The Gold Standard
by queenofthenile91
Summary: Bella Swan's love life is more comedy than romance. When a friend sets her up with an online dating profile and a blind date, Bella hopes it will lead to finding her Mr. Right. But from the get-go, nothing goes as planned.
1. Chapter 1

**Though I have written stories before, this is my first foray into fanfiction of any sort.**

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

If some poor soul were to write a book about my dating life, it would probably be a comedy of errors rather than a romance novel. I was sort of a late bloomer and while all my friends in middle school were talking and gossiping about boys, I was still interested in Saturday morning cartoons and fishing with my dad. My first real foray into romance was when I was thirteen at Angela Webber's birthday party. During the game of Spin the Bottle Angela started to hook up with her own crush, Ben, I was forced to endure a slobbery, nauseating kiss with Eric Yorkie. Two weeks later at the end-of-the-year party at the Forks Roller Rink, he grabbed my boob and I gave him a sharp elbow in the solar plexus, just like Daddy had taught me. That was the end of that relationship.

Throughout high school, I had a chronically on-again, off-again relationship with Mike Newton. We would date for a few months, I would adamantly refuse to move past third base and he would break up with me for a girl who would for a couple of months until I let him come crawling back. I was finally ready to give it up to Mike during our senior prom, but before we could do the dirty, my father and chief of police for our small town arrested Mike and a few of his friends. Apparently, Mike and his buddies had attempted to spike the punch with alcohol stolen from Mr. Newton's liquor cabinet, not knowing the principal was standing five feet away. I spent the rest of my prom night listening to a lecture about getting into the car with someone who has been drinking from my father while my date spent his drunk and in the slammer.

When college rolled around, I really thought I would blossom and embrace my inner-swan, so to speak. However, I ended up with Rosalie Hale, the most gorgeous, runway model blonde Amazon you've ever seen, for a roommate. Wherever we went, guys fell at her feet and I usually got stuck being chatted up by their less than handsome, usually creepy best friends. Rose eventually hooked me up with Garrett, one of the frat boys of her sometimes boyfriend Royce King. Things were okay and I ended up losing my V-Card to him, but he ended things before the frat's Spring Break trip to Tijuana this year. In his own words, he didn't think it was fair to leave me at home pining for him while he was pounding other chicks.

After graduation, Rose married Royce and then divorce proceedings began two days later when she found him hooking up with the hotel maid in their honeymoon suite. Fortunately for Rose, Royce was very well off and not smart enough to sign a prenup, so Rose ended up with a nice settlement. The two of us were able to put a nice down payment on a great apartment in Seattle near Queen Anne Hill. While Rose goes to law school, I spend my days in a dead end job as the glorified personal assistant to the ruthless editor of a local women's magazine in an attempt to actually get my foot in the door as a writer.

For a few years, Rose and I were living in a self-glamorized bubble, two single girls in the city working to make it in the men's world, a sort of cross between _Sex and the City_ and _Murphy Brown_. We were partners in crime, taking the corporate world by storm during the day and living it up at night. To tell the truth, we were both struggling in our chosen occupations and our "nights on the town" were probably better defined as us consuming wine and ice cream while watching reality TV. All of that changed when Emmett McCarty walked into Rose's life.

After her three-day-long failed marriage, Rose said she had sworn off men entirely. Then she met Emmett, a personal trainer for the Seahawks, at a party being held by the law firm she was interning at. According to Rose, it was love at first drunken make out session in the office closet. Soon, the two were constantly joined at the hip and other parts of their anatomy. Rose had gone from happily leading the single-life with me to telling me I would be a lot happier if I found someone to share my life with. I finally gave in after months of begging, which is how I found myself outside Il Bistro at the Pike Street Market one Friday night, terrified of what might happen with the blind date who was waiting inside for me.

All of my attempts at meeting a nice normal regular guy at the bookstore, coffee shop or in the park had wound up as disasters. The first guy stood me up, the second one spent the entire date arguing over the phone with his baby mama, and the third was arrested in the middle of our date on some outstanding warrants. Unbeknownst to me, while I was complaining about the desperate situation that was my love life, Rose was setting me up with an online dating profile on a site she had heard about from her mother. Apparently, the average user on the site ended up engaged within a year of singing up. It took a lot of cajoling on Rose's part, but she finally convinced me to get on board.

The Gold Standard had a pretty pricey monthly membership fee, though Rose was happy to pay it for me using her ex-hubby's money (At least he was good for _something_, she said). What I most liked and most feared about the site was that no ages or photos were listed or shown. It was nice to talk to people, getting to know the real them without wondering about looks or anything, but at the same time, I was always afraid there was a serial killer on the other end. After a few weeks of chatting, I had agreed to meet a brilliant and funny doctor from the greater Seattle area I had met on the site. Cue my blind date at Il Bistro.

It took me a few minutes to get my courage up and finally I walked inside. I was supposed to know him by the three white roses he would have displayed at the table. He glanced around, wondering if I had been stood up yet again. My eyes finally narrowed in on a table with three white roses and standing beside it was probably the most gorgeous man I had ever seen in my entire life. His hair switched from auburn to copper to gold in the flickers of the candlelight on the table and his verdant green eyes positively glowed. Only after drinking in his perfectly fit body that I realized he was arguing with the man actually sitting at the table. I almost choked on air, realizing the man who was actually my date was the silver-haired gentleman sitting at the table. He had to be at least sixty and though his face was covered with wrinkle-lines, it was unmistakable that he and the young man yelling at him were somehow related.

"I can't believe you're doing this, Dad! It's like cheating on Mom!" the younger man fumed.

"We've been over this, Edward. Your mother and I are separated," the older man replied calmly. "Our therapist recommended that we see other people for the time being. Just as an experiment."

"Your therapist is a quack. I want his name so I can turn him in to the Americna Psychological Association!" the Adonis apparently named Edward ranted. I was a little disappointed it was his father and not the Adonis standing before me I was supposed to be meeting here.

"I know this upsets you, son, but your mother and I have agreed this is what is best for our marriage," the older man replied.

"How is going out with some… some… wanton hussy you met online good for your marriage?" Edward fumed. "What would be good for your marriage is checking out of that hotel room, going back home with Mom where you belong and calling off this whole divorce nonsense!"

I was about to turn on my heel and run out of the restaurant as fast as I could, but unfortunately, my silver-haired date noticed me. I wasn't too hard to pick out. I was the only girl in a blue dress with a white rose pinned to my gown in the whole room. I cursed myself for thinking up a practically foolproof way for my date to identify me. His brow furrowed for a moment and then he greeted me with a bright smile.

"You must be Isabella," he said, standing up. "I don't mean to offend you…but I thought you would be much… well… older…"

"Oh, this is just perfect," Edward hissed. "You're leaving Mom for this… this…"

"Edward," he warned before turning back to me. "Forgive my son… I'm Carlisle Cullen…"

"I'm sorry… I should go…" I stuttered. "I mean… I just…"

"Well, before you go, may I ask what a nice young lady like you is doing on a dating site aimed at the over fifty set," Carlisle asked. "I don't mean to pry…but… well… you seem as startled as I am at this turn of events…"

"What?" I said.

"The Gold Standard… when I read the terms and conditions… well, it clearly states the site is for… older individuals," Carlisle replied.

"I'm going to kill Rose," I muttered.

"That's why it's called the Gold Standard," Carlisle continue politely. "You know the tagline of the site… 'The Gold Standard for Your Golden Years'? I thought it was rather…"

"Oh God," I cringed. "I didn't set up my page. My best friend Rose did. She heard about the site from her mother. When her mother said she knew tons of couples who had met on the site… I mean, I guess I thought she meant her friends' _kids _not her friends themselves… I just… I'm sorry…" I felt my lip quivering and I tried to pull myself together, not wanting to lose it in the middle of an upscale restaurant. I was suddenly finding it very hard to breathe and getting lightheaded.

"Sit down, dear," Carlisle encouraged me. He guided me over to his table where I collapsed in one of the seats. He sat down across from me and his son stood at the table, looking awkwardly between us.

"I'm sorry... it's just…" I said, unable to hold it in any longer. "I had no idea… and Rose said that everyone was dating online now and… I mean...I'm so sorry… I should just…I'm just so sick of her and her boyfriend always being around and… What is wrong with me? Why can't I ever just go out on a nice, normal date!"

"Isabella, I think you're having a panic attack," Carlisle said to me calmly. "Just sit down and focus on breathing…"

"I cannot believe this," Edward grumbled.

"Edward, now is not the time…" Carlisle began. However, he was cut off by a high-pitched bubbly laugh. Both Edward and Carlisle glanced at each other knowingly before Edward stormed off across the restaurant Carlisle hot on his heels. My curiosity piqued,

I managed to calm down my breathing and follow them. I arrived at the private booth just in time to see Edward pull back the curtain. On the other side was a beautiful, classic Hollywood looking red-head in her late-fifties who was obvious the other half of the genetic powerhouse that had produced the Adonis that was Edward Cullen. She was surprised to see her son there but utterly shocked to see her husband standing behind him.

"Edward… what are you doing here?" she gasped.

"I was here to talk Dad out of making a huge mistake, but from what I see, you're doing a fine job wrecking everything on your own!" Edward hissed.

"Edward, your father and I have told you that our therapist said…" the woman began before noticing Carlisle standing behind Edward. "Oh, hello, dear… What are you doing here?"

"It's a rather long story but…" Carlisle began. He stopped midsentence and I could swear I saw steam coming out of his ears when he noticed the man sitting across the table from his wife. "Eleazar… I'm surprise to see you here…"

"Oh, yes, well Esme told me that your marriage counselor…" Eleazar began.

"Asked us to see other people," Carlisle said tersely. "Though, I seriously doubt the therapist meant for my wife to be out with a member of my golf foursome."

"Now, Carlisle, you know Eleazar has had it hard since his wife died and since we know each other so well," Esme began. "I mean, we're both getting used to being older adults back on the dating scene and it seemed safe…"

"I didn't mean anything against you when I asked her," Eleazar continued. "We've actually been having quite a nice…"

"Eleazar, can I speak to you outside? Privately?" Carlisle asked, annoyed. I was starting to see where Edward had gotten his temper.

"Carlisle," Esme cautioned.

"No, no. I think he deserves an explanation. I'll be back," Eleazar replied, placing down his napkin. The two men ducked out of sight and Esme turned to me and Edward.

"Well, Edward… who is this lovely young lady?" she asked.

"How the fuck should I know?" Edward grumbled.

"Edward!" she hissed. "Language!"

"I really shouldn't be here," I said, hoping to slip away. The breathing was getting easier but I was still feeling light headed. I looked up to catch Edward's beautiful green eyes just as a crash came from a couple of tables behind us. Esme, Edward and I turned around to find Carlisle landing a punch into Eleazar's jaw. For two men nearing retirement age, I was surprised at how well they fought.

"Carlisle!" Esme shrieked in terror, getting up to aid her husband.

"Jesus," Edward grimaced.

"I'm never going on a date again," I moaned, slumping into the seat Esme had just vacated.


	2. Chapter 2

**I think I've settled on a Wednesday/Saturday update schedule for this story.**

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><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

Fuck my life. That seems to be the theme of this week.

If someone had told me on Monday that I would be spending my Friday night helping my mother pry my father off of one of his golf buddies following a fist fight in the middle of one of Seattle's most upscale restaurants, I probably would have laughed at them. But here I am. Nothing has gone right this week.

It all began on Monday. I was energized when I woke up, hopeful for the week ahead. Two weeks ago, my parents had announced they were separating. It was hard on me and my sister Alice since our parents had always seemed so happy together. However, Alice was more willing to go along with their plans of separating and seeing if things worked out. I was the only one who thought the entire idea was idiotic. Since Alice was completely unhelpful, I alone was the one begging my parents every day to listen to reason and get back together. They both kept giving me the same moronic answer their therapist had obviously cooked up: It was okay that I was upset because my status quo had been shattered, but the needed this times for themselves and their marriage.

Shoving thoughts of my splintered family out of my mind, I sat down at the kitchen counter for my morning ritual: a cup of coffee, some cereal and flipping through the _Seattle Times_. Normally, I don't look at the wedding vows section of the newspaper, but it just so happened to be the place where they had stuck that morning's Sudoku. Imagine my surprise when I see a familiar face staring up at me from the "Just Married" section.

I met Tanya in college. I sometimes wonder if she latched on to me freshmen year because my major was pre-med. I wanted to be a surgeon like my father. However, one class in and I found out I couldn't handle dissecting a dead cat on my own, let alone cutting into a human. After I regained consciousness, my professor kindly suggested I find another major. Tanya was the only person disappointed when I announced I was changing to web design. It was something I had fooled around with in high school and, since the dreams of being a doctor I had since I was small weren't panning out, I just latched onto the next thing I though could work out.

We dated for seven years. During that time, I must have asked her to marry me a dozen times. Her answer was always some variation on the same theme: she wanted to get more situated in her career, she wanted to see more of the world before settling down, she was too busy with other things to even think about planning a wedding. Finally, I had enough and gave her an ultimatum. Rather than being upset, she just confessed that she wasn't the marrying kind. I was more angry than heartbroken, angry that she had strung me along for six whole years when I could have been searching for someone who did share my life goals.

Now, here she was smiling up at me from a picture in the weddings section, announcing her wedding last week to some frat-looking douche, complete with sweet story about how they had met and their honeymoon plans. According to the story, she had met this guy a couple of weeks before breaking things off with me. Needless to say, the rest of my day was completely ruined.

Tuesday wasn't much better. I was invited out for a lunch with my sister. I thought Alice had come to her senses and was finally ready to brainstorm with me about getting our parents back together. Instead, she showed up with her boyfriend and announced the two of them were getting married. Then she asked me to help her break the news to our parents. I was absolutely livid.

Sure, Jasper Whitlock seemed like an okay guy, but I honestly thought he was just some sort of phase Alice was going through, one of the frogs she had to kiss to find her prince. He wasn't exactly the last person I wanted her to end up, but he didn't make my top ten list of suitable candidates either. He is an adjunct history professor at U Dub, originally from Texas, and a little bit more passionate about the Civil War than most people in the Pacific Northwest. At first, I just thought it was a fascination with the subject he taught. He re-enacted back home in Texas and had gotten together with a group of Confederate re-enactors living in the greater Seattle area. I had a hard time believing there _were_ Civil War re-enactors in Washington state before Jasper showed up. I don't profess to be a history buff, but I'm pretty sure there weren't any Civil War battles fought in Seattle.

If that wasn't enough, Alice invited me over to supper at Jasper's one night where I found out he painted miniature metal figurines and staged mock battles with them and his friends. They set up the figurines on tables set up like the actual battlefields and engage in a sort of Civil War version of Dungeons and Dragons crossed with Risk. I think the final straw was when Jasper found out about our family's interest in medicine and pulled out the chest of old teeth, bones, surgical instruments and medicine jars he had as part of his memorabilia collection. Dad was interested, though I was a little nervous that Jasper might be a serial killer or something.

Before I could tell Alice that she and Johnny Reb should maybe take a step back and really think before rushing into marriage, Alice was telling me all about the Civil War-themed wedding she had begun planning and that, as one of the groomsmen, I would be dressing up in full Confederate regalia. Even better, Jasper wanted to have us all spend the night camping Civil War-style in lieu of a bachelor party. Somewhere in between disbelief that my sister was actually serious about marrying this guy and realizing I was going to be bunking with Jasper in a tent, wearing period clothing, Alice managed to coerce me into attending the dinner party she was planning to spring all of this on our parents. I just nodded dumbly and found myself offering my support to my sister and a guy I was pretty sure had a Confederate flag hanging in his apartment somewhere.

Wednesday seemed like it would be much better, but from ten in the morning until eleven at night, I was fielding calls from the client from hell. He was some uptown lawyer who had hired me to design his firm's online presence, only to find fault with everything he did. He told me he wanted a sleek design and then told me what I had presented was "too technical." When I retooled it, he told me it was now "too fuzzy" and that clients would hire a lawyer with a "cuddly-looking web site." Then he told me the fonts I was using here "too harsh" while the second set of fonts were "too lazy." Then he bitched me out for thirty minutes about why his site wasn't the top search on Google and wouldn't listen to my explanations that I have no control over such things. Then he got angry because he couldn't view one of the graphics with the version Internet Explorer he had downloaded in 2003. I bit my tongue and resisted the urge to inform him only people from the Dark Ages still use Internet Explorer, instead explaining to him about updating web browsers.

Thursday morning, client from hell woke me up at six in the morning to ask if I could so a free redesign of his daughter's sorority's website as well. I wanted to slam down the phone, but the hefty sum he was paying me made me think twice. After politely explaining my fees and getting hung up on, I decided to pitter around since I wouldn't be getting back to sleep any time soon. Though I mainly do my work from my home office, Thursday was full of meetings. At ten that morning, it was with the marketing department of the Seattle Symphony Orchestra for some freelance work I was doing with them. Then It was across town to a real estate office I work for to have a lunch meeting about a new concept for their web page design. At two in the afternoon, I was again jetting across town for a meeting with the marketing department of a Seattle-based microbrewery whose page I design. At least they gave me a sampling of their newest product during the meeting.

After two more pointless and contradictory calls from client from hell, I headed back home to do some web surfing on my own time. It was then I found out that Alice had changed her Facebook relationship status to "engaged to Jasper Whitlock." Her new profile picture was one of her and Jasper. He was wearing a Dale Earnhardt NASCAR shirt with his messy hair tied up in a red bandana. I got chills, imagining him quitting his job, moving Alice into a singlewide and drinking beer and yelling at sports on TV while she was barefoot and pregnant, making another chicken fried steak for dinner. Alice was lucky Mom and Dad hadn't figured out Facebook yet.

Friday morning I didn't want to leave my bed. I puttered around and did a little work before getting a series of phone calls from my father. First, he wanted to know if I knew any good places to get flowers in the city. I told him to ask Alice, but he said he had already badgered her enough about what suit and tie combination to wear that night. I was filled with hope that Dad was taking Mom out and the two of them would be getting back together. I asked him where he was headed and was surprised when he mentioned a rather expensive Italian restaurant, usually reserved for first dates and engagements or anniversaries.

"I think that it's good that you and Mom are going somewhere nice," I said

"I'm… Edward, I'm not going there with your mother…" he said quietly.

"What?" I said angrily, only causing him to sigh on the other end.

"I know you aren't adjusting well to the idea of your mother and I being separated…" Dad began.

"You're damn right," I hissed.

"But our marriage counselor said this would be a good idea… for us to see other people during this period," Dad said.

"How can seeing anyone but Mom be good for you?" I replied.

"I know this is confusing, but it is what's best for us," Dad said. "The spice has gone out of our marriage and, if we are going to make things work, he need to find that missing piece. Our therapist thinks that seeing other people might help us realize what that missing component is."

"I call bullshit," I replied.

"I know your upset Edward. I didn't meant to make things worse," he replied. I sent a quick text to Alice who informed me she thought it was "cute" that Dad was nervous about going on a first date with another woman. Finally, I broke down and called Mom, the only other person I figured would have as much righteous indignation over this situation as I did.

"Oh, Edward, it's not a big deal," she informed me. "In fact, I went out on a date with a fellow from my water aerobics class two nights ago."

"You did what?" I gasped. "How did you not tell me this? He could be after your money or your kidneys or worse!"

"Edward, I'm a fifty-two year old woman. I'm not required to inform my son of my every move," Mom huffed. "Besides, our therapist said…"

With no help, I took it upon myself to stop this nonsense by heading my father off at the restaurant where he was set to meet whatever homewrecker he had asked out. I was shocked beyond belief when a beautiful brunette who couldn't have been much older than Alice nervously walked into the room. She looked just as panicked to see Dad as I was that he was on a date. For a moment, I wondered if my father was one of the Internet predators you see on "Dateline." I was somewhat mollified when I found out my father had signed up for a Senior Adult dating website, though a little baffled about how a seemingly sweet and gorgeous young girl could wind up on the same site unnoticed. I seriously doubted she was a golddigger who had signed up with ulterior motives. I didn't have much time to think about her, however, before I found myself wrestling my father off of his golfing buddy amid the maître d' threatening to call the cops and permanently ban all of his from the restaurant. Eleazar paid for the damage and his and my mother's dinner and then saw himself out of the restaurant while Mom followed Dad back to his car, cooing over him and holding a bag of ice to his black eye.

"Edward, you need to take Isabella home," Dad instructed me as Mom forced him into the passenger seat.

"Why do I have to?" I grimaced.

"She had a panic attack and I think it's my duty to see to it that someone sees her home safely," Dad replied.

"Oh, Carlisle, you're so caring," Mom cooed.

I wondered when she had turned into a fourteen-year-old girl. I grumbled under my breath, but if this was going to give Mom and Dad the time they needed, I figured it was the last I could do. I trudged back into the restaurant to find my father's chocolate-haired date practically sobbing into my mother's half-eaten Linguini di Mare. It was a beautifully heartbreaking sight and I didn't know what to do.

"So, uh, my dad wanted me to make sure you got home okay…" I began. She looked up at me, her eyes tearstained, absolutely mortified.

"I'm so sorry… I had no idea… I didn't know he was married or your dad or…" she began. "I'm going to kill Rose. I knew I shouldn't trust her judgment. She's never set me up on a blind date that ever went remotely well and now…"

"It's okay… so uh… my car is outside…" I began.

"No… no… you don't have to take me home," she blushed. "I feel bad enough as it is. I don't need to waste your gas money too after…" she was interrupted by a loud grumbling of her stomach. I glanced at my watch, realizing it was nearing seven-thirty at night.

"When was the last time you ate?" I asked.

"Um… I had a fruit parfait around noonish?" she shrugged. I sighed.

"Well, that's not good," I replied. "Look, I'll get you something to eat and then I'll take you home."

"I don't even know you," she replied.

"That didn't stop you from going on a date with my dad," I snorted.

"Look, we chatted online for a couple of weeks before I even agreed to this and I just…" she sighed in defeat. "Fine. My name is Bella. Bella Swan."

"Edward Cullen," I replied Okay, so… um… where do you live?"

"Lower Queen Anne," she conceded.

"There's a Dick's there…" I said.

"Excuse me?" she replied.

"You live in Seattle and you've never been to a Dick's Drive-in?" I shook my head in disbelief.

A few minutes later, we were in my car, munching on burgers and fries. The fact that the place ended up within walking distance of where she lived just irked me more. She said a quiet goodbye and then trudged up the steps toward her apartment. She looked pretty defeated and a little devastated. I felt sorry for her momentarily before I realized the role she had in the near dissolution of my parents' marriage. Just in case, I decided I was going to find out a little bit more about Bella Swan.

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><p><strong>AN: The Civil War Dungeons and Dragons hobby thing? Yeah, it's real. My uncle used to do it. I have a link to an article about if for anyone that wants more info.**


	3. Chapter 3

**BPOV**

"I'm sure it wasn't _that_ bad," Rose snorted, following me into my room.

When I entered into our apartment, slamming the door behind me, Rose looked up from the law books she was studying and took of her glasses. Rose doesn't like people to know she is nearsighted, but hours of studying usually lead her to break out the glasses. She was surprised to find Emmett was still attracted to her in them. But I digress.

I was furious at Rose for not reading the fine print on the dating web site. I just shot her a glare and stomped up to my room to change out of my dress and into an old t-shirt and some comfy pajama bottoms. The entire way, Rose was badgering me with questions about how the date had gone, why I was home so early, and what the guy had looked like. Finally fed up, I stormed into my room, pulled open my dating profile on the dating website and then presented it to Rose in a furor.

"Do you see this? Do you see this?" I hissed at her.

"What? It's your dating profile," Rose shrugged.

"Read the tagline at the bottom of the screen," I said to her through clenched teeth.

"'The Gold Standard for Your Golden Years," Rose said. It took her a second, but her eyes suddenly lit up in recognition. "What the…"

"You signed me up for an over fifty dating site," I hissed at her. "The guy I met had a son _our age_. Not to mentioned he was married…"

"Married?" Rose gaped.

"Well, separated. At least he was until he found his wife at the restaurant with another guy and then he got all jealous and…" I began.

"Oh, Bells. I'm so sorry. Mom recommended the site… I thought… I guess she didn't know it was just for old people…" Rose apologized to me. "I'm so sorry…"

"I was mortified," I sighed. Rose let me change into something comfy and then allowed me to explain my disastrous date night to her while we eat ice cream out of the box on the sofa.

"Well, at least his son was hot, right?" Rose shrugged.

"Like I'll ever see him again," I snorted. "Like I'd ever _want_ to see him again. What would I say? Hey, remember me? The ho who was going on a date with your father so he could get over your mom?"

"I'm sure it made an impression," Rose smirked.

"Shut up. I'm still mad at you," I glowered at her.

"Seriously, I'm really sorry. I'll make it up to you. I promise," Rose vowed.

"You can start tomorrow," I suggested. "There's this movie…"

"Bells, Emmett is taking me out tomorrow," Rose replied. "I told you, he's taking me out to a picnic on Bainbridge and…"

"Dude, Rose, what happened to chicks before dicks?" I snorted.

"Have you _seen_ Emmett's dick?" Rose countered.

"No," I said, swallowing a spoonful of ice cream, "and no offense, but I have no desire to."

"Well, believe me, if you saw it, you would understand," Rose replied. I rolled my eyes at her.

"Fine. You go have a wonderful, romantic date with your boyfriend and build a successful and meaningful relationship," I teased her. "Maybe I'll go out tomorrow and adopt the first of my twenty cats while you're out."

"Don't be so melodramatic," Rose snorted. "Besides, aren't you allergic to cat dander?"

"Ruin all my fun," I muttered.

"Look, I'm going out with Emmett tomorrow, but I promise a whole day Sunday," Rose said. "We can go shopping or out to eat….ooh! We could go on that Seattle wine tour I've been telling you about…"

"Or we could do something I actually want to do," I huffed.

"Fine, Bells," Rose rolled her eyes with a grin. "Plan us something to do, but I swear to God you are not dragging me to the Gum Wall at the Market Theater again."

"Come on, Rose. That is classic Americana," I replied.

"That is gross," Rose shook her head.

Rose went to bed soon after, needing her beauty sleep for her date with Emmett the next day. People look at Rose and are jealous, thinking that she just wakes up in the morning and looks like a blonde bombshell, but I know better. She works out like a maniac and puts so many facial creams and cleansers on herself at night she looks like a bog monster. Rose doesn't like people to know it, but she was rather pudgy and riddled with acne in middle school. Between her glasses, acne and baby fat, she was basically the laughingstock of her hometown. She came to high school like a whole new person, having found a good dermatologist, going for runs in the morning and putting her effort into her appearance. Naturally, Rose was a downright bitch to all the guys and girls who were mean to her in middle school, but suddenly accepted her when she made her high school transformation.

I stayed up, caught the late night monologues and then went to bed. When I woke up, Rose had already left for her noon picnic and I had the entire place to myself. So, I did what any person normally does when they have the whole place to themselves. I danced around in my pajamas and then retreated back to my bedroom to eat chocolate and read for a few hours. Around three in the afternoon, it struck me that I probably should take my dating profile off of the Gold Standard less I attract any more gentlemen of advanced age that were looking for their own Anna Nicole Smith. Rose offered to help me set up a profile on eHarmony or Matched or some other site, but I declined, not wanting to do any more experimentation with online dating after my miserable first foray into the scene.

After finishing my book, I made the bad decision to putter around on my laptop which led me to puttering around on Facebook. Big mistake. My newsfeed was full of friends from back home or at college changing their relationship statuses to "engaged" or telling us all about how stressful their wedding planning was going. A few of them even had links to all the crafty and impossibly expensive reception and dress ideas they had. It made me want to barf. Yes, it must be so hard having someone in your life who loves you so unconditionally they want to spend the rest of their life with you. Gag me with a spoon.

For a moment, I considered changing my own status to "Bella Swan is a bitter harpy who is going to die alone," but then I remembered my dad is on Facebook and would probably send Seattle's finest over to check on me in case I was suicidal. I cursed the day that Seth, his girlfriend Sue's son, had set him a page on the site so he could play Farmville with all of the guys down at the station. Naturally, Rose come home at the second I shove my laptop into the floor before stuffing my mouth with chocolate from the Whitman's Sampler Emmett bought her last week.

"Are you eating my chocolate?" Rose asked, coming into my room.

"What do you care?" I replied, somehow in the midst of another angry crying jag. "Why does it matter if I get fat and unattractive anyone? It's not like anyone will notice!"

"That wine I bought this week at the grocery store better still be uncorked and in the fridge," Rose warned me. She glanced at me and then sighed, slipping onto my bed and giving me a hug. "Okay, what's going on?"

"Everyone I know is getting married," I replied sadly.

"I'm not getting married," Rose pointed out.

"You've already been married," I shot back. Rose sighed.

"So what? All of your lame country bumpkin friends are settling down with the same guy from high school who knocked them up," Rose snorted. "You're better than that, Bells. You live an exciting life. They're stuck back home, making PB and J for the brats and wishing they could take a break from laundry and cleaning and play dates to do something fun."

"I'm so exciting," I snorted. "Yeah, I'm living the fun, single lifestyle. Watching YouTube and eating chocolate in bed on a Saturday afternoon."

"You'll find him, Bells," Rose said. "Believe me, I've been married to the wrong guy. And nothing sucks so much as waking up in the morning, looking around, thinking about your life and wondering 'Dear God, what did I do wrong?' So, cheer up. You're planning us a fun adventure tomorrow, right?"

"Right," I sighed.

I had to admit, it was nice having Rose as my own personal pep squad. The next day, we woke up early and hit up the Fremont Flea Market. I got a couple of books while Rose bought some vintage necklaces for herself and then ukulele made out of a cigar box for Emmett because he likes weird stuff like that. We ate some of the flea market food, though Rose swore she was waking me up at four the next morning to run it off with her. Then I dragged Rose back across town to the Elliott Bay Bookstore. She complained that I had already bought books at the flea market, but I quickly reminded her it was my day. We grabbed takeout on the way home and then watched bad movies for the rest of the night.

Monday, my least favorite day of the week, rolled around much too soon for my liking. For some reason, my alarm didn't decide to go off that morning and I awoke fifteen minutes after I should have. After a rushed shower, I rapidly dressed in a semi-coordinated shirt and top before throwing on some shoes and rushing out the door. Thankfully, I knew I could pick up a muffin and something to drink as I rushed out to get my boss's morning chai latte order, which had to be piping hot when it arrived at her desk.

Being the personal assistant to Irina Petrokov is someway akin to torture. She's sometimes referred to as the Anna Wintour of the West Coast. Irina used to be a prima ballerina for the famed Russian ballet back during the Cold War. Unfortunately, they were dumb enough to let her do a couple shows in the U.S. and she defected. After her ballet career ended, she went into public relations and then founded _Femme_. Of course, Irinia has never lost her ballerina figure, despite the copious amounts of calories she consumes and has a biting, sarcastic wit so barbed I swear it leaves bruises. Being her personal assistant is probably one of the most thankless jobs in the world, but I need it to get my foot in the door.

_Femme_ is sort of a more feminist version of _Vogue_. Sure, there is still fashion, advice and home décor, but many of our models are on the plus size and a lot of the articles are about women's issues, politics and balancing work and home life. My dream would be to one day right for the section known as "Woman's World" in the magazine, where various correspondents go around the world and discuss women's issues. Last month, it was an in-depth look at the mother of a Sudanese child soldier. The month before that, it was an expose on the rough lives of single Chinese women working in sweatshops. The magazine was also nominated for several awards last year for a story about a tough as nails high school principal with a heart of gold in Detroit who tries to give kids an education despite impoverishment and crime. Even stonehearted Irina broke down when she was editing the part about the principal holding a dying fourteen-year-old boy in her arms when he was killed a drive-by shooting before school.

As if by magic, I managed to waltz into the office on time, sit down Irina's latte and then return to my own desk, as if I wasn't running late. Not a second after my butt was in my seat Irina strode through the room wearing a custom power suit by one of her famous designer friends. She didn't so much as glance at me as she walked into her office, but I knew I had to get up and follow her in to give her the daily schedule. Thankfully, I had printed it out Friday and was able to hand her the file. She scanned her appointments and then handed the book back to me.

"Cancel the hair appointment at noon," Irina said her thick Russian accent. "I have meeting about vebsite then."

"Yes ma'am," I nodded. "Will there be anything else?"

"No. Vebsite appointment vill fit right in to hair slot," Irina replied. "I vill be approving fashion shoot photos and editing stories this morning. I am not to be disturbed unless emergency case."

"Yes ma'am," I replied, starting out the door.

"And Bella," Irina said, with a frown, "if husband calls, not emergency."

"I take it the mister is in trouble?" I said. I tried to be friendly with Irina, but sometimes I wondered if American friendliness translated into Russian friendliness. Irina's husband was a good ten years younger than she was, a young French sous chef at a popular restaurant.

"Yes, forgot daughter's flute recital Friday," Irina nodded. "He is…how you say… housed vith the dog?"

"In the dog house," I corrected. "But I'm sure Sasha gave a great performance anyway." Irina smiled and I walked out the door, glad that I had not invoked Irina's fire-breathing dragon side. Then again, Irina had a soft spot for her only child, even if she was hell on heels at work.

The rest of my morning was pretty routine. I handled a few calls, including some from Irina's husband. I kindly advised Laurent that she wasn't accepting his calls but a bouquet of her favorite flowers and a nice plate of her favorite Russian dessert, baba romovaya. I also mentioned it might not hurt if he took some time this week to spend with their daughter to make up for missing her performance. After that, it was a variety of calls and mini-crises I handled as best I could. I knew Irina wouldn't hesitate to fire people for stupid, small mistakes. I was getting ready to go on my lunch break when Irina emerged from her office, clasping a notebook and her laptop to her side.

"Bella, you vill come to meeting," Irina announced to me.

"You need me there?" I squeaked.

"Yes. You vill help take notes," Irina nodded. "I vant your opinion, too. You are young You use this… interveb they talk about. Young girls use interveb. Ve need feedback from you."

"Of course," I nodded, shuffling a few things on my desk and producing my own notebook and pen. "Anything I can do to help."

"Lunch vill be served at meeting," Irina informed me. "Ve vill be doing whole redesign. Last designer… how you say… In Russia we call them _zasranetc_…people who shit over all things. Veb editor say this new designer very good. Hopefully, he not another complete _dolboy'eb_."

I followed Irina to the meeting room, listening as she chatted it up with a few people from the web department. Our web editor and her two assistants were cute but geeky girls, usually wearing Hello Kitty shirts I wished I could get away with at work. I followed Irina inside the room to meet our new web designer and just about had a panic attack when I caught a glimpse of copper hair and glittery green eyes. I didn't want to break it to Irina, but I had a feeling our new web designer was more of a _zasranetc_ than she knew.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Your Quick and Dirty Guide to Russian slang used in this chapter**

**dolboy'eb** – masculine word, roughly translated to mean "dickhead"

**zasranetc** – roughly translated means a bastard or someone who is infantile. More accurate translation is "a person who smells because they have shit in their own pants."


	4. Chapter 4

**EPOV**

I probably should have felt guiltier than I did for hacking into my father's personal laptop. Of course, my parents were pretty easy for me to hack. When Mom and Dad had gotten their first computers, I had gotten fed up with them calling me up at all hours of the day with questions about how to open the Internet or download pictures from their email. I found giving them instructions over the phone did not make things that much easier. So, I installed remote access from my own computer onto theirs, making it easier for me to show them what to do from my own computer rather than having to explain the same steps over and over again. It had really helped Mom and Dad figure out the whole Digital Age and now, it was going to help me find out a little more about this woman my father had met up with that night. Sure, it probably wasn't the most ingenious hacking job ever, but it would work.

Probably more quickly than I should be able to, I navigated my way to my father's dating profile page. His password was the same cheesy password he uses for all of his passwords, the months of his wedding anniversary, mom's birthday, my birthday and Alice's birthday in a sequence. Dad had the bare minimum information about himself on the site, which I applauded. He had his age, occupation as a doctor rather than Chief of Surgery with no hospital named, and had the bare minimum interests: reading, golf, spending time with family and John Wayne movies. With a few more clicks, I was easily able to find the home page for this girl he had set up to see.

Isabella Swan's profile was probably much more detailed than I felt anyone should be revealed on a web site. There was no picture or age allowed, but she listed her career as a personal assistant and aspiring writer. I rolled my eyes a little at that, wondering if she was one of those girls who had read one romance novel once and decided she was going to be a writer. However, her list of interests indicated to me why my father probably thought she was a fellow senior citizen.

Miss Swan enjoyed quite a bit of the classics. In fact, I was hard pressed to find a book her list of favorite books that was published after 1959. I didn't think _Valley of the Dolls_ really counted though. It was still the type of book I could see my mom reading. Her list of favorite movies was pretty much the same, mainly some of the old black and whites that Mom adored and forced us to watch on weekends with her as kids. After that, I went back to my father's inbox and tracked the emails they had exchanged.

I was a little surprised to find Miss Swan seemed rather cordial and genuine, though she could be a good actress for all I knew. She chatted with my dad about literature and old movies, reminding me a lot of my mother with the way she defended some characters and lambasted others. There was really only two weeks' worth of emails exchanged between them before my dad asked her out. It was slightly disappointing to see that Dad had not only contacted Miss Swan first on the site but had also initiated their first and last date. It was really putting a dent in my whole gold-digger philosophy. After finding nothing else interesting, I logged out, hoping that dropping Miss Swan off at home was the last time I would see her. I noted that she lived only one street over and half a mile from myself, but filed that information away for future reference.

I sped through the weekend, working from home and trying to convince Alice to put off the elaborate dinner party where she intended to reveal her new engagement to Jasper "the South Shall Rise Again" Whitlock. On Monday, I was excited to head up to one of the elite high rises downtown where I could be landing quite an important job. It was redesigning the look of a women's magazine and I had gotten it solely based on strings being pulled by my mother and having graduated college with the company's current web editor. I wasn't excited at first about doing a women's magazine, but Alice and my mother swore the thing was like the Bible for culture, savvy women who wanted to bring home the bacon and look good doing it.

I read up a little on the editor-in-chief, a tough as nails former ballerina who defected to the U.S. only to run her magazine with Stalin-like authority. I was a little nervous at first and had spent much of the weekend coming up with design ideas that I hoped were feminine but not overly frilly. I had the feeling the women who ran and read this magazine weren't exactly froufrou beauty pageant-types anyway. I was shown to the conference room where I spent a few minutes setting up my presentation, lying out the website prospectus I had created and making sure everything was crisp and well ordered. I had the feeling the woman I would be presenting to was a no bull shit kind of person.

I had managed to quell those pre-big presentation jitters a bit when a tall, thin woman about my mother's age strutted in. She exuded power and grace and matched the picture on the Wikipedia page I had seen the day before. I stood to shake her hand, but nearly fell backwards when I saw who was behind her. It was none other than Isabella "The Father Seducer" Swan. Upon noticing me, Swan squeaked and then fell to the floor, causing her boss to give her an odd look.

"Uh… dropped my pen…" Bella said awkwardly. I watched, slightly bemused as she crawled around under the table to retrieve it, bumping her head when she attempted to sit up without moving back from the table. "Ow!" Ignoring her odd assistant, Irina Petrokov turned to me.

"Pleasure to meet you Edvard," she said shaking her hand. "Your mother is a good friend. I am impressed with the vork she has shown me."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," I replied smoothly. "My mother said she helped with the decoration of your vacation house?"

"Yes. A cabin in Alaska," Irina nodded. "Reminds me of home. Your mother is very intuitive voman."

"I can only hope I have inherited her talents," I nodded before turning over to her assistant. Her face was beet red and I smirked, glad I could make her squirm a little. I wondered what her empowered female boss would think of her trying to seduce another woman's husband, a woman who she considered a friend.

"Edvard, this is Bella Svan, my assistant," Irina said. "She vill be very instrumental in this project. Bella is the type of young voman ve are hoping to reach out to vith this vebsite. She represents the savvy, on-the-go career voman of the Internet Age. You vill take all of her considerations seriously." Suddenly my smirk dropped. I hadn't planned on the father-stealer being an essential part of this project. I expected Bella to shoot me a triumphant smirk or something, but instead, she looked even more nervous about this than I would.

I gave my presentation effortlessly and was thankfully able to fend off the sharp and pointed questions from Irina with solid answers. I was feeling pretty confident when everything was said and done, particularly since Irina looked satisfied. I was ready to sit back down when Irina threw me another curveball.

"Bella, vhat do you think of presentation?" Irina asked. Bella looked up, a blush covering her face, and I wondered if she had spent the entire meeting just doodling on her notebook.

"Well, I mean, it's a great design and all…" Bella began nervously.

"But?" Irina prompted.

"Well… there's limited reader interaction," Bella replied. "We always boast that _Femme_ is a magazine for women about things that impact their everyday lives as well as the world around them, but we aren't giving them much of a chance to give us feedback. I mean, there are comment sections and links and stuff… but that's about it."

"And what would you propose?" I asked her, my eyes narrowing.

"Maybe… maybe more polls and interactive features… like how you can post reply videos on YouTube or how CNN does those iReports… you know, where they let viewers weigh in on the stories?" Bella suggested. "We could have a section where readers chime in… you know… forums for them to discuss the issues brought up in stories or to post their own ideas for things they want to see in the magazine."

"And interactive features?" I prompted.

"Maybe like a scrapbook where they can collect their favorite ideas from the magazine onto their own little space," Bella said. "With the user profile… they can collect articles or fashion pictures or other things they like about the online content. And they can not only show it to friend on Facebook or Twitter or wherever but the traffic can also show us what sort of things our readers want to see more of… what they like…"

"It would be a good marketing tool," the marketing supervisor piped up.

"See, this is vhat ve need," Irina nodded. "I never knew you vere so interveb savvy, Bella."

"She's just full of surprises," I grimaced.

"Vell. This meeting is concluded," Irina announced. "Ve vill go vith your ideas Edvard, but I vant you to incorporate the feedback section Bella suggested. Bella, I vant you to stick around with Edvard and discuss these ideas."

"Um… thank you, Irina… for this opportunity," Bella said nervously Irina gave us both a curt nod and then swept out of the room, her editors following behind her like ladies-in-waiting in the queen's court. I was left alone at the table with Bella and the chicken salad sandwich I had chosen for lunch that was now warming up. There was a tense moment of silence.

"Well, this is really fucking awkward," I said at the same time Bella said: "I'm sorry. I had no idea you would be here and I swear, I didn't know your Dad was old…"

"He's not old," I snorted. "Despite his age, he's considered in his prime in his field."

"You know what I mean," Bella snorted. "I don't make it a habit of going on dates with men older than my father."

"So what? Men the same age as your father?" I shot back.

"Typically, I attract douchebags," Bella replied. "In fact, I detect one in the vicinity right now."

"Would your boss approve of a so-called empowered woman speaking that way?" I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, though I think she would call you a _dolboy'eb_," Bella replied.

"Am I supposed to know what that made up word means?" I snorted.

"I doubt Irina would be pleased with you referring to her native Russian as a made up language," Bella smirked victoriously.

"Whatever. Can we get this thing moving? It could take me weeks to do the little redesign you made up at the last second and I am on a strict deadline for this project," I snorted.

"Made up? Excuse me?" Bella said angrily. "I was paying very close attention to your little presentation." As if to emphasize her point, Bella tossed her legal pad at me. It was filled with at least ten pages of copious notes on the presentation as well as her own side notes and ideas and even an illustration or two of how a design could be retooled.

"Well, you have this all figured out," I snorted. "Why don't you design this thing?"

"Because I don't know all that Photoshop or whatever stuff from my left foot," Bella said. "I'm good at description, not practically application. That's why I'm a writer."

"I thought you were a personal assistant," I shot back.

"I'm getting my foot in the door," Bella said angrily.

"I'm sure you are," I rolled my eyes.

"Believe me, I applied to every writing position available in this town, but with the economy in the tank… well, let's say they'd rather take a journalist with twenty-five years' experience over a recent grade," Bella fumed at me. "And Irina said if I was a good assistant, she might let me start writing a few pieces or even editing the letters to the editor or something. I'm just trying to make my own way."

"And stealing a wealthy doctor from his home and family is just one of those ways, right?" I snorted.

"Look, I never meant for it to be your father on the other end of that date, and I certainly don't need this crap from you," Bella said angrily. "I've already had the worst weekend known to man, beginning with my Internet date getting into a fight over his wife at a fancy restaurant. I know that your parents getting divorced or whatever is upsetting, but you can't take it out on me. And believe me, the last thing on earth I would ever want to be is your new step-mommy."

"Then what were you doing out with my father Friday night?" I huffed.

"Is it so hard for your little mind to comprehend it was a stupid mix-up of epic proportions?" Bell replied. "No offense to your dad, but I would have never shown up if I had any idea he was over thirty and I seriously doubt he would have shown up if he had any inkling I was younger than fifty. My friend set up the profile for me — against my better judgment — and I've taken it down so as not to inadvertently seduce any more codgers, okay?"

"So, you think my dad is a codger?" I said.

"Jesus!" Bella swore. "He's a friendly old man. Like my dad or Santa Claus. He's… fatherly… and honestly, after what I saw, he seriously belongs with your mom. You should totally try to _Parent Trap_ those two back together."

"I know, but my sister won't listen or help," I snorted. "She thinks we need to let it 'run its course' and believes all that mumbo jumbo crap their therapist puts together. You know, I actually thought Friday night would get them back together, but they're still living separately."

"What?" Bella said in disbelief. "But they were so happy when they left together! You cannot let this happen!"

"I have been trying for weeks, believe me," I snorted. "If it were as simple as a Disney movie, they'd be back together."

"Yeah," Bella sighed. "Those stunts didn't work very well on my parents."

"Your parents?" I asked incredulously.

"They divorced when I was two and when I was six, my grandmother let me watch the old _Parent Trap_ movie, the one with Hayley Mills?" Bella nodded. "I thought that if some British girl could do it, I could get my parents back together. I mean, I grew up in a small town and I was like the only kid with divorced parents, so it felt weird. So I tried the whole shebang, even got them together to sing 'Let's Get Together.' Totally didn't work. My dad contemplated taking me to a psychiatrist and my mother thought I needed healing crystals because my charkas were out of balance."

"What?" I laughed.

"In retrospect, a small town cop and a hippie probably aren't the best real life couple," Bella said thoughtfully. "It might make a good marriage on a sitcom, but not in real life. I still like the _Parent Trap_, though."

"I've only seen the one with the coke whore in it," I replied.

"Lindsay Lohan?" Bella offered.

"My little sister was way into her at one point," I shrugged.

"You can borrow my copy if you'd like… maybe next time you have to stop by the office?" Bella volunteered.

"Like… on VHS?" I said, wondering why someone would have such an old movie lying around.

"I only have the DVD version…" Bella began.

"Um… that's cool," I said. "So… let's go over your ideas for the web site…"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: No offense to Lindsay Lohan or her fans intended.**


	5. Chapter 5

**BPOV**

"So, was he hot?"

"Rose, why is it whenever I mention a man in any sort of conversation, your first question is about his level of attractiveness?" I grimaced. "I mention the teenager cashier at the grocery store and you ask if he was cute. I mention the hobo I saw on the way to work and you ask if he was hot. I tell you I got pulled over by a cop with the same mustache as my dad and you ask me if the guy was – and I quote – 'lickable.' Lickable, Rose. You questioned a man's lickability."

"What's wrong with appreciating the artistry of the male form?" Rose huffed.

"I'm sorry, Rose, but 'Yo, check out the six pack on that guy' or 'that guy looks like he has a _huge _johnson' are not appreciating the male form," I snorted. "You're worse than your boyfriend at ogling people and being loud about it in public."

"Whatever. So, was he cute?" Rose reiterated.

"I was too busy trying to prove to him that I'm not some skank trying to seduce his married father to notice whether or not he was attractive," I replied.

"Please," Rose snorted. "It takes three seconds tops to tell if a guy is hot or not. He's a web designer right…? So, seriously, Bells, was he geek chic or just a troll who escaped the dungeon?"

"I told you I don't know, Rose. I was kind of focused on convincing him that I am not a gold-digging whore out to break up a thirty-year marriage," I sighed. "And you're not being very helpful. I'm supposed to be venting here. This is the son of my disaster date, Rose. You could be a little supportive."

"Believe it or not, I am trying to be supportive," Rose replied. "I thought maybe we could take this whole awful situation and turn it into something positive."

"The last thing this guy wants is to date me," I snorted. "In fact, I think he blames me for breaking up his parents' marriage, even if they were separated before his dad and I even met online. He kept blaming me for everything."

"It wasn't your fault," Rose shook her head. "You just got involved in a wacky mishap. Happens all the time."

"On scripted prime time television, maybe," I snorted.

"Obviously, this dude has issues," Rose continued.

"And I haven't even told you the worst part yet," I sighed. Rose huffed but allowed me to go on and finish my story, waiting a full minute until after I finished me to tell me what she really thought.

"So… your boss has put you with him on this project? But you're a writer. You don't know anything about making a web site," Rose snorted.

"Apparently, I'm the type of person we're marketing the site to. Our online editor is super web savvy and she thought it was a great idea that someone like me should have input too," I sighed.

"Someone like you?" Rose asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, someone like me," I grimaced. "Someone who knows the basics of the Internet, you know, Facebook, email and posting funny pictures of cats. I know how to use Twitter, but I have no idea how to design a website or what half of the weird crap she and Edward were talking about mean. I'll be meeting with our online, our marketing director and Edward weekly to give feedback on the site for the rest of the month."

"And this helps you transition from personal assistant to writer how?" Rose snorted.

"I thought maybe Irina would let me do some online writing," I shrugged. "We talked about having content that is unique online so we can drive people to the web site and then back to the magazine…"

"Bella, you have been working there for two and a half years and haven't written a single sentence for that magazine," Rose snorted. "I'm starting to wonder if you're really getting your foot in the door at this place…"

"My hard work will pay off," I replied.

"I think you need to be more aggressive," Rose said. "Even if she can be a total bitch, I think Irina will know where you're coming from. I mean, she knew on the front end when she hired you that you wanted to write, not be her personal errand-runner. You'd think with all of the shit you do for her she would have at least let you write _something _by now."

"I can handle my job, Rose," I said, annoyed.

"Alright, Bells," Rose conceded.

"Where my girls at?" Emmett's voice boomed from our living room.

"Why did you give him a key?" I sighed. Rose shrugged.

"We're in Bells' room!" Rose shouted back.

"You ladies decent?" Emmett asked before throwing open the door. He let out a sad sigh when he saw we were, in fact, decent. "Man, just once I'd like to walk in on a naked pillow fight."

"Hate to break it to you, Em, but I seriously doubt that happens very often in real life," I snorted. He walked over and gave Rose a kiss before plopping down on the end of my bed, his weight sending Rose and I up about a foot off the bed.

"So, what's shaking?" he asked.

"Remember that old man I accidentally set Bells up with?" Rose asked.

"Rose! You told him about that?" I gasped.

"I wanted to know why she was so bummed out on our date," Emmett shrugged.

"Anyway, his son is the new consultant for _Femme_'s website relaunch," Rose said.

"You're shitting me!" Emmett said. "So, Bells, is he hot?"

"You two have one-track minds," I grimaced.

"Ah, come on Bells," Emmett smirked, "you don't _really_ want to spend the rest of your life married to a guy that doesn't turn you on. Rose and I are just looking out for you."

"Yeah, you don't want to spend the rest of your life faking orgasms," Rose agreed. "I mean, I'm all for guys with good stock portfolios who spend their money wisely, don't cheat on you with a dozen sluts and know what they want out of life, but I couldn't stay with a guy who had all his shit together if he made my ladybits shrivel up and die every time I looked at him. And don't give me that inner beauty is all that counts crap."

"Amen, girlfriend," Emmett nodded, giving Rose a squeeze. "That's why I hooked up with the hottie here."

"He's so charming," I snorted at Rose.

"Rose has dated some dogs before," Emmett continued. "I was Facebook stalking her high school boyfriend last week. Dude looks his mama beat him with a switch off an ugly bush."

"Chad hasn't aged well. And why were you stalking my old boyfriends?" Rose asked curiously.

"To see if I win," Emmett shrugged.

"Win?" Rose and I repeated at the same time.

"Yeah," Emmett nodded. "To see if I win. See, he's a manager at a Wendy's, and I work for the Seahawks, so one point for me. And I have over six hundred friends and he only has around four hundred, so point for me. Of course, he drives a really cool Mustang and I've got a lame Honda Civic, so score point for him. But he's also in an 'it's complicated' relationship with a girl who freaks out if he ever comments on another girl's post and airs all their relationship crap in her status updates while I've got Rosie here, so like ten points for me."

"Aw," Rose cooed.

"You two are so lame," I shook my head. "And isn't a little weird for you to be Facebook stalking Rose's old boyfriends?"

"I already Facebook stalked his old girlfriends," Rose shrugged. "Bitches. All of them, crazy bitches."

"Got that right," Emmett nodded. "But, seriously, Bells, it is kind of weird you would run into this guy again in such a short span of time. Hopefully, he's not stalking you or something."

"He didn't have any idea I worked there," I shook my head. "He was totally surprised, and then he got mean on me."

"Well, if you need someone to scare him off for you…" Emmett began. Before our conversation could go further, the Chinese takeout guy buzzed our room, and we dispatched Emmett down to pick everything up, hoping he wouldn't eat most of it on the way back. Over dinner, I explained to Emmett my torture session with Edward, and Emmett oh-so-sympathetically laughed his ass off all the way through.

"Look, Bells, this guy is obvious going through a tough time," Emmett shrugged. "I mean, I guess it's hard when your parents break up when you're little because you don't really understand it, but I imagine it's a lot tougher when they break up and you're older. I mean, you've graduated, moved out of the house and they're supposed like ride off into the sunset together. And then they don't. It kind of jacks up your whole idea of how life is supposed to be. I mean, your parents have been apart so long it's kind of second nature. If my parents told me they were getting a divorce… I don't know if I could handle it. I mean, as far as I'm concerned their perfect for each other, and they're supposed to stay married until one of them croaks or something. For this guy… I mean, it was recent. Having your parents announce something like that and then seeing them dating other people… I imagine it would feel something akin to an emotional kick to the groin."

"I guess he does have a lot of crap on his plate right," I admitted. "I mean, it would stress me out to… running a home business, my parents getting divorced…His sister hasn't been very supportive of him either… He's probably in the middle of a complete emotional breakdown right now."

"Yeah, and he's a guy so it's worse," Emmett said. "We don't talk about feelings and shit. We bottle it up. If he was a chick, he would have totally cried to you about over chocolate cake or something and then been able to laugh about it. He's probably blaming you because he doesn't want to put the blame on one of his parents."

"You know, Em, you're pretty smart for a guy that failed his freshman English class," I conceded.

"Rose! I told you not to tell anyone that!" Emmett moaned.

"It's cool. I told you about Bella's disaster date," Rose shrugged.

"How does that make things even?" Emmett shook his head.

"I should totally show him your middle school yearbook," I snorted.

"No!" Rose said angrily.

"Aw, come on babe," Emmett pleaded. "You always talk about how awful it was for you back then, but I bet you were really cute."

"A fat, pimply girl with greasy hair, big glasses and braces is not cute," Rose hissed. "I was disgusting."

"You show me when you're good and ready," Emmett said. "Hey, I can bring over my middle school yearbook too."

"Oh, come on, you were probably a total hunk back then," Rose snorted. "Star of the middle school football team and what not."

"Believe it or not, I didn't bulk up until I was a sophomore. And I'm pretty sure I'm wearing Steve Urkel suspenders in my eighth grade photo," Emmett mused. "I bet Bells looks normal in her middle school picture."

"No. I had big bandages across my face in all of them," I sighed. "I usually tripped and cut my forehead or something right before class picture day. My dad never showed my school photos to anyone because all the bruises and cuts might make people think he was abusing me or something. And we had to reschedule my senior photos twice. Once because I got a really bad sunburn that had started to peel and made me look like the undead and the second time because I broke my ankle and was on crutches."

"Back on topic, so, you're working with this guy now," Rose said.

"Yeah," I sighed. "Four more weeks and then he's going to represent everything to Irina and then he has three months to put the site together and then there will be some sort of relaunch. So, that's like four months of this guy popping in and out of my office while I have to live down the shame of accidentally going out with his dad."

"I'm sure he'll get over it," Emmett shrugged. "And who's to say this isn't fate?"

"You believe in fate?" I snorted.

"It's what brought Rosie to me," Emmett replied.

"Cheeseball," Rose snorted.

"Besides, how do you know this guy didn't see you Friday night and ask your dad for your info or something?" Emmett said. "I know my dad hasn't had a problem with scoring a hot waitresses number for me or something."

"He better not have done that since we started dating," Rose said through gritted teeth.

"Relax, babe," Emmett said. "Dad thinks you're totally gorgeous. He even gave me a high five behind your and my mom's backs when I brought you home to meet the folks."

"I doubt Edward asked his dad for my info. I mean, unless he was trying to prove I was a tramp or something," I snorted. "And it was just a coincidence that the magazine hired him to redo the website."

"Coincidence or fate?" Emmett retorted. "It's just icing on the cake that the two of you are going to be spending a lot of long, hot hours at the office…uh… you know, surfing the net or whatever. I mean, yeah, meeting him for the first time was totally mortifying, but it sounds like a great story to tell your kids one day."

"You don't seriously believe all this crap, do you?" I shook my head in disbelief.

"Em is a _huge_ closet romantic comedy fan," Rose ribbed him. "He's got all of them on DVD at home… _Love Actually, My Best Friend's Wedding, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Sleepless in Seattle, When Harry Met Sally, Runaway Bride, On Golden Pond_…"

"Hey, _On Golden Pond_ is a classic and Katharine Hepburn was sexy, old lady or no," Emmett said defensively. "Besides, chick flick sex scenes are hot."

"Wow, Em, we're going to have to go over to your place and have a chick flick marathon," I smirked. "Rose only lets us watch horror flicks and Adam Sandler comedies around here."

"Bells, I know your date totally threw you for a loop, but maybe the best thing is to keep trying," Emmett said. "I could probably set you up with a guy on the team. Any Seahawk you got your eye on?"

"Thanks, but no thanks Em," I sighed. "I am really considering swearing off dating. Again. Maybe I should just get it over with and become a nun or something."

"You are the least religious person I've ever met," Rose snorted.

"Says the girl who says 'fuck' fifty times before breakfast," I replied.

"I'm not a morning person," Rose shrugged. "We just want you to be happy, Bella."

"Just think about it Bells," Emmett nodded. I sighed.

Even if they were both completely off their rockers, I had to admit Emmett and Rose were making a lot of sense.


	6. Chapter 6

**EPOV**

As much as I hated to admit it, Bella's ideas for the web site were pretty great. I guess having a woman's input on a website aimed at women was probably a good idea to start with, and the fact that she was sort of an everyday user rather than a computer whiz was also a plus. Begrudgingly, I had to admit Bella was an okay person. Between her email exchanges from my father as well as the more polite and honest conversations we had after we cleared the air about her mixed-up date with dad, I could no longer pretend she wasn't a decent person and even slightly funny. I still wasn't sure how working as Irina's glorified secretary would get her a writing job. She reminded me that the politically correct term is now personal assistant or executive assistant and insisted her hard work was going to pay off.

Even if Bella's input was valuable and now required for the project as per Irina, it was still a bitch to rework everything I had already set up to include her suggestions. I was hoping to at least get a new prospectus done this week and then, if there weren't too many more changes when I met up with Bella and the web team Friday, I could hopefully get started on the nuts and bolts of things. Fortunately, most of my other big projects were under control at this point, so I could pull back and focus on the _Femme_ site. I spent the rest of the day Monday working on the project, at least until around six that night when I got a call from my mother.

"Edward, dear, I was wondering if you could come over to supper on Wednesday," Mom said in a bright, tinkling voice over the phone. "Your father and I have something we want to tell you and your sister."

"Mom, I don't think I can take any of your and Dad's life-changing announcements," I sighed.

"I know it's been tough on you, Edward," Mom sighed, "but marriages are hard and require a lot of work. And sometimes, it requires time apart so two people can see what really matters in life. You'll understand one day when you get married."

"So you've said," I replied, annoyed.

"I wish you could be a little more supportive of this for us," Mom said sadly. "Alice understands why we need this time. We've told you over and over again that our ultimate goal isn't to get divorced by to get back together."

"Then why be apart? Why get separated and live in separate places?" I grimaced. "Why date other people?"

"Look, you can talk with your father and I about this on Wednesday," Mom said.

"Alright, alright," I groaned. "What time to I need to be there?"

"Six if you can," Mom said. "Alice tells me you're busy with that big new project. How did you like Irina?"

"She… certainly knows what she wants," I grimaced.

"Yes," Mom laughed. "She is very decisive. But personally, I prefer working with people like Irina who have their mind made up than the ones who change their minds every few seconds."

"I know what you mean," I grimaced, proceeding to tell Mom a bit about the client from hell. She laughed along with me and told me about the home she had once designed for a lawyer's third, young trophy wife who wanted first a Barbie-themed house, then a Marilyn Monroe-themed house and then a Princess-style castle designed. Not five minutes after I hung up with my mother, Alice called.

"I was thinking… maybe Jasper and I should scrap the whole dinner party thing and just tell Mom and Dad Wednesday," Alice said.

"Alice, Mom and Dad already have something big and most likely stressful to tell us Wednesday night," I reminded her. "I don't think anyone needs any more stress that night, and I really think you should pick another night."

"I just thought it might take some of the pressure off," Alice said nervously. "I mean, if Mom and Dad are dealing with their own crap, they won't pay as much attention to this…"

"Or you could just distract them from their own crap and they could blow up at you," I pointed out. "Alice, it's this much stress just to tell Mom and Dad about this engagement and if you're so freaked out about what they are going to think of your fiancé… I don't know… isn't that a sign that maybe the engagement isn't a good idea?"

"But… I _love _Jasper," Alice said.

I could envision her lower lip wobbling and her eyes getting big and teary like she always did whenever she wanted something and wasn't getting her way. It always worked on our dad and it usually worked on me. It's the reason why Alice owned every stuffed animal known to man as a kid. It's why Alice got a brand new car for her sweet sixteen while I got an old clunker. It's why Dad forked over the cash for her to get an off-campus apartment rather than live in the dorms. I had a feeling that face would be the same one that would make Dad slide over a blank check to fund her Civil War-themed wedding.

"You also _love_ your shoes. And you _love _going to sample sales," I snorted.

"That's different," Alice insisted. "You'd understand if you quit being such a sourpuss, got off your computer every once in a while and actually found someone to love."

"I do not want to have this conversation now, Alice," I gritted.

"I know Tanya was a queen bitch and led you around, but that isn't any reason to give up on romance entirely," Alice said.

"Sorry, Alice, but I don't live in one of your Disney princess movies," I snorted. "Some of us have to deal with reality."

"This is exactly what I'm talking about," Alice snorted. "And to think, I was going to pay you to design my wedding website."

"Wedding website?" I scoffed.

"Yeah, they're all over the place," Alice nodded. "They can keep everyone up-to-date with the planning, the registry, and we can put our pictures and stuff on it… Of course, all the sites that do it are so cookie cutter and I really want something that more encompasses are theme…"

"Jeez, Alice, I'm your brother. I can do it for free," I snorted.

"No, I want to pay you," Alice said. "I pay you to do my business site, even if you do give me an insane family discount. Besides, if I pay you for it, you still have to buy as a gift and I have my eyes on a new pair of Manolo's that…"

"Aren't wedding gifts supposed to be for both of you?" I snorted.

"Jasper and I already both have blenders and toaster ovens and things like that," Alice shrugged.

"Alright," I sighed. "Send me over some ideas when you get a chance. We can meet up some time this week and work on it."

"Thanks so much big brother!" Alice squealed before saying goodbye. I sighed after hanging up with her, rubbed my eyes and went to bed, lest my father decide to call me with some annoying request or another.

Tuesday and most of the day Wednesday passed a lot faster than I would have liked. I had hoped the days would drag so it would seem like I had more time before the family get-together that night, but naturally, everything went easy. I didn't get a single call from the client from hell, finished up tons of project and was even able to do most of the _Femme_ stuff I had to do by the time I had to wash up and get ready to go over to my parents' place. I was surprised to find I was the last to arrive. Usually, Alice bordered on thirty minutes late because she had to make sure her outfit, makeup and hair were perfect, even if she was just going out to get the mail or the morning newspaper. If getting Alice to show up on time was Jasper's handiwork, I had to admit he might be a miracle worker.

Mom let me inside and I followed her to the living room, where pre-dinner cocktails were already in swing. Mom and Alice were both nursing fruity cocktails while Dad had a glass of scotch sitting on the table beside him. Jasper, again, stood out with a can of Bud. I always found it a little funny that he always wanted a can of beer while sitting in the middle of my mother's Louis XIV-themed living room. Dad got up to make me a carbon copy of his own drink. It was strange seeing my parents in the same house, even if they had only be separated a week. After all, the last time I had seen the two of them in this house together was the tense evening they announced their separation.

This time, however, Mom and Dad were laughing, joking and even sitting on the same couch together. Mom went around the room asking everyone what they had done that week. Dad told about a few of the more interesting surgery cases that week while Jasper talked about some of the subjects his students were covering as well as his own research. Alice told a funny story about a bride who refused to allow any bathroom breaks during her rehearsal dinner, only for her flower girl to pee all over the aisle because she could no longer hold it.

I glossed over my week, not wanting to bring up the subject of Bella. Finally, Mom adjourned us into the dining room where she and Alice proceeded to bring out the four course meal Mom had cooked up. The sheer amount of food was close to the portions we ate at Christmas, Thanksgiving or Easter, making me wonder what was up. Mom usually only cooked this much if she was excited or upset, which made me slightly nervous. I tried to eat, but ended up pushing most of my food around on my plate. Once dessert was brought out, my parents finally got around to their big announcement.

"Well, as you know, your mother and I had something we wanted to talk to you about," Dad said. Mom smiled and nodded at him.

"Your father and I have been seeking marital counseling for a few months now," Mom said. "With the two of you out of the house, the dynamic of our marriage has really changed…"

"And your mother and I bought thought it would be best if we sought counseling to work on our marriage," Dad said. "We'd been so busy with our careers and raising kids…"

"We never really just took time for us and the strain was starting to show," Mom continued. "But after what happened on Friday…"

"Well, we've talked things over with our therapist and he agreed with us," Dad said, "that it would be best if we ended our separation and got back together."

"Finally," I grimaced.

"That's great!" Alice grinned, bouncing up and hugging both of our parents.

"I'm glad to hear it," Jasper nodded.

"After all, a thirty year marriage isn't something you throw away at the drop of a hat," Dad nodded.

"And all I really wanted to see was that your father was just as passionate about me now as he was when we first got married," Mom agreed, giving Dad a loving look. He reached over and took her hand in his with a smile. "And it's different now, too, not having you kids around. It sort of made me wonder if I was wanted."

"Of course you were wanted," Dad beamed at her. I really hoped he wasn't talking in double entendres.

"Wait, so all I had to do was get Dad to punch some guy in a the face for you?" I said, a little disgruntled.

"Daddy! You hit someone?" Alice gasped.

"Not just someone. Eleazar Garcia," I snorted.

"Your _golf buddy_?" Alice gaped. "Mom, what were you doing out with Dad's golf buddy? You didn't tell me that part of the story when you called…"

"Don't worry, Alice. His nose will heal fine," Dad assured her. "Dr. Gerandy set it himself and said he was a clean break…"

"Daddy!" Alice gaped.

"Now, Alice, sometimes a man does what he has to do to defend his woman's honor," Jasper said lightly. I raised an eyebrow, but Jasper shrugged me off. I was definitely going to have to prod Alice about that later.

"Well, I don't like it," Alice huffed.

"I assure you, dear, it was very romantic," Mom giggled. I rolled my eyes at my mother's annoying school girl impersonation. Then again, if her annoying giggling over my father was what I would have to put up with for her and Dad to stick together, I was more than happy to do so.

"I still don't like that Daddy had to get violent," Alice snorted.

"Oh, come now, sugar plum," Jasper calmed her. "It's not so different from when we went to dinner with some of my colleagues and you punctured that art professor's tire with your heel during a 'trip to the ladies room'."

"That bitch would have gotten much more than a stiletto to her tires if she'd hugged you for once second longer," Alice grimaced.

"Mary Alice Brandon Cullen! Language!" Mom said, upset.

"She had it coming," Alice huffed.

"I'm glad you and Mom finally realized what the rest of us knew all along," I said to them. Dad laughed and Mom mussed my hair like she used to when I was younger. She sat back in her chair and sighed.

"I only wish we could thank that young lady at the restaurant," Mom sighed.

"What?" I said, nearly choking on the bite of pie I had just taken.

"Yes, I do feel sorry for that poor girl. She was obviously either the victim of a horrible mix up or her friends aren't as nice as she thinks they are," Dad nodded. "If it wasn't for that terrible mix up, though I wouldn't have been in that restaurant the same time as your mother."

"Why don't you thank Eleazar for being a human punching bag?" Alice smirked.

"Already sent him a fruit basket, dear," Dad replied.

"But I do feel sorry for that poor girl," Mom sighed. "I remembered how difficult dating was thirty years ago. I never thought I'd find someone until your father came along. I can't imagine how hard it must be for girls now… And most young men are hardly as polite and refined as they were in my dad. Present company excluded of course."

"Did you…uh… try to tell her?" I asked quietly.

"She had taken down her profile on the site and I had only contacted her through the private email system on the site," Dad shrugged. "She never revealed where she worked or anything. Probably a good idea on her part since the Internet is not exactly a safe place to meet people, particularly for young ladies."

"The poor dear was just mortified Friday night, and my heart just went out to her," Mom shook her head. "I can't imagine anything more embarrassing…"

"I'm sure telling her that would make her feel a lot better," I snorted.

"We just wanted to show her that something good did come of it," Mom replied. "Then maybe she won't feel so bad. Your father and I really do owe her for rekindling that spark in our marriage, and…"

"Please don't talk anymore about sparks or fireworks or anything else," I grimaced. "I don't think I can handle that…"

"I was just going to say," Mom grimaced, "that we would like to have her over and thank her properly for all she's done. But we don't have any way of finding her."

"Other than the website and that one meeting at the restaurant, we had no contact," Dad nodded. "I didn't have a personal email or cell phone number or anything. Which is understandable, I suppose."

"I just wish there was something we could do," Mom sighed.

To be perfectly honest, most of me wanted to just say that their inability to find Bella was a darn shame and then continue on with dinner. I really didn't want any more reminders of my parents' separation or the disastrous night in Il Bistro. However, one look at my parents and how lovingly they were gazing at each other took over the rational part of my mind. They were happily back together, and, as much as I hated to admit it, that strange night with Bella Swan had something to do with that. I had been hoping to finish the job at _Femme_ as soon as possible and probably never see Bella Swan again after that point, but, yet again, my parents had upset my personal applecart. Even as the words were leaving my lips, I didn't realize I was the one saying them.

"Mom, Dad, what if I could put you in contact with Bella Swan?"


	7. Chapter 7

**BPOV**

Though I repeatedly asked them to drop the subject, Rose and Emmett were both determined to hook me up with someone. Even worse, it had become a contest between the two of them to who could find me the hottest date. Emmett was throwing out the names of some of the all-brawn-no-brain variety he dealt with at his job while Rose was trying to force every book store clerk, barista and pseudo-intellectual hipster-wannabe in my direction because I once confessed to her I found nerd glasses sexy. All in all, the only thing Rose and Emmett were able to score for me were a bunch of semi-attractive guys looking at me dumbly and probably trying to figure out what was so wrong about me that I couldn't get a date like a normal person.

To stop Emmett and Rose from turning my life into some sort of godforsaken version of "The Bachelorette," I finally just agreed to go out with one of their suggestions. Emmett had dug up an old friend of his whom now owned an indie comic book store in town, and after Rose put the argument that finding hot nerds for me to date was "her thing," I conceded to see the guy on Friday. Emmett was super convinced this guy was going to be the love of my life and had already declared himself the "man of honor" at our wedding. This announcement made me suddenly more afraid of hitting it off with my blind than the date turning into yet another fiasco.

Work was mostly my escape from Emmett and Rose's constant prying into my dating life, until around Wednesday. I was minding my own business when I heard a couple of girls in the bathroom talking about the hot guy who was designing the new web site. I didn't understand why, but it burned me up that they were talking about Edward like that. We were supposed to be a magazine for liberated women and all, but some of the girls at _Femme_never seemed to do anything but discuss the sexual attributes of anything remotely male that walked into our offices. I hoped none of our skanky sex and relationship columnists would corner Edward and try to rape him in the cube or something. None of the girls in that department had gotten the memo that being in control of your sexuality didn't mean you had to be promiscuous.

Fortunately for Edward, the women he would be working with mainly here wouldn't try to seduce him due to the lack of Y chromosomes in our workplace. I knew for a fact that our led web editor was a lesbian thanks to her Facebook status and the pictures of her and her girlfriend plastered all over her office. Our marketing director was in a committed relationship with her job and one of those devout "I need a man like a fish needs a bicycle" adherents. The other web designer girls were both so in love with David Tennant they probably refused to believe other men existed, and Edward didn't exactly have a Scottish accent or time travel devices.

After analyzing Edward's potential dating pool at my office, I snapped out of it. There was no reason why I should be analyzing which women in the office would be most likely to go for him. After all, I should be analyzing my own love life rather than that of a complete stranger. Doing what any self-respecting modern woman does before a blind date, I googled the shit out of the guy. Unfortunately, my efforts were I vain. All I got was a highly protected Facebook page with a picture of V from _V for Vendetta_as the avatar, the website of his comic book store and a small blurb in the Seattle Times about his store opening. I briefly contemplated calling up my dad and asking him if he would run a background check on the guy, but being a small town police chief, Charlie is innately suspicious of anyone and would demand to know who the guy was. The last thing I needed was my date mysteriously taken downtown before it even started.

After that, I decided to focus more on my career, which I had to admit was a little bit more important than my non-existent dating life. In this economy, I figured it was a lot easier to find a man than another job. The more I thought about it, the more I wondered why after nearly three years of devoted service Irina hadn't given me any writing assignments. She knew when I walked through the door that I wanted to  
>write and she had told me there was plenty of room for advancement at <em>Femme<em>. After hyping myself up for a good thirty minutes outside her door, I walked into Irina's office Thursday with a complete list of  
>story ideas I could do.<p>

"Yes, Bella?" Irina asked me after I rapped on her door.

"I…uh… I was wondering if I could take a moment to talk to you…" I said, trying not to seem nervous. Irina looked up from whatever she was working on, eyed me for a moment and then nodded, gesturing for me to take a seat in front of her desk.

"Vhat is troubling you, Bella?" Irina asked me as I tried to adjust myself comfortably in my seat.

"Well, as you know, I have been working here for three years and when I was initially hired, you told me this would be a good opportunity to cut my teeth and move up to writing jobs," I said, attempting to be as professional as possible. "I just wanted to show you I am still committed to that. And I have a few ideas of my own I would like to submit to you… perhaps something I could work on and submit while I'm still carrying on my duties for you."

I handed over the nice list of story ideas and suggestions I had typed up to look official. Irina scanned over them, and I squirmed nervously in my seat, waiting to see he reaction. I knew Irina was a tough cookie to crack, so I was determined to show her I was committed and dedicated to making my writing career at _Femme_ a reality. It seemed like an hour had passed before Irina had finished reading my suggestions and looked up to meet my face. I was incredibly nervous about what she would say.

"These are interesting ideas, Bella," Irina said, "but between your present duties and vorking on the project for the vebsite, I do not vant to see you stretched too thin."

"I won't be stretched thin," I promised. "I'm confident I can do this. I took a full load of classes, an internship and working on the college paper my senior year of college. I can do this."

"You vill have no social life," Irina pointed out.

"I don't have much of one now," I said bitterly.

"Exactly, _dorog'aya moy'a_," Irina nodded. "I remember vhat it vas like to be young and focused on my career. You need to have fun vhile you are still young enough to."

"You don't understand," I shook my head. "I want this for my career. I want to be a writer more than anything. I have absolutely loved working as your P.A., but this has always been my dream. I'm sure you, of all people, understand why I want to do anything to make this happen."

"You remind me so much of myself vhen I vas young," Irina sighed. "I don't know if that is good or bad thing." She scanned the list I had prepared for a minute, marked something on it with her pen, and then looked back at me. "In a month and a half, ve have a technology issue coming out. You vill vrite on this topic I have selected. Please, Bella, try not to over burden yourself vith this. If it is more than you can handle, I do not vant you to be stressed."

"I can do this," I assured her.

Irina slid my paper back to me, and I nearly fell out of my chair at what she had selected. I had just thought it up randomly while Rose was putting my profile together and now, here I was, on assignment for _Femme_ with a story about online dating for women. I had to admit, it was a pretty good story pitch over whether or not a woman could find her prince charming over the Internet, but with my own recent experience with the subject, it was hard not to balk at the assignment. This was my chance to prove to Irina I had what it takes to make it as a writer for the magazine, so I put my own fears aside and began brainstorming on how to approach the subject.

"Thank you for this opportunity," I said to her.

"Yes, yes," Irina waved me off. "You have appointment vith interveb guru, do you not?" I tried not to frown at the mention of Edward, thanked her again, and then headed off to the conference room.

Tia, our web editor, was already in the room, chatting on the phone with her girlfriend, who is stationed overseas right now. Her assistants, Bree and Makenna, were both giggling over some Doctor Who fanfiction site. Our marketing editor Leah, affectionately known as "the ball buster" by her staff, had not made an appearance, so I could only hope she wasn't threatening some company over a chauvinistic ad they had submitted to run with the mag. Edward wasn't their either, which also made me glad. I took out my notebook and began to scratch out some ideas for my story assignment, some possible contacts for the story, and anything else I could think of.

A few minutes later, Edward and Leah entered the room together, Leah already browbeating Edward about how there needed to be more advertising space on the website. Edward looked a little flustered at her heavy handed requests and was trying to calmly explain to her that he could only provide the advertising spaces and the actual ads would be put in by the web editor at a later date. Tia made kisses noises to her girlfriend and hung up the phone. Bree and Makenna, however, were still squealing at whatever they were looking at.

"Please show some professionalism, ladies," Leah snorted, taking her seat at the head of the table.

Bree and Makenna fell silent and sat up straight, like she was their drill sergeant or something. Edward shot me a quirked eyebrow as Leah called the meeting officially to order. I could only give him a roll of my eyes. He would learn soon enough that Leah was only second to Irina when it came to being Head Bitch In Charge. After taking about half of the meeting time to plan advertising strategy, Leah finally let the rest of us get down to the nitty gritty of what the actually content of the site would be. Tia outlined all the features of the magazine that were essential, including of course the interactive comments, video replies and other social media factors I had suggested at the previous meeting.

"And now on to our Social aspect," Tia said. "I think Bella's idea of having a social networking aspect to the site is great. After all, we are all about women. I was thinking of incorporating sort of a corkboard aspect, like Pinterest, as well as some of the sharing tools you see on Facebook. We could set up user profiles sort of like a social media site where our users can clip things they like, whether it is a recipe, a list of yoga poses from our health and fitness center, a petition that is related to one of our social outreach stories or something they like. Feedback is also essential with polls… maybe even reader written articles or blog posts so they can chime back in. Bella?"

"I think that sounds great," I agreed. "We can even take reader comments and quotes and put them back in the actual print product. Sort of a '_Femme_ Readers Talk Back' section where we take the best of the best of our online feedback. It would be a real, twenty-first century letters to the editor."

"Alright," Edward nodded, furiously scribbling down notes. "And as far as feedback… you should have good traffic reports that indicate which one of your articles, users, videos, etcetera is getting the most traffic so you know what readers are interested in."

"How soon do you think you can have a mockup of the redesign?" Tia said.

"Most of the original elements haven't changed," Edward conceded. "Adding this social media layer may take a little effort. I could have a basic layout of a user profile done. Clipping articles on a corkboard might be harder. I might have to fool around with the blog entry functions on user pages to see how we can accomplish that. Of course, Facebook and social media connects, posting videos, reblogging stories, polls, and comments are all pretty much standard features on web sites now. I do have one suggestion, though. I've noticed the magazine usually has some sort of flow chart in it… sort of a choose your own adventure – like the what sort of volunteer are you or where is your ideal travel destination. We could make an interactive, animated flow chart to accompany on your site. Sort of like a live 'Choose Your Own Adventure.' It's really a basic quiz question-answer format, but we could format it to be more animated, more artistic. In addition to the flow charts, we could use these as online quizzes too. You also have the current events quiz in the back, so that could be useful. With the user interface, you could even keep score… See who the current event quiz master is so to speak." The room was silent and Edward looked like he was afraid of being mauled by harpies.

"That's brilliant" I interjected, partially to save him and partially because it really was. "Believe me, I know some of these ladies really take these trivia things seriously. Having bragging rights would be important to them."

"And you could post the results of your quiz or the results of your flowchart on your personal page, sort of like all those dumb Facebook quizzes," Bree nodded.

"She took the 'What Dr. Who Sidekick Are You?' on Facebook and got Melanie Bush," Makenna whispered to us. I figured that was bad and shot her a sympathetic look.

"So, how much extra time would that take?" Tia asked Edward.

"A week and a half at the soonest," Edward said. "I could have a preliminary redesign ready this time next week and then a full one a week after that. That should give us enough time to check it out and see what else needs tweaking. I'm sure we'll want to do a beta launch of the site as well just to get some preliminary user feedback before we go live officially."

"I like the way you think," Tia nodded.

"So, are we done for the day?" Leah asked.

"Unless you ladies have any more ideas?" Edward shrugged.

"Nope," Leah answered for us all. "If you will excuse me, ladies. I have a conference call with New York about why they think a woman cooking in her underwear will sell kitchen appliances to her readers." Leah got up from her desk and sashayed out of the room. As soon as she was gone, Tia, Bree and Makenna quickly packed up and followed her out the door.

"Where did they go in such a hurry?" Edward asked.

"The walls of Leah's office are pretty thin and she is rather… creative when it comes to cussing our ads she thinks aren't _Femme_ material," I explained. "Her whole staff and quite frankly most of the office lives for when an advertiser sends in something she finds degrading or insipid or just plain inappropriate. A lot of the advertisers are still men who don't realize no one wants an ad that looks like softcore porn next to a story about a woman risking her life to save Somali child soldiers."

"True," Edward said. "Real turn off." I glared at him and he threw up his hands defensively. "I was trying to make a joke, honest!"

"You have to work on your sarcastic voice," I snorted.

"My sister tells me that," Edward grumbled. "Well, uh… do you have to be getting back?"

"Came in early," I shook my head. "I'm actually ready to leave…"

"Okay, well… I can walk you out or whatever…" Edward said.

"Okay," I nodded. I grabbed my bag and Edward followed me to the elevator. He shifted awkwardly.

"So, uh… big plans?" Edward asked.

"Unfortunately," I grumbled. He raised his eyebrow in a questioning expression and I sighed. "My roommate and her boyfriend's conspiring has forced me into another blind date. Emmett swears the guy is cool, but… I don't know if it's worth it. I mean, leaving work early so I can primp and catch a cab to some weird restaurant where I'll probably not want to eat any of the gross food on the menu while some guy who's probably a closet creeper tries to connect with me… Maybe they should bring back arranged marriages, you know?"

"Yeah, but that brings up the whole complicated issue of trying to figure out how many goats a woman is worth," Edward pointed out. "I mean, can you imagine? My sister is really high maintenance, but my dad thinks she's his little princess. I could see some guy coming in and offering like three goats for her and my dad would get all upset, insisting she's worth at least ten goats and then he'd start some family feud with this guy and next thing you know, he's convincing me to go all _Braveheart_ and defend my sister's honor since he's older and can't fight some twenty-year-old punk who doesn't want to part with his goats."

"You put way too much thought into that scenario," I snorted.

"Believe me, there was a time when I was seriously concerned I would have to pay someone to date my sister," Edward shook his head. "But now she's engaged to this wannabe Confederate general from Texas and… I don't know…"

"You owe me a story about your sister marrying Robert E. Lee," I smirked. The elevator chimed and we both stepped out.

"Well… I could give you a ride home…" Edward shrugged.

"I'm actually not headed home," I admitted. "The primping thing… I was doing that in the cab on the way over. The guy… he runs a comic book store and apparently Fridays are his busy night. He wanted this whole date over by six."

"Well, at least he's not going to try and sleep with you on the first date," Edward shrugged.

"Unless his comic back store has one of those seedy backrooms hidden behind hippie beads," I pointed out.

"Since you don't have a car…maybe… uh… maybe I could drop you off?" Edward suggested.

"Edward, I honestly don't think it's a good idea to have another guy drop you off at your date," I shook my head. "I mean, what kind of message would that send? Hey, my last date just dropped me off and would you be kind enough to drop me off on my next one when we're finished here?"

"Either that or I'm still in middle school and need my dad or an older sibling to drive me places," Edward said. "Are you sure you don't want to… I don't know… skip it?"

"Tempting, but Rose and Em have a pretty big bet on whether or not this guy is going to be my life partner," I shrugged. "I guess I'll see you next week?"

"Uh…sure…" Edward said. I flagged down a cab in front of the building and got in. For a moment, I could have sworn I heard Edward calling my name as the taxi sped off.


	8. Chapter 8

**EPOV**

Shit Edward. You had one task. One task: just to ask her to dinner so your parents could thank her for reconnecting their marriage. And what did you talk to her about? Fucking goats and Jasper. Well, not goat fucking. Jasper and goat fucking should not be said in the same sentence. Though he did grow up on a farm in Texas… No. Stop. Quit thinking about your possible future brother-in-law having naughty escapades with farm creatures. I wonder if Alice knows he did that. I mean, there couldn't have been much else to do in Texas. Do they have goat farms in Texas? Of course, now I can't ask him if they have goats in Texas without worrying if he's wondering that I think he's into kinky goat stuff. Not that he his or ever was. Gross. Shit.

After making a mental note to find out if they make Clorox for your brain, I headed back to my car to get back home and start working on the new site. If I had learned anything in the past few weeks, it was that the women at _Femme_ were not only totally in control but pretty fierce and frightening. Leah the Marketing Director almost made me shit my pants when I got off the elevator and came face-to-face with the man-eating scowl across her face. She quickly informed me it was an advertiser who had pissed her off, but I really didn't want to draw any residual ire from her.

The web women were pretty awesome, sort of the same groovy, nerdy Zooey Deschannel-wannabe girls I had befriended in many of my classes. It was good to work with Tia again as we actually had been classmates during college. She had hit me up on Facebook to talk about how excited she was about working on the project together and I noticed she was still in a relationship with the female Marine she had brought to graduation. Tia had been head-over-heels when she introduced us, but I was a little afraid her girlfriend was going to kick my ass for being shocked that the "Pat" Tia was dating was actually "Patricia." The last thing any guy wants is his ass handed to him by a girl while he's wearing graduation robes, even if that girl is a marine. I, apparently, do not do well with strong, confident self-assured women who also look like they could knock me out with a punch. No body builders for Edward.

As I reached my car, my phone chirped. It was my mother asking me if Bella had accepted their dinner offer. Thanks to Alice, my mother had gotten into texting and was not exactly fluent in text lingo. It made for some funny but mostly awkward situations. For example, the text on my phone currently read:

_What did Bella say? Also, it will be cold this evening. Wear a sweater if you go out. LOL._

Mom was convinced that LOL meant "Lots of Love," no matter how much Alice and I tried to explain to the contrary. It hadn't gotten embarrassed yet, but I could see Mom texting one of us something like "Aunt Jane's breast lump returned. LOL." Even worse was three months ago over dinner when Mom asked Alice and I what DTF stood for. Jasper spit out the stew he was eating in laughter and Mom was entirely confused. She has overheard it in a conversation somewhere and wanted to know what it meant. Alice convinced mom that it stood for "doing the flow," meaning if a girl was on her period. I shuddered, wondering if Mom would be at one of her social events and would ask someone if they were DTF.

I texted my mother back quickly to tell her that I hadn't had a chance to ask Bella yet. I received a text that only contained one of those little sad faces. That text was followed picture of Miss Priss, the Papilion my father had presented my mother with as a makeup gift for their time apart. Dad usually went all out with gifts and this time was no exception, a pure bred dog who came with her own Barbie Dream Home-style puppy accessories. Apparently, my mother's empty-nest syndrome was a part of their marital issues, so Dad thought getting her a dog to baby would help the relationship. I honestly felt sorry for Miss Priss as she was wearing a pink doggie sweater covered in pompoms. It was like Alice as a baby all over again, but in snooty toy dog form. I swallowed my reply and texted back that the dog looked "cute" and received a smiley face as a response. Thank heaven my father's texts were straightforward, clinical, and usually five or less words.

I headed home to get back to work on the _Femme_ project. I turned on my computer, logged on and on a whim decided to pull up my email. There were no less than forty-five messages from my sister with ideas for her Civil War-themed wedding website. Each one of these emails had at least a page of ornate detail and rambling suggestions, many of which conflicted each other. I had known from an early age Alice would eventually become a Bridezilla, but now she seemed determined on being a Bridezilla with the biggest hoop skirts. The irony of having a website for a Civil War-themed wedding didn't escape me either. After about the fifth email asking if I could replicate some sort of Irish lace pattern into the web design, I broke down and called my sister.

"Alice…" I began after she picked up, but that was as far as I could get.

"Oh, good! You're home! Did you get my emails?" Alice tittered on. "I've been exploring all of these great sites that do costuming and even provide authentic silverware and décor for the wedding. And I've found a great recipe book of popular dishes from the period for the caterers to recreate. I was thinking we could have a page devoted to the menu so people could pick which meat they want and we will have accurate numbers for the caterers. Oh, and I've found this lovely pattern for the bridesmaids dresses and I was wondering if you could replicate it as the background for the site and…"

"Breathe, Alice. Breathe," I snorted.

"I'm going to be wearing a corset all day," Alice pointed out. "I think learning to talk and move around without breath might become essential."

"Ali, you are my sister and I love you, but I am not going to redesign your wedding website it its entirety every time you find a new fabric pattern online," I cautioned her. "Now, we can discuss your ideas over lunch sometime, but I'm limiting you to five wedding website-related emails a day. Any more than that and they go directly into the trash bin. I know you want this to be perfect, but believe me, Ali, it will be a lot more perfect if we aren't all stressed out and at each other's throats the entire time, okay?"

"Fine," Alice huffed. I knew she was doing the pout she always did when she didn't get her way.

"And before this web site goes live, I think it would be best if you actually told Mom and Dad you were getting married," I said. "You wouldn't want them to find it out from someone else."

"We're going to tell them at dinner Sunday night. And please, Edward, you have to be there," Alice said. "We need all the moral support we can get."

"Are you sure you want to go through with this?" I asked her.

"Edward," Alice sighed dramatically. "I couldn't possibly _live _without Jasper. He's the Coco to my Chanel."

"I'll be there," I sighed.

"You're the best big brother ever!" Alice squealed.

"Sure, sure," I sighed.

"And I know you're doing a lot for me lately…" Alice began.

"What's one more favor for my only sister, right?" I grimaced.

"It's nothing big… It's just… well," Alice said. "Sometimes I think Jasper gets the feeling you don't like him that much…"

"He does?" I snorted.

"Edward," Alice cautioned me. "Anyway, I get along great with his brother and sister-in-law and family is really important to him. And since he's going to be the closest thing you have to a brother… well. I thought it might be good if the two of you could do some bonding before the wedding… You know… become buddies…"

"Doesn't he have friends of his own? And you said he has a cousin who lives in the city…" I began.

"A female cousin younger than him and, yes, he has friends, but he wants to get to know you since the two of you are going to be family and all," Alice said. "It'll mean a lot to him and it means a lot to me."

"Please tell me I don't have to wear a Confederate uniform. I will do that once for you on your wedding, but that is my limit," I grimaced.

"I was thinking something like camping…" Alice began.

"Jasper's version of camping or our version of camping? Like actually being in the woods in a tent?" I snorted. "Because you know Mom and Dad never took us out into the woods unless it was in the comfort of a fully-stocked RV or in some fancy vacation cabin. You know what mom says. Her idea of camping is a hotel without room service. And I'm not watching NASCAR with him. I don't get why cars going around in a circle is entertainment."

"Just play video games or shoot pool with him or something," Alice begged.

"Alright. We can set something up," I said. "But I get first right of refusal on any questionable activities." Alice squealed and I momentarily had to hold the phone away from my ear.

"So, how did the meeting with _Bella_ go?" Alice asked curiously, once she had calmed down.

"It wasn't a meeting with Bella. It was a meeting with the website design group from _Femme_. Bella was just there," I snorted. "And it went fine."

"Is she coming to dinner, too?" Alice asked.

"I forgot to ask her," I replied.

"How did you forget?" Alice said in disbelief.

"We got to talking and then she had to go and…" I began.

"Talking about what?" Alice asked curiously.

"We talked about her date that night. Some comic book guy or something," I shrugged. "She wasn't too happy about it. Apparently, friends setting her up on horrible blind dates aren't unusual. The fact that Dad is old enough to be her father really was just a fluke."

"She was probably mortified," Alice said. "I mean, I would hate for anyone to think that I'm breaking up a marriage or anything. And I would totally be grossed out if someone set me up with one of Dad's friends. Even if some of them have aged pretty gracefully…"

"Stop right there," I begged her. "Look, I'll see you Sunday and, if all goes well, we can talk then about the web site okay? Until then, no more than five emails a day."

"Alright, I get it," Alice huffed. "I'll see you Sunday."

"Bye."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: The LOL thing? Totally happened to a friend of mine. His Mom posted on his Facebook wall "Aunt So-And-So has breast cancer. LOL." Before he could explain to his mother what LOL really meant, another friend commented below "Dude, your Mom is way harsh." She was embarrassed when she found out.**

**The DTF also happened, again to a friend. Her mom had overheard it somewhere and asked her while they were out at lunch at a nice restaurant. The problem is you don't want your parents to use it in a situation where they could embarrass themselves, but at the same time, you kind of don't want them to know that you know what things like DTF mean. I am fortunate my mother believes Google is all-knowing and asks it these awkward questions, not me.**

**My Mom is the one who says camping is a hotel without room service.**

**And yes, I know the correct spelling is "opossum," but being from the South myself, "possum" is pretty much accepted around here. Southern Fun Fact: Squirrel burritos are much more common and much tastier than they sound.**


	9. Chapter 9

**BPOV**

I wasn't sure what to make of the guy that Emmett had set me up with. At first, all I knew about the guy was that his name was Austin Marks, he ran a comic book store and he apparently wore nerd glasses. We had talked once over the phone to set up our date, and I found it a little odd that he wanted to meet and five and needed to be back to his store by eight that night. It seemed like a pretty tight schedule for a guy who made his money off of superheroes, but I figured that perhaps there was a conflict or Friday night was just a busy night in the comic book world. He seemed a nice enough guy on the phone, though we really hadn't discussed much but dinner plans and what we did for a living.

During the cab ride to the restaurant, I attempted to put Edward Cullen out of my head. It was hard since he was proving hard to shake out of my life. I had to admit Irina and Tia were right about him being the best in the web design business in our area, and despite our awkward introduction to each other, Edward was surprisingly and refreshingly professional when it came down to it. From our conversation that afternoon, I was a little shocked to find that Edward could not only be a nice guy but funny as well. And his family seemed like a bunch of interesting people. After all, it wasn't every day that your sister married an old Confederate or your esteemed doctor father got into a fist fight at a fancy, uptown restaurant.

I was also a little bit confused as to Edward's suggestion that I "skip" my date. It was also kind of weird that he offered to drive me to the date, but I figured Edward was just another one of those web geeks who could be socially awkward at times. It really would explain a lot about him if he was just offering to be nice. I decided not to read too much into Edward's motives, though. I mean, I was on a date with another guy that night and it felt a little unfair to be thinking about Edward when I was supposed to be getting to know Austin.

Initially, I was impressed by Austin's choice for our date. The Melting Pot was a funky, albeit pricey, fondue restaurant where patrons got to dip items in cheese, batter, chocolate and other sauces. It was a nice change of pace from the traditional, sit down and have your food brought to you place. Despite how nice the restaurant was, I found myself alone in the restaurant for fifteen minutes because Austin was late. I was relieved when Austin finally showed up since it stopped everyone else from giving me those "oh, you got stood up" sympathy glances. I am, unfortunately, way too familiar with that look.

Upon his arrival, Austin was at least nice enough to acknowledge he was late and apologize profusely. Apparently, there was a shipment that was supposed to go on sale that night at midnight, but the books hadn't arrived until four that afternoon, leaving him and his staff to scramble to get the display together. I had never heard of the series he was talking about, but apparently it was some huge manga really popular in the area and the reason he had to cut our date short was because of the party tonight when it went on sale. I wanted to ask him why he didn't want to reschedule our date for a more convenient time, but decided against it.

To be perfectly honest, I had expected him to be a nerdy kind of guy, but the man before me was almost thirty and trying to cling on to his "I'm not a Hipster" cooldom. He was ironically wearing a G.I. Joe shirt with a blazer and ratty jeans. His nerd glasses didn't even have glass in them, just frames he had probably picked up to accentuate his look. He also wore a scarf, which I found odd for a rather warm April day. He dominated most of the conversation and I found it hard to keep up with his references to anime and J-Pop bands I had never heard of. I had seen maybe one episode of Pokemon on accident, which made him laugh and not in the "I'm laughing with you" kind of way.

"So, Bella," Austin said, finally giving me a chance at conversation. "What is it you do?"

"I'm the personal assistant for the editor-in-chief of a women's magazine," I replied.

"So, a secretary?" Austin asked, his eyebrows raised.

"I believe the PC term is personal assistant," I said through gritted teeth.

"Do you just… take phone calls all day and junk?" Austin asked curiously.

"I work very hard," I said, a little annoyed at how often I had been using that phrase recently.

"I'm sure," Austin snorted. "I don't understand why you don't see how degrading that is to your gender."

"Excuse me? You're the one who admitted five minutes ago to having an extensive collection of _My Little Pony _memorabilia," I snorted.

"Hey, _My Little Pony _is a metaphor for life!" Austin snorted.

Things didn't go much better from there. As if our conversation wasn't bad enough, he ordered for me and I was slightly insulted when he told the waiter that I wanted a Diet Coke. I mean, yeah, I would have ordered one anyway, but I felt a little annoyed that he assumed that I wanted or needed a diet soda. By the time dessert rolled around, I was pretty much sick of the guy. Not even the chocolate fountain promising dipped strawberries and other delicacies could lure me to stay. I decided that eventually I would have to drag Rose or someone I could stand to the place if I wanted to get my fill of chocolatey delights. I feigned needing to use the restroom, grabbed my purse, and slunk out of the restaurant as quickly as I could. I knew I was making the right decision when the hostess gave me a sympathetic smile and mouthed "He's a jerk" as I was leaving. Looking at my phone, I realized it wasn't even seven yet.

Rose and Emmett were having a movie night together at the apartment, and I really didn't want to show up and ruin their evening by complaining about their bad date. It seemed like the millionth time they had scheduled a night in because I would be out only for me to return home early, complaining about another date gone awry. Sure, Rose would probably be secretly thrilled that Emmett's blind date wasn't my soulmate, giving her another chance to prove she was the better matchmaker, but I really wasn't in the mood. Instead, I found myself walking to Starbucks, ordering something big and frothy and sitting down at a table to contemplate why I was a douche magnet.

I suppose I went through the mental checklist every woman has after a long string of bad dates or failed relationships. Are my standards too high? Am I not pretty enough? Am I not smart enough? Do people think that my intelligence is a turnoff? Do I talk too much? Do I talk not enough? Am I boring? And ad nauseum in that general direction for about fifteen minutes. I thought about calling up someone, but who would I really call? My dad would threaten to bust a cap in the guy and then remind me there were plenty of nice, down home boys back in Forks in an attempt to get me to move back into his empty nest. My mother would probably laugh, tell me that my aura is beautiful, and then recommend the number of a male escort service in the Seattle area. I finished my drink and then decided to head back home. If I was lucky, I would be able to sneak back to my bedroom without being noticed by Rose or Emmett.

I wasn't lucky. I creeped down the hallway, shut the door as quietly as I could and tiptoed into the main part of the apartment only for Emmett and Rose to turn to face me from their position on the couch.

"Why are you home so early?" Emmett asked, his brow furrowed.

"I knew it! Your date was a dud!" Rose cheered excitedly.

"He couldn't have been that bad," Emmett huffed. Rose looked at me pointedly.

"I…uh… left before dessert because I couldn't stand him any more," I said.

"You gave up fruit dipped in chocolate? Wow, he must have been horrible," Rose snorted.

"What did he do? Maybe you could give him a second chance," Emmett bartered.

"He talked down to me the whole time because I don't read Japanese cartoons or listen to weird Japanese music," I replied. "He ordered for me, including ordering me a Diet Coke…"

"That asshole!" Rose screeched.

"…and I was never able to get a word in edgewise," I sighed. "And Emmett, for the record, guys who just wear plastic frames don't count as guys who wear nerd glasses. They count as wannabe hipster fashion plates."

"I think he wears contacts," Emmett shrugged.

"Why would you wear contacts and plastic frames rather than just wearing glasses?" Rose snorted.

"Anyway, I'm just going to hit the hay," I sighed, attempting to slink into my room. "You guys have fun." Rose and Emmett exchanged concerned looks as I kept my head down and headed into my room.

I got into something more comfortable and meant to pull up my laptop, hoping some funny pictures of cats could cheer me up. I don't know what happened between than and five minutes later when I was a puddle of sobs on my bed and Rose had forced her way into her room to comfort me. Emmett lingered a little in the doorway, seeming a little uncomfortable with all of the feelings in the room and also feeling a little bad himself that the guy he set me up with had bombed.

"It's okay, Bells," Rose said, smoothing my hair down, something I had always wished my mother would do in my childhood.

"What's wrong with me, Rose?" I asked her tearfully. "I mean, it has to be me, right? There is no way that I am just so unlucky I've only ever dated losers. There has got to be something wrong with me."

"There is nothing wrong with you," Rose insisted.

"Maybe I should have tried harder. Maybe I should have put up with it," I shook my head.

"If there is anything I learned in my 72-hour marriage it is that you don't want to be with someone you just feel like you're stuck with," Rose pointed out. "You want to be with someone you can't wait to see."

"But what if no one wants to be stuck with me?" I sobbed.

"I'm really sorry, Bells," Emmett said, seeming a little heartbroken himself. "I really thought you would hit it off. I mean, I know Austin is pretty focused on his career, but I thought… I mean, I never would have set you two up if I knew he was going to act like that."

"Don't feel bad," I shook my head at him.

"But it is my fault that I set you up with another loser," Emmett pointed out. "He's always been an okay guy… I guess… I don't know…"

"It's not your fault," I insisted.

"The two of you just didn't click," Rose replied. "It's no ones fault. What is it your mom always says, Bells?"

"That you have to kiss a lot of princes before you find your frog," I said, giggling slightly. For some reason, I had always been amused at my mother's dating philosophy. It had brought her to Phil, who I kind of thought was froggish anyhow.

"I think you made the right choice, for what its worth," Emmett said. "I'm really going to think differently of Austin now. I mean, what idiot orders a diet drink for a woman? You're supposed to say shit like 'oh honey, why do you always ask for one percent milk? You can drink whole.' You know, shit like that."

"You have never said 'shit like that' to me," Rose pointed out.

"You drink whole milk," Emmett pointed out. "Not that you don't need to. Shit. How did this come back on me?"

"Thanks guys, and you two should get back to your movie," I said. "I'm really sorry I ruined date night."

"You didn't ruin date night," Rose insisted.

"Yeah, she was making me watch 'Hellboy' again," Emmett said, pulling a face. "I just don't get that movie."

"That movie is a classic," Rose snorted.

"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response, Rose," I snorted.

"Ditto," Emmett nodded. Rose looked around for something in my room to throw at Emmett, but he stealthily moved back to the living room. Rose got up and followed behind, all the while delivering a lecture to him on the artistry behind "Hellboy."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_**My Little Pony **_**is**** a metaphor for life.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Back from a family vacation to Gatlinburg (GatVegas as it has now become). Did you know it there are 13 miles between Sevierville and Gatlinburg? And in those 13 miles there are 15 restaurants that serve exclusively pancakes? Are people really that deprived of pancakes? But I digress...**

* * *

><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

I hung up with my sister feeling pretty much like a jerk for the way I had treated Bella. At the time, I had been more focused on the fact that my parents thirty-year marriage – a marriage I had idealized as the epitome of what all marriages should be – was seemingly going up in smoke right in front of my face. I had never really give much thought how uncomfortable blind dates were or what I would have done in a similar situation. I guess since I mainly interacted with computers more than I did people, I could slip into being a complete ass in social situations. I grimace and my thoughts go back to Tayna.

She always pointed out how awkward I was around her friends, how I never started a conversation or never focused on what was being said. Whenever I'd try to be honest and tell her that I found her friends vapid, shallow and boring, she would get angry and tell me that I was the boring one, that she was doing me a favor by introducing me to people who actually knew how to have fun. Tayna refused to believe that I could have fun playing video games or watching YouTube videos. She didn't get my Internet or meme references, which I could understand. What I couldn't understand is why she thought stories about getting drunk, random hook ups, and scoring weed, coke and prescription drugs during a Spring Break trip to Mexico were fun. All of her friends only wanted to go out to clubs, to party, to let their inhibitions go and spend their mornings deleting pictures on Facebook that could get them fired.

Tayna wasn't the type of girl you could take on a romantic picnic to the park. I tried once and she told me I was being a cheapskate. Tayna didn't want to go to places like the symphony or to see plays or to even let me play the piano for her. I tried once to romance her with a little piano music and she asked me if I was "turning gay or something." Her idea of romance was eating half a plate of food at a pricey restaurant followed by going to a club with an outrageous cover charge so we could get overpriced drinks and she could sort of grind up against me to a headache-inducing bass beat. Now that I reflected back on it, I wondered what we had ever seen in each other. Our conversations were never that good anyway. I always wanted to talk about some new upgrade for my computer or something interesting I had read in _Wired_ while Tayna wanted to bitch or gossip about her friends or talk about herself.

Somehow, my thoughts again drifted back to Bella Swan and the emails she had exchanged with my father. She was very articulate and perhaps a little old-fashioned in that she could respect and discuss the finer points of classic books and movies. I doubted very much Bella would be opposed to a date at the symphony or to see an indie film festival or just to hang out in the park and throw a Frisbee around. And even though she seemed like the person who enjoyed those things, she also seemed like the kind of girl who could also appreciate staying in, ordering some take out, drinking a beer and playing a board game or something. It only exacerbated my ire that someone as self-absorbed as Tayna was now married and settled down to a guy I wagered was a complete douche while introspective and intelligent people like Bell and I seemed to be on the fast track to dying alone.

Taking my mind off Bella, I ordered a pizza, grabbed a beer out of the fridge and sat down to begin work on some basic sketches for my sister's site. Usually, I didn't do work over beer and pizza, but I needed a least a slight buzz to integrate patterns from _Gone with the Wind _dresses into a website devoted to my sister marrying a guy who possibly knew at least one recipe containing squirrel or possum. I stayed up until about midnight working on an early draft of Alice's web site, hoping she would realize that I didn't have all the time in the world to focus on her site. I knew Alice would want something over the top, but she would need to understand that there were even limitations to over the top.

After drinking two beers and spending three hours on preliminary design for my sister's wedding website, I was pretty much ready to hang myself. As much as I love my sister, I was seriously contemplating taking Jasper aside and making sure he was fully aware of what spending the rest of the life with my sister would entail. It was just part of guy code, I guess. I mean, I wasn't best buds with the guy, but I would still try to stop him from jumping into an active volcano or something. The twenty-four years since Alice's birth had pretty much desensitized me to her, but she had Jasper had only been together two years. I wondered if being a not-so-closet Confederate gave him thicker skin than the average guy. I had to admit that of all the guys Alice had brought home, Jasper seemed the most likely to be able to deal with her hyper-activity, shopaholic tendencies, demanding nature and the entitlement complex she seemed to have gotten from being the baby of the family.

I went to sleep, woke up earlier than I really wanted to the next morning, and went in to grab some breakfast. After polishing off the last of the milk and the final three Poptarts in the box, I realized I would have to hit up the grocery store to replenish my food. I grabbed a pair of worn sweats, a t-shirt and a jacket before searching aimlessly for my keys. I didn't bother to make out a list, instead trudging down to my car and heading toward the Safeway a few blocks up. There were other grocery stores in the area, but the Safeway was cheap and its cashiers didn't judge me for the copious amounts of soda and beer I purchased.

After a few minutes in the store, I had my cart loaded up with the proverbial junk that sits in the fridge and in the pantry of the typical bachelor bad. There was beer, nacho chips, cheese dip, a ton of microwaveable Hungry Man dinners, and several of those easy oven-bake mozzarella sticks, pizza bites, and loaded baked potato bites. I figured I should have some bread and milk, too, since I was out, and maybe one of those pre-made salad kits so I didn't get lectured about my health by my mother, sister or father if they made a random stop by. You would think your dad would be the one who understood why it was fun to eat junk food in your twenties, but not my father the doctor. However, he wasn't so bad as my mother or Alice, who had been known to sneak into my apartment and throwaway food they felt was bad for me, replacing it with healthy, "organic" alternatives.

I turned the corner into the fresh fruit and vegetable section of the store, only to nearly send my shopping cart straight into a carefully stacked pyramid of apples. Of course, I wouldn't have lost control of my cart had I not rounded the corner to see none other than Bella Swan feeling up cucumbers only a matter of feet away. We were the only two people in the produce section of the Safeway at roughly eight on a Saturday morning, so I could understand why she might feel safe squeezing and smelling cucumbers. Even if it was just to pick out the right vegetable, it was awkwardly alluring. I mean, it's not often you run into a woman pawing at vegetables in such an unintentionally sensual way.

To tell the truth, it sort of seemed like the opening scene of one of those really cheap pornos your friend smuggles to you when you're thirteen. You know the one's I'm talking about: hot girl in a tight top and short shorts sensually feeling up the vegetables in the supermarket only to be perved on by the beefy stockboy who mysteriously is wearing a smock but no shirt to cover his bulging muscles. They end up sneaking into the backroom and do it on a stack of Capt'n Crunch or Wheaties or canned tuna. Of course, in this scenario, it was me in sweatpants and dirty t-shirt and Bella in an old college hoodie and loose-fitting yoga pants. Finally selecting the right one, she put it in her basket, only to turn around and flush bright read upon noticing me.

"I...uh…" I began.

"I was testing them for freshness!" Bella squeaked hurriedly. "Rose and I like tossed salads!" I really tried to quell my thoughts, which were wandering to the not-so-innocent definition of "tossed salad."

"What are you doing at my Safeway?" I asked her bluntly.

"Your Safeway? This Safeway is like a block from my apartment," Bella snorted. "I usually just walk…"

"I shop at this Safeway," I replied, childishly. "I mean, it's a short drive and cheap, and…"

"Well, I shop here too, and I think the Safeway is big enough for the two of us," Bella rolled her eyes. She started to embarrassedly find her way out of the produce section.

"Wait!" I called after her. Bella slowly turned around to face me, still pretty embarrassed from my voyeurism into her vegetable testing. "Uh… my parents got back together."

"That's good," Bella smiled. "So, I guess you won't need to borrow the _Parent Trap_ after all?"

"Well, uh, they kind of want to have you over for dinner… thank you…" I stammered out.

"Thank me?" Bella said, confused.

"If Dad hadn't agreed to meet you there that night, he would have never seen mom there and… I don't know. My folks are big believers in kismet," I shrugged. "I guess they just want to thank you for putting both of them in the right place at the right time."

"Okay," Bella agreed.

I balked for a moment. I really hadn't expected Bella to agree to the whole plan that quickly. After all, she had basically seen my family at their worst during the fifteen minutes she had first met them. I personally wouldn't want to get any more involved with those crazy Cullens if I was Bella. She hadn't even met Alice and Jasper yet. My parents were easy enough to put up with when Dad wasn't going all caveman and Mom wasn't swooning over him, but I wasn't sure how Bella would react at my slightly psycho pixie sister and her Southern cowboy secret fiancé. I mean, I'm family with these people and I already spend half my week trying to think of excuses to get out of spending time with them.

"So, when do they want me to come over?" Bella asked.

"Um… I actually don't know. They never set a date or time or anything," I frowned. "Here… give me your phone." She looked at me skeptically, but Bella fished the phone out of her purse and handed it to me. I quickly plugged in my phone number and then sent a text to myself with it. "I'll call my mom and see if I can get some times or something for you. You can tell me what will work best."

"Alright," Bella nodded.

"I know this is super awkward but my parents… I don't know. It's important to them," I shrugged.

"Well… I guess I'll see you next week?" Bella said. I nodded, wondering if she was really just looking for a way to get away from me.

"Yeah," I replied. Bella maneuvered out of the produce section, and I was left with the strange sensation that I had again forgotten to do something important.

Shrugging the feeling off, I turned around to find two old ladies, at least in their eighties, feeling up the cucumbers, whispering and giggling to each other. After catching the phrase "This one reminds me of Morty," I was ready to toss a salad of my own and headed straight through to the check out.

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><p><strong>AN: If you have not been "enlightened" into what a "tossed salad" is, I implore you DO NOT GOOGLE IT. I curse male friends and Urban Dictionary online.**


	11. Chapter 11

**BPOV**

"So, what? He caught you perving on the cucumbers," Rose snorted.

I made the mistake of relaying my painful Safeway encounter with Edward while Emmett was over to watch a baseball-basketball-hockey-professional underwater badmittion game or something on our big screen TV. Rose had bought a huge flat screen after the divorce from Royce because she could. Rose often boasted that her "flat screen brings all the boys to the yard," and it is extremely true in Emmett's case. He still has a hand-me-down TV from his parents and our HD flat screen automatically ensures he is over whenever there is anything he wants to watch.

"Naughty Bella," Emmett snorted. "Feeling up all those cucumbers and then leaving them high and dry."

"And then I freaked out and told him that we like tossed salads," I muttered.

"Boy, do you girls like your salads tossed," Emmett snickered. Rose picked up a magazine and whapped him over the head with it.

In college, Rose and I had taken a health and nutrition class on a lark and as part of our semester project had done a thirty-day salad diet. We had eaten nothing but salads for lunch and dinner, and learned quite a few varieties and recipes for some pretty awesome salads. Unfortunately, Emmett's vulgar mind thought about something completely different when Rose and I referred to our "salad tossing days back in college." Rose eventually drug the secret guy meaning of "tossed salads" out of Emmett and then refused to speak to him for a week. I decided not to tell Rose that Edward seemed to understand the secret meaning behind "tossed salads" as well.

"Okay, well, then what happened?" Rose asked.

"I tried to leave the area with as much dignity remaining as possible and then he insinuated that the Safeway belonged to him or something," I snorted.

"He was probably just caught off guard seeing you there," Rose shrugged.

"Yeah," Emmett shivered. "Whenever I go to the grocery store that early on a Saturday, it's usually over run with creepy old ladies who ask me to get sausage and stuff for them off the top shelf. I mean, they're really sweet about it, but sometimes I get the feeling that they're looking at me or something…It makes me feel dirty…"

"Then he invited me to dinner with his parents," I summed up.

"Wait… you're meeting his parents already? But you guys haven't even gone out on a date or anything," Emmett said.

"As I was saying to Rose," I continued. "His parents apparently think I played some role in them getting back together, and they want to thank me over dinner."

"Nice meal at a rich doctor's house? I'm in," Emmett said.

"I think they meant just Bella," Rose snorted. "You should go. I mean, they probably feel bad for putting you in such an awkward place, and it would be some nice closure on the whole weird thing. That way, you and Edward can get back to working on this project without a big elephant in the room."

"I guess," I sighed.

"Or he's _madly in love _with you," Emmett offered.

"I doubt that," I snorted. "He hated my guts only last week."

"Yeah, but that's when he couldn't like you because you were the hot chick luring his father away from his mother," Emmett pointed out. "Know you're the hot unattainable co-worker. And seriously, what dude hasn't had a hot, bend her over the copy machine fantasy at work?"

"Have you had a hot bending a chick over a copy machine fantasy at work?" Rose asked him pointedly.

"Rosie, I work with very big, very sweaty two-hundred-and-fifty-pound men," Emmett snorted. "I mean I could understand if one of them had a secret crush on me or something, because I am pretty tasty if I do say so myself, but the Seahawks personal gym is not exactly the place I want to be sporting a boner."

"You know, he still hasn't taken me by the gym when they're actually training," Rose informed me.

"Yeah, because I really want to see my girlfriend drooling over a bunch of big, sweaty guys," Emmett snorted.

"It'd be like a beefcake sale," Rose swooned.

"This is exactly why I'm not taking you there," Emmett snorted. "Besides, they fart and belch and spit and cuss and shit. I don't think you'd want to see that."

"As entertaining as the thought of half-naked football players pumping iron is, it still doesn't solve my Edward quandary," I pointed out to them.

"So now he's a quandary?" Emmett said, with raised eyebrows.

"Do you have to make _every _word sound like a double entendre?" I snorted.

"It's a gift," Emmett shrugged.

"So, he asked you to meet the folks again on friendlier terms," Rose shrugged. "I don't see a problem with getting a free meal out of the rich doctor. He owes you one since your date didn't work out. And I think it's nice they are crediting you with putting them on the right track. I mean, look at it this way: your date wasn't a complete dud or embarrassment because it helped bring two people who love each other together. And isn't that what the aim of a date is? So what if it didn't bring you together with your soulmate or something. Look on the bright side. Maybe Dr. Cullen knows some hot young doctors looking for a girlfriend."

"I guess," I shrugged.

Rose made Emmett put the groceries away for us because of his "tossed salad" comments, while I retreated back to my room to get to work on the magazine assignment Irina had granted me. Between Rose's and my collective Facebook friends, we had found a couple of women our age willing to detail their online dating experience. One of Rose's friends was a fellow law student who was also giving me a story about how hard she found it being lesbian attempting to find love online when a lot of sites are religiously-based or anti-LGBT and do not have options for "woman seeking woman," which I thought was interesting. I had even convinced one of Rose's mom's friends to talk about her "Gold Standard" experience. I thought it would be interesting for the article to include what it was like for the AARP-set to not only be jumping back into the dating game after being widowed or divorced but doing so through the unfamiliar medium of the Internet.

Things were going well since the story wasn't due for almost two months. I had already set up two interviews and was working for a time to do a third. So far, I had a mix of age groups and sexual orientations, but I really wanted to see if I could get maybe a mother or a divorcee, someone who was sort of middle-aged and hoping that the second time would be the charm. I was also reaching out to several officials with these websites, hoping I could talk to one of them about why online dating has caught on and how it is progressed since the days of "You've Got Mail" and anonymous penpals met in chatrooms and message boards.

I was heavily into my background research when my phone buzzed beside me. I picked it up, wondering who would be calling on a Saturday afternoon only to see the name E. Cullen pop up on my screen. I scrunched my nose, seeing I had gotten a voicemail rather than the text message with driving directions and a date and time for the family dinner Edward had promised. With a sigh, I punched in to listen to the message Edward had left and tried not to laugh at how awkward he sounded.

"Hey, Bella… This is Edward…uh… you know… Edward Cullen? Anyway it's me and…shit…oh, shit, sorry… I wasn't watching where I was going and stubbed my toe on the coffee table…uh…anyway… I need to talk to you about dinner with my folks… I mean, your dinner with my folks… I mean the thank you dinner… you know… so call me… sometime… Okay. Bye. Goodbye."

I had to admit the message made me feel a little better. It really seemed like the kind of message I would leave on someone's phone, stubbing my toe because I wasn't paying attention to where I was going included. It was also nice to see that Edward "the Adonis" Cullen was a real person who got nervous and said dumb things and wasn't one hundred percent perfect. I had enough of guys who thought they were perfect or God's gift to women. I needed someone with faults, someone who was human enough to admit they had flaws.

Where did that come from, Bella?

I shook the nagging thoughts out of my head and then picked up the phone, calling Edward back. The phone rang three times, making me wonder if Edward and I were going to get caught in one of those awkward games of phone tag. Midway through the fourth ring, he picked up and then promptly dropped the phone. I heard a very loud "shit" in the background and then nervous fumbling as he brought the phone back up to his ear.

"I've already told you Alice, five emails a day and five phone calls a day," he said, annoyed. "You may be my sister, but I will block your phone number if I get one more wedding-related…"

"I'm glad I'm not your sister," I snorted.

"Shit, Bella. Sorry," Edward said.

"I'm guessing your sister has gone Bridezilla?" I snorted.

"My sister has been a Bridezilla since she was four," Edward replied. "They asked her to be the flower girl at a cousin's wedding and she sort of took over. It was probably the first and only time a four-year-old flower girl took a photographer and the caterers to task for not doing their job right."

"Well, sorry," I replied. "Anyway… you said you had something to tell me about the dinner…?"

"Yeah, well, I talked to my mom and she was wondering if you could come tomorrow night," Edward replied, "but I mean, I know that's really short notice. I tried to tell her that. I mean, I'm sure you probably already have weekend plans or something… I can tell her to reschedule, so don't feel obligated to cancel your plans or anything…"

"Actually, I don't have any plans tomorrow," I admitted.

"Really? I mean, that's great," Edward said sounding surprised. "But you still don't have to go tomorrow night if you don't want to..."

"It would be fine," I replied. "What time?"

"We usually start at seven," Edward said. "My parents live out on Bainbridge so… I can send you directions or something…"

"I'd probably call a cab," I admitted.

"Do you own a car?" Edward said.

"No… my truck died a year ago and I haven't had the heart to replace it," I replied. "Rose has one, but I only use it when I drive out to see my dad. I usually walk or take a cab or the bus or something…"

"The bus?" Edward said incredulously. "Do you know how many creepers are on the bus?"

"Usually, I just take something to read and don't pay that much attention…" I began.

"I'll pick you up," Edward informed me. "I mean, if you live near the Safeway then you aren't out of my way or anything really."

"Glad I'm not an inconvenience," I snorted.

"I didn't mean to make it sound like that," Edward said, awkwardly. "But seriously, the bus?"

"Public transit is good for the environment," I pointed out.

"Yeah, but getting stabbed by a hobo isn't good for you," Edward said.

"I can promise you that I've never been stabbed by a hobo on the bus before," I said.

"I'm still picking you up," Edward said.

"You'll need directions," I replied.

"I think I can find the place after I dropped you off before…" Edward said.

"Okay, fine," I sighed. "but I'm still going to send you directions."

"I'll pick you up about six," Edward nodded.

"Okay, see you then," I nodded.

"Okay," Edward agreed.

"Well, uh, goodbye," I said.

"Yeah," Edward said. "Goodbye."

I hung up and was a little glad the weird phone call was over. I was starting to think Edward's interaction with computers had limited his ability to normally interact with humans. I was starting to think that awkwardness just ran in the Cullen family and then started to wonder if awkwardness was, in fact, a genetic trait. My dad, Charlie, is a pretty awkward guy himself more in the weird, silent way rather than my personal tripping in thin air and uncontrollable word vomit problem. My mother was kind of awkward in that I'm-completely-embarrassing-but-don't-realize-it kind of way. Of course, Edward's family were his and not mine, which made them infinitely easier for me to put up with. My only question now is what do you wear to a "thank you for inadvertently saving our marriage" dinner?

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><p><strong>AN: For those of you who didn't heed my previous "tossed salad" warning, your eyes and brain are burning now aren't they? Sorry for the lateness of this update. I'm usually earlier.**


	12. Chapter 12

**EPOV**

I couldn't believe anyone would ride the bus. No offense to the Seattle Transit System but their buses are complete hellholes. I had ridden one once in college after my car had died and I had no way of getting back to my apartment that night. I ended up getting mugged in the back of the bus for my laptop, iPod, and smart phone by a couple of thuggish guys while the bus driver kept coasting along, listening to music on his headphones. After that, I vowed never to take the bus again. Alice has insisted one bad bus experience shouldn't negate my entire stance on public transit, but getting mugged by two beefy dudes with butcher knives will probably turn you off anything.

Thankfully, Alice had reined in her wedding talk a little bit, but unfortunately her new obsession was Bella Swan. She had been covertly Facebook stalking her and kept telling me that our respective bone structures would "mesh well." She also wanted to know if Sunday night was too soon to ask Bella to be part of her wedding party, insisting that the two of them were going to best friends forever.

Mom had also called me three times to ask me what sort of desserts, wine and vegetable sides Bella preferred, as if the two of us had some sort of unspoken cosmic connection. I told her that Dad honestly knew more about Bella than I did, but Mom said he was still feeling awkward about the whole thing and didn't want to talk. Then Mom texted me a picture of Miss Priss dressed in a pink, doggie Seattle Seahawks jersey. The dog was looking up in at the camera with a pitiful expression, as if petitioning the receiver of the photo to rescue it from pink pampered doggie hell. I was starting to grow concerned that Bella would spend five minutes in my parents' house before running away screaming. Actually, I really wouldn't blame her for doing so.

I showed up to Bella's apartment complex a little earlier than I had intended, feeling nervous for some reason. I guess I wanted her to like my family based on the fact that they were mine, even if I didn't like them myself a lot of the time. I caught sight of Bella in the lobby and grabbed my umbrella, getting out of the car to open the door for her. Bella came out through the Seattle downpour in a purple raincoat and thanked me for opening the door. After getting back in, I caught site of the professional but still formfitting black dress she had on. I tried not to sneak a peek as she adjusted her shirts to more fully cover her legs and then sped off into the street. As Bella crossed her legs in a most likely unintentionally sensual manner, I suddenly released I would be in the car with this woman for an hour.

"So…uh… did you have a good weekend?" I asked lamely.

"It was okay," Bella shrugged. "Worked on an assignment for the magazine… Emmett hogged our TV watching his sports… usual stuff."

"Is that okay with you? I mean, Rose having her boyfriend over all the time?" I asked curiously.

"Emmett's a big teddy bear," Bella shrugged. "He's sort of like that overbearing older brother I never knew I wanted. Besides, he fixes our leaky faucets, opens jars, changes light bulbs for us… you know, guy stuff…"

"Maintenance on Rose's car?" I nodded.

"Oh, hell no," Bella shook her head. "Rose doesn't let anyone mess with her car. Her dad is a mechanic and she knows the ins and outs of any vehicle like the back of her hand. She doesn't trust anyone else. In fact, I'm pretty sure she changes the oil on Emmett's car."

"That's cool," I said. There was a long awkward pause.

"Am I overdressed?" Bella asked nervously.

"Huh?" I said.

"It's just… you're wearing jeans and a t-shirt with Pac-Man on it," Bella said. "And I'm wearing a dress."

"To be fair, these people are my family," I pointed out. "My parents both saw me in diapers and Alice and I took baths together when we were really small, so I really have no need to impress them. Or care if they like me. And Pac-Man rules."

"Ms. Pac-Man could so kick Pac-Man's ass," Bella shot back.

"She is one pretty hot babe," I admitted. "I think I had a crush on her when I was six."

"You're joking," Bella laughed.

"It does seem weird now," I replied. "Of course, she's a chick who spends all her time gobbling up balls without ever smudging her lipstick. Kind of seems like the type of girl a lot of men would want."

"I never thought about it that way," Bella grimaced. "And I used to think Ms. Pac-Man was so empowering!"

"Hey, she had her own video game in a male-dominated video game world," I pointed out. "Had her own ghosts and everything. I think she led the way for a lot of female video game characters and female video gamers."

"I agree," Bella nodded.

The last thing I expected Bella Swan to be knowledgeable about was video games, but it turns out her best friend growing up Angela, and her boyfriend Ben, were pretty much devoted to gaming. We spent the next forty-five minutes talking about our Gameboys growing up (Bella had a GameGirl), how awesome Ocarina of Time is, and Bella even did her impersonation of Emmett when he loses at Mario Kart. Honestly, Bella was not the type of person I would expect to know much about video games or computers or really anything I was interested in. Of course, it was rare that I met a girl who was interested in the things I was. I always figured most gamer girls were too busy playing or waiting in lines for whatever midnight release for me to meet them.

"So, tell me about your family a little," Bella said. "I mean, I know a little about your Dad, but I sort of want to know something about them before I meet them."

"First off, they're all insane," I explained to her. "So don't take anything they do seriously and be prepared to be completely freaked out…"

"You're not making things easier on me," Bella pointed out. "I'm already pretty nervous about seeing your parents again after the last time…"

"Sorry," I said, "but I feel compelled to warn anyone and everyone before they meet them." I looked over at Bella and realized that making her eve more nervous probably wasn't the best game plan. "Well, you already know a little bit about my dad, right?"

"I know he's a doctor… and your dad," Bella replied.

"He's just a doctor. He's the chief of surgery at Virginia Mason," I said. "He's getting close to retirement, but I seriously think they will have to drag him out of the place kicking and screaming to get him to quit his job. He really loves it."

"And your mother?" Bella asked curiously.

"She's an interior designer," I replied. "Pretty successful. Runs her own firm and everything on Bainbridge. She actually did your boss's summer cottage in Alaska… Of course, she was a stay-at-home mom until Alice and I were in school and she just started doing the design thing as a hobby. It sort of became her career as we got older. I guess it's been good for her."

"And your sister is getting married," Bella continued.

"Yeah, but my folks don't know about it, so don't say anything," I explained. "Alice is waiting for the right time to tell them she's getting hitched to a guy who dresses up in a Confederate uniform on the weekends. I'm not sure if there is a good time to break news like that to my parents, but I'm hoping she can hold off a little while longer."

"Do your parents not like him?" Bella asked curiously.

"Then think he's okay, but I don't know if he's the guy they envision Alice with," I shrugged. "She is their baby girl and they have pretty high standards for anyone she brings home. I mean Jasper is an okay guy. A little weird, but he's not an axe murderer or anything. Alice is very determined to get what she wants, and I can see high drama if my parents are against them being together."

"So, she must really like him if she's willing to break ties with your parents for him," Bella said.

"I don't know about breaking ties, but she is nervous about whether or not they will like him," I shrugged. "He's not the type of guy I thought she would settle down with. That's for sure."

"What do you mean?" Bella asked.

"They're polar opposites," I said. "Alice is hyper and anal retentive while Jasper is very laid back, one of those let the chips fall where they may kind of people. Jasper is very conservative and old-fashioned when it comes to things like living together and politics and stuff. Alice is very modern and very liberal in her beliefs. Jasper watches NASCAR and Alice pays hundreds of dollars to do her nails and shopping for designer labels. Jasper says things like 'If a cat had kittens in the oven we wouldn't call 'em biscuits' while Alice is fluent in French. I mean… they seem like some sort of rom-com set up."

"They say opposites attract," Bella shrugged. "And if they want to get married… Well, everything you mentioned is on the surface. If they want to get married, they probably connect on a much deeper level than one of them enjoying stock car racing and the other one like perfect nails. Besides, the two are mutually exclusive. What should be important to you and your family is that they're going to take care of each, support each other and love each other. I'm sure your parents don't agree on everything. I mean, yeah, my parents' marriage didn't work out, but I don't think it's because they were different from each other. I think it's because my mother didn't care enough to put in the effort and make things work."

"How different are they?" I asked her.

"They met their freshman year of high school when my dad – who was a hall monitor – busted my mom and her friends for smoking pot on school grounds. He didn't turn them in because my mom agreed to go out with him," Bella explained. "He's a straight-laced small town cop and she's sort of a weird Stevie Nicks, hippie type with a thing for younger men and never staying in one place for too long. They did love each other at one point, but I guess my mom was too self-involved to make things work with anyone. She's been married for two years know, which is a record in relationships for Renee."

"And your dad?" I prompted.

"He's been dating the same woman for six years, but they're waiting for her son to graduate high school before they move in together or get married or whatever," Bella shrugged. "I think Dad always wanted that secure, committed relationship. He just fell in love with the wrong woman the first time."

I pulled in to my parents' driveway to find that everyone else had already arrived. My parents, of course, were there because it was their house but I had a feeling ever-late Alice had shown up early to get a glimpse of Bella. I put the cark in park and then turned to Bella, who was admiring the Victorian style home and lavish front gardens my mother had spent years perfecting.

"Well, last chance to fake sick. Once we get out of this car, there is no going back," I warned her.

"Let's go," Bella said, unbuckling her seatbelt.

"Are you sure? There are some things you could see in there tonight they may scar you for the rest of your life… things that cannot be unseen or forgotten… things that might require you to sign a liability waiver or send you into the witness protection program," I said.

"My dad is a cop. I think I can handle your family," Bella snorted. She got up out of the car and I sighed, following her up the front walk. I rang the doorbell and took a deep breath. There was no turning back now.

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><p><strong>AN: "If a cat had kitten in the oven we wouldn't call 'em biscuits" is my second favorite Southern colloquialism of all time. The first is "She's so bucktooth she could eat an apple through a picket fence, bless her heart." Because, you know, adding bless their heart doesn't make it an insult.**


	13. Chapter 13

**BPOV**

I wasn't really concerned about meeting the Cullens again, even if Edward looked like he was giving himself a mental pep speech after ringing the doorbell. He had said everything he could to try and convince me not to meet with them after asking me to meet with them, making me wonder if he secretly wonder if he didn't want his family around me or if didn't want me around his family. We were only on the porch a matter of seconds before the door swung open and I was pushed over on to Edward by some unknown force. I found myself enveloped in the arms of a pixish woman with short, spiky hair that had been dyed black while Edward was leaning up against a column on the porch, rolling his eyes. Still in the foyer of the house was a scruffy looking, tall and lanky man with wild blonde hair.

"Hi!" the girl who had tackled me said exuberantly. She was actually jumping up and down on the porch as she held on to my arms. "My name is Alice. I'm Edward's sister. It's great to meet you! I just know we are going to be very best friends forever. Do you mind if I call you Bella? It's great that you're here, Bella! We've all been dying to meet you, but Edward's been hiding you for weeks! Haven't you Edward?" Everything she said came out as if in one breath and my head was spinning just listening to her. Edward was glaring at his sister while the tall man – whom I assumed was her secret fiancé Jasper – just chuckled.

"Come on, darlin'," Jasper said to her sweetly, gently pulling Alice off of me. "You've stunned the poor girl. Give her a second to recover." He then extended a hand to me. "Howdy, ma'am. My name's Jasper Whitlock." I took a deep breath, which helped in the recovery of my mental facilities.

"Bella Swan," I said, shaking his hand.

"Why didn't you bring her over sooner?" Alice said to Edward with a puppy dog pout.

"Because I was concerned you might physically assault her on the front porch?" Edward snorted.

"Boo, you're not fun," Alice pouted.

"I think we should all get inside," Jasper drawled. "It's startin' to get a little chilly outside."

After being corralled into the sitting room, I found myself face-to-face with Esme Cullen. It was the first time I had seen her since my unfortunate date with her husband and, to tell the truth, I was more nervous about re-meeting Esme than I was re-meeting Carlisle. I mean, I would probably cut a bitch if I found out she had gone on a date with my husband, even if I had been on a date myself and we were technically separated. However, Esme Cullen was the epitome of grace and poise. Like a ballerina, she waltzed over to me and enveloped me a deep hug, as if I were some sort of prodigal daughter returned.

"Oh, it's so good to see you, Bella! I'm so happy to have you in our home!" Esme cooed, giving me a tight squeeze. I was still a little nervous, wondering if this was all part of some ploy to lure me into a false sense of security and then smother me to death or something.

"I'm glad to be here," I said quietly, giving her a light squeeze back. She pulled back and looked me over with a satisfied smile.

"We were so glad when Edward said he could track you down," Esme informed me. "I'm so sorry about what happened the other night. I just wanted to make things up to you. I mean, if you hadn't brought Carlisle to that restaurant that night, I might have never realized how special he is and how important he is to me. I don't know why I ever thought there was something missing from our marriage. Oh, but I am glad you're here!" I looked down and found a rather angry look mop of fur glaring up at me. Esme grinned and picked up the fluffy thing, presenting her too me. "This is Miss Priss. Isn't she adorable?"

"Very cute," I muttered. I gave the dog a few slight pets on the top of her head but withdrew my fingers before she decided to bite them.

"She's just the sweetest thing in the world!" Esme cooed over the dog.

"She bit me last week," Edward called from behind us.

"Well, if you hadn't been teasing her…" Esme began.

"I wasn't teasing her! I was reaching for the remote. And she drew blood!" Edward said accusingly.

"This sweet little thing?" Esme said, ruffling the dog. The dog licked her face. "Let me go get your father and tell him Bella has arrived!"

"What's with the dog?" I asked when Esme was out of earshot.

"Part of the whole getting them back together deal," Edward groaned. "Mom was feeling neglected and was suffering from empty nest syndrome. Dad bought her a dog to keep her company at home during the day and is promising to be more romantic. The dog is pretty much Satan and hates everyone but Mom. And Dad being romantic… I mean, it's good he and mom are together again, but it's kind of gross."

"Tell me about it," Alice chipped in. "When Jasper and I arrived, I let myself in the backdoor and they were kissing in the kitchen. With tongue. Sickening. And Jasper thought it was cute."

"You said 'cute'?" Edward asked him. Jasper rolled his eyes.

"No, I told Alice that your parents were lucky that they have so much passion for each in their golden years," Jasper harrumphed. "And I hope that we'll be just as lucky too."

"Aw, you're so sweet," Alice cooed over them.

"If I start to gag on my own tongue, let me die," Edward whispered to me.

"Sure. Give me your car keys so I can get home," I smirked. Edward looked affronted as his parents came back into the room. His mother was, thankfully, free of the dog.

"Bella, it's good to see you again," Carlisle said, his arm wrapped tightly and lovingly around his wife. "I'm glad you came tonight."

"Thank you for inviting me," I said, "though I'm not exactly sure why…I mean, we didn't meet under the best circumstances…"

"On the contrary," Carlisle shook his head, "that outing made me realize I had to fight for the love of my life and I'm certainly glad I did. Besides, I do owe you a nice meal and there is no better cook in the world than my gorgeous wife."

"Oh, Carlisle," Esme rolled her eyes. Carlisle gave her a pinch on the butt and she blushed then giggled even more. Edward looked like he was going to puke. Alice was too busy whispering to Jasper to notice.

"Do you guys have to…" Edward began.

"Oh, Edward. Don't be such a prude," Esme snorted.

"Son, I hope when you're my age you'll be lucky enough to be married to a fox like your mother," Carlisle informed him sternly. Esme giggled and Edward really did look ready to choke himself to death.

"Well, Miss Priss is down for the night and I have to go check on the roast," Esme smiled. "I'll be back in a jiff."

"Dad, seriously," Edward grimaced. "I know you and mom love each other, but… ick…"

"Alright, we'll tone it down, but only because Bella is here and we don't want to make our guest uncomfortable," Carlisle said.

"Dad," Edward glared.

"You kids have fun," Carlisle said with a wiggle of his eyebrows. "Now, I think your mother might need a hand with some basting…"

"Dad!" Edward called after him, but Carlisle was already heading back into the kitchen. When he was gone, Edward looked at me apologetically. "I'm sorry. They're usually not this bad. I almost wish they were like they were before, but considering they hardly spoke… well…"

"It really has made a difference," Alice piped up. "I don't know what happened that night, but I really thank you Bella for whatever you did that put that spark back in their eyes. Edward's always been a prude about our parents showing affection, and I must admit I'm only slightly more tolerant than he is, but it's nice to see them fawning over each other again. I was really worried they weren't going to work things out."

"Whatever happened to Miss 'Trust me Edward, I have a feeling things will work out'?" Edward scoffed. Alice stuck her tongue out at him.

"So, who wants to crack open the booze?" Jasper interjected. I was glad for his much needed segue.

Moments later, we were all sitting in the drawing room with a drink in hand. Edward and his father had opted for scotch, Jasper for a can of Bud and Alice, Esme and I were sampling a fruity cocktail creation Esme had found in one of her magazines. I soon gathered it was Cullen family tradition to discuss their week during pre-dinner drinks. Carlisle talked about his work at the hospital, Esme discussed all the new friends she and Miss Priss had met at the local dog park, and Edward glossed over his week, leaving out a lot about _Femme_. I was passed over since I wasn't family and they didn't want to pressure me. Jasper ranted a little about some of the terribly written mid-term papers he had received, including one written in 18-point Comic Sans font, one that referred to Robert E. Lee as General Robertilee, and another student who had simply written "The End" instead of writing a conclusion paragraph. Alice was practically balanced by the time that the conversation rolled around to her. I could see that Edward was sending her warning glares for some reason, but she didn't calm down.

"So, Alice, what's been going on with you?" Esme asked eagerly.

"I have a really big announcement," Alice said.

"Alice," Edward cautioned, "we talked about this…"

"Well, actually Jasper and I have a really big announcement," Alice corrected, taking Jasper's hand in her own. Jasper looked at her lovingly, and Edward looked like he was ready to hurl himself off of a cliff to avoid the impending situation.

"And what is that, dear?" Esme asked.

"We're getting married," Alice squealed a tone so high I was surprised it didn't break her martini glass.

"Oh, wonderful!" Esme said, reaching over to hug Alice.

"Congratulations," Carlisle said, extending his hand for Jasper to shake. However, Alice didn't look very thrilled by this reaction.

"Why aren't you two excited?" Alice asked, a little annoyed.

"What do you mean, sweetheart? Your father and I are thrilled!" Esme insisted.

"Yes, your mother and I are very happy for the both of you," Carlisle agreed. "We've actually been waiting for the two of you to make this decision or a while…" Alice's face went from annoyance to anger.

"You mean the two of you _knew_?" Alice said, horrified. She turned to Edward angrily. "Did you tell them?"

"No!" Edward said.

"Alice, calm down sugarplum," Jasper calmed her. "Your parents had their suspicions because I came to ask them for their blessing before I asked you to marry me."

"What you needed them to say it was okay?" Alice asked angrily.

"I said their _blessing_ not their permission," Jasper shrugged. "When I was getting ready to ask you, I realized it just wouldn't feel right for me to ask you to marry me if I didn't have their approval. I mean, you're their little girl. I know that if we ever had a daughter I wouldn't want just any fella coming along and runnin' off with her. I'd want to know a little bit more about him, make sure he was worthy of her. And as I was thinking about how it would be totally unfair for me to expect that if some guy if I didn't do so myself."

"Aw, Jazz, you're so sweet!" Alice cooed.

Carlisle and Esme were holding hands and smiling at each other as the result of Alice and Jasper's own affection. I looked over at Edward who looked like he may have just had an aneurism because of all the love I the air. I waved my hand in front of his face, and it took a few minutes before he regained consciousness. Esme began talking to Alice about her wedding plans while Carlisle was giving Jasper some advice on how to deal with Alice at the height of her wedding planning frenzy.

"I asked her not to do that tonight," Edward grimaced, talking more to himself than to me.

"She probably couldn't hold it in anymore. I mean, she looked like she was about to bust open on the sofa," I shrugged.

"I guess," Edward said. "Thought that would have been funny. I always had a theory that if Alice ever were to bust open like a piñata a whole bunch of glitter and confetti and sparkles would probably pop out."

"Well, shouldn't we all move into the dining room?" Esme suggested. Between the good smells coming from the kitchen and the leftover thickness of the previous drama in the room, I was very happy about her suggestion.

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><p><strong>AN: So, I get no emails from FF for like two days and then I open my inbox this morning and there's like forty. Weird.**


	14. Chapter 14

**For the record, I seriously tried to upload this early Wednesday, but for some reason it wasn't showing up.**

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><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

When my mother asked us to all head into the dining room for supper, I was a little surprised Bella didn't take it as an opportunity to bolt from the premises. Honestly, I sort of wanted to turn and run the other way after the first thirty minutes with my family. The Cullens had really outdone themselves and the night was nowhere near over. In the first half-hour, my parents had already made open sexual advances on each other in front of a near stranger, Mom's new dog had given me that beady-eyed "I'm watching you punk" glare, and Alice had sprung her wedding drama on all of us, nearly leading to a fight between her and our parents and then a fight between her and Jasper.

The last time I had actually brought anyone home to meet my family was when I was dating Tanya, which was a memory I didn't exactly want to relive. Tanya herself had just doubled the normal amount of insanity and drama my family usually came with. On the other hand, Bella was doing a pretty good job of not only putting up with my family, but she actually seemed to be enjoying her time with them. Even though how she met us had been pretty much unconventional Bella was easily rolling with the punches. I had to respect that since it had taken me twenty-seven years to develop the skills necessary to put up with some of the craziness being a Cullen included.

Mom directed Bella to sit next to me and across from Jasper at the dining room table. Typically, mom sat on one end with Jasper next to her and an empty seat on the other side while Alice sat next to Jasper and on Dad's left. I was always on Dad's right. Bella managed to fill out the sixth chair in the dining room that had been vacant since my break up with Tanya. Over the years, the seat next to Alice had changed hands a few times before Jasper had taken up permanent residence there, but Tanya had really be the only girl who I had ever brought to dinner before. It was a little odd having Bella sit there since I was so used to having the vacant chair by my side. After accidently knocking into her a couple of times when I was reaching for salad dressing, I realized that I needed to rein in my elbows.

"Sorry," I muttered to her embarrassedly.

"It's okay," Bella said with a shrug.

She then turned back and started asking my mom a question about something or other. Apparently, both Bella and my mom were foodies, and the two of them launched into a conversation about Giada De Laurentiis I couldn't follow. Of course, the fact that they were getting along was a very good thing. Dad and Jasper were still trying to calm down Alice as she was still a little angry that everyone seemed to know about her engagement before she had a chance to reveal the news herself. I continued eating and, about halfway through the meal I realized that everyone was so busy talking to each other no one had said a single word to me. Bella was the first one to realize this while my parents, Alice and Jasper delved into wedding talk.

"Your parents seem pretty excited, so I guess that's a good thing?" Bella said to me quietly.

"I'd much rather have this than the alternative," I admitted.

"I guess the big obstacle now is if your family will get along with Jasper's," Bella said.

"No, the big obstacle now will be convincing Alice that she can't by an actual dress from the Civil War to wear at her wedding because they're all museum pieces. Not that it will stop her," I sighed. "I hope she gets her heart set on a reproduction, because I am seriously worried I might get a call in the middle of the night to bail her out of jail somewhere because she was trying to steal a dress that belonged to Mary Todd Lincoln or something…"

"They are probably about the same height," Bella mused.

"Don't give her any ideas," I shook my head. "Ever since she was little, Alice has had a hard time distinguishing fiction from reality. She was thirteen before Mom and Dad finally managed to convince her that fairy godmother's don't exist."

"To be a fly on the wall of that argument," Bella smirked.

"Oh, believe me, it wasn't fun," I shook my head. "After two weeks, my dad bought her a hamster so she would quit referring to him and mom as 'the Liars.' And that hamster smelled."

"It must be fun having siblings," Bella said.

"You don't have any?" I asked.

"No. Only child," Bella admitted. "Of course, my parents were basically living separate lives by the time I was born and divorced when I was really little. My dad is sort of married to his job and my mom never seemed to be with one guy long enough to have kids. Of course, she's married to this guy who's closer to my age now, but he doesn't seem to be interested in having kids. Not that I would recommend them doing so. My mom isn't like your mom. She isn't… motherly, I guess. I only saw her maybe once a year growing up whenever her schedule permitted…"

"Your mother only saw you 'when her schedule permitted'? What kind of crap is that?" I snorted. Bella smiled sadly and then changed the topic to my mother's kitchen prowess.

After the meal was finished and we were all stuffed beyond believe, Alice got the great idea we should entertain Bella by indulging in a good, old-fashioned family game of charades. Bella was okay with it and I went along since the cops probably would laugh at me if I called 911 to report my own family was holding me hostage in the guise of spending time together. It had been a while since we played charades, mainly because it had been a while since there were enough people over I wouldn't be the odd man out. I think Bella was excited about the game because she thought we were settling down for a nice family game of charades. What Bella didn't know is charades for the Cullen family is blood sport.

As usual, my parents kicked all of our asses. Mom was a theater major in college for two years before switching to business and interior design. It also doesn't hurt that she and dad are so in sync that it sometimes takes one roughly three seconds before they know what the other one is miming. I was surprised that Bella and I managed to narrowly come in second place, putting Alice and Jasper in third. Even stranger was that Alice didn't throw a hissy fit over coming in last, which was something she often did. If I didn't know any better, I'd even say Alice was throwing the game on purpose to give Bella and I something to brag about.

It was ten o'clock that night before I finally managed to convince my family that Bella needed to get home and get some rest before waking up to get to work early the next morning. After some long goodbyes, we managed to slip out the door. Of course, we were also loaded up with the leftovers my mother wanted me to have since she was convinced a man living on his own never ate. Bella managed to snag the last piece of cherry pie as well as a few of my mother's recipes to create on her own. The entire night went much better than I had expected, and I even found myself smiling on the ferry back to the mainland.

"Your family is sweet," Bella informed me.

"I'm glad you think so. They were on their best behavior tonight, I guess, even if Alice did blurt out her whole engagement thing," I sighed. "I wanted her to do it on a night where there was less stress, but I guess she sort of took the pressure off."

"I think she and Jasper will do great," Bella nodded. "I know they seem like polar opposites, but they've really got that something special. You can tell just by the way they look at each other."

"Jasper has been the only person that's ever been able to change Alice's mind about something," I mused. "And no one can calm her down from a conniption fit or hyper moment like he can."

"He takes good care of her," Bella mentioned.

"He better," I grimaced. Bella laughed. "What?"

"Nothing," Bella shook her head. "I just think it's nice that you get all protective about your little sister."

"She is the only one I've got," I shrugged. "Even though we fought almost constantly, we really were close as kids. And it's a little hard for me to think of her as grown up and married. I mean, up until now she would also call up me or my dad if she needed a shelf put up or someone to double check to make sure her mechanic told her right. Now that's Jasper's responsibility, I guess. And it's weird because she's always been Alice, but now they're going to be Alice-and-Jasper, you know like they're one person or something. Mom already talks about how Alice and Jasper are coming places or doing something, like they're conjoined or something."

"But she's happy with him," Bella pointed out.

"Which I guess is the most important thing," I sighed. "Anyway, thanks for doing this, Bella. I know it's weird to get invited over to a virtual stranger's house for a family dinner…"

"I had a lot of fun, I promise," Bella insisted. "Your family is great. I wouldn't mind hanging out with them again sometime."

"Glad you think so," I replied. "There were a few times I thought you were going go back home tonight and tell your roommate the horror story about the creepy Cullen family and how they all needed to be locked up or committed for public safety."

"Not that bad, I promise," Bella laughed. "Besides, your Dad doesn't greet all of your new friends and boyfriends by cleaning his gun collection in the living room. Sometimes I think Charlie is just sane enough they still let him keep his badge."

"Your dad sounds like a badass," I said off hand.

"He'd appreciate you saying that, but when it comes down to it, he's a slightly overweight guy with a handlebar mustache who likes to drink beer, eat deep fried food and watch Clint Eastwood movies on a Sunday," Bella shrugged. "I guess he's just a typical Dad."

"You said he was a small town cop?" I said.

"Actually, he's chief of police in a town called Forks," Bella winced.

"Forks? Seriously?" I said, trying not to laugh.

"Yeah, and believe me, whatever joke you're thinking of I've already heard of it," Bella grimaced.

"So, you and your Dad are pretty close?" I said.

"Practically raised me," Bella shrugged. "And, yeah, we still talk on the phone at least once I week and I try to go and see him whenever I kind. Of course, it's kind of hard growing up when your dad is the town's biggest lawman. Not a lot of people wanted to be friends with me in school because they were afraid whatever they were doing would get back to my dad."

"I kind of know what that's like," I admitted. "When I was sixteen, two of my friends in high school got drunk and crashed their car. They were brought in to the hospital where my dad works and he was paged down to the emergency room to help out with surgery on one of them… Dad was ready to take my keys away just for being friends with them. I took a lot of promising on my end and a lot of lectures and gory hospital stories on his end before he felt comfortable letting me drive. And for a few weeks after, he would check my eyes for signs of drug abuse or alcohol consumption when I came home from any of my friends' houses. I sort of made me mad that he didn't trust me, but I kind of get why it would freak him out. I mean, it scared me to be visiting friends of mine in the hospital. I can't imagine what it must be like operating on a kid when you've been on the PTO board with his parents before."

"Must have been fun to grow up here," I mentioned.

"Actually, we didn't," Edward said. "Dad was the chief of staff at a hospital in Alaska until we were in high school. My senior year and Alice's freshmen, he got the job here and we moved. I only lived in that house a year before going off the college. It never really felt like home for me. The house in Alaska was smaller and cozy. This one… well, it's my parents' style, but it was like the bought it and decorating it knowing Alice and I wouldn't be living there long."

"To be fair, they can't live their entire lives pining for you to move back home," Bella pointed out. "That would be unhealthy. And seriously, you wouldn't want to move back in with your parents…"

"Dear God, no," I shook my head. "I am so glad I never have to hear the phrase 'my house, my rules' ever again."

"My dad always said I had to obey the golden rule: whoever has the most gold rules, and I got all my money from him, ergo I had to do what he said," Bella said, pulling a face.

It seemed like only a matter of minutes between when I left my parents driveway and arrived in front of Bella's building. It was rather awkward just pulling up there. There weren't very many places to park and I had an urge to see her in to her building, even though I really had no reason to. We weren't exactly friends, but having a younger sister and the way my parents raised me made me instinctively want to park my car and see her in safely.

It only took a few seconds of mental debate before I launched my car into the five-minute drop-off parking spot in front of Bella's building, almost sending her into the windshield as she was unbuckling her seatbelt to get out of my car. I apologized and she waved me off before we both proceeded to get out of the car. Upon seeing I had exited the car as well, Bella looked at me strangely.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Walking you to your door," I shrugged.

"Why?" Bella asked.

"Because it's the right thing to do?" I said, more doubting myself than giving her an answer.

"This isn't exactly a crime riddled area," Bella pointed out.

"I don't see how that has anything to do with it," I shrugged.

"I've walked myself to my door plenty of times even later than this," Bella said. "I can handle myself walking like six feet."

"Can I do something nice without having my motives questions? I just want to see you inside," I said. Bella still eyed me, not seeming to believe what I was saying. "Look, when I get home tonight, the first thing I'm going to do is call my mom so she won't spend the entire night pacing, wondering if I made it home safely. And when I call her, the first thing she is going to ask me is if you got into your building okay. And if I tell her that I slowed my car to a roll and pushed you out then gunned it, she might kill me. Can I walk you to your door so I don't have to lie to my mother?"

"Alright. For Esme," Bella acquiesced. We walked next to each other but about a foot apart as we headed toward the door. Bella punched in her pass code and then turned to me. "Um…well…goodbye?"

I opened my mouth, my throat dry, and before I could think of anything appropriate to say, she slipped through the door into the lobby and out of sight. Without anything better to do than stand there like a stalker, I slumped back to my car. It was the last time I had walked a girl home since Tanya. In fact, I had been nice enough to walk Tanya to her door the night she broke up with me. I shook the thought out of my head. This night was completely different than that one, even if it did end with the same result. Once again, Edward Cullen was going home alone.

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><p><strong>AN: Honestly, I don't get what is humorous about a town names Forks. That seems logical, like a fork in a river or in a road. In Tennessee, we have towns called Defeated, Skullbone, Difficult, Flippin, Sweet Lips and my personal favorite: Bucksnort. Of course, even better is here in West Virginia where we have the lovely towns of Big Ugly, Odd and Booger Hole to name a few. And yes, there have been newspaper headlines "Big Ugly Man Killed in Wreck" in reference to a gentleman from Big Ugly.**


	15. Chapter 15

**BPOV**

"So, how did your date go?" Rose asked me early the next morning.

"Coffee first," I grumbled, stumbling my way toward the coffee maker. After I had settled myself with a big mug and a muffin, Rose again decided to pounce.

"Now that you're caffeinated, how did your date go?" Rose asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

"It wasn't a date," I replied.

"Just dinner with his folks?" Rose snorted.

"It was fine," I grimaced. "His sister is a little kooky, and his parents are pretty handsy for a couple their age, but other than that, it was actually a lot of fun."

"So, when are you seeing him again?" Rose asked.

"We work together," I pointed out. "I'll probably see him Friday and after the website launch, I'll probably never see him again."

"Maybe, maybe not," Rose sign-songed.

Monday was thankfully a blur and I found myself crawling into bed much more quickly than expected. However, from the second I got up on Tuesday morning, I knew the day was going to drag. I went into work, did my usual routine of getting things together for Irina, and then got permission from her to take off for an interview for my article. I was still working on a couple of interviews, not to mention getting facts of sidebars, information and other stuff to go with it from the dating sites themselves. I had a lot of fun at the lunch interview I had set up and then hurried back to the office not only to keep working on my story but also all of the other tasks I had to complete as Irina's assistant.

Rushed and flushed, I walked into the office only to find someone else sitting in it. Not expecting a guest, I stumbled backward, nearly letting out a scream. However, I recovered myself as Edward stood up, looking every bit as sheepish about the incident as I felt. I wondered why Edward had been waiting for me. It was a Tuesday, after all, and we didn't have web site meetings until Friday. Then again, it could be something related to dinner with his family the other night.

"Hi," I said, maneuvering my way to my desk. "What brings you here?"

"Irina called me up. Wanted to look up some site specs before the meeting this weekend," Edward said. "And I just finished up with another client in the area, so I thought I'd come on over… but she appears in the middle of a very heated phone call…"

I leaned over and looked into Irina's office, finding her angrily yelling into the phone. It was a common thing. I knew Irina had gotten several angry calls from jewelry companies that advertised in our magazine or to women in general after we did a story on what companies sell blood diamonds and where they get them from. Irina and the magazine had been sued more than once due to exposes and Irina drew a lot of heat when the magazine did a big story on what life is like for women in the porn industry.

"What's going on?" Edward asked me nervously.

"It could be anything," I shrugged. "We could be getting sued by a parents group again or Irina could be yelling at her husband for forgetting to pick up their daughter after ballet practice."

"Okay… so, I'm guessing it will be a while longer?" Edward said.

"Yeah," I nodded. "You don't have any place you need to be after this, do you?"

"No. I don't have to be anywhere until later tonight," Edward sighed. "I got roped in to doing some male bonding with Jasper tonight, so hopefully I won't end up hogtied and branded and left for dead in a field somewhere."

"Such faith you have in the man you've entrusted your sister, too," I shook my head. "You can sit back down and wait. I might be able to IM her in a bit and ask how long it will be, depending on her mood."

"Thanks," Edward nodded, taking his seat back.

I organized my desk, answered a few emails and went to work typing up my interview notes. I was heavily concentrated on the word document before me when I heard the ruffling of Edward readjusting himself in the chair. I went back to typing only to feel like he was staring at me. I turned just in time to catch Edward seeming thoroughly interested in a blown up version of one of the old magazine covers that now hung in my office/Irina's personal waiting room.

"She's an actress now, if you're trying to place where you know her from," I mentioned to him offhand. "Started out modeling fashion here, Irina put her in contact with some friends down in California and now she's in that big budget action flick that's coming out this summer. It's a minor role, but she's supposed to do big things."

"Oh…I was uh… more interested in that one," Edward said, pointing to some bright, neon green text on the cover. I read the teaser tagline — "The hi-tech tools every girl should have in her toy box" — and blushed profusely. Oblivious, Edward continued on. "Is that like the new smartphones or business aps aimed at women?"

"Uh… no… that Love, Relationships and Sexual Health department's review of the most technologically advanced sex toys on the market," I admitted. "Apparently, there's one you can plug into your iPod and it converts the vibrations of the music into…"

"I thought _Femme_ did stories on international orphan adoption and South American sex trafficking, you know, hard hitting stuff," Edward interjected.

"Well, depending on how they are used, I'm sure there are some very hard hitting…" I began.

"How did we get on this topic?" Edward grimaced. He seemed to be having a hard time settling his hands or deciding which leg he wanted to cross over the other.

"You brought it up," I snorted.

"Is Irina still on the phone?" Edward asked. I looked into her office and nodded. Edward let out a long sigh. "Maybe I should just come back another time…"

"I have a feeling if you leave, she'll get off the phone as soon as you hit the elevator," I shrugged. Edward sighed, finally managing to situate himself comfortably in his seat.

"Sorry I'm being a pain. This is just the biggest project I've ever taken on and I'm kind of nervous, you know? Make or break my career nervous," Edward said.

"You'll do fine," I said. "Believe me, knowing and liking your mom is not enough to get hired by Irina. She's a tough boss, but fair."

"Have you talked to her about writing again?" Edward asked.

"I'm actually working on my first story right now," I replied excitedly.

"What's it about?" Edward asked. I blushed, not wanting to really tell him.

"Uh…internet dating…" I mumbled.

"Seriously?" Edward smirked.

"It was an idea I thought up before the whole incident with your dad, okay? I mean, tons of people do it nowadays. And I never realized how many niche websites there are," I said. "Going online to date can get incredibly specific. There are sites for only people of certain religions, people with the same political beliefs, based on your age, career. There's one for Star Trek fans only. Some sites will only do heterosexual relationships and others that will hook you up with anything and everything. There are dating sites for people who are already married and just looking to hook up! You'd think technology would make things simple, but… I don't know… the whole online dating scene seems just as confusing as the bar scene."

"Did you know statistically people who meet in bars have a lower rate of satisfaction in their relationships and a higher rate of divorce than people who meet in bookstores?" Edward said.

"Well, I can think of several reasons for that. Typically, you aren't drunk when you go to a bookstore," I said.

"I don't know… I think I made at least once book purchase in college after a weekend bender," Edward said thoughtfully.

"Was the book on how to pick up co-eds?" I asked.

"No… pretty sure it was on Java," Edward said. "I also bought a box of Poptarts and began eating them before I even went to check out. I usually don't do that. I feel guilty eating grapes at the grocery store, even if they're from the bag I'm purchasing."

"Really? I pretty much eat a whole bag before I even pick which bag I want. And I never feel guilty," I replied. I glanced in the room to see Irina had calmed down considerably and then turned back to Edward. "I'm going to message her real quick and let her know you're waiting. I think she's on the phone with her husband this time."

"Thanks," Edward nodded as I quickly typed in the message and sent it. "And I'm really sorry to be here interrupting your work."

"You aren't interrupting anything," I shook my head. "I settled a lot of things this morning so I could get to work on this article in the afternoon. Of course, I've got plenty of time to work on it still and I'm a lot further along than I thought I could be."

"Wish I could help," Edward said. "I mean, I could probably design you an internet dating web site, but I doubt I could do much more. My sister is the one who knows all about the romance stuff." I paused for a second.

"She's a wedding planner, right?" I asked.

"Yeah," Edward nodded.

"She wouldn't happen to still be in contact with any couple she worked for her met online, would she?" I asked hopefully.

"I'll ask her to call you," Edward nodded. "Alice would be more than happy to help. She's all about helping people find their true loves and things like that. She'll probably give you too much information."

"I really appreciate it," I told him. "I kind of want an online dating success story as well as some of the more embarrassing stories I've seen. I mean, just because the process is harder for some people than others doesn't mean you should give up, right?"

"Do you mean looking for love online or just in general?" Edward asked, quirking and eyebrow.

"Both, I guess," I shrugged. Edward looked like he was ready to say something when Irina's door popped open and she stepped out of her office.

"Edvard, so sorry to keep you vaiting," Irina smiled at him.

"Oh, it's no problem. You weren't expecting me," Edward replied. "You have a busy enough schedule as it is, I was surprised you had time to squeeze me in."

"It no problem," Irina shook her head. "Come in and ve can talk, yes?" Edward nodded and walked into her office. Before shutting the door, Irina turned back to me. "Good lunch, Bella?"

"Yes. The interview was a lot of fun to. It's really coming along," I nodded. "I'm hoping to have it to you earlier than expected."

"Good, but I still think you vork too hard," Irina said. "You should take break. Do something fun. Don't know vhat is vith young peoples today. All they do is vork, vork, vork." Shaking her head, Irina closed the door behind her and then went into her meeting with Edward.

I sort of lost track of how long they had been in that office together because I was so focused on getting my story together. I had managed to set up an interview with the PR rep for a locally-based dating site for the next day and was really excited to get that part of the story done. I had pretty much finished typing and organizing my most recent interview when the door opened and Edward came out of Irina's office. He looked very relieved and I could hear Irina giving him some words of encouragement before they said goodbye and Edward shut the door behind him. I was ready to say goodbye myself, only to find Edward awkwardly standing in front of my desk.

"I'm… this is going to sound totally weird, but… your boss asked me to ask you to hang out some time," Edward said. I sighed a little and then shook my head in laughter.

"Irina thinks that I don't have enough fun because I don't come in to work every morning with smeared raccoon eyes after spending every night living it up at the club or whatever," I replied. "I guess her ballet career made her so disciplined in her youth she didn't get to have much fun, and I suppose she thinks that I'm not taking advantage of my 'wild and reckless' years or something."

"I guess she has a point," Edward said. "Actually, I'm kind of nervous she's going to fire me off this project if I don't get coffee with you some time now."

"Maybe after work Friday?" I suggested. "I'm swamped this week, but maybe we could meet up with Rose and Emmett. I think you'll get along with Emmett. He's a really big guy, but most of the time he acts like a puppy or a six-year-old girl."

"Uh… okay," Edward nodded. "Well…uh… see you Friday?"

"Sure," I nodded. We said our goodbyes and Edward headed out of the building. Just as his disappeared from view, Irina decided to pop out of her office.

"Edvard is nice boy, hmmm?" Irina said.

"He's okay," I said, wondering what she was up to.

"You should keep mind open, Bella," Irina informed me, before disappearing back into her office and shutting the door. It took a minute after she left for realization to dawn on me. I wasn't positive, but I was pretty sure my boss was trying to hook me up.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Really looking forward to Monday when all of the Reese's and Cadbury eggs go on sale.**


	16. Chapter 16

**EPOV**

When I looked at the clock for the third time only to find it was still five past eleven, I couldn't help but wonder how I, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, had found myself in what was possibly the only honky tonk bar in Seattle on a Tuesday night. The day had begun normally enough. I had checked what was becoming a routine morning email from Alice about her wedding site, had breakfast and then went to meet with a few clients. I had really made some great progress on the site for _Femme_, so I decided to drop by the office and show the web ladies and Irina what I was working on ahead of Friday. The girls in the web department were easy enough to appease, but I found Irina locked in her office in the midst of a yelling match over the phone.

After about ten minutes of waiting, Bella waltzed into the room and was completely startled by my unanticipated presence in the room. I had been sitting in a chair partially hidden by a fichus from the door, and hadn't realized her office also served as the temporary waiting room to see Irina. We made awkward, idle chitchat for a moment before I promised to put her in contact with Alice for her article. Bella seemed exuberant to have a real writing assignment to work on, and I knew Alice would be ecstatic to help. However, I did start to question my own motives since I kept trying to get Bella involved with my family on various levels.

The meeting with Irina went well, and I was temporarily relieved to know I was on the right track with things for the web site. With our conversation over, I started to pack up to get back home and get back to work on some of my awaiting projects. In the midst of all the ruffling papers, Irina cleared her throat, bringing my attention back to her. It was clear from her expression that Irina was not done speaking, and I knew from experience she wasn't the type of woman you just ignored when she had something to say.

"So, how vell do you and Bella know each other?" Irina asked me curiously.

"Huh? Oh… I…uh… met her when I was out with my parents one night," I lied. I was pretty sure Irina knew there was something I wasn't saying, but she didn't question it. "How did you…"

"I thought you must know each other after how you reacted at the first meeting," Irina shrugged. "She is a nice girl, hmmm?"

"Uh… yeah…" I said, wondering where exactly Irina was taking things.

"Bella is hard vorker. Sometimes, seems all she does is vork," Irina said.

"I know she's very dedicated to her job and to her dreams," I said.

"Yes, but unfortunately, she does not get out much due to vork," Irina informed me. I sat there quietly for a moment, wondering exactly what Irina was getting at. "You are hard vorker, too. I know from vhat I see and vhat your mother told me. I do not understand you young people nowadays. All vork, no fun."

"I guess it has something to do with the economy and how hard it is to actually get work anymore," I shrugged. "Not to mention, it's getting harder and harder to retire, especially for us younger people."

"Pssh," Irina snorted. "You are young now, and you von't have time to make fun when retired. Vill break hip. I think you and Bella should vhat young people say… hang out sometime. Do both of you good to be making fun with people your own age."

"Well…uh… I can try, but I don't think Bella will go for it," I shrugged.

"It has been pleasure meeting vith you, Edvard," Irina said. "Feel free to stop by anytime."

"Thank you," I nodded. I shuffled out to Bella's office, closing the door behind me so Irina could get back to her work.

Bella herself was pretty wound up in her own work, and I really didn't think it would be good to disturb her. However, what Irina had said was now nagging at the back of my brain and I was sort of wondering if taking out her assistant was now part of my job as Irina's web site consultant. It felt like I had been standing there forever when Bella finally acknowledged me and after some awkward conversation, she agreed for a group outing with her roommate and her roommate's boyfriend. Even though I was still nervous and wondering why I had let Irina goad me into seeing Bella outside of work again, I figured it was a good idea to get out of the house. After all, a guy can only spend so many Friday nights at home, playing _Call of Duty_ online and drinking beer.

Then again, the thought that maybe I should get out more and interact with human beings was the entire reason why I found myself in Rusty's that night, drinking a beer and splitting a bowl of peanuts with my soon-to-be brother-in-law. When Alice said Jasper thought we should get to know each other better, I thought I had at least a few weeks to a few months before the male bonding would commence. However, Jasper called me up Monday afternoon, asking me if I would be free for the next day.

"Hey man," Jasper said, "I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tomorrow. My classes end at three, so I'm good any time after."

"Okay… I guess around five-ish?" I asked. "Do you wanna meet me somewhere or what?"

"I can pick you up," Jasper replied.

"So…uh… what are we going to do?" I asked nervously.

"I know a bar. Good brews, a pool table and some vintage pin ball machines. Pretty low key," Jasper drawled out.

"Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow," I said.

"Later," he agreed.

Thinking back, I realized I had never heard Jasper talk other than when he was feeding off of Alice's energy or when someone asked him a direct question. He was a man of few words, and since I wasn't the best conversationalist, I realized this evening had great potential for many long, drawn out silences. I contemplated making note cards with possible conversation topics on them, but that seemed a little nerdy and desperate, even for my standards. I was sure Jasper and I could at least find something in common. We were both guys, we were both involved in Alice's life and we both lived in the same city. That had to give us some common ground.

Ten minutes after we arrived at the bar, Jasper had said less than ten words to me. I got a "hey" when he picked me up outside my apartment, a "bar's over here," when we got close to our destination, and a "I'll have the same" when I ordered a Bud and some potato skins once we were at the bar. Of course, those last four words were directed at the bartender and not myself, but I was still counting them since it was probably the most conversation Jasper and I had exchanged directly since we first met. We both nursed our beers, I broke open a few peanut shells on the bar, and Jasper took a glance or two at the game on one of the bar's big screens. It was pure agony.

"So…uh… how's work?" I asked in a feeble attempt to make conversation.

"Sucks this time of year," Jasper shrugged.

"Why's that?" I asked, feeling I had tapped into something.

"Well, it's April and finals are comin' up in May, so most of my students are asking for either extensions on their term papers or wantin' me to basically hand them copies of the answer sheet to the final exam so they don't have to study," Jasper said. "Not to mention there are three or four kids who haven't shown up since the first day who are now in the class again. Apparently, the prof saying he doesn't take attendance is code for you don't have to show up."

"I mean, isn't it their own fault if they haven't paid attention and studied?" I asked. "I'm sure you've got some very bright students who are there every day taking notes, asking questions and making sure they're prepared…"

"Well yeah," Jasper shrugged. "The problem is the kids not showin' up to class or askin' for extensions because they were too lazy or too busy havin' fun… well, they remind me of myself in college."

"I'm guessing you did well enough to get back, Professor Whitlock," I pointed out.

"I know, I know," Jasper shrugged. "Makes me kinda want to thump them on the head or something, too. If my mama and dad hadn't chewed me out for nearly loosin' my scholarships sophomore year, I don't think I woulda finished."

"They fail the class, they learn a lesson," I shrugged.

"I guess," Jasper shrugged.

"I guess I always was the kid in the front taking notes, showing up early and studying for hours on end," I said.

"What about your job?" Jasper asked curiously.

"It's going," I shrugged. "I'm trying not to overwhelm myself since the _Femme_ project is pretty big and all."

"And how's _Bella_?" Jasper asked with a wiggle of his eyebrows. I glared at him.

"What did my sister bribe you with to get you to ask me that?" I snorted.

"I don't think you really want to know, and besides, I'm a little curious myself," Jasper shrugged. It was my turn to raise an eyebrow at him. "You know, where I come from, bringin' a young lady around to dinner with your folks is a pretty serious things."

"She was actually there to see mom and dad, not me. I just drove her," I snorted.

"Like her chauffeur?" Jasper smirked.

"We're just temporarily working together. Her boss is my client and sometimes you have to do what the client wants," I replied. "In a few months, I'll probably never see her again. I don't know why Alice and Mom keep making a big deal about it."

"Probably because you haven't been with a girl since that Tawny or whatever her name was," Jasper shrugged. "Womenfolk like seein' people get settled down. I should know. My mama started sendin' me copies of the hometown paper every time someone I went to high school with got married or engaged."

"That why you popped the question to my sister/" I asked curiously.

"Nah. All those came when I was at college," Jasper shrugged. "While I was gettin' a degree, most of the people I went to school with were gettin' knocked up or goin' to jail for cooking meth in the trailer park. I think my mama was gettin' grandbaby fever because all of her friends were becomin' grandmas. Course, a lot of the people I went to school with had their first little one when they were sixteen, so their mama's were grandma's at thirty-five. And it's been ten years since high school, so a lot of the people gettin' married while I was in school are now gettin' divorced and remarried. I mean, some of them stuck it out, but I knew from the time I was fourteen I wanted to meet the right girl and I wanted it to stick. I didn't want to be with some girl just because I fooled around with her in the back of a pickup and her daddy had good aim with his shotgun."

"So, you're glad you didn't rush into things?" I said.

"I admit, Alice and I haven't been together as long as a lot of people, but… I don't know… I just knew, you know?" Jasper shrugged. "I mean, there were girls I thought were pretty or smart or fun to be around before, but when I met your sister… it was like things shifted, you know? All I could think about was gettin' to know her and hopin' she liked me… I never felt so tongue-tied and shy in my life."

"Must be nice," I said.

"I think you're a guy like me, Edward," Jasper said. "You're waitin' for that lightning strike. I know people think it's rare, but when I see people like your parents and mine… well, it doesn't make it seem so rare."

"I don't know… I'm starting to doubt that whole 'the geeks shall inherit the earth' thing," I snorted. "And just when I thought 'The Big Bang Theory' might give me a shot…"

"Well, not with that attitude. I don't think that's you talkin' either," Jasper said. "I think it's that sorority bitch you used to date. Alice showed me her picture in her wedding announcement, and she's not even that good looking. Is that what's bothering you? That she hitched herself to a bum wagon? Because honestly, I think you should pat yourself on the back every day that you didn't settle for that piece of trash."

"You think Tayna is a piece of trash?" I said.

"Look, man, I grew up in a double wide in the Shady Acre Estates, so I know trash" Jasper snorted.

"I thought you grew up on a farm," I said.

"No. Mamaw and Papaw had a farm we visited on the weekend, but mama and dad opted for a mobile home outside of town. Apparently, my mama had always wanted one for some reason," Jasper said. "And when I was comin' up, my mama walked me to the bus stop in her bathrobe, bunny slippers and hair curlers every morning until I was a sophomore. I know trash. I know white trash, trailer trash and any other kind of trash there is. Just because your poor doesn't make you trash. Believe me, I could take you to any ritzy neighborhood in any town and find you some trash. And that woman is trashy."

"You can tell all that by a photo?" I snorted.

"That and all the stuff your sister told me, how she treated you, how she married some guy she started seeing while she was still seeing you," Jasper said. "Would you really want to come home to a woman like that? Have a woman like that raise your kids? Have a woman like that help you pick out your mama's birthday presents?"

"Is that the standard? Would I let a woman pick out my mother's birthday presents?" I said.

"Yeah. You know, Alice has never been wrong about my mama's birthday car or presents," Jasper said. "This past year, she got her a pink Dallas Cowboys shirt and a matching set of bedazzled boots. Mama really liked that. She told me Alice is a keeper. And personally, if a girl doesn't care enough about you to help you pick out your mama's birthday present, she doesn't care enough period. It's not that she has to like your mama, but if she loves you, she'll put up with her."

"What? Do you not like my mom?" I snorted.

"Hell no, I'm not sayin' that," Jasper replied. "She's been like a second mother to me ever since I met Alice, and takes care of me like I'm her own. I have nothing but respect for Esme and all she's done. She's one strong lady, you know."

"Alright, I feel you," I admitted.

"I'll even go a step further and say Bella Swan seems like the type of girl who would be awful handy at pickin' our presents for Esme. Those two could easily be two peas in the same pod," Jasper nodded. "Might be good for your mama to have a friend other than that poor dog."

"I guess you've seen the pictures she's been texting me and Alice?" I smirked.

"You and Alice nothin'. She got my number somehow and this mornin' I was in the middle of a staff meetin' when my phone went off," Jasper said. "I was worried it was something important, like your dad was sick or Alice had been in an accident, and instead it was that dog wearing a pair of Easter bunny ears. I'm just hoping next time it doesn't pop up during a lecture."

"Yeah," I sighed. "Have you seen the thing modeling its sweaters? I mean, Seattle's cold but the dog does have fur. Not to mention it's an inside dog."

"If you can call it a dog, anyways. Thing looks like a furry pillow with legs," Jasper said. "The coon hound I had growin' up woulda eaten that thing for breakfast."

"I don't know. That dog seems to be secretly evil," I pointed out. "It's always biting or growling or snapping at me. And it stares at me like it's trying to find my weak point. I'm scared that she's going to ask me to dog sit and come back to find the dog alone in my apartment because it's eaten me."

"I don't think that dog could eat you in a weekend. Maybe a week if it had help from friends," Jasper mused. "But I think you're right. That dog got all cuddly up to Alice's chest and then when I tried to put my arm around her, it snapped at me."

"Dad should have gotten mom a fish or something," I said.

"Amen to that," Jasper agreed.


	17. Chapter 17

**BPOV**

"Bella has a date! Bella has a date! Bella has a date with a boy!"

You would think that singsong voice plaguing me in the kitchen would be an overexcited Rose, but no. Emmett started bouncing up and down and singing like a six-year-old high on pixie sticks when I told Rose of my group hang out plan for Friday night with Edward. I only managed to get out that Edward had asked me to hang out with him when Emmett began his little song and dance. I didn't even know what he was already doing in our apartment. Rose had just gotten home herself and seemed a little shocked to be there.

"What is he doing here?" I asked her.

"My apartment has coin operated laundry. You guys have your own laundry machine," Emmett said. As if to bring his point him, the dryer buzzed and he skipped off to grab his load of sweat pants and grimy t-shirts.

"So, he asked you out?" Rose asked giddily.

"Not exactly," I shook my head. "I mean, it was totally obvious Irina put him up to it. So, anyway, you and me and Em are going to meet him for dinner or something Friday night…"

"So Em and me are doubling with you and him?" Rose said.

"It's not a date. It's a group thing," I said.

"Except for the fact that it's two girls and two guys and one of those girls and guys is dating," Rose pointed out, "and the other guy and girl are in that awkward Hugh Grant I-like-you-kinda-sorta-but-I'm-too-afraid-to-do-anything phase."

"That is not a thing," I snorted.

"That is so a thing," Rose retorted. "And yes, Em and I would love to double with you and Edward."

"Rose, it's not…" I began.

"We're going to have to find you something sexy to wear, too," Rose said. "I'll even dress down so you get all the attention."

"Thanks, Rose," I snorted sarcastically. "But I don't need to dress sexy. I told you, this is a fun group no pressure hang out thing. Not a date thing."

"So, the fact that the universe keeps shoving this guy into you isn't some kind of sign that, I don't know, maybe you should get your head out of your ass and let him fuck you up against a wall?" Rose snorted.

"What did you say about last Thursday, babe?" Emmett called cheekily from behind us.

"Emmett, if you're going to fold your stinky underwear, can you at least not do it in the living room?" Rose hissed at him.

"It's clean," Emmett said, sniffing the pair in his hands. "Smells like cotton and rainbows. Here, take a sniff…" He launched the underwear at Rose only for her to step out of the way and it to fall flat.

"I am seriously putting my foot down about this Bella," Rose said. "You meet a guy who was a jerk at first, I'll admit, but he's turning out to be pretty nice and I really think you should give him a chance. I know you've been burned before, but seriously, pouting in your bedroom every night isn't going to help you find your soulmate and it's definitely not going to get you laid."

"Tell it sister! Can I get an amen?" Emmett chorused from where he was still folding his underwear.

"But since you're having a hard time accepting this and obviously need the moral support, I guess Em and I can go along with you and make sure things go over smoothly," Rose said. "But you are not allowed to protest if we accidentally leave the two of you alone or encourage alone time or anything like that."

"Wait… so what are we doing now?" Emmett frowned.

"He didn't ask me out, Rose. He asked to hang out with me and my friends," I grumbled. "He didn't seem that happy about asking to hang out with me anyway, so don't go assuming he thinks I'm hot stuff or something. Because he doesn't."

"Did he bring up Em and me tagging along?" Rose asked pointedly.

"Well, no… he just said we could get coffee or something…" I began.

"And then you turned it into this group dinner thing," Rose said.

"Ah, come on, Belly. The guy just wanted to hang out with you and now you've dragged Rose and me into it," Emmett shook his head. "If I were that guy, I'd feel totally overwhelmed. I mean, not only does he have to impress you but he has to make a good impression on your friends now and, believe me, I'm a hard one to impress."

"You giggle and clap your hands at anything in a store that lights up," Rose pointed out. "And Bella, I think he was asking you out, Irina giving him a gentle shove in the right direction or no."

"Well, what should I have said? Let's skip dinner and just do me on my desk right now?" I huffed.

"That would have been fuckhot," Emmett nodded, folding a pair of boxers with Wolverine on them.

"Go somewhere else with your underwear!" Rose hissed at him. With a huff, Emmett picked up his laundry basket and retreated into Rose's room. Once he was gone, Rose turned back to me. "You should call him up and tell him we can't make it, but that you would love to hang out with him…"

"Rose," I grumbled. "Look, he's not even home tonight. He's going out with his future brother-in-law tonight, so I don't think I'd even be able to reach him…"

"So you have his phone number?" Rose said with an eyebrow raised.

"Just because we were going to his parents' house and…" I began.

"Not helping your case, Bells," Rose pointed out. "If you don't call him up, I will find your phone and do it for you."

"I'll talk to him tomorrow," I grumbled, stomping off to my room.

"Holding you to that!" Rose yelled after me.

I huffed and puffed all the way to my bedroom where I changed clothes, settled into my comfy covers and turned up the music on my iPod before pulling out a good book. Rose may have been a little terse with Emmett beforehand, but I figured by the time he was done folding his unmentionables he would be back on her good side again. And that mean I had to make a preemptive strike to drown out the sounds of moans, creaking and the slamming of Rose's headboard against the wall.

Well, I couldn't actually hear the headboard but Mrs. Cope, the seventy-something granny woman with ten cats who had somehow found herself in an apartment building aimed at young professionals was really put out by the sounds of Rose and Em's noisy sexing, especially since Rose's bedroom backed up to her living area. Even more depressing, I was convinced that I would soon be in Mrs. Cope's place, trying to forget my loneliness as I drank another sip of tea and turned up the volume of my game shows to drown out the noise of two throaty twenty-somethings getting it on next door.

Irina was in a pisstacular mood the following morning. After she locked herself in her office, I knew I would be taking a lot of messages and holding a lot of phone calls. During the lull before lunch, I finally got up the courage to give Edward the call I had promised Rose the day before. On the third ring, I was about ready to give up and turn off my phone, but then he answered. After an awkward hello, I decided to get down to business and deal with this awkward situation like pulling off a Band Aid.

"So, about Friday night…" I began.

"I'm so glad you brought that up," Edward grimaced. "I may have, after a couple of beers, accidentally mentioned that to Jasper and he told Alice and she called me up this morning and invited them. I mean, Rose and Emmett wouldn't be opposed to hanging out with my obnoxious sister and her stone silent fiancé, would they? I tried to tell her no, but it's hard to do when you don't get a word in edgewise…"

"No, I'm sure Rose and Emmett would be okay with that," I said. "The more the merrier, right?"

"Well, I don't know if the person who coined that phrase ever met anyone like my sister, but I guess," Edward answered.

"Did you at least have fun with Jasper last night?" I asked.

"Yeah. It was pretty okay. He's an okay guy," Edward admitted. "We get along okay, and if you ever need to hustle some pool, Jasper's your guy. He won fifty bucks last night and I now have a new appreciation for the musical stylings of Lynyrd Skynyrd."

"Be careful. Before you know it, Jasper will have you helping him hide his still and be taking you on cattle drives," I laughed.

"I don't think we're in danger of that, but we did bond over my mother's creepy dog," Edward said.

"I don't think Miss Priss would appreciate that," I said.

"Shit, do you think the dog can hear me?" Edward said, sounding genuinely fearful.

"I'll see you when you come by the office Friday, okay?" I laughed.

"Okay. See you then," Edward nodded. I had barely clicked off my phone when Irina's shadow appeared over my desk, causing me to scream and jump about a foot out of my desk chair in fright.

"Oh God," I said, trying to calm my racing heart.

"Vas that Edvard?" Irina asked with a knowing smirk.

"Uh…yeah…" I said. "Did you hear that?"

"No, but you are smiling very videly," Irina smirked. "So, vhen are you seeing him?"

"Uh, well, I'm going with him, his sister, her fiancé, my roommate and her boyfriend to hang out Friday night," I said. "You know… a group thing."

"A group thing vere everyone else is couples?" Irina snorted. "Alright, Bella, if you need the group to make you feel comfortable…"

"It's not that… Why are you pushing this anyway?" I huffed. Irina just chuckled to herself.

"Hold my calls, I vill be in meeting until eleven," Irina instructed me before heading out to her morning meeting. I sighed and decided to give Rose a buzz, alerting her to the recent developments.

"So, I called Edward to talk to him about Friday night…" I began.

"What did you say to him Bella?" Rose asked in a tired voice as if she already knew the answer.

"I didn't get a chance to say anything," I said defensively. "Before I could say anything, he told me he had told his sister's fiancé about it and then his sister invited the pair of them along to hang out. So, even if you and Emmett don't go, his sister and her fiancé are still going to be there. I just wanted to know if you and Em still wanted to come in light of current events."

"Didn't you try to explain to him…" Rose began.

"Rose, you don't know his sister, okay?" I sighed. "Look, can you just be a supportive friend and come with me? I'm not asking for much, Rose…"

"Alright, alright," Rose groaned. "I'll come, but I can't stop Emmett from being a brute or making inappropriate jokes or doing inappropriate dance moves with unwilling waiters and bartenders."

"I already knew that much," I snorted. "Believe me between him and Edward's sister we'll probably get kicked out of the place in fifteen minutes."

After hanging up with Rose, I got back to work on my article and taking messages and other things for Irina. Irina was stuck in meetings for most of the day and fortunately didn't get many messages, so I had a chance to really get to work on my writing. If I could squeeze in my last few interviews, I would be finished and ready to edit the article by the end of the week. I was hoping to have it slipped under Irina's door for her to review before I left Friday afternoon. I was glad to find out there were other people out there who had horror stories similar to mine regarding internet dating, but it also made me a little sad that I wasn't one of the lucky girls who had found her Prince Charming online.

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><p><strong>AN: I'm surprised how many people only know Lynyrd Skynyrd through "Sweet Home Alabama" and "Free Bird" and plane crashes. I really show my redneck roots when something like "The Ballad of Curtis Loew" or "Simple Man" comes on the radio.**


	18. Chapter 18

**EPOV**

To tell the truth, I was a little mad at Alice for inviting herself and Jasper out with me and Bella's friends, but there wasn't much I could do. Alice didn't hear the word "no" often and when she did hear it, she often just didn't listen. For some reason, I wanted Bella's friends to like me and it was enough pressure to meet new people without my little sister tagging along. At least Bella seemed cool with it. A part of me sort of wanted her to be offended or mad so I could really stick it to Alice and tell her she couldn't come, but Bella Swan was too nice for that. I probably could have invited my mom and the creepy serial killer dog and Bella would have been okay with it.

Friday, I woke up late, did some work and then got acceptably dressed for my meeting with _Femme_. Irina would be sitting in on this one to check up on the progress of the project since we were only a month and a half from launching the beta version for readers to check out. After that, we would take the feedback, retool the site a little, and then have the official launch. Even though I had met with Irina several times, respected her and she seemed to like me I was still nervous about what she would think of the site's progress so far. I had done websites for major firms before, but most of them were local businesses that didn't cater to a client-base far out of Washington or the West Coast in general. _Femme_, however, was international and possibly the biggest client I could ever hope to land. The fact that I was the lone guy working in a woman's world was enough of a hindrance. I had a feeling Leah the marketing director was still a little peeved Irina had selected me for the job over the dozens of well-qualified female applicants.

When I walked into the conference room to set up, I was surprised that Bella was already there, directing some caterers to set up snacks, drinks and other food items as part of the meeting. Usually, the room was pretty empty unless Tia or someone was there to help me set up. Upon seeing me, Bella turned and smiled but kept her focus on the caterers as I worked to untangle laptop cords and set up my presentation. When I was finished, I noticed the caterers had left and Bella had set herself up in her usual seat with her notebook and pen. All of the other women brought in their laptops, Blackberries or iPads to the meetings, but it always struck me that Bella always brought her old-fashioned pen and paper to take notes.

"Just so you know, I think we're going to start a little late today," Bella informed me. "Tia and the girls are dealing with a glitch in our intra-office IM system, Irina is doing a Skype interview with this female backpacker who will be attempting to summit Mount Everest and Leah is cussing out the CEO of a major grocery store chain that is wanting to drop _Femme_ from its shelves because we ran a lingerie ad his people thought was encouraging lesbianism."

"What? Was it like two women kissing or something?" I asked her.

"No. The ad tagline was 'Beautiful at any size,' showcasing the wide variety of women who they want to buy their lingerie," Bella explained. "There were three ads in total, one with a full figured white woman and a skinny African-American woman, one with a pregnant woman and an athletic woman, and one small Asian woman and that statuesque model from South Africa… Anyway, apparently two women in lingerie in the same room, even if they aren't touching or looking at each other, means their lesbians."

"Really, two women in the same room wearing lingerie means they're lesbians?" I laughed.

"Yeah, Rose and I just call that laundry day," Bella shrugged. I almost choked on my tongue. "Anyway, don't be surprised if Leah is in super-ultra bitch mode today. It's not you personally; she just in one of those moods where she hates all men."

"Is Leah…a…?" I said, not really sure out to delicately phrase the subject.

"Don't know. It's never come up," Bella shrugged. "I kind of always thought she was asexual. She gets her thrills from succeeding at her job."

"Well, at least it's all men and not just me," I said.

"Yeah, but she's going to treat you like the representative for your entire gender during this meeting, so be prepared to take one for the team," Bella cautioned me.

"Dually noted," I agreed.

Soon after that, everyone started filing in to the room for the meeting. Things started off smoothly even though there was a little bit of tension in the air after Irina entered the room. I think everyone really wanted to impress her with the progress we had made on the site, especially since we weren't too far off from launching the test version. The meeting began with a general review of what we had discussed last meeting and then I pulled up the changes we had made on the screen for everyone to take a look at. Leah didn't say much, but she didn't look

Thankfully, Irina was pretty much happy with what we had so far and only had a few more suggestions. When I was finished adding her ideas into the overall site, I would be bringing it back up for Tia and the other web girls to actually make a reality. The next few months, I would be spending a lot of time with them to implement the site and get it up and running for our beta testing. I was fairly surprised the meeting went off as smoothly as it did. I wasn't expecting Irina to be so on board with everything and, in the event Irina approved of the site, I was at last expecting Leah to get on my ass about something or another. The meeting ended a few minutes before I had anticipated it to and after talking briefly with Tia and Irina, I started packing my stuff up. Bella went out of the room with Irina to finish up whatever she had to work on for the rest of the day.

Since we were meeting up with everyone directly after work, Bella and I had come to the awkward decision to carpool on our way to the restaurant. Bella would then go home with Rose and Emmett. There was about thirty minutes left until Bella got off work, so I thought it would best if I went and hung out in the lobby to wait for her. I was almost finished packing up when Bella reentered the room. I wondered if maybe she had forgotten something or Irina had something additional to tell me.

"Ready to go?" Bella asked as I zipped up my messenger bag.

"Yeah," I said, a little confused.

"Irina let me off early," Bella explained. "Apparently, I work late too many nights, work too much overtime, and need to get a life."

"She said that?" I asked, surprised.

"Brief summary," Bella shrugged.

"Okay, well, we can head out," I nodded.

We walked an uncomfortable silence to the elevator and were the only ones inside when Bella pushed the button to the lobby. I was in that weird position conversationally. I wanted to say something but didn't want to dominate the conversation. Likewise, I sort of wished Bella would say something, but I didn't want her to feel like she had to make all the effort. I was starting to realize texting and IMing were probably easier forms of communication for a techno geek like me. I pushed my glasses up my nose, and reminded myself for the third time that day I needed to refill my contact prescription.

"So, uh… are you farsighted or nearsighted?" Bella asked me curiously.

"Farsighted. Probably from all the video games and computer screens," I admitted. "Forgot to refill my contacts, so I've got like three weeks before I can even hope to get them delivered."

"It's cool," Bella shrugged. "Lots of people wear glasses."

"Do you?" I asked.

"Nope. I'm twenty-twenty, but I guess that comes from having a sharp shooting cop for a father," Bella shrugged. "Rose does, and she actually looks great in them, but don't tell her I told you she wears them. Rose is super sensitive about her 'nerd glasses' as she calls them. I'm pretty sure Emmett doesn't even know about it."

"Yeah, but like you said lots of people wear glasses," I pointed out.

"Rose wasn't always the blonde bombshell you're going to meet tonight," Bella explained to me. "She's pretty sensitive about how she used to look."

"I'll keep that in mind," I nodded. "Anything else I need to know about them?"

"Uh… Emmett's favorite phrase is 'that's what she said' and, despite his size, he's a total light weight," Bella explained. "Two beers tops and he'll either be trying to arm wrestle you or get you to sing a duet of 'Don't Stop Believing' with him. Rose is pretty much Leah with a law degree."

"Okay," I nodded. "And I guess you've had enough experience with Alice and Jasper to warn Emmett and Rose about them. And again, I'm totally sorry Alice insisted on coming. She's just… intrusive, I guess is a good word."

"She was pretty helpful for my article," Bella said. "She texted me a couple of good names and I was able to track them down easily. I know I need to thank her for that tonight."

"How is the article coming?" I asked her curiously.

"Finished my final draft this afternoon," she explained. "I dropped it off with Irina before we left."

"What did she think?" I asked.

"She hasn't read it yet. That's what she's planning to do over the weekend," Bella sighed. "I really hope she likes it. I put a lot of work into it, and if she doesn't like it… well, I really don't know what that means for my career as a writer."

"Let me know what she thinks," I nodded, "but I'm sure it will work out."

I felt like telling Bella she was a great writer, but I honestly had never read anything she had written. I knew I would feel kind of like a jerk if I told her she was great and then it turned out she had no discernible talent whatsoever. Of course, the type of writing Bella did was much different than the type of writing I normally did. Irina would probably be the best judge of talent on the article. Now, if Bella was to write some web code, I could pretty much tell her what was what. Not that Bella would ever want to learn web code. She probably would think I was a complete nerd for having the hexadecimal value of around two thousand web colors memorized.

"Hey? Are you still in there?" Bella asked me. I realized the elevator had opened up on the bottom floor and she was standing outside it, waiting for me to come along.

"Sorry… zone out there for a bit," I admitted.

"It's okay. It's been a long week," Bella shrugged.

We headed out of the building and then across the street to the parking lot where I had left my car. Bella had picked the place, some restaurant she and her roommate had really wanted to go to, so she had to give me directions after I pulled out of the parking garage. The restaurant wasn't actually too awfully far from my apartment, but it took us around thirty minutes for us to get from the _Femme_ building to the place because of the Friday afternoon rush hour traffic. The one thing the traffic hold up did give us was a little time to talk.

"Sorry we're going to be late," I said to Bella.

"Not your fault," Bella shook her head. "Besides, I think Emmett and Rose will have a harder time getting her since they have to drive further. Should we call your sister and let her know it might be a while?"

"I think she'll figure it out," I shrugged. "She works from home and I'm pretty sure Jasper has Friday's off, so they probably aren't leaving until the last second anyway. Besides, Alice is usually late. Well, 'fashionably late,' as she says. We'll all probably be seated before they show up."

"She was there pretty early when we went to meet your folks," Bella pointed out.

"I think that was because she was excited to meet you," I replied.

"Why would she be excited to meet me?" Bella frowned.

"I don't know… probably because our parents were crediting you with saving their marriage?" I shrugged.

"I don't know why. I didn't do anything," Bella sighed. "But I am glad they're happy."

My phone chimed in my pocket and I pulled it out, find another picture of the dog. This time, she was in a doggie sundress at some sort of formal tea my mother was hosting at the house. Within seconds, I had been texted more pictures of mom holding her as well as the dog being held by mom's friends. The dog looked rather subdued in Mom's hands but looked sort of like some sort of demon spawn with glowing eyes and snarling teeth whenever anyone else held it. The series of photos were followed by a "Isn't she precious?" and a winky emoticon.

"For the love of all that is holy," I swore.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked, seriously concerned. I handed her the phone and after a moment or so, Bella burst out in laughter. "I'm guessing she dressed you and Alice up like this as babies as well?"

"Unfortunately," I grumbled. "My dad put a stop to it with me before I got too old, but Alice loved it. Alice has a picture of the two of us in sailor suites one Easter that I swear she's only keeping for blackmail. I'm serious starting to worry about my mom, though. I mean, that dog has more clothes than I do right now."

"I would probably pay good money to see little you in a sailor suit," Bella snickered.

"Yeah, well I threw up my chocolate Easter bunny all over like three seconds after mom snapped the photo," Edward grumbled. "Not a happy memory. Not to mention you would think my grandparents would have been smarter than to give a five-year-old a chocolate bunny roughly the same size he was and think he wouldn't eat it all in one sitting."

"If only they had a picture of _that_," Bella chuckled. Excitedly, Bella then leaned forward and pointed out her side window. "There's the restaurant up ahead. The parking lot ins in the back."

I followed her directions and made a left turn into the parking lot, creeping in slowly to find a good spot. The place wasn't exactly crowded yet, but most of the ogod ones up toward the front had already been taken. I had found a good spot up ahead when I heard Bella let out something between a squawk and a shrill shriek. I turned in her direction and gasped myself, finding Jasper being held in a headlock by a tall, blonde Amazon type woman. Behind her was a big, burly man with curly hair who was laughing his ass off. Rather than helping her fiancé, I found my sister leaning up against Jasper's car with a board look on her face.

"Oh God, Rose! What are you doing!" Bella said before jumping of my moving car. Albeit, it wasn't moving very fast. It was only when Bella ran to break up the scene did I realize it was Bella's roommate who had my future brother-in-law in a headlock.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I have inherited great gaydar from my mother, but my lesbiandar is completely off. Seriously, I could see two chicks making out in front of me and wouldn't realize they were lesbians.**


	19. Chapter 19

**BPOV**

I had never wanted to miss a day of work at _Femme_ before but that Friday was proving to be the exception. I had a hard time sleeping all night because I was afraid Irina would be disappointed in my finished article. When my alarm went off, I contemplated faking sick or just taking a personal day to get out of it. Of course, there was also the website meeting that afternoon, and even though I had a sneaking suspicion I wasn't exactly needed, I knew Irina wanted me to be there, to show up.

I was also supposed to be hitching a ride for the awkward group hang out thing I had mistakenly contorted out of what was probably Edward's shy attempt at asking me out. I didn't think he was exactly over the moon for me, but there was some potential he was at least interested. I would feel like a total bitch if, after turning his nervous date proposal into a friendly group thing, I didn't even bother to show up and he was stuck all night as the fifth wheel. Having been stood up a few times myself, I really didn't wish that feeling on anyone else.

When I wasn't making copies, rescheduling appointments or bringing faxes to Irina, I spent most of my day editing my story. I had called Alice Cullen the same night Edward had given me her number and, after she prattled on about nonsense for a while, I finally managed to get a couple of names out of her. The couples she suggested were perfect for the article and over all, I was pleased with all of the sources I had gotten. More concerning was how I was going to piece all of the information I had together. I had spent hours the previous afternoon writing and rewriting the first couple of paragraphs, never feeling completely satisfied with them.

Around three-thirty that afternoon, I decided the story was as good as it was going to get and printed out the document, placing it in a nice folder with the intention of slipping it under Irina's desk before we headed to our website meeting. Unfortunately, Irina had decided to have this meeting catered with some nice finger foods and the caterers showed up earlier than expected. I had to take the folder with me and my notepad, show them into the meeting room and basically walk them through how to set everything up. I was honestly like they had never catered and even before in their entire lives, so I found myself in charge. They were barely finished when Edward came through the door, ready to set up his equipment for the presentation.

I turned to give Edward a welcoming smile and say hello, but I ended up stopped dead in my tracks, butterflies in my stomach and my ovaries starting to work overtime. My one weakness had always been hot guys in nerdy glasses and there, in all his glory, was Edward Cullen in a pair of Buddy Holly-style frames. Before making an ass of myself or spouting out incoherent gibberish, I focused back on the caterers. It was completely unfair. Edward Cullen wore glasses. I sat back down after the caterers left, trying to regain control of my mental facilities.

"Just so you know, I think we're going to start a little late today," I said to Edward, careful not to look directly at him. "Tia and the girls are dealing with a glitch in our intra-office IM system, Irina is doing a Skype interview with this female backpacker who will be attempting to summit Mount Everest and Leah is cussing out the CEO of a major grocery store chain that is wanting to drop _Femme_ from its shelves because we ran a lingerie ad his people thought was encouraging lesbianism."

"What? Was it like two women kissing or something?" he asked, sounding a little intrigued. I seriously hoped he wasn't one of those guys.

"No. The ad tagline was 'Beautiful at any size,' showcasing the wide variety of women who they want to buy their lingerie," I explained. "There were three ads in total, one with a full figured white woman and a skinny African-American woman, one with a pregnant woman and an athletic woman, and one small Asian woman and that statuesque model from South Africa… Anyway, apparently two women in lingerie in the same room, even if they aren't touching or looking at each other, means their lesbians."

"Really, two women in the same room wearing lingerie means they're lesbians?" Edward laughed.

"Yeah, Rose and I just call that laundry day," I said. After realizing my innuendo, I nearly barfed on the table and hurried added: "Anyway, don't be surprised if Leah is in super-ultra bitch mode today. It's not you personally; she just in one of those moods where she hates all men."

"Is Leah…a…?" Edward asked curiously.

"Don't know. It's never come up," I admitted. To tell the truth, it was a common question around the office. "I kind of always thought she was asexual. She gets her thrills from succeeding at her job."

"Well, at least it's all men and not just me," Edward smiled. I had to look away before saying something stupid. I had no clue how I was going to make it through this meeting with him wearing those frames.

"Yeah, but she's going to treat you like the representative for your entire gender during this meeting, so be prepared to take one for the team," I warned him.

"Dually noted," Edward nodded.

I spent the entire meeting trying to avoid catching Edward's glance and doodling on my notebook. I was entirely unfair that he could come in looking like that. I almost wondered if Rose had somehow got ahold of him and told him about my slight obsession with glasses. Emmett thought it was a fetish, but I refused to believe that. I think it more stemmed from my attraction to smart guys, intelligent guys, and yes, many of them wore glasses. Edward, I noticed, had rather thick glass in his, making me wonder how bad his eyesight really was. I couldn't believe after all this time I had never noticed him in contacts. When the meeting was over, I jumped out of my chair and followed Irina back to her office. She turned around, surprised to see me.

"I thought you vere vith your friends this evening, Bella," Irina said.

"I just wanted to give you this," I said, handing her the folder. "It's the article we talked about."

"You still have a few veeks to get this in," Irina reminded me.

"I know. I wanted to make deadline," I said.

"I vill review over the weekend," Irina said. "Now, go. You have never taken off early. Go have fun with friends."

"Thank you," I nodded. I grabbed my bad and stuff from my desk and headed back to the conference room to catch up with Edward. He was packing his things up and the way his hair fell over his glasses made it hard not for me to start droolin.

"Ready to go?" I asked in much more high-pitched voice than I had intended.

"Yeah," Edward agreed. He looked at me for a moment like I had grown a third head.

"Irina let me off early," I spouted off rapidly. "Apparently, I work late too many nights, work too much overtime, and need to get a life."

"She said that?" Edward said with a smirk. He had to stop doing shit like that.

"Brief summary," I admitted

"Okay, well, we can head out," he agreed.

As we got into the elevator, I was trying to calm myself down and not say something completely ridiculous or stupid. The likelihood that I was going to say or do something embarrassing was only heighted as Edward pushed his glasses up his nose. I tried not to let out a sigh. Before I could control myself, I found myself asking him:

"So, uh… are you farsighted or nearsighted?"

"Farsighted. Probably from all the video games and computer screens," Edward said. "Forgot to refill my contacts, so I've got like three weeks before I can even hope to get them delivered."

"It's cool," I replied, trying to be nonchalant. "Lots of people wear glasses."

"Do you?" Edward asked curiously.

"Nope. I'm twenty-twenty, but I guess that comes from having a sharp shooting cop for a father," I blathered on. "Rose does, and she actually looks great in them, but don't tell her I told you she wears them. Rose is super sensitive about her 'nerd glasses' as she calls them. I'm pretty sure Emmett doesn't even know about it."

"Yeah, but like you said lots of people wear glasses," Edward reminded me. Great, now I probably had him thinking I didn't think glasses were sexy.

"Rose wasn't always the blonde bombshell you're going to meet tonight," I tried to explain. "She's pretty sensitive about how she used to look." Hopefully, he wouldn't take one look at Rose and forget everyone else was in the room, like a lot of guys tended to. Of course, Emmett would probably punch him if he got to close.

"I'll keep that in mind," Edward nodded. "Anything else I need to know about them?"

"Uh… Emmett's favorite phrase is 'that's what she said' and, despite his size, he's a total light weight," I continued. "Two beers tops and he'll either be trying to arm wrestle you or get you to sing a duet of 'Don't Stop Believing' with him. Rose is pretty much Leah with a law degree."

"Okay," Edward nodded. "And I guess you've had enough experience with Alice and Jasper to warn Emmett and Rose about them. And again, I'm totally sorry Alice insisted on coming. She's just… intrusive, I guess is a good word."

"She was pretty helpful for my article," I assured him. "She texted me a couple of good names and I was able to track them down easily. I know I need to thank her for that tonight."

"How is the article coming?" Edward asked, probably trying to be friendly.

"Finished my final draft this afternoon," I sighed. "I dropped it off with Irina before we left."

"What did she think?" Ihe asked.

"She hasn't read it yet. That's what she's planning to do over the weekend," I grimaced. "I really hope she likes it. I put a lot of work into it, and if she doesn't like it… well, I really don't know what that means for my career as a writer."

"Let me know what she thinks," Edward nodded, "but I'm sure it will work out."

We made small talk in the car while I served as navigator for the trip. It was a little hard pointing out to Edward what streets he should take and talking with him while trying to avoid looking directly at him. It was difficult, especially when I caught him sliding his glasses up his nose out of the corner of my eye. I was glad when I finally spied the restaurant and was able to direct him into the parking lot. Edward pulled in and started looking for a spot when I noticed Rose's car. I hadn't expect her and Emmett to already be there and, a few seconds after that, I looked over and noticed Rose, holding Jasper in a headlock. I just about shrieked, terrified this entire evening was going to implode upon itself before it even started.

"Oh God, Rose! What are you doing!" I shrieked, jumping out of Edward's moving car. I started toward them, flailing my arms in what I was sure was the least graceful manner possible. Emmett was continuing to laugh while Alice rolled her eyes. Rose still had Jasper held down and looked like she was giving Jasper a noogie. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, hey, Bella," Rose said, still holding Jasper in a headlock. "You didn't tell me the loser we were meeting up with was my cousin."

"What?" I gaped.

"That's enough, Rosie," Jasper laughed, pushing away from her. "I told you I had a cousin living in Seattle."

"What?" I said, still confused.

"Remember when I told you a couple of years ago my cousin from Texas was staying with my folks while he was getting his apartment ready," Rose said. "You know? He got a teaching position here in Seattle…"

"Teaching position? Try professorship, Rosalie Hale Esquire," Jasper laughed.

"So, small world, huh?" Emmett smirked.

"Very small," I nodded.

"So…uh what's going on?" Edward said, jogging up behind us after parking the car. Rosalie wiggled her eyebrows at me suggestively, noticing the thick rims on his face, and I tried to ignore her completely while Jasper and Alice explained things to him.

"So, Jasper's your cousin?" I said.

"Yeah," Rose shrugged. "I told you. My mom grew up trailer trash in Texas and she sort of tries to hide it. We'd go down there and see them for a couple of weeks each year and they'd come up and see us."

"So, you two are close?" I asked.

"We were when we were younger," Rose shrugged. "After high school we kind of lost touch. He wasn't at my wedding, but I have a feeling if Jazz had been there, he would have put a stop to it. He's good at reading people. I'd hate to see what would happen if Jazz ran into him around here. Probably wouldn't be pretty."

"I can't believe this," I sighed. I looked over to see Edward just as confused as I was, scratching the back of his neck and looking confusingly between Alice and Jasper.

"Well, enough of the reunion. Let's eat!" Emmett boomed, slapping both Jasper and Edward on the back as he headed toward the door. Jasper laughed but Edward just looked like he had the wind knocked out of him. I sighed, already wishing this evening could be over.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: My cousins and I often greet each other with tackling/headlocks/noogies.**


	20. Chapter 20

**EPOV**

Initially, I was concerned that Rose and Jasper had some bad blood between them. I turned out they were actually just related and headlocks were the Hale-Whitlock family way of saying hello. There more I looked at the two of them, the more I saw the resemblance. They could have probably past for twins. Jasper had mentioned that his mother's sister lived in Washington and he had a younger cousin living in the Seattle area. Alice already wanted to ask Rose to be a bridesmaid, and I had a feeling Emmett would end up joining Jasper and I on the bachelor party/Confederate camp-out beforehand.

We maneuvered our way into the restaurant and the guy on duty at the hostess station gave a heavy sigh and eye roll when he saw how big and boisterous our party was. It was Friday night and there were a fair amount of people already there, but I knew the crowd would probably be getting bigger as the night wore on. Between Alice's squeals and Emmett's booming laughs, we were already easily the loudest group in the joint. Judging by Emmett's size and Alice's ability to put it away without consequence, I had a feeling the competition for who could eat the most would be between the two of them as well.

They ended up seating us at one of those big round booths and I found myself sandwiched in between Alice and Bella. On Bella's other side was Rose and Jasper took Alice's other side. Emmett was taking up a large portion of the opposite end of the booth from where Jasper was sitting. I was momentarily glad Jasper was such a beanpole since that left a little bit more breathing room on my side of the booth. It was a little awkward being smooshed together so tightly, but if we were going for bonding, I guess it was the way to go.

"So, Bella, have you enjoyed riding around with Edward in the snoozemobile?" Alice asked in reference to my Volvo. It had been a college graduation present from our parents and, even though most guys would have preferred a hot rod, I didn't mind having a reliable car that served the main purpose of getting myself from Point A to Point B.

"Why do you call it that?" I grumbled.

"Because it's something an old man would drive," Alice snorted.

"You drive a bright yellow Volkswagen bug," I snorted.

"I don't know what's with you Cullens and your foreign made cars," Jasper rolled his eyes. "You'd both do better with some pure, American muscle. Ain't that right Rose? Personally, my big ass F-150 gets me anywhere I need to go."

"I seriously doubt that," I snorted. "You pay, what, two-hundred dollars to fill up once a week and the thing probably only gets one-mile to the gallon."

"American cars aren't what they used to be," Bella conceded, "but don't hate on American made. My '53 Chevy pickup was the best. Great gas mileage and it ran well."

"Yeah, until the engine blew out, the tires busted, your oil started leaking and the left side door and rear bumper fell off of their own volition," Rose snorted. "I couldn't even save, that truck Bells."

"That truck was a classic," Bella said.

"If that truck were a person, it would be collecting Social Security," Rose retorted.

"Bella even made us have a funeral for her truck," Emmett chortled.

"You buried it? The whole car?" I asked her in surprise.

"No. Just the steering wheel," Bella blushed.

"In her dad's backyard. It has a grave stone and everything," Emmett grimaced, making Bella blush even more.

"Hey! It was my first car!" Bella grimaced.

"Hate to admit it, Bella, but if Rose couldn't save it, that truck was a goner," Jasper whistled. "Why did you become a big, fancy pants lawyer anyhow? You should be running a garage somewhere with talent like that."

"Lawyers make more money than mechanics," Rose pointed out. "Besides, working on cars is my destresser. It wouldn't be as fun if I had to do it for a living. And I don't want to work on just anybody's car. I'd much prefer classics, even half-dead ones like Bella's truck."

"You know, from the time she was thirteen, Rose was always bent over some classic car in her dad's garage," Jasper said. "She probably knows more about engines than I do. It's too bad you don't get to work on them as much as you used to."

"Oh, Rosie knows she can bend over my car anytime she wants," Emmett said with a lascivious wiggle of his eyebrows.

"That's my cousin. Watch your mouth," Jasper said with a genial but pointed warning glare.

"I don't mind Jazz," Rose said with a toss of her hair. "Emmett knows how to bend over when he's told to."

"Dear God, how did this conversation degenerate so fast?" Bella muttered.

"So, I'm thinking about getting an appetizer, anyone want to split?" I suggested.

"I'm up for the Spanish quiche," Bella replied, seemingly thankful for the change in conversation.

"You're such a prude, Bells," Rose rolled her eyes.

"Edward's no better," Alice informed her.

"Can you refrain from talking about me as if I'm not in the room?" I grumbled at Alice.

"I can, but I won't," Alice replied before blowing the wrapper of her straw at my hair. I grimaced and flicked the wrapper from my silverware back at her, hitting her square in the nose. Alice scrunched her nose up in a response, a little annoyed that I had better aim.

"So, Alice, what line of bullshit did Jasper give you when he asked you out?" Rose asked.

"I'll have you know I was a complete gentleman," Jasper snorted. "And you, Rosie, would do well to act like a lady."

"He was really charming," Alice said, her eyes getting all moony and bright.

"I find that hard to believe," Rose snorted.

"He was!" Alice insisted. "Besides, what girl doesn't want a cowboy?"

"Oh, please tell me he didn't give you that horseshit," Rose snorted. "The way Jasper tells it he spent his entire life in the saddle on cattle drives. That's not true. He just helped our grandpa muck out the barn and stalls every weekend for extra cash."

"Hey, I will have you know I was the Midland County Junior Rodeo steer wrestling _and_ tie down roping champion for three straight years," Jasper shot back. "And I did a little bit more than muck out stalls. If I recall, _you're_ the one that was afraid the cows would bite you."

"They were huge! You don't realize how big cows are until you get right up close! And the horns!" Rose shook her head.

"My Rosie is afraid of cows?" Emmett laughed. It was cut short when Rose elbowed him in the chest sharply.

"I was eight and had never seen one before," Rose grimaced.

"She squealed like a stuck pig," Jasper grinned.

"God, Jasper, could you sound any more country?" Rose glowered at him.

"Well, we aren't all sissified like you," Jasper shot back.

"I'm sorry. I really had no idea it would turn out like this," Bella said to me as Jasper and Rose continued to bicker between themselves. "We probably should have just stuck with coffee."

"I don't mind," I shrugged. "I guess I would have met Rose and Emmett eventually anyway. And I have to admit, this is probably a tad more entertaining."

"Give it five minutes," Bella warned me. "I've seen Rose and Emmett go from most charming couple in the world to Rose sitting sidesaddle on Emmett's back and him racing around the floor making animal noises in five minutes."

"Yeah, well, Jasper once had to pull Alice off of the stairs at a historic Victorian house museum they were touring because Alice thought they had hung the chandelier crooked and decided to stand up on the stair railings and fix it herself while the tour guide was busy moving everyone into the next room," Edward pointed out. "I'm pretty sure the two of them aren't allowed back to the city of San Francisco."

"Hey! What are you two whispering about over there?" Alice called loudly in my ear.

"I was just telling Bella about the time you wore that peasant skirt to school and a huge gust of wind showed everyone your Minnie Mouse underwear," Edward said to her.

"Really? I thought you would be telling her about when you were six and you blew up all of Mom and Dad condoms like balloons for your stuffed bear's birthday party," Alice shot back.

"That is hilarious," Emmett concurred.

"That was on them, not me," Edward said. "And, besides, I was six. You were like what…fourteen?" Alice huffed.

"I bet your Minnie Mouse underwear was adorable," Jasper said to her.

"Perv," Rose and I said at the same time. I turned back to Bella. "So… were you serious about splitting that quiche?" Bella opened her mouth to say something, but was interrupted by a very chipper guy wearing a wide variety of buttons with wisecracks on them attached to his suspenders.

"Howdy folks! How is everyone that evening! Great! You guys want anything to drink?" he said in a lightning-fast pace.

His voice sounded like he had inhaled an entire birthday party's worth of helium balloons even though he looked like he was well into his twenties. Just about everyone at the table was startled by his sudden presence, myself included. The guy was about ten times more cheerful than Alice on an entire box of pixie sticks. The table quieted down for a few seconds as Too-Cheerful-Chet took our drink orders and then flounced off while we gave our menus a second look. Emmett loudly debated which steak he wanted to order and when Jasper announced he knew the twelve ounce was pretty good, Emmett had to go for the fourteen.

When the peppy waiter came back, he took a salad order from Rose and Alice, the steak orders from Emmett and Jasper and then a pasta dish order from Bella. For whatever reason, he decided to ask me what I wanted last. When I got some sort of grilled chicken and rice pilaf dish, both Jasper and Emmett had to snicker for whatever reason. The waiter took our orders and promised to be back with the appetizer quiche Bella and I had sprung for as well as a basket of rolls.

"Chicken? Seriously? We're at a steakhouse," Emmett shook his head at me.

"You are what you eat, Edward," Jasper agreed.

"I had a hamburger for lunch," I said.

"Lay off," Rose said, flipping her hair. "Besides, Emmett, I know for a fact you still cut the crusts off of your peanut butter and jelly sandwiches."

"Because crusts are nasty," Emmett said, pulling a face. "That's just a stone cold fact."

"Well, at least they're getting along," I shrugged.

"No way!" Alice shouted across the table. "I could totally whoop your ass at arm wrestling! I'm the family champion!"

"Probably only because they're afraid they'll break you," Emmett snorted back at her. "I'd snap your arm like a twig!"

"Bring it tubby! You and me, buddy! I'll go Lincoln Hawk on your ass!" Alice said.

"How much has she had to drink?" I asked Jasper, annoyed.

"She might have had an appletini," Jasper said thoughtfully. "Though I have noticed a good deal of my beer went missing."

"Emmett, you are not turning this into another arm wrestling competition!" Rose warned him. "I swear, I can't take you anywhere!"

"Babe!" Emmett whined, his pride obviously hurt.

"I could beat him," Alice grimaced sourly.

"Do you think they would notice if we slipped out the back?" Bella sighed, mortified.

"So, everyone enjoying their meal?" our way to chirpy waiter said, seeming to appear out of nowhere.

"Yeah, I'll have the steak…" Emmett began, holding up an invisible menu. The waiter looked terribly confused since Emmett already had a rather large steak in front of him.

"He doesn't need to order!" Alice interjected. "I already opened a can of whoopass on him!"

"Uh… glad to see everything is going great…I'll be back," the waiter said, slowly backing away from our table.

"This might have been a mistake," I admitted to Bella.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: The only time I've ever celebrated a birthday at a restaurant was for my mom's 30th when I was little. My kid brother and I saw the huge brownie thing with ice cream and Cool Whip and sparklers on it the the restaurant gave to birthday celebrants and, against my mother's wishes, told the staff it was her birthday because we wanted to eat it. They came out and sang for her and she was mortified. My dad thought it was hilarious so he got in trouble instead of us.**


	21. Chapter 21

**BPOV**

I suppose having the most annoying combination of friends on the planet was the universe's way of getting back at me for not just simply getting coffee with Edward but instead turning the entire outing into some big production at a semi-nice restaurant. Following six beers for him and two and a half appletinis for her, Alice and Emmett got into a slap fight across the table. It had started out as a strange arm wrestling challenge, but by the time they had a few drinks in their system, neither one of them could get beyond silly slaps and giggling.

Rose and Jasper were doing their best to rein in their significant others, but it didn't help that they couldn't back of teasing each other about the situation. Jasper thought it was hilarious that Rose's "Yankee boyfriend" couldn't hold his liquor, while Rose thought it interesting that Jasper's "pipsqueak fiancée" was a sloppy, combative drunk. Edward and I were literally stuck in the middle of the circular booth and unable to escape or to get away from the fray caused by Alice and Emmett occasionally slapping each other across the table. Being slightly giddy drunk, the two of them missed on more than one occasion. Emmett socked Edward good in the ear area and Alice gave me a decent pop in the chin.

Things didn't get any better when Emmett lied and told the wait staff it was his birthday so he could get a free foot-high chocolate lava brownie cake with ice cream. The entire restaurant was already whispering about our loud table, and the entire staff coming up and singing "Happy Birthday" to Emmett at top volume only exacerbated the situation. Emmett sang the loudest in his booming voice, shaking the flatware on the table. Then we all had to pitch in and help him eat the dessert monstrosity because Emmett said it was his birthday and we had to share in the day with him.

In an attempt to prove her arm wrestling superiority, Alice did manage to shove Emmett's face down in his big dessert when we were pretty much halfway through it. After that, Jasper decided it was probably best to take Alice home and put her to bed. Alice had other ideas, decided she wanted to fly with the birds in the parking lot. Jasper showed his prowess as a former junior rodeo champion by managing to subdue Alice, fold her hands behind her back and then toss her over his shoulder effortlessly before carrying her back to his car. Once she was secured with her seatbelt in the front seat and, for some reason, mooing at the top of her lungs, Jasper bid us all goodbye and drove off. Edward looked pretty much like he wanted to shoot himself at that point.

Even though the plan was for me to hitch a ride home with Rose and Emmett, the idea was nixed when Rose decided to take drunken Emmett home herself. Apparently, Emmett got a little flirty and childish when he had a little too much to drink. In fact, he had given Edward a big hug before getting into a loud discussion with himself about how Rose had "porn star quality boobs, but natural." So Rose figured it would be best if she played nursemaid to him at his apartment. I was a little annoyed at Rose and called her out for taking advantage of her drunken boyfriend, though she didn't care. Before I could protest or ask for an alternate plan, Rose basically informed Edward he was driving me home and there was no room for argument. Rose finally managed to lure Emmett into her car after promising him he could see her boobs later as a reward. As Rose peeled out of the parking lot, I followed Edward back to his car.

"I am really sorry how that turned out," I told Edward as he clicked the little remote to unlock our car doors. "If I had realized it would get that out of hand…"

"It's not your fault that Alice is a total lightweight," Edward shook his head as we both settled in to the car. "I think she was probably trying to take the stress off of her wedding planning as well. I'm glad Jasper's the one who has to put up with her shit now."

"Emmett usually doesn't do that," I assured Edward. "Something about red meat and beer makes him a little obnoxious and competitive."

"He doesn't seem like a mean drunk," Edward shrugged. "More like a 'I want to see my girlfriend naked' drunk, but honestly, what kind of guy isn't like that when he's drunk? Do you think Rose can handle him?"

"Oh yeah," I rolled my eyes. "Rose and Emmett are very well versed in putting each other to bed completely sloshed. Emmett usually starts acting like a five-year-old and wants Rose to read him story. Rose on the other hand… well, she's kind of a slutty drunk. I mean, she acts pretty provocative but she usually passes out before she can make good on any of the suggestions that come out of her mouth. She'll bitch him out about it in the morning, he'll buy her flowers or something and they'll be fine."

"Well, it's not too late… we could still make good on that coffee if you really wanted," Edward suggested.

"I think that would be nice," I agreed.

Finding a place to get coffee in Seattle is pretty much easier than finding hay in a haystack. Everyone usually thinks of Starbucks or Seattle's Best, but honestly the best coffee in my opinion came from the small, privately owned cafes and coffee bars that dotted practically every block of the city. We ended up at a nice little bakery just about a block from my apartment building with cups of coffee and pastries for dessert. It wasn't exactly late, but the sun was starting to go down. Other than a few people reading books, two bored baristas, a man typing furiously on his laptop, and a couple of hipster girls obviously making fun of the rest of us, Edward and I were practically alone in the place.

"This was a much better idea," I admitted to Edward.

"Pardon?" Edward suggested.

"Just getting coffee. It's much more relaxed than the whole crazy group thing I roped us into," I sighed. "I honestly don't know what I was thinking."

"Weird that Jasper and Rose are cousins," Edward said.

"Yeah. I knew Rose had a cousin from Texas living in the area, but I never met him," I said. "He was still somewhere working on his doctorate when we graduated from college, so he couldn't make it to the ceremony. Rose has hung out with him in the past, but it's been mainly family weekends with her folks and stuff."

"Jasper told us he had family in the area and that's one of the reasons he accepted the job in Seattle," Edward agreed. "But what are the odds, you know?"

"Slim, I would guess," I said before taking a sip of my coffee.

"So… do you have big plans for this weekend?" Edward asked.

"Not really. Well, other than worrying to death over whether or not Irina will like my article," I shrugged. "I mean, I was a good writer by college standards, but it's so hard to make in the real world. I'm sure Irina won't fire me or anything because I'm not a good writer or I didn't do well with the assignment, but I'd really hate for her to say that writing just isn't my calling. That would be… well, dream crushing."

"I really think you're being too hard on yourself," Edward shrugged.

"So, what are your big plans for the weekend?" I asked him.

"Working on the _Femme_ site mainly and then doing some freelancing work for the other companies I work for," Edward shrugged.

"Don't you take off time for the weekends?" I shook my head.

"Servers and websites usually don't hold off on crashing unless it's between nine to five on a weekday," Edward replied. "Besides, I sort of own and run my own business. Work is pretty much twenty-four seven if I want to make enough of a profit to have food and my own place. I would really rather not be one of those guys who still lives with his parents and works off of a computer out of their basement. And to be fair, did you honestly spend all that time you put into that article during work hours at _Femme_ or did you put in some time after work and on the weekends?"

"Touché," I agreed. "So, what are you doing once the whole _Femme_ project is complete?"

"Well, I've probably got another four to five months on it, so I haven't really thought that far ahead," Edward admitted. "I guess I'll just have to see how satisfied everyone is with the finished project and where I can go from there. Irina would be a great reference to have."

"Have you ever thought about working for a company full time? You know, just be their website guy and have sort of semi-regular hours?" I asked.

"I have, but I like this better," Edward said. "I can be more creative and I'm not stuck doing the same thing every day."

"I suppose that's why I wanted to be a writer," I admitted.

"So, what are you doing to do when Irina wants to publish your article? Do you think you'll start working full time as a writer at _Femme_ or is there somewhere else you'd want to be?" Edward asked.

"Writing for _Femme_ would be my dream job. And I'm really trying not to think about that because I don't know if Irina will even like what I've done," I shrugged.

"You're going to have to send me a text or something on Monday morning when Irina talks to you about it, you know," Edward informed me. "I really don't think I'll be able to wait until Friday to hear what she says. Impatience sort of runs in the family, I guess."

"I'll let you know," I nodded. "Of course, I'll have to tell Rose first. She's promised me some sort of big party or something, which I'm terrified will end up like tonight did. You know, drunk Emmett begging to see her boobs."

"Do a lot of nights end up like that?" Edward asked curiously.

"No. Most nights with them end up with sober Emmett wanting to see her boobs," I shrugged. "I'm sure you and your friends have much more down-to-earth evenings than I have with the two of them."

"Well…uh… not exactly," Edward coughed. "Mostly… I sort of… hang out with my sister or my parents."

"Yeah, but when you hang out with your friends…" I began.

"I really don't have that many friends," Edward said quietly.

"What do you mean?" I said, still sort of confused.

"I mean, there are people I talk to on Facebook from college… and my _World of Warcraft_ guild… but other than that…" Edward said, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. "I'm busy with work, I guess, and Alice got all the social butterfly genes… I've never exactly been good at… you know… making friends. I usually just wait for people to approach me."

"I find it hard to believe that you don't have _any_ friends," I shook my head. "I'm sure there are people outside of family you hang out with…"

"Tonight was the first night in maybe two years or so that I've really hung out with anyone outside of family," Edward shrugged. "I mean, back when I was dating my ex I used to hang out with her friends boyfriends, but honestly… I _hated _them. They were the same kind of guys who pushed me around in high school and Tanya always thought it was _my _fault we didn't get along. She always said I wasn't making enough of an effort. Because, you know, it takes a lot of effort to talk about all the times you've cheated on your girlfriend and not gotten caught or how you embezzled enough money for a new Porsche from work. Anyway, all of 'our' friends were really 'her' friends, so when we broke up, I didn't really have any friends."

"That's…" I said, not wanting to use the word 'sad' or 'pathetic' or anything else that might make him feel bad. "…not fair. You're a great person and you shouldn't let anyone, especially guys like _that_, make you feel bad. I'm sure there are plenty of people who would think you'd be a great friend…"

"You sound like my mom when I was in middle school," Edward said, pulling a face.

"Well, she was right," I said. "I think you and I have the same problem, you know."

"What's that?" Edward asked.

"We both spend so much time focusing on our careers and our work that we never get out and meet people," I surmised. "Rose tells me that all the time, that if I branched out more and opened myself up more I'd get to experience more things. Besides, making friends isn't supposed to be easy. If friendship were easy then Rose and I wouldn't be at each other's throats every other week."

"You're right," Edward admitted. "Maybe I should stop blowing off all of my sister's invites to hang out with her and Jasper and their friends. Jasper seems like a pretty cool guy, so I'm sure he's friends with some cool people."

"You know, you can hang out with Rose, Emmett and me whenever you want to," I said. "And not to sound cheesy or anything, but I'd like to think after this weird night and meeting your parents and all you can think of me as a friend."

"I would like that," Edward smiled.


	22. Chapter 22

**EPOV**

I was actually surprised the night out with Alice, Jasper and Bella's friends went as well as it did. The fact that Alice became her usual angry drunk self and beat up on Emmett and as well as Emmett ending the night with drunken ramblings about how hot his girlfriend is and wanting to see her boobs was honestly a step up from where I thought the evening might end up. Bella, too, didn't seem surprised at how things turned out though she was obviously pretty embarrassed that things ended up how they did. I was glad for her suggestion that we just get coffee afterward and go hang out together.

It really amazed me how easily conversation flowed between Bella and me. I had developed some public speaking skills through the many presentations my job required but talking one-on-one and face-to-face really bothered me still. If I was talking over the phone or through instant messaging, I was fine, but I still slipped back into some of my nerdy, awkward habits during general conversations with a single person. Things flowed much more easily with Bella, and I was glad there were no strained pauses or weird moments where something came out of my mouth that sounded different than I meant it. Furthermore, I was a little surprised but nonetheless honored that Bella suggested we could be friends. Like I had told her, I wasn't really good when it came to making the first move at relationships – whether they be friendships or otherwise – and I was glad she broached the subject first.

"You must be very brave, Bella," I said to her after our friendship was cemented over mutual sips of coffee.

"Why do you say that?" she asked curiously.

"Well, I did just admit to you a few minutes ago that I play _World of Warcraft_," I shrugged. "That sort of seems to be a turn off for a lot of people."

"What if I told you for six years starting when I was in middle school I would beg my mother to take me to the local Renaissance fair whenever I visited her during the summer?" Bella grinned. "Dressed up and everything, too. And it had to be historically accurate or I would sort of throw a fit."

"Alice made my costume for all the _Star Trek_ conventions my Dad and I went to," Edward said. "I suppose it's genetic."

"Well, you shouldn't worry then," Bella said between sips. "I mean, if your Dad is that in to _Star Trek_ and he managed to land someone like your mom, there has to be hope for you."

"I guess. Mom was a cheerleader in high school, believe it or not," Edward said. "Although, I sometimes believe Alice got most of her genes and I got most of Dad's. I think I got the passing out at the sight of blood thing from Mom, though."

"And what did Alice get from your Dad?" Bella asked. I sat back and thought a moment.

"His handwriting," Edward said. "She maybe a fashion maven, but Alice's writing has always looked like chicken scratch. Her teacher in third grade gave up trying to teach her cursive because it was impossible to read. Mom's handwriting is perfect. Mine's not too bad when I'm writing for someone else. Now, if it's a note to myself or a grocery list, it pretty much looks like hieroglyphics or Mandarin Chinese."

"Yeah, Rose says that about my handwriting, but that's more because I use my own form of shorthand I picked up in school that no one else can really understand," Bella shrugged. "You know, different abbreviations for different things."

My phone chirped and I winced, half-expecting it to be a picture from my mom of the dog. Instead, it was a photo message from Jasper indicated to me that he had gotten Alice home safely and she was now conked out on her bed. Following was a picture of Alice with unkempt hair, her shirt sliding down her shoulder and a thick line of drool from her mouth onto her pillow. I chuckled and saved the picture to show her later since I knew Jasper would be wise enough to delete any photographic evidence of Alice less than put together on his phone. As Bella looked at me curiously, I slid the phone over for her to see.

"I get the feeling your sister would not like this photo," Bella said, trying to hold back a laugh.

"Yeah, I know Jasper probably sent it so I didn't worry about him making sure Alice got home okay, but that is just priceless," I snickered.

"No more dog shots?" Bella asked me.

"I think it's past Miss Priss's bedtime now, but that hasn't stopped Mom from sending us pictures and videos of her sleeping," I replied. "It's frightening."

"The closest I've ever come to that is when Dad emailed me a picture of Rusty the police dog wearing a birthday hat because it was his birthday," Bella laughed. "They gave him a steak and sang to him. Small town cops usually don't have much to do besides bust teenagers, I guess."

"Mom apparently wanted to bring Miss Priss to the hospital to show her off to Dad's co-workers," Edward said. "Fortunately, he was able to get out of it by explaining that the dog might not be sanitary enough to bring into the hospital considering the delicate situation of many of the patients. I'm glad I don't really have an office. Alice is going to have to watch out, though. She does have one and I have a feeling Miss Priss is going to make a visit soon."

"Yeah, but the kind of people Alice works with seem like the kind of people who would really enjoy seeing a frilly dog like that, especially one all dressed up for the occasion," Bella pointed out.

"You should pitch that story idea to Irina," I laughed. "Dogs and the Women Who Dress Them."

"Oh God, our fashion girls would jump on that so quickly… it would be a mess," Bella shook her head. "And of course it would have to have a message behind it, so I can see all these women and their dogs wearing matching sweater sets and telling stories about the animals they've rescued."

"That does sound like something straight up _Femme_'s alley," I mentioned. "You should pitch that idea to Irina when you get into the office on Monday."

"I don't know if I want to be the girl who pitched the dogs wearing sweaters story," Bella pointed out.

"I think it would be a hit, especially if the animal lovers who read the magazine are anything lie my mom," I said.

"I'll think about it," Bella promised, "but if she likes it and I get roped into some sort of weird photo shoot where I have to coral corgis and clean up dog poop, I am blaming you. And I will get you back for it."

"Dually noted," I smiled.

We ended up talking for quite a while and finally, after the barista at work began annoyingly tapping her fingers on the marble counter, Bella and I realized we were the only people still in the shop and she was waiting on the two of us to leave so she could close up. We finished up the last of our cups and then headed out the door, laughing to ourselves about the annoyed looks the barista was giving us. The place was good, but I had a feeling that barista probably wouldn't want us back again anytime near closing time.

"I think that's the first time I've ever been kicked out of a place," I admitted as we headed back to my car.

"Well, I got kicked out of bars a lot in college, but that was mainly because of the guys Rose and I were dating at the time," Bella shrugged. "They'd get totally plastered, start throwing up everywhere and then we'd have to escort them out before the bartender called the cops and reported them for drunk and disorderly."

"Why would you do that?" I scoffed. "You should have just left them…"

"Well, Rose ended up married to Royce, even if it did last like two days," Bella shrugged. "And I was with Garrett rather than being lonely. I mean, Rose and Royce were all tied up in each other most of the time and it was either haul Garrett's drunk ass out of a bar at two in the morning or spend every night alone in my dorm room reading Jane Austen. Of course, you probably right. The later would have been more fun."

"How did Rose get tricked into marrying that guy?" I shook my head.

"He was very two-faced. He seemed all sweet and stuff on the outside," Bella shrugged. "It wasn't until he and Rose were alone that he tended to show his true colors. He was pretty rough with her. Left bruises more than once, but always in places no one else could see. I only saw them once myself and when I asked Rose about it, she shrugged it off as something she had done at the gym. He cheated on her a few times before they got married, but he always sweet talked her that he was just sowing his wild oats and he would stop once they got married. Then when she walked in on him after the wedding… Rose hasn't been as naïve since."

"So, how did she end up with Emmett?" I asked.

"They were both a little drunk and made out in a close at a party the firm she was interning for was throwing," Bella replied. "He was totally in love, but she just thought it was a mistake. He started showing up to her office with flowers or balloons and brought her lunch and stuff, but she totally made a fool of him every time he showed up. She wasn't going down that road again. Emmett had to work his butt off just to get her to say yes to a date and then she stood him up. But he didn't stop. I think it took her a while to realize he was pretty much Royce's opposite."

"Except for the fact that she has to take him home drunk sometimes," I replied.

"Actually, he takes her home sloshed most of the time," Bella said. "Emmett is a lightweight, so what you saw tonight is what happens to him after more than a beer and a half. And Royce was kind of an abusive drunk."

"Emmett's a cuddly drunk," I agreed, thinking about when he had tried to hug me at the restaurant earlier. If that wasn't awkward enough, he had started telling me about how amazing Rose's boobs were. That was when she decided it was time for him to come home. "But he still seems like a pretty nice guy. I can understand why Rose might put up with him."

I walked with Bella back to my car and held the door as she got in. Bella could have probably walked back to her apartment and she told me so, but since it was pretty late and dark out, I figured driving would probably be the safest option. She hummed along with my radio as we waited at the stoplight to turn onto the next block. I pulled up to her place and into a small space still available in front of her building. Bella rolled her eyes that I was getting out with her, but I couldn't help what my parents had ingrained at me from my childhood.

"You know you don't have to do this," Bella informed me as I followed behind her.

"Your dad is a cop, so I'm sure you know all the statistics about women being alone at night," I pointed out. "I'm sure he'd want someone to make sure you got home okay."

"Are you sure you want to be sounding like someone's father right now?" Bella asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Alice says I sound like Dad all the time," I shrugged. Bella laughed.

"Well, thanks Edward. I actually did have fun tonight," Bella said.

"Me too," I admitted. We were rapidly approaching that awkward moment where you are supposed to say goodbye, something I was never very good it. While I was mentally debating the best course of action for saying farewell, Bella leaned forward and wrapped me in a hug.

"Goodnight," Bella said before turning and heading into her building.

I might have garbled out something similar to "goodnight" as she disappeared before standing stunned in front of her building for a few minutes. Get a grip Edward. It's not like a pretty girl has never hugged you before. The sounds of the street brought me back to semi-consciousness and I headed back to my car before I got at ticket for staying to long in the "ten minutes or less" spot.


	23. Chapter 23

****A/N: I honestly didn't expect this would ever happen, but I got a message the other day telling me this story had been nominated for Best Emmett and Best Rosalie at the The Wordsmith Awards. You can check the awards out by going to wordsmithawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com. There are a lot of great stories that have been nominated.****

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><p><strong>B<strong>**POV**

Even if it did end up with one-third of our group falling down drunk, I had to admit Friday night was the most fun I had in a while. My friends and Edward's family really seemed to mesh well together, even if Alice and Emmett did get a little competitive after they had too much to drink. Finding out Rose was actually related to Jasper made it seem like the whole group would have gotten together eventually, even without my semi-unplanned intervention when Edward asked me out for coffee. Of course, when he asked me to have coffee with him the second time that evening, I finally did accept. Probably saying yes to him the first time would have saved a lot of stress on the part of myself and the wait staff at the restaurant who was stuck cleaning up the brownie and ice cream tower Alice and Emmett had obliterated. I had a feeling none of us would be welcome back.

The definite upside of the night was getting some one-on-one time with Edward and actually getting to know him. Sure, sometimes I would get lost in thought just staring at his sexy glasses, but he hardly seemed to notice my awkwardness. I suppose he was too preoccupied with his own. I really couldn't believe that we stayed so late at the coffeehouse that the barista had to, in effect, basically throw us out of the place so she could close up. I'd never really spent that much time just talking to another person. Edward was nice enough to again, walk me to my door, which I knew would definitely earn him points in Charlie's book. Of course, I had a feeling my dad would be ultra-skeptical of any guy who wanted to be "friends" with me. Charlie was of the opinion that guys couldn't be "just friends" with girls, especially if that girl was his daughter.

I slept in considerably on Saturday morning and was in the midst of fixing myself some lunch when Rose came through the door. She was wearing one of Emmett's shirts from high school, yoga pants, her thick glasses, and a completely blissed out expression. I didn't need to hazard a guess how she had spent the previous night and possibly a good deal of the morning. Rose probably had one of the most obvious "I just had sex" faces of anyone I had ever met.

"I guess Emmett made it home okay last night," I said as she sauntered into the kitchen.

"Oh, he made it home. Several times," Rose said with a wiggle of her eyebrows.

"You know having sex with someone when their drunk is technically rape since the alcohol has lowered their inhibitions and they aren't in the right frame of mind to be making decisions," I pointed out.

"Yeah. I'm sure if you called Emmett up he would feel totally taken advantage of," Rose snorted. "So where are you hiding Mr. Sexy Glasses?"

"Rose!" I hissed.

"What? Don't tell me you didn't get a chance to tell him how sexy you though his glasses were," Rose smirked. "I'm surprised you didn't drool on him last night."

"Hey, some of us aren't pure id. I can have desires and not act on them, thank you very much," I snorted.

"What? Did he bail on you early this morning or something?" Rose asked curiously.

"He didn't bail on me!" I said. "We didn't have sex!"

"What do you mean?" Rose asked, as if it was a completely foreign concept to her.

"We went out for coffee, talked and then he drove me back," I shook my head. "He didn't even make it into the lobby!"

"Do you mean…" Rose began.

"I mean the actual lobby of our building, not some sort of sexy metaphorical lobby," I groaned. "Edward and I are just friends!"

"And who decided that one?" Rose asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Both of us did. Last night," I said. "Apparently, Edward doesn't have very many friends."

"Well, I guess friends is a good place to start," Rose shrugged. "In the meantime, though, I really think you need to get laid. You're turning in to Bella the Bitch."

"I'd tell you to go suck Emmett's dick, but I have a feeling that's already been done," I rolled my eyes. Rose laughed and then headed off to get a shower.

The rest of the weekend went my easily enough. Emmett came over that night with takeout for the two of us as his way of apologizing for getting drunk Friday night and then spent Saturday night in Rose's room rocking her world. Sunday was a lazy day for all of us, though I was glad Emmett woke up around ten and made blueberry pancakes for us all. Nervous as hell couldn't begin to describe how I felt going into work on Monday morning. I walked in to my desk, early as usual, and started getting things ready for Irina's arrival. It was hard to behave like it was just another normal day because I knew it was the day the direction of my writing career at _Femme_ would be determined.

About fifteen minutes after I had set myself up at my desk, Irina swooped into the room. Perfectly and meticulously put together as always, she closed the smart phone she had been chatting away on and slipped it into her big purse before looking over at me with her typical "I'm tired because it's morning but I'm also a busy woman" smile.

"Bella, get yourself coffee and meet me in office," Irina said to me.

I gave her a nod as she swept into her office to get herself situated for the busy day ahead. I took probably five minutes stirring the creamer into my coffee before heading into her office myself, not sure if I wanted to hear her verdict on my writing or not

"Take seat," Irina instructed me as I carefully stepped into the room, coffee in hand. I slid into the seat, afraid of what she might have to say or even what she might not have to say about my writing. She placed the folder containing my printed story before her and placed her hands over it, ready to address me.

"Before you say anything, I just want you to know it has been an honor and a privilege to work as your assistant," I said hurriedly. "I am very glad I can be a part of the Femme family."

"Bella, you have been vonderful assistant," Irina nodded, "but I know vriting vas vhat you really vanted to do vhen you came here. Of course, you may not be able to start vright away… I vill have to have new assistant…"

"You're… firing me?" I gulped. Irina laughed.

"Bella, I vas very impressed by your story. Very impressed. And you know I do not impress as easy," Irina smiled.

"Then why are you firing me?" I said.

"I am not firing you," Irina rolled her eyes. "You get the job."

"What?" I gasped.

"You earned it," Irina replied. "Still, there are things you must know about vriting for magazine as career. Very tiresome, often long hours and vork veekends. Not all assignments glamorous. You vill start from bottom and vork vay up. Your deadlines might be much shorter."

"I can handle that," I assured her.

"This vill be published in upcoming technology issue," Irina said. "I think two months from now? Yes… I vill need a new assistant before you go vork in editorial department. I vant you to train my new assistant since you have been so competent. Vhen I am assured assistant can at least attempt to… how you say… full of your shoes?... then you may go vork in editorial department."

"Where will I be working?" I asked curiously.

"I gave article to Emily to read," Irina said. "She vill tell me vhere she thinks you best fit in."

Emily Young was the sweet but sassy managing editor for the magazine. She worked directly under Irina when it came to the editorial department and, thankfully, was pretty much the polar opposite of Leah. Even though I knew Leah always kicked ass and took names when the magazine needed her, I didn't exactly relish the idea of having someone like her as a boss. The fear of where I would end up overwhelmed me, though. I certainly didn't want to be slutting it up with Lauren and Jessica in the Love and Relationship section. I could see myself working with the tough as balls, Italian bombshell Gianna or her English counterpart Lucy. The two of them often pulled double duty as travel and international affairs writers, though most of the stories in those segments were submitted by columnists or freelancers. I didn't honestly seem myself in the Beauty and Fashion department with Carmen and Kate. That only left Health and Fitness, Technology or the Features and Advice section. Honestly, the Features section was the one I most wanted to write for since there was such a wide variety of topics we could cover.

"Did she say what she decided yet?" I asked curiously.

"She vants to meet you after lunch today to talk of finer points," Irina informed me with a wave of her hand. "I cannot exactly say I am sad to see you go since this is vhat you vanted and I am proud you have succeeded. However, I vill miss having a competent assistant such as you. I had hard time before and I vorry I vill never have one as good as you have been."

"I really appreciate that," I said. "And honestly, I just can't thank you enough for this…"

"Thank me by doing your job vell," Irina replied.

She dismissed me to go back to my regular duties for the morning, and I emailed both of my parents to let them know about my promotion. Mom sent a reply back talking about how my horoscope had been looking very good for my career path lately. Dad sent me an email back saying congratulations and reminding me that the local Clallam County News had an option position for an obit clerk if I wanted to move back home. I rolled my eyes at that one, knowing the best job I could get at the paper there was either as the obit clerk or typing up the timber reports for the area.

I called Rose to squeal with her about the new job over my coffee break. Rose then had to report back to her boss with some sort of important file for the case. She would be taking the bar exam in a few weeks and I knew when she wasn't studying she was working her ass off in the hopes that her internship might turn into a position at the firm. I was about to head back to my desk when I remembered my promise to Edward Friday night to let him know how things had turned out. I quickly dialed his number, the butterflies in my stomach making me want to hang up as soon as I heard his voice like we were in middle school or something.

"Hello? Bella?" Edward said.

"Hi..uh.. yeah… it's me… Bella," I said.

"Good. Otherwise, someone is either prank calling me from your phone or it was stolen," Edward laughed.

"I got it," I said.

"The job?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said. "Irina said that I'll probably start in a couple of months. She wants me to help her train her new assistant. I'm meeting with the managing editor after lunch to discuss which section I'll be working for."

"Congrats, though I'm sure we all knew you'd get it," Edward said.

"Thanks," I said.

"So, what are you doing to celebrate?" Edward asked. "I'm sure Rose has something up her sleeve…"

"I don't know… she's pretty stressed out what with the bar exam coming up and this big case the firm is working on," I sighed.

"Don't worry about," Edward said.

"Well, I probably better get back to work," I said.

"Yeah, I have a game of Angry Birds paused," Edward laughed.

"Jealous," I snorted.

"The beauty of being self-employed," Edward said. "I get to stay at home and play video games. But let me tell you, the health insurance sucks."

"You have a doctor for a father," I pointed out.

"That's probably the only reason I can afford to do this on my own," Edward shrugged. "I guess I'll talk to you later.,.."

"Uh…okay," I said. There was a weird pause. "This is usually the point where we are supposed to say goodbye, right?"

"Yeah," Edward agreed. "I think so."

"Well?" Bella said.

"Uh, bye," Edward said before clicking off his phone.

I returned to my desk after that and finished up my remaining tasks for the morning then had a quick lunch. I was very eager to meet with Emily, who was very much Irina's protégé. Emily was on the younger side of thirty and definitely being groomed to take Irina's place one day. Of course, the one lesson Irina couldn't seem to get Emily to master was giving anyone anything but her famous sweetheart smile. I had never seen Emily scowl or frown, even when dealing with some pretty rough people and situations. I was getting ready to head over to her office and meet up with her when I looked up to see Emily walking into the room.

"Hey, Bella," Emily smiled, "I figured it would be easier for me to come to you considering how hectic things are in editorial right now. Deadlines are coming in and everyone is acting a little bit more swamped than they probably are."

"I understand," I nodded, taking a seat back at my desk as Emily adjusted herself onto the couch typically reserved for those waiting for Irina.

"Irina let me review your article after she read it over the weekend and I was just as impressed as she was with the quality of writing," Emily said. "I know you wanted to write initially when you came on board at Femme, but there was the issue of experience and the fact that there were no writing jobs available at the time. Now, the economy has only improved our industry slightly. However, we knew we would probably need a new writer coming up in a few months with the web site launch and I much prefer to promote from in house."

"So, what does my new job have to do with the website?" I asked.

"Since you've been in the meetings, I'm sure you know we are working on some online exclusive content for the site," Emily explained. "That means everyone's workload will increase a little bit to put some teasers and extra stories on the site to keep up reader interest. The online stories won't be as large as the articles appearing in the magazine, but there will still need to be some fresh content. In addition to your magazine assignments, you will probably have to write four or five short things for the website. All of the editors will be doing blogs, so thankfully you don't have to worry about that."

"I'm sure I can handle it all," I said.

"Oh, if you can handle the things that attempt to get into Irina's office, I'm sure you can handle this," Emily laughed. "Now, at the beginning I think you should start out with Victoria, Kristie and Kim in our Featuers and Advice section. I'm sure you know Kristie and Kim co-write the advice page and do other stories. Victoria is the section editor. I think it would be a good place for you to get your feet wet with some small stuff. If you find yourself pitching tons of health-related stories or relationship-related stories, you may decide you want to take a crack at another section."

"That sounds very reasonable," I nodded.

"I'm going to let Victoria know and she will probably set a meeting up with you later this week to discuss initial assignments," Emily said. "Your first one will be coming out during the June issue in a few months. I'm not sure if it will end up in technology or in the relationship section. It will depend on who has the least content coming up for that issue. The June magazine will be going to print sometime in early May. You probably won't be officially working as a full-time writer for us until around mid-to-late June, so I'll have Victoria working on a few late summer or fall ideas for you to write about…"

"Thank you so much," I said to her. "I really appreciate this opportunity and I intend to work as hard as I can."

I went about the rest of my day and then headed out of the building to head back home. I was in the lobby of the building when my phone began to buzz. I looked down at it, puzzled as to why Alice Cullen of all people would be calling me as I was leaving work. I had her number from doing the article, but after that, I really didn't think there would be much reason for the two of us to be talking with each other. I answered the phone and said an awkward hello, wondering what was going on.

"Hey! I'm in the yellow Volkswagen outside!" Alice said chipperly. "I'm going to take you by your place to get dressed and then we're going to head out."

"Uh, head out where?" I asked nervously.

"To celebrate your promotion silly!" Alice laughed. "Now, hurry up. I don't know what we've got to work with in your closet, so this could take some time!" I headed out of the building to find Alice illegally parked and waving at me happily. I slid into her car still baffled but not wanting her to get towed or a ticket or anything.

"What's going on?" I asked her as she whipped back into the traffic.

"You'll see!" she sing-songed. Somehow, I got the feeling that I had just walked into the open arms of a kidnapper.


	24. Chapter 24

**EPOV**

"So…uh… Did Alice say where they are?" I asked Jasper for probably the sixth time in five minutes. He rolled his eyes and checked his phone again just to humor me.

"She said they'll be here soon," Jasper said. "Apparently, and I quote 'Bella's closet is a disaster.' Alice is apparently forcing her to donate most of it and then taking her shopping sometime."

"That won't end well," I grimaced.

"You tell Alice that," Jasper snorted. He looked across the room and waved over Rose and Emmett, who I noticed had just gotten into the place. Rushing over to us, Rose gave Jasper a big hug and then turned and gave me one as well. I wasn't exactly prepared for the display of affection and sort of just patted her on the back.

"Seriously, Edward, thank you for putting this together for Bella last minute," Rose sighed. "I've been a shitty best friend lately. I'm just so swamped with work and…"

"Bella told me," I nodded. "And it's understandable. You've got a lot on your plate."

"Well, I'm glad that when I dropped the ball there was someone else there who cared enough about Bella to put this shindig together," Rose smiled. "She's worked hard for that job. She deserves to celebrate."

"Dude, how did you know about this place?" Emmett boomed. "I didn't you were the guy who kept tabs on the 'it' clubs in Seattle."

"Alice told me about it," I admitted sheepishly. "She said a lot of her brides stop off here first for dancing and drinks during their bachelorette parties."

"And where do they go next?" Emmett asked curiously.

"Bananas," Jasper said, coolly taking a sip of his beer. "It's an all-male stripper review."

"I vote we end the night here," Emmett said seriously.

"Yeah, well I think that should be up to Bella," Rose smirked.

Rose then turned to Jasper and the two of them began badmouthing a mutual cousin who was planning an extravagant wedding to a guy old enough to be her father. After giving me a fist bump, Emmett went about the task of getting himself and Rose something to drink. I sat back against the bar, feeling a little uncomfortable in the room where a bunch of sweating bodies were grinding up on each other to music I didn't particularly like. I almost thought there was something up with my glasses when Bella and Alice finally made their way through the door.

I meant to give my sister one of those silent "What took you so long" glares, but I was utterly distracted. Alice had somehow gotten Bella into the tightest, most curve-hugging blue dress I had ever seen in my life. I honestly looked painted on her. Though the sleeves came down to her elbow, the neckline came down to just above the danger zone while the skirt was just a little above the knee. Bella seemed to be hanging on to Alice for dear life, struggling to make it down the front steps in the huge heels Alice had managed to get on her feet. As soon as she saw us, Bella let go from Alice and rushed over.

"My, my someone's looking good tonight," Emmett chortled. "Seriously, Bells, did all your sweatpants burn up in a fire or something?"

"Shut it," Bella warned him.

"Congrats!" Rose squealed, giving Bella a big hug. "You deserve it! I'm so proud of you!"

"Thanks," Bella smiled, hugging Bella back. "And thanks for doing this…"

"Oh, no, this was all Edward," Rose said with a weird movement of her eyebrow. Emmett seemed to be doing the same move with his furry brows as well. Bella, however, was focused on me.

"Well, she's right," I said awkwardly. "I mean, you did work really hard and you've earned it. I just thought it would be nice if you could celebrate with your friends, and…" Before I could finish, Bella had pulled me into a full on embrace. I had to admit, the fact that the fabric of her dress was rather thin was definitely a plus to the hug.

"Thank you," Bella said, pulling back with a smile on her face.

"Hey, this is what friends do, right?" I shrugged. Bella laughed and gave me a hug again.

"Come on, Jazzie! Let's dance!" Alice said, pulling him out onto the floor.

"Oh no, me and Rosie will show you two how it's done!" Emmett called out, pulling Rose behind him. Bella laughed, watching the four of them break out into their own mini dance competition before turning back to me.

"You know, this is nice and all, but I sort of could have done without your sister kidnapping me and raiding my closet for something 'actually fashionable.' Apparently, I have no clothes and have to go shopping with her," Bella informed me.

"I just told her to distract you for a little while," I sighed. "I didn't think she'd try and give you a makeover… though… you really do look…uh stunning."

"Stunning?" Bella laughed.

"Well, I am getting a lot of jealous looks right about now," I shrugged. It made me uncomfortable seeing the other guys who now had their eyes on Bella. I couldn't exactly put my finger on why, but it made me pretty pissed that all these guys were looking at her like she was something to eat. None of them probably had any respect for her. None of them would treat her like a lady.

"I still don't know how she fit me into this thing," Bella sighed. "Rose bought it for me years ago, but I never really felt confident enough to wear it. I learned quickly how hard it is to say no to your sister, though."

"Sorry, and I honestly didn't think she would take so long," I admitted.

"Most of the time was spent with Alice touching up her roots in my bathroom," Bella shrugged. "Why does she dye her hair anyway?"

"Promise not to tell?" I grinned.

"Sure," Bella shrugged.

"Alice is naturally a ginger," I told her.

"So what? You have red hair and you don't have a complex about it," Bella shrugged.

"Honestly, Bella, if you could describe my hair, what color would you call it?" I asked her. She looked at it for a minute.

"A coppery auburn I guess, sort of like your mother's but a little lighter," Bella said.

"Yeah, Alice's hair? It's bright, ungodly red," I explained. "I am talking an unnatural, Miss Frizzle from the Magic School Bus red. Fire engine red. Gingers have no soul red. She was born with a huge tuft of it and always hated it. She cut off all of her hair when she was three because she hated it. She was pretty much teased constantly in elementary school. As soon as she got her hands on some hair dye, she never looked back."

"Wow," Bella said with a slight laugh.

"I don't know if Jasper's ever actually seen her real hair," I admitted. "Though Mom has shown him baby pictures…"

"And she carries her hair dye around with her," Bella shook her head. "I was surprised when she just pulled it out of her purse."

"It's one of her essentials," I nodded. "She can't let anyone see any hint of her natural hair color. I mean, it's obvious she dyes it since the black dye she uses has a sort of purple tint to it, but she refuses to tell people what color it really is. Sometimes, she'll even lie and say it was blonde like Dad's but she got sick of being called a 'dumb blonde.' Mom and Dad just learned to accept it. She started dying her hair at a sleepover and they can't make her stop."

"I can understand why she might feel self-conscious," Bella shrugged, running her fingers a little through my hair. "I mean, I'd be jealous if I had an older brother with your color hair. If you were a girl, Irina would probably want you to model. Heck, she might ask you to pose with some of the girls."

"Not going to happen," I shook his head, sort of relishing the feel of Bella's hands in my hair. "Besides the fact that I would be so nervous I would throw up, I probably wouldn't be able to be still that long."

"So…uh… you wanna dance?" Bella asked, looking up at me through her lashes. I looked around at the couples basically dry humping on the floor and my throat went dry. To tell the truth, I really couldn't dance and I didn't want to embarrass myself or Bella for being seen with me. However, this was supposed to be her night to celebrate.

"Oh…okay," I conceded.

We were out on the floor of a grand total of three seconds before I felt my palms starting to sweat and the contents of my stomach rising up my throat. Bella had her hands intertwined with mine and smiled at me, but I was still nervous, comparing to the guys grinding up on girls who looked like they were professional dancers from a rap video. I could waltz and sort of remembered my mom teaching me how to fox trot, but this was out of my element. I could easily see how this night could go badly from this point on.

"I used to be really self-conscious about dancing," Bella told me. "I have two left feet to be honest with you, but Rose was really great about bringing me out of my shell. She said just do what feels good to the rhythm of the music and don't care about what other people think."

"Good advice," I said, attempting to swallow despite the dryness of my throat.

"How about you just follow my lead?" Bella smiled. "I'll try not to trip and make us knock everyone over."

"I think that's a good idea," I nodded.

Bella positioned my hands for me, putting them both on her hips as she reached up and locked her arms behind my neck. I wasn't sure what to do at first but as Bella began to gently sway back and forth to the rhythm of the beat, I began to mimic her movements. After sensing that I had gotten comfortable on the dance floor, Bella started to put some more flourishes into her movements. I figured out the best move for me was just to stand there and let Bella move around me. I felt a little bit like a stripper pole, but I couldn't say I felt bad about that. I had a hard time believing Bella was actually as clumsy as she made out to be, but I did end up having to stop her from slipping and falling two or three times. I tried to manage catching her gracefully and make it look like the entire thing was planned or something. Bella giggled and, after a few songs, she pulled me back off the floor.

"That went much better than I expected," I admitted to Bella once we were free from the floor. She laughed.

"You're not bad," Bella insisted. "You wanna get something to drink?"

"Yeah, watching you dance was exhausting," I nodded. Bella laughed again and I blushed, not realizing that I had the ability to be funny.

Bella ordered some big fruity drink and I got another beer, the two of us settling into seats next to each other at the bar. While we waited on our drinks I looked for our friends on the floor. Rose was sexy dancing while Emmett was doing his usual goofball moves beside her. They kind of reminded me of the opening scenes of _Knocked Up_ and when I said this to Bella over the crowd, she laughed and said Rose and Emmett were told that a lot. Jasper and Alice were in another corner of the room and I quickly changed my direction of focus when I saw Alice grinding up on him. Not guy wants to see his baby sister in that situation.

"Whoa… I hope your sister and Jasper don't dance like that during their wedding reception," Bella laughed. "My give your dad a heart attack or something…"

"It's giving me one right now," I snorted.

"To be fair, Jasper was giving Emmett the stink eye for some of his dance moves with Rose a few minutes ago," Bella shrugged. I laughed as the bartender brought over our drinks. Bella made a fish face as she took the initial sip from hers, the taste apparently much more tangy than she was expecting. She tossed back her hair and then looked back at me. "Thanks for putting this together for me. I really appreciate it. It's good to know I have people who really care about me."

"Hey, you deserve it," I shrugged. Bella chugged her drink really fast and I tried to swallow as much of mine as I could.

"Come on," Bella said with a grin. "Let's show those losers how it's done."


	25. Chapter 25

**BPOV**

It only took a couple of shots after I got to the bar and one Pink Panty Dropper to get me back on the dance floor and grinding up on Edward like we were in a gansta rap video. I didn't know why Rose swore by those cocktails until I looked them up the next morning only to realize it was a combination of tequila, Everclear and pink lemonade. It was a wonder I didn't pass out after one. Edward seemed to take it in stride, though I admit I know very few guys who would just be shocked, outraged and disgusted if a girl started rubbing up on them like a dog in heat on the dance floor. I was thankful Edward was enough of a gentleman to not let me bust my ass on the floor and when I began to stumble around a bit, he pulled me back off the floor for "a breather." He then made sure I had plenty of water while Emmett teased me about being a lightweight.

By eleven thirty, Rose was hammered and trying to slut it up for Emmett. She took off her bra at the bar, stuffed it down Emmett's pants and said: "There's more where that came from, big guy." That signaled to Emmett it was time to get her home for the evening before she started taking off more articles of clothing. He told me he was taking her back to his place since it was closer, and promised to send me a text so I would know she was safe for the night. One of the things I most respected about Emmett is that he always wanted to make sure Rose got home okay, and that I knew where she was in case she wasn't coming home to our place that night.

Alice and Jasper then had to leave because one of Jasper's students spied him at the club and wanted to talk about the class. Apparently, the kid didn't understand why he was getting a D and thought being in a fraternity automatically meant professors had to give you at least a B- on everything. Jasper tried to explain to him that his assignment was a paper on all-black units in the Civil War, not on how "badass Denzel Washington and Morgan Freeman were in 'Glory.'" Then the kid said "It's not like the outcome of the Civil War was even important" and Alice had to escort Jasper out of the building before his head exploded or he went on a murder spree.

"I have a feeling that kid's grade is now an F," Edward said as Alice physically pulled Jasper out of the club. Jasper's eyes were huge and dark and he pretty much looked like he wanted to drain the kid's soul or something. "Maybe less than an F. What can you get that's lower than an F?"

"Could Jasper get in trouble for punching a student, even if it's off campus?" I asked curiously.

"I don't want to find out," Edward shook his head. He looked around the room and then back to me. "And then there were two, I guess."

"Who knew we were the most hardcore out of the group, huh?" I giggled. The Pink Pantry Dropper had definitely lifted my inhibitions. "I mean, every time we've been out, you and I are the only ones who can keep up the party, you know? They're just lame."

"Yeah. You're only allowed water for the rest of the night," Edward laughed.

"Hey, at least I'm not slutty drunk like Rose," I snorted. "I haven't taken any of my clothes of yet, thank you very much."

"Yet?" Edward gulped.

"I guess I don't have much of a filter after a couple of drinks," I shrugged. "So, you wanna dance some more? I bet there are some chicks out there who would totally like to sexy dance with you…"

"Yeah, but after seeing you sexy dance with me, they'd probably think I was taken," I admitted.

"Eh, you're right," I nodded. "Besides, all the guys here are butt ugly and there is no way I'm letting you go home with some hot chick and me go home alone. Nuh-uh. This is _my _night."

"Maybe we should get you some coffee on the way home," Edward remarked.

"Probably," I sighed. "Do you think if I walk into work hungover and with raccoon eyes tomorrow Irina will feel as though she's done her job getting me out of my shell? I have this vision of her saying something like 'you've learned well, my young Padawan,' but in her accent, you know. I can't do it. I can't do a Russian accent."

"It's okay that you can't do a Russian accent," Edward said, apparently trying to calm me down. "You know, I should probably get you home, too. You have to wake up pretty early to get to work, right?"

"Can I do like…two more shots?" I asked him.

"If I let you do that you'll hate yourself and then me in the morning," Edward shook his head.

"You're so good," I said, throwing my arms around him. "You're like my own personal Chimney Cricket."

"Uh… you mean Jiminy Cricket?" Edward said.

"Are you questioning my Disney knowledge?" I huffed.

"Bella, I hate to break it to you, but his name is Jiminy Cricket," Edward assured me. "You can Google it when you're sober."

"I'll do it right now!" I said, pulling out my phone. Edward held his head in his hands as I typed quickly on my keypad. Furiously, I looked up at him. "You ruined my childhood Edward."

"Yeah, you need to get home," Edward said.

I have to admit, Edward was pretty good about hauling my sort of drunk ass home. I could still walk straight and think pretty coherently, but I had no verbal filter. Anything I thought came straight out of my head. I told Edward that his hair was pretty and his eyes were green like shiny emeralds and then proclaimed "Bohemian Rhapsody" was my favorite song before belting it out along with the car radio. Edward didn't seem to mind that last one though, helping me with all the voices and singing along. Finally, we got to my building and Edward insisted on parking the car and walking me up to my door.

"You usually only see me to the lobby," I pointed out as I pushed the button in the elevator.

"I usually don't have to worry about you accidentally going to the wrong floor or passing out in a janitor's closet or something," Edward pointed out.

"You win this round," I snorted. "I'm going to be pissed at myself tomorrow, aren't I?"

"Well, at least you had a good time, tonight right?" Edward shrugged.

"The best!" I said throwing my arms around him and giving him a big bear hug. "You're the best, you know? Planning all this for me…"

"It's the least I could do," Edward shrugged. "I mean, I'm trying to be a good friend and all. I guess that's part of it, right?"

"You're a great friend, Edward," I nodded. "It's too bad you don't let more people see that."

The elevator dinged open and I yanked Edward into the hall with me, pulling him down to my apartment door like I kid might pull their parent into a toy store. Edward didn't seem to mind, though he did have a bit of a hard time keeping up with me. I always had a lot of energy after a few drinks. Rose thought I could win a gold medal for track and field if they allowed me a couple of shots before competing. We finally stopped at my door where Edward paused to catch his breath and possibly put his arm back in its socket.

"I'll send you a text when I get home, okay?" Edward said.

"Sure," I grinned. "And I'll see you Friday, right?"

"Of course," Edward nodded. "Let me know how the meeting with your new section editor goes."

"I will," I agreed. "And if you need anyone to complain to about your sister's crazy wedding stuff, I'm your girl!"

"Got it," Edward laughed.

If things in my life were ever easy, the night would have probably ended right there. We would have said our goodbyes. I would have gone into my apartment, maybe taken a shower and gotten ready for bed and to sleep off my hangover. Edward probably would have gone home and done whatever his nightly routine is. Everything would have pretty much gone on as it always had. Of course I, Bella Swan, can never do anything the easy way or the graceful way. So, instead of just thanking Edward for taking me home safely, I leant forward and kissed him, full on the mouth, possibly with tongue. I'm still fuzzy on that part.

Since I was buzzed, it took a few seconds for my brain to catch up with the rest of me and, after sucking on his bottom lip some and possibly feeling up his tongue with my own, I realized that I was in the hallway kissing him. It was probably the most sobering feeling in the world. Instantly, I jerked back, said a hurried goodnight and rushed into the apartment. I saw enough to find Edward had a sort of dazed look on my face but I didn't stick around to see his reaction after that. For all I knew, he stood out my apartment in a frozen, shocked state for the rest of the night. Still slightly toasted, I readied for bed and went to sleep.

It wasn't until the head-pounding hangover set in the next morning that I really realized what had happened. I woke up, glanced around my room and then the entire evening came rushing back to me like a PSTD flash back. I had kissed Edward. Quite possibly with tongue. And no lie, he was a good kisser even if he didn't seem to realize what was going on. I groaned and tried to smother myself to death with my pillow. When that didn't work, I did the next best thing and called Rose.

"Son of a bitch! Who turned my ringtone up that loud?" Rose shrieked upon answering the phone.

"I kissed Edward!" I shrieked at her.

"Wait? What?" Rose said.

"I had some shots and a Pantry Dropper and I kissed Edward and then ran inside like a scared little girl," I moaned.

"Shit," Rose groaned. "Emmett better be making his mother's hangover cure because I am not ready for this."

"I have to see him later this week!" I moaned. "What am I gonna do?"

"Was he good?" Rose asked curiously.

"Yeah," I admitted sheepishly, "but seriously, I'm mortified. I mean, I'm not the type of girl who goes around kissing guys when she's drunk!"

"Bells, every girl is the kind of girl who goes around kissing guys when she's drunk," Rose snorted. "Just be glad you knew who he was."

"What do I do? Do I text him or call him or do I wait for him to call me back?" I groaned. "And what do I say? I mean, they don't exactly make a Hallmark card for 'Sorry I molested your mouth when I was drunk!'"

"Hey, maybe he liked it," Rose said.

"But what if I'm not ready for him to like it?" I pouted.

"My God, Bella," Rose groaned. "You're all pissy because you can't find a boyfriend and then you meet a guy whose glasses give you nerdgasms, who's a great kisser with his own business and super rich parents and you're too afraid to make a move! Put on your big girl panties and deal with it!"

"Okay," I frowned, "but not today. I'm still hung over."

"Fine, give it a day, but you need to call him," Rose said. "Use the time to figure out what exactly you want. The last thing that poor boy needs is whiplash."

"But what if he doesn't like me like that?" I pouted.

"Then he's an asshole or gay," Rose said. "Emmett, if you put onions in my omelet, I swear on all things holy I will throw up!" She groaned and turned her focus back to me. "I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Okay," I sighed.

I took Rose's advice and tried to think about what I wanted from Edward or what he might want from me. Finally, I just decided to feel out his reaction and see where to go from there. I called him on Wednesday, but it went straight to voice mail. By Thursday, several texts and a couple of voice mails were still left unreturned. I contemplated asking Alice to get in touch with him for me, but I didn't want to seem desperate. Instead, I opted to wait until Friday. Talking to him one-on-one after the meeting seemed like a good idea, especially since I kind of wanted to know why he was avoiding me.

However, when Friday rolled around Irina informed me the website meeting would have to be moved to Monday. Edward apparently needed to reschedule due to a "family emergency." I called him again, only to receive the message that his voice mail box was full. It all seemed like Edward and I were headed down a path very familiar to me. I was starting to feel like maybe I had tricked myself into seeing something that wasn't there or that, yet again, I had been played for a fool.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: It's not as bad as it seems. Edward has some 'splanning to do, I agree, but you'll see on Wednesday how Awkward Edward had another week of plain bad luck. Also, Happy Mother's Day, especially to my mother who is disgruntled that her birthday and mother's day are within a day of each other.**


	26. Chapter 26

**EPOV**

I had to say earning a French kiss from a hot, albeit slightly buzzed girl was pretty much the highlight of my week. It was all I could hope that Bella didn't wake up the following morning and feel like she had done something incredibly stupid and never want to talk to me ever again. To be honest, that had happened before. I had gone on a few dates set up by my sister where I thought the date had gone well, but the next day the girl thought I was stalking her when I called her the next day to ask her out again. I decided to play it cool this time, maybe hoping that would make sure I didn't jinx things this time around.

However, after making sure Bella got in to her apartment, I wasn't really thinking about future consequences. Heading home Tuesday night, my life was pretty much the chorus from that song about walking on sunshine my mom used to play all the time when Alice and I were growing up. It was more action than I'd gotten in months, and it really seemed that things were looking up for me. Unfortunately, the only place my week had to go from there was down.

Tuesday morning I woke up to a flurry of text messages from Alice. Apparently, someone had contacted her about throwing a baby shower for their friend. Alice had been trying to get into the baby shower market with her business. She did weddings, engagement parties and had done the occasional birthday party for an adult, but Alice was convinced there was also real money in baby showers as well. She had been trying to break into the market for a while and this would be the first one she ever got to throw. I was excited for her and gave her the best of luck as she went to meet the client that afternoon.

I had a few meetings that morning, both of which were on opposite ends of town from each other and my apartment. I was exhausted by lunchtime and thought for a moment about calling Bella. Then again, I didn't want to be too forward not to mention I wasn't sure if Bella was on lunch break or if I would be disrupting her at work. I had no doubt she would be busy since she had her new promotion to contend with as well as finishing up the duties of her old job. I slid my phone back into my pocket and then grabbed some lunch at Dick's Drive-In before heading back to my apartment to actually get some work done for the rest of the day.

About two in the afternoon, my phone started to buzz and I anxiously picked it up, hoping to see a text message from Bella. I was not only disappointed but slightly sickened to see Miss Priss dressed up in a baby bonnet with the message "Isn't Mamma's little girl cute? ;)" from my mother. The dog looked pretty angry underneath the floppy pink baby bonnet, which I was almost positive had belonged to Alice at one point. I typed some bland message back about how I hoped Mom and the dog were having fun. My phone buzzed again and this time it was a text a call from Jasper.

"Does your dad know your mom does that to the dog?" Jasper said. "I'd hate for him to lose his medical license or something because someone calls the ASPCA on your mom for cruel and unusual treatment of a pet."

"Maybe that's just mom's way of letting you and Alice know she wants grandchildren," I replied back.

"She's not getting anywhere near them if she dressed them up like that," Jasper snorted.

"Yeah, you should see Alice's baby book," I snorted.

"Like the pictures of her when she was a kid?" Jasper said.

"No. It's her scrapbook of all the things she wants to buy when she has a baby, names and stuff like that," I said. "I'm sure you've seen the wedding book. I think she started making that one at twelve. I'm actually surprised she doesn't have a husband book for all the qualities she wants in a guy, but that might be in the back of the wedding book somewhere."

"Nah, she's probably just got a page with my picture on it there somewhere," Jasper replied cheekily.

"Whatever," I snorted. "How has the baby shower thing gone for her, by the way?"

"Don't know," Jasper said. "She's not back yet, so I'm thinking it must have gone well if the meeting is lasting this long. Then again, she was doing some wedding stuff this afternoon, so that might be what is taking so long. I'd text her or something to make sure she's okay, but I don't want to risk it if she's wedding shopping. She'll start asking me a bunch of questions about a bunch of crap I don't understand and then get mad when I don't have an opinion. Did you know women have like twenty-eight different names for the color white? Ivory, bone, lace… What is that shit? It all looks white to me."

"I could probably give you a good twenty hexadecimal values for white, but I don't know the actual color names," I admitted. "I probably should since mom has probably twenty-million paint color swatches for her interior design business. I'm surprised memorizing color names wasn't something we were required to do as kids. I guess that is where Alice got it from."

"At this point, I'm just doing what she tells me to," Jasper sighed. 

"Excellent plan, though Alice has the potential to get you into trouble you never envisioned," I reminded him. "She's been like that since she was little."

"Hey, you aren't talking me out of marrying your sister now," Jasper snorted. "I already dealt with your dad staring me down and giving me a thirty-minute lecture about how precious his baby girl is to him. I have a feeling that man knows several ways to discreetly kill me in ways a medical examiner would never discover, so I'm not crossing him now."

"Dad tried to threaten you into not marrying Alice?" I said, surprised.

"No, he told me if she agreed to marry her I better be the best damn husband ever and do whatever she said two hundred percent," Jasper said. "Apparently, if Alice gives him the slightest inclination she's unhappy, I'm most likely screwed."

"I'm sure that was just to scare you," I shook my head. "Even dad knows that Alice has to be reined in every once in a while and if you said yes to everything she wants, you'll end up bankrupt."

"Well, I should probably get back to grading exams, even though it makes me weep for the future of our country," Jasper sighed.

"When you hear back from Alice, tell her to call me," I said. "I want to know how her meeting went this afternoon."

"I'll let her know," Jasper agreed.

I went back to my work, spending it equally between the code for the new _Femme_ sight and a few of the other projects I was working on at the time. I ended up so into my work that I didn't even realize how late it was until my stomach began to rumble. After fishing some leftover pizza out of the fridge, I went back to work. I figured it would be another long night of me sitting up and trying to complete projects before my deadline. It wasn't that any of the deadlines were pressing but rather the sooner that I got a project finished, the sooner I could take on another project and earn some more money so my bank account didn't end up completely empty. I ended up crashing on the couch and falling asleep around one in the morning.

My alarm on my phone was still set and so I woke up again around eight that morning, grabbing a quick bowl of Cocoa Pebbles before showering and getting back to work yet again. I was working really hard to get everything done before my meeting at _Femme_ on Friday and almost didn't notice when my phone began to buzz around ten. It was Alice and I suddenly remembered that Alice had never called me back the day before to report on her new foray into the baby shower business. I picked it up, knowing Alice would probably just stop by my place and interrupt me that way if I didn't take a few moments to talk to her now.

"Hey, Ali, what's up?" I asked her. Alice didn't immediately respond in her usual, chipper demeanor, making me worry instantly. "Is everything alright?"

"Sorry I didn't call you yesterday when I got home," Alice said. "In fact, I was up half the night debating on how to tell you this…"

"Just tell me, Alice," I snorted. "I'm sure whatever it is can't be that bad…"

"I just… maybe this would be easier if I tell you in person," Alice sighed.

"Alice," I moaned.

"Seriously, I feel weird talking about this casually over the phone," Alice said.

"How long until you can be here?" I asked with a sigh.

"I'm in your lobby right now," Alice admitted.

"Come on up," I chuckled slightly.

Within a few minutes, Alice was knocking my door and I let her in. She scrunched her nose at the general disarray of my apartment. For a woman with a whirlwind personality and a pretty chaotic business, Alice is the biggest neat freak. She has never understood my penchant for cleaning things so they are "just good enough." I sheepishly tossed a few pairs of boxers into the hamper and then cleaned some of the empty beer and soda cans while Alice made herself comfortable on one of the lumpy chairs she and mom had picked out for my apartment. I flopped back down on the couch across from her.

"What is it? I'm sure it can't be that bad," I shrugged.

"Well, I went to the meeting for the baby shower yesterday…" Alice began.

"Did it go well? I bet you landed it," I said.

"I didn't take the job," Alice replied.

"What? Why not?" I said, surprised.

"I just… I morally didn't feel like I could," Alice said.

"Why? Was it for a pregnant teenager or something?" I asked. "Or is the father married to another woman or something?"

"The mom came along for the planning," Alice said. "She… God… I'll just come out and say it. The mother-to-be was Tanya."

"Wait… what?" I gaped.

"Yeah. I didn't recognize the voice on the phone. It was one of her sorority sisters who still had my card from some event of mine they had gone to," Alice sighed. "I don't know if you saw it in the paper a few months ago but…"

"Tanya got married to some rich bastard. Yeah, I saw," I grimaced. "Big business guy. Lot's a money. Kind of money a doctor would make, right?"

"Edward, I'm sure you choosing to do something professionally you enjoy rather than becoming a doctor wasn't why your relationship with Tanya ended," Alice shook her head.

"No, she broke up with me because I wasn't 'good enough' for her," I snorted. "I guess I didn't make enough money, wasn't good looking enough, and couldn't offer her all the things she wanted, right? I mean, she straight out told me she wasn't the type of woman who got married, settled down and had kids, but here she is, perfectly settled down and popping one out with this loser."

"She's a bitch, Edward," Alice insisted. "This has nothing on you. This is exactly why I was afraid of telling you this."

"I can't help it," I admitted to Alice. "I mean, she was a total bitch the way she left me. Our entire relationship was about her and what she wanted and whatever I wanted got shot down. Now, here she is and she has everything I wanted, all the things I wanted to accomplish in my life that she said were stupid and I don't have any of that. It sucks. And it makes me wonder if…. well, you know, if I was the faulty part of the equation."

"What on earth are you talking about?" Alice wanted to know.

"Well, maybe it wasn't that Tanya didn't want the whole marriage and family and picket fence," I shrugged. "Maybe it was just she didn't want it with me. Maybe I'm that wasn't good enough. I guess she found someone better and settled down with him."

"More likely he knocked her up and they were forced to get married," Alice harrumphed. "Look at the facts. They got married a little over a month ago and Tanya was supposedly four months pregnant today when she came to plan for her shower. That screams she and her new husband got preggers and, rather than risk detriment to careers and family names, they got hitched. They'll probably pass the thing off as premature or something. And I feel sorry for the kid. It's got a lifetime of being Tanya's own personal living, breathing human accessory. I mean, the only reason why women like Tanya have kids is so they can show them off and brag about them to their friends."

"I'm going to be twenty-eight this year, Ali. That's almost thirty," I sighed. "And what do I have to show for it? I have a highly unpredictable job that leaves me almost in debt every month, a one bedroom apartment…"

"It would be two if you didn't insist on turning the other into your office," Alice interjected.

"…and that's it. No security. No concrete relationships outside of you and our parents," I sighed. "Not to mention you're supposed to be my baby sister but you're already on the fast track to everything."

"Hardly," Alice snorted. "You think you're the only one who struggles with their job? It's called, life Edward, okay? And I love Jasper but things aren't perfect. Besides, you aren't as lonesome as you think you are. A little bird told me you left with Bella the other night. I'm sure that's going well."

"A little bird?" I snorted.

"Whatever, I saw you two getting cozy," Alice snorted.

"Yeah, well, how long until she realizes I'm a loser then?" I rolled my eyes.

"This is exactly why you should have let Mom and Dad send you to a therapist for your self-esteem issues," Alice grimaced.

"Because nothing improves your self-esteem like going to a crazy people doctor," I snorted.

"That's it. You and Jasper are hanging out tonight," Alice stated. "I have been trying to get you to leave the Edward Pity Party for years, but you obviously won't listen to me. Jasper is good at talking sense into people. Maybe you'll listen to him."

And that was how I found myself that Wednesday night again sitting in the same honky tonk bar with my future brother-in-law. Work had almost made me forget I hadn't gotten a single phone call, text or anything from Bella, but the alcohol made it come back up. And I hadn't had just one drink; I'd had about five. Jasper finally forced the bartender to cut me off, probably not wanting to clean up puke out of his car or explain to Alice how he had let me get so inebriated.

"Sorry," Jasper said. "I tried to explain it to Alice several times, but she doesn't get that we men don't talk about our feelings. Not until were plum soused, anyways. But hey, gets you out of the house, I guess." He took another sip and then looked over at me. "What are you doing?"

"Do you think I should text Bella?" I asked him worriedly. "She kissed me the other night, but she was drunk and she hasn't said anything so maybe she regrets it and never wants to talk to me again. Maybe something causal but flirty? Maybe I should send her a smiley face. Girls like smiley faces. I like smiley faces. They're happy."

"Give me the phone," Jasper demanded.

"But…" I began, "if I don't text her…how will I know if she loves me?"

"Give me the phone. You are my wife-to-be's brother and under the 'Bro Code,' I cannot willingly let another man drunk text a girl, especially if he will most likely regret it in the morning," Jasper insisted.

"I'm not going to text her a picture of my junk or anything," I snorted before looking up at Jasper curiously, "unless you think she would like it?"

"Edward, give me your damn phone before you accidentally text a picture of your junk to your mother," Jasper insisted. "Although, Lord knows it would be payback for the pictures of that damn poofy furball."

He ended up attempting to wrestle it out of my hand. Even though Jasper was a junior rodeo champion, I had the strength of the Hulk when I was under the influence. I yanked the phone away from him only to elbow the huge, beefy guy sitting next to me in the face. He stood up to his full height and I saw through my beer goggles the guy had to be at least nine foot three and weigh five hundred pounds. I did one of those cartoon gulps and Jasper was a cross between wanting to strangle me and wanting to get the heck out of dodge.

"Look, he didn't mean it. He's drunk and crushing on a girl and…" Jasper began.

"You need to learn some manners," Gigantor informed me.

"Do you think I should text Bella my junk?" I asked him. The guy then picked up my phone and smashed it into a zillion little pieces. I looked at the remnants of my phone, flabbergasted, and then back up at him in anger. "Now how will I call Bella?"

"Sit down Edward!" Jasper hissed at me as I rose up out of my seat.

"You're not so tough!" I screamed at the guy.

I then launched a punch at him, which barely made a sound against his rock hard chest muscles. I instantly felt like I had probably broken some fingers and, without even looking up at the big guy's face, knew I was in for it. Not missing a beat, Gigantor laid me out on the floor. The next thing I remember, it was Thursday afternoon, my head was killing me and I was asleep in my old bedroom at my parents' house. I woke up to find my mother sitting beside me, waiting with a glass of water and some medicine.

"What happened?" I groaned.

"Jasper said you were punched in the face by a large man named Hank," my said, her mouth in a tight, disapprovingly line. "He said you had a little too much to drink. He brought you here so your father could make sure nothing was broken."

"He broke my phone," I grimaced, the light and white noise suddenly painful.

"I'm disappointed in you, Edward. I think you're a little too old to be behaving like this," Mom said.

"Sorry," I muttered, taking the medicine she offered.

"Now, I have some errands to run, but Miss Priss has her bed and toys set up here. She'll keep you company for the rest of the afternoon, won't you schnoockums?" Mom grinned, petting the dog.

After mom turned and left the room, I tried to get back to sleep, but couldn't really get back into a good sleeping pattern knowing the demon dog was also in the room. I groaned, figuring I would have to cancel the appointment the next day at _Femme_ to get a new phone hooked up as well as for the swelling in my face to go down. I decided then and there the next time I hung out with Jasper there would be no liquor involved.


	27. Chapter 27

**BPOV**

I didn't hear from Edward at all that weekend and come Sunday, I was starting to think maybe he was avoiding me, completely weirded out by what had happened the previous week. I was debating my predicament with Edward when I was blindsided by one of the most prestigious award ceremonies for young professionals in the greater Seattle area. Apparently, the Puget Sound Business Journal's Forty Under Forty was a big deal, even if I had never heard of it. It's amazing how something isn't even on your radar for most of your life and then suddenly it starts cropping up everywhere.

It started innocently enough on Sunday morning. I was in my room, wondering what Edward was doing when I heard Rose screaming in the kitchen. I dragged myself out of bed, knowing either Rose had just found Michael Meyers hiding in our kitchen or she had just found out Royce had dropped dead and all his money was now hers due to glitch in the will. What I found was Rose jumping up and down excitedly in the kitchen, talking on her phone.

"Oh, baby, I am so proud of you! This is so great! Are your parents coming down? They better be! This is so wonderful," Rose giggled. After about ten "I love yous" and six "no you hang ups" Rose finally disconnected.

"What happened?" I asked, still tired.

"Emmett was picked as one of the Forty Under Forty!" Rose beamed. "He's apparently one of the most influential business people in Seattle, and we get to go to a gala honoring him. Well… there's going to be at least thirty-nine other people there, but who cares?"

"That's great!" I agreed. "Is he letting the fame go to his head?"

"He still can't believe it. Tried to convince them they must have had the wrong number or at least the wrong Emmett McCarty," Rose said. "I've got to make him dinner or something! And I've got to buy a super slink dress…"

"For a business gala?" I said.

"Yeah. I got to show all those money-grubbing gold-digging bitches he's mine," Rose snorted. "Some of the girls I work with actually use this thing for husband hunting. Can you believe it?"

"Actually, yes," I sighed.

"They're having the award ceremony Friday night. Emmett gets to go in sometime this week and have his picture taken, get interviewed…" Rose said dreamily. "The issue will be out next month! I'm so excited!"

I got dressed and went into work early, hoping to get some work done, only for Irina to pull us all into an emergency morning staff meeting. I was terrified since Irina usually only held these meetings when something was really wrong, like if there was going to be a big controversy over a story or when our previous health and fitness editor had been diagnosed with breast cancer in her thirties. However, Irina was smiling as we all cautiously entered the room. There were even coffee and muffins provided, which usually didn't happen in bad meetings. Bad meetings usually meant cupcakes.

"Now that everyone is here, I would just like to congratulate our very own Leah Clearwater for making the Puget Sound Business Journal's Forty Under Forty list," Irina said. "This is a very prestigious honor, and Leah has worked very hard to deserve it." Everyone clapped and Leah looked painfully embarrassed.

"Thanks, it means a lot to be recognized like this," Leah said quietly. After Leah was congratulated a dozen times by everyone the meeting started to break up. I was heading back to my desk when Leah grabbed me by the arms and pulled me aside.

"Yes?" I asked nervous. Leah and I really didn't interact much before the website project. In fact, I was a little scared of her. Leah was beyond tough. Leah was the head bitch in charge of her department.

"Are you doing anything this Saturday night?" Leah asked.

"Um… no…why?" I asked.

"Because they sent me two stupid tickets for this thing. Irina is already going with her husband, and they won't take the spare ticket back," Leah said. "I'm going to look stupid if I show up alone. And believe me, I don't have a little black of book of guys knocking on my door that I can just call up and ask. You're the only other person in this entire building I can put up with. Do you think you could go with me?"

"Are you like asking me out?" I said, bewildered.

"As a friend," Leah squawked. "We can go as two independent ladies on the town… I just… look, I don't have anyone to ask, okay? I haven't had a boyfriend since college because no guy ever wants more than a quick fuck from me, and I don't have many friends because I'm so devoted to my job. The same stupid job that got me this award. I'm asking this is a favor, please? If nothing else, we can just make fun of people…"

"Well, my roommate's boyfriend is actually being recognized too," I said. "I'll go and we can hang out with Rose. I think you'd like her. She's taking the bar soon and can be a pretty hardcore bitch when she wants to be. If you want entertainment, we can sit back and see what happens when some harpy tries to get their claws into her man."

"That sounds like my kind of entertainment," Leah smirk. "Thanks so much. I really mean it. I owe you one."

"It's cool," I shrugged. "And don't be hard on yourself, okay? You're really great, Leah."

"Thanks," Leah smiled. And it was a genuine smile, not a smirk. I turned around to head back to my desk, only to find myself face-to-face with Victoria who, for all intents and purposes, would be my boss when I began writing for the features section.

"Hey," I said, trying to sound cheerful.

"Hello, Bella," Victoria smirked. "Have a sec?"

"Uh…sure," I nodded.

"Mind coming to my office with me?" she asked.

I nodded and followed her through the maze of the editorial section to her office. When we got there, Victoria asked me to close her office door behind us. That probably should have been my first indicator of what was to come. She gestured for me to take a seat and I smoothed out my skirt before sliding into the office chair in front of her desk. I was hoping she was going to give me a hint as to my first assignment in my new job or maybe ask me to help brainstorm story ideas with her for the next issue. I was completely unprepared for what I heard next.

"I know you think you're Irina's little pet and everything, but just because you kiss the boss's ass doesn't mean I'm going to make this easy for you," Victoria informed me in a sugary-sweet tone with a matching but deceitful smile. "Just because Irina wants you here and Emily will do whatever it takes to be in Irina's good graces doesn't mean I'm going to make this easy on you. If anything, I am going to make this as hard as possible. You're just stupid if you think a secretary who types a few memos can come in here and take a crack at being a professional journalist."

"I'm sure Emily gave you my resume," I pointed out. "I do have a major in journalism…"

"From the University of Washington," Victoria snorted. "You do realize that practically every other woman who writes for this magazine has some sort of _Ivy League _degree, don't you? You might as well have a community college degree. This is a tough industry and our magazine is only as good as its worst writer, who at this time happens to be you. I am only taking you on because my boss told me to. You are a little, itty-bitty fish in a pond full of sharks, kid, and you've got to learn to sink or swim. I'm counting on sink. I'm not here to help you along. I'm not your fairy godmother. I'm expecting you to fail and to fail hard. But don't worry. I'm sure Irina will take you back as her assistant when that happens."

"You may be expecting me to fail, but I'm not going to," I insisted. "I will work my ass off and I will do whatever it takes to prove you wrong."

"Go ahead and try," Victoria sneered. "I have seen a lot of women come through these doors and most of them don't make it. I've read your story and your resume and I don't see anything special sitting before me."

"Do you have an assignment for me?" I asked, trying to remain undeterred by her snarkiness.

"I'll be sending you the details soon," Victoria said. "You have one month from the date of the assignment to hand it back in and it better be flawless. I will not run anything short of perfection in my section. And if I need to, I will tell Emily that it isn't going to work out. I will not have someone like you dragging down my career. I've worked hard to get to where I am and I can't afford to be carrying some country bumpkin dead weight around with me."

"Is there anything else you need from me?" I asked her, trying to sound confident.

"I hardly think so," Victoria snorted, dismissing me with a wave of her hand.

"Again, thank you for this opportunity," I gritted out. I wanted to run from Victoria's office as fast as I possibly could, but I managed to walk out of there as gracefully as I could muster.

Once I left her office, I headed for the bathroom where I immediately locked myself in a stall and started crying. Sure, I hadn't thought breaking into the business would be easy but I hadn't expected someone to be as out and out mean as Victoria had been to me. I knew I couldn't go complain to Emily or Irina about how she was treating me because that would just confirm Victoria's belief that I wasn't capable of making it on my own, that I had to resort to kissing up to get what I wanted. Still, it was hard being told I wasn't good enough, that I wasn't going to make it and that I didn't have any discernible talent in the industry I had pledged my life to. I momentarily considered my dad's offer to go back home and enter in logging reports and obits for the local newspaper, but shook the idea out of my head. I wasn't going to let one person stand in my way. I managed to collect myself as much as I could, went back to my desk and did as much work as I could before my lunch break.

I had barely gotten back from lunch when Irina stopped by my desk, informing me the meeting with Edward had been rescheduled for just then and my attendance was mandatory. I was completely unsure about facing him again after what had happened the previous week. There really isn't much workplace protocol for seeing the guy you drunkenly swapped spit with again a week later after he never called you or responded to your texts. I walked into the room and nearly gasped to find the huge purple, yellow and slightly green bruise across the entire left half of Edward's face. He looked completely mortified by it and kept his head down throughout his presentation as much as possible. No one asked him about the massive shiner, though Leah seemed pretty curious about it. As diplomatically as possible, Irina informed him things were going well and she didn't think weekly meetings with everyone were necessary any longer. Instead, Edward was free to drop by or communicate any other way with the web staff.

With the presentation over, everyone just about filed out of the room. I lingered slightly, wondering if confronting Edward was the best idea or if I should just let him fade out of my life as quickly as he had gotten into it. Edward seemed preoccupied trying to get all of his stuff packed up, like he couldn't wait to get out of our offices. I finally decided to just turn and head back to my desk, only to be interrupted.

"Bella… wait!" Edward called after me. I turned back around to face him curiously.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Hey, I'm sorry about not calling you," Edward said. "I mean… I broke my phone. It was a kind of bizarre thing…"

"Same bizarre thing that got you that shiner?" I asked curiously.

"Yeah," Edward blushed. "Uh… I found out…my ex…"

"The super bitch?" I supplied.

"Yeah, that one? She's pregnant and asked Alice to do her baby shower," Edward explained. "I needed to wrap my head around things and… instead I got drunk with Jasper and then we wound up in a bar fight. The guy destroyed my phone and I was so embarrassed I canceled the meeting Friday and… I'm really sorry I didn't call you or anything… I just…"

"I get it," I smiled.

"I know that sounds really immature and stupid and… well, it was," Edward sighed. "I guess I just kind of lost it there. I mean, it's hard when you really want something and it seems to come easy to people who don't even care, you know?"

"Yeah, I get the feeling," I grimaced.

"I just… it wasn't you, okay? And I want you to know that… I had a good time last week," Edward told me. "In fact, it was the very best part of my week. Probably would have still been the best part of my week if the week didn't end with me passed out on a sticky barroom floor or getting lectured about alcohol poisoning from my parents like I'm a teenager again."

"I'm glad you had fun," I said, feeling slightly better.

"So… are you doing anything Friday night?" Edward asked quickly.

"I'm hanging out with a friend Friday night," I replied with a shrug. Technically, that's what Leah and I were doing anyway.

"Okay," Edward nodded.

"Why did you ask?" I replied.

"No reason," he shrugged. "Guess I'll catch you later? Maybe call you?"

"Alright," I replied. I flounced back to my desk, Victoria's early tirade completely forgotten.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: My kid brother is graduating high school tomorrow. Makes me feel old. Also, very glad I have never had a boss like Victoria.**


	28. Chapter 28

**EPOV**

This Forty Under Forty thing was the worst thing ever. I though stupid dress up parties were supposed to end in high school, but apparently not. I was proud of Alice for being barely twenty-four and making the list for her business, but I was less than thrilled when she announced at Sunday night dinner with the family she was sending me two tickets so I could bring a date. A date. Me. I had to find a date to a formal event within a week. This was going to be worse than any embarrassing formal occasion I had ever been to.

I had managed to fake sick or busy for just about every school dance from middle school onwards since no girl wanted to go out with Nerdward in high school. When prom rolled around senior year, my parents started badgering me about renting a tux and a limo and all that sort of stuff. Two days before the big event, I broke the news to them that I wasn't going. After confessing that none of the girls I asked had wanted to go with me, my mother suggested I take Alice, who was a freshman and dying to go to a big glitzy event. After much pressure, I ended up taking my sister to the prom only to find at least three of the girls I had asked had lied about having dates. Then there were the sorority parties Tanya was always going to that made me feel incredibly awkward and out of place. I looked like a high schooler next to all the fraternity brothers, and Tanya always accused me of being wet blanket, stick in the mud or just ruining everyone's good time. Other than Myrna, the ancient housekeeper for my building, I only new of one single woman in the whole of Seattle who might possibly take pity on me for a last minute date. There were good odds Bella was still pissed at me, too.

"What do you mean you don't _feel _like going?" Mom grumbled. "This is your sister's big night and you _have _to be there to support her!"

"I do want to support Alice and I'm proud of her… I really am…" I began.

"But?" Mom prompted.

"It's stupid," I grimaced.

"Edward, I am your mother. Tell me what's wrong," Mom ordered.

"She gave me two tickets," I said.

"And?" Mom asked.

"I don't have anyone to take with me," I replied. Mom was quiet for a beat.

"Well, you could always ask Aunt Jane to come. She'll be in town, back from whatever excursion she's been on as of late, and I'm sure she'd like to spend time with her favorite nephew," Mom said.

"Her only nephew," I pointed out.

"Well, she is my only sister," Mom sighed.

"You do realize how pathetic that will look, Mom?" I said. "I mean, I couldn't find a date so I had to ask my aunt to come with me?"

"You aren't going together. Just as Alice's guests and family," Mom said.

"Alice gave me a second ticket and I'm pretty sure she had in mind for me to bring a date, not Aunt Jane," I said.

"Well, then why don't you ask that nice girl Bella Swan?" Mom suggested. I sighed.

"Mom…" I began.

"Sorry. Sorry. I didn't mean to intrude," Mom replied.

"I'll handle it, Mom," I sighed. "I promise, okay?"

The truth was, I really had thought long and hard about asking Bella, but I wasn't so sure if she would be up for a night of fancy dress with my family. I especially doubted she wanted to be around me after what had transpired between us the previous week. When I finally got a new phone, I found several messages from Bella on it. I hadn't been able to call her because the other phone was smashed to bits, and since I hadn't called her back or given her any inclination I was alive, let alone still interested in her, I seriously doubted she wanted to see me. Hanging up with my mother, I sighed and looked at the clock, realizing I needed to be getting to my rescheduled meeting with _Femme_. I decided just leaving Bella a quick voice mail or text explaining my weekend whereabouts wasn't good enough, so I decided to talk to her after the meeting.

I had tried to cover up my black eye as best I could before I went in. Believe it or not Jasper, not Alice, was the whiz with covering shiners with makeup. Apparently, getting accidentally hit in the face with guns or blanks happened a lot during Civil War reenactments and Jasper had learned to cover his face so his students didn't know their professor was out killing Yankees on the weekends. I took Jasper's advice but there was no way I could cover up the entire thing. I sighed, grabbed my stuff and headed in to the meeting.

I went through the presentation as quickly as I possibly could, trying to avoid showing the side of my face where my eye was discolored. I had a feeling I would have to change out of my contacts and back into my glasses after the meeting because having my contact in my eye was becoming almost too painful to manage. I did try to get in a glance at Bella every now in then in an attempt to get any hint whether or not she was pissed at me. Thankfully, no one seemed to notice I wasn't exactly on my A-game that day and Irina seemed especially pleased with the presentation. I tried to get my stuff together as quickly as possible and then realized Bella was heading out the door and away from me. I grimaced, not wanting her to think I was ignoring her or anything. Finally, I mustered up the courage, hoping to ask her out for Friday night. No harm no foul, after all, right?

"Bella… wait!" I yelled after her. I sighed when she turned around to face me again.

"Yeah?" Bella asked. She didn't seem particularly happy with me, so I knew I had to work through that.

"Hey, I'm sorry about not calling you," I told her, really hoping she would accept my apology. "I mean… I broke my phone. It was a kind of bizarre thing…"

"Same bizarre thing that got you that shiner?" Bella asked with a slight smirk.

"Yeah," I blushed. "Uh… I found out…my ex…"

"The super bitch?" Bella interjected, making me chuckle slightly.

"Yeah, that one? She's pregnant and asked Alice to do her baby shower," I explained. "I needed to wrap my head around things and… instead I got drunk with Jasper and then we wound up in a bar fight. The guy destroyed my phone and I was so embarrassed I canceled the meeting Friday and… I'm really sorry I didn't call you or anything… I just…"

"I get it," Bella smiled. I breathed a sigh of relief, glad to see it was a genuine smile.

"I know that sounds really immature and stupid and… well, it was," I rambled on. "I guess I just kind of lost it there. I mean, it's hard when you really want something and it seems to come easy to people who don't even care, you know?"

"Yeah, I get the feeling," Bella agreed.

"I just… it wasn't you, okay? And I want you to know that… I had a good time last week," I said, hoping she would believe me. "In fact, it was the very best part of my week. Probably would have still been the best part of my week if the week didn't end with me passed out on a sticky barroom floor or getting lectured about alcohol poisoning from my parents like I'm a teenager again."

"I'm glad you had fun," Bella grinned at me warmly.

"So… are you doing anything Friday night?" I asked, trying to resist the urge to cross my fingers behind my back. If I was going to Alice's gala thing, having Bella by my side would definitely make things easier and more fun.

"I'm hanging out with a friend Friday night," Bella shook her head. I frowned, but I didn't want to interrupt her plans with friends.

"Okay," I said, trying not to sound to disappointed. Naturally, Bella Swan had something else to do that night. I should figure she would be doing something fun and exciting and single like hanging out with her gal pals. It wasn't like Bella spent her nights waiting around for some guy to call her up and ask her out anyhow. It was stupid of me to think she wouldn't already have plans.

"Why did you ask?" Bella asked.

"No reason," I said, not wanting to embarrass myself further. The last thing I wanted to admit to Bella was that I couldn't get a date other than my aunt. "Guess I'll catch you later? Maybe call you?"

"Alright," Bella grinned.

I felt much better that she wasn't completely pissed at me and decided that even if Bella couldn't hang out with me Friday evening we could still do something fun together that evening or during the rest of the week. I headed back home to get a jump on some much needed work, especially on the _Femme_ sight. I had around two months until the launch now and that meant I had to kick things into high gear. After two hours or so of furiously writing code, my phone started to buzz. It was an incoming call from my mother and, honestly, at that point I would have preferred a picture of the possessed Papillion. I already felt dumb enough after being shot down but Bella, but I knew it would just be plain stupid to try and weasel my way out of the event with my mom.

"So? How did it go? What did Bella say?" Mom asked chipperly.

"She has plans that night," I sighed.

"She's not going on a date is she?" Mom asked worriedly.

"With a friend. Rose, I guess," I shrugged. "Anyway, I didn't want her to change her schedule around or anything…"

"It's too bad," Mom sighed. "Alice said she found a dress for Bella online that would have been just perfect for the event…"

"Sorry, Mom, but she can't come," I said, rubbing my temple.

"Well, are you at least seeing her again?" Mom asked curiously.

"Mom!" I sighed. "I think the bigger issue is that I have a spare ticket to Alice's thing and no one to take. Are you sure I just can't skip it?"

"Edward, you will be there and you will be supporting your sister," Mom said. "Now, your Aunt Jane is free and clear to come in town, and I'm sure she would like to catch up with you…"

"Fine," I sighed.

"So, do you want me to call Aunt Jane or do you want to call her?" Mom asked curiously. "I'll make sure she doesn't wear anything risqué or with too much animal print. Lord knows your aunt would love to land her some young blood. Not to marry, mind you. She was telling me yesterday how she's sworn off marriage after three husbands. Too bad she never found anyone as sweet as your father. You know, he did the sweetest thing yesterday. He brought me home this personal massager and wouldn't you know the speeds on that thing…"

"Go ahead and call her," I interrupted hurriedly, not liking where a story about my parents using a 'personal massager' might end up. "I can meet Aunt Jane beforehand or something."

"She was hoping to have lunch with Alice that day as well," Mom said. "Do you think you could come? Your father has a surgery, but I'll be there."

"Sure," I sighed. "And don't get the wrong idea, Mom. I am proud of Alice."

"I know you are, sweetie," Mom replied. "It's not fair you didn't make it on that list. Of course, there's always next year, isn't there? And I'm sure you'll meet tons of people you can work with that night."

"Thanks, Mom," I smiled.

"Well, I have to go," Mom said. "I have to wake Miss Priss up from her nap and then it's off to play group at the doggy park. She's been having issues making friends with other dogs and our veterinarian suggested that playing with other puppies might help her get socialized. Poor thing. I think she just gets aggressive with other animals because she's shy and scared…"

"Uh… you have fun, Mom," I said.

I worked as hard as I could the rest of the week. The one highlight to my days was after supper when I would have phone or text conversations with Bella. One of us would call the other around six in the evening and most of the time we would stay up until ten or later just talking about various things. I had never really had anyone I could do that with. We spent an entire evening just talking about our favorite Atari and Super Nintendo games from our childhoods. She made me laugh and more than a few times I was able to get a good giggle out of her. However, after the phone calls ended and especially toward the end of the week I felt a little let down that it wouldn't be Bella I would be spending my Friday night with.

When the day finally rolled around, I cut out of my work early and headed over to the little bistro Alice had wanted to have her special lunch at. When I arrived, I didn't need to look very hard to find where everyone was sitting Aunt Jane's boisterous laugh could be heard all the way across the restaurant. I walked to the table to find Aunt Jane shamelessly flirting with Jasper, who had his arm wrapped around Alice. Mom and Alice were giggling and sharing smirks and eye rolls at Aunt Jane's shameless antics. Aunt Jane herself had dyed her hair bright pink. It was now done to her ears, having grown back slowly after her cancer treatment ends. She was also wearing a zebra print dress. I sighed and slipped into the vacant chair between my aunt and my mother.

Aunt Jane is probably the one person Alice has looked up to her entire life and pretty much the exact opposite of our mother. While Mom is a dedicated housewife who got into work later in life, Aunt Jane is a photographer and a globetrotter. She has been married and divorced three times, getting a measure of financial success from her last two divorces. She married an older man at seventeen and was divorced within the year before she set off on a tour with a famous band. After that, she married a music producer and got divorced followed by a lawyer who she kicked out after discovering he couldn't attend her chemotherapy sessions because he was hooking up with his secretary. Aunt Jane liked to joke the main reason she beat breast cancer is because she didn't want to let her ex off easy on alimony payments. Mom had long given up trying to rein in her carefree baby sister, and the two had long buried the hatchet in the tumultuous relationship they had when Alice and I were little. Mom was the one who sat by Aunt Jane during her cancer treatments and, as a result, the two of them had become the best of friends.

"There you are Red!" Aunt Jane grinned, using her childhood nickname for me. "What's this about you hooking up with a magazine writer? Anyone I know?"

"I don't know what you've been told," I said glaring at Alice. "Bella and I are just friends." Alice stuck her tongue out at me.

"Too bad, sweetie," Aunt Jane shook her head. "You're much too old for Jergen's and tissues." Jasper almost choked on his water and Alice laughed. Mom frowned disapprovingly, but she no longer tried to be Aunt Jane's verbal filter.

"How long are you in for?" I asked her.

"Just the weekend," Aunt Jane said airily, "but I might stay longer if your dad can bring me home one of his hot colleagues. Too bad they don't make 'em like _Grey's Anatomy _in real life, huh? But listen to me gabbing away! Today is all about our Alicat, now isn't it?"

"We are so proud of you, sweetie," Mom smiled. "You've done amazing."

"Oh, Mom," Alice blushed.

"Hey, you deserve it," Jasper shook his head. "You get up early, go to bed late and work your tail off in between."

"I'd go to bed late at night if I had a cowboy like you, too," Aunt Jane smirked, wiggling her eyebrows. Jasper took the compliment with a smile, but Alice rolled her eyes.

"Come on, Aunt Jane," Alice snorted. "He's mine and I got the rock to prove it."

"Alright, honey, alright," Aunt Jane laughed. She turned back to Jasper. "So stud, is your daddy single?"

"Married thirty-five years, I'm afraid," Jasper said.

"You got any single uncles?" she asked curiously.

"Only Uncle Randy, but he's not single by choice," Jasper said. "Most girls don't like dating a guy who's in prison."

"When's he getting out?" Aunt Jane asked.

"I think 2034… for good behavior," Jasper replied. "He'll be seventy-four by then."

"Never mind, then," Aunt Jane huffed. "I'm not waiting that long. What about cousins?"

"Jane," Mom cautioned her.

"You're right. I'm unfair picking on Jasper here," Aunt Jane nodded. "So, Red, you got any single friends?"

"None that could handle you, Aunt Jane," I smirked.

"That's why I love you kid," Aunt Jane grinned. "Now, you tell that not-girlfriend of yours that you're spending the evening with a hot piece like me and I bet she'll realize what she's missing."

I smiled at my aunt as waitress arrived to take our orders. It was all I could hope that I could get through this evening for Alice and then I would be free over the weekend, hopefully to some time with Bella like my aunt had suggested.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I want to be a crazy don't give a fuck old lady with bright dyed hair and loud clothes who manhandles hot waiters someday. Just sayin'. **


	29. Chapter 29

**BPOV**

I tried not to let my unpleasant chat with Victoria cast a dark cloud over the rest of my week, though I couldn't prevent her from creeping back into my thoughts. When Friday arrived, Victoria still hadn't sent me any story ideas for me to work on. I sort of wanted to check with Irina or Emily on when I should expect a story idea from Victoria since I was too afraid to talk to Victoria herself, but I knew that would just be playing into Victoria's hands. I decided if I hadn't heard anything from her over the weekend I would suck it up and ask her on Monday. I had a feeling what I had experienced from Victoria already was the least of what she was capable of.

While Victoria was making things tough for me at work, I was able to find some solace when I went home at night due to the nightly texting sessions or phone calls with Edward. He seemed intent on making up for never getting back to me the previous week by calling me to chat every night for several hours. I wasn't expecting the first call when it came Monday evening just as I was finishing up my microwaveable dinner that night. Rose was out celebrating Emmett's big success with the Forty Under Forty by taking him for a steak and then retreating to his apartment to do unmentionable things to him. I had settled in for the night, wearing my jammies and bunny slippers, when Edward called to see how things were going.

He texted me until around eleven Tuesday evening and by Wednesday, I started eyeing my phone as soon as got home, waiting for it to ring. Thursday was another long night of conversation and when Friday rolled around, I was saddened to know I would be too busy to take Edward's phone call. As soon as I got home from work, Rose yanked me into my room to find something to wear. Leah would be coming with us and Emmett was boasting about going into the room with not one, not two but three hot chicks accompanying him. Rose rolled her eyes and I informed him Leah wouldn't hesitate to cut off his family jewels if he pulled any wisecracks with her.

Leah showed up fifteen minutes early and got to spend time chatting in the living room with Emmett while Rose and I finished up getting ready for the evening. I was actually very surprised that Emmett and Leah were managing to get along while Rose and I finished detailing our makeup and smoothing out our dresses. Interestingly, Emmett and Leah had a lot of the same interests. They both liked sports, especially the Seahawks and Mariners, and they were both into the same one-person shoot video games. They also enjoyed high quality beer and a good steak. If Emmett wasn't so obsessed with Rose and Leah so deadest against dating, I almost would have worried for Emmett and Rose's relationship.

"Damn, you too take forever to get ready," Leah huffed when we came out of Rose's bathroom.

"But it's well worth it," Emmett grinned, walking over to Rose and kissing her. "You look damn fine baby."

"Thanks," Rose said, smoothing her hair down once more.

"Let's just get this over with," Leah sighed.

"Hey, at least try to be happy. You are getting _honored_ tonight," I reminded her.

"Bite me," Leah hissed.

The business newspaper that threw this party obviously raked in the big bucks as they had rented the entire restaurant at the top of the Space Needle downtown for the event. After getting pictures taken and doing rounds with some of the other honorees, Leah and Emmett came back to where Rose and I were hanging out, munching on hors d'oeuvres and complaining about the bartender couldn't make a decent dirty martini. Emmett picked up Rose and took her off to dance while Leah and I hit the bar.

While I traded in my martini for a fruity drink the bartender actually knew how to make, Leah settled in with a beer. The bartender looked at her curiously but the famous Leah Clearwater stink-eye made him avert his eyes and get her drink. Leah sighed, leaning back against the bar as the two of us surveyed the group of people "networking" and hobnobbing around us. I really wished I could just be at home in my pajamas, watching bad TV and eating ice cream.

"Oh God," Leah cringed, turning around quickly.

"What? What's going on?" I asked.

"I can't let that guy see me," Leah hissed, pointing discreetly at a rather tall, tan man with bright pearly white teeth.

"Who is he?" I asked quietly. "Ex-boyfriend?"

"No," Leah groaned. "He's Jacob Black. He's on the list, too. Number three out of forty. He couldn't quit bragging about it. Apparently, he's the founder of some Seattle-based car company that makes luxury environmentally friendly cars. They all run on electricity and corn and stuff and cost more than my annual pay check. He's supposed to revive America's auto industry or something. And because of that, he apparently thinks he's God's gift to women."

"So… you don't want to talk to a guy because he was flirting with you?" I repeated.

"He wasn't flirting with me," Leah snorted.

"Lee, I used to date a frat guy, and I don't think this Jacob Black guy is much different," I pointed out. "It's all about bravado. I guess it's a male thing. He wants you to know he's successful and stuff to like prove he's a provider or something."

"Don't try to psychoanalyze Jacob Black," Leah snorted. "I'm pretty sure if you did a brain scan on the guy you wouldn't find anything."

"I don't know… you'd have to be pretty smart to design and market eco-friendly cars," I said. "I bet big oil has a lot of hits out on him."

"Hello ladies," Jacob Black himself said, sidling up to Leah at the bar. "What are you two lovelies drinking? Next round on me."

"I told you already, I'm not interested," Leah hissed at him.

"I just want to buy you a drink… toast to your success," he continued. "I'm sure it's not easy being smart, successful and drop dead gorgeous."

"Bella, you might want to get out of here before I make you an accomplice to murder," Leah said to me.

"Hey, I want a free drink," I said back with a smirk. Leah glowered at me.

"Your friend Bella seems like a sensible girl," Jacob said. "Bella, tell Leah just to give me a chance." Before I could say anything, I received a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to find a very distressed looking Emmett standing before me.

"What's up?" I asked.

"I don't know," Emmett said worriedly. "One minute I was going to introduce Rosie to the owner of the Seahawks and the next she was storming off into the ladies room. I swear, I didn't say anything to her, she just got mad and ran off. And I can't go into the women's bathroom. I'm not a chick."

"Do you want me to go fish her out?" I sighed.

"Please," Emmett said.

"You know, one would think a guy like you would relish a chance to go perving on the women's bathroom," I said offhand.

"No way, man," Emmett shook his head. "Women's bathrooms are scary places. They have things like…." he looked around to see if anyone was watching and then whispered: "tampon dispensers in them…"

"Yeah, Emmett. Some women use tampons," I rolled my eyes. "I'll go get Rose."

After getting lost twice and getting directions from one of the servers, I finally found the bathrooms and went in. There were a couple of women reapplying makeup and they seemed to be able tell why I was there just from the look on my face. They both pointed to the stall furthest back and I proceeded to knock on the door. I could hear Rose breathing on the other side and see her bright red pumps peaking out from the bottom.

"I know you're in there, Rose," I said. She groaned and unlocked the door. She hadn't been crying but from the crack on the back of the door, I had the feeling she had been punching stuff. "What happened?"

"He's here," she fumed. "The rat bastard is here."

"Royce is here?" I said in disbelief.

"Apparently, he's the 'hot businessman to watch or something,'" Rose huffed. "More like the most likely to screw you over. And he's married. Again. To some tall blonde bimbo who's already pregnant, apparently. She laughs like a horse and keeps going on about her 'bun in the oven.' And Royce has this shit-eating grin on his face. You know, Royce, the same guy who told me kids weren't an option because they aren't 'wise financial investments.' And he waved to me. He was coming over to us with his new whore like he was going to show off Rose Hale 2.0 or something. What did I ever see in him?"

"You did drink a lot in college," I shrugged.

"I mean I love Emmett. I wouldn't trade him for the world. And if I could murder someone with no repercussions it would be Royce King hands down," Rose sighed. "I don't know why this is bothering me so much. I hate Royce. I wish Royce would get caught sucking another guy off in a public restroom or something so his life would be ruined. If I hate him so much why am I acting all…jealous? Jealous of some dumb bitch who just ruined her life by getting hitched that asshole?"

"If I remember right, your whole relationship with Royce was like that," I shrugged. "I mean, he always made you second guess yourself, made you feel like dirt about anything you did he didn't like. Maybe you're just hurt that he thinks you're replaceable. I mean, does wife number two look that much like you?"

"Taller, tanner and her boobs are definitely fake," Rose affirmed.

"Well, Royce has a type," I said. "I guess he found out too late you didn't fit into that type."

"What type?" Rose asked.

"Dumb, blonde, most likely a golddigger," I shrugged. "He told you that you were too pretty for law school didn't he? Don't be mad at him. Feel sorry for whoever she is. He's probably helping her narrow down nanny candidates based on their screwability."

"Screwability? I think Emmett is around our apartment too much," Rose sighed.

"Speaking of him, he's outside and very worried about you," I told her. "And this is supposed to be his special night. Don't let Royce ruin anything else for you. If he comes over, just tell him you're on the fast track to become Seattle's next Ally McBeal – minus the anorexia – and Emmett is the super stud Seahawk trainer."

"And Emmett's dick is probably bigger than Royce's entire forearm," Rose nodded.

"I wish you had kept that to yourself," I sighed.

"Oh, all this Royce-related drama made me and I guess Emmett forget," Rose said. "We saw your lover boy."

"Huh?" I said.

"Edward? He's here with some old lady," Rose nodded. "Doesn't seem to happy about it. She's the type of broad I want to be when I get old though. She was wearing this tight hot pink ensemble, six-inch stilettos and was all over one of the cute servers who was probably half her age. Edward was mortified. Especially when she pinched the guys butt and asked if he wanted her to demonstrate how she recently won a limbo contest."

"Edward is here?" I squawked. "Oh God. He asked me if I had plans tonight but I…"

"Was already on a chick date with Leah?" Rose nodded.

"Who hangs out with Emmett too much now?" I snorted.

"Come on," Rose said. "We should get back out there."

Emmett was waiting outside the bathroom for us like he was waiting on the birth of his firstborn or something. Rose very graciously gave him a big hug, a kiss with much more tongue than I wanted to see, and then asked him if he wanted to go one-up her ex-husband. Emmett said he would but that if he was going to meet Royce it should probably be in a place without police or surveillance cameras. As they walked off, I spied the bar where Jacob Black appeared to be talking himself up and flexing his arm muscles for a totally uninterested Leah. It was a little funny to see how hard the guy was trying while Leah stared at her beer bottle like she expected it to pull out a top hat, cane and start doing the Charleston.

Another cursory glance around the room revealed the woman Rose had obviously seen with Edward earlier. She was wearing a hot pink dress with matching dyed hair, gesticulating wildly to a group of highly entertained spectators while intravenously taking sips from her cosmopolitan. She moved slightly to reveal Alice standing beside her, smiling, and then took Alice in a big side hug. She then made some obviously flirty remark at Jasper, who was standing off to the side, watching the entire show in amusement. I looked around but didn't see Edward, though I managed to spy his parents off to the side, obviously chatting with an acquaintance. Since his entire family seemed to be here – not to mention that Rose and Emmett had seen him – I was pretty sure Edward had to be there as well.

I wanted to find him just to say hi and ask how his night was going. I figured I had maybe ten minutes before Emmett and Rose got arrested for assaulting Royce. I could just visualize the two of them making the lead story on the next day's news, Emmett holding Royce down so Rose could deliver a well-placed high heel to the crotch. I didn't think Edward would have gone too far off from his family, so I began poking around in nearby corners of the room. It only took me a few moments for me to find Edward. He had his head hung and was slouching with a tall, gorgeous but frightening looking blonde woman towering over him, sneering in his face. I wasn't exactly sure who she was, what her connection to Edward was or why he seemed almost afraid of her, but I was about to find out.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hope everyone has a great weekend and for all you Americans have a safe Memorial Day!**


	30. Chapter 30

**EPOV**

This Forty Under Forty party was easily turning into one of the worst nights of my life. I was trying to be happy for Alice's sake and I honestly was proud of her for all that she had accomplished, but my heart just wasn't in it. Sure, I love my Aunt Jane, but she can be pretty loud, brash and attention-seeking when she wanted to be. This night was turning out to be no different with Aunt Jane in a skin tight dress flirting it up with all of the waiters and quite a few of the single guys on the list themselves. Alice was eating it up since Aunt Jane was practically her role model and Jasper stood attentively by Alice's side the entire night, praising her and letting everyone know how proud he was. Mom and Dad were open with their praise as well, but spent most of their time chatting with a couple of dad's colleagues who were at the event.

Even though I was surrounded by my family, I still felt pretty alone. I'm more of a wallflower and nowhere near as outgoing or extroverted as my sister and aunt. Not to mention I didn't really know anyone there. To make matters worth, everything was just like another one of Tanya's old sorority parties full of beautiful, rich people where everyone thought they were better than every else. I just felt completely out of place and really just wanted to leave, but I couldn't leave without hurting my sister's feelings. After a while of listening to Aunt Jane and Alice entertain people, I headed off to find the bar. The entire way there I was thinking bitterly about how this was the exact type of event Tanya would have loved to be a part of. They say speak of the Devil and she will appear.

"Edward? Edward Cullen?" I turned around before I really recognized the voice. When I found myself face-to-face with Tanya I wished I had just kept on walking.

"Uh… hey…" I said, wishing I wasn't so awkward. I had always imagined this confrontation would happen somewhere where I was the center of attention and Tanya had hit rock bottom.

"What brings you here tonight?" Tanya asked, sauntering over toward me. She was wearing a very slinky, skin-tight dress that showed of the beginnings of her baby bump. I had a feeling that was her goal for the dress. The giant diamond ring on her hand was pretty distracting as well, and I had a feeling Tanya enjoyed showing off the evidence of her husband's material wealth to other people.

"Alice," I said quietly. "She's one of the ones being honored…"

"Oh, really? My husband, too," Tanya beamed. "I bet your parents are glad to have such a success in the family. I always knew Alice was going places."

"Yeah," I grimaced, trying not to think about the subtle jibe.

"It's kind of sad, you know," Tanya continued. "I mean, I you had so much potential, Edward. And now all you do is play on your computer all day. You were really going places. I suppose you haven't had much motivation since we broke up, though. I had to push you to do anything worthwhile." I bit my tongue, wanting to tell Tanya everything that was wrong with what she said. However, I had promised my mother than I wouldn't do anything to ruin Alice's night.

"I'm doing okay, Tanya, really," I said. "I'm working on sites for several companies across town and I'm doing a redesign for…"

"You know, if you wanted some actual work I'm sure I could get my husband to throw you a bone," Tanya said. My hands had balled into fists of their own accord. I was completely frustrated. Things were not going the way I wanted to and here, yet again, Tanya was making me feel like a complete idiot.

"There you are!" I heard Bella's familiar voice from behind me. I tried not to let my jaw drop as she sauntered over. She was wearing a very classy, black dress that showed just enough of her curves to make me feel hot under the collar. As natural as could be, Bella came over to my side, slid her arms through mine and placed a kiss on my cheek. I tried not to blush, even though that was hard not to.

"Edward, who is this?" Tanya smirked.

"This is my…Bella. Bella, this is…" I began.

"Tanya," Bella surmised. "I know your husband."

"Oh, you know Royce?" Tanya said.

"Yes. He was married to my friend Rose for around twelve hours before she caught him cheating and divorced him," Bella nodded. "I'm surprised to see Royce settled down again. During the divorce proceedings he insisted it was a man's right to sow his wild oats and that he'd never get married again. Of course, you've obviously changed Royce's mind about a lot of things since he always told Rose he didn't want any 'snot-nosed brats' running around his home."

"Well, I do have way with my men," Tanya smirked at Bella.

"Nice to meet you," Bella said to her dismissively. "Come on, Edward. Your parents are looking for you."

"Okay…" I said, still mystified about what was going on between the two women. I gladly walked off with Bella though, and knew I owed her big for rescuing me from She-Satan. As soon as we got away from Tanya, I let Bella know. "Seriously, I owe you something huge for that. Like a giant chocolate cake or a spa weekend or something…"

"So… that was Tanya," Bella surmised. "And she's married to Rose's demon-ex. That's a little bit of a twist."

"They deserve each other," I snorted.

"Well, I hope Royce is still in once piece. Seeing him upset Rose and after hearing so many stories about him, Emmett is ready to pound the guy's face in if he moves so much as an inch the wrong way," Bella said. "So… how did you find yourself here tonight?"

"Alice is on the list," I sighed.

"Emmett was, too," Bella nodded. "And Leah from the office? Leah couldn't find a date so we went as friends… she had a spare ticket and didn't want to show up alone…"

"Yeah, well I had a spare ticket, too because Alice decided she wanted me to bring a date…" I said embarrassedly.

"That's why you asked if I had plans tonight," Bella stated in realization. "I'm sorry, Edward. If I had known… I'm sure Emmett could have set Leah up with one of the Seahawks or something…

"'Sokay. I came here with Aunt Jane," I admitted. "She's… uh…fun…"

"I think I saw her… looks kind of like your mom with pink hair…" Bella nodded. "Flashy dress, and flirting shamelessly with guys a third her age?"

"That's Aunt Jane," I confirmed.

"Well, aren't you going to introduce me?" Bella said, flashing me a wide smile. I laughed and brought her back over to where my family was gathering. Dad was chatting with Alice and Jasper while Mom and Aunt Jane were laughing together at some inside joke.

"Well, Red, who is this lovely young lady?" Aunt Jane asked without missing a beat.

"This is Bella Swan…" I said, not exactly sure how to introduce her.

"It's nice to meet you," Bella said, shaking her hand. "And it's nice to see you again, Esme."

"You look lovely dear," Mom said before shooting me a secretive wink. I was starting to think that Aunt Jane was rubbing off on my mother.

"You must be the magazine writer the family was telling me about," Aunt Jane said.

"All good I hope?" Bella smiled, even though there was a hint of nervousness in his voice.

"Of course, hon!" Aunt Jane chortled. "But even if they hadn't told me anything about you, I would have known you were as pretty as a peach with a brain to boot. If I know anything about those Cullen men it's that they have excellent taste. I mean look at the dish Carlisle married over here." Aunt Jane bumped her hip up against Mom who laughed.

"If you could pardon me for a second," Bella said to them. "I haven't had a chance to congratulate Alice. I'm sure you're very proud.

"Alice has worked very hard to get where she is," Mom nodded. Bella slipped off to talk with Alice leaving me alone with my mother and aunt.

"Well, she certainly is a looker," Aunt Jane said to me with a wiggle of her eyebrows. "Why did you bring an old bag like me when you could have had a hot young thing like that for your arm candy?"

"Bella had already promised to come with a friend," I said. "Besides, I always have a good time with you, Aunt Jane."

"Carlisle certainly taught the boy well in the flattery department," Aunt Jane winked a mom.

"So, who is Bella here with?" Mom asked curiously.

"One of her co-workers at _Femme_ was honored and asked her to come as moral support," I said. "Her roommates boyfriend is on the list too." After speaking with Alice, Bella returned to my side and, even though she didn't have to, threaded her arms through mine.

"Well, Es," Dad said, putting his arm around my mother's shoulders. "It's a bit late for me. What do you say we turn in early and let the kids have some fun without us stuffy old fogies around?

"Alright," Mom smiled.

"Since I'm not an old fogie and I think the two of you would appreciate some alone time I'll stick around," Aunt Jane said with a wink.

"I should probably go check on Leah. And Rose and Emmett with Royce being here and all," Bella admitted.

"I'll tagalong in case you need back up," I agreed with her.

Bella led me toward the bar where she said she had left Leah, but couldn't find her. However, while we were there, we heard a crash. Rushing to the other side of the room, we found Royce had just crash through an ice sculpture, being catapulted forward by Emmett's fist. Emmett was seething and Royce looked very drunk. Then again, I figured it would take some liquid courage to get up in the face of a big guy like Emmett. I tried to shake the thoughts of my own drunken encounter with Hank out of my mind.

"You say one more word about my girl and you'll end up at the bottom of the Sound!" Emmett said angrily to Royce.

Tanya rushed over and knelt beside Royce, who was disoriented and trying to figure out why he was on the ground on top of a broken ice sculpture. Emmett had his arms around Rose in a comforting gesture while Rose looked a little like she had been crying. Emmett smoothed down Rose's hair and then turned to see Bella and me standing there, surveying the entire scene. He led Rose over to where we were standing.

"We're thinking about heading home after that…." Emmett said. "You wanna tell Leah?

"Is everything okay?" Bella asked Rose worriedly.

"He just said some things," Rose said, drying her eyes. "Nothing major."

"Doesn't seem like 'nothing major, Bella pointed out. "I mean, he met the business end of Emmett's fist…"

"Good shot by the way," I said to Emmett. "I wish I could throw a clean punch like that."

"Thanks. Maybe I'll show you some time," Emmett said, trying not to sound too prideful.

"What happened? We heard a big crash…" Alice said, suddenly appearing behind us.

"Why is my cousin crying?" Jasper wanted to know, looking at Emmett.

"Royce," Emmett said tersely.

"Where is the bastard?" Jasper asked.

"I'll go find Leah," Bella noded. "And uh… you guys might want to head out…" We all looked to the ruins of the ice sculpture. Royce was gone and Tanya was angrily yelling at the wait staff as well as the event planners, who were basically trying to kick her out of the venue without causing a scene.

"Meet you at the car?" Rose said to Bella.

"Sure. And we're going to talk about this later," Bella informed her. "I want to know what happened." Rose nodded and Emmett, holding her close to his side, led her out. Bella sighed and turned to me. "I'm sorry about this. I'm glad Rose has Emmett. After a bastard like Royce, she needed someone to help restore her faith in men."

"We're going out there with them," Jasper informed us. "I want to make sure Rose is okay."

"I think Emmett's taking good enough care of her," Alice said with a wiggle of her eyebrows very reminiscent of Aunt Jane. "But just in case, let's get Aunt Jane too. I don't see much point in sticking around much longer." The two of them followed after Emmett and Rose, leaving Bella and I to watch as Tanya was getting led out of the room.

"You know, this evening got much better after you showed up," I told Bella. "The rest of this is just icing."

"Nothing like seeing your ex humiliated in public, huh?" Bella laughed. I blushed and followed as she went to find her friend. "Leah was at the bar… but… I don't know… She was talking with Jacob Black…"

"She smoke?" I asked. "Might be outside…"

"Only when she's super stressed," Bella shrugged, "but tonight might qualify…"

We headed out to the deck reserved for smoking and sure enough, we found both Leah and Jacob Black. However, it was not in the way we expected. Jacob Black had Royce but his arms, holding Royce's arms around his neck and standing in front of Leah, giving her a clear shot at Black. Leah took a puff on her cigarette and then dropped it to the ground extinguishing it with the heel of her shoe.

"Come on. I'm holding him down. You can get a good shot in!" Jacob encouraged her.

"What is this? Punch Royce King in the face day?" Royce slurred out loud.

"What's going on?" Bella demanded to know.

"I left the bar to get a cigarette and this one followed me out here like a puppy," Leah explained, pointing to Jacob. "I'm in the middle of telling him to buzz of for the millionth time when this one," she said pointing at Royce, "thinks it's perfectly okay to just walk up and squeeze my ass. I know it's tempting, but hands of the merchandise, creep-o!

"I got you a good shot," Jacob continued, still holding on to a struggling Royce. "Right in his pretty boy smart mouth."

"Leah… I don't think…" Bella was unable to finish her sentence as Leah's fist came in sharp connection with Royce's jaw. Upon the impact, Royce slackened toward the floor.

"That's so you'll remember 'no means no, Leah yelled at him. Jacob straightened Royce up and turned him around then landed a punch into his nose that caused Royce to twirl around twice before crumpling to the floor.

"And that's for giving the rest of us guys a bad name," Jacob informed him. I honestly didn't think Royce heard him, though, because he was moaning and semi-unconscious on the floor.

"Leah… we're getting ready to head out…" Bella began. "Do you think…"

"Actually," Leah said with a blush, "Jacob offered to go get burgers, you know, considering the light and fluffy crap they served tonight was hardly filling."

"Really?" Jacob beamed, like a kid on Christmas.

"Uh…okay… see you Monday?" Bella smiled.

"Sure thing," Leah grinned back.

"Well, we should go meet up with everyone," Bella suggested. I nodded and the two of us headed out to the parking lot together.

"That was crazy," I laughed as we hit the elevator.

"I know," Bella sighed. "Look, I'm sorry that when you asked me to come tonight…"

"Hey, it's okay…" I began.

"No, Edward it's…" she started in.

"Bella, I know my Aunt Jane is a little… out there… but she has a saying that I think really fits tonight," I said. "She always told Alice and me growing up that it's not who you came with but who you leave with. And… well… if I'm leaving with you then I'd call tonight a success."

"Your Aunt Jane seems like a pretty smart woman," Bella grinned. Before I could talk myself into chickening out and ruining the Hollywood moment, I leaned over and gave Bella a kiss I hoped she would remember.

I honestly don't know how long we made out in the elevator, but it was hard to pull away when we heard the ding telling us we had reached the lobby. Bella couldn't stop giggling and I couldn't stop grinning. We walked into the parking lot, hand in hand.


	31. Chapter 31

**BPOV**

I had to admit the Forty Under Forty turned out to be the most entertaining evening in a long time. After all, it's hard _not _to enjoy an evening where a bastard like Royce King gets what's coming to him _and_ you end up making out in an elevator with a hot guy wearing a very form fitting tux. It took a little effort to peel myself off of Edward when we reached the ground floor, but I also knew I had to check on Rose and make sure she was okay. Emmett and Jasper were conversing quietly together while Alice and Rose were laughing as Rose sat in the passenger seat of Emmett's car.

Shortly after we arrived there, Jasper and Alice bid their goodbyes to everyone. Alice apparently had an afternoon wedding the next day and needed to get home. Jasper made Rose promise to call him or hit him up on Facebook when she got a chance. Getting to meet Royce and seeing what a jerk the guy was apparently made Jasper feel a little bad that he hadn't been looking for his little cousin as well in the past few years. Before they left, Alice also told Edward that Aunt Jane had already gone home with one of the senior editors of the _Puget Sound Business Journal_ and seemed to be working on husband number four. Edward said that sort of thing was par for the course for his Aunt Jane.

Rose told me that she was going home with Emmett for the evening but the two of them could drop Leah and me off wherever we needed to go. I told Rose that Leah had left with a "friend" she had met. Edward quickly volunteered to take me home and, ignoring Rose's quirked eyebrows, I agreed. I had to get Edward out of there and back to his car before Emmett started making highly inappropriate jokes. The night had already gotten too weird for my taste and the last thing I needed was Emmett taking it in a perverted direction.

"So, Rose'll be okay?" Edward asked as he started the engine of his car.

"Yeah," I nodded. "Emmett's very supportive and honestly, if Rose needs anything tonight it's to be reminded that all guys aren't like Royce. If your ex wasn't a bitch I'd feel sorry she wound up with Royce."

"I want to chock that one up to karma," Edward agreed. "Although, I do feel sorry for the kid they're having. I know it's an awful thing to say about a baby, but with parents like that the kid must have done something really heinous in a past life." I laughed and Edward shot me one of his heart melting grins, obviously pleased that he had made me laugh.

"So, does your aunt live in Washington?" I asked Edward.

"Her home base is technically San Francisco, but she's probably only at her house a couple days out of the month," Edward explained. "She's a photographer and has enough left over from her divorces that she can travel and do what she wants without having to worry about money."

"Must be nice," I nodded.

"She was in California before coming up here and was in Egypt before that," Edward continued. "She's going on some tour of southeast Asia in a few weeks and then she will be doing a train tour of Europe in the fall. I think she is going to a friend's wedding in South Africa between the two of those. Mom said she was restless, even as a baby. Always had to be going somewhere and could never sit still. Alice was kind of the same way."

"I could see Alice turning out like your aunt," I nodded. "They seem very similar."

"Alice definitely takes after mom's side," Edward nodded as we came up to my building.

"So…do you want to come up?" I said. My voice came out much throatier than I meant it to and, nervously, I backtracked. "You know, for coffee or something. And there's a leftover cheesecake in the fridge that someone needs to eat up. I think we have some buffalo wings from when Emmett showed up to do his laundry and ordered dinner…"

"Sure. I'll come in," Edward smiled. "There wasn't that much to eat there tonight anyway. For a business publication you'd think they would want to splurge."

"Believe me, those appetizers cost a lot even if they weren't very filling," I laughed.

"They should have saved money and gotten those mini hamburger things," Edward said.

"You and Emmett are on the same wavelength," I rolled my eyes.

When we got up to the apartment, Edward went to flip through the channels on our TV while I changed out of my dress and into something more comfortable, i.e. an old UDub t-shirt and some sweat pants. When I came out, Edward had dressed down too, taking off most of his tux and just sitting there in his white t-shirt, black slacks and nice leather shoes. He had neatly folded the rest of his ensemble over the back of the couch to take home later.

"You can take your shoes off," I assured him.

"Oh…okay," Edward said, leaning forward to slip them off. "I wasn't sure if there were any particular house rules about that sort of thing…"

"No rules," I shook my head, "but believe me, there is nothing more entertaining than when Rose gets home and chucks off her high heels. She picks out these shoes because she likes how they look but they're so uncomfortable she slams them on the floor or against the wall when she gets home out of frustration. Emmett was in the line of fire one. He told her the pain was what she got for putting style over comfort, but he wasn't smart enough to realize Rose still had one of her shoes in her hand. The doctor said if the stiletto heel was just about a centimeter from popping his eye ball out."

"See, my dad always taught me the only remark you ever make about a woman's apparel is that she looks good in it," Edward nodded. "You try to avoid asking how much or saying anything about it that could even be misconstrued as negative."

"Your dad is a smart man," I said, heading into the kitchen.

"Yeah. Guess that's why he's a doctor," Edward laughed.

"So… what do you want to pig out on?" I asked. "We have ice cream, left over Chinese food, half a bucket of buffalo wings, a third of a pepperoni pizza and some lasanga leftovers."

"Yes please," Edward grinned.

"You sure you don't want anything else?" I teased him.

"What else do you have?" Edward asked.

"Um… some vegetables… and Rose has stored a facial cream in here for some reason," I said, sifting through the lackluster contents of our fridge.

"Nah, all the other stuff should be good," Edward nodded as I began pulling out the various food items. Edward came over to help me out.

"Oh, we might have a bag of chips in the drawer beside the dishwasher," I said.

Within fifteen minutes, Edward and I were both pigging out on our verifiable junk food feast in front of the TV, sharing a large fleece blanket Rose and I used to take to UDub football games to cuddle up with. Edward and I were both huge fans of true crime shows and found ourselves watching a marathon about unusual murder weapons that was on that night. I was surprised that someone had the gumption to beat someone to death with a toilet tank lid Edward informed me that his father had operated on his share of murder victims but probably the weirdest mode of death was a guy who had attempted suicide via a staple gun.

"Should we be watching this at one in the morning?" I asked Edward suddenly. "I'm going to have nightmares that Rose is going to get pissed with me over not doing the dishes and then lobotomize me with a screwdriver or something…"

"We can watch some Scooby Doo," Edward said, flipping through the channels. "Unless you're afraid of getting nightmares about corrupt land developers dressing up as ghosts to scare people away from property they want to buy for cheap."

"Alright," I agreed.

Sometime during the night, Edward and I feel asleep. I know this because I woke up the next morning to Rose and Emmett's loud laughter as they took in the site of the two of us cuddled up in front of the TV. We were snuggled against each other under the blanket and on the couch, takeout containers littered all over the coffee table and Edward's right sock-covered foot stuck in the empty bucket of buffalo wings. I was a little bit mortified but that turned into absolute mortification when Rose and Emmett led out an annoyed "aww" when I sat up enough to reveal Edward and I were both fully clothed.

"What?" I grimaced at the two of them.

"Seriously, Bells, you tried to seduce the guys in your Huskies shirt and ratty Forks Police Department trainee sweats?" Rose snorted.

"Shut up," I glowered.

"Hey! You guys ate my chicken!" Emmett said, annoyed.

"You didn't put your name on it?"

"What's going on?" Edward asked, rubbing his eyes and slowly set up.

"I'm guessing you and Bella had a food orgy," Emmett said. "And you ate my wings."

"They didn't have your name on them," Edward mumbled, half asleep. He laid back down on the couch, bringing a cushion closer to his head and more fully wrapping the blanket around himself.

"Why is the TV showing a baldness infomercial?" Rose asked, picking up the remote to turn things off.

"Long story," I groaned. I looked at the trash left over from Edward's and my late-night fridge raiding. "I'll start cleaning up."

"Well, at least you got part of the boy's clothes off," Emmett said, gesturing to Edward's clothing left on the top part of the couch. "Maybe if you had pulled out the big guns last night and made those loaded nachos Swan-style he would have taken it all off."

"Shut up Emmett," I glowered at him.

"What's going on?" Edward asked, sitting up again.

"Those nachos are pretty epic," Emmett said. "You think you could make some tonight?"

"Get Rose to make them for you," I snorted. "She's your girlfriend."

"What?" Rose yelled from where she had disappeared back in her room.

"What is Rose making?" Edward asked, slowing coming back into consciousness.

"Dude, tell Bella to make her super epic nachos for you," Emmett said. "In fact, tell her to make them for all of us. We can have a night of it…"

"What nachos?" Edward asked, stretching and noticing that I was starting to clean up the table. Without saying anything, he stood up and went to fetch the trash can for me.

"It's nothing," I blushed.

"No, dude, it's awesome," Emmett insisted. "She makes these loaded nachos with all these taco meat, tomatoes, chiles, cheese, green onions, sour cream and shit but instead of using regular chips she uses different kinds of Doritos!"

"It's not that big a deal," I insisted as Edward helped me toss away a few take out boxes. "I mean, it's just regular loaded nachos with Doritos. I'm hardly the first person who thought of it. I mean, hungry college freshmen will eat a lot of things, you know?"

"It's a nacho orgasm in my mouth," Emmett informed Edward.

"Are you talking about Bella's loaded nachos?" Rose asked, coming into the room. Her hair was up in a ponytail now and she had changed out the t-shirt and pants she obviously had left at Emmett's to avoid doing a walk of shame.

"It sounds good," Edward acquiesced.

"You should totally make some Bella," Emmett said.

"Really, Edward," Rose said with a malicious grin on her face. "You haven't lived until you've tried these…"

"Rose…" I cautioned.

"Seriously, Edward, you got anything major planned today?" Rose asked him.

"I have dinner with my folks and my aunt tonight… that is if my aunt hasn't taken off to Tahiti with that guy from last night," Edward shrugged.

"Perfect. Emmett and I will go down to the grocery store and get the ingredients," Rose said. "The two of you can just hang around here. Edward, maybe you can talk Bella into parting with her taco seasoning recipe…"

"You really don't have to stay," I assured Edward. "I'm sure you probably want to get home and change into something more comfortable…"

"Dude can borrow some of my sweatpants," Emmett said. "I've got like five pairs over here anyway. They may be pretty loose around the hips, but they've got drawstrings."

"You don't have to stick around just to be polite," I insisted to Edward.

"Sure, if you don't mind," Edward said to Emmett. "I wouldn't want to get anything on these pants. Dry cleaning is expensive."

"Oh, dude, don't get me started on the time I spilled a chili dog all over my best suit," Emmett groaned. "I could have bought my own hot dog stand with the money they charged me to clean it…"

Edward followed Emmett into Rose's bedroom to retrieve the new pants, leaving me to turn to face Rose. She was grinning at me like the cat who ate the canary and I was not pleased. I knew she probably wanted to play twenty questions with me about what happened the night before, but I was too annoyed to answer her questions. Sure, it was great that Edward was essentially going to spend the day with me but I kind of didn't want Emmett and Rose hanging around.

"Seriously, Bella, Emmett and I give you a night alone with the guy and you don't even get his clothes off," Rose shook her head.

"Not everything is about taking your clothes off, Rose," I snorted.

"I know you're pissed, but you should be thanking me," Rose said. "If my mother was ever right about anything it's that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. You make those nachos for that boy and he will be eating out of the palm of your hand."

"Rose, you can't cook," I pointed out.

"I can make a mean potato salad," Rose snorted. "Two bites of that shit and Emmett was professing his undying love for me. See, they may not own up to it but men have just as much of a ticking biological clock as women. I bet seeing you all hot and sweaty slaving over a hot stove is just the thing to set off Edward's alarm and make him want to put his baby goo inside you."

"First of all, gross," I said, pulling a face, "and second of all, you sound like Grammy Higginbotham when she gets liquored up over the holidays."

"Look, Bells, I'm just as much an independent woman as you are," Rose pointed out. "I've done the marriage thing and fucked it up royally. I'm not saying that you have to settle down and make babies with him just because he's a nice guy. What I'm saying is that he's a nice guy and if you ever got to the point you wanted to settle down with someone… well, you could do a helluva lot worse."

"I seriously doubt making a plate of nachos is going to warrant a marriage proposal," I snorted.

"Yeah, Bells," Rose snorted. "We'll see…"

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><p><strong>AN: As a bit of a true crime/crime fiction buff myself, I would have to say my favorite use of an unconventional weapon is Roald Dahl's "Lamb to the Slaughter." If you haven't read this short story, I highly recommend you check it out. Also, loaded nachos are my thing.**


	32. Chapter 32

**EPOV**

I have to admit I was skeptical about wearing another man's pants but Emmett's old sweatpants, or "longue pants" as he refers to them, were quite comfy. I thought they would be uncomfortable, swallowing me whole or making me feel like I was wearing a dress or those god awful genie pants Alice adored in high school. However, it just felt comfy like being wrapped in a warm blanket around my legs. Sure, the draw string was triple knotted to prevent me from sagging like a gansta rapper or prison bitch, but it also gave me enough room for what the good Lord gave me to hang comfortably and not all squashed up and unbearable like those tight-wad dress pants. The boys were glad to be free and breezy rather than being restricted. But I digress.

Emmett was a pretty great guy and I liked him even more sober than I did when he was drunk and acting like he was five. He made some joke in reference to Bella's nacho recipe that involved me munching on a Bella taco. I told him I thought it was a little rude and crass, but sort of funny. Emmett told me I was an alright guy to be hanging around the girl who was practically his little sister. It was nice to hear that since, as an older brother myself, I knew an older brother's approval is hard to come by.

"Of course, just because I like you doesn't mean I won't rip your balls off if you hurt her," Emmett pointed out, twirling one of Rose's discarded lacy bras around his index finger. "Then again, I can only rip your balls off if Rose hasn't killed you first and Rose can only kill you if she finds you before Charlie Swan tortures you to death in a pit somewhere in all those thick woods in the peninsula."

"I take it Charlie Swan is a tough character," I remarked. I'm sure Emmett knew the tactic: hunting for information on the girl's father so you can make a good first impression.

"That'll be Chief Charles Swan to you and any other guy he thinks is after Bella's goodies," Emmett agreed. "He's got probably the biggest gun collection I've ever seen and you better believe if Bella ever takes you home that will just coincidentally be the day he decides to clean every one of them. Luckily, since he knew I was with Rose he only cleaned the pistols that day. But Charlie Swan doesn't trust anything male around his baby girl. In addition to that, he'll run the quasi-legal background check on you and put the make, model and license plate number of your car out over the radio so every cop in the tri-county area knows they have full license to harass you."

"Anything else to look forward too?" I asked.

"He'll also put you through the third-degree," Emmett nodded. "Forks is pretty low in the per capita murder rate, so Charlie Swan uses all those grilling suspect techniques on his daughter's love interests. Let me tell you, when the three of us went down there to celebrate Memorial Day weekend, the man interrogated me on everything from my job to my parents to what kind of beer I like and by the end, I was willing to confess to being the Zodiac Killer or something if that meant he'd lay off me. And Charlie Swan is real particular. He'll write you off completely if you don't like his favorite brand of beer or root for his teams. And the kicker is when he takes you on the fishing trip. Never been on one myself, but I've seen bad things happen to guys who go on the fishing trip."

"What happens on the fishing trip?" I asked with a gulp.

"From what I've been able to deduce, it's some sort of strange male bonding ritual between the father and proposed suitor that involves waking up early and going out to find salmon or trout in the national park. It's like the final test almost. If you pass, Charlie won't completely lay off he will stop actively and aggressively attempting to sabotage the relationship. If you fail… let's just say Bella swears her dad attempted to drown her college boyfriend. Guy never went back to Forks again. Thought Charlie was going to kill him or something."

"Shit," I muttered. "All my dad did with Alice's boyfriends is tell them he knew how restart a heart but he knew even more ways to stop one should the occasion arrive. Anything else?"

"Yeah, they once asked Chuck Norris what he was most afraid of and he said Charlie Swan," Emmett said. "Or at least that's the joke around the Forks Police Department."

"He's going to kill me and bury my body where no one will ever find it, isn't he?" I asked Emmett gravely. Emmett just nodded.

"Well, I should get out there before Rose thinks I'm purposely holding up the grocery shopping trip," Emmett said. "If I'm good, she'll let me get Lucky Charms."

"You and Rose are pretty serious, huh?" I asked.

"Yeah," Emmett said, more solemnly than you'd expect from a guy who's head-over-heels in love, "but I don't want her to think things are getting so serious she needs to bolt. I mean, when you settle down the first time and it not only doesn't work out but ends in disaster, I guess it makes sense to be more skittish the second time around. But it sucks to be paying for some other douchebag's mistakes, you know?" I nodded and the two of us returned to the living room so I could model off Emmett's "longue pants."

"Ready to go babe?" Emmett asked Rose as she fished around for her purse.

"Sure thing," Rose nodded, "but you better prepared to be my pack mule, you big lug."

"You know I love being your ass, Rosie," Emmett cackled. With a wave, Rose sauntered out of the room, putting a little extra sway into her hips. Emmett followed her out with a slight slouch, reminding me a little of a transfixed caveman.

"They should consider going as Tarzan and Jane this Halloween," I remarked to Bella after they disappeared.

"I'll point that out to Rose," Bella nodded. "This past year they went as King Kong and Fay Wray. Goldilocks and a bear were also thrown out their too."

"I could see Fred and Wilma Flintstone as well," I said thoughtfully.

"I'll mention it to Rose," Bella shrugged. "I don't get the whole couple's costumes thing, though."

"Alice is like that," I rolled my eyes. "She always convinces whatever guy she's with to dress up with her. Jasper's been the cowboy to her saloon girl and the gangster to her flapper before. I'm just glad it's not me anymore."

"What do you mean?" Bella asked, motioning for me to join her on the couch.

"Mom liked to dress Alice and me in matching costumes growing up," I explained. "One year, I was the Big Bad Wolf to her Little Red Riding Hood. I was the frog to her medieval princess, the T-Bird to her Pink Lady, and a mummy when she went as Cleopatra. When I was about ten I finally put my foot down. I wanted to go as something scary and I didn't want to match with Alice that year. My dad convinced my mom I only had a few prime trick-or-treating years left, so she relented. Alice, however, through a massive temper tantrum so dad had to be the football player to match her cheerleader costume that year."

"Stories like that make me glad I'm an only child," Bella laughed.

"I'd offer you Alice, but I don't think my parents would go along with it," I shrugged.

Bella and I goofed off until Rose and Emmett returned home about an hour later with all of the grocery store items needed for Bella's recipe, plus a little more. Rose grumbled about how they would have been back sooner, but it was Sample Saturday so Emmett had held her up to get free food. I helped Emmett bring up the food from Rose's car since Rose was not in a good mood and Emmett decided to stay out of her hair until she calmed down. He also confessed to me that he may have almost gotten them kicked out of the store for taking multiple mini-hot dog samples.

In an attempt to appease Rose, Emmett cuddled up with her in front of the TV and agreed to watch one of her reality shows rather than his favorite channel ESPN. I didn't want to intrude on their couple time and since there was nowhere else for me to hang out other than the bedrooms and bathrooms, I joined Bella in the kitchen as she started in on her cooking. I heard her muttering something under her breath about Rose, her grandmother and June Cleaver, but I decided to ignore whatever it was. She blushed upon seeing I had entered the room and witnessed her muttering to herself.

"Do you need any help with anything?" I asked. "Rose and Emmett are getting cozy on the couch, so I thought it would best not to disturb them…"

"Uh, sure…" Bella said, looking around for something for me to do.

"Can you cut up the tomatoes? Small diced slices please," Bella said.

"Sure," I nodded, moving over to where she had three freshly washed tomatoes placed on a cutting board. As I began to cut, Bella busied herself with the taco meat in a pan, adding in a pinch of spices here and there. "So…uh…thanks for letting me stay over. I didn't realize I was that tired, so it was probably a good thing I didn't drive home last night…"

"No problem," Bella shrugged. "Besides, I did say I was going to hang out with you today, didn't I?"

"Yeah," I grinned back at her, "you did."

"Of course, I doubt being my kitchen assistant was what you had in mind," Bella said, raking a break from the meat on the stove to pour a bunch of nacho chips onto metal cookie sheet.

"No, this is fun," I insisted.

"Tell me how fun it is in a minute when I make you cut up the onion," Bella smirked. She sprinkled something on the nacho chips and then slid them into the oven.

"What's that for?" I asked.

"I just think it tastes better if you heat the chips up a little," Bella shrugged before going back to the pan of meat on the stove. "I'm sure you had something in store for today that's much more fun than watching Rose and Emmett fight over the remote…"

"Actually, that is pretty entertaining," I shrugged. I thought for a moment and realized Bella might be hinting that she would like out of her own apartment over the weekend. "I mean, if you still want to do something, I'm sure we could find something this afternoon…"

"I don't want to interrupt you visiting with your family," Bella insisted. "Your aunt leaves soon, doesn't she?

"Then come with me," I suggested. "Seriously, Aunt Jane will love you and I promise, she's a hoot. Especially when she starts ribbing my mom."

"I wouldn't want to intrude," Bella said.

"I think Jasper would like the attention taken off him, to tell the truth," I smirked.

"Alright," Bella laughed. "Your family is pretty fun anyway."

"We'll just have to think of a reason why you'll need to be home if we want to leave at a reasonable hour," I nodded. "Since you're a guest, Mom will bend over backward to make sure you're where you need to be on time. If I tried to pull that, she'd tell me whatever it was couldn't be more important than family and I needed to stay another hour. Seriously, I could be the only person in the universe capable of disarming a nuclear bomb or something but mom wouldn't let me go because I hadn't spent enough time with the family."

"Alright," Bella laughed. "I'll be your excuse."

Since I had a hard time cooking anything outside of a microwave, I honestly had no idea how Bella was making her entire nacho salad thing and so I just cut up the various vegetables she asked me to and then let her put them into the giant bowl she had set aside for the meal. When all I could do with the vegetables was done, Bella asked me to see to setting out plates and alerting Rose and Emmett to the fact that lunch was ready. Emmett rushed into the room and nearly knocking me over, ran straight to where Bella's bit bowl of loaded nachos was spread out on the kitchen counter.

"Emmett! Wait your turn!" Rose hissed at him.

Emmett pouted and waited in a corner of the kitchen, shifting his weight from one foot to another like an antsy child while the rest of us got our fill. I wished I had gotten a little more since, after everyone else had gotten what they wanted, Emmett grabbed the entire rest of the bowl and dug in. Rose rolled his eyes at her boyfriend but didn't say anything. Bella seemed a little bemused by Emmett's antics but again didn't say anything. I figured this behavior must be normal for Emmett, so I didn't say anything either. Since Bella and I had cooked, Rose volunteered herself and Emmett to clean, though Emmett didn't seem to be very happy about that.

With lunch over, I decided to head home and change so my parents wouldn't wonder why I had shown up that night in some of my clothes from the night before as well as some too-big-for-my-frame sweatpants. Certainly, my parents wouldn't say anything even if they assumed Bella and I had spent the night together. However, Aunt Jane would definitely not only notice but make the fact I had spent the night at Bella's the theme of the evening. I promised Bella that I would be back to pick her up in time for dinner before heading out as well.

"So… everyone will be there tonight?" Bella asked curiously.

"Yeah," I nodded, "but it won't be like the last time, I don't think. Things are pretty toned down when Aunt Jane is around. She's not one for formalities."

"Casual dress then?" Bella asked.

"Definitely," I nodded. "Aunt Jane might even show up in her pajamas… not that most of her night clothes are publicly acceptable…"

"There's a story to that," Bella smirked.

"Ask Alice," I shivered. "I really don't want to remember the night before my high school graduation."

Bella and I stood there in the doorway of her apartment for a moment, neither one of us seeming to know what to do. I couldn't believe I was freezing up like that after making out with Bella in an elevator the night before and cuddling up with her on the living room floor for most of the night. Finally, I leaned in and gave Bella a soft kiss on the cheek. I pulled back from Bella only to see her frown a little bit, obviously not entirely satisfied with my cheek kiss. I decided if I was going to have to leave Bella, I was going to at least leave her with a smile on her face. On the second try, I buried my nerves and managed to give her a not-so-chaste kiss on the lips. When I pulled back again, Bella was slightly flushed and giggled goodbye to me. Satisfied myself, I headed down out of the building and back home.

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><p><strong>AN: Lounge pants totally come from my cousin. He came into the living room wearing "Hulk" pajama bottoms at noon and my grandmother told him to "get dressed and greet the day." He responded by saying he was dressed. She told him pajamas weren't proper attire and he replied he wasn't wearing pajamas; he was wearing "lounge pants." Teenage boys can be pretty funny.**


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N: This is getting posted tonight because I am honestly super busy tomorrow and didn't think I would have a chance to post until Sunday otherwise.**

* * *

><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

Even if Edward said his family's dinner that night was going to be casual, I still wanted to dress to impress. I didn't want to dress like a slut but I didn't want to exactly go in a ratty shirt and my exercise pants. Understanding my predicament, Rose threw Emmett out of our apartment, giving him some leftovers to take home to get him to leave with minimal complaints. She then came back into my room where the two of us stood before the massive quandary this my closet and personal wardrobe.

"Alice was right. My clothes suck," I grimaced.

"You could borrow something from my closet," Rose suggested.

"I want to look respectable, not like some woman out to seduce their son," I snorted.

"Bitch, my wardrobe is fabulous," Rose huffed.

"You wear lacy red corsets under your pinstripe power suites all the time. You wear corsets to work," I reminded her.

"Yeah, but no one other than Emmett has ever seen the corset under the blazer," Rose shrugged. "Besides, it makes me feel sexy and confident. And when I feel confident, it helps me win cases. Sexy corsets may help make junior partner."

"Whatever," I sighed. "I seriously doubt that sexy corsets will impress someone's parents. Did you wear a sexy corset when you met Emmett's parents for the first time?"

"No," Rose grimaced, "although that didn't stop him from trying to stick his hand up my skirt during dinner. And he had no idea why attempting to feel me up in front of his parents would piss me off!"

I went through my closet a second time and, after some gentle chiding from Rose, managed to pick out a nice blouse and some slacks I normally wore to work. I knew Edward said he was going to be more casual than anything, but I knew I had few chances to make good impressions on the Cullens. Rose flopped on my bed as I got dressed, curling up with my pillow and sighing.

"I hope you're wearing sexy underwear under that," Rose informed me.

"Uh, why?" I snorted.

"Well, you may want his parents to like you, but I'm sure you don't want Edward to pull of your ratty, period panties when he goes down on you later tonight," Rose shrugged.

"Rose!" I gasped.

"What?" Rose snorted. "Just because you're a good girl doesn't mean you don't get naughty in bed. And I'm sure Edward would appreciate the gesture. I know Emmett likes it when I show off some sexy lingerie to him, even if he can't help but rip it off a few seconds after I show it off to him…"

"So, you never told me what I did that got Emmett so pissed last night," I said, hoping to change the subject.

"Well, before you rescued me out of the lady's room he had been telling me how awesome his new wife is and all the things she'll do in bed that I had too many principles for," Rose said. "Anyway, sometime between I was hiding in the bathroom and when we ran into him again he had gotten really drunk. Suddenly, it was less 'my wife is a kinky vixen in bed' and instead he found me and was sobbing all over me about how he was miserable and his wife is pregnant and she's going to get fat and ugly. Then, right in front of Emmett, he put his hand down my dress, groped my boob and asked me if I would like a quick fuck for old time's sake."

"I'm guessing Emmett wasn't thrilled," I nodded.

"Nope," Rose said. "Emmett told him to lay off then Royce decided to get…uh… detailed about things he used to do in bed that I liked…or at least that he thought I liked… I seriously don't know why I married him after all the times I faked it… anyway, that _really_ pissed Emmett off. Which, I have to admit, was really sexy. Emmett was so sweet defending me, and then afterwards he kept asking me if I was okay and cuddling with me… Royce hated cuddling, you know. He didn't understand that sometimes we women just need to be cuddled. Emmett gets that. He's my big teddy bear…"

"I really think you should stop that line of thought now before you start telling me things I'll want to bleach out of my brain," I snorted. "No offense Rose, but the thought of you and Emmett getting it on is about as attractive to me as the thought of my parents getting it on."

"Silly Bella, how do you think you got here?" Rose snorted.

"Dad plucked me out of the cabbage patch out back," I said.

"Like the cabbage patch dolls?" Rose laughed. "You didn't seriously believe that as a kid, did you?"

"Well, Renee gave me the whole sex and 'your body is beautiful' talk when I was ten, but I much preferred my dad's story about picking me out of the cabbage patch like my dolls," I snorted. "Much less graphic. And you can't honestly tell me there is anything good about the thought of Charlie and Renee getting in on, is there? "

"Okay, point taken, but I bet your dad was hot when he was younger," Rose pointed out. "Even if he is old now, I'm sure your mom found something sexy in a guy with a police-issued handgun and a badge. There's something sexy about authority…Do you think Sue asks him to wear his police hat to bed?"

"We are not talking about this," I ordered. "This conversation is over."

"Do you think Emmett would dress up as a naughty cop if I asked him?" Rose sighed, still cuddling up with my pillow.

"Get off my bed if you are going to think thoughts like that," I told her. Rose stuck her tongue out at me and then went to go watch TV while I finished getting dressed.

"So, is Edward your boyfriend yet?" Rose asked me as I came back into the living area, smoothing down my slacks.

"We haven't really talked about anything like that… and I can't exactly say the two of us have been on a date or anything," I admitted.

"Well, what have you done with him?" Rose asked curiously.

"You're worse than my mother," I blushed. "I mean, he spent the night… we kind of made out in an elevator… and held hands…"

"Boo, Bella. You're so middle school with this guy," Rose frowned. "And he spent the night over here and you aren't counting that as a date? I would count that as a date."

"I think of a date as him picking me up and then the two of us saying goodnight with no friends or family finding their way into the mix in between," I replied. "Technically, we've never had a full evening alone together."

"Then why the hell are you going to a family dinner with him when you could be jumping his bones?" Rose snorted.

"Family is important to Edward," I shrugged.

"Please," Rose laughed, "nothing is more important to any red-blooded American male than a nice, hard…"

"Rose," I said pointedly. "He was already going to this. I sort of just invited myself along…"

"Well, I think you need to take charge of things," Rose said. "You aren't going to get anywhere if you keep this 'let the chips fall where they may' attitude. You need to have a DTR."

"A what?" I snorted.

"A define the relationship talk," Rose replied. "Making out and spending the night without any nookie is fine and dandy, but you better let Edward know he's not about to start bluffin' with your muffin unless he takes you out on a real date and changes his Facebook status to 'in a relationship with Bella Swan.'"

"Facebook? Is that really how our generation defines relationships nowadays?" I snorted.

"Used to it was whether or not he would take you home to meet the folks or if he would come over to meet yours," Rose said. "Now it's a measure of if he will declare his love for you publicly over the internet to everyone he knows."

"I'm sorry if I don't feel entirely flattered by such a grand gesture," I snorted.

"I bet a guy like Edward would be flattered if you sent him a relationship request on Facebook. He is into computers, right?" Rose shrugged. "Of course, we should upload some sexy shots of you and take down those ones of you in overalls fishing with your dad so his computer nerd buddies can see what a hottie he landed."

"You are impossible," I rolled my eyes as my phone buzzed. Rather than let him up to help me out, I decided to just go down and meet him out front. The last thing I needed was Rose getting up in Edward's face about why he won't commit to me already.

During the drive out to his parents house, Edward and I chatted back and forth about nothing in particular. He talked about how the web site project was coming and other things he was working on. We joked about how the previous evening had turned out, and I told him a story about my misadventure with Rose when the two of us decided to drive to California for a Spring Break road trip in college. It didn't seem like we were in the car for very long when we finally pulled into his parent's driveway. Like the first time I had come to the Cullen family abode, the door was thrown open before we could even ring the bell to reveal Alice and Jasper. This time, Alice was in a cutesy little sundress but she still through her arms around me with a big bear hug.

"You brought Bella!" she squealed. "It's great to see you!" Before I could respond, she turned on her heel and went skipping off to the kitchen singing "Edward brought Bella!" at the top of her lungs.

I had to admit, I had felt overdressed when Edward showed up in the lobby wearing jeans and a t-shirt, but I felt better when I saw Alice in her nice little sundress. My feelings that I had lived up to the dress code were dashed when I saw Jasper's attire. With Alice gone, Jasper was alone, standing in the doorway holding a beer, wearing ratty jeans and a Troy Aikman jersey.

"You realize that jersey could get you stabbed around here, right?" Edward said to Jasper.

"They'd have to catch me first," Jasper shrugged before taking a sip of his brew.

"If you go missing and we tell the cops you were last seen wearing a Cowboys jersey, I don't think they'll look for you too hard," Edward said as we stepped into the house.

"That's not true," I smirked. "My dad's a cop. He'd find a guy wearing a Cowboys jersey. He's probably find a way to press charges against him, but he'd find him."

"You better come on in," Jasper laughed. "Oh, and just FYI, Aunt Jane made some real Mexican margaritas... I think she and your mom have been drinking them since three this morning. Alice's only had half of one and… well, you saw how lovey-dovey she was getting."

"Great," Edward grimaced.

We made our way into the kitchen where Alice, Esme and Aunt Jane all had a margarita in their hand. I begrudgingly noticed Aunt Jane was wearing a leopard print top, a black skirt and some thigh high boots. Esme was a little more dressed down, wearing designer denim and a nice but still pretty casual. Carlisle was out on the back porch, in a slight drizzle, grilling out steaks. Over his polo skirt and khakis was an apron that read "Trust me, I'm a doctor" with a meat thermometer on it.

"Bella!" Esme squealed, very reminiscent of Alice. "Edward, you didn't tell us we were bringing Bella!" She came over and enveloped me in a big hug, just like Alice had.

"Good job, Red," Aunt Jane winked at him. "About time you started bringing a woman around here. Let me tell you, Bella, I was about to set this one here up with his own internet dating profile. I offered to pay for you one more than once, didn't I Red?"

"Uh…yeah," Edward said, sounding embarrassed.

"So, Edward, we should probably go help Carlisle with the steaks," Jasper suggested, clapping him on t he back.

"Okay," Edward nodded, heading out to the back porch with him.

"Men," Aunt Jane snorted. "If there's a grill on anywhere they just have to be standing around it! Of course, I suppose there is a little too much estrogen in this room… Here, Bella, have one of my margaritas!" I gingerly took the huge glass thrust at me out of her hand and gave it a tentative sip. I had a feeling Aunt Jane wouldn't be satisfied until she saw me gulp some of it down.

"By the way, Bella, how is Edward doing?" Esme asked, full of motherly concerned. "Alice told me he ran into that dreadful Tanya last night! To think, I almost got stuck with her as a daughter-in-law…"

"Uh…he's fine…" I shrugged. "They just sort of caught up and then…uh… she left with her husband…"

"I can't believe that bitch actually came to me to do her baby shower!" Alice huffed, taking a really big drink. "She totally knows who I am and she knew I was trying to get in on the baby shower business! I bet she was trying to get to him, that sniveling, snarky little…"

"Well, I for one did not care for that girl," Esme snorted. "Did not care for her at all."

"Wow, that's harsh coming from Esme Platt Cullen," Aunt Jane laughed. "The last time you said you didn't care for someone it was that evil little witch Vera Schneck."

"I hate that bitch," Esme growled after another swig of her margarita. I decided from that point on just to nurse mine, especially since it was having such a powerful effect on the docile Esme.

"Whoa, mom, who is this chick?" Alice said, intrigued. "I've never heard you say that about anyone!"

"Vera Schneck was this hot little piece your dad dated in high school before he went to college in Chicago," Aunt Jane explained.

"I thought you met Daddy in college," Alice said.

"I met him my senior year when he was just starting out in med school," Esme said. "Anyway, he went off to college and came home over Christmas break to find Vera was running around on him with every good-for-nothing in town. He was pretty broken up and decided to start focusing on his studies. We'd been dating for about a year when Vera found out Carlisle was going to be a doctor. So, the two of us come home from a night out at the movies and we go into your father's place to… get a nightcap…"

"She means to bump uglies," Aunt Jane whispered to me with a snicker.

"…and there in the middle of your father's living room is Vera Schneck in a trench coat," Esme snorted. "Well, she obviously didn't see me because next thing I know, she's dropped the trench coat and is butt naked underneath. And then she has the nerve to ask your father if he's happy to see her."

"What did daddy say?" Alice asked, concerned.

"After he picked his jaw up off the floor…" Esme growled.

"He is a man, dear," Aunt Jane shrugged.

"..he introduced the two of us," Esme continued. "Vera was a little taken aback to find Carlisle had a steady girlfriend, but that didn't stop her from coming around to see him. She would show up at his lectures, in his labs, and in the library where he went with his study group. Your father felt a little sorry for her, I guess, and thought if we just ignored her she would head back home. Finally, I was able to get your father to see reason…"

"That's not how it happened," Jane huffed. She turned to Alice and me. "I found your mother's old beau, Charlie Evenson, and sent him up there, saying that Esme was going through some troubles with her new boyfriend. Sure, Charlie was scum, but he got the job done."

"Yes," Esme said, obviously still annoyed with her sister for the intervention. "Charlie showed up at my dorm, your father laid him out in the parking lot, and the next day he gave old Vera the heave-ho."

"Wasn't long after that your father finally splurged on a rock and got down on one knee," Aunt Jane nodded.

"I still have a hard time thinking of Daddy being violent," Alice shrugged.

"Sweetheart, your father can be quite chivalrous," Esme grinned.

"Are my ears burning?" Carlisle called from the back door. He walked into the kitchen with the plate of freshly cooked steaks, a slightly wet Jasper and Edward traipsing in behind him.

"Hey, sweetie," Esme grinned, sashaying over to Carlisle as he placed the plate of steak down on the kitchen counter. She gave Carlisle a sloppy kiss on the side of his face, making Jasper attempt to cover up a laugh and Edward scrunch up his nose in disgust.

"Alright, everyone," Carlisle said, obviously pleased with his wife's slightly drunken flirty behavior, "let's eat!"


	34. Chapter 34

**EPOV**

Even though I didn't really want to abandon Bella with my mother, sister and aunt in the kitchen, I knew from experience there was something dangerous about Aunt Jane's margaritas mixing with estrogen. Maybe I was throwing Bella to the wolves, but when Jasper suggested we join dad on the patio, I leap at the chance to get out of the danger zone. We found Dad outside ignoring the drizzle and adding his own secret spice mixture to the steaks on the grill. He was wearing the old apron Alice and I had gotten him as a joke one father's day. He had worn it several times before at pancake breakfasts, cookouts and other food-related fundraisers for some of his patients having a hard time affording their treatments. If it wasn't against hospital regulations, I knew there were some cases where Dad would willingly fork over the cash himself.

"Good to see you son," Dad said to me. "Hope the women didn't rib you too much about Bella when you were in there."

"Nah, they're probably interrogating Bella right now," Jasper shrugged.

"So, you brought her over?" Dad asked with a grin.

"I wish you guys would act like this," I groaned.

"Alright, alright," Dad said, focusing his attention back on the steaks momentarily.

"So…uh… what did you guys do this morning?" I asked.

"Your mother, sister and aunt went shopping downtown," Dad said. "I don't think I'm going to look at my next credit card bill now. Jasper and I watched a movie while the ladies were out. I tried calling to see if you wanted in on the male bonding, but your phone was turned off…"

"I think my battery died last night," I lied easily, not wanting Dad to know the real reason I probably didn't pick up is because I was cuddled up against Bella under a throw blanket.

"What were you up to this morning?" Jasper asked me with raised eyebrows. I wanted to smack him for that, but I knew Alice would throw a hissy fit at me.

"I had lunch with Bella and her friends. She made this multi-layer nacho thing she learned from her mom in Arizona when she was a teenager… it was really good," I said.

"That's pretty dangerous son," Dad teased me. "When a woman cooks you something she's bringing out the big guns."

"Yep. Women in a kitchen are a sure sign of trouble," Jasper agreed.

"And when was the last time Alice made anything that remotely resembled food?" I snorted.

"Hey, your sister can toast a mean Hot Pocket," Jasper shot back. "And she always knows to get me extra biscuits when she picks something up from KFC."

"You can get Alice to eat at KFC?" I snorted.

"She usually orders a salad," Jasper admitted. "But it's the thought that counts, right? She doesn't have to go there because she doesn't really like it, but she cares enough to put hr own wants aside and pick me up a big, greasy bucked of fried chicken when I've had a bad day or when she knows I'm going to be up until two in the morning grading papers."

"You know, that was one of the things that really drew me to Esme in the beginning," Dad told us, his eyes getting a little faraway and misty as he poked at the steaks some more. "Even though we didn't have much when we were students, she always found a way to cook me something nice. Sometimes, she show up to my class and have a picnic lunch for us with some PB and J and apples. Other times, she'd bring cookies and brownies to my study group when we were prepping for a big test. Maybe it wasn't gourmet, but the fact that she cared enough to bring me something was what made it special."

"I get your point," I said. "So… who's the tiny steak in the back for?"

"Miss Priss," Dad said, as if the dog's name and general fluffy appearance didn't bother him. "She killed a rat in the garage today, so your mother and I thought she might like a treat."

"If all I have to do to get a steak is kill some rats, I'll go get you guys some mouse traps," I snorted.

"I'm surprised that little dog could take on a rat," Jasper said. "She's doesn't seem to be much bigger than one. Of course, I'm used to Texas sized rats."

"And everything's bigger in Texas?" I snorted.

"Let me tell you, my Grandpa killed one in his barn with a shovel that must have weighed over a pound," Jasper said. "Those things are big enough they can forget mouse holes. They need doggie doors to get into your house."

"Well, gentlemen, the steaks appear to be finished. I suppose we should rejoin the ladies," Dad said, beginning to pile up the steaks on a plate he had brought outside.

The impact of Aunt Jane's margaritas was pretty evident when the three of us stepped back into the kitchen. As soon as Dad set down the steaks on the counter, Mom was all over him like a clingy school girl, giggling and whispering things to him I was sure I didn't want to over here. Aunt Jane and Alice were making crass jokes with one another and laughing loudly at nothing in particular. Only Bella seemed immune to the effects of Aunt Jane's libations. I soon realized that was probably because she hadn't taken more than two sips of her giant glass. However, Bella did look a little flushed from what alcohol she had ingested.

"They didn't put you through any weird alcohol-fueled initiation rites, did they?" I whispered to Bella curiously.

"No, but you and Alice probably need to make sure your mother doesn't track down some woman named Vera Schneck and beat her to a pulp," Bella said, as I pulled her into the dining room for a more private chat.

"I don't think we have to worry about Mom beating her up," I shrugged. "If mom ever decides to get a Facebook we may have to stop her from flaming the woman's wall, but from what I understand Mom and Vera had it out during Dad's high school reunion."

"Alice had never heard of her," Bella said.

"Alice has never had a heart-to-heart with Dad after getting her heartbroken. She always went mom," I shrugged. "Alice probably knows a lot about Mom's old high school boyfriend what's his name than I do."

"What do you know?" Bella asked curiously.

"That Charlie was a nice guy at first but a few months into their relationship he started to become an alcoholic and got pretty rough with Mom," Edward explained. "Aunt Jane actually told my grandfather he was beating Mom up and grandpa had him arrested and made Mom break up with him. The fact that Aunt Jane broke her and Charlie up was one of the first reasons things caused the rift between Mom and Aunt Jane. They really fell out when Aunt Jane ran off and got married really young to her first husband, who Mom thought was going to take advantage of her. Of course, I think Mom is pretty glad now that Aunt Jane intervened."

"She wouldn't have met your dad," Bella nodded.

"She might have ended up dead," I insisted. "When Alice and I started dating Mom and Dad gave us a dating violence lecture. Mom's boyfriend is now serving life in an Ohio prison because he killed one of his girlfriends."

"What?" Bella gaped.

"Yeah," I nodded. "He came to campus to bug Mom and Dad let him know in no uncertain terms he wasn't supposed to be around Mom ever again. He went back home and started dating this girl he and Mom had gone to high school with. He got drunk, they got into it, and he stabbed her forty-six times with his hunting knife. Mom and Dad sort of used that as an example about why we should tell someone if we thought a friend was being abused."

"I can't imagine what your mother must have gone through with him," Bella shook her head.

"One of the reasons she works with domestic violence shelters," Edward shrugged.

"You two better not be making out!" Alice called as she came into the dining room followed by Jasper.

"Do Mom and Dad need any help in the kitchen?" I asked.

"No, Red, and I bet the two of them would prefer to dry hump in private," Aunt Jane chortled as she brought out the sweet potatoes.

"Jane! Really!" Mom laughed from the kitchen. I heard what sounded like someone getting swatted with a towel followed by Mom's giggles.

"Oh, don't look so sour. I think it's cute," Bella smirked at me.

"I'm sure it would be even cuter if it involved one of your parents," I replied. "What was it you said Rose told you earlier about authority?"

"Ugh, I shouldn't have told you that," Bella groaned and I laughed.

Mom and Dad started bringing in plates of salad, the steaks and a bowl of rolls. Alice, Bella, Jasper and I all offered to help, but Mom insisted on returning to get the remaining side dishes from the kitchen herself. It was another typical family dinner at the Cullen house. Bella got to sit between Aunt Jane and myself, and she seemed pretty entertained by Alice and Aunt Jane's across the table banter. Mom brought out a cheesecake as things were starting to die down for the evening. Alice groaned that Mom was trying to fatten her up while Jasper dug into his slice like it was his last meal. I knew my parents probably wanted us to stay a little bit longer after supper, but I kind of wanted Bella to myself. We left a little early, but it was enough time to get back to Seattle and maybe just have some alone time.

It was only about eight-thirty when we got back into the city, and the sun was only starting to set, one of the advantages of living on the end of a time zone. Bella agreed to stop by Myrtle Edwards Park and just walk around, looking at the bay and the rose garden in the park. It wasn't too far from where either of us lived and, though I had sometimes gone to the park to run or just to get some work done out of doors, Bella admitted she had never been to that particular park before. I had to admit it was nice to have someone to stroll through the park with hand-in-hand. Tanya would never have gone for just a walk in the park. Everything had to be "an event" with her, so someone low maintenance like Bella was a welcome reprieve.

"I can't believe I live ten minutes away and I've never been here," Bella told me as we walked through the garden. "This city has really been holding out on me."

"Maybe we should do that," I suggested. "You know, find places in the city we've never been before and go there or go to events we've never been too."

"That sounds fun," Bella conceded. "Well, I've never been to this park before, so I guess next time is your turn?"

"Okay," I grinned, just glad that there was going to be a next time. "So…uh…you aren't going to get in trouble at work for this are you?"

"For what?" Bella asked.

"Uh…us?" I said awkwardly.

"No, especially not since Irina's going to take all the credit for it," Bella laughed. "There isn't really a co-worker fraternization policy at _Femme_, but since you're sort of an independent contractor we're working with I don't think you'd fall under company policy anyway."

"Good. I wouldn't want to cause trouble, especially now that you're getting where you want to be in your career," I said.

"Ugh, don't make me think about Victoria," Bella groaned. "I seriously don't know about her… I know not every boss is going to be as nice to me as Irina, and I know Victoria is under a lot of stress in her job… I'm just really nervous about working with her, you know? She hasn't even sent me my first assignment yet and I was sure she was going to do so by the end of the week. And I don't want to go and complain because I don't want her to think I'm trying to use my friendship with Irina to get what I want. I want her to know I'm working hard for this."

"I don't think you should be worried," I assured her. "Once she sees the quality of your work, I'm sure she'll back off."

"I hope you're right," Bella sighed.

The rest of the evening was just light and no pressure. We sat together on a bench and watched the sun set over the bay and then, as it was really starting to get dark, we decided to head home for the night. I took Bella home, gave her a kiss goodnight and immediately started planning for the next time I would take her out.


	35. Chapter 35

**BPOV**

I didn't have any idea how serious Edward was about the whole doing things we'd never done before in Seattle pact until he called me up around noon Sunday afternoon. I was still basking in the glow of hanging out with him the day before, and I was pretty excited to see his name light up on my phone as I was eating my brunch of Pop Tarts and hot chocolate. I answered the phone, hoping my voice would sound sexy and not scratchy like I had just rolled out of bed, which in truth I had.

"So, I was trying to think of something I had never done in the city and an ad popped up for the Seattle Repertory Theatre," Edward told me. "They're doing a performance of '_Streetcar Named Desire_' on Tuesday and, since it's so soon and they still have tickets left, the tickets are pretty cheap. We could get a seventh row seat for under thirty bucks."

"Does it still count for you if I've never been to the theater before?" I asked curiously.

"I'm sure there will be crossover," Edward shrugged. "If you listened to my sister you'd think I never left my apartment. I mean, I work from home and I live here, so yeah, I'm here a lot. But it's not like I'm a stranger to the sunlight. Well, I am pretty pale but…"

"We're all pretty pale," I pointed out. "Anyone in the Pacific Northwest with a tan has either spent a lot of time in a tanning bed or was just born with darker skin. I honestly think you could spend a summer in Seattle and not get more than a couple extra freckles. Of course, that's just a guess. I don't think I could tan if I tried."

"We should start a support group for the freakishly pale," Edward agreed. "Or maybe an advocacy group, you know? We don't need support. We just need to treat people who live our lifestyle with equal rights. You know, we're here, our skin is translucent, get used to it."

"So, when is this play?" I asked.

"Tuesday night, around seven," Edward said. "I know it may go late, but its supposed to be a really good play. We could go out to dinner beforehand… I could pick you up from your place, give you some time to do some things around your apartment before we leave…"

"Alright," I conceded. "So, in the mean time, should I be thinking for something new to do in Seattle?"

"Sure," Edward said. "I guess anything you wanted to do after Tuesday would be fair since it'll be your turn then and all."

"I am glad you took me to the park," I told him. "I really enjoyed last night.

"Me too," Edward said in an awkward voice. "You know, spending time with you…Mom wants me to bring you around ever Sunday night for family dinner now, but I mean… you don't need to feel obligated. I don't want you to feel rushed or anything… Mom and Dad really like you… not that they wouldn't have any reason not to… I really like you… I mean, you can come if you want… or not… I'm going to shut up now."

"It's fine," I laughed. "Unless there are any unforeseen circumstances, I think I could swing some Sunday night dinners. You know, unless it would make you feel uncomfortable…"

"Why would it make me uncomfortable?" Edward snorted. "My family makes me uncomfortable. The fact that you're there is the only thing that has made some of those dinners bearable."

"I'm sure they don't get that bad," I laughed.

"I once wrote out a pro and con list on my napkin about drowning myself in Mom's pea soup because Alice spent thirty minutes talking about her shoes," Edward said. "I'm giving you advance warning now because you can still back out, Bella. Dad likes to talk about gross medical stuff and the dinner table, which everyone else treats as normal. Alice has literally given the minute-by-minute of her week including the gory details of her bikini wax. I'm pretty sure my mother's dog is possessed by a lesser demon of Satan and sometimes Jasper gets so quiet I actually wonder if he has spiritually left his body and is existing on another plane."

"Exactly. Why wouldn't I want to come to a dinner like that?" I said. "You should try dinner with my crowd. If I eat with Rose and Emmett, it usually turns into some sort of hump fest or double entendre making contest. My dad thinks dinner is time for silent reflection while you drink beer. And my mom will spend the entire meal trying to get a reading on your aura, find out who you were in another life, or giving you an in depth lecture on the horrors of the American meat industry."

"Can stories about the meat industry really be as bad as surgeries gone wrong?" Edward asked.

"I should send you the video my mother's vegan group has depicting cow slaughter via sledge hammer in slow motion," I replied.

"How did we get to this point in our conversation?" Edward asked.

"I think you were inviting me over for family dinner," I said.

"So, yeah," Edward continued. "I mean, if you want to come, that's great, but I understand if you don't. And I don't want things to be weird since my family practically wants you to move into the house and I haven't met any of your family."

"Mom is hard to track down these days… and Dad… well, it's a four hour drive to see him," I said. "And he would probably want to know we were coming well in advance."

"So he could take off from work?" Edward said.

"So he could borrow every gun in town and have them all lined up in the entry hall so you know he means business," I snorted.

"Well… set something up… I mean, if you're up for dealing with my family on a weekly basis the least I can do is get some face time with your dad," Edward said.

"Seriously? You want to trek out to rainy Forks to meet my dad?" I said. "You do know there is a good chance he might try to have you killed."

"Yeah, well, if he did that I'm sure my parents would file a missing persons report or something," Edward replied. "At least then I could get out of wearing a Confederate uniform to my sister's wedding."

"Always the optimist, Edward," I laughed.

"I try," he smirked.

"So… if I'm going to weekly dinner with your family and you're braving the rain to meet my dad… what exactly does that make us?" I asked Edward.

"What do you mean?" Edward said.

"It's just… I don't know…" I sighed. "Rose has been on my ass about things being Facebook official and what not…"

"I take it Rose likes labels," Edward said.

"She is a total Type A personality with a law degree," I shrugged.

"I'm also guessing you haven't checked your Facebook recently," Edward said.

"Well, not since last weekend, but… how did you know that?" I asked.

"After Friday night… well… I was just hoping you hadn't checked your Facebook," he said. I headed into my bedroom with the phone and pulled open my laptop. "I mean, I kind of felt stupid after I sent it, but Facebook doesn't allow take backs as easily as you would think… I'm sure my mother, sister and all their high etiquette friends would be appalled that I did this over Facebook…"

I logged on to my account and found I actually had several requests. One was a friend request from Alice and another was from Jasper. Others were various Farmville requests from Emmett, who, believe it or not plays that game religiously. However, the one that made my heart pound and nearly sent me into a giggle fit was the one at the very bottom, a relationship status request from one Edward Cullen. I quickly clicked the accept and realized the entire time I was giggling over my relationship status change, Edward was still talking.

"…I guess asking over the phone isn't much better because I sort of blew it with the online thing," Edward said, "but I mean… there's like no real set way of doing it. And I don't want to be one of those lame guys who like gets down on their knees and is all 'will you be my girlfriend' and crap because that frankly creeps me out… Besides, I'm not really good at this sort of thing… I'm sure you can tell, but… I mean, I just wanted to... I don't know… you can ignore it if you want… I would totally understand. I mean, what type of girl wants to go out with a guy who doesn't even have enough courage to ask her to be his girlfriend face-to-face, let alone some coward that does it over Facebook…"

"Edward, I just accepted your request," I told him.

"Wait…what?" Edward said.

"Go look on your wall," I told him, clicking on the link to his page myself. I had to say, very few things made me as giddy as seeing "Edward Cullen is now in a relationship with Isabella Marie Swan" on Facebook.

"Wow," Edward said. "So…uh… Do we have to start changing all of our profile pictures to coupley ones, because I don't think Alice has posted a picture of just herself anywhere since she and Jasper started dating."

"No," I said. "I mean, yeah, pictures together would be cool, but I kind of like yours."

"Alice picked it," Edward groaned. "She gave me a 'Facebook makeover' three months ago. Apparently, if I'm not going to wear the itchy designer sweaters she buys for me the least I could do was let her revamp my Facebook image."

"You let her on your Facebook?" I laughed.

"No, she hacked it," Edward grimaced.

"How did your sister hack your Facebook? Aren't you like a computer guru or something?" I snorted.

"Yeah, well, my password was the name of my pet goldfish as a kid," Edward shrugged. "Hey… I have friend requests from Rose and Emmett… why is Emmett's profile picture him in a sombrero and wearing a poncho with a fake mustache?"

"You know how we were talking about costumes? Well, one of Emmett's buddy's had a costume-party themed bachelor party when he got married last year," I sighed. "Emmett went as 'dirty Sanchez."

"That does seem up his alley," Edward snorted.

"Rose has tried to get him to change it again and again, but he said he'd only change it if she would pose in the picture in a bikini with him," I said. "Not going to happen. Rose is very conservative with her Facebook. Doesn't want anything to come back to haunt her if she becomes the first female president or something."

"Smart plan," Edward nodded. "I like your picture though."

"Rose took it… that's on First Beach near where I grew up from last summer," I explained. I perused his pictures. "Wait… Mary Alice Brandon Cullen… Edward Anthony Masen Cullen… Where do you and your sister get off having two middle names?"

"You know how my family is weird?" Edward snorted, "Well, Mom and Dad wanted to keep some family tradition alive. Alice is named after our maternal grandmother, Mary Alice Brandon Platt, and I'm named after dad's father Edward Anthony Cullen and his mother, who was Elizabeth Masen Cullen. Grandma Platt died when we were in high school, so Alice always went by Alice. It was too confusing have two Marys in the family. Since I was a boy, I guess I got the paternal grandparents and Alice got mom's parents because she's a girl. It is kind of annoying having two middle names, especially since most people only have one. And it was torture in kindergarten when we learned to write our names. Most kids were finished and I was still trying to figure out how to write Anthony. My name has twenty-four letters. Twenty-four! That's almost the entire alphabet!"

"I think you lucked out of if that's your biggest problem," I snorted.

"What's wrong with your name? It's traditional. It's pretty," Edward said.

"Yeah, well, luckily Dad convinced the hospital staff Mom was too doped up to name me and chose a sensible one," I snorted. "Mom and Dad still argue about my name. Mom wanted to name me Seraphina Moonbeam Starcatcher Higginbotham-Swan."

"You dodged a bullet," Edward agreed. "I can't imagine having to write that out on everything… your taxes, college applications…"

"I'm surprised Dad was as creative as he was coming up with something like Isabella Marie," I said. "In later years, I learned Marie was after my grandmother Higginbotham and Isabella was after a character on _Days of Our Lives_, the soap opera my parents were watching when my mother's water broke."

"No joke. That is hilarious," Edward laughed.

"Yeah, well it won't be so funny if it was you," I snorted.

We chatted for a while before Edward decided he should probably eat lunch and start in on the work he had been neglecting all weekend. I did laundry with Rose and then we did our usual Sunday afternoon cleaning thing together. It wasn't until that evening that I really got some rest and relaxation time in. I couldn't help but excitedly pull up my Facebook and look at the nice little "Isabella Marie Swan is in a relationship with Edward Cullen." There were four likes: one from Alice, one from Jasper, one from Rose and one from Edward himself. I was tempted to click the little like button myself when a new comment popped up from none other than Emmett McCarty.

"Cool! You guys practiced making any babies yet?"

I was ready to delete Emmett's comment when I noticed it had just received a "like":

"Renee Higginbotham likes this."

I was seriously going to consider deleting both my mother and Emmett from my friend's list. It was a good thing Charlie still couldn't work the Internet.


	36. Chapter 36

**EPOV**

Perhaps I am just a product of my technological age, but there is no greater feeling than having an unabashed relationship status on Facebook. Sure, I had my relationship with Tanya listed for a few years, mainly because of her insistence, but once things had gone sour and broken off, I just unlisted myself all together. I didn't feel like reveling in my newfound single status and I seriously doubted listing my status thusly would prompt any of my Facebook friends to suddenly pronounce their undying love for me. And I certainly wasn't one of those guys like my third cousin Dwight who is in a "joke" relationship with a same-sex friend. At least I think it's a joke. I'll have to ask Alice is Dwight is gay before he comes to her wedding with some other guy as his date. Or just in case he's not "out" and I inadvertently say something about his propensity for guy-on-guy action in front of his mother. Not making that mistake again.

Honestly, I never really felt like my Facebook relationship status was that important. I highly doubted anyone was that interested beyond myself and maybe my sister. I don't know if it's just shallow or maybe I was a little envious of all my friends who were in proud, Facebook official relationships, but I honestly never saw why some people's lives revolve around things like "Sarah is engaged to Keith" and then "it's complicated with Keith" and then "Sarah is engaged to Keith" followed by "Keith is single." However, the entire time I was waiting for Bella to reply to my request, I was nauseous.

I didn't think much of it throughout the day Saturday when she hadn't responded, but when we came home from the park and there was no movement, I suddenly turned into Alice freshman year of high school when no one had asked her to the winter formal two days before the dance. I started analyzing every moment I had spent with Bella, wondering if I had sent off the wrong signs or just received them. I had a hard time thinking of Bella being shallow and not wanting everyone to know she had been seeing a computer nerd. There was also the possibility she was insulted I had asked her such a pertinent, relationship-defining question over Facebook rather than through the use of our actual faces. I mean, you wouldn't propose to a girl over Facebook. I had a feeling if you did your future marriage wouldn't be a healthy one. You know, unless you were embedded in a foreign country or in jail or something… Well, even then. Do prisoners have Facebook? That might be a question for Jasper. Or his Uncle Randy. On second thought, I probably didn't want to talk with Uncle Randy and especially not about his Facebook relationship status.

Naturally, the one scenario I didn't think of was not only the most likely but the correct one: Bella just didn't log on to Facebook regularly. I was pretty relieved when she clicked that little button, and even happier that, despite having seen some of their true colors, she was more than willing to become a fixture at family Sunday night suppers. Tanya had always tried to weasel her way out of those, even knowing how important they were. Though she was a little soused herself, Alice had confided into me Saturday night that Mom said she "didn't care for Tanya." That was basically the Esme version of a bitch slap.

I inwardly lectured myself for probably the thousandth time. I needed to stop comparing Bella to Tanya. There really wasn't much of a comparison to tell the truth. Bella actually seemed to like me while Tanya… Well, I had a hard time coming up with any reason why I legitimately went out with Tanya in the first place let alone stayed with her so long. I guess she was really the first girl who was interested, and it's nice to be wanted. Of course, I was quickly discovering it was not only nice to be wanted but to want someone in return.

Which brought me to my next dilemma. With Tanya, it had been whatever she said goes. I never really had any control over anything. Of course, Tanya would have laughed in my face if I had suggested she accompany me to a comic book convention or to watch the latest superhero movie. With Bella, we were on more equal footing and as nice as the 'things we've never done in Seattle' thing seemed to be going, I knew Bella would probably like one of those actual, traditional dinner and a movie dates. Or maybe just a nice, well-planned evening. I had no clue how to go about doing that and Googling "good date ideas" did more to stress me out than help my quandary. There was only one man I could think of that I felt even semi-comfortable talking to about romance and who I knew was fairly good at keeping one going.

"I'm surprised that you could take off from work to have a nice lunch with your dear old Dad," he said as we took our seats at a cozy soup and sandwich joint near the hospital.

"Well, you know, it is kind of easy to convince your boss to give you an extended lunch break when you work for yourself," I shrugged. Dad laughed.

Until the near fiasco of his and mom's separation, I thought of my father as the unquestioned king of romance. It was a marvel to me when I got older that he could not juggle the demanding career as a surgeon, kids, bills and still have enough time and energy to make Mom feel special at the end of the day. As kids, Alice and I would often see flowers on the dining room table, a "just because" present from Dad. Other times, he would randomly show up to take her out to lunch or take a day off for the two of them to spend together. Though they had been in a rut lately, I had to admit the old man was regaining his touch. As embarrassing as it was for me to see as their child, it was undeniable the passion and smoldering looks that had passed between the two of them lately.

"So, what do you need?" Dad asked.

"Huh?" I said, nearly dropping my menu.

"I may be your father, but I'm also a pretty smart man if I do say so myself," he said. "Usually, when my children take time out of their schedules for a lunch with their Dad, it means they want something. Your sister was out with me two weeks ago because she wanted to sweet talk me into buying a reproduction Civil War lace wedding gown that cost almost as much as my car."

"I don't want money," I said.

"Good, because I would have told you the same thing I told your sister," Dad said. "I'm not opening my wallet for you until I finish paying for your college."

"Hey, Alice is the one with student loans," I snorted. "I made my way through on scholarships, thank you."

"Yes, but not your books, the new laptop and all the computer programs you 'needed,'" Dad pointed out. "And the fact that your mother was afraid her baby would starve to death if we didn't buy you something more substantial than Top Ramen to eat. Not to mention the whole living off campus…"

"Hey, that was because of Mom too," I snorted. "Remember? She read that article about the guy who killed his roommate and ate him?"

"So, what is it you wanted?" Dad asked.

"Advice," I said.

"About what?"

"Bella," I admitted.

"Are things going well on that front?" Dad asked curiously.

"Well, yeah, but the problem is… " I sighed. "As juvenile as it sounds, I really, really like her, Dad."

"I don't really see that as a problem," Dad prompted.

"That's just it. I mean, I want Bella to like her too," I said. "And I don't want her to think I'm boring because… well, I kind of am a boring guy. I mean, I spend most of my days behind a computer screen typing in ones and zeros and code language. My main interests are comic books, zombie and kung-fu movies and highly technical computer stuff. I can't see Bella finding all that interesting."

"Edward, I'm going to let you in on a secret," Dad said. "Your mother subscribed to 'Wonder Woman' from the time she could read, one of our first dates was to a Bruce Lee marathon at a local drive-in, and your mother probably knows more about our computer at home than I do."

"Okay… I guess I'm off base with how I'm explaining this," I sighed. "How can I keep Bella interested in me? I mean, seeing dinner and a movie is great and all, but doing the same thing every week will get boring. And I'm starting to feel like I'm no good at this dating thing."

"When are you seeing her next?" Dad asked.

"We're doing dinner and a play Tuesday, which is sort of just like dinner and a movie," I said.

"Except plays are live action, a little bit more expensive and I personally find more intellectually stimulating," Dad said.

"How do you and Mom do it? I mean, how have you guys not gotten completely bored with each other in the past thirty years?" I sighed.

"You do remember about a month ago when you stormed in trying to break up my date with another woman, don't you?" Dad smirked teasingly.

"I think you know what I mean," I rolled my eyes.

"You know, in the past month I've found out things about your mother I never knew," Dad said. "Sometimes, I think you could spend a lifetime with a person and never fully know everything about them. It's all about maintaining that spark, I suppose. Rekindling the fire now and again. It's not easy and it takes hard work, but we care enough about each other to work at it. Having that piece of paper doesn't hurt, either. Your mother has told me there were a few times when the two of you were growing up she was so stressed, I was working late nights every night and she got to the point they only thing keeping her at home was that marriage license. She said she got mad at me now and again, but never enough she actually wanted to put forth all of the effort into getting a lawyer and obtaining a divorce."

"Well, that reaffirms my happy childhood image of my perfectly in love parents," I snorted.

"Edward, you're missing the point," Dad said. "Relationships aren't perfect. Nor are they easy. I get what you want. You want to make Bella feel special. And I understand the doubt. I can't count how many times I've wondered what on earth compels your mother to stay with me, me out of all the men she knows. I know you're squeamish about these things, but your mother has always been a real looker. And I wasn't the only one who noticed. For whatever reason, though, the only person Esme seemed to notice was me. And you have no idea how lucky that makes me feel."

"What do I do to make her feel special?" I asked.

"I'm sure you'll get ideas as you learn about her," Dad said. "This isn't something you can just solve with a quick search on Bingle or whatever. I mean, yes, I'm sure there are some good ideas there for you to consider, but something really unique and special comes from the heart."

"Like what?" I asked.

"That's something I can't tell you, but once you get to know Bella better, you'll find out things she likes, things about her past," Dad said. "That should give you some ideas for things special to the two of you."

"Okay," I said, a little disappointed that my father didn't have more to offer me in the way of advice.

"I know you probably want me to brainstorm for you, but trust me, son, this will mean more if the idea comes from you," Dad said. "Besides, this is something you will want to be special for the two of you. I have to say, I am proud that you are thinking this seriously about this relationship. I know the two of you haven't been seeing each other long and the fact that you are already willing to put this much thought and effort into the relationship bodes well for the two of you."

"You don't think I'm getting too serious too fast, do you?" I asked.

"I think I'm seeing my son much happier than he's been in a while," Dad replied. The waiter finally arrived to take our orders, and as he headed away, I had to admit my father was right. I was much happier than I had been in a while. "Speaking of your newfound relationship, your sister called your mother and I last night and was very excited to tell your mother and I about you and Bella making things 'Facebook' official."

"Yes?" I said, trying not to grit my teeth.

"I didn't understand what on earth she was talking about but your mother was very intrigued about this Facebook thing," Dad said. "After hearing Alice describe it, your mother decided she wanted one to keep up with you kids, and she was hoping you could help her set up one, since you know so much about computers and all."

I was going to kill Alice.

"Fantastic," I grumbled.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Swear to Batman I totally wrote the part about Esme's fears that Edward's roommate would eat him before all of these crazy bath salts/zombie people starting eating their roommates/homeless guys/Asian foreign exchange students. **


	37. Chapter 37

**BPOV**

I headed into work on Monday morning on an Edward-induced high. It was probably incredibly immature of me and possibly against the girl-power attitude Femme's mission statement was based around, but I couldn't help being overtly excited that I, Bella Swan, was somebody's girlfriend. And not just someone, but the girlfriend of a finally a nice, decent guy who worked hard, cared about his family and most of all put making me happy at the top of his priority list. That day Irina and I were set to start interviewing her replacement assistant. Before we began the interviews, I wanted to thank Irina for pushing Edward and I together since she obviously saw what was there before either of us could.

My unflappable good mood was shaken when I arrived at my desk to find Victoria there waiting for me, even sitting in my desk chair. I sort of wanted to tell her to get out of my space, but she was practically my boss now. The last thing I needed was to give Victoria any more reason to find fault with me. I slid my bag off my shoulder and placed it on the desk, wondering if that would be enough for her to get the message that she wasn't welcome where she was.

"I was wondering when you were coming in," Victoria said snippily.

"I'm not due to report for work for another fifteen minutes," I pointed out. Victoria huffed, as if this was still unacceptable. "Is there anything you need from me?"

"You didn't email me back within twenty-four hours of me sending your assignment," Victoria said tersely. "It's been two days since I sent you the information and I haven't received confirmation it was received. That is highly irresponsible."

"When did you send it?" I asked, slightly panicked.

"Saturday morning," Victoria said.

"Saturday morning? How would I have gotten it if you sent it Saturday morning?" I frowned. "I don't have access to the office email system from my home computer."

"That's not my problem," Victoria snorted. "Perhaps I should send this assignment to someone else who can actually do their work promptly."

"I can handle it," I insisted, not wanting to sound angered but at the same time feeling Victoria was being completely unfair. "I wasn't previously aware there was a way for me to remotely access my email outside of work. If you could show me how to do that, I would greatly appreciate it. And I'm sure that would never happen again. Do you have a program that allows you to access it at home or something?"

"No, I came into the office Saturday morning and sent it," Victoria snorted.

"So… you can't access email outside the office?" I asked, playing dumb.

"No," Victoria snarled.

"Then…how was I supposed to get it without coming into the locked office?" I asked curiously, still playing dumb.

"I want an outline of how you plan to accomplish this assignment sent to me by four p.m. today," Victoria ordered me, ignoring what I had said completely. "You will have two weeks from today to have it finished and on my desk for proofing. And it better be top notch work. I have deadlines to meet and the last thing I need to be dealing with are your basic grammar and syntax mistakes."

"I'll get right on it," I nodded.

"Good," Victoria said, turning up her nose. She jumped up out of my chair and headed back to her own desk. I honestly hoped I wouldn't have to deal with her the rest of the day. She had already managed to spoil my morning as it was.

I sat down at my desk, a little annoyed that my chair had some warmth left over from where Victoria had been sitting in it. I opened up my bag and started setting up my things for the day, logged on to my computer, and started to look for the email Victoria had sent me. While I waited for that to load, my phone chimed signaling I had a text message. I sighed and picked it up, but smiled when I noticed I had a message from Edward:

"Have a great day at work! : )"

I smiled at the message and decided maybe Victoria hadn't managed to completely ruin my morning after all. I went to work and waited for Irina to come in. I spent the first half of my day with Irina interviewing all of the candidates who had come. I was surprised to find the fourth candidate who had come in was Angela Webber, who I had known during my childhood in Forks. Of course, she was Angela Cheney now and she and Ben were hoping to earn some extra income after moving to the city. Irina liked her instantly and, knowing how attentive to detail and hard-working Angela was growing up, I thought she would be a good candidate for my former position as well. The fact that she was easily the most qualified candidate didn't hurt either. When lunch rolled around, our interviews for the day were over. Irina went to lunch and I started brainstorming about the new assignment Victoria had given me.

I had to admit, Victoria's idea intrigued me, and I couldn't wait to get working on the assignment. In light of the recession, she wanted to do an in depth piece on what it was like to be a homeless woman in America, whether these women had left abusive husbands, lost their jobs, or just found themselves in bad circumstances. I immediately launched into some background research, getting the names of some local shelters, statistics on women and homelessness as well as finding good contacts for officials who deal with women, unemployment and homelessness I could get in touch with for more background information. There was nothing more invigorating than getting started on a really good assignment and thinking of all the different angles I could take the story.

I made sure to have a full outline of people I wanted to talk to, possible side bars for the story, some photo ideas to accompany my story, as well as my own detailed ideas of how and when I was going to approach the subject. I made sure not only to print out a copy but to send myself a copy of the email I sent to Victoria to make sure it got there. I had sent the email to her a good hour before she said she had wanted all the information, so I was feeling pretty confident in myself. With my outline sent to her, I used the couple of hours left in my day to contact some of the names I had come across in my research in the hopes of getting a good jump start on my assignment. I was feeling very confident when, at four-o-five I received a reply to my email from Victoria:

_These ideas are okay for a beginner, though I doubt they are what we need to grab our readers' interest. I think a fresh angle would be sending you undercover for a first-person piece. Perhaps 24-hours in the life of a homeless woman perspective._

Sure, I sympathize with the plight of the less fortunate, but I was pretty iffy about Victoria's idea. I mean, a big city can be a scary place for any young, single woman, but particularly for one who has the appearance of a vulnerable, homeless person. I was a little terrified Victoria's "perspective piece" was going to get me raped or stabbed with a box cutter or something. And Charlie would definitely I blow a gasket if he read about how I spent a day on the streets in such a exposed position. Even though I didn't want to play that card, I honestly couldn't see Emily or Irina approving something so risky. I mean, yeah, we had freelancers who had been dropped into Afghanistan, Mexican streets controlled by drug lords and war-torn Sudan, but they all ha d bodyguards, constant contact with the closest U.S. embassy, and could easily be extracted if the situation got too dire. I had the feeling Victoria was imagining me helpless and hopeless, alone on the Seattle streets. I quickly typed back:

_What is the protocol for an under-cover story like this? Do we have to get approval from Emily and Irina? And what about photos? How do we want to handle that? _

I sighed and sat back at my computer, hoping Victoria maybe was thinking twice about the assignment. However, I nearly dry heaved when, two seconds later, I received her reply:

_I'll handle that. I think Thursday would be good for this assignment. You'll have to come in early for your "make under" as a homeless woman. I think hair and beauty could offer some valuable advice. And just wear some old clothes that day. I hardly think anyone would be able to tell you aren't really homeless that way._

As silly as it sounds, I honestly began wondering if Victoria wanted to kill me. After all, sending someone alone into the nitty-gritty streets of a major city seemed like a good way to get rid of them. I tried not to think too much about Victoria's great idea of sending me undercover and refocused back on collecting background information for my story. I quickly decided the idea was just a product of my over-active imagination. Sure, Victoria may not have taken an immediate shine to me, but I hardly believed she would put me in a situation that might reflect badly on her own career if something went wrong. Even if she wasn't the easiest person to get along with, I would hardly characterize Victoria as stupid.

On the way out of the office, I managed to catch an elevator ride down with Leah. I had heard gossip in the halls throughout the day that she was acting like a whole different person, but I didn't really believe it until I saw her. Instead of the usual ball-busting power suit she always wore Leah had donned a free-flowing hippie skirt. She also had a shit-eating grin across her face and was actually smiling. Leah Clearwater was smiling. I was almost scared to see it.

"So…uh… how did your weekend go?" I asked as the door closed.

"Fantastic," Leah said with a sigh.

"Did you and Jacob have fun after you left Friday night?" I asked, trying to be polite.

"Oh yeah," Leah smirked.

"I'm glad," I smiled back at her.

"I have to say, that was the best weekend I've had in a long time," Leah admitted. "Probably because I wasn't completely focused on work. It's nice to have other things to occupy you, you know?"

"Uh-huh," I agreed. Suddenly, Leah frowned.

"God, I must seem like a total hypocrite," she groaned. "I'm all about girl power and sistas doing it for themselves, but here I am drooling all over some guy."

"I don't think you're a hypocrite," I shook my head.

"You don't?" Leah said hopefully.

"No," I shook my head. "You're a hard-working woman who kicks ass at her job and you know what, for all the hard work you put in day in and day out and all the shit you're always dealing with, you deserve to go home and have a hot guy give you a foot massage or something."

"Oh, it was something," Leah smirked, falling back into her lustful haze.

"I think this is a good thing for you," I told her. "Just because you're career is going well doesn't mean you should be fulfilled in other aspects of your life. I mean, isn't that the dream, you know?"

"Good job, sexy guy and designer shoes?" Leah nodded. "I mean, I guess that's part of what I've wanted. I've always been the 'I need a man like a fish needs a bicycle' type… I guess it's not about needing though, is it? It guess it's more about the wanting. I mean, it's nice to feel needed but it's nicer to feel wanted, you know?"

"Yeah," I agreed. "And he seems to me to be the type of guy who would respect you wanting to have a career, even encourage it."

"So, I shouldn't feel guilty I had a weekend long sex marathon?" Leah asked.

"If anyone deserves a weekend-long sex marathon, it's you Leah Clearwater," I laughed as the elevator doors opened.

Talking with Leah made me feel better about my situation with Victoria, however, it didn't prepare me for what I would find when I arrived home. I couldn't help but be surprised when I came home that evening to find not just Emmett and Edward sitting on the couch in Rose's and my living room watching ESPN. Emmett was again folding his underwear into a laundry basket while Edward was sitting next to him on the couch, eating what appeared to be a knock-off brand of Cheetos. As soon as the door opened, they both monetarily turned to look at me like two dogs that had just heard a piece of bacon drop in the kitchen.

"Uh… hi," I said, still unsure why they were in my apartment.

"Hey, Bells! Hope you don't mind that I dragged the old ball and chain up here," Emmett grinned at me. "I got Rosie's key from her so I could do my laundry. Damn landlord, trying to charge me a dollar twenty-five per load. Anyway, I ran out of detergent and was feeling a little hungry, so I headed down to the Safeway. And look who I found hanging around! I promised Rosie I'd pick up some takeout for everyone later, so I figured why not invite lover boy over, huh? More the merrier? Besides, I get lonely when I do laundry…"

"I just went in for a snack and some more stickie notes," Edward said, as if he was expecting me to be upset and trying to placate me in advance.

"Uh…okay," I nodded. "I'm going to go change into something… that's not work clothes… and Emmett, you better not be drying your unmentionables in my bedroom again."

"Believe me, I learned that lesson well after you put the chili powder in them," Emmett agreed, continuing to fold his stuff.

So, sure, I said I was changing into something more comfortable, but with Edward in the next room, I didn't want to come out looking like a complete slob like I do most evenings. Instead of throwing on my usual ratty rags, I threw on the pair of super tight yoga pants Rose swore made my butt look great and an old Forks High School t-shirt my boobs finally grew into midway through college. After combing my hair, checking my teeth and touching up my makeup, I was satisfied that I had accomplished the "I'm sexy even though I don't care how I look" look. I came out to find Edward sitting awkwardly alone on his couch while Emmett was bustling around in the laundry room, changing clothes between the washer and dryer.

"He's on his like third load of underwear. Just underwear," Edward stage whispered to me. "How much does one man need?"

"Oh, Emmett waits until he's used every piece of clothing he has before he does laundry," I said. "And sometimes he avoids doing laundry by just buying new clothes. Ergo, he has tons of clothes and comes over here for free laundry service once a month or so."

"You don't mind?" Edward asked curiously.

"Emmett irons and I hate ironing," I shrugged. "If we want him to iron say a blouse or pair of pants, he does it no questions asked. And he does all of our towels and stuff like that for us when he does his laundry. He does Rose's laundry too, though she's stopped letting him do her underwear. He keeps 'forgetting' do to her bras in the hopes she'd run out and have to go braless."

"Does he do… your laundry?" Edward asked.

"Oh, hell no," I snorted. "Just the occasional ironing. I don't want to touch Emmett's nasty dirty clothes and I'm sure he feels the same way about mine."

"Yeah, that would be pretty gross," Emmett called from the laundry room. "No offense, Bells, but having to do your laundry would be something akin to washing my mom's underwear or something. Totally nasty."

"So, Emmett abducted you from the Safeway?" I asked, cuddling up to him on the couch. Edward blushed but slung his arm around me. We both let out a sigh of contentment. It just felt right.

"I guess that's a fair assessment," Edward nodded. "I was out of stickie notes and needed new pens… and of course I got hungry so I ran into him in the snack food aisle. Next thing I know, I'm following him up here."

"Ah, it's not like I held a gun to you or anything," Emmett snorted, returning to the living room with a fresh basket of clean laundry to fold. "You'd be happy to know, Bells, I told him he had at least five minutes before you got home to snoop through your underwear drawer and read your diary, but he opted not to."

"I don't keep a diary, Emmett," I rolled my eyes. "And before you ask, I'm not telling you where Rose hides hers."

"I bet she writes tons of sexy stuff about me in it," Emmett wiggled his eyebrows.

"So, how was work?" Edward asked me.

"Okay," I sighed. "My new boss is really starting to get to me, though. I know it's harsh to say, but I'm starting to wonder if she wants me to fail. Or get eaten by wolves or something."

"She's probably just threatened," Edward said. "You're new talent coming in and you've gotten a lot of praise from her higher ups… Maybe she's worried you'll replace her or something. Or maybe she's testing you."

"Maybe she's a super bitch," Emmett suggested.

"Is it so bad for me to want her to like me?" I sighed. "I mean, she doesn't have to thing I'm the most talented magazine writer of our generation, but if she would at least smile without having any bite behind it. You know, tolerate me like a fellow human being…"

"Some people are just tough," Edward shrugged. "Maybe if you get to know her and crack her shell a little, she'll open up."

"Or you'll find out she's just an evil super bitch," "Emmett said.

"My mom always told me as a kid to be nice to people, even when they're mean to you, because you don't know what's going on in your life," Edward said.

"I guess," I sighed.

"My vote is still super bitch," Emmett said.

"You're delightful, Emmett," I snorted.

"Oh, speaking of super things," Emmett said, "you can't have your man next Saturday night."

"Um… why?" I asked.

"Because he, me and Jasper are going on a man date to see that new super hero movie next Saturday," Emmett said. "And due, I am totally wearing a costume."

"You signed up to see Emmett in spandex?" I laughed at Edward.

"No," he frowned. "I said I was thinking about going and Emmett turned into a 'man date.'"

"A three-way man date," Emmett nodded.

"I'll get working on a Bella signal for you to send up in case things go wrong Saturday, which I expect they will," I whispered to Edward.

"You're a life saver," he replied before giving me a peck on the lips.

"Aw," Emmett smirked. "ain't that cute?"


	38. Chapter 38

**EPOV**

Most of my Monday was spent planning and reassuring myself about the date I had set up with Bella for Tuesday night. It would be technically our first date and our first date under the whole boyfriend-girlfriend categorization, so I wanted it to be special and memorable. You know, the kind of date that you tell your children about. Not that I spend a lot of time thinking about my and Bella's future children. Or our wedding or honeymoon or growing old together and reminiscing about things like our first date.

It was while I was lost in thought about weddings and anniversary and children's college graduations I wanted to share with Bella when I felt a hand clapping me on the back. I turned around to see Emmett standing behind me, carrying a basket with laundry detergent, Lucky Charms, and what appeared to be a _Soap Digest_ magazine at the very bottom. It was oddly reminiscent of my own partially empty bag, which had a bunch of pens, sticky notes, a bottle of soda, and soon to be some snack chips.

"Hey," Emmett said. "Bella said you shop here too…"

"Hi," I said. "I thought you lived…"

"Yeah, but I'm doing laundry at Rose and Bella's place since they have washer/dryer hook up," Emmett explained. "We've got a communal laundry room in the basement of my apartment. Not only does my landlord charge out the ass for it but I swear to God I found a used condom in one of the washers once. Never again."

"Understandable," I nodded.

"So, what you picking up?" Emmett asked.

"Just some office supplies I'm almost out of. And I got hungry so…" I began.

"Hey, Rose is having me get some takeout for her and Bells tonight. How about you come over and crash with us?" Emmett asked.

"Well… I wouldn't want to…" Edward said.

"Intrude? Yeah, waiting in your girlfriend's apartment to give her a big smackeroo and sexy rub down after work is totally intrusive," Emmett snorted. "Come on, she'll be ecstatic to see you. And I think she'd appreciate having something to distract her while Rose and I get it on. I've been told we can get loud."

"Uh…okay… I guess I'll just get this stuff and then head out with you…" I nodded.

"Cool, bro," Emmett said. We later ended up meeting up at the checkout counter and Emmett was nice enough to let me go first. I made some off-handed remark about the new superhero movie coming out and Emmett's face lit up.

"Seriously, dude, I've been looking for someone to see that with," Emmett said. "I can't go with Rosie because she spends the entire movie just ogling guys' asses in spandex, which annoys me and makes it hard to watch the movie. You wanna hit up the theater next weekend?"

"Uh…" I said nervously. "Sure." After all, he was Bella's roommate's boyfriend and one of her friends and, in my limited experience, I had learned getting a girl's friends to like you can go a long way.

"I'll see if Jasper wants to come, too," Emmett said. "He's like the closet thing Rose has to a brother, so I gotta stay on good terms with him, you know? Scrawny as he is, I have a feeling he could probably get me killed and buried in some ranch out in Texas. Rose has got a lot of cowboy cousins down there and from what she's told me, they're a rough bunch."

"From what I've heard from Alice, Jasper's probably the nicest of them," I nodded.

"That's right! He's hooking up with your lil sis!" Emmett grinned.

"Not so much hooking up as engaged to be married," I replied.

"Man, I am so jealous of dudes who get the balls to do that," Emmett groaned. "I think Rose might castrate me if I even hinted about it. I mean, you've met her ex. How am I supposed to convince her that getting married a second time would be a good idea after her two-day disaster with that guy? Seriously, you are so lucky none of Bella's exes were like that. That douchnozzle did a serious number on Rose."

"So… you guys haven't even talked about it?" I asked.

"Two years together and every time I bring up anything wedding related, she shuts me down," Emmett said. "I mean, I talk about my cousin planning her wedding and she makes me shut up. I offer to take her out to see _Bridesmaids_ and she stops talking to me for two days. I asked her if it was okay that I was going to a bachelor party were there might be strippers and she yelled at me for 'pressuring her into something she wasn't ready for.' I mean, I love Rosie and I know she's got a legit reason for being freaked out by the whole 'm' word thing, but seriously, dude, am I not allowed to want the Dutch Colonial with the white picket fence, two point four kids and the golden lab?"

"I'd like a border collie myself. Or a sheep dog," I said.

"See? How come duded can talk about crown molding and plan their weddings on Pinterest without getting shit for it?" Emmett said.

"What is Pinterest?" I frowned.

"I thought you computer guys were up on all the social networking stuff," Emmett said.

"I know it's hard for Rose, but maybe this is something you guys seriously need to talk about," I told him. "I mean, it's kind of a big deal. And I know you really love her and all… but what if she never wants to get married again? Do you love her enough to give up what you want?"

"I dunno man," Emmett sighed. "I don't want to just give up because she's scared, but I don't want to think about my life without her in it, you know? She makes me feel like a cheesy Eighties power ballad, you know?"

"Yeah, I know," I said, wondering if I should text Bella so she would expect me at her place, rather than Emmett's idea of just surprising her.

About thirty minutes later, I was seriously starting to doubt Emmett's plan was a good idea. Bella did seemed surprised to find me there and I was pleasantly surprised when she came out of her bedroom in a very tight t-shirt and stretch pants. Nothing beats having a girl wearing skin-tight exercise clothes cuddle up with you, even if there's a huge dude folding his underwear like four feet away from you. Emmett kept folding his laundry and chatting with us until Rose walked in the door, at which time he jumped up from his chair and rushed over to her.

"Rosie!" he chortled, picking her up and swinging her around. Rose dropped her briefcase and kicked off her shoes as he twirled her, laughing as well.

"Emmie bear!" she giggled before giving him a big kiss. He put her down and she kicked her shoes further off to the side.

"You want me to go pick something up?" he asked her.

"Let me change first and then we'll take orders," Rose replied. She looked over and waved at the two of us.

"I'll help you get undressed," Emmett said, traipsing behind her.

"They always like that?" I asked Bella.

"No. Usually they bicker and banter constantly, but they can be adorably cute when they want to be," Bella shrugged.

"Emmett told me he wants to ask Rose to marry him, but he's scared she'll freak out and dump him or something," I confided in Bella.

"I've suspected that for a while," Bella nodded. "I don't know what to do with her. Marriage… it's the danger zone for Rose after Royce."

"Do you have any…uh… danger zones…?" I asked. "You know for…uh… research purposes?"

"You mean so you don't say something that pisses me off?" I asked.

"Yeah," I admitted with a blush.

"As weird as my parents are and my childhood was, I think I'm pretty well adjusted," Bella said. "I think as long as you don't… you know… torture puppies or kittens, abuse small children and old people or decide your main ambition is to get a life term in prison… we should be pretty good."

"Okay, so I should probably cancel the poorly planned violent armed robbery at the home for cute orphaned pets, children and old people I was planning this weekend," I nodded. "You know, that really does free up my schedule." Bella laughed and snuggled closer to me.

"You're a goof, you know that?" she grinned. "I know Emmett might have bullied you into coming here a little bit, but it was really nice to see my handsome boyfriend when I came in through the door."

"Believe me, there's nothing better than hanging out in my beautiful girlfriend's apartment, even if her best friend's boyfriend is laundering an insane amount of underwear while I'm in it," I replied.

When Rose and Emmett emerged from her bedroom after what seemed like an awfully long time for a person to just be changing clothes, Emmett took our takeout order for the Pan-Asian place down the street and then headed off to pick everything up as Rose called it in. After he left, Rose and Bella swapped stories about their days at work while Bella remained resolutely cuddled up against me. I didn't care that I had basically faded into the background since Bella was basically attached to me like a baby monkey to its mother. I contemplated urging Bella to quit her job and just offering to pay her to cuddle me all the time. However, I didn't know how keen she would be on the position of "Edward's snuggler."

Emmett arrived with enough food to feed an army, which roughly translated into a enough to feed the three of us and temporarily satiate him. Rose then decided to turn it into a game night since there were finally four people in the apartment. Rose and Bella quickly vetoed Emmett's game night suggestion: Naked Twister. Rose wanted to play "Mystery Date," which was vetoed by Emmett and me as well as received an eye roll from Bella. I suggested "Clue," but Bella pointed out that Rose, as a future lawyer when she passed the bar in two weeks, would beat all of us at that. Emmett agreed and mentioned the last time they had played "Clue," Rose had won the game in seven minutes. We all finally agreed on playing "Monopoly." Rose agreed to play if she could be banker and Emmett agreed to play as long as he could be the cannon and pretend to shoot all of us.

Emmett was the first player out since he spent all of his money building houses and then had to mortgage his larger properties to pay for them, slowly spiraling into an insurmountable pile of debt. Bella was doing okay until she landed on Rose's trifecta of hotels on St. James Place, New York Avenue and Tennessee Avenue three times in as many turns. It was finally down to Rose and myself. I had to admit that Rose was pretty cutthroat. She played Monopoly like I imagined Gordon Gecko would. However, the fact that I had gotten Park Place and then managed to wrangle Boardwalk from Emmett then carefully save enough to unmortgage it was her final undoing. It was about ten thirty that night when Rose finally handed over the last of her money to me.

"Ugh… this game lasted four hours!" Emmett groaned as Bella and I worked to clean up the board game.

"You've been complaining about how long this game's taken since you were out. Three and a half hours ago," Rose pointed him.

"I know you've got your heart seat on practicing law, but Rose if you ever need a back up job, I'm sure you could make it on Wall Street," I assured her.

"Money's all well and good, but I don't think I'd have the heart, you know?" Rose shrugged. "I mean, Monopoly money is real. I'd freak out if I had to manage real money for real people. I mean, if a case doesn't end up the right way, you can always try to litigate again or appeal, but if you loose someone's money… that shit is gone."

"I get you," I nodded.

"Well, Rosie, wanna call it a night?" Emmett asked her with an eyebrow wiggle.

"Sure, but I'm going to sleep," Rose said to him pointedly. "I'm super busy tomorrow and it's already late."

"Fine," Emmett groaned, getting up and following her back to her bedroom. "But at least wear sexy pajamas?"

"Fine," Rose rolled her eyes as the two of them disappeared into her bedroom.

"I better get home too," I said to Bella. "I've got a meeting in the morning and then I have to make sure everything is perfect for the date I'm planning with this really hot brunette."

"Yeah, I heard you're taking her to see a play," Bella smirked at me, walking me to the door.

"And out for a nice dinner beforehand," I nodded. "You think she'll like it?"

"How could she not like spending time with you?" Bella teased. "You are a pretty awesome guy."

"Well, she's a really amazing girl, and I really want her to like me, you know? Sweep her off her feet and all that jazz," I replied.

"I don't think you'll have a hard time doing that," Bella laughed. She leaned in and gave me one of those toe-curling kisses I was starting to experience withdrawals from.

"I'll text you went I get home, okay?" I said to her.

"Okay," Bella said before swooping in for another mind-numbing, tongue swirling kiss. I was starting to have second thoughts about leaving.

"Of course… you could come with me if you think Rose and Emmett are going to get to loud or something and disrupt your sleeping patterns…" I began. Bella laughed and pressed her lips against mine softy for a third time.

"As tempting as that sounds, I've got a busy morning too," Bella said. "But I already can't wait for tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow?" I asked her.

"Count on it," she grinned.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I am _epic_ at "Clue." True story.**


	39. Chapter 39

**BPOV**

I was having a very vivid, glorious sex dream about my hunky new boyfriend when my alarm had to go off Tuesday morning. I groaned but knew I had to wake up since I had let myself sleep in a little to make up for staying up later the night before. Even though I was still a little sleepy, I didn't regret one second of my cuddle time with Edward the night before not any of his kisses goodnight. For the first time in a long time, I actually found myself dreading going to work, but at the end of the day I knew I would be rewarded with my first official one-on-one date with Edward. I knew he had put a lot of thought into making it special, but I was honestly just happy to be getting some solo time with him.

Again, a good portion of my morning was spent interviewing possible candidates for my old position, even though Irina and I both agreed that Angela was the best fit for the job so far. I then did some leg work on my story, going to some of the shelters around town and talking with managers and officials at the shelters and a few of the women who were taking refuge there who were willing to go on the record with me. I even ate the soup line lunch with some of the women upon the insistence of one 60-year-old woman who ran a domestic violence and homeless shelter in the city center. I arrived back in the office just in time to run into Leah in the lobby that afternoon and catch an elevator ride back up to our floor. She was pretty interested in my assignment, until I mentioned the one part of it that made me nervous.

"Wait… Victoria wants you do go undercover as a homeless woman? Is she at least giving you a box cutter or some mace?" Leah said, shocked.

"She just wants a real, unique story," I shrugged.

"You can get a real, unique story without getting stabbed and raped and left for dead in a back alley," Leah snorted. "I know it's the truth of what these women go through, but I'm pretty sure we have policies against that sort of thing."

"We have writers embedded in Africa and the Middle East who do stories for us all the time," I pointed out.

"They are freelancers," Leah said. "They aren't staff. They shop those stories around and Irina picks the ones she likes. You are an employee. You are bound by the employee code of conduct and protected by company policies."

"Victoria said she'd run it by Irina or Emily first to make sure it was okay," I said.

"Well, I'd make damn sure to talk with Irina or Emily about it before you show up Thursday morning for this," Leah shook her head. "Bella, I'm going to be straight with you. I'm a bitch. And it takes a bitch to know a bitch. And Victoria is the queen bitch. I may be bitchy to people, but its to do my job and to make sure those male sleazebag ad reps don't try to slip in their misogynistic bull shit into our magazine. Victoria is the kind of bitch who stabs people in the back in order to get what she wants. You're a nice person, Bella, and you get what this magazine is all about. Victoria just wants to get her name out there. I wouldn't put it past her to pull some shit to take you down. Just be careful, okay?"

"Okay," I sighed, "but she is my boss. And she already hates me enough as it is…"

"She's just jealous," Leah snorted.

"So… how are things with Mr. Black?" I asked her.

"Fan-fucking-tastic. And I mean that literally," Leah said, her eyes glazing over. "I admit, you were right about giving him a chance. He's not so bad. He's even going with me to visit my dad in the nursing home this weekend. Dad's a huge car buff, so they'll have something to talk about. Oh, and he drives a motorcycle. Hot."

"I really hope it works out for you two," I nodded.

"Same for you and web site guy," Leah said. "You know, I've never seen a guy get more flustered about a girl before."

"Thanks," I blushed. The doors of the elevator opened to reveal Victoria standing before us, tapping her foot.

"Where have you been?" she asked.

"Irina told me it was okay if I went out and worked on…" I began.

"Bella, it is highly unprofessional to leave the office…" Victoria began.

"Hold on a second," Leah interjected. "I'm pretty sure Bella is still directly reporting to Irina, and not you, so if you have a problem, you should probably take it up with Irina, who gave Bella permission to be out of the office today. Apparently, you have a lot of things you need to run by Irina this week."

"No one asked you, Leah," Victoria hissed.

"Look, Vicky, you bitch out whoever you want to in the privacy of your own office, but when you are in the middle of our floor, where customers, clients and the entire face of this magazine is at stake, I think you would best off at least pretending to be a decent human being," Leah snorted. "Now, I have a busy afternoon ahead of me and I'm sure Beall does too. Maybe you should ask Irina if you can borrow Bella to talk about whatever it is you need."

Victoria waited, like she was going to wait until Leah was gone and then pounce, but then Leah sidestepped her, pulling me along and walking me to my desk. I whispered a thank you to her, knowing Victoria wouldn't be stupid enough to confront me around Leah or anywhere within Irina's hearing range. I could almost count on not having to listen to her for the rest of the day. I was pretty sure at this point whatever Victoria wanted was trivial or impossible and with each encounter, I found myself liking my new boss less and less. Fortunately, Victoria didn't show back up the rest of the afternoon and I was able to head out of the office in enough time to dress up and look sexy for Edward when he came to pick me up.

I know going to a theater was a nice, fancy occasion, so I didn't wear the hoochie dress Rose offered to lend me for the night. I did opt to put on a nice little black dress I owned that showed off some of my finer assets. Edward was early to pick me up, so Rose made him awkwardly waiting in the living room while she interrogated him in a way that I was sure would make Charlie Swan proud. It was hard not to rush into the living room and throw my arms around him when I heard his voice, but I knew I wanted to make my entrance worthwhile.

"Wow," Edward said when I walked into the room. I couldn't help but giggle. It was honestly the first time a guy had appeared pretty much speechless as my presence. Rose rolled her eyes and then ushered the two of us out the door, telling us to have a good time.

Since I lived so close to the theater and parking would be a nightmare, we opted to walk down to the city center where the theater was and where the restaurant Edward had made reservations at was located. Edward was a little nervous during out walk, taking my hand and nervously rubbing his thumb over the top of my hand. His hands were sweating a little and I tried to offer him smiles to reassure him. We finally arrived at the doors of Toulouse Petit, possibly one of the most expensive restaurants in the city.

"Edward?" I asked.

"Our reservation isn't until six-thirty, but they did say to be fifteen minutes early… I mean, we're twenty minutes early," Edward said, checking his watch. "You wanna head inside?"

"Uh…okay?" I said. Edward led us in and after checking our reservation, the maitre d' led us to a nice booth in the middle of the restaurant. He left us both with menus and a wine list.

My eyes about bugged out of my head when I took a look at the menu. This definitely wasn't the two ninety-nine hot dog blue plate special at the Forks Diner. There was a section on the menu specifically for cheeses and another labeled "Curiosities" with thinks like wild boar on it. The cheapest thing on the menu was an ala carte order of pureed potatoes for five bucks. Most of the meals ran the fifteen-to-twenty dollar range. I was afraid ordering something too expensive might cleave Edward short on his rent that month.

"So…uh… what are you thinking about?" I asked him curiously. If I could get an idea of what he was ordering, I could get an idea of what his price range was.

"I don't know…" Edward said. "I haven't been here before…"

"Oh… well, do you know what they recommend?" I asked.

"Maybe we can ask the waiter," Edward grinned. I suddenly felt even more nervous. Of course the waiter would recommend something expensive. I mean, their entire job was raking in dough for the restaurant. "Anything caught your eye?"

"Uh… well that Romaine salad with the pine nuts looks good," I said. "And the…uh… spring vegetable soup?"

"Bella, that's the two least expensive things on the menu," Edward noted.

"Well…I mean…" I blushed.

"Oh, great," Edward groaned. "You feel uncomfortable here, don't you? I was just trying to find somewhere nice and this place was rated really high on Yelp and Urbanspoon…"

"It's a nice place, and I'm sure the food is nice," I assured him. "It's just… awfully expensive…"

"You're… worried about how much it costs?" Edward said, baffled.

"I don't want to put you out…" I began.

"Bella, you are the first girl I have taken on an honest-to-God date in nearly two years," Edward laughed. "And believe me, I haven't spent all the money I've earned in that two years buying video games, comic books and computer equipment. I know it's a little pricey, but I wanted to take you somewhere nice. I mean, it's been a while since I've taken anyone out to eat but my parents and my sister. And honestly, this isn't exactly the place I'd take them… It's a little too… you know… date night for that…"

"You don't have to spend forty bucks for me to get a steak," I told him.

"Not unless you want one," Edward shrugged. "I mean, a forty dollar steak is a little tempting. Kind of makes me wonder if this steak is good enough they can justify charging forty bucks for it."

"At least let me split the bill," I said.

"No, Bella," Edward shook his head. "This was my night to plan a date and I picked the theater and this restaurant, so I'm going to pay for it. Just let me treat you a little, okay?"

"Okay," I sighed, "but next time it's your turn to choose, do me a favor and pick something cheap."

"Alright," Edward laughed.

After being reassured from Edward, I finally ordered the buttermilk fried petit half chicken with gravy, which the restaurant referred to as a "sexed-up version" of fried chicken. I had to admit, the French did manage to make fried chicken sexy, even if it cost nineteen bucks. Edward opted not for the forty-dollar steak but instead the twenty-five dollar one with heirloom tomatoes and an Italian cheese twist. And naturally, since I had expressed my concern about the cost of the meal, Edward ordered then ten dollar red velvet cake with cream cheese icing and chocolate ganache for us to split as a dessert. Of course, I decided after one bite I would have paid twenty bucks for the cake alone.

"You realize you spent more on dinner than both our theater tickets combined," I told him as we headed into the theater. "And we're sitting pretty close to the stage."

"Bella, I just wanted to do something nice for you," Edward said. "So what if it cost a little extra? I mean, it makes us guys feel all important to buy expensive things for our ladies. Guess it goes back to the whole macho caveman thing, you know, providing and bring home the best kill and whatnot. Besides, what kind of guy would I be if I took you to McDonalds and said you could only order off the dollar menu?"

"I don't know… those dollar apple pies and hash browns are pretty awesome," I smirked.

"I suppose I did this because I wanted to make you feel special," Edward shrugged. I sighed.

"You always make me feel special," I assured him. "I think I went about this the wrong way. I'm not complaining, honestly. And thank you. It means a lot to me that you put so much thought into tonight and that you did all this to make me happy. I can honestly say that no one else has ever put as much thought or as much time into doing something like this for me."

"Well, that's a shame, because you really deserve it," Edward said. I couldn't help it. I leaned over and gave him a full-on kiss with tongue.

"You," I grinned, "have to be the sweetest man alive."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: A friend of mine went on a terrible date in high school with a guy that was actually worse than the McDonald's Dollar Menu date. He took her to Sam's Club to eat the free food samples for their meal and then had a buddy who worked at the local mini-golf place sneak them in to play so he wouldn't have to pay. She later found out his dad had given him $20 for the date, but he'd pocketed it instead. They never went out again.**


	40. Chapter 40

**EPOV**

Getting to put my arm around Bella and have her hand absent-mindedly resting on my thigh in a darkened theater was probably one of the best ways to spend an evening, even if it did take away from my emotional investment in Blanche DuBois' descent into madness and the overall misogynistic antics of Stanley Kowalski. However, Bella was pretty invested in the play herself. I could tell by the way her breathing would accelerate during periods of actions or how she gasped when Stanley attacked Blanche. I had to admit, I thought Bella was a much better show than anything we saw on stage that night. Afterwards, Bella gushed about the play as we walked home.

"So… is that how I need to get your attention from now on?" I teased her. "Just run up and down the street and scream 'Bella! Bella!' like in the play?"

"Yeah, I would probably ignore you," Bella laughed. "Besides, wouldn't that sort of imply you're a drunk who beats me or something?"

"Okay, no Stanley impersonations. What about just Brando then?" I grinned.

"You think you could be broody all the time?" Bella laughed. "And we are talking _Streetcar_ and _On the Waterfront_ era Brando, not _Godfather_ era Brando, right?"

"I'll make you an offer you can't refuse," I said to her in my best godfather voice.

"Okay," Bella giggled. "Stop. You're making me laugh."

"Gangster threats aside, I'm glad you had a good time tonight," I grinned.

"Great time," Bella agreed. "Best date I've ever had. Of course, if you'd taken to me at the movies and bought the big popcorn, that probably would have made the top three."

"Well, it's your turn next," I said. "Something you've never done in the city before."

"I'll be thinking of something… do I have a deadline for this date or anything?" she asked.

"No," I said. "Although, the sooner I get to see you again the better."

"I'll try to think up something quick, but just because I haven't planned something doesn't mean you can't drop by and see me," Bella said. "And there's our standing Sunday night dinners with your folks, I guess."

"Yeah, but if you ever want to get out of those, just let me know," I told her.

"Hey, I like your family," Bella insisted. "They're fun. Besides, it's the least I can do when my mother inevitably shows up to town without telling me and wants to investigate every avenue of my life because we don't 'connect like we used to.' She doesn't understand it would be much easier to connect if she picked up a phone instead of poking me on Facebook."

"Alice told my parents we're 'Facebook official' or whatever and now my mother thinks she needs one to keep up with us kids," I groaned. "She wants me to set it up, too. I can't see any way that will end up well, you know?"

"I'm glad my dad doesn't have one," Bella agreed. "Thinks they're too much of a risk for hackers and identity thieves."

"My dad can operate expensive and high-tech surgical equipment, but he hates having to use a computer to do anything but check his email, play Solitaire and check his sports scores," I laughed. "Maybe Facebook is a mom thing?"

"Maybe," Bella grinned.

We had managed to reach her apartment in what seemed a relatively short amount of time, leaving me a little disappointed. Even if Bella was my girlfriend, I wasn't sure if it was okay to just invite myself up to her place or what to expect. It was pretty obvious neither one of us believed in compulsory sex on the third date or anything. We had agreed we just wanted to take our time. However, I knew if Bella invited me up to her apartment for lascivious reasons, I would have a hard time saying no.

"So… you wanna come up?" Bella asked me shyly. Of course, the way she did it, peering up at me through her lashes and biting her lip slightly made the rather innocent question seem highly seductive.

"Yeah," I choked out, sounding like a thirteen-year-old boy whose voice was changing.

Even though I was coaching myself not to expect sex, I couldn't help the expectations of some parts of my anatomy. After all, it was nearing midnight and Bella looked very nice in her tight black dress. When we got to the door, there was a note on it. Bella ripped it down, scanned it quickly and then crumpled it up, her face flushed red. Naturally, I was curious.

"Rose went to spend the night with Emmett," Bella said quietly.

"Uh, okay," I shrugged.

"So…um… do you want to come in? Get some coffee or something?" Bella asked softly.

"Sure. That would be nice," I nodded. Bella smiled, blushing again and then showed me into her apartment. We both started walking toward the kitchen, but then she stopped and turned back to face me.

"I really did have a great time tonight," Bella said to me.

"I'm glad," I smiled.

I don't really remember which one of us leaned forward first, but the next thing I knew my suite jacket was on the floor and the two of us were making out like bandits in the middle of the living room. I could help but thread my fingers through Bella's soft, silky hair as the other pulled her to me, splayed across her hip and then slowly moving backward, pushing her flush against me. While I was doing that, she was preoccupied with throwing her arms around my neck and then slowly sliding them down my chest, fiddling with my tie and my shirt buttons. Within a flash, we were slowly moving backwards to Bella's bedroom, her kicking off her shoes and me sliding mine off and then attempted to take off my socks with the toes of my opposite foot while continuing to walk, hold onto her, and massage her tongue with my own. I never realized how coordinated I really was until I had both socks off and then focused back on unzipping the back of her dress.

When we eventually reached her bedroom, my shirt was unbuttoned and Bella was leading me around by my tie. Her dress was pushed down to her waist, leaving her bra visible and her luscious breasts visible and easily available to my hands. Beyond trying to run my hands over as much of Bella's bare skin as I could and trying to get her damn dress off, there wasn't much mental processing going on for me. We continued to walk, Bella doing so backward, until we hit her bed and just fell on it. From that point, clothes were shed in seconds until we found ourselves both completely naked, next to each other, panting. The reality of what we were about to do actually started to dawn on me.

"Do…do you have any uh…" I began.

"I'm on the pill," Bella said quietly.

"Uh…okay," I said, glad to have that important but oh-so awkward discussion over with.

I moved back to the kisses and tender caresses, trying to memorize her every curve with my fingertips. Bella hummed and mewled in response, running her fingers through my hair, twirling the loose ends, her body rhythmically and almost primally bending upward to meet with mine every now and again. Even though I was trying to lavish her with attention, touch her gently but desiringly all over, Bella obviously wanted to go at a much faster pace. While I was still trying to caress and embrace her, she just up and decided to wrap her legs around me and push on, quite literally.

I honestly wish I remembered more about that first time deep inside her, but the sensuousness of the experience just overrode my brain. It was sensory overload in the most blissful form, akin to an out-of-body experience where gentle touches and soft brushes of skin mingled with hot, panting thrusts of my body against hers and hers against mine. We could have been going at it for mere seconds or for hours for all I knew. The only thing really reverberating in my mind was the muffled noises of skin rubbing against skin and the wanton moans of Bella beneath me, urging me on into oblivion. I nearly blacked out at the end, my carnal desires that had been pent up for the past two years now completely spent. I didn't want to crush Bella with my weight, but at the same time, I felt like goo, too tired to move, not wanting to relinquish the feel of her warmth against me. I finally managed to get back enough strength to sort of slide myself to the side, still holding on to her tightly, rolling her body slightly onto its side so we could remain close.

"That was…" Bella began, trailing off.

"Yeah," I managed to grunt out.

"I just… and you…." Bella said, ending her words with a very satisfied groan.

"Yeah," I grunted again.

"If you can do that, how come you're single?" Bella said to me.

"I'm not single," I snorted. "I happen to have a very beautiful girlfriend who writes for this really cool feminist magazine and apparently knows how to do thinks with her hips that I didn't realize were physically possible."

"Flirt," Bella smirked.

"You're the one rubbing your foot up and down my leg," I pointed out. Bella laughed and then kissed me roughly. It was heaven. "So…uh… not to stroke my own ego or anything…"

"Or anything?" Bella smirked.

"…but…uh…it was good, right?" I asked nervously. "It's been a while since I've…uh… performed in this particular area…"

"On the scale of one to ten?" Bella said. "Fifteen. And you didn't seem out of practice at all…"

"Well… it's not that I haven't had opportunities to practice….just I haven't practiced with a partner… in a while," I admitted.

"Don't worry," Bella said. "You're not the only one."

"Oh…uh…okay," I nodded.

"So, uh, not to stroke my ego…" Bella began.

"If I recall, just about everything else got stroked," I smirked. She slapped my chest playfully then rested her forehead against my own.

"Scale of one to ten?" she whispered.

"I'd say about eleven…" I said, pretending to be thoughtful, "billion or so. Seriously, I'm pretty sure that thing with your hips and then the thing where you slid your right leg up my side… possibly defied the laws of physics or gravity or something. I'd almost say that move needs to be scientifically studied, but I don't think I'd be able to handle it if you showed that to someone else."

"Believe me, that was the first time I had a chance to put that move into practical application," Bella said. "Though I'm glad to know it worked."

"How did you come up with that?" I groaned, just thinking about it again.

"Even though it's been a while since I've invited a gentleman caller into my boudoir," Bella smirked, "Rose always insisted sex is, you know, like riding a bicycle? But Rose is a firm believer in regular bicycle maintenance, so…uh… she has a lot of sex books and leaves them around the house. I came home one night right after she started dating Emmett and there was a big coffee table book of Kama Sutra stuff on the kitchen counter. And I might have peeked in it. And a few of the dozen or so other 'self-help' books she's ordered online covering similar subject matter…"

"See, this is why guys should date girls who are well-read," I grunted. Bella snuggled up to me.

"You really do know how to show a girl a good time, Mr. Cullen," Bella said airily.

I really looked at her face and tried not to smile too widely at how blissful and beautiful she looked. Her face was perfectly flushed and her eyes heavy and laden with desire. Reaching up, I moved some hair from her forehead where it was sticking, curling it behind her ear and then running my fingers through her tresses for a good measure. For a few seconds, all we did was just stare back at each other. It was only when the chill of the room started to set in that I drew myself away from her to wrestle with the covers we had kicked off the bed. Bella sat up and tried to lean forward to help me, but in our post-coital bliss, some part of me wanted to be the one to take care of her. I wrapped us up tightly and Bella snuggled down deep against my chest under the covers.

"I should set the alarm," she mumbled. "What time to you need to get up tomorrow?"

"Set my own hours," I said, not wanting to yawn. "Just get me up when you get up, okay? I want to see you before you head out."

"'Kay," Bella nodded. She twisted a little away from me, set the alarm clock, and then flipped off the light switch on her lamp, leaving us in total darkness. It was hard not to fall asleep, warm and toasty under the covers with her glorious naked body against my own.

Of course, as much as I just wanted to stare at Bella all night, it was late and I had just engaged in some pretty draining physical exercise. I was out like a light and the next thing I knew, I was being awoken by a ringing sound. I thought it was Bella's alarm clock, but that wasn't the source of the noise. Bella herself was snuggled between me and the mountain of covers she had stolen during the night. I finally found the source of the noise and in my sleepy state, picked up the phone on Bella's bedside table and answered it.

"Uh…hello?" I said into it groggily. "Who's there?"

"This is Chief Charles Swan," a gruff voice said on the other end. "Who the hell is this?"

Well, shit.


	41. Chapter 41

**BPOV**

It had been a while since I had sex in the first place, but I honestly couldn't remember ever having such mind-blowing, toe-curling, body-tingling sex before in my entire life. It was like Edward was completely in tune to my body, knowing exactly where to nip, suck, rub, touch, lick, and caress me. I wasn't even embarrassed that I had technically become one of those girls who sleeps with a guy on the first date. I was pretty much ready to confine Edward to my bedroom. In fact, I was ready to suggest we both just quit our jobs completely and spend the next sixth months holed up in my bedroom. It was beyond words falling asleep with his arms around me, snuggled against him under the covers. It was hard to believe I had gone for so long without feeling this way.

However blissful our night together had been, the morning was full of rude awakenings. I was again in the midst of another Edward sex dream, but this one was retelling the events of the night before, reliving what was definitely the best night I had ever had. The next thing I knew, I heard a loud thud and woke up to Edward falling out of bed. The noise of him hitting the floor instantly woke me up and startled, I found him sitting on the floor beside my bed, wrapped up in a sheet, and holding my phone like it was a hot potato. Even worse, he looked completely frightened, like he had just seen a ghost.

"What's going on?" I asked him, still partly asleep.

"I picked up your phone," he told me, terrified. "It's your dad." I gasped myself and then crawled across the bed, not caring that I was completely naked and exposed to him. I snatched the phone out of his hand and held it to my ear as Edward scrambled back onto the bed with me.

"Isabella Marie," my father said harshly, "why is there a boy picking up your phone at six in the morning?"

"Why are you calling me at six in the morning?" I shot back.

"You know I get up early to get my breakfast at the diner," Dad huffed. "And while I was here, Mrs. Mallory came over with the coffee pot and started going on about this new boyfriend of yours. She said she saw a picture of him through her daughter's Facebook. If you've got a boyfriend, I'm hoping that's the fella who just picked up your phone."

"Yes, Daddy, that was Edward," I rolled my eyes. Edward looked like he was about to puke.

"And what is he doing picking up your phone this early?" Dad asked.

"Daddy, I'm twenty-four years old," I snorted. "I hardly think it's any of your business…"

"I think it's definitely my business if my only daughter is seeing a boy and is close enough to him he's answering her phone and sleeping over at her apartment," Dad replied. "Especially if my daughter is that close to him and hasn't even breathed a word to me that she's been seeing someone!"

"Maybe I didn't tell you I was seeing someone because I thought you would overreact," I snorted.

"Overreact? There is some random guy in my daughter's apartment and for all I know he's a serial killer!" he huffed. "How much do you know about this guy, Bells? Could he even pass a background check? What's his job? What kind of car does he drive? What's its safety rating? How well does he maintain it? Does he wear his seatlbelt? Is Edward even his real name? Does he have any kids or some babymama running around town? What's his credit score? Has he ever been convicted of a crime? Does he drink? Smoke? Does he have any tattoos? Have you seen his medical records? Does he have any outstanding loans or debts? "

"As lovely as this early morning wakeup call has been, I do have to get ready for work, Daddy," I rolled my eyes. "Can't we talk about this later, okay?"

"No, we either going to talk about this now or I am driving up to Seattle right now and camping out at your apartment until I get some answers!" he demanded.

"Daddy, you are blowing this out of proportion! Just sit back, calm down a little bit and I will call you on my lunch break, okay?" I assured him.

"I don't like this, Bells," Dad told me. "Is the boy at scared shared to death?" I took a look at Edward, who was now white as a sheet and still looked like he was about to puke. I sighed.

"Shitless, Daddy. Does that make you happy?" I rolled my eyes.

"Well, I feel a little better," he admitted.

"I'll call you later. I promise," I said. We said our goodbyes and I ended the call, putting my head in my hands.

"So…uh… how long do I have until he kills me?" Edward asked nervously.

"I managed to coax him down from a murderous frenzy," I sighed. "He's probably going to find out all he can about you now, though. I'm so sorry…"

"I shouldn't have answered your phone. I'm sorry," Edward said. "I was just sleepy and wasn't really thinking and…"

"It wasn't because you answered the phone," I grumbled. "One of my high school friends mentioned she saw we were in a relationship on Facebook and told her busybody mother who told my dad. And of course, Charlie Swan hates being out of the loop."

"I'm sorry," Edward apologized.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for," I said, moving to cuddle up against him. "He would have found out anyway, right?"

"Yeah… but I had hoped he could find out in a way that would give him a good first impression of me," Edward grimaced.

"The first impression your parents got of me was me going on a date with your father," I pointed out.

"Yeah, but this is different. He's your dad," Edward said. "It's different when it's the girl's family. I mean, your dad… he loved and protected you for eighteen years, so I can understand why he wants to kick my ass. And after this morning… I just want him to like me, you know? I want him to think I'm good for you."

"Aw," I cooed before giving him a kiss. "You know, it is nice to wake up next to you… even if we were woken up by my dad…"

"Do you need to get up and go to work now…or do you have some time?" Edward asked with a raised eyebrow.

After a morning quickie and some cuddle time, I had to relinquish my Edward teddy bear and get ready for the day. Edward threw on some of Emmett's "longue pants" and an oversized t-shirt I let him borrow, insisting on making breakfast for the two of us while I got ready. After getting dressed and heading into the main room, I rolled my eyes to find Rose grinning from her seat at one of the barstools on the kitchen counter as she watched Edward bend over to get something out of the fridge. She shot me a wink and I shot her a one finger salute before joining her at the bar.

"So, Edward, whatcha making?" Rose asked him.

"Uh…toast, bacon and scrambled eggs?" Edward asked as he returned to the stove.

"I think Bella prefers her eggs fertilized," Rose grinned.

"You already had breakfast with Emmett, didn't you?" I snorted. "Go change into work clothes, you ho bag. I don't think your boss would appreciate you coming in wearing last night's raccoon eyes."

"And here I thought getting you laid would calm you down," Rose laughed, heading off to her room. "You still have some work to do to relieve all that stress, Eddy boy."

"Sorry about her," I said to Edward. "She's had months of me teasing her and Emmett like that, so I guess she pounced on the opportunity to get me back."

"It's okay," Edward assured me with a grin.

After breakfast, I had to head out to work while Edward had to head back home to change and get his work done as well. He offered to drop me off at work and gave me a good, long kiss outside the office building before letting me head in to work. Thankfully, I was able to avoid Victoria that morning and was tipped off by Leah via intra-office IM that Victoria had a dentist appointment that afternoon, so wouldn't be around to bug me. I worked more on my article and helped Irina with the last of the interviews for my position before heading off to lunch. Before I left, Irina informed me she would be calling Angela later that afternoon to let her know the position was hers if she wanted it and set up her first day in the office. After grabbing a sandwich and drink from the café at the base of our building, I set myself up at one of their bistro tables and called my dad on his cell.

"Alright, Bells. Spill," Dad ordered. No hello, no asking how I was doing but straight to the point. I sighed, knowing that he wasn't going let me ease into this.

"First of all, Dad, I wasn't keeping anything from you," I tried to explain. "This is all rather new, and we haven't spoken since…"

"If this is all so new why was he at your apartment?" Dad snorted. "No more pussyfooting around about this, Bella. I want to know about this guy."

"His name is Edward Cullen," I sighed. "He's a self-employed web site designer. He's been working on a freelance redesign of _Femme_'s web site, manages some web sites and has done freelance work for some big name companies here in town, like the symphony and a brewery and some restaurants. He also maintains the web site for his sister's business…"

"Family?" Dad asked.

"Very close," I replied. "His mother is an interior decorator, his father is chief of surgery at Virginia Mason, his sister is a wedding planner and she's newly engaged to a history professor at U. Dub. His parents live on Bainbridge and his sister lives in town. He has supper with them every Sunday."

"Have you met his parents?" Dad asked.

"A few times," I said. "His sister and her fiancé have hung out with us, Rose and Emmett a few times as well. His mother has a standing invitation to me for Sunday night suppers as well."

"Where did he go to school?" Dad asked.

"Graduated from U. Dub a three years before I did," I replied.

"What does he drive?" Dad asked.

"A Volvo. And he owns it," I said to him, glad he couldn't see my eye roll.

"Hmm. Those do have good safety ratings," Dad grunted.

"Anything else you want to know?" I grumbled.

"Well, he's never been arrested for anything… only one parking ticket from the University of Washington Police Department…" Dad muttered.

"Daddy! Are you doing a background check on him?" I groaned.

"Pretty decent grades… regular car inspections and gets his registration updated on time…Has insurance," Dad continued on. "So far, so good. But I'm going to look further into this kid…"

"Dad, he is harmless!" I snorted.

"How do you know that Bella?" Dad replied. "I think you're jumping into this too fast. Has he even called you since last night? You remember what I told you about milk and cows, Bella? Who wants to buy the cow when they can have…"

"You are seriously not using that completely sexist saying on me," I snorted. "Besides, Dad, he texted me a ten, only an hour after he dropped me off at work this morning, just to make sure I was having a good day at work."

"He sounds a little obsessive," Dad said. "Are you sure he isn't stalking you or…"

"Are you seriously listening to yourself?" I grimaced. "He's a nice guy, Dad. Seriously. He's an old-fashioned gentleman, you know? He opens doors for me and pulls out my chair for me. Last night, he took me to one of the fanciest restaurants in Seattle and to a play because he wanted to make me feel special, Dad. Isn't that the sort of guy you always wanted me to find?"

"No," Dad snorted. "I wanted you to live at home until you're forty and get married after I'm dead."

"You aren't even going to give him a chance, are you? You're just going to decide you don't like him and no matter what he or I do or say, you're just going to be committed to not liking him," I said, angrily. "You could at least give him a chance, Dad. He's so great to me, and I really think you'd like him if he wasn't dating me. I'd think you'd be grateful that there is someone around here that really cares about me and looks after me and wants to make sure I'm safe and stuff."

"Fine, Bells, you win," Dad sighed. "You know you'll always be my only little girl, and I don't like the thought that some strange guy who could have ulterior motives is hanging around you."

"Dad, Edward isn't using me," I snorted. "He's never asked me for anything. In fact, he spent close to a hundred bucks the other night just at a restaurant because he wanted to make me feel important."

"Can't be too smart if he's throwing money around like that," Dad huffed.

"Daddy," I cautioned him.

"I know, I know," he grumbled. "So, when are you bringing this boy down to meet me?"

"Dad…" I began.

"You've already met his whole family," Dad pointed out. "How about this weekend? He could meet Sue and Seth. You could show him around town, and I could take him fishing…"

"Yeah, you taking my boyfriend fishing has always ended well," I snorted.

"Hey, I didn't know what's his name couldn't swim and the other one… the frat guy… well, he was just a wuss…" Dad began.

"I'll check with Edward and see if he has anything planned this weekend, okay?" I sighed. "But I want you to be on your best behavior."

"I'll do my best," Dad snorted.

"Bye, Daddy," I sighed.

"Bye, Bells," he replied.

After hanging up with my father, I sighed and then dialed Edward's number quickly. I just hoped he would forgive me for subjecting him to a weekend at Charlie's.


	42. Chapter 42

**EPOV**

I don't know how I managed to do it, but the entire time Bella was on the phone explaining to me that her Dad wanted to meet me I managed to play it cool. I told her everything was fine, that I would love to meet her dad and that it would be perfectly fine for us to head down to see him this weekend. If she even wanted to duck out early I volunteered to drive us down to Forks so we could spend some extra time down there. Bella seemed a little surprised at how calm and collected I was treating the whole thing and, to tell the truth, I was surprised how easily the words came out of my mouth. It was only after Bella hung up that the major freak out began.

After a few good blasts on my inhaler, I was finally calmed down enough to start dealing with the situation. I was very thankful Emmett had given me his cell number "just in case," and I was certain he would help me with the little emergency I had gotten myself into. I called him quickly and he picked up after a few rings. I could hear the shouts and grunts of guys in the gym behind him and after saying hello, he put on a drill sergeant voice, ordering some guy to quit acting like a pussy and give him thirty more squats. Turning back to the phone, he was the same jolly Emmett I knew.

"So, what's going on?" Emmett asked.

"Bella's dad may have called her this morning and I may have accidentally picked up the phone," I said. "And now that he's figured out we're together, he wants us to come down this weekend. And I may have told Bella I was completely on board, that it would be no problem and that we could even head down early on Friday if she wanted…"

"Shit man, you either got it bad for Bells or you are the dumbest person I've ever met," Emmett laughed. "A weekend with the chief? You prepared for that?"

"Do you think I would have taken twenty puffs on my inhaler and then called you if I felt confident enough to face Chief Charlie 'Sure Shot' Swan on my own?" I snorted.

"How'd you find out about the nickname?" Emmett asked.

"I googled him," I replied. "Did you know he is the pistol, rifle and long-range shooting champion for the Clallam County Gun Club fifteen years in a row? And that's he's been ranked the 'top shot' for the Olympic Peninsula Law Enforcement Shooting Championships so many years they named the trophy after him? There is a picture of the man receiving all of these trophies for shooting contests. In one of them, he's alongside the governor and Washington's NRA president on their web site! Not to mention he holds some sort of fishing derby 'quickest fillet knife' record. The man is going to shoot me and then cut me up into pieces and toss me into the ocean."

"Yeah, googling Charlie was probably a bad idea,' Emmett conceded. "What are you doing the rest of the day?"

"I've got most of my major projects out of the way," I replied. "Other than that my main plan for the next two days is trying to bend over and kiss my ass goodbye."

"I'll clear my schedule," Emmett assured me. "I'll be over there in an hour. Don't worry, man. We turn you into Charlie Swan's best friend. By the time this weekend is over, he will be begging you to date Bella."

"Not that I'm doubting your abilities, but do you really think it is possible to make me best buddies with Charlie?" I asked Emmett curiously.

"Eh, stranger things have happened," Emmett said. "See you in a bit."

An hour later, Emmett was at my door with a huge, mysterious duffel bag. He walked over to my coffee table, set it down, and started pulling out colored notecards, pens, pencils, a driver's education manual, a couple of CDs and several books on fly fishing, trout and salmon fishing, guns and gun maintenance. If someone had just walked into the room without any context, they would probably assume Emmett and I were joining some sort of weird militia group or attempting to survive on our own in the wild like mountainmen. I had never been so angry that my parents never took us camping without an RV and a hotel in reasonable distance. Charlie Swan was going to leave me to starve to death in the woods.

"Oh, you won't starve to death," Emmett replied when I told him that. "Charlie told me that people die from exposure much quicker than they die from starvation."

"Great," I grumbled. "So, how are the fruity pink and purple index cards gonna help me out?"

"We are going to make you some Charlie Swan flash cards," Emmett said. I raised an eyebrow at him. "Hey, it helped me learn French in high school and in college."

"You took French?" I snorted.

"Of course I did," Emmett replied. "The ladies love a guy who can lay down a little _parlez-vous français_ on them, you feel?"

"I honestly don't know how to respond to that," I replied.

"By the time you hit the road to Forks this Friday, you are going to know Charlie Swan like the back of your hand," Emmett said. "I am putting all of my knowledge, Rose's knowledge, Bella's knowledge and some stuff I've learned from the guys on the force into this. With any luck, he'll think you're his long-lost son or something."

"Uh, that probably isn't a good idea considering that would make Bella my sister," I pointed out.

"Fair enough," Emmett nodded. "So, what do you want to learn first? What types of guns he's going to be aiming at your head the first five seconds after you walk through the door or how to catch and fry up a decent-sized fish Swan style?"

"Maybe we could start by drawing up my last will and testament," I said. "I'm pretty sure my sister has a friend who's a notary…"

"Sit down," Emmett ordered me. "We'll start with a refresher on basic traffic laws so none of the Forks PD goons have any reason to pull you over down there."

Emmett stayed until pretty late that night and the two of us had an old-fashioned study session, complete with beer and pizza. We had worked on flash cards and by the end of the evening, I knew everything from Charlie's favorite beer to his favorite fish fry recipe to his favorite teams and players, a little more about football than I had ever hoped to learn outside of playing Madden as well some minor defense tactics to deal with Charlie's minor digs and verbal whiplash. Emmett decided to make me more comfortable by informing me Charlie taught a state-recognized police interrogation course one summer when he was off duty after getting shot in the leg.

"Oh, and he'll tell you all about getting shot in the leg," Emmett said. "Don't wince or anything at the story. Just make him feel like a tough guy. He embellishes the shit out of that story and Bella will tell you what really happened later, but go with his fish story about it. Makes him feel impressive."

"Okay," I nodded. "Anything else?"

"We've been over always calling him 'sir' and greeting him as 'Chief Swan' and practiced the firm handshake… done the flash cards… your pathetic knowledge of football has been expanded," Emmett said thoughtfully. "You know how to thread a worm on a hook…"

"Where on earth did you find live worms and fishhooks anyway?" I snorted.

"Hey, Seattle is an old fish town," Emmett snorted. "Now, where was I… Well, I think we're good. Just read those books, go over your flash cards… maybe have Bella quiz on you on the ride down… I think you should be able to handle it."

"I hope so," I sighed.

"Oh, bring a blanket and a pillow," Emmett said.

"Uh…why?" I asked.

"Charlie Swan has owned the same couch his entire life. It's lumpy, smelly and nasty and plaid, but he won't get rid of it," Emmett explained. "There are only two bedrooms in the Swan home, one for Bella and one for the Chief. You will have to sleep on the nasty couch. Don't even bring up sharing a room with Bella if you want to live. Don't attempt to sneak into Bella's room after the chief goes to sleep. The stairs are extra creaky and the chief's bedroom is between the top of the stairs and the door to Bella's room. When Bella invites a boy over, the chief sleeps with his bedroom door open so he can hear anything going on out in the hallway. The only place you should go at night is to take a leak in the downstairs bathroom, if you're really brave. I would recommend holding it until nightfall or maybe hiding a jar underneath the couch sometime during the day. Do not tempt fate unless you want to know what it's like to go through the rest of your life without a penis. Midnight romps in Bella's childhood room are probably the easiest way to go from aroused to eunuch in a matter of seconds."

"Yeah, because I'll be able to get it up knowing Charlie Swan is probably sleeping with his hunting knife and fish fillet knife under his pillow, just waiting for me to fuck up," I snorted. "I'm going to have to check my closet to make sure Chief Swan isn't there before I go to bed tonight."

"Actually, that's a pretty good idea," Emmett nodded. "You might want to do that every night from now on. He's pretty spry and stealthy for a guy nearing retirement. Even if he eats bacon cheese burgers on a regular basis… Oh, that's another thing. His doctors concerned about his heart and all the fat he eats. Bella will try to lecture him and make him eat salad and shit while she's down there. I know you love Bella and would do anything for her, but side with Charlie on the food debate. Don't do it in a way that pisses Bella off, mind you, but do it in a way that makes Charlie feel you're in his corner. I ordered pie at the dinner and slipped the slice over to him when she and Rose went to the bathroom. We're buds for life now. Of course, I'm not screwing his daughter, so he was more willing to like me."

"What am I going to do if despite all this he just downright hates me?" I sighed. "Bella's close with her dad and if, no matter what I do, he just won't like me… Hell, I don't care if he likes me. Tolerating me would be enough, but if he hates me… Bella will probably break up with me, won't she?"

"I don't know. She's dated guys after Charlie told her he hated them," Emmett shrugged. "Most of them turned out to be douchebags anyway…"

"That doesn't answer my question, Emmett," I pointed out.

"He'll like you. Don't beat yourself up," Emmett said. "I've put some of my best coaching into you for this. Look, there's plenty you've got going for you Bella's boyfriends haven't had in the past. You have a job…"

"Self-employed with no health insurance," I pointed out.

"And you own your own car…" Emmett said.

"It was a graduation gift from my parents," I said.

"You treat Bella with respect…" Emmett continued.

"You know, even though he found out I slept over at her place when I picked up her phone," I snorted.

"You're big on your family, you don't have a criminal record, and you aren't covered in piercings, tattoos or belong to any anarchistic, anti-government, police are pigs groups," Emmett said. "And, no offense, but you're kind of nerdy and Dad's dig that sort of thing, you know? Makes you seem like you aren't much of a threat or just in it to hit and quit it. Believe me, this beefcake body has made more than one dad put his foot down on me seeing his daughter. It's like being large and in charge makes me abuse or some sort of sex addict. I can't help it that I'm just naturally buff."

"In some weird, hard to believe way, you've made me feel a little better," I admitted.

"No problem, bud," Emmett nodded. "And don't worry, okay? Dude, you've got this. You are hands down the nicest guy Bella has ever brought home. If Charlie doesn't like you, then it's not you. He just doesn't like anyone Bella dates."

"How did you deal when you met Rose's parents?" I asked him.

"Surprisingly well," Emmett admitted. "I was sweating bullets all throughout dinner and her dad was giving me the stink eye. Five seconds before we left he told me that he was glad I wasn't some little fucker like the guy she had divorced and from then on, we've been cool. Of course, getting him box seats to all the Seahawk games and eating his share of Rose's mom's nasty lima bean salad has helped my case a little. You just gotta find what works, you know?"

"I guess," I sighed.

"To be fair, I had to deal with both of Rose's over protective parents," Emmett said. "Her mom was pretty tough on me, and I had to sweeten her up before she warmed up to me. You've just got to deal with Charlie. Renee will make comments about how cute you are and ask Bella embarrassing questions about your sex life. And her new husband Phil… well, you probably won't see him that often and he doesn't talk much, so I wouldn't worry about him. I swear, the time they were in town and we met them he forgot Bella's name. I think she's still pissed about that. But once you get Charlie, you're golden."

"Good to know," I said.

"Well, I better head home," Emmett said. "Go over your flash cards tomorrow, get a good night's sleep and don't work yourself up over this, okay?"

"Thanks, Emmett," I nodded. "You've been great about this. Seriously, I owe you."

"Don't worry, dude. It's in the Bro Code," Emmett shrugged. He gave me a fist bump and then headed out the door. With Emmett gone, I was still in a state of panic, but I felt a lot better knowing I had a friend like him backing me up when it came to Chief Swan.


	43. Chapter 43

**BPOV**

Edward handled the news of the visit to my dad very well. Almost so well I had a hard time believing he was as cool with it as he sounded. Of course, I didn't have too much time to pry into Edward's real feelings about meeting with the chief because I was already stressed out with everything on my plate. In addition to convincing Charlie not to shoot the guy who is probably the best boyfriend I have ever had, Thursday was the day for my homeless make under and Victoria sending me out into the streets for my first person perspective on homelessness. It was hard to sleep that night, even though I desperately wanted some shuteye. I figured being sleepy and inattentive was not the best way to stay alert and on my toes to prevent from getting raped or robbed.

I showed up promptly that morning when Victoria asked me to and she led me up to Femme's floor where a gum popping, waif-looking makeup artist was waiting for me. Victoria was very happy with the "ratty" clothes I had picked out to wear: a pair of ripped jeans and an old shirt from high school I had once helped my dad paint a shed in. Apparently, I already looked the part of the hobo and the makeup artist was going to grease my hair and give me a more "authentic" homeless look. I sort of wanted to barf.

"Maybe you could cut it uneven…" Victoria said.

"I don't know… that would imply she was once rich enough to afford a haircut with layering in it," the makeup artist clucked. "Try to make my job easier by not putting on any make up this morning?"

"Uh… I just put on some light…" I began.

"Seriously? What is this? Grocery store make up?" she snorted, touching my face and then rubbing the powder between her fingers. "My God, no wonder your skin is so dry!"

"See, Bella, I knew you'd be perfect for this assignment," Victoria gleamed at me.

"I'm not so sure about this," I told her. "Are you positive Irina approved this?"

"Yeah. She loved it," Victoria said before turning back to the makeup artist. "Her nails are too manicured. We should probably do something about that, you know?"

"I wish I had some more time to put her on a diet regime," the makeup artist said. "Homeless people are supposed to be thin, right? Like crack whores? God, if only I could be as thin as a crack whore…"

"So…uh… before I go out, what angle are you hoping for here?" I asked Victoria. "Do you want me to really go into the first person thing or do you want me to just record what I see and do… Maybe a more journal or blog type thing?"

"You'll figured it out," Victoria said dismissively. "Do you think we should give her bangs?"

"Would a homeless person have bangs?" the makeup artist asked. "I think I saw one once, but I don't remember if it had bangs or not…"

"Vhat exactly is going on here?" Irina's shrill voice shouted over the newsroom. Victoria turned white as a sheet and the makeup artist absolutely gushed. I found myself surprised to see a gleaming Leah Clearwater was hot on her heels.

"Oh, my goodness! You're Irina!" she giggled. "I can't believe it's you!"

"Victoria, vhy is Bella sitting in makeup chair, wearing… painting clothes?" Irina demanded to know.

"Well…uh… the thing is…" Victoria began.

"You said Irina gave you full approval on this story!" I told her, angrily.

"Vhat story?" Irina asked.

"Bella told me all about it," Leah said. "Great idea, Victoria. I really think the plight of the homeless, especially homeless women, is a topic completely ignored in today's media, but it honestly does need to be underscored for society. I'm surprised you didn't leap on going undercover yourself. So nice of you to give a newbie like Bella here a leg up."

"Homeless?" Irina asked Victoria with a scowl.

"Yeah! That's what I was called here for," the makeup artist nodded jovially. "I'm here to help Bella transform into a homeless person for her big, undercover expose. Victoria explained it all to me. It's really genius, I think, what Victoria came up with. Bella is going to live like a homeless person for a day and then write about it."

"Hmm… I do believe I vould have remembered approving story like this," Irina said, her eyes narrowing on Victoria.

"You told me she approved the story days ago," I said to Victoria in disbelief. Victoria shot me an angry glare, as if willing me to shut up so she could save face. However, Irina seemed to be a lot smarter than Victoria gave her credit for.

"Victoria, meet me in office. Bella… Go home and change… You vill train Angela today. She accepted position," Irina said.

"But…" Victoria began.

"Met in office," Irina demanded. She looked at the makeup artist as Victoria stomped off for her meeting with Irina. "You vork at _Femme_?"

"Oh, gosh, no," she squealed, "but I'd love to. No, I'm just studying to do makeup in college. I'm a theater major with Vicky's sister and she met me when I did the work this spring on our musical. We did _Cats_!"

"I see," Irina nodded. She fished a business card out of her bag and turned it over to the girl. "Friend of mine in city. Professional photographer. Always looking for intern. I recommend you to him. Now, go." Irina waved her hands and, like an obedient butterfly, the girl flitted off.

"I'm so sorry, Irina. Victoria said she had gotten this approved and, well, it was an interested assignment without going undercover," I began. "I know it's risky…but we do have freelancers in Africa and places…And since she had your approval… I mean, she told me she had run it by you and it was okay, so I just assumed…"

"Too risky assignment," Irina shook her head. "Different for journalists embedded. Have bodyguards and photographers. Wear bullet proof vests. Not investigative piece I would approve for magazine, especially not with such a new writer. You need more experience behind desk. Bella, go home and change."

"Yes ma'am," I said, terrified I had maybe lost my writing job before it had even begun.

"Leah, thank you for telling me," Irina said. She turned and then whisked into her office to talk to Victoria.

"Oh God, you're not going to cry are you?" Leah groaned at me when Irina had disappeared.

"I'm going to lose my job!" I pouted.

"No. That fake bitch Victoria is," Leah snorted. "She would have gotten you stabbed in an alley somewhere. Don't deny it. And then who would that pretty-boy boyfriend of yours cuddle at night, huh? It would gut the guy. Now, come on, let's get you out of here and into some clothes that are work appropriate."

"I can't believe it! My first assignment and I've already lost…" I began, as Leah led me toward the elevator.

"You aren't loosing anything," Leah shook her head. "Bella, you know what Victoria is like. Didn't it ever occur to you that she might be stabbing you in the back on purpose?"

"What? You think she was trying to get me killed or something?" I asked worriedly.

"No, I think she was trying to get you fired, but her plan blew up in her face," Leah snorted. "If anyone should be worried about getting sent packing, it's Vicky there. She has to get all of her stories for each issue okayed by either Emily or Irina. If she'd handed that over to Emily, there is no way Emily would have approved that assignment without consulting with Irina. And from what I just heard, there is no way Irina would have approved for you to take on such a risky assignment when you're still learning the ropes. Victoria is not new to the magazine world. As an editor for her section, she should have known to hand that assignment off to a more experienced writer or done it herself."

"Then why would she give it to me if she knows better?" I snorted.

"Obviously, she's not passionate about the subject, otherwise she would have made sure it was approved and completed," Leah said. "She's trying to stab you in the back, Bella. Watch out for her. That is, if she's still your boss at the end of the day. We might be advertising for a new features director if things go the way I think they will."

"I don't get why she'd want me to look bad," I shook my head. "I can't be any sort of competition for her. I mean, I haven't really written anything since college a few years ago."

"It's not your writing ability," Leah replied. "It's the fact that Irina is buddy-buddy with you. Victoria probably thinks you're a shoe-in for whatever promotion comes up next. Maybe Irina doesn't believe in nepotism or cronyism, but Victoria sure does. She thinks you're competition because the boss likes you, not because you do good work."

"Honestly, I feel a little insulted," I snorted. "She told me she thought I got the job because Irina liked me… I couldn't believe Irina would promote me to that position just because she likes me. I mean, she's a tough critic journalistically. I thought the fact that she liked my story was high praise."

"It is. Believe me, Irina would never put someone in a position if she felt they didn't deserve it," Leah shook her head as we exited the elevator into the lobby. "I read that piece, Bella. It was great. Victoria just wants you to doubt yourself. She's the bully on the playground, the mean girl in the cafeteria. She's going to fight hard and dirty, and you have to be prepared for that. Not everyone in this business is nice or in it for the right reasons. Victoria just wants to get her name out there. She's had things handed to her throughout her life and thinks it's much easier to backstab and bitch your way to the top than earn it."

"I guess I just thought I'd show up, work hard, and get my assignments done and she'd like me," I sighed. "I thought that would be enough."

"Nothing is ever enough for some people," Leah said.

"Thanks for sticking up for me, and fighting a little dirty for me since I'm not good at that," I told her. "You know, I'm probably the most naïve person on the face of the planet."

"I don't think that's true," Leah shrugged. "But hey, I figured I owe you one after going with me to that Forty Under Forty party and encouraging me to hook up with a hunky guy."

"How are you and Jacob?" I asked.

"Peachy, though I think he's trying to make things much more serious than they need to be," Leah shrugged. "He wants me to come meet the fam during some big reunion later this summer. And both of his sisters have already called to tell me the two of us would make beautiful babies together. Who does that?"

"Maybe they just want to be aunts already," I shrugged. "Speaking of meeting the fam, Edward has to meet my dad this weekend."

"He 'has' to meet your dad. Why doesn't he 'get' to meet your Dad?" Leah asked curiously.

"Uh… Edward may have picked my phone up early the other morning when my dad called…" I began.

"Oh, shit," Leah laughed. "I would have been mortified. I mean, my dad's still under the impression I'm a virgin. I figured by the time I was married and had popped out a kid or two he would maybe start to think I'd had sex, but not before then."

"Exactly," I sighed. "So now we get to go down there this weekend and Edward gets to be the target at my dad's psychological shooting range. He's apparently already getting all of his guns down and ready to display when we get there."

"How's Edward dealing with it?" Leah asked.

"He's treating it like everything is just hunky-dory," I shrugged. "At least he didn't turn and run the other way, you know? I just hope Dad doesn't scare him off. I really like him."

"Ah, let your dad have his fun," Leah replied. "I mean, how many more boyfriends is he going to get to scare off in your lifetime anyway?" I didn't say anything, but I knew Leah had made a pretty decent point. Maybe, if I was very lucky, this would be the last weird meet the parents confrontation with my father.

I went home, changed quickly and then headed back to work, a little wary of what wrath my face me when I arrived there. I was surprised to see a very eager Angela in the office waiting for me. She was dressed impeccably thought in an assertive manner becoming her position as a minister's daughter. We chatted for a little while. She caught me up on her life with Ben and the gossip in Forks. I told her about how nervous I was bringing Edward home to meet my dad. Angela reassured me that things would work out, especially since Edward wasn't going to be stupid and get himself arrested like Mike had on prom night. Angela also told me Mike was still working at his parents' sporting goods store downtown. I honestly wanted to avoid him the entire time Edward and I were there. Not that a visit to Newton's Outfitters was on my to-do list anyway. I then started showing Angela the ropes and had her about halfway through the list of her daily duties when Irina emerged from her office.

"Ladies," Irina addressed us. "Angela, I see Bella has showed you around, yes?"

"Yes," Angela smiled. "I'm very eager to get started."

"Good," Irina nodded. "I vill vant to talk vith you vhen Bella is finished. Bella is best for giving office tour."

I finished the office tour and then deposited Angela back in Irina's office. Angela was very chipper and left the office very excited to begin her new job. I said goodbye to her before she flitted out of the office and then was left to face Irina on my own. I knew Irina wanted to speak with me, and not just about Angela starting work at _Femme_. Deep down, I was terrified, but I did my best to keep a cool, confident air when I faced Irina after Angela left.

"Angela will begin Monday," Irina informed me. "Emily vill show you to new desk tomorrow. You vill set up there tomorrow."

"Okay," I nodded, still nervous. "I'm assuming… you want to talk about what happened this morning."

"I vant to hear your side of story," Irina nodded.

"Well, when Victoria came with the initial idea to me, I was really excited and started researching. It seemed like a great topic, so I couldn't wait to sink my teeth into it," I explained. "Then she proposed the idea of me going undercover as homeless to make the story 'more edgy.' I balked at the idea at first, but I knew _Femme_ has done undercover pieces before, and she assured me she would run it by you and Emily first. I was under the impression it had your full approval. I mean, Victoria is supposed to be my boss. I didn't have any reason to doubt her… I mean, Victoria seems like a tough cookie, but I didn't think she'd do anything to put me in harm's way or without your approval."

"I see," Irina nodded. She was quiet for a moment and I was a little afraid of what she might say next. "Victoria is on paid leave for next two veeks to think about vhat she has done. In meantime, you vill continue story _vithout_ undercover angle. I do not know if Victoria vas attempting some hazing ritual as they say, but she has been dealt vith. I vill be talking vith others in her department to see if anything similar has been done."

"I understand," I nodded.

"You are not to blame, Bella," Irina informed me. "Vhat she did not acceptable. I vill be talking vith her when she returns."

"Alright," I nodded. It was comforting to know Irina was on my side, but at the same time, I was still nervous for when Victoria returned to the office.


	44. Chapter 44

**EPOV**

Since her major task was switching desks, Bella's boss allowed her to just work a half day Friday. It was both a blessing and a curse since I got to spend more time with Bella that day, but it also meant that we got to leave for Forks at one in the afternoon rather than later around five. Leaving earlier meant we would arrive at Chief Swan's place between four-thirty and five, just in time for supper, instead of getting there just in time to hit the sack. That also meant more face time with the Chief. Of course, on the upside, it might mean he had less time to plan where to hide my remains or how to kill me. I tried not to worry about Chief Swan as we headed out of Seattle. Instead, I focused on Bella telling me about moving her desk around and her concerns about Victoria, her new boss.

I hadn't held back the day before when Bella called me after work to tell me what Victoria had planned for her. It was a stupid idea, though I didn't exactly tell Bella that. I told her I was glad she didn't go through with something that would have put her at risk. Bella was still nervous about her job while I was ready to track this Victoria bitch down and give her a piece of my mind. I had somehow lucked out to get Bella to agree to date me, so I wasn't about to let some jealous magazine editor fuck things up for both of us by getting Bella killed by hobos and junkies. At least there was something Chief Swan and I could agree on.

With some navigation from Bella, I managed to find my way across the Olympic Peninsula and down the 101 on our way to Forks. We had taken my Volvo since Bella didn't have a car, and I didn't think it would be right to borrow Rose's, which was what Bella usually did. Along the drive, Bella entertained me with stories of growing up in the small town. She didn't get into too much trouble as the only child of the town's chief of police but she still made some fond memories of Forks and the surrounding areas. Hearing Bella's anecdotes gave the place more color and character than before, and I saw the places we passed through her eyes. It made them that much more special to me. I was eager to get out to some of her childhood haunts when we arrived, to see where she had gone to school, and to get to know the town she still spoke so fondly about. Hopefully, Chief Swan would give me enough time to do all of that before he slit my throat in my sleep.

The closer and closer we came to Forks the more frantic I began about my impending meeting with Chief Swan. I suppose us Cullens must have under-performing sweat glands because I felt like I should have been sweating bullets when we saw the "Welcome to Forks" sign. I was more nervous than when I had accidently torched half of the chem lab in high school or when two of my friends at a sleepover when I was eleven convinced me to raid my dad's liquor cabinet only for him to get a rare night off. We were right not time, not too early because I didn't want to be accused of speeding and not too late because I didn't want to be accused of romping around with Bella in the backseat at a rest stop. I slowly pulled my car into the spot in the driveway next to Charlie Swan's cruiser then offered up a quick prayer to whatever powers may be that I survive this weekend with all of my body parts, and even more pressingly my relationship with Bella, completely intact. As soon as the engine was shut off, a tall Native American woman came hurdling out of the house and straight toward Bella, engulfing her in a hug.

"Bella! It's been forever!" she squealed.

"Sue, it's good to see you," Bella said, hugging her back fiercely. "Dad didn't tell me you were coming!"

"Oh, well he told me you were coming in, and so I thought I'd come over with Seth for the evening to see you," Sue smiled conspiratorially, "and serve as a buffer. You know your dad won't be too harsh if he has someone else around."

"Thanks," Bella said earnestly. "So, where is Seth?"

"He's supposed to be working on some end of term paper," Sue rolled her eyes, "but he's probably watching TV with your father." Bella laughed. Sue then turned to me. "So, you must be Edward."

"Yes, ma'am," I said, extending my hand for her to shake. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you, too. About time Bella brought someone back here," Sue grinned. "So, shall we get the two of you settled inside?"

"It's alright. I've got the bags," I replied. Sue and Bella both gave me a knowing look, but they could both see my male ego wasn't going to let up. Bella grabbed her laptop bag from the car and then I took both of our suitcases, carrying them up the stairs and into the house. Waiting for us just in the door was a tall, lanky teenage boy I assumed to be Sue's son.

"Hey Bells!" he grinned.

"Hi Seth," she said, giving him a big hug and then ruffling his hair like an older sister would. "How's school?"

"Sucks," Seth said. "You and Rose are going to take me to all the great parties in Seattle when I head to U. Dub next year, right?"

"Sure," Bella laughed. "You are still graduating, right?"

"Hey, I'm not that dumb," Seth snorted.

"Between soccer practice, his friends and his girlfriend it's a wonder he has time to do his schoolwork," Sue said pointedly.

"Seth has a girly-friend?" Bella teased.

"Shut up," Seth said, obviously embarrassed. Bella moved aside and I went to put the bags down. Seth helped me, seeming to notice I was a little weighed down. Bella must have packed bricks instead of clothing in her suitcase. I felt a shadow over myself and looked up to see the menacing figure of Charlie Swan, already giving me the stink eye.

"Daddy!" Bella squealed before throwing her arms around him. His eyes directed toward Bella, Charlie's face actually softened into a slight smile and he gave her a tight squeeze in return.

"How was the trip?" he asked gruffly.

"Very smooth," Bella said. "No rain, which was a real surprise."

"Well, you made good time," he nodded. He then turned his attention to me and I knew it was the moment of truth.

"Daddy, this is Edward," Bella introduced me apprehensively. Charlie gave me the old once over, and I could have sworn I heard a growl from him. I tried not to let his harsh glare and the fact that his mouth had disappeared completely under his moustache intimidate me.

"Edward Cullen," I said extending my hand for him to shake. "It's an honor to meet you, Chief Swan." He looked at my hand as if he was disgusted, but shook it anyways. I did my best to give the firm handshake Emmett and I had practiced. "Bella has told me a lot about you…"

"Wish I could say the same," he grimaced, dropping my hands. He looked around at everyone else in the room. "Seth, take Bella's stuff up to her room," he groused.

"Okay," Seth said without protesting. I had a feeling any offer on my part to take care of Bella's belongings would just be a strike against me in Charlie's book.

"Is there anywhere you want me to put my things so they won't be in the way?" I asked him.

"Closet in the living room. Don't knock anything over," he said gruffly. Bella and Sue both gave him a sharp look, but without hesitation, I took my bags, stored them carefully in the closet and then turned around to see everyone else had come into the living room already.

"Well, I'm sure you two are hungry," Sue said. "I was just putting the finishing touches on supper when you came up the driveway. Edward, I hope you like steak."

"Yes, ma'am," I replied. "Of course, you didn't have to go to all that trouble for me."

"Damn straight," Charlie coughed.

"Well, it isn't every day Bella brings home a young man," Sue winked at her. Bella turned bright read as Seth came thumping down the stairs.

"Let's eat!" He hollered.

We all filed into the kitchen to sit around the small dining table there. I guess it wasn't accustomed to holding more than two people, possibly three on a heavy traffic day, so it was a bit of a squeeze to fit all five of us around it. I found myself sandwiched between Bella and the Chief. Bella gave me a reassuring look while her father seemed to be willing me not to exist. After Chief Swan muttered a brief grace, Sue started passing dishes around. I was smart enough to let Chief Swan have his pick of the steaks and let him, Bella and Sue get whatever portions of food they wanted before getting my own. Seth went last since he pretty much ate what was left after everyone else had gotten their own portions.

"Everything is delicious. Thank you, Sue," I said after a few bites.

"You're welcome," she smiled. The table again fell silent save for the sounds of Seth shoveling food into his mouth. Chief Swan silently cut his steak into smaller and smaller pieces while sending me a death glare.

"So… Sue… how is work?" Bella asked, attempting to rejuvenate the conversation.

"Wonderful," she smiled. "Just the other day I delivered a set of twins to one of her classmates… what was her name…"

"Loose Legs Lauren," Seth supplied.

"Seth!" Sue hissed at him.

"What? That's what everyone called her," Seth snorted. "I mean, she has a pair of twins and doesn't know who the father is. I heard they might not even be twins. They might have two different dads…"

"Seth," Sue snipped at him, "you will respect this table by having appropriate conversations. Bella has a guest. Do you want to embarrass her."

"Ah, come on," Seth grimaced. "I don't think Bella would mind some dirt on Lauren. I mean, she practically threw herself at Mike the entire time…"

"So, Sue, you work at the hospital?" I asked, knowing it was probably a good time to change the conversation.

"Yes. I've been a nurse there since… gosh… well, a couple of decades to say the least," Sue said. "I love it. You get to meet all sorts of people there."

"Edward's father is a surgeon in Seattle," Bella said.

"Well, it's a small world isn't it?" Sue smiled. Charlie grunted and grabbed the steak sauce. He poured a generous dollop on his plate and then sat the sauce bottle down next to him, as if daring anyone else to ask for some. Sue continued. "Bella said you're in web site design?"

"Yes," I nodded. "Mainly freelance work… consulting… I'm working on a redesign for Femme right now, which is a great opportunity for me."

"How did the two of you meet?" Sue asked. I panicked, not exactly wanting to confess to Bella's online dating fiasco.

"At work," Bella jumped in. "When he came in to talk about the web site. We got to talking, became friends and it started… developing from there. Rose is actually related to his sister's fiancé, so I'm sure we would have run into each other eventually if he hadn't taken the job at Femme."

"I know Bella loves her job," Sue said. "I can't imagine what it's like working for a sophisticated magazine editor…"

"You didn't tell them about your promotion?" I asked Bella, surprised.

"Promotion?" Charlie Swan said, suddenly more interested in the conversation than moving steak around on his plate.

"Uh… yeah… I'm going to be writing features now," Bella said. "I sent in a sample for Irina and she and the editors like it… and they're going to run it… and now I'm a full time writer. I already moved my desk and I'll start officially on Monday… I'm working on a new assignment and everything…I'm just hoping I do well…"

"Has she always been in denial about how much talent she has?" I asked Sue, who laughed.

"She can be a little modest. Swan-side family trait, I think," Sue said, shooting Charlie a wink.

"Well, you're phenomenal," I told her. "She's easily going to be the best writer the magazine has."

"Come on, Edward," Bella shook her head. "Some of these women have been writing for years…"

"Doesn't mean they have your natural talent," I shrugged.

"Seriously, though, enough about me," Bella shook her head. "Dad, how's the department?"

"Good," Charlie groused.

"Forks hasn't had any excitement lately?" Bella asked.

"No," he said shortly. Bella frowned, obviously annoyed her father wasn't putting more effort into the conversation.

The dinner continued on pretty much like that, Charlie saying nothing while Sue and Bella made half-hearted attempts to start up some conversation. When dinner was over, Sue brought out pie and coffee and again tried to force some conversation, but Charlie wasn't having it. He announced quickly that he intended to retire for the evening and, a bit miffed, Sue decided to take Seth home for the night. I helped Bella do the dishes while Charlie called in to the office to check and make sure there wasn't any shenanigans up in Forks for the evening. He returned to find the two of us putting the last of the plates away.

"Sue made up your bed for you this afternoon," Charlie said to Bella. "Sheets should be fresh and everything." He turned his attention to me and, for a brief second, I could have sworn Charlie Swan was trying to explode my head using a mix of mind control and sheer force of will. He huffed. "You take the sofa."

"Alright," I nodded. "Is there a bathroom downstairs for me to get ready in?"

"There's a mud room-laundry room on the other side of the living room," Bella instructed me. "The downstairs bathroom is across the hall from that."

"Okay," I agreed. Charlie looked ready to pull Bella up the stairs with him and then lock her in her room for the rest of the night. I wasn't sure what I had done, but Charlie's patience seemed to be wearing thin.

"Daddy, do you have anything for Edward to make up his bed on the couch with?" she asked.

"Oh, Bella, I'm fine. I brought…" I began.

"I'll get something," Charlie said. "Bella, you should head to bed. You had a long drive." Bella grimaced at him, but Charlie didn't seem to notice.

I said goodnight, opting to give her a quick peck when I saw Charlie had exited the room briefly. When we walked into the living room, Charlie gave Bella a knowing look and then made her go up the stairs, following behind to make sure I didn't come up with them. I grabbed my suitcase, got ready for bed in the bathroom and emerged out of the bathroom to prepare the sofa for sleeping that night. When I emerged, I found myself face-to-face with Charlie Swan who was holding out an old, pink-and-white-checkered bed sheet for me. I looked a little torn, but I had a feeling Charlie Swan didn't exactly have any two thousand thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets. I also had a feeling this old sheet was the best I was going to get from him.

"For your bed," Charlie gruffed.

"Thank you," I nodded, taking it from me.

"Bella's gone to bed," Charlie informed me, raising an eyebrow, seeming very interested in what my response would be.

"Alright," I nodded. "Goodnight, sir."

"Hmphf," Charlie snorted before turning and heading upstairs himself.

He turned off all the lights, save for the one in the living room, on his way. I heard the creak of Charlie's door closing and the light going off, but I could see his door wasn't completely closed. Even though the light was off, I had a feeling Charlie Swan was sitting in the darkness, listening for any sounds that I might make a move to head up after Bella. Instead, I busied myself making up a bed on the couch. After covering the old couch with the old sheet, I fluffed my pillow and got the blanket I had brought with me to cover up with. I turned off the light in the living room and wrapped myself in the blanket before attempting to make myself comfortable on the lumpy couch. I had a feeling Charlie Swan would be sleeping with one eye open, and I wasn't exactly sure how much sleep I would be getting myself.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: And it begins...**


	45. Chapter 45

**BPOV**

It was sort of odd sleeping in my childhood bedroom again. The walls were still the same lavender color I had them painted in middle school and there was still that same air of frilly white girlishness to it. My old bedroom was definitely un-Charlie. Of course, Dad hadn't done what many parents did when I moved out. My room hadn't been converted into a man cave or a woodshop or his gunroom. In fact, it seemed as though nothing I had been moved since I headed out for college. I had the sneaking suspicion Charlie had kept it that way on purpose, hoping maybe I would tire of the big city and come back home.

Dad had ushered me up the stairs quickly after Edward announced he would be getting ready for bed. It was obvious Dad was trying to keep the two of us separated, which really irked me. I was a fully-grown adult living in my own apartment with my own job and paycheck, but in Charlie Swan's house you had to follow Charlie Swan's rules. I fell into a restless sleep, wondering if Edward was comfortable on the old couch and wishing he could be cuddled with me in my albeit small twin-sized bed. Naturally, Charlie had bought the smallest bed possible with the hopes that I couldn't squeeze a guy on it.

I awoke early the next morning and decided to get started on breakfast. Dad would be taking Edward fishing that afternoon and we would have an old-fashioned Forks fish fry for supper. I had hoped to spend the morning showing Edward around town, to my old haunts and stomping crowds, before returning him to my dad. I really hoped Charlie wouldn't try to drown Edward on their fishing trip. I had no idea if Edward knew anything about fishing, but regardless, it was one of Charlie Swan's tests. I sort of wished my dad could just accept I was old enough to date and be polite to the guys I brought home to meet him. I got ready for the day in my bedroom, knowing my dad wouldn't appreciate coming downstairs to find me and Edward in our pajamas, then headed out to work on breakfast.

When I tiptoed past his room, I heard Charlie snoring loudly through the door be had kept ajar, probably thinking it would help him catch Edward and me in the act. I rolled my eyes and then headed down the stairs to find Edward in a rather funny position. He seemed dead to the world and even though the old living room couch was probably the most uncomfortable piece of furniture in existence, Edward seemed to have made himself comfortable there. His head was against his pillow, which was up against the armrest, and his left arm was thrown up over his head, off the side of the couch. His right foot was sticking out of the blanket he had brought, his pajama pants riding up to the knee and his leg dangling off the side of the couch. During the night, his blanket had sort of become wrapped around him like a toga.

Wanting a few moments with Edward before my dad woke up, I wandered over to the side of the couch to wake Edward up. I knelt down beside him, ran my fingers through his hair and then placed a light, feathery kiss on his lips in a sort of reverse Sleeping Beauty. He stirred a little, but seemed still in a very deep sleep. Again, I leaned over and pressed my lips against his with a little bit more force than I had before. His arms and legs moved and his twisted his torso, but then settled back, pulling his blanket up closer to his chin in his sleep. I was surprised to find him such a deep sleeper, so I tried again. I was not only more forceful the third time around but made more movement with my lips, hoping a steamy kiss would be enough to rouse Edward from his deep sleep. Imagine my surprise when he slipped his tongue into my mouth.

"You sneak! You've been awake this whole time!" I accused him, stepping back. Edward met my shocked face with a lazy smirk of his own.

"I just wanted to see how long I could keep you going for," Edward admitted with a shrug, sitting up. "After all, it's not every day a gorgeous girl kisses me awake."

"You are so lucky my father is sleeping like a log upstairs," I shook my head. Edward stood up, wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me again.

"Then I guess I should steal some kisses before he wakes up and shoots me," Edward grinned. I laughed and let him steal a few more before pulling away.

"You need to get dressed while I start breakfast," I instructed him. "Dad will be awake soon. He's an earlier riser, even on the weekends."

"Okay," Edward said, not moving. I sighed and then noticed the sheet he had been using to make his sofa bed.

"Where did you get that sheet?" I asked him.

"Your dad gave it to me last night…" Edward began.

"Ugh! He should have thrown that out years ago! Why does he still have it? It's going in the trash," I ranted. "I can't believe he made you sleep on that!"

"What's wrong? I mean, it's a little torn…" Edward began.

"This is the sheet I had on my bed when I was potty training," I grimaced, ripping it off the couch. "In addition to some accidents when I was a toddler, this was also the sheet I used when I was sick. I can't tell you how many times I threw up on this when I was little…ugh. It should have been burned years ago."

"Are you implying your father was trying to use some weird form of bio terrorism to kill me?" Edward asked, seemingly serious.

"This is hands down the worst sheet he owns," I grumbled. "There are plenty of hardly used sheets in the linen closet. He could have given you those…"

"It's okay," Edward shrugged. "I don't want him to have to do any more laundry than necessary or anything…"

"I'm going to talk with him about this after breakfast," I insisted. We heard some bumping around upstairs, signaling Charlie was starting to wake up.

"I'll go get ready," Edward said.

I made my way into the kitchen and started cooking up my dad's favorites. It would be a smorgasbord of pancakes, bacon, eggs, sausage and fresh coffee. I knew such an overload of fatty foods and meats probably weren't the best for my dad, but I sort of wanted to butter him up since he and Edward would be going fishing later. I wanted Dad to like Edward and I figured keeping my dad happy might lessen the odds of him chasing Edward away. Edward dressed himself pretty quickly, took care of his sofa bed and then wandered in to the kitchen to see what he could help me with. Edward was setting the table and pouring the drinks when Dad ambled into the room.

"Morning, Daddy," I said to him cheerfully, flipping a new batch of pancakes onto a plate and putting the last few on the griddle.

"Morning," Dad responded. He looked over at Edward and his eyes narrowed, as if he had expected Edward to give up and disappear during the night.

"Good morning, sir," Edward said. Dad sat down at the table, not even bothering to give Edward a nod of recognition. Edward didn't seem outwardly phased but I was inwardly seething.

Finishing up the pancakes, I brought the dishes of food to the table and then took my seat between Edward and my dad. Edward sat back and let Charlie pick out what he wanted from the food I had prepared before getting any himself. Dad dug in while Edward and I placed food on our plates, and the meal continued in silence for a while. I tried to think up a good, neutral topic for all of us, but my dad surprised me by speaking first.

"What are you planning to do today Bells?" Dad asked.

"I'm taking Edward around town," I replied. "I'm going to show him my schools, the park, the police department… you know, the places I used to hang out at. I thought we could all meet at the diner for lunch and then the two of you could head out on your fishing trip."

"I invited some of the guys from the department over tonight for the fish fry," Dad told me. "Hope you don't mind."

"No problem. It's been a while since I've seen most of them," Bella admitted.

"You know, we have a new guy on the force since you last came back," Dad said. "You remember Eric Yorkie, don't you?"

"Yes," I said tersely.

"He just got his criminal justice degree at Peninsula and we've been training him," Dad said. "Real ambitious kid. Hopes to be a trooper someday. I mentioned that you'd be coming in and he said he hadn't seen you since graduation."

"Hard to see Eric as a cop," I said. "You know, especially since he completely sexually harassed me and every girl at school from the time we were in sixth grade."

"He's a decent young man," Dad defended.

"He tried to grope my boob at the roller rink in middle school," I replied.

"Well, he's matured since then," Dad shrugged. I shot a pleading look at Edward, who was trying to stay pleasant and quietly eat his breakfast while my dad brought up introducing me to another guy.

"It would be nice to meet some of Bella's friends from school," Edward said finally. Charlie ignored what Edward said, turning back to his pancakes.

We finished breakfast in silence. Dad was busy eating, Edward seemed to not want to make waves and I was just stewing. Edward offered to do the dishes and put them away, which gave me a shot at confronting my dad. While Edward cleaned up the kitchen, I followed my father into the living room where he was ready to sit in his favorite recliner and watch some TV. I was livid at that point and ready to unleash my furor.

"Why are you doing this?" I said to him angrily.

"Why am I doing what?" he replied.

"Treating Edward the way you are!" I said accusingly.

"What?" Dad asked, pretending as if nothing was amiss.

"You either ignore him completely or take cheat shots at him," I said. "You're always glaring at him whenever he says anything. You gave him my old germ-infested bed sheet to sleep with instead of the five or six basically brand new sheet sets in the linen closet. You go on and on about introducing me to another guy while he's sitting right there in front of you at the breakfast table!"

"Well, Eric Yorkie has become a fine young man…" Dad began.

"I wouldn't date Eric Yorkie if we were the last two people on the planet!" I said angrily. "Why are you doing this to Edward?"

"Bella, he's just some boy…" Dad began.

"No. He's not," I said furiously. "He's my boyfriend. Not only is he my boyfriend, but he is the best boyfriend I have ever had. He is the nicest guy I have ever met in my entire life and all he wants to do is make me happy, but you can't see that. We haven't been here an entire day and the only thing you've done is dump on him. You haven't tried to get to know him. You've just… put up walls…"

"I don't think it's a good idea for you to get so attached to a guy this early in a relationship…" he began.

"Are you even listening to me?" I groaned. "Dad, I'm an adult and if I want to date a guy there is nothing you are going to do to stop me. I like Edward dad. In fact, I love him. You have no idea how sweet and thoughtful he is because you won't even give him a chance. I didn't have to bring him down here to meet you, you know. He wanted to. Because his family is so important to him he wanted to get to know mine, and you aren't even giving him the time of day. If you aren't going to at least give him a chance, I can just have us pack up and go back to Seattle. But Dad, I'm planning on being with Edward for a long time, so you're going to have to face this sooner or later."

"I just want you to be happy, and I don't want to see you get hurt," Dad said.

"Well, right now I'm miserable and you're the one hurting me," I said, trying to hold off a sob. "I know I've brought home some losers in the past, but you shouldn't hold that against Edward. Dad, he's the only guy who makes me feel as safe and secure as you do." Dad was quiet for a moment. I knew this had to be hard for him. The past two guys I had brought home he had been rough on, but they had deserved it. I suppose, based on past experience, Dad was worried I had just brought home another douche for him to deal with.

"Alright, Bells, I'll try," Dad sighed. "I still see it as my job to protect you and I know a lot… a lot of young men don't always have the best intentions."

"I know that, Dad," I snorted. "You remember how I gave the same Eric Yorkie you called a 'good young man' a nosebleed after he grabbed my boob, right?"

"Yeah," Dad grimaced.

"Edward's a good guy," I insisted. "You know, if you met him around town or somewhere, he'd be exactly the type of guy you would be telling me I should date."

"Maybe," Dad acquiesced.

"You know, he's worked really hard to impress you," I said.

"What do you mean?" Dad asked curiously.

"Rose said he and Emmett got together this week. He's been reading up on fishing, hunting, the Washington driver's manual, and all your law enforcement and hunting awards," I said. "He really wants you to like him and Emmett told Rose that Edward's been trying really hard to impress you. He really wants you to like him."

"Hmphf," Dad snorted.

"Promise you'll give him a chance, please?" I begged.

"Alright," Dad grimaced, "but I'm not going to promise you that I won't toss him in Lake Pleasant if he acts up."


	46. Chapter 46

**A/N: So, reason why I missed updating Wednesday and Saturday: my computer battery blew. It took them a week to ship a new one. I hope delivering these two chapters is better late than never. Believe me, being computerless for a week is something akin to torture for this product of the digital age. I feel like I have missed out on so much stuff in the past week without it. So, without further blah, blah blahing on my part...**

**EPOV**

There was a change in tone between Bella and her father after breakfast, but I was smart enough not to try to pry and find out what had changed. I did notice Charlie made attempts to make eye contact with me and actually told the two of us to "have fun" when we set off for Bella to show me around town. He seemed a little bit friendlier, but I wasn't sure if that was a tactic to make me feel comfortable before he pounced. I relegated by worries about Charlie to the back of my mind and tried to enjoy my morning out with Bella, learning about her and her hometown.

She took my by her old schools and we spent a minute sitting on the merry-go-round at Forks Elementary where she had gone up to eighth grade. Then we headed across the road to Forks High School where Bella told me about spending lunch periods in the library and rushing out to the parking lot every afternoon to avoid becoming the target of bullies on the way to her car. She showed me the library, where she had volunteered during the afternoons, weekends and summers. The head librarian chatted her up for a bit and gave me the once over. She drove me past the Forks Police Department, and I think we both chatting up with figured it would be on the safe side if we didn't' go inside.

The two of us walked along Main Street, hand-in-hand as she pointed out all the shops and we both were stopped by pretty much everyone we walked past, asking Bella how she was doing and telling her about all what they had been up to. Bella listened patiently and smiled. I, however, felt the curious gaze of everyone in downtown Forks. It was like the entire town was sizing me up, possibly reporting back to Charlie Swan. I figured out pretty quickly Bella was something special to the people of this small town. Suddenly, I was worried that I not only had to impress Charlie but everyone Bella had grown up with.

We finally came to the end of the Forks tour at the diner at the end of Main Street. Charlie was already there chatting with some of the older folks who were there for their Saturday lunch and to catch up on the latest gossip. Charlie still didn't look pleased to see me, but he did give me a nod of acknowledgement before asking Bella how our walk around downtown had been. She made some remarks about how very little had changed and then her eyes barrowed when the waitress arrived and Charlie immediately ordered some sort of cheeseburger with bacon on it.

"Daddy," Bella cautioned him, "didn't your doctor say you should be watching what you eat? He said that your cholesterol…"

"I'm a grown man, Bells," he snorted.

"Yes, and I'd like you to be around a while longer," Bella grimaced.

"How about we chock this one up to a special occasion, Bella?" I suggested, hoping my mediation would look upon me favorably. "I mean, your dad doesn't seem you very often. For old time's sake?"

"Fine," Bella grimaced. She rolled her eyes at me when I ordered a burger similar to Charlie's without the onions as well as a milkshake and then herself ordered the grilled chicken salad. Bella got up to go say hi to an old schoolmate who was working the counter, leaving me alone with the Chief. I was surprised when he actually initiated the conversation.

"So, Bells showed you around," Charlie gruffed.

"Yes, sir," I nodded. "This is a really great place. I can see why Bella loved growing up here. It was nice to see all of the places she loved so much."

"Yeah, it's a great town," Charlie nodded. "I'd like her to move back, but apparently, the local paper isn't Bella's idea of good career move."

"She is pretty ambitious," I smiled. "She'll probably be an editor at that magazine before long."

"She does love to write," Charlie nodded. "Broke some story about the high school keeping expired foods in the vending machine to save money when she was in school here. Caused a big ruckus. The principal still can't look me straight in the eyes."

"Sounds like Bella," I nodded. She flounced back over to our table just as our food came out, obviously glad Charlie and I hadn't torn each other to pieces in her absence. I spoke rarely throughout the meal, letting Charlie catch Bella up on the small town gossip.

Finally, it was time for Charlie and I to go on our little fishing outing. We dropped Bella off at the house and then Charlie and I headed out to the lake. He had an old boat rigged up and was letting me borrow a fishing rod, even though I had the forethought to bring my own lifejacket to show Charlie I was safe and prepared. The drive was very quiet and the two of listened to some country-western station Charlie had the dial set on. I tried to think of something to say, some way to start conversation, but in the end I figured that if Charlie wanted things to be silent then I should keep it that way.

When we arrived, I helped Charlie get the boat loaded and ready and then push it out onto the water. He seemed slightly impressed that I knew what I was doing and I breathed a sigh of relief that I had been able to put what I had read into real-world application without a hitch. After we jumped in and paddled out a bit, Charlie started up the motor and took us to his "spot" on the lake. When the boat came to a stop, the two of us rigged up our lines with worms and cast them out. I tried to not do a fist pump when I managed to cast out the first time without making it obvious I had no clue what I was doing. I almost got my line out as far as Charlie had his and I tried not to smile when Charlie let out a snort of approval at my casting. Again, things were fairly silent for a while before Charlie spoke up.

"Well, this is the point where most fathers would ask what your intentions are, but I'm not most fathers and I know _exactly _what you're intentions are," Charlie informed me. "Your intentions are the exact same thing mine would have been with a pretty girl when I was your age. The difference is this time around I'm the father and I'm not inclined to believe any bullshit you'll tell me just to ease my own conscience. I know a lotta fellas your age think they're hot shit and can pull the wool over the old man's eyes, but let me tell you now kid, that won't work with me. I've interrogated murderers, rapists, thieves, con men and every sort of trash you can drag up out of the streets. I can tell when a man is lying and when he's telling me what he thinks I want to hear. There ain't nothing more important to me in this world than my baby girl, son. So, take a good hard look at this lake because if you upset her or if she ever asked me to, I'll make sure you wind up at the bottom of it."

"Sir," I gulped, "I believe you one hundred percent when you say that." Charlie looked at me for a moment, probably trying to determine whether or not I was telling him the truth.

"Good," Charlie snorted. "I have to say, I'm impressed that you're the first not to think you could outwit me and sneak into my daughter's room after I went to sleep. I had to meet those last two assholes at my bedroom door with my shotgun."

"Well, sir, it's your house so I only thought it was fair we should abide by your wishes," I shrugged.

"Good answer," Charlie snorted. "Now, let's get one thing straight: just because Bella's a grown woman doesn't mean she's ever going to stop being my little girl. You may see a pretty young lady when you look at her, but I'll always see that baby I held for the first time at Forks Community. She tells me you're a nice guy and, even though she's had some shit judgment in the past, I'm inclined to believe her this go-round. I'm never going to get used to the idea of her being a grown up, and don't expect me to do more than tolerate you until you give me any proof you're good enough to stick around and make her happy. I think you're tougher than the other bastards she's brought home…well, maybe not physically… and I don't think you'll scare off as easily. Unfortunately for me, she might be intending on keeping you around for a while, which is why she wants me to lay off you a little. That should make you feel pretty damn lucky. So, I'm not going to shove you out of this boat like I want to and you aren't going to get up in any 'accidents' around here, but I'm watching you, so that should be enough for you stay on the straight and narrow with my daughter. And since I figure there would be people looking for you if I did what I want to do and hide your body in the woods, all I can really say is that I hope one day you have a pretty little girl of your own and get to know what this feels like. Now, I've said my piece, so I only think it's fair you get to say yours."

"I understand, sir," I nodded. "And I have no idea what it must feel like for you… to have a daughter and put all of your love and pride and joy into raising her and then for some young punk to show up and think that he's good enough for her, good enough to be the one who takes over caring for her and being there for her and providing for her. Not that Bella can't take care of herself and honestly insists on it." Charlie snorted in agreement. "And you're right. I have no intention of going anywhere, as long as Bella wants me around. I know you already know how special she is, and I'm going to do whatever it takes to make sure that I don't let you down and more importantly that I don't let Bella down."

"Alright," Charlie nodded. We were both pretty quiet for a while before Charlie spoke again. "So, Bella's moving up in her job. I always knew she had talent. Too bad this little town's too small for someone like her. I'm not much of a big city man, myself, but Bella seems to like it there. I don't get up there as much as I would like."

"I think it would mean a lot to Bella if you came and visited her," I offered. "I mean, she may be a grown woman and all, but I think it still means a lot to her to see you're proud of what she's accomplished, you know? You could come up some weekend… Bella could show you around and you could meet my parents…"

"Your folks?" Charlie said, seeming to really consider it.

"I'm sure they can't wait to meet you," I nodded. "My whole family adores Bella. I'm pretty sure if they had to choose between me and her she'd win hands down. Besides, my mom likes having more people to cook for, so she's always encouraging my sister and I to bring more people around. The food might not be your standard burgers and hot dog fare, but it usually tastes good enough you don't mind how weird it looks."

"She into that fancy gourmet stuff? Yeah, Bella's mom got into that for a while when she was little. Of course, Renee still can't boil water without setting the kitchen on fire, so it was a good thing she went through that phase quickly," Charlie nodded. I started to feel a tug on my pole but ignored it. "Bells found that fancy French cooking book Renee had when she was a teenager. I guess the Higginbotham cooking genes skipped a generation . Marie may be an old bitch to me now that I'm divorced from her precious daughter, but that woman can still whip up a meal like nobody's business."

"Yeah," I agreed. "Bella's great in the kitchen. Makes me wonder how Rose and Emmett ate before they met her. I guess I lucked out in having a mom who has so little confidence in my ability to feed myself that she sends home a load of leftovers with me every weekend."

"So, what's all this fancy internet design stuff you do?" Charlie asked.

"Web page design," I clarified. "Well, a lot of people don't have the time or skill to maintain a professional web site, but it's something that businesses, charities and honestly just about anything with a public face has to do to keep up with the modern world. People don't look in the phone book any more. They go online and if you don't have a presentable web site, they might just move on to the next company over. What I basically do is the design work and have it set up so the people who own the company can update it easily. I do the fancy code work and just teach them how to do simple things like add pictures, upload photos and links."

"Bella said you work for some pretty big names," Charlie mentioned.

"Well, it's freelance work," I shrugged. "I guess it's sort of like being a mechanic. I tune up their web site, teach them to how to make sure it runs properly and then let them take the wheel."

"You know, our PD web site hasn't been updated since 1999," Charlie mentioned. "It'd be nice to show off awards and stuff like that. Bet it would be good advertisement for the barbeque we do every year to benefit the fallen officers fund."

"I could help… if you'd like," I suggested.

"You don't have to do that, son," Charlie shook his head.

"No, seriously, it would be an honor," I insisted. "And believe me, I think working on that would be much more fun than the wedding web site my sister's asked me to do for her."

"I'd have to pay you," Charlie said. "No skirting around that."

"I give a special discount to charities and non-profits who have to watch their budget," I replied. "I'd have no problem extending that to the police department. And I might be able to work out a friends and family discount on top of that…"

"I think you've got yourself a deal," Charlie laughed and then noticed the tug on my line. "I think you've got something," he told me.

I turned to look at my fishing pole before feeling a strong pull, nearly yanking me forward out of the boat and into the water. Charlie pulled me back down and then coaxed me into reeling the fish in, occasionally guiding the line. I had to say, I was grinning pretty big when I took the five-pound rainbow trout off my line and tossed it in Charlie's fish bucket. Charlie laughed as well, seeing how enthusiastic I was about my catch.

"You know, for a guy who's obviously never fished in his life, you're doing a good job," Charlie told me.

"How can you tell?" I asked, surprised.

"I've been fishing in these waters since I could walk, son," Charlie shook his head. "I know an amateur when I see one. But you've got some natural talent. Where'd you learn to cast?"

"Uh… Emmett and I got some books and read. He made me practice with a stick and some string he made…" I admitted.

"Son, you can't learn to fish from a book," Charlie shook his head.

"Well, it was a short time frame, so there wasn't much I could do in the way of practical application," I admitted. "I'm just glad I didn't tangle myself up in the line on the first try. In the beginning, I was sort of hoping to impress you, but now I'm just glad I didn't make an ass of myself."

"Oh," Charlie smirked. "There's still plenty of time for that to happen."


	47. Chapter 47

**BPOV**

I was more nervous than I had ever been before in my entire life while waiting for Edward and my father to get home that afternoon. Sue had come over to help me get the house set up and the backyard ready for everyone coming over that evening for the fish fry. I absentmindedly helped Sue get out and mix up all the ingredients we would need for frying the fish as well as found plenty of plastic cups, utensils and paper plates. As I watched the hands on the clock in the kitchen move forward, I grew increasingly concerned that something had happened. By three in the afternoon, I had convinced myself that when Charlie got back Edward wouldn't be with him.

"Don't worry. They'll be back soon," Sue assured me as she started breaking up ice to put in the drink cooler.

"They should be back already," I grimaced, looking at the clock. "People will start coming soon…"

"No one's coming until four-thirty," Sue laughed. "They've got an hour and a half. It'll be fine."

"Yeah, but they're going to need time to clean up and fillet and…" I began.

"It's fine, Bella," Sue laughed. "Now, make yourself useful and help me get this thing full of ice."

Thankfully, Sue managed to keep me busy getting things ready for everyone to come over during the next hour. I had stocked the cooler after filling it with ice, helped Sue move it out back, set up some chairs and pulled out the grill, made sure it was clean and was heading back to bring the hot dog and hamburger buns out to the table for food Sue was setting up when I heard the car coming up the drive. I had to admit, I was pretty terrified that it would just be Dad coming back. Imagine my surprise when I saw Edward and Dad get out of the car and come up the walk together, _laughing_. They were laughing and carrying on as they brought in the cooler with all of the fish in it. My jaw about dropped when the two of them came through the kitchen door.

"This boy's a pretty decent fisherman, Bells," Dad informed me as they set the cooler down. "Caught for himself. One was about a six pounder. Course, he didn't out do me by far."

"I think I might catch up after a few more lessons," Edward grinned at him.

"Come on," Dad said, picking the cooler back up, "I'll take you out back and show you how to gut these suckers."

"Sure thing," Edward agreed, ready to follow him out. I stepped forward and stopped him.

"What have you done with my dad? Did you get him drunk?" I said, lifting my eyebrow.

"We came to an understanding. Male bonding or what you will," Edward shrugged. "Oh, I'm going to be updating the Forks PD web site for him too. Get them into the Digital Age so they can better advertise their charity stuff, if there's a criminal they're looking for or if someone on the force wins and award or something. Your Dad's gotten a lot of awards, so it'll take some time, but when I'm done they're going to be the department with the coolest web page in the state."

"Edward… are you drunk?" I said.

"No beers on the water, Bella," Edward shook his head. "Washington state law. Well, your dad's going to teach me how to cut up my catch before the fish fry. I get to eat a fish _I_ caught. Can you believe that, Bella?"

"There's a lot of things I can't believe right now," I said shaking my head. Edward gave me a peck on the lips and then followed out after my dad just as Sue entered into the kitchen.

"Well, they seem to be getting along fairly well," Sue grinned at me.

"Yeah…" I said, not sure what to make of the recent turn of events.

"Oh, just be happy, Bella," Sue shook her head. "He seems like a nice boy. Maybe Charlie realized you caught a good one this time and that he shouldn't scare the poor boy away for your sake."

"Okay," I sighed.

Within thirty minutes, the guys from the squad started to show up. Before getting ready to cook, Dad showed me around to everyone and talked about how I was moving up in the magazine world. Most of the guys hadn't changed since I was in school, except for new recruit Eric Yorkie. Dad didn't wave him over and I was glad I didn't have to encounter him again. Edward shook hands with all the guys, and they gave him the once over, looked to Dad to see if he needed Edward roughed up, and then went to hang out with their wives, girlfriends and the other guys on the force. Dad and Edward had gutted the fish and were frying them up along with the ones we had pulled out of the fridge. Edward was like a little kid, showing off to me the fish he had caught. I obliged him by eating one of the fish he had caught as well. Dad actually seemed pretty proud of him and , once all the food was cooked, went around telling everyone how well Edward had done even though it was his first time fishing. I was really wondering what was going on, so I finally just cornered my dad when he asked me to help him bring out more ice for drinks.

"So… what happened between you and Edward?" I asked him curiously.

"Well, you told me to be nice to him," Dad shrugged. I glared at him.

"Yeah, but you've gone from tolerating him to being his best bud," I replied. "I just want to make sure you aren't faking it or setting him up for something or…"

"Calm down, Bells," Charlie rolled his eyes. "Edward and I… well, we came to some sort of understanding out on the water. I realize he's going to be around as long as you want him too, and he understands my point of view as a father. He's a decent young man, too. Actually reminds me a little bit of myself. Well, except I was never a toothpick like that kid. You know, he even invited me to come up to Seattle to meet his folks? I think he's got it pretty bad for you, Bells."

"He's very sweet to me, Daddy," I agreed. "And thank you for giving him a shot. I knew you'd like him if you gave him a chance."

"He's alright," Dad nodded. "And you know I want what's best for you."

"I know," I nodded. "And you know Dad… if you ever wanted to come up and visit me in Seattle… I'd really like that, okay?"

"Okay," Dad grinned.

We returned to the backyard where Edward was playing horse shoes with a couple of the guys from the force and Seth. It made me proud to see that he was fitting in and that he seemed to be having a great time. After helping me deposit the ice into the cooler, Dad walked over, clapped Edward on the back and then grabbed a couple of horse shoes to get in on the game himself. Following a couple more rounds, Edward left the game and sauntered over to me, a big grin on his face. He wrapped his arms around me and placed me a good peck on my lips, not even caring that my dad was watching the two of us. I smiled in spite of myself, glad that Edward was fitting in.

"So, I guess you had fun with my dad today," I said.

"Well, your dad cares a lot about you, so the two of us have that in common at least," Edward grinned. "And apparently I have natural talent for fishing. Pretty good for a guy who just started learning about it a few days ago, right? I owe Emmett a solid after this, I guess."

"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself," I told him.

"I'm glad you're having a good visit," Edward replied. "You know, I'm actually a little sad we're going to have to head home tomorrow. This is a great place. And it doesn't hurt that everyone around here think's you're some sort of golden girl.;"

"Oh, God. The guys on the force have been telling you about me, haven't they?" I blushed.

"Is it true you used to pull other kids over on their bikes and write them tickets like your dad?" Edward grinned. "And did you really beat some guy up with your crutches when he thought he could get fresh with you even though you had a cast on your leg?"

"I can't believe they told you all of that!" I said, mortified.

"I thought it was cute," Edward shrugged. "I bet you were a cute kid. You're cute now."

"How many beers have you had?" I asked.

"Just two," Edward shrugged. "But you are cute. And I'm glad I got to meet your dad. He's a pretty cool guy. I don't know how he did it, you know?"

"Did what?" I asked.

"Have such a tough job and single-handedly raise someone as amazing as you on his own," Edward shook his head. He's really proud of you, you know? He doesn't say it, but he really is."

"I know," I smiled.

"You wanna get back to the party?" Edward asked.

"Sure," I grinned. Naturally, as we were heading over to where Dad and Sue were talking, Eric Yorkie decided it was time to jump in and say hello.

"Long time no see, Bella," he grinned. "It's been a few years, huh?"

"Yeah. The doctor did a great job setting your nose," I informed him. "Can't even tell it was broken any more."

"Uh…yeah," Eric said, his smile faltering.

"You're the guy who got handsy at the roller rink, right?" Edward said, pointing to him.

"Uh… well…" Eric said, scratching the back of his head.

"Charlie said you're a good cop," Edward continued. "Still, I might photo shop some acne and a fat chin on you when I do the web page. Bella, you wanna hit him again for old times' sake? I think that would be hot…"

"Nice to see you again, Eric," I said, trying to cover up my laugh before leading Edward away. When we finally had found somewhere to sit. "What was that all about?"

"I don't like how he treated you," Edward shrugged.

"I bet you would have been a sweet boyfriend even back in middle school," I grinned.

"I would have been too scared to talk to someone as cute as you back in middle school," he replied.

"Yeah? Well, I had braces in middle school and always had a zit on my nose," I replied. "I usually had a big bandage somewhere or a broken bone."

"That's nothing," Edward snorted. "I had thick glasses, braces, zits all over the place and chronic asthma. I looked like a red-headed Steve Urkel. Seriously. I would have taken one look at you and probably hyperventilated." I laughed, gave Edward a peck and then the two of us walked over to join my father who was waving at the two of us.

It was around nine that night when everyone started to go home. Edward and Dad dismissed me and Sue to go rest so they could clean up the mess that had been left behind. Dad walked Sue out when she left about thirty minutes later, leaving Edward back with me on the couch. He wasn't as loopy as before, and grinned, curling a piece of loose hair behind me ear. I was glad seeing him like that, all comfortable and cuddling with me on the couch in my old home. It made me kind of wish we had known each other when we were younger. Then again, I was just glad to have him around at all.

"Well, we should all be hitting the hay," Dad said, coming back into the living room. "You kids got any big plans tomorrow before you leave?"

"I just want to spend time with you before we go," I shrugged.

"What time you planning on heading out?" Dad asked Edward.

"Whenever Bella wants to go," Edward shrugged. "She's the one who has to get up early for work, and I know she wants to spend some time with you as well."

"We'll just play tomorrow by ear," I conceded.

"Alright," Dad said. "I'm going to go to bed. I guess you'll help Edward get his bed ready tonight?"

"Sure thing, Daddy," I nodded.

"G'night Charlie," Edward told him.

"G'night Edward," Dad nodded. I couldn't believe that Dad was actually trusting enough to leave the two of us alone together for a time period.

Naturally, we made out a little on the couch before I decided not to risk my dad's patience any further and went to grab some fresh linens to make up Edward's couch bed with. He helped me put everything together and, once his pillows were fluffed and sheets secured, I found it hard to part with him and head upstairs to get ready on my own.

"Well, I suppose I should get ready for bed," I said to him.

"Yeah. Don't want to push your dad any further," Edward chuckled. He leaned forward and gave me another one of his toe-tingling kisses. "Of course, I can't say I'm not eager to have you all to myself again."

"Thank you for doing this for me," I told him.

"I'm just glad you wanted me here," Edward said. I gave him a deep kiss and then headed up to bed myself, grinning ear to ear. As I got ready for bed, I couldn't help but think that I hoped Leah was right. I hoped this was the last time I took a guy home to meet my dad.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I really had to subdue the urge to start this chapter "Meanwhile, back at the ranch..." in honor of all those Westerns I used to watch with my grandpa growing up.**


	48. Chapter 48

**EPOV**

Maybe it was a little crass but I seriously had to subdue the urge to fist pump as Bella and I pulled out of Charlie's driveway Sunday afternoon. After all, I had come, I had seen and I had conquered the overprotective police chief father. Well, at least for the time being. For now, I suppose, Charlie and I had an understanding but I was seriously hoping to cement the deal with him if he ever made it up to Seattle for a tour. Though I wouldn't be able to guarantee my family wouldn't be a little kooky, I was sure one dinner with them would convince Charlie I came out of some sort of Norman Rockwell print and maybe finally let up on me for wanting to be with his baby girl. I probably owed Emmett more than a couple beers when we got back to the city for all of his help.

"Thanks for doing this," Bella said to me once we were safely outside of the city limits. "I know we haven't been together that long and a lot of guys…."

"No, it was great. I'm really glad you wanted me to come," I shook my head. "It was nice meeting your dad and seeing where you grew up."

"I think you're the first person who has ever described meeting my dad for the first time as 'nice,'" Bella shook her head with a laugh. "Of course, I'm pretty sure everyone else had a legitimate reason of being afraid of him. And he was calling you 'son.' Do you have some sort of voodoo or something you're working?"

"Promise, just did my best to be myself," I assured her.

I dropped Bella back at her place and, after helping get her stuff upstairs, settled and a quit make-out sessions before we were so rudely interrupted by Rose, I headed back to my own place to toss my stuff. I at least managed to open my suitcase when the loud noise of Emmett pounding on my door interrupted me. I thought I would have more time before meeting up with him and Jasper and heading the movies. However, I was quickly learning Emmett was impatient. I opened the door to find Emmett in full superhero regalia while Jasper was just wearing a shirt from the previous film in the franchise, obviously trying not to laugh out loud at the sight of bulky Emmett in spandex.

"The movie isn't until like nine tonight," I pointed out.

"Yeah, but we gotta eat," Emmett snorted. "Those popcorn prices are too steep for me. And there's nothing more manly about a man date than cramming as many types of steak into your pie hole as possible."

"Not that I'm against state, but I think the phrase 'man date' undermines the whole manliness factor," Jasper replied.

"Just…make yourselves comfortable and grab a beer or something while I get a little bit of stuff unpacked," I shrugged.

"Well, you're alive and back from Forks, which is more than I thought possible," Emmett informed me as he casually strolled into my apartment, his cape caught in a slight breeze.

"Great vote of confidence," I snorted as I headed back to my bedroom.

"I'm serious, man," Emmett called after me. "You must have somehow gotten the chief's okay to date Bella, which has never happened before in recorded history."

"Those fishing lessons did pay off," I said. "Caught four myself. He taught me how to fillet them and we ate them at the fish fry. You guys were talking manliness earlier… man, there isn't anything more manly than eating something you just caught and killed."

"I hear you," Jasper agreed. "The best steaks I've ever tasted were the ones I helped bring to the slaughterhouse myself. You know, people try to fancy them up, call them abattoirs and stuff. But it's just a slaughterhouse. No fancy name is going to make up for the fact that they're killing cows with sledgehammers in there."

"You… you killed a cow with a sledgehammer?" Emmett said to Jasper, his jaw dropped open. I rolled my eyes. Jasper had tried this bit with me too.

"If you know what you're doing, it's pretty much painless for the animal. Like a guillotine for humans," Jasper nodded. "Sort of a becoming a man ritual down in Texas, I guess."

"Did it… did it cry?" Emmett whimpered.

"You're asking me if the damned cow cried?" Jasper huffed.

"Did you cry?" Emmett asked, seeming very concerned for Jasper's mental well-being.

"Sheesh. I'm just joshing you," Jasper rolled his eyes. "My grandpa raises Texas dairy cows. Actually, they used to tease me about it growing up. You ain't a man in Texas til you killed a cow with your own two hands they'd say. Of course, it's downright pitiful to kill a dairy cow. Shoot, I've seen my Papaw cry after coming home from selling one of his prize milkers to someone. But it's a way of life, you know. And besides, you were mooing over all those steaks earlier… steaks made from the same cows."

"Maybe I could go vegetarian. For a week. Just to try it," Emmett said thoughtfully. "Vegetarians can still eat pork, right?"

"I seriously don't know why I signed up for a night with you two clowns," I rolled my eyes, coming back into the living room. Through their chatter, I had managed to put away the basic bathroom supplies and thrown my clothes in the hamper for later.

"You're wearing that?" Emmett asked me, scrunching up his nose.

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" I snorted.

"Nothing, if you want to smell like a four hour car trip," Jasper shrugged.

"I mean… no, that's cool," Emmett shrugged.

"You're wearing spandex and a cape," I informed him.

"Exactly. You could dress up a little," Emmett nodded.

"This isn't even a midnight showing or a premiere!" I groaned.

"Okay, okay," Jasper sighed. "Let's just get this show on the road."

"Wooooo! Steak time! Come to Papa!" Emmett fist pumped, leading the charge out of my apartment.

We were afforded a decent booth at the steakhouse Emmett selected, only after Jasper and I were able to explain to the hostess that Emmett was possibly "special" and that was why he was wearing a superhero suit in broad daylight. He was given extra care by the staff after that and our waiter even took to calling him "buddy," thinking Emmett was a couple of fries short of a Value Meal. Emmett, as per usual, lapped up the attention.

"So… what have you guys been up to?" I asked.

"Trying to being an active participant in your sister's wedding plans while remaining as passive as possible," Jasper said. "She keeps going on about it being 'our' wedding and the fact that 'we' are getting married, so she wants me to 'contribute' to the planning process, but she pooh-poohs any suggestion I make…"

"Heh, you said poop," Emmett interjected. Jasper ignored him.

"…and gives me these overly dramatic eye rolls," Jasper continued. "I mean, my original plan was to let her do whatever, show up, and get married, but apparently I'm supposed to be involved even though it seems to get on her nerves that every time I make a suggestion its the wrong one."

"Maybe you're her reverse barometer," I shrugged.

"Her what?" Emmett said.

"Reverse barometer," I replied. "Whatever Jasper says, Alice decides to do the opposite. Maybe she's inferring that whatever he suggests is wrong so she goes in the opposite direction."

"Then why even ask?" Emmett grimaced.

"My point exactly," Jasper grumbled.

"Knowing Alice, she doesn't want to feel like the center of attention," I shrugged. "Don't get me wrong. She _loves_ being the center of attention, but she doesn't like people thinking she wants it. She doesn't want people to think she's an attention whore… even if she kind of is…"

"She's also been reading all of those _Cosmo _quizzes and self-help books about relationships," Jasper shuddered. "The other night she told me that she took a cuddling quiz for us and we failed. What is that shit?"

"I'm a super cuddler. Rose said so." Emmett said. "You want pointers?"

"What? No!" Jasper exclaimed.

"The trick is to apply the right amount of pressure… be firm, not possessive," Emmett continued. "Be light, but still make her feel warm and held tight… kind of life this…" Emmett lurched forward to wrap Jasper in a hug. In his attempt to evade Emmett, Jasper fell out the side of the booth and onto the floor. I tried to subdue my laughter and silently thanked my lucky stars I was sitting on the opposite side from them.

"Dude! Foul!" Jasper said, standing up and dusting himself up. "You don't just give a fella cuddling demonstrations in public!"

"Fine," Emmett snorted. "If you don't want to learn from the master, that's your fault."

"Just because you're the size of a bear doesn't mean you should just go around giving people a bear hug!" Jasper snorted, sliding back into his seat.

"Well, excuse me for being in touch with my emotional side," Emmett snorted.

"So…uh… Emmett…what's new with you?" I asked, hoping to diffuse the awkwardness.

"Not much," Emmett shrugged. "I ate, worked out, fucked Rosie on the couch in the living room since Bella wasn't home…"

"That is my cousin!" Jasper exclaimed at the same time I said: "Dude, uncool. That is a communal living space."

"What? We did it on Rose's side of the couch," Emmett shrugged.

"There are no sides to a couch when sex is involved," I pointed out.

"At least if you're doing it right," Jasper guffawed.

"I want that couch steam cleaned before I sit on it again," I told Emmett.

"We put a blanket down first!" Emmett insisted.

"One of the throw blankets?" I asked.

"One from Rose's room," Emmett rolled his eyes.

"Okay. Just remind me to never borrow a blanket from Rose. Ever," I said. Jasper nodded his head in agreement.

"So, as much as talking about you banging my cousin makes me want to barf," Jasper said. "Do anything else interesting?"

"Nah," Emmett sighed. "You think Rose will ever warm up to marriage again? What if I propose having a civil union with her? Do you think she would go for that?"

"I don't know, man," Jasper shrugged. "Rose is pretty set in her ways, and Royce certainly did a number on her in what little time he spent with her. I mean, I know a lot of people might suggest an ultimatum, but if you tell Rose 'marry me or I'm leaving' she'll react in the exact opposite way from what you want just to prove a point."

"I've always been the type of guy who wants to get married and I want to marry Rosie and no one else but…" Emmett sighed. "I don't know. I feel like her past is holding me hostage."

"I'd say it's holding you both hostage," Jasper shrugged.

"How did you do it?" Emmett asked curiously.

"My sister has been trying to get married since she was born," I snorted. "Jasper's the first guy who asked her…"

"Hey!" Jasper interjected.

"…mainly because he's the first guy who can withstand all of her crap," I continued. "Seriously, though, I admire you for taking on the pipsqueak. A lesser man might be intimidated."

"I've learned how to ring her in," Jasper said. "Alice knows there are to be no doilies on my dining room table, no pink fuzzy toilet seat covers and an all-pink color scheme for the living room is definitely out."

"I just hope she remembers all that _after_ you guys get married," I snorted.

"We are pathetic," Emmett pronounced. "We get together for an awesome guy night and all we can do is bitch about our women."

"Well, what do you think they talk about during their girl's days out?" I shrugged.

"Uh… that time of the month… and dresses?" Emmett suggested.

"Seriously?" I snorted.

"I think you've had too much steak," Jasper agreed.

"We are lame," Emmett conceded.


	49. Chapter 49

**BPOV**

It was hard to say goodbye to Edward Sunday night and even harder for me to return to work on Monday morning. On what seemed to be Irina's "recommendation," Victoria had chosen to take a two-week vacation and I would be handing in my assignment for Emily to review and edit. I had to say, I was pretty happy with the set up though I was nervous about my first day of work at my new desk. I knew very little about Kristie and Kim, the other two features writers I would working with. I had no idea if they would be friendly toward me or completely shun me for getting Victoria in trouble.

I moved cautiously to my desk, which I had set up Friday afternoon while the two of them were off on assignment. I had met them before, but we weren't more than acquaintances, smiling and waving when we passed each other in the halls and making awkward conversation when stuck in the elevators together. As I began turning on my computer and laying out my desk I mentally reviewed what I knew about my two fellow writers. I knew Kim was a fellow Washington state resident and her mother was from one of the native tribes that had led her to bond pretty quickly with Leah over their shared heritage. Kristie was a little more of a mystery. She was from white-bread Kansas, the typical blue-eyed, blonde-haired cheerleader type, and after getting out of her hick town had gone to college. Somewhere between earning her degree and now she had managed to catch Irina eye and land a job at _Femme_.

I had checked my email, answered a few messages and worked to organize some of the parts of my new desk I hadn't been able to get to Friday when Kim came over to my desk. She was a lot taller than I was, even without the addition of her four-inch heels, but also very spunky with a sweet, heart-shaped face. Her smile was wide and her hair pulled back into a messy but classically styled ponytail. I sucked in a deep breath, hoping that her smile was genuine.

"Hi, Bella," Kim grinned at me. "I'm glad to have you aboard."

"Thanks," I said, breathing out a sigh of relief. "I'm glad to be here. This is what I've always wanted to do."

"I heard Victoria gave you an interesting assignment," Kim sighed. "I'm sorry about that… She gets threatened easily, I guess. Luckily, she and I were both writers under a different editor when I came in, but she did try to coax me into going undercover as a hooker once for some piece she thought up. Irina nixed that one pretty quickly."

"I can imagine," I nodded.

"Kristie should be in soon," Kim informed me. "She has an interview this morning with a story she's doing with the health section about the psychological after-effects of plastic surgery on women."

"What are you working on?" I asked curiously.

"I have a couple of stories," Kim replied. "One is about a local roller derby league and the other is interviewing this indie film actress about some animal preserve in Africa she's starting. I think she's a bit stuck up and full of herself, but she is our cover model this issue."

"Maybe you can do a follow up if she gets attacked by a lion or something," I laughed.

"I'm hoping she'll get an education," Kim shrugged, sliding into her own desk. "The woman actually told me her greatest inspiration for the venture was the movie _Madagascar. _Then she told me she was really concerned about getting eaten by a giraffe. I'm thinking about pitching a story to Irina for next issue about how the educational system is failing our celebrities."

"I think you'd get a good laugh," I offered.

The both of us returned back to work, though I felt more confident about my work knowing that I seemed to have an ally in Kim. I just hoped that Kristie proved to be just as nice when she came in as well. It was about ten in the morning when I got my now customary "have a good day at work" text from Edward. This one included a picture from the night before with Emmett wearing his superhero suit and posing with a couple of kids working the concessions counter who thought his costume was cool. Emmett was naturally hamming it up for the camera and the two nerdy looking teenage guys seemed to think he was pretty cool.

Emily came by to check on me and not soon after she had left, Kristie breezed in with a huge tote bag, the biggest sized coffee Starbucks had to offer and a very full blush on her face, obviously tired from running around. She slid into the desk behind mine with a very relieved sigh and then kicked off the nude-colored heels she had been wearing. Kim gave her a glance and then rolled her eyes, as if this were a rather common occurrence. Kristie proceeded to rifle through her bag, produce a notebook and then slap it down on her desk with a huff. I tried not to focus on her because I didn't want to be accused of being creepy or staring, but at the same time, it was hard to ignore the amount of noise she was making. While going back over my notes and the phone calls I still had to make, I heard Kristie get up from her desk and come over to me.

"Hey! Bella!" Kristie said in a voice that could only belong to a cheerleader from the Midwest. "It's so great to see you and be working with you! You settle in okay?"

"Yes, and thank you," I nodded, a little bit blinded by Kristie's megawatt grin. She had to do some weird tooth-whitening thing. Her smile was unnatural.

"Cool beans!" Kristie giggled. "Well, I gotta get to work, but it's great to have you with us! Maybe the three of us could do lunch?" Kim looked like the last things she wanted was lunch with Kristie, but she smiled and nodded her head. Suddenly, I wasn't so sure if I wanted to participate in lunch with Kristie either, but it seemed to be a part of the whole new office ritual I had to partake in.

"Uh… okay," I nodded.

"Great!" Kristie clapped before heading back to her desk to get to work. Putting her out of my mind, I turned around and got back to my own work.

Lunch rolled around too soon, and it was really the first time since high school I was worried about who I would be sitting with during lunch. I did want my new coworkers to think badly of me, but at the same time, I was a little nervous about getting to know them. Kim seemed alright but I still was on the fence about Kristie. I especially didn't know the nature of her relationship with Victoria, and I had more than a feeling if anyone was looking for someone to blame for Victoria's "sabbatical" it would be me. When the clock struck noon, I found myself following Kim and Kristie into the elevator and down to the bistro on the first floor for the go-to lunch of the working woman: salads and Diet Coke.

"So, Bella, excited about your first story coming out in the magazine at the end of the month?" Kristie asked me excitedly.

"I'm looking forward to it," I nodded.

"Gosh, when I first started working here, I must have sent copies of my first article to everyone back home," Kristie giggled.

"So… what did you ladies do this weekend?" Kristie asked before digging in to her cobb salad. I stuffed some of my BLT salad into my mouth because I definitely didn't want to go first. Kim shot me a look, obviously understanding what I was trying to do.

"Oh, big weekend for yours truly," Kim nodded. "I went home, made a tuna loaf and watched Friends reruns Friday night. Then Saturday, I slept in, gave the cat a bath and then ate some more tuna loaf for dinner. And then Sunday I painted my nails and watched a made-for-TV movie on Lifetime with some homemade popcorn."

"Another big weekend, Kim," Kristie rolled her eyes. "Are you sure you don't want me to set you up with that guy in my spin class? He's got a cute butt…I should know. I spent most of the class watching it jiggle. And he's all hot and Latin!"

"I met that guy, Kris," Kim shook her head. "I think he's more interested in sucking on chili peppers than munching tacos if you know what I mean…"

"What do you mean?" Kristie asked, confused.

"She's sheltered," Kim informed me.

"What did you do this weekend?" I asked Kristie. Her face lit up and I hoped she wasn't one of those girls who just wanted to talk about herself constantly.

"Well, I went out to the club with my roommate Friday night and she wouldn't believe me when I told her this guy was totally trying to drug her drink. I mean, I did that article on date rape last year and the way the guy was acting as well as how her water tasted salty just didn't add up to me," Kristie sighed. "She got all huffy because she thought he was hot. At least the bartender backed me up and told her the guy seemed like bad news. Anyway, I got my hair and nails done on Friday and then I called my Gramma because it was her birthday. She's all freaked out because I'm 28 and not married and she wanted to tell me that my babymaker is going to shrivel up and die if I don't get married by the time I'm thirty."

"Your grandmother told you that?" Kim huffed.

"Yeah, I know, right?" Kristie rolled her eyes. "I mean, I love the woman, but when she was sixteen she was trying to tell me I would get AIDs from kissing a boy and now she just wants me to get knocked up. So frustrating. And what's even worse is she keeps sending me photos and contact information for these guys from back home. I worked my ass off to get out of Kansas so why would I want to go back there and get knocked up, you know?"

"It's a mom thing," Kim shrugged. "Moms are always wanting to know when you're going to give them grandbabies…"

"And Dads always think that you're five years old," I snorted.

"And how was your weekend, Bella?" Kim smirked at me.

"I took my boyfriend home to meet my Dad," I blushed.

"I guess it's getting serious, then?" Kristie giggled. "How did it go?"

"Well, my dad is a small town police chief… and his first dealing with Edward may have been when Edward picked up my phone at six in the morning after spending the night at my place…" I grimaced.

"Oh God," Kim laughed.

"I'm still mortified," I admitted.

"That's nothing," Kristie snorted. "My parents came up for a surprise visit when I was in college and found me in my dorm room with my boyfriend. Naked. My dad's a minister. I still have a hard time looking him in the eye, and I'm terrified about bringing guys home now."

"How'd the visit go?" Kim asked.

"I think well. They at least seem to be getting along," I said. "Which is good."

"This one sticking around?" Kristie nodded.

"I hope so," I nodded.

"Anyone we know?" Kim asked.

"Uh… Edward Cullen? He's the consultant helping out with the web site redesign…" I began.

"Oh my God, you lucky duck!" Kim teased me.

"He's super cute," Kristie nodded. "Vickie tried to chat him up in the elevator a few times, but he ignored her completely."

"You know she hates it when people call her Vickie," Kim rolled her eyes.

"She was…uh… hitting on him?" I said. Kristie and Kim shared glances before turning back to me.

"Just when he started coming around," Kim explained. "After he was polite but told her he wasn't interested she gave up. Victoria doesn't think men should be a challenge. She expects them to just fall into her lap."

"That's why she has such a tough time with James," Kristie nodded.

"James?" I asked.

"Vickie's on-again, off-again whatever," Kristie said. "Or at least that's what she calls him."

"They date, get into a fight and break up in three month cycles just about," Kim nodded. "They're back together now. They got engaged three months ago and she started flirting with your boy when things were getting rough. Then they broke up and just before her… sabbatical… they had gotten back together. They've been together for like five years and for whatever reason won't do whatever they need to do to step up and make it work. She needs to make up her mind: go back to him permanently or end things permanently."

"It's always drama," Kristie sighed. "They rile each other up like no one else and unfortunately she sometimes takes her anger on him out on other people. They get into shouting matches over the phone at work. And I'm pretty sure I walked in to her office once when they were having phone sex too. It's weird. She'll do nothing but bitch about him for a week and then on Friday he'll show up with a huge thing of roses, take her out to a fancy lunch and suddenly she's back at work, talking about how she needs to go buy some sexy lingerie for him. They are so weird."

"Kinky, Kris," Kim rolled her eyes. "In this day in age, the word you are looking for is kinky."

"There is no kink in Kansas," Kristie snorted.

"I bet there are tons of people who get their freak on in Kansas," Kim said. "Kinky in Kansas… now there's a story you should pitch to Irina."

"Yeah. That's what my parents need," Kristie snorted. "Me in full dominatrix gear in a wheat field accompanied with a story about my foray into the world of whips and chains."

"You could go undercover… literally," I teased her.

"Oh, Bella," Kim laughed. "You're going to fit in very well here."


	50. Chapter 50

**EPOV**

Work, weird scheduling and my sink deciding that two a.m. on a Wednesday morning was the perfect time for a pipe to burst kept Bella and I apart for the better part of the week. We were both so exhausted from getting things back on track Monday that we ended up falling asleep on the phone together at nine that night. Tuesday I had a dinner meeting with a pair of prospective clients. It was a father-son duo who ran a restaurant. The dad thought things were fine as they were but the son felt their decrease in business due to the economy could be remedied by better online marketing, something they hadn't ever really ventured into. Then the pipe burst kept me home most of the day Wednesday cleaning up water and waiting for the plumber to arrive "sometime between ten a.m. and 3 p.m." He showed up at three-thirty.

However, I was determined that I was going to see my girlfriend come hell or high water that week. After all, I didn't go through all the stress of meeting her father and put aside all my nerves about being a sucky boyfriend to go weeks on end without seeing her. And I wasn't going to let the first time I saw her that week be a trip over to my parents' house. I finally managed to get ahold of Bella late Wednesday after dispatching the plumber back home and finally mopping up my apartment.

She was a little tired by obviously glad to hear my voice. I was glad to hear from her how well things were going at work and that she was getting along with her new co-workers. Still, Bella was still nervous about Victoria returning to work and I was pretty nervous as well. That woman gave me the creeps. I had to share an elevator with her a few times. The woman did not know the meaning of the phrase "personal space." For now, though Bella was happy with her job and that was what was important.

"So, I need to see you," I told her. "Talking on the phone is great, but I haven't actually seen you since Sunday night. And we haven't been alone since Friday. Car rides don't count."

"I know what you mean," Bella sighed. "I was about ready to show up and fix your sink yesterday except I would have had no idea what I was doing and made it worse."

"You can fix my plumbing anytime you want," I teased her.

"I thought you were the expert on laying pipe," Bella replied. I groaned.

"So, what do you wanna do tomorrow?" I asked.

"Something fun," Bella told me. "Just something to take my mind off work and my laundry and the fact that Rose is being a little bit bitchier than normal."

"Things okay?" I asked.

"Yeah," Bella nodded. "I've only had to deal with the crying jags but she flipped her shit yesterday because Emmett left his dirty dishes in our sink instead of moving them into the dishwasher. It's completely unlike her. I think she might be PMSing."

"We can end the discussion there," I frowned.

"Sorry," Bella said. "So, plans for tomorrow?"

"I think I've got something fun in mind," I told Bella. "Just bring a change of something comfortable to work."

"Like jeans?" Bella said.

"Yeah. And maybe that shiny red top I saw in your closet," I told her.

"Ugh. That is leftover from when Rose dragged me to the Rocky Horror Picture Show in college," Bella grimaced. "I should have thrown it out. I should get rid of the boots too."

"Fishnets to go with that?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm not leaving work looking like a hooker," Bella said with a snort.

"I wouldn't ask you to," I replied. "But maybe you could surprise me at my apartment later on with that outfit under a coat or something."

"Perv," Bella teased. "But seriously, where are we going?"

"It's a surprise," I said.

"Maybe I don't want to be surprised," Bella said in her best sultry voice. I groaned again. If only she knew what her voice was doing to my nether regions.

"Trust me. It'll be fun this way," I told her.

"Fine," Bella sighed. "But you better deliver, Mr. Cullen."

At five p.m. on the dot my car was parked in the pickup zone outside Bella's office, waiting for her to come out so we could go on our date. It took fifteen minutes for her to appear out of the office building and I kept checking my rearview mirror for cops, not wanting to get a ticket for staying in the pickup zone more the ten-minute limit. However, the wait would have been worth the ticket when I saw Bella emerge from the building, carrying a big tote bag and wearing the most form fitting jeans and t-shirt I had ever seen. Her hair was up in a ponytail and she looked ready for an evening of relaxation and fun.

I got up to help her into the car, but Bella rushed forward, tossed her bag in the backseat and then slipped into the passenger seat before I could do anything. I entered back into the driver's seat only for Bella grab hold of me and kiss me until I was pressed up against the car door with the windows fogging up. Of course, I wasn't going to complain about Bella making out with me in my car, even if I did get a ticket for blocking up the pickup lane. With Bella's tongue in my mouth, hands through my hair and almost sitting in my lap, I honestly wouldn't have cared if a tow truck had come along and hitched the front of my car up to pull away. Just as the monster in my pants had roared to life, Bella pulled away with a giggle and a grin.

"So…I uh… missed you to?" I said, struggling to catch my breath.

"Maybe a bit," Bella grinned before putting on her seatbelt. "So, what do you have planned for our super fun evening?"

"You hang out in the International District much?" I asked her.

"Chinatown in Seattle?" Bella asked curiously.

"Well, there's a good deal of Japanese, Korean, Thai, and Vietnamese places there too, but yeah. It was originally Chinatown," I nodded.

"A fun times," Bella shrugged. "Rose and I have hit up a couple of the restaurants."

"Cool," I nodded. "There's some fun stuff there, so I thought we could hang out there. It's a quick drive."

The first place on my agenda was the Seattle Pinball Museum. It was definitely one of my favorite places to go and blow about ten quarters or so. Being a video game aficionado, I could appreciate the flashing lights and sound effects of the games that helped lead to the more high-tech ones I play now. I was hoping Bella would find it was fun too. The place would be open until pretty late that night too, so I hoped we could have some fun there before going out to eat and then, hopefully, making our way back to either of our apartments for some horizontal fun. I had to find a parking space a couple of blocks or way, but Bella said she was up for the walk. It was already starting to cool down and the light breeze combined with Bella's hand in mine made for a nice walk.

"The Pinball Museum?" Bella said in surprise as we reached our destination.

"You said you needed something fun, and, I mean it's a pretty fun place…" I began.

"You have no idea do you?" Bella laughed.

"Uh…what?" I asked nervously.

"When I was little and my dad would take me to the movies in Port Angeles," Bella said, "we would always go into the video arcade there to waste time before our movie started. I'm pretty decent at pinball. Of course, my dad's the expert."

"Should have brought this up to him last weekend, huh?" I laughed.

"How did you find this place?" Bella asked.

"I do their web site. I consulted on the redesign for the International District's tourism web site last year and now I helping with design for several of the businesses in the area," Edward said. "And I've been known to come in and play for a few hours at a time."

"This is so neat!" Bella laughed before dragging me inside.

I had to admit, I was glad that Bella hadn't made a face or called me out for being a complete and total geek for taking her to a place full of pinball museum. Instead, Bella was giggling like a little girl at all of the restored and classic machines with their various themes. She instantly wanted to play with the Sing-A-Long machine, which I found a little annoying but dished out quarters for anyway. Far be it from me to ruin Bella's fun, especially when I had stumbled across an activity we both enjoyed and could do together. I had a feeling we might be making our way back to the museum sometime in the future.

In a matter of hours, we had hit up most of the good machines the place had to offer. We made fun of the Rolling Stones and Harlem Globetrotters themed machines. Bella said she liked the Atilla the Hun and Fireball machines the best while my favorite was still the Flash Gordon one with all the blinking lights. We also agreed the Circus-themed one with all of the clowns was creepy as hell. I had to admit, Bella was almost as good as I was. Of course she choked up not being able to beat my scores to the fact that she was out of practice, not having played since high school. We chatted up the guy behind the counter, who I had made sort of friends with during my visits to the place as well as my web design work, before heading out for a late supper.

"That was so much fun!" Bella laughed. "Where are we headed to next?"

"Jade Garden. It's a few blocks away and I think it has the best dim sum in the city," I told her.

"Never been there," Bella admitted.

"It's great," I replied. "Besides, we can't go to the International District without getting some good international food."

"Great," Bella grinned.

I knew the folks at Jade Dragon pretty well, not just from doing their web site but from the fact that they had killer food and stayed open until two in the morning, prime hours of a web geek such as myself. The place was bustling with people coming in, placing orders and leaving while the kitchen and wait staff shouted at each other in various dialects and accents across the room. I'd called ahead for a reservation and after being recognized by one of the waiters, he directed us to our seats. I thanked him as he offered to send over some menus in a bit. I turned back to find Bella slackjawed.

"What was that you said?" Bella gaped.

"Uh… Chinese," I blushed.

"You speak Chinese?" Bella said.

"No…just a few phrases here and there," I said. "I hung out here a lot in college… and I took a six-week conversation course in college when I thought I might have scored an internship with a Chinese company. But I'm not fluent. Just enough to say please, thank you, order food and ask where the bathroom is."

"Any other languages you speak?" Bella asked with a smirk.

"Uh… English… and Klingon… wait, forget I told you that," I said flustered. "If code and Java were accepted languages those…. And Japanese. I'm actually pretty fluent in that."

"Another business prospect?" Bella asked.

"Not really. I mean, a lot of computer people learn it because the Japanese are so advanced when it comes to computer science," I shrugged, "but I actually learned it so I could understand not-yet-translated anime. That way, you can order them in Japanese and don't have to wait for the English version to come out. So… now that I've divulged that I'm a complete and total geek, do you want to order?"

"Hey," Bella grinned, "that's better than Emmett's 'I learned French to hit on chicks' story. Rose eats it up, though."

"No languages for Bella?" I asked.

"I barely passed Spanish in high school," Bella shook her head. "So, Klingon… does that come in handy often?"

"I can't believe I let that slip," I said, burying my head in my hands.

"We'll keep it our secret, okay?" Bella laughed, taking my hand in hers.

The waiter stopped by and Bella asked me to order for her since I was the regular and knew what was best. I ordered some Mongolian beef as well as a wide variety of the dim sum they had to offer so Bella could try a little bit of everything and find out what it was she liked. Bella ended up liking most of the varieties they had there, though I found myself eating a few that she just didn't want to finish. We both chatted away about our weeks at work and the different foods we had before us.

It was almost ten thirty when we realized how late we had stayed, ordering dessert and just chatting. I kept my arm around Bella protectively as we walked back the few blocks to where my car was parked. The International District was a tourist stop and usually pretty crowded, but I still didn't want to take any chances with Bella around. She was a little sleepy and leaned into me as we walked, telling me about how she had fun.

"You know, I've never been to that restaurant and never to the pinball museum," Bella spoke up. "As per our 'things I've never done in Seattle deal,' I think it's your turn now."

"I'll keep that in mind," I grinned as I held the car door open for her.

"Let's go back to your place," Bella hummed sleepily after I slid into the driver's seat. She didn't have to tell me twice.


	51. Chapter 51

**BPOV**

So, maybe I had packed an extra change of clothes and some toiletries in my duffel bag when Edward mentioned he was going to take me somewhere casual and fun after work Thursday. I mean, a girl should always be prepared for the unexpected, and since Edward had already slept over at my place once it only seemed fair that I returned the favor. I told Rose not to expect me back that night and she did a weird eye brow wiggling thing I was certain she had picked up from Emmett. The two of them had really rubbed off on each other in more ways than one.

Edward, as per usual, had taken my suggestion for a fun evening and run with it. I almost wondered how much time Edward spent thinking of creative ways to be taking me or if he had some stowed away file of great dates to take girls on he had been thinking up in case he came across someone like me. Even if these were off-the-cuff ideas, they always seemed to be the perfect fit for the both of us. I supposed it wasn't a measure of planning but rather that Edward and I were just well suited.

It was late when we headed back to Edward's place after hours of playing pinball and even more time spent introducing me to the world of dim sum. It was a far cry from the meat and potatoes staples I had grown up with under Charlie but it was a lot of fun being adventurous, especially when Edward was the one at the helm. I had never seen Edward's place before, so he was a little nervous about what I would think. He admitted he hadn't done much cleaning before I came over, but I found the place pretty neat for a bachelor pad. There was only one beer can left out on the coffee table and only a few pieces of dirty clothes thrown places.

"I have to say, I'm impressed," I told him. "When you said it was a mess, I thought you meant sweating gym socks thrown random places."

"Rose said something about Emmett's apartment being a bring your own Febreeze zone," Edward nodded. I laughed.

"I like your action figures," I said, pointing to the display hanging on the wall in the living room.

"Thanks for not calling them 'my dolls' like my mom does," Edward blushed. "So…uh…t he tour?"

The tour was brief with stops in the kitchenette, Edward's office and finally the bedroom. It was obviously from his kitchen that Edward didn't cook much and obvious from his home office that he spent most of his time there. Edward blushed at all of the fast food wrappers by his desk and moved quickly to dispose of them. His office was pretty entertaining with plenty of doo-dads, odds and ends that would keep the easily entertained person active for quite some time. Of course, the bedroom was the room we were both looking the most forward to. It wasn't overdone but a simply done up room with your basics: bed, table, closet, chest of drawers and two bookshelves. While my bedtime reading consisted of a lot of classical English literature, Austen, the Brontes and a few modern romances Edward's was more sci-fi, some graphic novels and things like _The Lord of the Rings _trilogy and other high-fantasy books thrown in. He stood there nervously as I surveyed his room, as if he expected me to break up with him after finding out he read Isaac Asimov.

"So, do you consider _A Brief History of Time_ as light bedtime reading?" I teased him.

"When I'm not gobbling up something by Neil Gaiman," Edward shrugged.

"I have to say, I'm impressed," I told him. "You're the first guy I've met who actually had books on the bookshelves in his bedroom. I've seen bongs, collections of beer bottles and condom boxes, but never actually books. Guess you're the first adult guy whose room I've been into, huh?"

"I have a Batman cardboard cut-out in my living room and you just called me 'an adult guy,'" Edward pointed out.

"Hey, that's better than you being in your twenties and collecting 'My Little Ponies,'" I snorted.

"Bronies are creepy," Edward conceded. You would have thought the mention of Bronies would be a mood killer. Not so much.

Sometime within the next fifteen minutes I found myself only wearing my bra and socks, sitting on top of Edward's bookshelf with my legs wrapped around his hips as tightly as I could while he pounded into me relentlessly. About fifteen minutes under that, we were both completely naked and I was laying spread eagle on his bed as he drilled into me yet again. Three orgasms for me later it was after midnight, and I knew I probably should turn in for the night since I had work the next day. Then again, I didn't mind staying up a little later than normal if it was all due to Edward and his mind-blowing stamina in bed keeping me up.

When the alarm went off that morning, I found Edward had cuddled me close to him in the night. The sheets were wrapped around our waists and Edward had locked one of his legs around mine in the night. As I adjusted to the morning light, I saw Edward was laying on his back next to me with his arm draped across my torso, his hand having somehow having gravitated toward my left boob where it was now resting. The arm that wasn't getting to second base with me was underneath his pillow and he slept with his face turned toward mine, hair sticking up in all directions a small line of drool pooling next to his chin on his pillow.

I stretched out like a cat, trying to remember the last time I had spent the night in a boy's room, let alone the last time I hadn't felt completely mortified after doing so. My stretch made Edward's hand slide off of my breast and a little bit lower but unfortunately over the sheets, preventing him from touching any of the good parts. My stirring made Edward stir and seconds later I found him rubbing the drool off of his face with the same hand that had been one very thin sheet away from my hoo-ha. After rubbing his eyes, Edward propped himself up on his side and looked over at me, blinking a little as if he wasn't sure if I was actually there.

"Morning," I grinned.

"Morning," Edward said in his gravely morning voice. He stretched a little but before I could move to get it, he gathered me up in his arms like I was a teddy bear and cuddled me closer to his chest. "So, I vote we wake up like this every morning."

"Mhmmm… that would be nice," I acquiesced, liking the feeling of my head against his chest and his arms wrapped around my body. "Unfortunately, I have to get ready for work today."

"Work sucks. Call in sick," Edward muttered, nuzzling his nose against my hair. "We can just stay here all day and cuddle."

"I don't think that would be the best move during my first week in a new position," I pointed out.

"I can show you a new position," Edward mumbled suggestively, grinding himself up against me slightly. I sighed, wishing I could do just as Edward had recommended. I looked over at Edward's clock again and knew I had to get up and get moving if I wanted to get to work without looking like I just came from having morning sex with my boyfriend.

"As fun as that would be, I gotta get a shower," I told him. "But rain check on the whole staying in bed and cuddling thing."

"I'm going to hold you to that," Edward informed me as I wrangled out of his grasp and sat up in bed. I caught him eyeing my naked form up and down as I stood completely unclothed next to the bed. He was out of bed in a flash. "You know, my shower's kind of complicated. Let me show you how it works."

I should have known Edward was setting me up for a morning shower quickie. I didn't even care that I was now running late for work as he had me pressed up against the wall, hot water cascading down his perfectly sculpted body. While I rushed around to blow dry my hair, put on my make up and get dressed, Edward was sweet enough to make me a to-go mug of coffee and a breakfast bar. He insisted on driving me to work, allowing me to eat in the car on the way. When we drove up to the office building, Edward gave me a smoldering goodbye kiss and sent me up to work with a wide smile on my face.

I was certain I spent the entire day grinning like an idiot. Kristie and Kim both gave me knowing looks and Emily asked me about my date as well. Before lunch, I ran into Leah and she made a comment about me looking "freshly fucked." I blushed at that one, even it was pretty much true. I couldn't wait to get home to Rose that evening and tell her all about my multiple orgasm night. _Revenge of the Nerds_ proved to be right. Apparently, nerdy guys like Edward did spend most of their time thinking about sex and therefore were pretty good at it. I almost wondered if Edward had taken a course in coitus along with his conversational Chinese.

However, instead of finding a the usual, fired-up Rose who had just got back from her day kicking ass and taking names at work, I found her cuddled up on the couch with a blanket, tub of ice cream and crying as she watched some made-for-TV movie on _Lifetime_. This was not the Rose I was used to. If she was PMSing, it had to be big time. Normally, she just acted like a general bitch and then cried for acting like a bitch. Something was seriously off kilter.

"Hey…Rose… you okay?" I asked her worriedly. She looked up at me with her eyes red and blotchy. I hadn't seen her nose that red or that many tear-stained tissues strewn across the couch since the day after her marriage with Royce ended with him dick deep in the hotel maid.

"No," Rose said, blowing her nose. I quickly disposed of my stuff and went over to join her on the couch.

Instead of her usual poised business attire, Rose was wearing her pajamas and a tank top, her frilly pink bathrobe tied around her tightly. She looked like shit, which was completely unusual for the always perfectly made up Rose. I slipped under the throw blankets with her and put my arm around her.

"Did you go to work today?" I asked her.

"Called in sick," Rose said.

"Are you sick? Do you need to go to the doctor or get a prescription picked up or something?" I asked her. Rose began wailing again and I held her close, trying to shush her and calming her down. "Please Rose, tell me what's wrong."

"Imfrufflmyte," Rose muttered through her sobs.

"I didn't quite get that honey," I said.

"I said I'm pregnant!" Rose hissed.

"Pregnant? But Rose… you… you don't like kids very much," I gaped. "…and you take your pill religiously…"

"Yeah, well, remember when my mom recommended I start taking St. John's Wort to help with my migraines and trouble getting to sleep?" Rose snorted.

"Not exactly," I admitted.

"Well, turns out that stuff can make taking the pill null and void," Rose grimaced. "I'm knocked up with Emmett McCarty's little swimmers."

"This is heavy, Rose," I said.

"No shit," Rose sobbed.

"Have you told Emmett?" I asked her.

"No," Rose wailed. "How am I going to face him with this?"

"Take him to the McDonald's PlayPlace?" I shrugged.

"He's going to be so pissed!" Rose moaned.

"He might piss himself, but I don't think he's going to be pissed, per say," I snorted.

"But what if he leaves? What if I'm fat and pregnant and alone?" Rose sobbed.

"I'm going to chock that up to hormones," I snorted. "Seriously, Rose. This is Emmett. EMM ETT, okay? You've met the guy right? You've seen him help out all those kids at those charity functions the Seahawks do. Not to mention he's been begging you to put a ring on it so he can knock you up for like a year now. Not to mention, this is going to give him all the more reason to do crazy kid stuff. He'll be an awesome dad, Rose, and I'm sure he will be behind you in this one hundred percent."

"I can't… I can't face him," Rose blubbered.

"I'll call him for you, ask him to come over," I told her, "but when he gets here you're going to have to lay it all on the line for him. Deal?"

"Okay," Rose sniffled. She shuffled off to her bedroom to roll herself up in her blankets while I picked up the phone and dialed Emmett.

"Hey, what's shaking bacon?" Emmett asked in his typically cheerful manner.

"Hey, Em…uh… you need to come over. There's something up with Rose and she needs you here, okay?" I told him.

"Be there," Emmett nodded. "Take care of her until I get there, 'kay?"

"Sure," I nodded.

Emmett had to have broken all of the traffic laws and quite possibly a few of the laws of physics to get to our apartment from his work as quickly as he did. He didn't even bother to say hello to me when he burst through the apartment door, instead opting to head straight toward Rose's bedroom. I waited on the couch, flipping through the channels and doing my best to keep my curiosity to a minimum and not eavesdrop. They were holed up in Rose's room for about thirty minutes when Emmett finally emerged, slowly backing out of her bedroom door, his head still peaking in to look at her.

"Okay, more chocolate ice cream and some pizza," Emmett said to Rose in her room. "Anything else you need babe?" He must have gotten his answer because he slowly began to close Rose's door. With her door quietly shut, Emmett did this weird mist of the Truffle Shuffle, the Moonwalk and some sort of breakdance move in the hallway.

"Is that your touchdown dance?" I snorted. Emmett blushed a little bit, unaware I was in the room still.

"Yeah, uh…" Emmett said, scratching the back of his neck. "I know a lot of dudes wouldn't be, but this is pretty exciting, you know? Rose and I are getting a mini-me."

"Just take care of her," I said. "She's completely stressed out. And her fancy pants lawyer dreams are probably going to have to take a backseat for at least the next year or so."

"We'll figure it out," Emmett shrugged. "By the way, any kind of pizza you want?"

"You know, I think I'm going to call Edward and see if he wants to meet up for supper or something," I replied. "I think you and Rose need a little bonding time."

"Coolness Bells," Emmett said. "And thanks for standing by my girl."


	52. Chapter 52

**EPOV**

I was putting the final polishes and finishing touches on what I hoped would be the version of the new _Femme _site for beta testing when my phone rang. It was hard not to fist pump when I saw it was Bella's number on my phone. _Ah, Cullen, you've got her coming back for more_, I thought to myself as I pressed the answer button.

"Hey, babe, what's up?" I asked, saving my work.

"Just wondering if maybe you wanted to hang out," Bella shrugged. "Can I come over to your place? I just need to get some stuff together and I'll walk over…"

"Bella, you shouldn't be walking around by yourself," I snorted.

"There isn't a bus route that will get me closer to your place," Bella pointed out.

"I'm coming to pick you up," I told her, beginning the search for my car keys.

"It's not even dark outside!" Bella huffed.

"We need to look into getting you a car," I said. "Nothing fancy. Pre-owned. What do you think of Volvo's? They've got great…"

"Safety ratings. Yeah, I know," Bella snorted. "You and my dad both. Look, I can't afford it right now, okay?" I found my keys and headed out the door.

"I think my dad did open heart surgery on a car dealer," I told her. "I bet he could get you a good deal…"

"Drop it," Bella ordered me. "And you better not be driving while on your phone."

"Hanging up. Be there in a few," I nodded.

Bella was waiting for me outside her building with her overnight bag again. Though I was excited about the prospect of her staying the night with me again, I didn't like seeing her hanging outside her apartment building, on the street with no one around. I might have given her a mini lecture about personal safety, which was cut off when she pulled the tiny spray can of mace her father made her carry everywhere. I let the subject drop, not wanting her to spray it on me. I took Bella back to my place, ordered some pizzas for the two of us and then grabbed a seat next to Bella on my couch as she channel surfed. If someone had told me three months before that I would be cuddling with my hot girlfriend on the couch in my apartment while we waited for our pizza to arrive I wouldn't have believed them.

"You're awfully quiet," I said when Bella began flipping through the channels for the third go-round.

"Sorry," Bella said quietly.

"You upset about something?" I asked, worriedly. "Did you and Rose have a fight?"

"No," Bella shook her head. "Rose is pregnant." It took a minute for me to process what she had just said.

"Is Emmett with her?" I asked.

"Yeah," Bella nodded. "She's pretty upset."

"It's…its Emmett's right?" I asked nervously. Bella gave me an angry look.

"Why would you even think that?" Bella asked, harshly.

"Well, you said she was upset," I shrugged. "That's the only reason why I could think for her to be upset."

"She's upset because she's not ready for this," Bella replied. "She's scared. And she might have been concerned Emmett was going to leave her or something."

"She's met Emmett, right?" I snorted.

"That's what I thought," Bella rolled her eyes. "Anyway, she's freaking out and Emmett is trying to help her deal with the situation. I thought I'd clear out and give them some space to figure things out."

"How did Emmett take it?" I asked.

"He did a touchdown dance," Bella rolled her eyes.

"I could see that," I smirked.

"He's lucky Rose didn't see it," Bella snorted. 

"So…what's the plan?" I asked her curiously. "I mean, for you since Rose and Emmett are working things out?"

"Well… if it wouldn't be too much trouble," Bella said, seductively biting her lip, "I thought maybe I could stay the night…just until they get things settled…"

"Stay as long as you need," I nodded. Bella grinned and leaned forward to kiss me.

We continued down that road until Bella's hands were roaming around my hair and I had her on her back on the couch, our hips grinding against each other, when my apartment buzzer went off, letting me know the pizza guy was in the lobby. I grumbled and had to adjust my pants as I walked over to let the lobby know to send him up with our meal. I paid the pizza guy at the door and then returned to the couch, setting the pies down just as Bella returned with drinks for the both of us. I smiled to myself, overjoyed to see the slightly domestic scene before me. I could honestly get used to having Bella make herself at home in my place.

Once we were situated on the couch, we gobbled down our dinner and Bella found some old movie that was on that she wanted to watch. I didn't particularly care for movies that didn't have aliens or lasers or huge explosions in them, but I was honestly paying much more attention to the fact that I had Bella cuddled up against me than anything that was on the screen. In fact, after about thirty minutes of cuddling with me and maybe a little running of my hands over her thighs, Bella wasn't watching the movie either. She was flat on her back on my couch again with my tongue down her throat and her hips grinding against mine. Sure, Bella was initially concerned about "pepperoni and beer breath," but It took only a few seconds for me to adequately convince her that I didn't care about it.

But, of course, the universe hates me. I had Bella's shirt about halfway off when my phone started to ring on the coffee table. I didn't want to answer it. I didn't care if it was someone offering me the CEO position at Apple or ComiCon calling, asking me to design that year's web page. No phone call was more important than finding my way into Bella Swan's Promised Land.

"You gonna answer that?" Bella panted as I continued working her shirt up her torso and my hand under her bra.

"No," I growled against her neck.

"What if it's important?" Bella asked as I ground myself against her.

"Not important," I muttered before going back to sucking on her collarbone.

"What if it's Rose?" Bella asked worriedly.

"She would have called your phone," I replied, desperately trying to get her shirt the rest of the way off.

"And what if it's Emmett?" Bella huffed.

"He can call back," I gruffed.

"Please answer it?" Bella pleaded. I groaned and sat up, reaching over to find my phone. I grumbled again as Bella sit up and pulled her shirt back on. The least she could have done was leave it off while I handled a boring phone call.

"Hello?" I grumbled, hoping I could get whoever was on the other line off quickly.

"Edward, sweetie," my mother's voice said cheerily, "I'm glad I caught you. I went ahead and decided to set myself up one of those Facebook account things that you and Alice have, but I've run into a bit of a snag…"

"Mom," I groaned, "I told you to do that when I had a chance to work through it with you…"

"I know, I know," Mom sighed, "but I was bored, your father got called in for an emergency surgery and Miss Priss is all tuckered out right now. She had a big day going on a walk. She pooped three times and then she went to the doggie spa to get pampered, so now she's getting her beauty sleep…"

"I promise, I'll help you set up your account this weekend," I assured her.

"Can't you do that magic thing where you get on my computer from yours?" Mom asked.

"I'm not remote accessing your computer to set up your Facebook account," I snorted. "What's the problem, anyway?"

"It's asking for my email address, but I don't know if I should give it my real one. It isn't a scam is it?" she asked.

"Mom, please, step away from your computer and forget about it until I can be there, okay?" I groaned. Bella had fallen into a fit of giggles by this point.

"If I didn't know better, Edward Anthony Masen, I would think you were trying to rush me off the phone!" Mom snorted.

"Please, Ma," I said, annoyed. "Can't we talk about this later?"

"Fine, fine," she said, "also, I'm going to need help selecting one of those profile photos. I don't want one that makes me look fat. Especially if your father's ex-girlfriends are going to want to like me or whatever it is…"

"Mom…" I began.

"Oh, I also looked up that slut Vera Schneck has one of these pages…" Mom continued.

"Ma, please!" I begged.

"… she has gotten fat. I mean F.A.T. fat!" Mom giggled. "I'm definitely going to show that picture to your father later…" Bella let out a snort, obviously able to hear the conversation. "What was that?"

"Uh…" I began.

"Edward, do you have someone with you?" Mom asked curiously.

"Yeah…uh… Bella's here," I murmured.

"Well, why didn't you say so!" Mom huffed. "Go on, have a nice time with her tonight…"

"Sure…" I began.

"And if the two of you are going to make love tonight, be careful," Mom warned. "You're just getting settled and I think it would do you both well to get a little more secure in your careers before having babies. Not that I'm opposed to grandchildren if they happen, though…"

"Goodnight Mom," I grumbled before hanging up. Bella was in a fit of laughter and I glared at her. "Are you happy?"

"Your mother is my hero," Bella informed me.

"I'm turning my phone off," I grumbled.

"Oh, come on Edward," Bella teased me. "You know your mother is a sweetheart."

"You just think that because she wants you to have her grandbabies," I snorted. "She's a major cockblock. Always has been."

"What do you mean 'always has been'?" Bella asked. I blushed bright read.

"Just… you know… when I was 13 it seemed every time I went into the bathroom and locked the door for some… quiet time… she was banging on the door within seconds asking me what I was doing and why I was taking so long in there," I blushed. Bella laughed even louder.

"Come on," I said, still embarrassed. "You never had to go through that with your dad, I bet. It's not fair."

"Actually, I think asking Charlie Swan to pick you up tampons on his way home from work far exceeds your mom trying to barge in your private time in the bathroom," Bella snorted.

"I think Charlie Swan purchasing tampons at the Save On in Forks tops either one of us," I laughed. "Do they have video footage of him in his uniform…?"

"I think he made them delete it," Bella snickered. "But your mom is getting on Facebook? I want to be there when you help out with that page."

"You think it's funny now, but when she's spamming you with pictures of her dog, invites to play twenty million games and asking you embarrassing questions about our sex life, then you're going to regret it," I huffed.

"That reminds me," Bella said. "My mother messaged me and said that she's pissed at you."

"I haven't even met her!" I said, panicked.

"I know," Bella nodded. "She's been Facebook stalking you and apparently can't find any pictures of your shirtless. She also wants you to remove your privacy settings. Apparently you blocked her friend request?"

"She sent it with a message that said 'hey their sexy' with a winky emoticon," I shivered. "I didn't know what to do. I deleted it as a natural defense response. Besides, isn't she married?"

"Yeah," Bella rolled her eyes. "To a guy that's like three years older than you."

"Hey, you should be glad your issue with your mom is that she's a cougar," I snorted. "Mine's just plain nuts."

"My mother is a cougar who is completely nuts," Bella scoffed.

"So, now that my mom has killed my boner do you want to go back to the movie?" I sighed.

"Oh, I'm sure I can fix that," Bella grinned at me with a sly smile.


	53. Chapter 53

**EPOV**

I agreed with Esme that now wasn't the time for any Swan-Cullen babies to be making an appearance, but that didn't mean Edward and I couldn't get in a little practice. Or a lot, as the case may be. In fact, if Esme and Carlisle weren't so handsy with each other and so openly affectionate with their children I would have wondered if Edward was emotionally deprived of attention in some way. If his exuberance during sex weren't enough his enthusiasm toward cuddling afterward seemed to indicate a need for touching another human being.

Like the morning before, I awoke to find Edward entangled with me, though this time it wasn't a mere boob grope. He was completely on top of me, pinning me down and holding me in place, completely asleep of course. I didn't want to be late for work and so I began shifting around underneath Edward, hoping to wake him up but the only thing I managed to wake up was his morning wood, which was semi-hard already. He rubbed up against me a little in his sleep, shifted his head slightly and just clung to me tighter. He was like my own person spider monkey or something.

"Edward, wake up," I said, doing my best to jostle him with my hands pinned down to my sides.

"Snorgblat…" he muttered.

"Edward," I groaned. He shifted around slightly but didn't stir, that ludicrous smile across his face. "Come on Edward… time to get up…"

"No," he grumbled and then clinched me tighter. "My Bella…" I rolled my eyes. It honestly would have been cuter if I didn't have to pee so bad.

"I need to get ready, Edward," I said, sliding my leg up his in a way that I hoped would be seductive enough to arose more than his manly parts.

"Sleep," Edward groaned. Finally, I decided to stop playing nice. I used all my strength and pushed him off, managing to get him a few inches over from me. Edward hit the other pillow and his eyes shot open. He began looking around the room, seemingly unaware of what was going on.

"I need to pee," I said, jumping up from the bed, "and you're a little clingy…"

"Sorry," Edward said, rubbing his eyes and sitting up in bed.

I took a shower and got ready in Edward's bathroom, a little disappointed that he made no move to join me like the previous morning. Then again, I did end up late for work the previous morning. I skipped my way into the main part of his apartment for my nose to be assaulted with a variety of amazing smells. It didn't hurt that in the center of the kitchen was Edward, running his hand under cold water after singing it on the muffin pan he had pulled from the oven. He was cursing under his breath as the muffins cooled on the stove top.

"You made me breakfast?" I grinned widely as I found the plate of bacon and eggs sitting on the counter.

"Yeah," Edward blushed. "The muffins didn't like me…"

"I'll kiss it better," I said, taking his hand and putting it up to my lips. I doubt it helped the burn mark starting to form, but Edward seemed to enjoy it. Careful not to touch the edges of the still hot pan, Edward managed to get out a few muffins for us each.

"So, what's the plan for today?" Edward asked. "I'm going to drop you off… do you wanna come back here or do you need to see Rose…?" I figured this was Edward's subtle way of asking me if I wanted to stay over for a third night.

"I'll have to give Rose a call and see what she needs," I shrugged. "I'm hoping she made it back to work today and got the majority of her boohoos out of her system. Of course, she's pregnant, so that might not be possible. And I'm hoping she and Emmett worked things out. Of course, the lack of voicemails on my phone indicates that."

"Just let me know," Edward nodded. "I'll be there anyway…"

"Oh, yeah," I grinned. "Final run through before you launch the test version right? Irina's really happy and the whole tech team is pretty excited."

"Well, I'm nervous as hell," Edward sighed. "I know if shit goes wrong the entire purpose of beta testing is to fix it, but I really don't want there to be a zillion problems from the onset."

"It'll be fine," I assured him. "You're constantly working on it, and Irina has been pretty positive about what she's seen so far…"

"I know," Edward sighed. "In case you haven't noticed, I can be a little bit of a worrywart."

Edward drove me to work, dropped me off and then went off somewhere to do his final website run through before his presentation that afternoon. I had thought about asking him to eat lunch with me, but he seemed to need all the time he could get to boost his own confidence about his project. I also had to use some of my free time to call Rose and make sure she was okay. Unfortunately, my promotion meant that I would no longer be in the room to cheer him on during the meeting. I knew Edward didn't necessarily need me in the room to make his presentation, but I did want him to know I was there for him.

Instead, I spent my day finishing up the piece I was writing and trying to come up with ideas for my next article. I was a little nervous that Victoria would shoot down all of my ideas, even if she wouldn't be back until the Monday after next. Emily seemed encouraging enough as I bounced a few ideas off of her, but I knew it was Victoria ultimately who would say 'yay' or 'nay' to anything I proposed. I wondered briefly if Kristie and Kim felt like they were going into the dragon's den whenever they went to pitch ideas for stories. I looked back at them, finding Kristie furiously typing away at her desk while Kim was editing a rough draft. I sighed and turned back to my own screen.

When lunch rolled around I finally got enough of a break to call Rose. I tried her cell phone and was very surprised when Emmett answered the phone. Knowing that Emmett had no reason to be at work with her, I could only assume the two of them were still at our apartment, possibly talking about their new impending parenthood. I figured it would take some time to figure out, though I wasn't exactly expecting the both of them to have taken off work on Friday and stay lolling around the apartment to figure things out. Emmett quickly handed the phone off to Rose, who sounded groggy.

"Please tell me the two of you aren't still in bed together at noon," I grumbled.

"It was a late night," Rose said. "And an early morning, if you know what I mean…"

"So I take it things are good?" I asked.

"Well, we still have some details to iron out," Rose admitted.

"Like what?" I asked.

"I don't know if this is an over the phone conversation," Rose said.

"What is it, Rose?" I rolled my eyes.

"Well, Emmett has this notion that if we're going to be raising a baby together that we will probably need to be living in the same place," Rose said. "And I sort of agree. And then there is the matter of kids needing their own rooms… Well, it won't at first, but if this baby is like typical babies it will grow up and get bigger so…"

"So, you and Emmett are going to be looking for your own place… or you're asking me to move out?" I asked curiously.

"I don't want to do this," Rose said, starting to tear up. "You're the best roommate ever, Bella, and I'd love nothing more than to keep living with you, but somehow I don't think it would be fair to ask you to live with me while Emmett and I are trying to raise a kid. Of course, I also don't think its fair that me not paying better attention to my birth control might be costing you an apartment and living arrangement you're comfortable in. And I know money is tight and… God, I'm the worst friend ever…"

"No you're not. You're being a mother," I said. "You have to put this baby first and that's what you're doing. Besides, it's not like I don't have nine months to get this all figured out, right?"

"Closer to eight," Rose sighed. "Emmett and I will help you look for a place. You can take his place… We'll help with rent even…"

"As lovely as living with Emmett's gym socks sounds, I'll pass," I laughed. "Besides, don't you need to be putting that money toward diapers and cribs and stuff?"

"You are being way too cool about this," Rose sighed. "It's not fair that this is happening to you."

"Rose, what wouldn't be fair is me insisting on barging in while you and Emmett are trying to raise your child," I snorted. "I may be an only child, but I'm not spoiled to the point that I'm refusing to give up my room for an infant. Hell, I'll help you repaint the room and move in the furniture."

"You'd be okay with Emmett and me keeping this place?" Rose said, surprised.

"Sure. It's got all the space you need…unless you and Emmett are planning on having more kids or something," I said.

"I think one is enough. For now," Rose said.

"Anything else you want to talk to me about?" I asked. "Your freak out over from yesterday?"

"Yeah," Rose sighed. "And Emmett did the right thing…"

"By?" I asked curiously.

"He asked me to marry him," Rose said.

"And you said yes?" I prompted.

"I said I'd think about it," she sighed.

"Rose!" I groaned. "You're pregnant with his kid!"

"Yeah, well, shotgun weddings are old-fashioned," Rose said. "Besides, marriage is a big commitment…"

"So is having a baby together," I reminded her.

"I'm just nervous and fell out of control," Rose sighed. "I can't stop myself from getting fat or having this baby or having to take maternity leave off my job, but I don't have to get married because of it."

"Lamest excuse ever," I snorted. "And beside, you do have Whitlock relatives, right? The family who invited the term 'shotgun wedding'? You do realize as soon as your family figures out you're having a baby they are going to be Emmett's doorstep with their Winchesters demanding him find a wedding chapel or loose his balls."

"Shit. You're right," Rose said. "Should it bother me that I'm at least third generation woman who is getting married because she got knocked up? I mean, we assume great-grandma was pregnant with my grandfather around the time of her wedding. No baby is born a month premature and weighing nine pounds..."

"Your mother was pregnant with you when she got married? She hardly showed in those wedding photos," I said, bemused.

"Five months and she was wearing one of those big poofy early 80s dresses, so it didn't show," Rose shrugged. "Of course, my grandmother would have you believe she's the Virgin Mary even if my uncle's birth certificate and her marriage license are only three months apart."

"You do realize they're going to think something is wrong with you if they find out Emmett proposed and you turned him down after all this," I said.

"Yeah, yeah," Rose sighed. "I'll get on it. Of course, first I have to get the guts to tell my parents. Emmett and I are still trying to figure out who to tell first. I want to tell his parents and he wants to tell mine."

"Have them both over for dinner and do it that way. Like ripping off a Band Aid," I said.

"They said the pain of childbirth is pretty heinous in my book, but I don't know if it will be as painful as telling my folks I'm going to have to put my legal career on hold for a baby," Rose said.

"Look at you, already reading up on pregnancy," I smiled.

"Emmett downloaded like twenty books to my ereader last night so he could get a jump start," Rose sighed. "I just hope this kid isn't as rambunctious as he is. Or as large. Did you know Emmett weighed ten pounds when he was born? No wonder his parents waited so long to have kids again. I'm surprised that didn't literally scar his mother for life. I mean, ten freaking pounds! That is not happening to me. If this kid gets to large, I'm putting it on a diet in the womb."

"I'm not sure it works that way," I said. "So, you and Emmett still need some time to yourself?"

"I don't want to be a bother," Rose said.

"Yeah, Rose, because doing the nasty with my new boyfriend is more bothersome than watching Emmett spoonfeed you ice cream and rub your feet," I snorted.

"Point taken. Ride 'em cowgirl," Rose said. "You know, I am looking forward to pregnancy sex. The books say its great."

"TMI, Rose," I snorted.

I was able to focus back on my work better that afternoon knowing that Rose and Emmett had figured at least some of the important things out. I wasn't sure what I was going to do living wise, though. I wondered if any of the girls at _Femme_ were looking for a roommate since I obviously couldn't afford one of these great downtown apartments by myself. I sent Edward a text letting him know we could carpool back to his place after his presentation was over and I got off for the day. It was nice finding him waiting for me in the lobby when I go off work and even better when he full-on Frenched me in front of everyone downstairs.

"Good meeting?" I asked.

"Great meeting," he beamed. "Launching on Monday. I'm nervous for that, but everyone was really enthusiastic."

"Good," I grinned. As usual, Edward insisted on opening the car doors for me and we were quickly off on the road.

"So, I talked to Rose," I said. "She and Emmett are doing well, but they thought another night would be good to help them figure out the best way to break the news to their parents."

"From my limited experience I would say the Whitlock side doesn't necessarily approve of pregnancy outside of marriage?" Edward nodded.

"They don't, which is why Rose will probably the third generation to have a shotgun wedding," I shrugged. Edward laughed.

"Just as long as it's the women," Edward said. "Alice would be furious if she got pregnant before she and Jasper got married. It would ruin her plans."

"Well, Rose is trying to make new plans of her own now," I said. "Including where they are going to live when the baby comes."

"Shit," Edward said. "They're going to have to find a new place, aren't they?"

"Actually, they were hoping to keep the place Rose and I have now since it's a two bedroom," I replied.

"But where would the baby sleep? Rose and Emmett know babies can't sleep on the couch, right?" Edward scoffed.

"The baby would sleep in my room," I shrugged. "Or, actually, I told them I would move out so they could keep the apartment and turn my room into the baby's room."

"But where are you going to live?" Edward asked worriedly. "As much as your dad would like it, I don't think the eight-hour round-trip Forks-to-Seattle trip would work out."

"I'm going to have to figure it out. But I've got time until the baby comes," I shrugged. "I was going to check to see if any of my coworkers needed a roommate… or maybe Craiglist…"

"What? So you can get stabbed by a serial killer?" Edward said, horrified.

"I wouldn't go alone," I rolled my eyes. "I need a place to live, unless I'm going to do that homeless woman story for real…"

"Move in with me," Edward said suddenly.

"What?" I gaped.

"I said move in with me."


	54. Chapter 54

**EPOV**

Before my brain could process what my mouth was saying, I heard the words.

"Move in with me."

"What?" Bella asked surprised. I knew I had a moment to take it back or say I was joking, but the thought of serial killers on Craiglist, Bella homeless and living in a box or trying to sleep through screaming babies while Rose and Emmett bumped uglies in the next room was too much.

"I said move in with me," I repeated.

"You are not serious," Bella shook her head in disbelief.

"You've seen my place," I shrugged. "It's not as big as yours, but it's big enough for two people. I've got plenty of room for your stuff. And we can move my action figures and cardboard cutouts into my parents place for storage if we need extra room."

"Edward, I…." Bella began.

"I know we haven't been dating that long and maybe I'm risking your dad coming up here, shooting me and then filleting me to serve at the next department cookout, but I don't want you to have to worry about finding a place to live," I insisted. "Besides, I was hoping that somewhere along the line you might consider living with me. Maybe this is sooner than we both thought, but maybe it's the right time, you know? Maybe this is how it's supposed to happen."

"Emmett and Rose are supposed to have an unplanned pregnancy so we can move in together?" Bella said skeptically.

"It doesn't sound right when you say it like that," I snorted. "I was thinking more along the lines of the stars aligning and the cosmic powers that be bringing us closer together."

"It's a big decision," Bella said.

"I know it is," I nodded.

"Like life-altering decision," Bella said.

"I know," I agreed.

"I've never lived with a boyfriend before," Bella admitted.

"I've never lived with a boyfriend before either," I teased her. "Or girlfriend. Or really any girl since when I was in high school and had to put up with Alice's room being across the hall."

"It's making a big commitment toward what we expect about the future of our relationship, too," Bella continued.

"It is a big step," I agreed, "but I don't think it's a wrong step."

"I wasn't saying it was a bad idea or that I'm not honored or happy that you want me to live with you. Or that I'm not considering it," Bella said. "I'm just saying it's a big decision and we both need to think about it carefully. We need to think about it, both of us, really seriously because I don't want us to take this step, not be ready and then things not work out with us as a consequence."

"Like you said, we have time to think about it," I reminded her.

"My dad probably won't be on board at first," Bella said. "Do you thinks your folks would be okay with it?"

"They lived together before they were married, albeit briefly," I shrugged. "And Alice and Jasper are doing it. Besides, they love you. Mom will probably be ecstatic that I'm not living on my own anymore."

"I'm not saying no," Bella said. "I'm saying I need to think about it."

"I understand," I nodded.

"But I'm not saying no," Bella insisted.

"Bella, I'm not going to be upset if you say no," I assured her.

"But you'll be disappointed," Bella frowned.

"I can't say I don't want you around all the time, but I know it's not possible," I shrugged. "And even if it isn't today, I'd like to think you'd consider living with me someday."

"Okay," Bella agreed.

"Well, now that we've got that settled, do you want to go out to eat, have leftovers or maybe one of those pre-made meal things my mother stores in my fridge?" I asked.

"How about I cook you something?" Bella suggested. My eyes about bugged out of my head and Bella laughed, knowing that situation was a definite go.

Minutes later, I was sitting at the countertop in my kitchen like a salivating puppy or over eager child while Bella bopped around my kitchen, baking up a pan of something with chicken in it, boiling vegetables on the stove and whipping up some mashed potatoes. If I wasn't already dead set on moving her into my place the pure domesticity of her cooking in my kitchen compounded with the almost erotic smells coming from my oven and stove would have been enough to kidnap her and keep her locked in my place. I wasn't the type of guy who thought a woman's purpose in life was in the kitchen but at the same time there was something sensual about Bella swaying back and forth in front of the oven, putting all of her love and concentration into making a delicious meal just for me. It suddenly dawned on me why people sometimes get kinky with food.

"I swear, Edward, you're acting like you haven't had a home cooked meal in twenty years," Bella laughed at me.

"Well, I haven't had a meal cooked by you in my home ever," I pointed out.

"True," Bella acquiesced, "but I believe if I keep doing this you'll grow accustomed to it, maybe even taken my cooking for granted."

"Never," I insisted.

"You don't even know if it will taste good," Bella snorted.

"Your taco salad was pretty awesome," I reminded her.

"Could have been a fluke," Bella pointed out. "Or the one dish I'm good at making."

"Rose said you could have gotten your own show on the Food Network," I said.

"Rose can't boil water, so she likes anything that gets cooked for her," Bella replied.

"Fine, if you insist I'll score the meal for you," I said. "You get a ten out of ten in the overall sexiness of the chef category."

"So, if I move in with you will this be the routine? You sexually harassing me while I cook?" Bella asked with a laugh.

"Could be," I nodded. "I could help if you like, but I warn you I might get distracted by you bending over the oven or something and cut my fingers off."

"That would be a waste of talent, you losing your fingers," Bella snickered.

"You know, it's not sexual harassment if you harass back," I said.

Pretty soon, I found myself having what Bella explained to me was a "foodgasm" over her baked chicken with vegetables, mashed potatoes and rolls. I didn't know where she had found all of these ingredients in my apartment, but apparently my mother and sister kept my shelves pretty well stocked without my realization. I decided I probably needed to explore my kitchen a little more since I had never really noticed what was in it beyond going into the fridge for beer, soda and leftover take out. Bella seemed to be getting her own enjoyment about my reactions to her food and she was definitely pleased that I was more than willing to do the dishes since she had cooked.

With the dishes done and knowing I had a full weekend of Bella all to myself, I blissfully ambled back into the living room and felt my heart soar as I saw Bella cuddled up on my couch with a throw blanket, watching reruns of cartoons on TV. I wasted no time in cuddling up next to her on the couch, creeping my way under the blanket as well. I had never been in a relationship with another girl where it felt this comfortable, this relaxed and yet sent tingled through my entire body at the same time. Bella looked up at me and smiled when I had finally managed to wrap my arms and legs around her under the blanket.

"So, you enjoyed your meal?" Bella teased.

"I'd suggest the two of us have a food baby together, but I'm not quite sure how that would work," I admitted. "Or if I'm even using that phrase in the proper context."

"No. Food baby is when you eat so much you look pregnant," Bella explained. "Speaking of which, Rose and Emmett are figuring out how to tell their parents." I was quiet for a moment.

"You don't think Jasper will kill Emmett, do you?" I asked worriedly.

"It is a definite possibility," Bella nodded. "Rose explained to me both her father and grandfather were walked down the aisle at gun point. However, this time around Emmett's all aboard the marriage express and Rose is the one who is gun shy. Might be the first Whitlock wedding where the woman was choosing marriage over a shotgun blast."

"As long as Rose doesn't decide to do her wedding with a Confederate Army theme, she should be good with Alice," I shrugged.

"I think Rose's wedding theme will be 'get this the hell over with,'" Bella said. "I can see her wanting a big poofy dress, but I can also see her telling the minister he's got ten minutes and she's timing him."

"Emmett doesn't seem to have a lot of patience either," I nodded.

"Yeah," Bella agreed. "If the ceremony is longer than fifteen minutes, he might completely lose focus and start chasing butterflies or something."

"Although, Jasper and his cousins with rifles pointed at his head might encourage him to keep on task," I added thoughtfully.

Bella's phone rang and, after a brief conversation with Rosalie, the two of us went back to our cuddling which gradually escalated until we were both naked and panting in my bed. Exhausted and cuddled up with Bella under my crisp, cool sheets I could only lazily think about how I really hoped she agreed to move in with me soon. Before I met Bella – hell, even the majority of the time Tanya and I were dating – I would go back to my apartment every night, reheat something for dinner and either work or watch TV until I felt sleepy. It was a pretty lonely existence, but now I had something to eat my supper with, someone to cuddle with on the couch and someone to fall asleep next to. Not to mention my mother and sister were no longer razzing me constantly about how I was getting close to thirty and needed to find someone to settle down with before I got old and crotchety.

"I could get used to this," Bella muttered, her head resting on my chest.

"Part of the live-in benefits package," I said, tucking the sheets more comfortably around both of us.

"Let's go over this here," Bella said, snuggling into me further.

"Pro con list?" I asked curiously. "Well, I think easier access to each other is a pro for both of us. So is your cooking."

"I thought my cooking was just a pro for you," Bella said.

"You like cooking," I shrugged. "And besides, I'll pay for ingredients whenever you want to make something fancy…"

"Edward…" Bella began.

"No, it's only fair that I contribute something other than my appetite," I shook my head.

"Fine," Bella agreed.

"And you can use my car whenever you need to if you move in," I told her. "I'd feel much better knowing you aren't walking around the city or taking the bus on your own. And don't worry about paying for gas or anything…"

"Are you trying to bribe me into moving in here?" Bella smirked.

"You get a car, a fully stocked kitchen and sex on demand," I teased her. "What more do you want?"

"There are a lot of incentives," Bella laughed. "There is a little more room here than what I have, but then again, I will be sharing that room with you…"

"If you don't like something at this place, just change it," I told her.

"But it's your place…" she began.

"It'll be _our _place," I corrected.

"So, what if I told you all of the action figures and memorabilia had to go?" Bella asked curiously. I couldn't help but flinch.

"I guess my parents could take them…" I began.

"I wouldn't ask you to do that," Bella shook her head, "but there are some limits, you see? I won't make you get rid of something that is your favorite…"

"Okay, but if you don't like the living room set up or something, feel free to change it," I told her. "And I have no problem getting rid of my crap so you can move things in."

"Well, you do have a lot of furniture, which is good because most of what I have right now is Rose's," Bella sighed. "She bought most of what we have out of her divorce settlement."

"Good thing I own a lot of furniture, huh?" I grinned.

"Most of the kitchen stuff is mine," Bella continued thoughtfully, "but you already have stuff like a microwave and plates and stuff…"

"How about the stuff you don't want to keep that Rose and Emmett might need you offer to sell to her?" I suggested. "You'll get some cash, they'll get quality stuff at a cheap price and whatever Rose doesn't want I'm sure you can consign or donate somewhere."

"I guess I won't need my bed," Bella nodded. "Charlie bought that, though." 

"Well, Rose and Emmett's kid is going to get old enough for a bed eventually," I shrugged. "And if not, your dad might be willing to store it or something… you know we don't have to figure all of this out tonight, right?"

"Yeah," Bella sighed. "But if we do this, I think it would be wise if we moved Emmett in there the same time we moved me in here. We might be able to use the same company and cut down on expenses."

"Does this mean you're moving in?" I asked hopefully.

"Yeah," Bella grinned at me, "thought you might want to be prepared for Charlie to not be happy about this."

"Just remind him Rose is the one who's unmarried and pregnant and not you," I shrugged.

"Way to throw my roommate under the bus," Bella laughed.

"It's every man for himself where Chief Charles Swan is concerned," I replied. Bella laughed and placed a kiss on my chest.

"Thank you for this, by the way," Bella said.

"For what?" I asked.

"Offering me your place," Bella said. "I know we haven't been together long and this is a big deal. It means a lot that you care enough to do this."

"I want to take care of you," I shrugged. "I mean, I know you can manage on your own, but I wouldn't mind getting a chance to pitch in."

"I'll remember that in the morning when you've wrapped yourself around me like a straightjacket," Bella teased. I gave her a kiss and after some more pillow talk, both of us drifted off to sleep.


	55. Chapter 55

**BPOV**

When I woke up Saturday morning, I was surprised to find my body wasn't being pinned down against the mattress by a snoring Edward. It was the first time I had woken up at his place to find myself actually free to move around in bed. Of course, this might have had to do with the fact that I looked across the bed to find Edward wasn't in bed at all. After rubbing my eyes a bit, I looked around the room and found Edward's digital clock reading "11:02." I freaked out a little, not having anticipated sleeping in that late and, after finding an old shirt of Edward's on the floor and scrounging around underneath his bed to get my underwear back, I sleepily stumbled into the living room.

Despite being so sleepy I had to support myself by leaning up against the bedroom door, I was glad to see the sight that awaited me in the main room of Edward's apartment. He was on the couch in a t-shirt and his boxers, tapping away on his laptop with his sexy nerd glasses on and his hair still disheveled from where I had ruffled it up the night before. He was intently focused on whatever he was working on, a cup of coffee sitting on the table beside him and what appeared to be a half-eaten bagel with something smeared on it on the plate beside him. If the site of Edward in his glasses wasn't enough to lure me in the smell of the coffee was enough to make me float across the room like a cartoon character. Upon hearing me moving around, Edward put his computer aside and opened up his arms for me to join him on the couch.

"Morning," he said, pressing a kiss to my forehead before tucking me into his arms.

"Morning," I yawned sleepily. "When did you get up?"

"Only about forty-five minutes or so," Edward shrugged. "You were sleeping and looked so peaceful… and you've had a busy week. I figured you could use some extra time to sleep."

"Thanks," I grinned, cuddling up against him.

"You want me to get you some coffee?" Edward asked.

"I already said I'd move in," I laughed. "You don't need to keep buttering me up."

"It's okay," Edward said, he kissed me again and then came back with a mug for me after a few seconds of bumbling around the kitchen. He came back and handed me a coffee mug with all of these math symbols on it. It was then I looked over and realized the mug Edward was drinking out of was styled like a beaker. He obviously noticed my curiously and blushed a little bit. "My mom and Alice like finding geeky stuff for me. I've also got _Star Trek_ shot glasses, Pi symbol ice trays and you've seen the shower curtain with the periodic table on it…"

"Just so you know, I think you would be getting a better reaction out of me if I was more awake for this," I informed him, taking a sip out of my mug. I reached over and found where I had left my phone the night before. Edward, being his nerdy self, had thought forward enough to have it charging for me when I woke up. I had a message from Rose and quickly texted her back.

"You wouldn't be opposed to meeting up with Rose and Emmett for lunch in an hour, would you?" I asked him. "We should probably tell them about our plans. And I think Rose needs a little reassurance before she springs this deal on her folks."

"Sure," Edward nodded. "Where do they want to go?"

"Not sure, but Rose said she is craving greasy and fried," I shrugged. "I guess pregnancy cravings start pretty early."

"We could go to Dick's Drive In," Edward suggested. "Burgers, shakes, fries? See if she's up for that." I texted Rose back, received her message and laughed.

"Rose said you've officially earned a spot as the baby's godfather even though neither she or Emmett belong to families that subscribe to godparents," I giggled.

"Well, I'm going to get a shower," Edward said, finishing his coffee and getting up.

"Kay. I probably need to talk with my parents," I admitted. "You know, life-changing events and all that."

"Alright, but if you finish up and I'm still in the shower…" Edward began.

"I'm going to be talking to Charlie about this," I shook my head. "It might be a while."

Taking the cowards way out, I called Renee first since I knew she probably wouldn't give two shits what I was doing as long as I hadn't killed anyone or decided to run for office as a Republican. Just as I suspected, Renee was ecstatic about my news and even offered to get the two of us a sex swing as a housewarming gift. Thankfully, she got distracted by Phil saying something and hung up, promising to chat later. When Renee down, I had to bite the bullet and call my dad.

"Hey, Daddy!" I said, hoping my cheerfulness would put him a good mood.

"What's wrong, Bells?" he asked.

"Every time I call you you think something is wrong," I sighed. "Even on Father's Day!"

"Fine, fine," he sighed. "Hello to you, too."

"There is something I need to talk to you about," I said.

"How much do you need?" he asked.

"I don't need money, Dad," I rolled my eyes. "Rose is pregnant." Dad was quiet for a minute.

"And what does that _boy _plan to do about it?" he asked.

"You know who Emmett is. You like Emmett," I said. "And he's trying to convince Rose to marry him before the baby comes."

"Well, I hope they have a girl," Dad harrumphed.

"Why would you say that?" I laughed.

"Because it's what your grandfather said to me when I got your mother pregnant," Dad gruffed. "Nothing gets a man back for getting a woman knocked up out of wedlock like having a daughter of his own."

"Thanks Dad," I snorted. "Oh, and also, Emmett is going to be moving into our apartment so they can raise the baby there. And when I mentioned that I was looking for a new place to live so Rose and Emmett could raise the baby… Edward offered for me to move in with him…" My dad was silent for the longest time and part of me was afraid I had given him a heart attack. "Daddy?"

"You're moving in with him?" Dad said angrily. "You've only been dating him…"

"Almost three months," I said. "If I recall right that's the same amount of time between when you and mom got married and I was born."

"I don't know about this, Bells," Dad said, annoyed.

"His apartment building has great security. Even better than mine and Rose's did," I pointed out. "And as part of the deal I get to use his car whenever I want. You know, the Volvo?"

"That is a pretty safe car," Dad acquiesced.

"Dad, he offered because he wanted to take care of me. He didn't want me to deal with the stress of finding a new place or possibly living on my own," I said. "And Rose is just a block away. Besides, Dad, I'm almost twenty five."

"I don't like it," Dad said.

"I'm not asking you to like it," I sighed.

"Well, this boy better know who he's dealing with if he tries to pull anything on you," Dad said.

"I'm sure you instilled a healthy fear of Charlie Swan in Edward when we came down to visit," I snorted.

"Yeah, yeah," Dad said. "You need help with the move?"

"Edward and Emmett are going to talk about this afternoon about hiring a company," I shrugged. "Edward said since we're sort of juggling apartments it might be cheaper to do it the same day and with the same company."

"Makes sense," Dad agreed.

"Well, we're off to meet Rose and Emmett for lunch in a bit, so I need to get ready," I said.

"Alright," Dad sighed.

"And thank you for understanding, Daddy," I said, hoping to leave him on a good note.

Though Edward had taken an extra-long shower in the hopes that I would join him, there couldn't be any hanky-panky if we wanted to meet Rose and Emmett on time. Rose and Emmett were doing better when we met them and eager to discuss moving plans over lunch. They had scheduled to meet with their respective parents for supper that night, but turned down my offer for Edward and I to be present at the meal to serve as a buffer in case anything happened. Rose seemed pretty happy and informed me that she had finally said yes to Emmett. The two of them were going engagement ring shopping after lunch and she was hoping to have something on her finger by that evening. They were also very thankful to Edward for being sweet enough to put a roof over my head and wanted to pay the moving costs for me since their baby was the reason for all of the moving around. Edward wouldn't hear of it.

"So, you're going to be my maid-of-honor," Rose informed me.

"Guess we've got planning to do," I nodded. "Bridal shower… wedding… baby shower…"

"Alice would help if you need it," Edward spoke up. "She'd consider it her gift to you."

"I'm not having a big wedding," Rose shook her head. "Emmett and I are thinking small. Family and close friends. And soon. I don't want to have to explain to my kids why mom's so fat in her wedding dress."

"Kids?" I said with an eyebrow raised.

"You never know," Rose shrugged. "Now I just have to deal with getting the Whitlock side of the family up here… I hope Emmett doesn't meet all of them and decide to turn around and run as fast as he can."

"They can't be that bad," I shook my head. "Jasper is nice…"

"Jasper is the sanest relative I have on that side of the family," Rose shook her head. "And he plays Confederate soldier on the weekends. At least Uncle Randy can't come because he's in jail. But I have to worry about the rest of them."

"It'll work out," I shrugged. "Besides, you could have Renee for a mother. She'd buy you a copy of the _Kama Sutra _for your wedding gift and make you open it in front of everyone."

"I am just really nervous about telling my parents tonight," Rose sighed.

"Repeat one word to them: grandbaby," I said. "That should do it."

"I hope so," Rose nodded.

I dropped by the apartment to get some more things I would need since I planned on spending the rest of my weekend with Edward. Getting a jump by moving some smaller items into his place already also seemed like a good idea, and Edward was more than willing to help me back up clothes, toiletries and other essentials like my laptop and iPod charger into his car. Rose even helped me sneak Edward's birthday present into the car. Esme had called me earlier in the weekt to say there were surprising Edward with a birthday cake that Sunday since his birthday was on Tuesday. I had gotten him a family-friendly gift for Sunday night and a more private one for his actual birthday.

After about half of my closet, all of my shoes and just about my entire bathroom was loaded up in Edward's car I was about ready to head back to his place. I talked with Rose about whether or not she wanted to buy my bed from me for when her little one got older, but she said she needed some time to think about it before making any furniture decisions. However, it seemed Rose was going to have to think fast. Edward seemed much more enthusiastic about packing than I did and if I hadn't pointed out how late in the afternoon it was getting I was sure Edward and Emmett would have found a way to take apart my bed and tie it to the top of Edward's car.

The rest of the afternoon was spent unloading the few things I had taken back to Edward's place and unpacking them. I was surprised to find he already had extra space in his drawers and his closet, as if he had been waiting for me to move in the entire time. It was nice to feel like I had a little piece of myself in his place, and it thrilled Edward to no end to open up his closet and find some of my clothes hanging next to his suite jackets and slacks. We hung around the rest of the afternoon and I beat him pretty badly at Mario Kart (though Edward mumbled something about letting me win) and then I waited up for Rose's phone call.

"So? How did it go?" I asked her.

"Mom booked a church for three weeks from now," Rose said. "I'm getting my dress next weekend and apparently I don't get a bachelorette party because I already 'had my fun,' to quote my mother."

"And your dad?" I asked.

"He was okay as long as he keeps getting Seahawks box seats," Rose snorted. "Emmett's parents handled it pretty well, too. His mother got all teary eyed and said she's going to have to dig up Emmett's christening outfit for us. His sister is excited about being an aunt, too."

"How is Amber?" I asked.

"Just graduated high school, going to U. Dub," Rose said. "She's going to be living in the same dorm we are, and when I was telling her about the frat parties we used to go to Emmett's eyes got all wide and now he's afraid his baby sister is going to get knocked up by some leather-jacket wearing version of Royce. It was actually pretty funny, especially when she said she might use our baby as practice for one of her own. No one knows how to get Emmett's goat like that kid. Oh, and she agreed to be a bridesmaid, too, though Emmett said he gets to vet all of the groomsmen and make sure she isn't walking down the aisle with any creeper cousins of mine."

"So, anything else to report?" I asked.

"Uh, yeah," Rose groaned. "As soon as I told them… Mom was on the phone… the entire Whitlock family is flying in from Texas for the week of the wedding. They thought it would be really cost effective… come to my wedding and meet Alice and her family since Jasper seems keen on staying here and marrying her…It's… going to be intense."

"Should we warn the city officials now that the Whitlocks are coming?" I laughed.

"Honey," Rose sighed in a perfect imitation of her southern mother, "there is nothing you can do to prepare for an onslaught of Whitlocks."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Actual Father's Day conversation with my dad this year after Mom handed him the phone:**

**Dad: Are you having problems with your car? Did you check the oil?**

**Me: I was just calling to say Happy Father's Day.**

**Dad: Okay. But you have been checking the oil, right?**

**He's also obsessed with timing belts for some reason. Anyone's car makes a weird noise and it's gotta be the timing belt.**


	56. Chapter 56

**EPOV**

I wasn't looking forward to Sunday night with my folks, mainly because Tuesday was my birthday and I knew my mother was going to make a big deal out of the whole thing. I woke up that morning (well, closer to noon), and rubbed my eyes before putting an arms back around Bella, who was snuggled up against my side. I slid my other arm up under my pillow to support my head, not wanting to get up just then. I couldn't help thinking that turning twenty-eight made me sound old. Sure, my parents would probably disagree but twenty-eight was much older in my mind than twenty-seven. When you're twenty-seven, you can still get by with saying you're in your mid-twenties, but twenty-eight is solid late-twenties. Twenty-eight is two years from thirty, which is heading into middle-age.

Then again, twenty-eight was already shaping up to be much better than twenty-seven had been. During my last birthday, I was living alone in my tiny apartment with hardly any friends. It had been six months since Tanya had broken up with me, and as a result I had receded further into myself than ever before. A year ago, my parents were both breathing down my neck about putting myself out there. Alice had just met Jasper and wouldn't shut up about him, making me even more self-conscious about my lack of a relationship. Business was also down because of the economy. I was facing a reality where I was a twentysomething who couldn't hold down a girlfriend or a job and had to move back into his parents' place so he could get on his feet.

Now, I was doing very well financially thanks to business picking up and largely in part to the fat check I was getting from _Femme_ for my freelancing. My folks were both looking toward retirement and my sister was still over the moon about her soon-to-be husband. Of course, the best part was the very sexy, very naked brunette cuddled up against me who would soon be making my home her own. I had a vision in high school of what my life would be like by the time I was thirty. Two years out from that, all I seemed to be lacking was a backyard, two kids and a dog. Of course, with how things were going I didn't think my fifteen-year-old self would be holding any grudges if it took an extra year or two to get that part down.

I was jarred out of my thinking by the sounds of the soft mewling sounds Bella makes when she is just waking up. Over the time we had been spending together recently, I had gotten to know a lot more of Bella's quirks than when we had just started dating. The previous morning, I had discovered she made the most adorable sounds when she was starting to wake up. As cute as they sounded, they also had the ability to make my dick instantly hard. When Bella started shifting around in bed as she woke up, I had to adjust myself a little bit too. Sure, morning wood is hard to avoid but it doesn't mean I should subject Bella to it poking her in the side every morning. She stretched her arms above her head, sighed, rubbed her eyes, stretched again and the rolled over to rest against my chest again and opened her eyes, looking up at me.

"Morning," she said in her sexy, gravely morning voice.

"Morning," I replied, playing with a piece of her hair.

"What times is it?" Bella yawned.

"About eleven-thirty," I said, checking the clock.

"Ugh," Bella groaned.

"You want to get some more sleep?" I asked.

"I've had _too much_ sleep," Bella groaned. "We need to get up and get lunch and get ready to go to your parents' house…"

"We don't have to be there until like six or something," I snorted.

"Yeah, but I also have to work on the rest of the clothes and stuff that needs to get unpacked," Bella said. "And then we have to start coordinating the move and Rose is going to need help with her wedding and…"

"You are thinking too much for this early on a Sunday," I shook my head.

"There's a lot to think about, especially since I didn't wake up this morning to find everything already taken care of like I hoped it would be," Bella shrugged.

"Well, go to sleep tonight and I'll see if I can't move everything in while you sleep," I said. "I'm not going to promise I'll do it quietly, though…And I think I might need some help with the larger furniture, which means Emmett might be over. And we both know that man has two volumes: loud and deafening."

"I guess we can wait until later," Bella said, snuggling back into me.

"For someone stressing about how we need to get up and moving, you sure are acting lazy," I teased her. Bella snickered and continued her snuggling until I flipped her on her back and launched myself on top of her.

About twenty minutes and some very hot sex later, I decided to finally get up out of the bed and shower. Bella had already taken a shower herself and was now working on making the two of us some lunch. As much as I enjoyed the after-sex smell that permeated my room, I felt a little gross and knew I would have to get out of bed and shower. Finally clean, I made my way to into the kitchen where Bella had fixed the two of us up some chicken salad sandwiches. Hers was halfway finished and she was already energized, ready to finish unpacking. I was pretty eager myself to see her stuff settled in, so we spent the better part of the day unpacking the rest of her stuff. Before I knew it, we had to head out to meet my folks. Bella was acting really sneaky and for some reason was taking a huge tote bag with her. I didn't think much of it, more dreading what sort of "surprise" Mom was planning for my birthday this year.

I was surprised to find we had beat Alice and Jasper there that evening, but mom was quick to tell us Alice had a bridal shower that afternoon that had run over. Mom and Dad were both quick to wish me a happy birthday and then thrilled when Bella and I announced them we were moving in together. Before I knew it, Mom had placed a laptop in my lap and, as Bella looked on, I had to help Mom set up her Facebook account. It was much easier than I thought until Mom made us Facebook-stalk Vera Schneck for fifteen minutes, pointing out how she had gotten fat, was married twice and her 25-year-old son was dating a girl who was only 17.

A few minutes later, Alice and Jasper arrived, rescuing me from the agony of explaining what Farmville was to my mother. After chatting with Alice and Jasper, Mom headed off to get everything out of the kitchen while Dad set the table. Alice and Bella chatted in the living room, leaving me with an annoyed looking Jasper.

"What's eating you?" I asked curiously.

"My folks are coming in," Jasper grimaced. "I guess you already know about Rosie, huh?"

"Yeah. She and Emmett are taking her and Bella's place and Bella is moving in with me," I summed up for him. Jasper nodded.

"Well, the family is making a two week vacation out of this, including meeting Alice," Jasper grumbled.

"You don't want them to meet Alice?" I asked, my eyebrows raised.

"I'm nervous about Alice meeting them," Jasper admitted. "She's met my folks and Peter, but she hasn't met the whole family with cowboy hats on and guns ablazing. Sure, they're probably going to be more focused on cutting Emmett's dick off, but at the same time, I want them to get on with Alice. You know, especially since she's a Yankee and all."

"I thought that sort of thing doesn't matter?" I snorted.

"You haven't met Mawmaw and Pappaw," Jasper said.

"Mawmaw was the one who was six months pregnant with your uncle when she got married, I'm guessing?" I said.

"I believe it was closer to seven," Jasper admitted. "Of course, I think Mawmaw's little sister dropping Uncle Randy on his head when he was a toddler is why he wound up in prison. That and he used try and eat kibble out of the dog bowl when he was growing up."

"I'm guessing he's not coming to Rose's wedding?" I snorted.

"Well, he was at Peter's," Jasper laughed. "He escaped the week before, and we didn't even know he was in the church until the Feds busted in during the reception and took him back into custody. Peter was mad as hell, especially when they found out he was plannin' to steal the silverware Char's parents had gotten them."

"I'm suddenly understanding why Rose is nervous," I nodded.

"Nah, Rose is nervous because my dad, Uncle Jeff, Peter and my other cousins are probably ready to beat Emmett to a pulp," Jasper shrugged. "Her mama had to talk a good part of the family out of coming up here when that rat bastard King cheated on her. One thing the Whitlocks do right is family."

"I'm sure Alice is looking forward to meeting them," I said. "Besides, you've met Aunt Jane. I think she can handle them."

"I hope so," Jasper said. "And I hope you can handle them , too. I was talking with Rosie and she and Emmett are going to be there, but Emmett's SUV will only take six people with him and Rose in it, and my car only holds four with a driver… and Alice can't make it that early… and that leaves three people who will still need a ride… so Alice thought maybe you could use your car and come pick the rest of them up?"

"How many people are we talking?" I asked, worried.

"There are twelve total, but you'll probably only have to take three in your car," Jasper said.

"Great," I sighed. "Just great."

"Don't worry… I'll make sure you don't get stuck with Mawmaw… or my teenage cousins…or my bitchy cousin Maria." Jasper said.

"You're going to owe me big for this," I told him.

"You still have to wear a confederate uniform as one of my groomsmen," Jasper said. "That's an Alice thing, not me."

"I'll think of something else, then," I shrugged.

"Supper's ready!" Mom announced from the kitchen.

We all filed in, and I was pretty happy to see Mom was honoring my birthday with my favorite foods. Bella grinned at me secretly, knowing what my mother had done. We did the usual talking about our weeks, Mom making all of us take seconds whether or not we wanted them. Finally, Mom disappeared and then produced a big cake with a two and a eight candle on it. It was a little mortifying to have to sit there while everyone sang so I could blow out my candles. At least it was better than last year when she made me wear the stupid party hat. While they were singing, I looked over in the corner and saw Miss Priss, curled up with a bone and wearing a tutu. That made me feel a little bit better.

"Presents!" Mom tittered when the cake was cut and divided up.

"Mom…" I began.

"No, no," Mom insisted. "It's time for your presents!" Bella and Jasper both giggled. Alice got out her camera to take pictures. I was never going to live this down.

"Here you go, son," Dad said, producing a wrapped package from underneath the table.

I sighed, taking it from him and began to open it to reveal a couple of web design books I had been wanting. I thanked him only for Alice to take three pictures in quick succession before she produced her own package from under the table. She snapped two pictures as I opened it and then three more as I pulled out a sweater out of the table. True to herself, Alice had picked out a sweater she wanted to see me in rather than something I could really use. Alice always seemed to buy everyone clothes, and I thanked her as she flashed three more quick shots in my face. Thinking the embarrassment was over, I was about to head back to my cake only for Bella to produce a package as well.

"You didn't have to get me anything," I told her.

"I wanted to," Bella shook her head. I opened it up to find a box with an AT-AT office supply sorter. Bella looked a little sheepish. "For your pens and paper clips and stuff… I thought you could use it on your desk…"

"This is seriously cool, Bella," I laughed.

"It has places for a lot of your desk stuff… but you have to build it yourself," Bella said.

"That should be fun," I nodded. Alice snapped a few pictures.

"I think that's enough paparazzi, Alice," Dad warned her after taking in my grimace.

"Your father and I also got you this," Mom said, sliding an envelope across the table to me. Inside was a wad of cash I knew was for buying myself stuff like power strips, USB drives, and the _Star Trek_ pizza cutter I had my eyes on. I thanked my folks and Alice shot one more photo before I threatened to break her camera.

It was a pretty decent birthday party, but I was glad to be home with Bella that night, putting away my gifts, assembling my new AT-AT office supply organizer and putting off thinking about my age creeping closer to thirty. Bella finished up some last minute unpacking, chatted with Rose on the phone and then joined me in bed where I was using my iPad to order some gifts for myself with the money my parents had set up for me. I set aside my computer when Bella joined me, glad to have her by my side again.

"You know you didn't have to get me anything today," I told her.

"I wanted to, and I didn't want to look bad in front of your parents by seeming like I didn't have a gift for you," Bella shrugged.

"Seeming like you didn't have a gift?" I asked, confused.

"Well, I couldn't give you your _real _gift in front of your parents," Bella blushed.

"My real gift?" I asked, curiously.

"Your actual birthday isn't until Tuesday," Bella pointed out.

"We can celebrate with my real gift early," I pointed out. "I'm sure Tuesday will be busy…"

"You don't have any patience," Bella laughed.

"Come on, please? You've got me intrigued. This is going to bug me until I find out," I pouted. Bella sighed.

"Alright, but you better not pout when you don't have anything for your birthday," Bella said.

She grabbed something from out of the closet and then skipped off into the bathroom. I sat back in bed, wondering what the hell was in the bathroom that Bella was hiding from me and how I hadn't found it already. My thoughts were interrupted a few minutes later when Bella emerged in full Princess Lei-slave bikini gear. The costume looked professional. Bella looked hot. She seemed pretty embarrassed, her face bright red, and I suddenly realized I hadn't said anything but just laid back in bed with my mouth open for a full minute.

"The sex and relationship girls at work knew this store…" Bella began.

"Oh my God," I spat out. "You look… oh my God…"

"It's a little small," Bella said, adjusting the bikini top. I closed my eyes. "Are you okay?"

"You have no idea, Bella, no idea," I said as she sauntered over to the bed. "Do you realize since I was thirteen I've had this fantasy…"

"Alice might have mentioned something…" Bella blushed, biting her lip.

"Come here," I ordered her.

"Yessir," Bella grinned, crawling across the bed.

I have to say, best birthday ever.


	57. Chapter 57

**BPOV**

I had honestly never done any sort of sexy dress up for any guy before, mainly because I didn't want to completely embarrass myself. However, I wanted to do something special for Edward. The sweet soreness all over my body when I woke up Monday morning was enough to let me know my idea had been a hit. The look on Edward's face the night before had been pretty rewarding as well and knowing that I had managed to fulfill a long-time fantasy for him made me feel pretty good about himself. He insisted on packing my costume away for later use.

I was up early and ready to go Monday morning and Edward, who I gathered normally slept in on Mondays, didn't seem to mind getting up when he smelled the pancakes I was making in the kitchen. I supposed both of us would have to adjust into new routines if we were going to be living together. I dressed for work while Edward volunteered to clean up the kitchen mess. I was fine for taking the bus to work like usual, but Edward's mistrust of public transit put me in his car again. I had to admit, kissing my boyfriend goodbye in the comfort of his car before work was a definite step up from pushing through old ladies, women with crying babies and homeless-looking men to get off the bus. My day was starting off pretty well.

Unfortunately, I had forgotten this was the day Victoria would be returning to work. While I had gotten used to Kim and Kristie being pretty jovial and joking around with me in the mornings, that morning I found them both very quiet and nervous looking, typing away at their desk. I slid into my own desk, started up my computer and looked at Kim, wanting to know what exactly was going on. She looked at me and then shook her head, typing something rapidly on her computer. Seconds later, a message from her showed up at in my inbox:

_Vic is back. Raising Hell. Had a screaming match with Emily in her office just before you came in._

_Think Emily went to Irina. Her mood has **NOT** improved during her weeks off._

Though it was nice to know what was going on, I wasn't comforted by the fact that Victoria was insanely mad even though she hadn't been at work very long. I was also nervous since my story was due to her the next day and we were slated to have a staff meeting to discuss new story ideas later on that day. My first story would be coming out in the new issue on Wednesday and while I was excited to see it, I was also nervous that Victoria was hell-bent on making my first story my last. Not even my now customary "have a great day" text message from Edward could calm me down, even if he did include a cute picture of a puppy with it.

Around ten that morning, my fears were confirmed when Victoria exited her office and scanned over the three of us like a hawk might look over prey. I didn't ever expect to be back in Victoria's good graces, even if I technically hadn't done anything to make her mad at me in the first place. It wasn't that I wanted her to deflect her negative attention to Kristie or Kim, but at the same time I would have preferred for something else to be the target of her rage.

"Ladies. My office," Victoria barked out. Quickly gathering up our pens and pads of paper, we all shuffled in like we were on our way to our executions.

"I'm going to vomit," Kristie whispered as we walked into the office.

"Good. You distract her and we'll run," Kim replied. The three of us settled into the uncomfortable chairs in Victoria's office. I wondered vaguely if the chairs were a reflection on Victoria's prickly demeanor or just her way of insuring no one stayed in her office for very long.

"Ladies, we need to talk about the content submitted for the upcoming issue," Victoria said. "I have read a little bit of your stories, and I think it is important you all hear my feedback before you submit them for editing."

"I thought the purpose of the editing process was for feedback," Kristie said.

"I'm glad you spoke up, Kristie," Victoria said, her sneer turning in Kristie's direction from my own. "I fail to see how your story on plastic surgery fits in to our section. Isn't that more the domain of our health and beauty department?"

"It is a joint effort," Kristie conceded, "but you suggested that it…"

"I don't see this story as a feature for our section, meaning we are down one story for next issue," Victoria continued. "How can I justify putting this story in our section when it is clearly more about the health care aspect?"

"There is a health care aspect story being done by the health team," Kristie countered. "My story is focusing more on personal stories and testimonies about the physical trauma and psychological aspects the faced after their surgeries."

"Psychology and physical trauma seem like health care subjects to me," Victoria snipped.

"It is a personal look… women sharing their personal stories, not medical facts and figures," Kristie argued.

"I'm sending it to the health section to see if they can have use for it," Victoria said dismissively. "In the meantime, I'm going to need a five page story from you Kristie."

"Our deadline is two days from now," Kristie said, horrified.

"Well, you should have thought of that,," Victoria snapped.

I felt terrible for Kristie, but I wasn't gusty enough to stand up to Victoria for her. I was still so new and Victoria already had her reasons for hating me. I didn't need to give her any more. Victoria then went on to point out several small but still last minute changes she wanted Kim to make before focusing on me. I was pretty terrified since I was now the center of her attention.

"The homelessness story is as good as I guess we can get without the undercover aspect," Victoria sighed. "Too bad Irina nixed that idea."

"I thought about writing a first person style lede, sort of introducing the reader from a first person perspective instead, but wasn't sure if that would go over well," I admitted. Victoria leaned back in her chair and thought for a moment.

"That's not a bad idea,' Victoria said. "Change the lede to reflect that. " Kim, Kristie and I were all stunned. Victoria had actually agreed with something one of us said. "Well, this meeting is adjourned." The three of us got up to leave, but Victoria stopped Kristie. As soon as Kim and I exited the room, Victoria closed the door behind us ominously.

"I am so glad that is over with," Kim sighed as we headed back to our respective desks.

"As much as I'm glad she's not mad at me, I feel terrible for Kristie," I admitted.

"Don't worry," Kim assured me. "Kris can handle her own in there. She didn't claw her way out of Kansas to get put down by a bitch like Victoria."

Kristie emerged from Victoria's office about thirty minutes later, obviously angered but not seeming beaten down. Victoria also seemed pretty angry as she stormed out of the room and to the balcony for her customary cigarette break. Kim mentioned to met that Victoria chain smoked like a fiend, especially when she was having relationship trouble. Immediately after lunch, Victoria and Kristie were both called into Emily's office. After another thirty minutes, both of them again emerged. This time, Kristie was looking unabashedly victorious while Victoria was looking furious and frustrated. It didn't take a genius to infer that Emily had restored Kristie's story to the feature section.

"She's going to be a beast to you the rest of the week," Kim cautioned Kristie when she returned to her desk.

"I can handle her," Kristie insisted. "And with the way Emily was acting in there, I have a feeling there might be an editing position open up at this magazine pretty soon."

"Don't be on it," Kim snorted. "Victoria has an ability to sink her claws into things and never let go."

"She'll have to let go if Irina gives her the boot," Kristie snorted.

We all quieted down as Victoria emerged from her office, slammed the door behind her and then marched to the balcony for another smoke break. Thinking over the day, I realized Victoria had been out on smoke breaks much longer than she had been in her office all day long. I turned back to the list of story ideas I was compiling to propose for our next issue. Suddenly, I wanted nothing more than to be back in bed with Edward, safely curled up at his side.

I left work that evening exhausted, with two new assignments from Victoria for the upcoming magazine, and ready to be back with Edward. It turned out Victoria didn't care for any of the story ideas any of us had compiled, rather assigning us our own stories. I had gotten two profile pieces: one about a woman from California who had one of the largest cupcake bakeries in the world and another about a female lawyer who had worked pro bono for hundreds of women who were victims of rape, molestation and incest. Kim got another cover model interview and a story about an organization that teaches work skills to women in impoverished countries. Kristie, probably because of their earlier disagreement, got stuck with a story about pet adoption for the working woman. It was a sweet topic but obviously too fluffy for Kristie's particular taste.

I expected to hop the bus home like I normally did, so I was pretty surprised to find Edward's car parked outside the building, waiting for me. He was in the driver's seat and appeared to be reading a book while he waited for me in the pick-up, drop-off lane. I grinned to myself, glad to see him after such a long day. Of course, I knew that I would have to explain to him he couldn't be the Bella Taxi Service every day I had to go to work. I rounded the car, jumped in the passenger seat and was glad when Edward set aside his book, grinning up at me.

"Did you have a good day?" he asked.

"I don't think you want to hear about my day," I shook my head.

"Now I definitely want to know about it," Edward said.

I probably bitched to him the entire way back to his place and then some more as I got myself settled, changing out of work clothes into pajama bottoms and a t-shirt before rejoining him on the couch. When I was done, Edward still seemed to be listening intently. I was glad that he cared, but part of me felt bad for making him listen to my complaints for so long. Of course, I felt pretty good to have it all off my chest.

"Sorry about that," I sighed.

"We all need to vent," Edward shrugged.

"How was your day?" I asked.

"Productive. I also talked with Emmett," Edward said. "Since Rose's family is coming in soon, he thought it would be best if the multiple moves were finished before he and Rose went on their honeymoon. He figured Rose didn't need any extra stress and he didn't want her worrying about the move the entire time they were gone."

"Makes sense," I nodded.

"Emmett's been packing up his place and gradually moving the boxes over," Edward said. "I was thinking… and Emmett was too… that maybe you could return to your place tomorrow night, pack stuff up at night and then during the following day Emmett and I could move it here. We wouldn't need a moving company if we can do all of it in stages by ourselves. And Emmett's SUV is big enough for the larger stuff if we fold down the seats. As much as I'll miss you sleeping over for the time being, it probably is the quickest way for you to get your stuff together and us to get it moved."

"Is Emmett taking off work?" I asked.

"Yeah," Edward said. "It's still the off-season, so he doesn't have to really report in as much as he does."

"You two were thinking of starting all this tomorrow night?" I asked.

"Emmett wanted to start soon because he wants all of his crap where Rose is, but I put it off," Edward said. "At the risk of sounding like a cheeseball, I wanted one more night with you."

"You do sound like a cheeseball," I laughed, "but I think it makes sense. And I'm sure Rose would help out with my packing. I don't want to place more of a burden on you than I already have…"

"Because having my girlfriend living with me, wearing a Princess Leia costume and cooking me food is such a burden," Edward snorted.

"You're still excited about last night?" I teased him.

"I can die happy now," Edward nodded seriously. "I think that's something I had on my bucket list. I'm pretty sure I gave my thirteen-year-old self a high-five in a dream last night. You now have a very valuable bargaining chip in your hands."

"I'll remember that the first time I have to do laundry at your place," I laughed.


	58. Chapter 58

**EPOV**

Bright and early on a Thursday morning I found myself dropping Bella off at work and then meandering up to Sea-Tac to help Jasper and Rose pick up the Whitlock clan. As if she had some sort of premonition I was considering backing out at the last minute, Alice had called me the night before and chatted to me for an hour about how grateful she was that I was picking up her future in-laws since she couldn't be there herself and how much it must mean to Rose that I care so much for her best friend that I would do this favor for her. After that, I pretty much had to come. All I could do was hope Jasper would keep his promise and I would get stuck with the least feisty of the clan.

Jasper and I pulled up at about the same time and parked near each other before heading into the airport. When we got there, we found Rose and Emmett, who both looked like they had the life sucked out of them. Rose was pale as a sheet and looked like she was going to throw up – and not from the whole being pregnant thing. Emmett was shifting back and forth on his feet in anticipating, reminding me of the dance little kids do when they need to go to the bathroom. Of the two, I had to admit Rose looked more outwardly nervous but one look from Emmett and you could see deep in his eyes how frightened he was. Thankfully, the TSA probably hadn't allowed the Whitlocks to take their Winchesters on the plane, so he was at least safe on that front.

"I'm nervous as Hell," Rose told us worriedly.

"It'll be fine, Rose," Jasper shook his head.

"What did I do to deserve this?" Rose moaned.

"You let Bigfoot here knock you up," Jasper said matter-of-factly. Rose glared at him.

"Don't worry, Rosie," Emmett assured her. "Your family will be fine. It'll all work out."

"I think that's them," Jasper motioned.

They were easily the most recognizable group at SeaTac. After all, no one else came in wearing cowboy hats, boots, and Daisy Dukes. They were also easily the loudest group in the entire airport, fussing and shouting over one another as they made their way down the escalator. I wondered if they would even see us just as several cowboy-hat clad heads turned in our direction. They recognized Rose, her parents and Jasper instantly and suddenly, we were flush with Texas Whitlocks.

"Who are all these people?" I asked Jasper as they began fussing over Rose. "You can't be related to all of them!"

"Yep. This is the family," Jasper nodded. "The blonde guy who looks like me is my cousin Peter and the girl with the tan and the dark hair is Maria. They're both Uncle Randy's kids, except they got different mamas. Maria's mom married him to stay in the country while Peter's mom left to go to Hollywood. I think she works at a strip joint now. Anyway, the brunette with Peter is his wife Charlotte. She was a runner up for Miss Texas. The redheaded twins are my cousins Kevin and Casey and that's their little brother Logan. They're Uncle Jeff's kids. He's my dad's youngest brother. And his wife Farah… and those are my folks, Fred and April… and the couple there is Mawmaw and Pappaw."

Peter and Charlotte looked normal enough even though he was wearing cowboy boots in the middle of Seattle. Maria was a different story with her hair piled up high, her long, red trailer park nails, Daisy Dukes and a tight Cowboy's jersey that had been cut to accentuate certain assets. The three teenage boys were wearing various sports shirts and ragged jeans with cowboy boots of their own while Uncle Jeff was proudly wearing his "Don't Mess with Texas" shirt. Jasper's parents were Walmart chic with cowboy hats one each of their heads. They soon came over to pat their son's cheeks, shake his hand and ask how he liked "the North."

Of course, the highlight of the group was Mawmaw and Pappaw. Mawmaw had her hair up in a shower cap and was wearing house shoes underneath the frilly pink cotton dress she had on. Pawpaw was wearing jeans, a big white cowboy hat, a button down and a belt buckle the size of his face in addition to the cane he walked with. I watched as Mawmaw wacked Pappaw one good with his own cane for staring at a stewardess.

It was also pretty fun to see the entire clan cooing over Rose like she was the eighth wonder of the world and rubbing her belly even though it was still completely flat. Rose was dually embarrassed by all the attention, but Emmett seemed to eat it up. However, the entire family parted as Mawmaw in her house shoes shuffled up toward Rose and gave her the once over.

"Why, my little Rosalie, ain't you pretty as a picture," Mawmaw grinned at her. "Having a bun in the oven agrees with you!" Rose turned bright red as Mawmaw turned her attentions to Emmett. "And I'm guess you're the one who knocked our little Rosie-girl up, huh?"

"It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Whitlock," Emmett said.

"I do declare, Rosie, that young man's got the prettiest blue eyes I've ever seen," Mawmaw said excitedly. "Oh, you two are gonna make purty little ones, huh?"

"I hope so," Rose blushed.

"Course they'll be good looking," Emmett snorted. "They've got Rosie's genes, don't they?"

"Oh, all Whitlock babies are pretty," Mawmaw said. "Say, son, you got some meat on your bones? Ever wrestle a steer?"

"Mawmaw, Emmett is my man," Rose said with a laugh, clinging to him.

"He takin' care of you?" Mawmaw asked Rose with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, ma'am," Rose smiled. "Spoiling me even."

"Good," Mawmaw nodded. She turned to Emmett. "I taught that girl who to shoot the eye of a gopher at five-hundred feet. You best behave. There's a lotta open land out in Texas. No one around for miles. No one to hear you scream. No one to find your body."

"Yes ma'am," Emmett gulped. Mawmaw turned back to Rose with a smile.

"Well, what're we waitin' for? We got us a wedding to plan, right?" Mawmaw declared.

I was thankfully crowded into a car with Pappaw, Peter and Charlotte who were apparently the least offense of the bunch. Jasper got saddled with his three youngest cousins and his mother while the rest of the family piled into Emmett's big vehicle. Rosalie specifically requested her cousin Maria rid with them, not because they were close but because, as Jasper had put it, Maria had inherited some home wrecking ways from her mother. Rose was apparently keeping her potential enemies closer.

"So, you're little Alice's big brother, huh?" Peter said after we had gotten all the bags in the car.

"Yes," I nodded. "She's very eager to see everyone."

"Yeah, I met her when I came up to visit Jasper last year," Peter said. "She and Charlotte got along better than a cat and a bowl of cream. No one else with the family has met her 'cept Jasper's parents, but Uncle Fred and Aunt April seem to think she's the sweetest thing in the world."

"She's got her heart set on Jasper," I agreed as we got into the car. Charlotte had taken the seat next to Pappaw, who I quickly learned was the strong, silent type. Peter got into the passenger seat with me.

"You know our Rosie through Jasper?" Charlotte asked.

"Actually, my girlfriend is her roommate," I replied.

"Oh, Bella seems so sweet," Charlotte said.

"She and Rose were pretty close," Peter said. "When they first moved up here, we were all concerned for Rosie making friends since she was a little shy as a girl. It's good to see she's got people she can trust."

"So, is it always this cold up here?" Charlotte asked.

"This is actually pretty pleasant for Seattle," I informed her.

"You're not in Texas any more, Char," Peter laughed. Pappaw gave a grunt of agreement signaling to me he was still alive.

We dropped the family off at the hotel and then Jasper and Rose sprung on me that we were also all going out for lunch at a privately reserved room at a major steakhouse. Not only would we be hauling the Whitlock clan there but Rose's folks, Emmett's parents, Alice and my parents would be present to get the entire family meet-and-greet over at once. I sent Bella a brief text explaining how I had inadvertently gotten kidnapped for the day by the Whitlocks and then found myself carting Pappaw, Peter and Char to the steakhouse Jasper had picked out.

Mom and Dad as well as Rose and Emmett's parents were already there and as they moved to seat us, Alice zoomed into the room. Jasper – possibly because of all the Texas testosterone in the room – picked her up, spun her around and gave her a big kiss, which made Alice giggle. Mom and Dad both smiled and I felt the corners of my lips turn upward in spite of myself at their display. I was also pretty amused at the wait staff and how visibly alarmed they seemed at the big, boisterous group they had to entertain in their one and only party room.

"Well, who is this little bit?" Uncle Jeff asked with a twinkle in his eye.

"This here is my Alice," Jasper said, in a much thicker accent than I was used to hearing. I suppose he must have toned it down those of us from the Northern regions. Like before, Mawmaw and Pappaw came over to inspect Alice, who was tittering with excitement to meet them.

"Ain't you just the prettiest little thing?" Mawmaw grinned from ear to ear. "Why, you look jus' like a little China doll!"

"She looks like you when you's younger, Marie," Pappaw said, allowing me to finally hear him speak. Just like everyone else in the room, I glanced between Mawmaw and Alice. They were about the same height, same eye colors and with Alice's dye the same color hair as well. Of course, Mawmaw was a little shrunken and fatter from age. Her hair was also done up in a bun while Alice's was shorter and spiky.

"I'm so glad to meet you both," Alice said excitedly. "Jasper's told me all about all the time he spent with the two of you growing up and I just feel like I know you already. He just gets this light in his eyes when he talks about you… makes me wish my grandparents were still around…"

"Oh, sweetheart," Mawmaw said, hugging Alice to her chest. "You've got Mawmaw now." And with that, it was decided Alice would be fully welcomed into the Whitlock clan.

I was thankfully sandwiched between my parents down at the end of the table for the meal. Rose was surrounded by her mother and aunts, talking wedding plans while Emmett had fit himself in with Jasper, Peter and the uncles. Alice had gotten the place of honor between Mawmaw and Charlotte, and it soon became apparent Mawmaw and Alice were more alike than in just looks. They both had loud laughs and Mawmaw, apparently, knew plenty of off-color jokes. The only person at the whole table who didn't seem to be having fun was Jasper's cousin Maria, but then again I too remembered being the odd family member out when everyone else seemed matched up with a mate. The fact that she had found herself sitting amid the three teenage cousins probably didn't help either.

"Are you two going to be able to handle all this when it's Alice's turn to get married?" I asked my parents with a smirk.

"The Whitlocks are wonderful people, Edward," Mom admonished me. "Very sweet. Just because they're larger than our family doesn't mean anything."

"Yes," Dad nodded. "Your Aunt Jane is louder than all of them combined and we manage to put up with her very well."

"Carlisle," Mom warned him.

"It's weird looking at Mawmaw and Pappaw," I admitted, glancing over at the tiny but boisterous old woman and the tall, silent old man. "It's like looking into Jasper and Alice's future."

"I only hope your sister can have a marriage as happy as theirs," Dad shrugged.

Despite the earlier incident with Pappaw looking at the young stewardess, it was hard to ignore how he and Mawmaw looked at each other. They were always shooting each other loving looks and I had noticed earlier who when Pappaw stumbled a little with his cane, Mawmaw was right there to steady him. He had his hand on the small of their back wherever they walked and, even though he needed his cane to talk, he had still pulled her chair out for her when he sat down. I had to agree with my dad on that one. I could only hope Alice and Jasper ended up as happy, old, still in love and surrounded by such a big family. In fact, I could only hope Bella and I were the same way in our old age.

"So, you've got everything of Bella's moved in to your place expect some of the larger furniture?" Mom said.

"How did you know that?" I balked.

"Oh, Bella's mother friended me on Facebook," Mom nodded. "She's been keeping me up to date. I'm surprised her father doesn't have one. The best I could do was friend his department… Speaking of friending, why haven't you accepted my request yet?"

"I haven't been on Facebook all week," I said.

"Carlisle, I think you should get one too," Mom informed him. "You need to keep up to date with modern technology."

"Esme, this morning I removed a four-inch tumor through the use of a robotic arm without having to make any incisions into my patient," Dad snorted. "I think I know a little bit about advanced technology."

"The two of you are too much alike," Mom snorted at the both of us.

"Like father, like son," Dad agreed.


	59. Chapter 59

**BPOV**

With the Whitlock family too antsy to wait for a wedding, Rose's mom had to ask the church to host the weekend a week early, meaning we had that Saturday and that Saturday only to find a dress for Rose. Being that Rose had already had the big fancy wedding only for it to end in disaster, she was content with a small wedding, a department store dress and the bare minimum of decorations. Her bridesmaids were going to be me as maid-of-honor, Emmett's sister Amber, Alice and Rose's cousin Maria, even though Rose and Maria didn't seem to get along very well. In fact, it seemed Maria didn't get along with anyone.

On Saturday, I went out with Rose's mother, her Aunt April and Aunt Farah, Maria, Mawmaw, Alice and Charlotte to shop for the wedding dress. Edward was with the rest of the men – including Jasper, Emmett, Peter, Pappaw, the uncles, Rose's father, Emmett's father and the three teenage cousins – were all doing "man stuff," as it was explained to me. Alice had gotten Rose a discount by recommending a small bridal boutique owned by a friend of hers. We were all gathered around with complimentary glasses of champagne, which had Mawmaw, Rose's Mom and aunts very giggling.

Rose had tired on several gowns and as lunch time approached, she still hadn't found the one that made her happy. It didn't help that she had plenty of feedback from the peanut gallery. Her mother and Aunt April were encouraging her to go conservative since she was pregnant while Mawmaw and Aunt Farah were asking her to go slutty and sensual. However, Maria was the worst, offering up constructive and helpful comments to Rose like "Well, I guess you wouldn't look so fat in that one if you weren't pregnant." This time around, Rose had appeared with a father poofy dress that almost seemed designed to point out she was pregnant.

"It's a little… tight," Rose's mother Vera said gently.

"Honey, it makes you look like you gotta paunch," Mawmaw shook her head.

"I like the shoulder pads," Aunt April said.

"Ugh, shoulder pads are so Eighties," Aunt Farah snorted.

"Maybe if you sucked in your stomach," Vera offered.

"I am not wearing a dress where I have to suck in my stomach the entire time I walk down the aisle!" Rose hissed.

"Well, if you want a size up…" Vera suggested.

"No, it poofs out in the stomach," Rose grimaced. "I need less material there…"

"It doesn't make your belly stick out that bad," Aunt April shook her head.

"Everyone knows you're pregnant anyway," Maria snorted. "It doesn't matter if you look a little chubby. Besides, it's not like this is going to be a big, fancy affair like your _last wedding_." Everyone turned to glare at Maria, who just chugged another glass of champagne.

Frustrated, Rose threw up her hands and a bunch of the tulle gathered in the skirt of the dress. She stormed off into the changing area in the back of the boutique, the two assistants who had been helping us with the dress charging after her. With Rose gone, the rest of her family started bickering over who was being too harsh on her and what the real problem with the entire dress situation had to be. Exhausted and pretty stressed out myself at everything that was happening, I ended up following Rose into the dressing room with Alice and Charlotte, the only two other people who were actually acting as if Rose's opinion was important.

"I swear I am going to strangle that bitch," Rose hissed, referring to Maria.

"Is she always like that?" Alice asked, probably reconsidering her own offer to Maria to be a bridesmaid.

"Pretty much," Charlotte sighed, throwing an arm around Rose. "You know she's just jealous because you've accomplished what she's been tryin' to do since she was sixteen. I mean, getting a hot guy with a steady job to knock her up is all Maria's ever wanted. Well, that and to get employee of the month at Red Hotz Strip Club." Rose burst out laughing at that.

"Just find a dress you want and screw anyone else who doesn't like it," I nodded at Rose. "You keep saying this one isn't about the wedding…"

"…it's about the marriage," Rose sighed. "I know. I guess I just don't want to disappoint anyone."

"That's how you wound up married to Royce," I pointed out. Rose glared at me, even though she knew I was right.

"To be fair, I think Maria might like that really short backless one you had on," Charlotte said. "We could get that one for her and send her off to Vegas to bag her a high roller."

"Or you could get the one with the big ugly bow on the back," Alice nodded. "You could use it to repel down the side of the church if you need to make a quick escape."

"Maybe we could the bridesmaids dresses styled after it," I laughed.

"At least I don't have to wear my mother's dress," Rose sighed.

"I'm going to tell you what I tell a lot of brides to do," Alice said. "Just ignore everything everyone has said. Go into that room, find a dress you like, put it on, take a deep breath and then really look at it. The right dress will find you."

"The right dress will find you? Quoting Buddha?" Rose snorted.

"Just go find yourself a dress you like," Charlotte encouraged her.

"You really think I'm just going to walk out there and find the right dress?" Rose snorted at the two of them.

"The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud," Alice quoted. "And that's not Buddha. It's Coco Chanel."

"Fine, fine," Rose sighed.

Alice had to be a miracle worker because within five minutes of going outside into the main shop, Rose had found a dress and a veils she liked. She tried them on and squealed rather loudly before running out to where the rest of us were waiting. She looked gorgeous. It was lacy-looking halter dress that was short but still seemed classic and perfect for Rose. The veil was lined in satin and matched perfectly. Even Maria seemed a little stunned before going back to her sullen attitude.

"You look dang purty Rosie!" Mawmaw pronounced. "Doesn't she?" Rose's mom burst into tears and it was pretty much decided it was the dress.

"Well, I guess it's okay for a second wedding," Maria snorted. Everyone else just rolled their eyes at her.

Next we had the job of finding the bridesmaids dresses. Rose pretty quickly decided on those. She picked out a set of rose pink dresses with a scoop neck back that matched pretty closely with her wedding dress. Alice put in an order for a white rose bouquet for Rose and light pink rose bouquets for the rest of us with white and pink rose bouquet garlands for the church pews and an arrangement at the altar. All that was left was for Rose to hire a caterer to bring food to the church's reception hall and pick a cake, which Emmett declared he had to have input on. Basically, Rose was done.

"I can't believe she's getting this all done in two weeks!" Alice said as we all went to a nearby café to eat. "I've never had a bride plan so quickly."

"Shoot. Peter and I got hitched in a week," Charlotte snorted. "I got a dress from J.C. Penney's, he rented a tux, we called up our friends, told me we were getting married in Mawmaw and Pappaw's backyard and asked 'em to bring a potluck dish for afterwards. Peter almost forgot to call the minister, but he was nice enough to give up an afternoon golf game he had planned to come down. Mawmaw's fried chicken might have had something to do with that, though."

"A week?" Alice said, as if it was a new idea to her.

"Well, not all of us are plan to dress up like Scarlett O'Hara," Rose pointed out to Alice. "A themed-wedding like yours takes a lot of time to plan."

"And Emmett's not making anyone camp out 1860s style," I nodded.

"No, he's getting his bachelor party today with bowling and whatever else," Rose snorted. "If I can't get a stripper neither can he."

"I remember helping plan a bachelorette party that involved Chad the Construction worker," I pointed out. Rose stuck her tongue out as me.

"I guess you didn't get a bachelorette party with your week-to-plan wedding either," Alice nodded to Charlotte.

"Didn't need one. Peter moonlighted as a cowboy stripper for a few years after high school," Charlotte shrugged. "Actually, I think her roped Jasper into a few gigs with him." Rose and I busted out laughing while Alice looked like she was about to combust.

"Do you think he still has the hat?" Alice asked, making us all laugh even harder.

Hours later, I was safely back at what was now officially mine and Edward's apartment. Just about everything had been moved, except for a few pieces of furniture I had sold to Emmett and Rose to store until they could use them for the baby. Emmett and Edward had worked to maneuver the rest of it in while Rose and some bored members of her family had come over to help unpack everything else. We had also gone over to help unpack Emmett's stuff and had promised to help paint the room for the baby when the time came. I went up, crashed on the couch and was surprised to hear Edward in the office typing away. I got up and walked back to see him with his glasses on and pulling on his hair as he rearranged something on a site he had pulled up on his screen.

"I'm surprised to see you here," I said, leaning up against the door frame.

"Well, Pappaw had to be back to take his nap at two," Edward said. "And Peter, Jasper, Emmett and the other cousins got us kicked out of the bowling alley for getting too competitive with the senior ladies league in the next lane. The lot of them are trying out the hotel pool, but I decided to come back here and get some work done. Where it's quiet. And where people don't have open, in depth discussions about cooking things like squirrel, possums and armadillo after they've been hit by vehicles. There are a lot more techniques to scrapping up road kill than I ever wanted to know."

"I still think you got off easy," I snorted. "I had to sit in a room full of women and pick out dresses."

"Oh, I'm not saying my day was harder than yours," Edward shook his head. "I've been dress shopping with just my mother and sister. I can't imagine what sort of emotional torture you've been through today."

"Yeah," I sighed, plopping down on into the chair of my desk, which we had also moved into the office. "I'm just glad it wasn't my dress we were picking out. Wedding dresses are difficult."

"Are you saying you don't want to wear one?" Edward asked curiously.

"You do realize in naked weddings that everyone is naked? Minister? Guests?" I pointed out.

"Never mind," Edward said, pulling a face. "But I guess you got your bridesmaid's dress?"

"Yeah. It's in a bag in the living room," I said. "Thankfully, Rose was cheap. Her wedding dress and veil together were only like a hundred and fifty dollars and she's wearing some old shoes. Our dresses were only fifty bucks and she agreed to let us all wear nude heels since we all have a pair already. Not to mention, the dress isn't something so hideous I'll never wear it again. Alice already has plenty of ideas on how we can all spruce them up afterwards to make them unique."

"Cool," Edward said. "Who's going to be Emmett's best man, by the way? He hasn't said anything…"

"I don't know… I don't know if he has that many cousins or family…" I shrugged. "I thought maybe an old roommate or something. Jasper and Peter encroached as groomsmen to make sure he doesn't pull anything… I should probably text Rose about it. That would be something Emmett might accidentally forget. Hopefully, he'll find a best man who can remember things like rings and putting gas in the car and other simple stuff, too. Of course, that probably rules out all of Emmett's fraternity brothers."

"Weddings are too stressful," I sighed. "Whatever happened to just getting married?"

"I don't know, but my sister certainly makes a decent living at it," Edward shrugged.

"I just hope Rose and Emmett can make it through this without going insane," I sighed.

"I hope we can all make it through this without going insane," Edward shrugged. "Unfortunately, it seems too late for some of the Whitlock family."


	60. Chapter 60

**EPOV**

Three days before Rose and Emmett were set to get married, I received a call from Emmett at seven-thirty in the morning. While Rose and been corralling relatives and planning their quickie wedding, Emmett had the task of rubbing Rose's shoulders, listening to her complaints and doing whatever else she needed as the wedding drew closer. Since I didn't have anything else to do, I had let Bella take the car that morning to work so I could sleep in. She didn't seem to mind though in retrospect I did feel a little bad that she had to get up so early to work while I could sleep in and just shove my work off until later. Unfortunately, Emmett had other plans and called me up that early.

"Yeah?" I groaned tiredly.

"Hey…I was wondering if you could help me out with something?" Emmett asked worriedly.

"Yeah… what's going on?" I asked worriedly.

"Uh… well, Rose and I were going over plans for the wedding to make sure we have everything down pat," Emmett began.

"At seven o'clock in the morning?" I snorted.

"She woke up early because she wanted watermelon and…" Emmett began. "Anyway, I realized there was something I hadn't done… something kind of important…"

"And what is that?" I said, finally forcing myself to sit up in bed.

"I don't have a best man," Emmett admitted.

"Seriously? You forgot to ask someone to be your best man?" I snorted. "How could you forget that? I mean, it's a pretty important part of the ceremony."

"Yeah, well, I've been a little preoccupied with moving my apartment, taking care of my pregnant fiancé, and not getting my balls chopped off in my sleep by her pesky cousins," Emmett snorted. "At least I remembered to buy and pick the rings, right?"

"I guess," I shrugged. "So, what do you want me to do about it?"

"I was wondering if you would…uh… fill in?" I asked.

"Me?" I said. "What about your college roommate?"

"Chet's a good guy, but it'll be a task getting him to remember to show up, let alone remember the rings and all the best man stuff," Emmett said. "He slammed way too many beers in college and then there was that head injury on the football field our senior year…"

"But what about Jasper?" I asked.

"I don't know him well enough," Emmett admitted. "And I'm not so sure he's one hundred percent on this wedding thing, to tell the truth. And Rose insisted her cousin Peter be in the ceremony, but he has to escort his sister who's a bridesmaid because she's an evil vindictive bitch and he knows how to control her so she doesn't act out."

"You are going to owe me so big for this," I told Emmett.

"So you'll do it?" Emmett said excitedly.

"Yeah. I mean, at least Bella's the maid of honor so I get to hang out with her," I shrugged. "What else do I need to do for this whole thing?"

"Uh, well you're going to have to write a speech or something," Emmett said. "And we're getting our tuxes fit at ten today… I'll text you the place."

"Great," I sighed.

"We're going out for steak afterwards," Emmett said.

"Okay," I said, forcing myself up out of the bed.

"I really owe you, bro," Emmett said.

I hurriedly showered, dressed, grabbed a quick breakfast and then, realizing Bella had my car, had to figure out a way to get to the shop Emmett was getting his tux from. I didn't want to pay for a cab and past experiences with a bus were not good for me. It was too far to walk, too. I send Jasper a message and he agreed to pick me up but warned me I would have to ride in the backseat as his cousin Peter had already called shotgun. It was hard to believe the guy was already 30, but then again, all of the Whitlocks looked younger than they really were with the exception of Mawmaw and Pappaw.

"You look like you just got outta bed," Jasper informed me as I slid into the backseat.

"I did," I groaned.

"Emmett didn't tell you this was today?" Peter laughed.

"Emmett didn't tell me I had become the default best man until this morning," I snorted. Jasper and Peter really cracked up at that, making me even more annoyed.

"I guess he's got pregnancy brain, not Rosie," Jasper chuckled.

"That'll be you in a few months, cuz," Peter laughed. "Shoot, I spent the whole morning before I married Char throwing up and not just because I'd shotgunned a bottle of Jack the night before. You gotta remember all that important stuff like the rings and the vows and making sure the minister actually shows up and that the pigs are corralled and not gettin' loose in the middle of the ceremony and then shittin' on your future stepmother-in-law's shoes. It's a good thing we were able to catch that sow before she got at Char's cake. That woulda been a disaster."

"I don't think escapee pigs are going to be on the high list of priorities for Emmett this weekend," I said.

"Yeah, he's more worried about assemblin' cribs and bottles and ultrasounds," Jasper nodded.

"And whatever the hell a Boppy is," Peter said.

"A what?" I said.

"Rose said it's a must or something," Jasper shrugged. "One of the mom's she met while waiting for her doc swore by it, so now Emmett's having to plunk down money for all these fancy baby supplies. You like put the kid in it or something. I dunno. It looked like a beanbag online."

"Shit, when my momma wanted to sit me down when I was little, she just stuck me back in my crib," Peter snorted.

"Your momma also kept her pack of cigarettes in your diaper and used the cup holder on your car seat as an ash tray," Jasper snorted. "And the only reason she got the car seat is because she got pulled over too many times for not havin' one."

"Least I never spent a whole week trying to figure out how to lay an egg like a chicken," Peter snorted. He turned back to me. "He spent a whole weeks' worth of mornings fretting and walking up and down the chicken coop trying to figure out how they did it. And then come Friday morning he comes into the house all excited cause he finally laid an egg. Oh, he laid one alright. Inside that nest was a big, brown pile of shit."

"Can you tell that story when he marries my sister?" I asked Peter.

"I will hide both of your bodies so deep underground…" Jasper began furiously.

"Sure. Hell, I'll tell the one about when he tried to set his own fart on fire and got third degree burns on his ass," Peter said.

"I hate you," Jasper spat at him.

"Well, that's what you get for talking about our trip to Tijuana at my weddin'," Peter snorted.

We finally got to the store to find Emmett and the guy I could only assume to be Chet waiting outside for us. It was hard to believe it was possible but Chet was even taller and bulkier than Emmett. They both had dopey grins though Emmett's looked more sly while Chet's looked more like he wasn't all there. There were high fives, man hugs, and "good to see you bro's" all around before we headed in to where Emmett's dad, Rose's father and for some reason my sister were waiting. Jasper looked just as surprised to see Alice as I was, though that didn't stop him from twirling her around a bit.

"Alice… you aren't a groomsman," I informed her.

"No, but I am helping Rose plan this wedding, and I'm making sure it's perfect," Alice said. "I am making sure these tuxes are sleek, chic and in no way – to borrow Emmett's phrase – pimptacular."

"Aw! But this is the perfect opportunity to wear my fuzzy hat…" Emmett began.

"There should be no opportunity for anyone to wear a hat like that," Alice snipped. "Now, I have made four selections I want each of you to try on."

"The ties are all pink," Peter said, pulling a face.

"Its called 'rose blush,'" Alice corrected him.

"It's called pink," Emmett, Peter, Chet, and I all said at the same time, earning a glower from Alice.

"It's Rose's wedding colors. Rose and Lace are her wedding colors ," Alice insisted. "that is why there are rose-colored ties."

"Do I have to wear one of those ties?" Rose's father Al asked.

"Yes!" Alice huffed. "You all have to wear one of the ties!"

"But why?" Chet whined.

"If you don't, I will call Rose up and tell her that a certain group of groomsmen is intent on ruining her special day because they are big pussies who can't suck it up and wear a pink tie for a couple of hours!" Alice threatened. Suddenly, everyone was quiet. It was enough to be afraid of a bride but a pregnant bride like Rose who probably owned several pairs of ass-kicking shoes was another matter. "Now, gentlemen, here is tux number one. Try it on."

We all obediently shuffled off to our dressing rooms to try on the outfits Alice had picked out for us. After about ten minutes, everyone emerged and it became apparent that, other than myself and Rose and Emmett's dads, no one knew how to tie a tie. I was surprised Rose had not passed on this information to Jasper while Emmett moaned that Rose had always done it for him before. Alice huffed and make the store clerk give us all a presentation on the four most appropriate ways to tie our ties.

"Any questions?" Alice asked us.

"Yeah," Peter snorted. "Can't we just get the clip ons?" Alice looked ready to strangle Peter, but seeming to remember he was set to be the best man at her own wedding, she stopped.

"You can't call yourself a man if you don't know how to tie a tie," Alice huffed.

"Uh, your 'man' doesn't know how to tie a tie," Emmett pointed out.

"Just try on the next set!" Alice huffed.

I had to admit, we all looked pretty sharp in this selection of tuxes though Chet had to got the next size up to stop himself from looking like Bruce Banner. Again we had to deal with pink ties and the fact that hardly anyone knew how to put them on. Peter about hung himself trying to do it on his own rather than let Alice help and Emmett got his hand stuck in a knot so tight we almost had to cut it off before he lost circulation in his hand. Alice informed us we were the most difficult bunch of groomsmen she had ever dealt with in her entire career, which everyone seemed to take as a compliment. Alice then texted a picture to Rose to get her approval.

"Hey! Isn't it bad luck for the bride to see the groom in his suite before the big day?" Emmett snorted.

"No," Alice said. "Actually, I think it's advisable so the groom doesn't show up looking like an idiot." Her phone chimed and she sighed in satisfaction. "Besides, Rose thinks you look adorable."

"Adorable?" Emmett moaned. Jasper peered over Alice's shoulder.

"Actually, it says smoking hot," Jasper corrected.

"Whatever," Alice said. "Now, all of you keep these clean and stain free until the reception, got it? I don't want anything in place for the walk down the aisle or the pictures."

"Are you sure we can't wear white ties?" Peter asked one last time.

"You are wearing the ties I picked out or so help me I will use said tie to strangle you," Alice ordered.

"Your sister is mean," Chet informed me. "I didn't think you could fit all that mean into such a small person. You think she'd be friendly. Like a bunny or something."

"I can't believe she's making us wear pink!" Peter protested as we all headed to the restaurant.

"Aw, I bet Char'll like it," Jasper shrugged.

"And you! You'd wear pink for that woman and like it!" Peter huffed. "Hell, if Char told me I had to wear pink… I don't know what I'd do."

"You'd suck it up and do it," Jasper snorted. "Isn't that right, Emmett?"

"Yeah," Emmett shrugged. "But Rose better realize this is the only time I'm doing it. Unless I die first and she buries me in pink. Then I guess I'm wearing it to my funeral."

"Ain't that the truth," Jasper agreed.

"Dude, Edward, you're so lucky Bella hates pink," Emmett informed me. "You'll probably get off lucky and get to wear something cool."

"I guess," I shrugged.

"Or at least not a wool uniform," Peter said, ribbing Jasper. "Honeys in Hoopskirts. I can wait to be back up here for that."

"It's gotten intense," Jasper admitted. "Alice is sewing her own dress."

"She's sewing her own dress?" I said in disbelief.

"Apparently, none of the ones she could find online were good enough and no one was going to sell her an antique gown to wear for her wedding," Jasper said. "So she's sewing herself one out of antique Irish lace and shit. Got it all set up in the spare bedroom and I'm not allowed to go inside. I came home and had to take a whiz real bad and she was in the bathroom doing this waxing thing or something and wouldn't let me use the john. And then she screamed when I tried to use the bathroom off the spare bedroom. And then she got pissed when I had to use the sink. It was either that or the floor. Seriously, woman give me some options!"

"It's too late for you to back out now," I reminded him. "My dad will knock you out and remove all your internal organs."

"I'm not thinking about backing out," Jasper shook his head. "Though I am concerned how she's going to get that thing out the front door hoop skirt and all when she's finished."

"You should be more concerned about freezing your wang off when you're out camping in a wool uniform in the winter," Peter snorted.

"Winter?" I gaped.

"Uh… Alice set a date… for next March," Jasper affirmed.

"I am going to be camping in a Confederate uniform in the snow?" I balked.

"It's mid-March," Jasper shrugged. I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"There will be twenty feet of snow in mid-March!" I protested.

"Hey, it could be worse," Jasper shrugged.

"You up for camping, buddy?" Peter asked Emmett.

"No can do," Emmett shook his head. "I'm supposed to have a baby by then. I doubt Rose would let me out, even to freeze my ass off."

"Do me a favor and I don't care how you do it," I told Jasper. "Get my sister to Vegas and marry her there."

"Already tried that," Jasper shrugged. "Look on the bright side, though…We aren't the one's wearing hoopskirts."

"And no pink," Chet agreed.


	61. Chapter 61

**A/N: Sorry this a day late. I had to work yesterday and didn't get home until late. It sucked.**

* * *

><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

Out of both of Rose's weddings, I had to admit I enjoyed being maid of honor when she married Emmett the best. This time around I wasn't worrying if she was walking down the aisle with the wrong guy the whole time while simultaneous trying not to get tripped by Royce's vindictive sisters who insisted we get low-cut bridesmaids dresses I didn't have the chest or cash for. Rose and Emmett's simple but elegant wedding was perfect and, unlike Royce, Emmett was solely focused on Rose the entire ceremony. It was like he was a little kid and she was the Christmas present.

I don't know how Alice got Emmett and the rest of the groomsmen to put on the pink ties, but they looked pretty hot. Edward shot me a thumbs up when he saw my bridesmaids dress, and I could only hope he would be slowly peeling it off me and tossing it on the floor later on. Since Edward had somehow wound up best man, we got to hang out together. Jasper was paired with Alice, Peter with Maria and Emmett's dolt of a roommate got to head back down the aisle with his sister Amber. Though she wasn't as big and bulky as Emmett, Amber had the same curly hair, dimples and blue eyes as well as her brother's wicked, often crude sense of humor. She and Rose got along easily, which I thought was good.

"So," Amber asked as we headed out for pictures, "now that you're my sister-in-law can you take me shopping? Emmett and Dad never let me get anything cool to wear."

"Showing your bra straps is not cool or ladylike," Emmett said. "And neither are belly shirts and low cut jeans."

"Then how else am I gonna show off my belly button ring?" Amber snorted.

"What?" Emmett exploded.

"Go easy on the big guy," Rose told Amber. "I'm going to need him for late night diaper changes, so I really don't want him to have an aneurysm."

"God, Emmett, I was too scared to get my ears pierced at the mall," Amber rolled her eyes. "What makes you think I'd let them do that to my belly button?"

"Don't say things like that," Emmett shook his head.

"What? Things like I hope your baby gets here soon so I can practice for having one of my own?" Amber said, blinking her eyes sweetly.

"Watch it honey," Rose warned her. "Your brother might talk your dad into buying you a chastity belt. And then you won't have much fun on prom night."

"The two of them are going to kill Emmett," Edward whispered to me.

"Nah," I shook my head. "But I foresee his future if the baby is a girl."

Thankfully, the pictures went by much faster than I thought they would and, before I knew it, the cake had been cut, the meal had been served, toasts had been made and it was on to the best part of the wedding. Rose and Emmett's mothers had apparently gotten together a photo montage of the two of them throughout the years, a sort of tribute to them both. Each picture was shown side-by-side for a point, starting up with pictures of the two of them as infants in the hospital, being held by their prospective parents and then aging up through the years. They had paired a picture of toddler Rose eating Cheerios with a bib saying "Daddy's Little Girl" against Emmett, covered in spaghetti, wearing a bib that read "Mommy's Little Mess." It showed the two of them on their first days of kindergarten then Rose in her peewee cheerleading outfit next to Emmett in his peewee football uniform. There were the awkward middle school pictures with chubby Rose and Emmett, who was definitely channeling Urkel. Then high school graduation, a picture of Rose sitting with me on in our dorm room next to Emmett hanging out in his dorm room with Chet. Finally, the screen started showing one picture instead of two, all of which had Rose and Emmett standing together in various places. It was enough to make everyone tear up and I even caught Edward dabbing at the corner of his eyes.

Not too long after that, the music started up and I was out on the dance floor with Edward. For some reason, Edward seemed pretty embarrassed that he was one of the few guys who knew anything about ballroom dancing. He had apparently coached Emmett the night before in the waltz so Emmett wouldn't fall flat on his face during their first dance, but beyond that Emmett seemed to stick to his usual fist pump while hopping, funky chicken, and other dance moves of the frat brother variety. Of course, Emmett wasn't the only person who seemed a little bit of a stranger to the dance floor. The Whitlocks apparently knew how to square dance and not much else. I was pretty lucky to find Edward was possibly the only guy under forty at the event who knew what he was doing.

"I am so lame," Edward shook his head.

"Because you know what a foxtrot is let alone how to do one?" I snorted. Edward's parents swooped by us and Edward turned pink. The two of them were twirling around like they owned the place. "Were your parents professional ballroom dancers in a past life or something?"

"Nah," Edward shook his head. "My mother and Aunt Jane were taught how to dance by their mom because she thought proficiency in ballroom dancing would help them snag rich husbands. Dad took three years of social dance in college for his phys ed credits so he could meet girls. Smart guy. Apparently no other guys took ballroom dancing so all the women were lining up to be his partner so they didn't have to dance with each other."

"Did he pass that idea on to you?" I smirked.

"I was a computer science major," Edward snorted. "We didn't have a phys ed requirement in college, possibly because they thought most of us would keel over from asthma attacks if we exerted too much energy."

"Rose and I took tennis," I admitted.

"You still have one of those short shirts like Maria Sharapova?" Edward asked curiously.

"Maybe somewhere," I smirked.

With the song over and Chet obviously eyeing the rest of Edward's uneaten cake, the two of us returned to the table. Alice was over on the other end of the table giggling about something with Amber and Jasper, who had loosened his bolo tie and propped up his "formal" cowboy boots on Alice's vacant seat. With a slight smile on his face, I noticed Jasper watching Pappaw attempt to take Mawmaw out for a turn on the dancefloor without his cane getting in the way. Emmett had tried dancing with Mawmaw earlier but she started to break things down like in iDirty Dancing/i and Rose broke up the party, lecturing her grandmother on appropriate behavior with a new groom. Mawmaw snorted at Rose's lecture and then finished the rest of her dirty dance with Chet.

"Edward you have to teach Jasper to dance like that," Alice squealed, running over to us as we sat down. "We have to have all the traditional dances at our wedding like the Virginia reel and the waltz and…"

"Alice, do you really think you'll be up for dancin' in that dress you're making?" Jasper snorted.

"How would you know about the dress?" Alice challenged him.

"I know there's a room I'm not allowed in," Jasper replied. "And I know you bought a whole bunch of wire for that hoop skirt of yours."

"It's going to be accurate," Alice sniffed. "And if you don't like it you can just…"

"Alright, alright," Jasper said, throwing his hands up in exasperation. "Do what you want, okay? I just don't want you to get so bent out of shape about this wedding you don't enjoy it." Alice's bottom lip trembled a little bit and for a moment I worried about her.

"She always does that when she doesn't think she's getting her way," Edward whispered to me.

"Tell you what, Ali, how 'bout you take me out on the floor and start showing me a few of those moves you want me to learn," Jasper said. Alice's face lit up and soon enough she was dragging Jasper out to the dance floor. Just as Alice and Jasper hit the dance floor, Rose and Emmett came back and plopped back in their chairs after saying their thank yous to all their guessed.

"Well, I'm pooped," Emmett announced. "This getting hitched business is exhausting."

"A week. A week and you've picked up a Texas accent from my family," Rose rolled her eyes.

"It's addictive," Emmett shrugged. "And I don't care what you say. I am totally letting your Pappaw get me those leather boots with the huge spurs for when we go visit them next time."

"What is it with guys and spurs?" Rose huffed.

"Shucks, Rosie, I just wanted to fit in," Emmett grinned at her. Rose rolled her eyes.

"Make yourself useful and get your pregnant wife some cake," Rose said.

"Yes ma'am," Emmett saluted before trotting off. Rose turned to me with a sigh.

"You feeling okay?" I asked Rose.

"Yeah," Rose sighed. "Still a little jittery from all the nerves this morning. I guess second time's the charm, right?"

"I don't think the first one counts," Edward offered up helpfully

"Yeah, a marriage should last longer than it takes milk in the fridge to expire," I agreed. "So, when are you two planning to sneak out of here?"

"Soon," Rose admitted. "I'm glad we're having an actual honeymoon, and I can't wait to get to the Bahamas. I just hope Emmett will actually relax while we're there."

"Why's that?" I asked.

"He's been talking about how maybe we should cut it short so we can get back and start looking at cribs and stuff," Rose rolled her eyes. "Emmett thinks it should take several months to set one up or something."

"I'm sure there will be plenty of cribs available when you guys get back," I told her.

"I've told him that, too," Rose rolled her eyes, "but he doesn't believe me."

"Here's your cake!" Emmett said proudly, placing a very large piece of cake down in front of Rose. She began digging into it before he even set down. "So, you guys planned our escape route yet?"

"Working on it," Edward said.

"Where's Jasper? And Peter and Chet for that matter?" Rose said, looking around.

"They were mentioning something about decorating Emmett's car," Edward shrugged, finishing off his own slice of cake. Rose rolled her eyes and Emmett laughed.

"You're not out there with them?" I asked him curiously.

"I had to finish my cake," Edward shrugged. "And I think I was supposed to offer up a distraction or something… I don't know. I was trying to get my cufflinks on right when Jasper and Peter were plotting, so I wasn't really paying that much attention…"

"Jasper just better realize it's his turn soon enough," Emmett said.

"I don't know…" Edward pointed out. "Alice may not be too keen on the idea of the car taking her on her honeymoon being dolled up by you guys. I would check with her first. Otherwise it could be painful."

"I'm sure she'll be okay with it," Emmett shrugged.

"Or she'll find out whatever the 1860s equivalent of taping condoms to your car was and make you guys do that," I said.

"Damn," Emmett frowned. "I bet whatever that is its lame."

"I'm done with my cake," Rose announced. "I think it's time to go."

"Sure," Emmett said.

"You aren't going to protest that we need one more dance or another plate of food?" Rose said surprised.

"My grandmother is drunk. She has taken out her dentures and is making them talk to people in a very unflattering imitation of my dead grandfather," Emmett informed her. "I think the party peaked with that."

"Good point," Rose agreed.

"Besides, you're asking me if I'm ready for my honeymoon," Emmett snorted. "When am I not ready to see you in a bathing suit? Or less?" Rose rolled her eyes.

Within minutes Alice had everyone organized to say goodbye to the happy couple. Jasper and Peter were a little put out as they hadn't finished decorating Rose's car, but they were willing to back away from the vehicle and let Emmett drive off. Rose told me later they pulled over and wiped off the giant penis Peter had drawn on the hood of the car before heading to the airport. Soon after Rose left, Edward and I headed back to our place to relax and get back into some clothes that weren't so uptight and itchy.

"As sexy as you were in that dress, it was impossible to take off," Edward informed me as we cuddled on the couch.

"Yeah," I yawned. "I'm exhausted. And we didn't even really do that much."

"I chock it up to emotional exhaustion," Edward said. "Having that much family in a room is stressful. And they weren't even my family."

"Well, they're soon to be Alice's family," I shrugged.

"I guess," Edward said. "She did catch the bouquet."

"She made everyone else too afraid to catch it," I pointed out. "And at least that was better than the garter ending up in the punch bowl. Emmett doesn't know his own strength."

"True," Edward said.

"So why did you and Jasper take his cousin Logan off to the side before the bouquet toss?" I asked curiously.

"Kid needs to learn not to ogle boobs so obviously," Edward grimaced. "He was having a lot of fun every time you and Alice were bending down to say something to him. He was doing it on purpose."

"He's thirteen," I snorted.

"Exactly. And all thirteen-year-old boys think about is boobs," Edward said.

"Know this from personal experience?" I laughed.

"Didn't I just admit to you earlier this week I had Princess Leia fantasies?" Edward pointed out.

"Alright," I laughed. "You wanna just curl up and go to sleep?"

"Best idea I've heard all day."


	62. Chapter 62

**EPOV**

The Monday after Rose and Emmett's wedding Bella went off to work with the car, and I stayed at home to do some work. We were both still pretty much exhausted from the wild weekend before. In addition to the wedding, I had helped Jasper and my folks drive the remainder of the Whitlock clan back to the airport on Sunday so they could fly home. It was a little bit of a relief to know some of them were not hanging around Seattle, particularly Maria who had wound up in a rather compromising position with one of the servers hired for the reception by her grandmother and my mother, looking for the ladies room. According to Jasper, "sucking and ducking" was par for the course when it came to Maria.

It was getting close to noon that day and I was contemplating my empty stomach. There were plenty of left overs in the fridge from things Bella had been cooking. There was no doubt in my mind that Bella's cooking making me fat was an eventuality, so all that I had to do was make the hard decision on what dish I was going to choose as my poison. I had just about decided on ravioli when I heard a knock at my door. Naturally, I was suspicious. I hadn't buzzed anyone up, so I was pretty nervous as to who could be on the other end. I looked through the peephole to see a woman who resembled Stevie Nicks but with familiar bone structure.

"Bella, sweetie? Are you there?" she called. I opened the door and her eyes lit up. "Well, my, my. That picture on Facebook doesn't do you justice?"

"Um… can I help you?" I asked worriedly.

"Renee Dwyer," she introduced herself. "Bella's mother?"

"Bella didn't say you were coming," I said as she pushed mea side and strutted into the living room.

"Oh, she didn't know," Renee shrugged. "I just saw those photos from Rose's wedding, and it just made me nostalgic for my baby girl. Is she around?"

"Bella is at work," I said.

"Really?" Renee sighed, acting put out.

"Yeah… she typically works from nine to five Monday through Friday," I pointed out. "Has been for a while…"

"Well, at least you get to longue around, hmm?" Renee laughed.

"Actually, I work from home most of the time…" I began. "Uh, Bella isn't going to be back until supper time…"

"Oh, I can wait," Renee said, plopping herself down on the couch. "You have a charming little place here. It's nice to know she has such a capable young man taking care of her…"

"I'm just going to…" I said before rushing off into the kitchen. I found my phone and called Bella. She picked up quickly, and I assumed she was on her lunch break.

"Hey! What's going on?" Bella asked cheerfully. "How's your work coming?"

"I don't want to bother you, but uh…" I said, not sure how to approach the issue, "but your mother is sitting on the couch…"

"What?" Bella shrieked.

"She knocked at the door… I don't even know how she got in the building and now she's…" I began, leaning over to look into the living room where Renee was. "Looking through my DVD collection…"

"Where's your porn Edward?" Renee called. "A virile young one like you _must _have his porn stashed somewhere!"

"Oh God," Bella groaned, obviously hearing her mother in the background. "I will be right there…"

"You have to work…" I began. "I'm sure I can find some way to entertain her… Maybe I could call my mom and…"

"No. I'll tell them it's a family emergency," Bella insisted. "I will be right there."

"Are you sure this constitutes a 'family emergency'?" I asked her.

"I am not subjecting you to any extended amount of time alone with my mother," Bella informed me. "Just… sit still… and try not to get too close to her…"

"Why not?" I asked worriedly.

"My mother… isn't a big believer in personal space…" Bella admitted. "She has felt up the crotch of every guy – friend, boyfriend, teacher or otherwise – I have introduced her to since I was a sophomore in high school."

"Okay…well, I'm hiding in the kitchen now," I said.

"Stay there," Bella informed me. She hung up and I leaned out of the kitchen to find Renee waving her arms around my living room in a weird way.

"Uh… is something wrong?" I asked.

"The aura of this room is fantastic," Renee pronounced. "Though the strongest aura I get in this place is the bedroom. I bet there's tons of excitement in there, huh?"

"Bella said she'll be here soon," I said, afraid of Renee. She took off her jacket and revealed a skin tight purple dress even Aunt Jane would have considered risqué. It was paired with a bunch of jewelry with crystals and weird native designs I bet were made for fifty cents in China.

"Do you do yoga, Edward?" Renee asked.

"Uh… no… can't say that I have," I said, keeping a safe distance in the kitchen.

"You really should take it up," Renee said. "Does amazing things for your flexibility and sexual energy. I've been trying to get Bella to take up tantric yoga for years. Phil and I go to a class every Tuesday morning and I must say, my orgasms have never been so powerful…"

"Do you… want some water or something?" I asked nervously.

"You need to get your chakras in line," Renee said to me. "I'm sensing a lot of pent up energy within you…"

"So…uh… no on the water?" I replied.

"I'm going to go check the bedroom," Renee informed me. "Just to make sure the area has been properly cleansed. I always say any troubles in a relationship stem from not enough excitement in the bedroom!"

"Okay…" I said. "I'll… stay in here." Apparently, I was wrong to think I would be safe in the kitchen. Renee came bustling in there a matter of seconds later in a huffy mood.

"I can't believe that daughter of mine," Renee said. "No room for a sex swing in the new bedroom! I can name of five places it would have fit perfectly in there. Give me an afternoon and I will declutter that space, get the two of you some incense and candles and that place will be a wonderful temple for the two of you to worship each other's bodies…Have you ever used body oils in your lovemaking, Edward?"

"Mom?" Bella called from the living room. She must have sped home. There was no other way she was there so quickly.

"In the kitchen sweetie!" Renee called. Bella rushed in, obviously stressed out.

"Mom, what are you doing here?" Bella insisted.

"I came to surprise you. Surprise!" Renee smiled.

"Mom… why don't you rest in the living room… I know you must be tired from your trip…" Bella said.

"Honey, I…" Renee began.

"Mom," Bella said with a glare. Renee huffed and turned around, leaving the two of us in the relative privacy of the kitchen.

"She just… I didn't know what to do," I admitted. Bella pinched the bridge of her nose. "I'm sorry…"

"It's not you…" Bella sighed. "Renee Dwyer has just done it again. She's always like this… I'm hate that I have to come home and find my boyfriend cowering behind the kitchen counters because she's invaded my personal space and…"

"I'm not cowering," I snorted.

"You're trying to blend in with the fridge," Bella pointed out.

"She started talking about sex swings and tantric yoga and incense… it threw me for a loop," I sighed.

"Sorry. God, I am so sorry," Bella sighed. "She just… she's like a tornado. She shows up out of nowhere, messes things up and doesn't even realize what she's doing…" Bella seemed really upset and all I could do was step forward and put my arms around her.

"I'm sure she just wanted to make sure you're okay…" I shrugged. "Even if her way of doing that is by asking embarrassing questions about our sex life…She said seeing pictures of Rose's wedding made her miss you…"

"Great," Bella said. "Anything else I need to know?"

"Uh… apparently you lied to her about us not having room for a sex swing and she hasn't found any porn yet even though she's been looking really hard for it," I replied. Bella groaned into my chest. "Apparently, she thinks it's astounding we don't mix in triple X rated videos with my copies of _Star Trek_ and your copy of _The Princess Bride_."

"Yeah," Bella sighed. "Well, the woman got me a year-long subscription to 'Playgirl' for my sixteenth birthday. Guess how well Charlie took that."

"To be a fly on that wall," I smirked.

"Bella, honey, come help me measure!" Renee called. "I think this wall would be just perfect for a shelf with all of those African fertility statues Phil and I picked up for you when we visited the Serengeti…"

"I better go take care of that," Bella groaned.

"I'll just keep hiding here in the kitchen," I agreed. Bella laughed and then went out to deal with her mother. I tried to find something interest to do to occupy my time in the kitchen only for Bella to reappear five minutes later.

"Mom agreed to head back to her hotel room," Bella sighed, "but she wants to have supper with us and hang out with me tomorrow. She doesn't understand I can't take off work…"

"Well, I can…" I began.

"No," Bella shook her head. "I am not allowing you to entertain my mother all day tomorrow. That's akin to cruel and unusual punishment. I'm hoping she'll get bored and leave…"

"Or we could invite your Dad up here to help entertain her," I suggested.

"That actually might work," Bella said hopefully. "There's nothing that makes Renee run faster than when Charlie's in town. I'm taking Mom back to her hotel and then I'll give him a call."

Hours later we were at some Indian place with Renee and she was telling us all about this visit to an ashram she had and Phil had done a couple of years before. They apparently studied under some guru whose sole purpose was to "reenergize couple's inner sexual powers," and Renee was pretty in depth with various positions and the "homework" they were assigned. Bella was bright red through the entire conversation and, even though we asked no questions and did nothing to prompt her, Renee continued on with her stories, not really letting anyone else say anything during the course of the conversation. Of course, I sort of missed Renee's in depth descriptions of her own sex life when she turned to focus in on Bella and me.

"So, Bella… are you still taking your birth control?" Renee asked.

"What?" Bella said after nearly choking on her soda.

"Well, it can be a tricky thing," Renee said. "I miss one pill and here you are, after all!"

"It's none of your business!" Bella said, terrified.

"Oh, don't start acting like your father… all repressed and like it's something you should be ashamed of…" Renee shook her head. "Your bodily functions as a woman are Mother Nature's way of preparing you for the miracle of childbirth…."

"Please don't do this mom," Bella moaned.

"I highly suggest you don't get an epidural," Renee continued. "I did because the doctor talked me into it when I had you, but my memories are so hazy and I didn't get to enjoy the beauty and sensation of pushing life out of my womb and into..."

"I'm not pregnant!" Bella shrieked.

"I was just curious," Renee huffed. "After all, Rose is having a baby and I know a lot of your friends from high school have already had children… I was just curious as to if you had been bit by that babymaking bug that seems to be going around. So, you aren't pregnant?"

"First of all, I think I would have told you if I was pregnant," Bella said. "Second of all, I don't do everything Rose does. Thirdly, this is not a conversation we need to be having…"

"Oh, Edward you don't mind, do you?" Renee asked, batting her eyelashes at me.

"And finally, Edward and I are just getting out footing. We just moved in together," Bella insisted. "I really don't think either of us is in a place right now were me being pregnant would be a good idea…"

"But you have discussed it?" Renee asked curiously.

"We're not even married!" Bella hissed.

"Bella, you don't have to be married to have a baby," Renee rolled her eyes. "I suppose your father is the one putting those antiquated notions in your head…"

"Mother," Bella said furiously.

"But if you do decide to have children, a friend of mine specializes in Lamaze and I'm sure she would be able to give the two of you some great positions that would be conducive to conception," Renee continued.

"Renee, I'm sure if Bella and I ever decide to have children you will be the first to know," I interjected. Renee seemed satisfied and, though she was still mortified, Bella seemed grateful for my intervention.

"Well, good," Renee said. "I'm too young to be a grandmother anyway. And Phil isn't even forty yet! Can you imagine what he would do if I told him he was going to be a step-grandfather?"

"Probably better than Dad would react," Bella pointed out. Renee scrunched up her nose in disgust, obviously not wanting to be reminded of her ex-husband.

"You know, Charlie intends to come up here some time and visit us soon," I commented, wondering if this would be enough to make Renee suddenly rethink her surprise trip to visit us. "He said he wanted to see if the fishing in Seattle was as good as it is around Forks."

"Fishing?" Renee scoffed. "I suppose he insisted on taking you along."

"I caught a four pounder," I bragged. Bella stifled a laugh as her mother looked disgusted. "It was delicious…He showed me how to fry it up and everything. He and I have been talking about taking me out to do some sea fishing off the coast of the reservation once I get my skills up..."

"Hmmm," Renee snorted.

"Mom's a vegan," Bella whispered to me.

"For how long?" I whispered back.

"Since the trip to India last year," Bella rolled her eyes.

"He's not coming up any time soon, is he?" Renee asked.

"He said he'd meet us some weekend," I shrugged.

"Well, it is getting rather late and I'm not fully adjusted to the whole time change," Renee mentioned. "I should be getting back to my hotel…"

"We'll drive you," Bella said, jumping up from the table.

Renee left the next morning.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: My mom is awesome. She doesn't ask embarrassing questions like Renee. Or my aunt and grandma.**


	63. Chapter 63

**BPOV**

I could believe that my mother would drop in on Edward and myself unannounced, but I didn't enjoy her unplanned visit. I was so glad when she called me the next morning to tell us she was waiting at Sea-Tac for her flight back to Florida. I was glad she was gone, but I was still pretty mad at how she had freaked out Edward, storming in on him like that and then questioning us about whether or not we planned to have kids.

Two weeks later, I was still stewing over her visit though both Edward and my dad were telling me it was just her personality and I had to get over it. Rose and Emmett had returned from their honeymoon and even though they still had eight months to get things ready, the two of them had already started their baby shopping. Emmett wanted an ergonomic crib and Rose was freaking out about the fact that flammable materials were sometimes used in baby clothes and blankets. Rose blathered on about it to me on the phone for two straight hours, not letting me have a single word in.

I had been looking forward to a relaxing Saturday with Edward that week. We had agreed to turn off our phones and cuddle in bed all day. Unfortunately, late Friday night one of Edward's clients had called to tell him an intern had inadvertently downloaded a virus causing their server to crash and destroying their web site. Edward knew he was going to be spending all Saturday morning over at their headquarters trying his best to fix things. He had to wake up extra early, and was not happy about it at all. After a huge mug of coffee and a few terse words he headed out in the typically rainy Seattle weather to go across town and deal with the problem.

Knowing how frustrated he was that our plans had been interrupted, I decided to head out to the grocery store, pick up a few things and make a nice, big supper for him. I went out, got everything, and then realized we were completely out of olive oil. Frustrated, I headed back downstairs and out of the apparent to get some. I walked out of the lobby of our building only to find Edward's heavily pregnant ex-girlfriend standing in front of me. To tell the truth, I probably would have walked right past Tanya without a second thought as to who she was, but she strutted over and confronted me. Thankfully, her big belly kept her out of my face.

"What are you doing here?" she shrieked at me.

"Uh… I live here…" I said, completely caught off guard.

"Edward lives here," Tanya hissed.

"Yes… I live here with him…" I nodded, wondering if Tanya's pregnancy had popped a few brain cells. Rose definitely seemed confused lately.

"What?" Tanya said furiously.

"He asked me to move in about a month ago," I explained.

"No! No! No! NO!" Tanya said, stomping her foot like a child.

"What are _you_ doing here?" I said, reaching my hand down into my bag to the can of mace my dad insisted I carry. I clutched it lightly and then let it go, thinking better of macing a pregnant woman.

"I'm here to see Edward," Tanya said furiously.

"He isn't here," I said.

"What do you _mean_ he isn't here?" Tanya hissed.

"He got called out on a work emergency… Not that it's any of your business," I said. "Actually, you have no business here. And why aren't you with your husband?" Tanya's face twisted up until she resembled some sort of wicked witch and then she burst into tears. I groaned inwardly, now faced with a crying pregnant lady who just happened to be my boyfriend's ex.

"Royce… Royce _left me_," Tanya moaned.

"And that surprised you?" I snorted. "He cheated on Rose within twenty-four hours of marrying her. He doesn't have the best track record…"

"I'm due any day now… I don't know what to do!" Tanya whimpered.

"But why are you here?" I rolled my eyes.

"I thought Edward would…" Tanya sobbed. "I thought he would help me…"

"Why would he do that?" I grimaced. Tanya looked up at me with puppy dog eyes, which just served to make me angrier. "Oh, you thought you'd just show up and he would take pity on you? That he'd just be here waiting for you to come back?" Tanya at least had the decency to look moderately ashamed.

"What am I going to do now, huh?" Tanya said bitterly. "What am I supposed to do?"

"I…" I began, not able to finish my sentence before Tanya winched in pain, looked down at the ground and then back up at me.

"Oh shit," she groaned.

"What?" I gaped.

"My water just broke," Tanya hissed.

"Holy shit," I gaped, not sure what to do. Naturally, Edward chose that moment to drive by and then pull over on the side of the road, obviously wanting to know what was going on between me and his ex-girlfriend.

"Bella… what's going on here?" Edward asked, his window rolled down. He glared at Tanya, obviously hoping that she would see he wanted her gone. I looked at Tanya who was now clutching her huge belly and hyperventilating. Without really thinking, I just shoved Tanya into the backseat of Edward's car and then followed, slamming the door behind us. "Bella?"

"Just drive!" I ordered him.

"But…" Edward began.

"She's in labor! Drive to the hospital!" I hissed at him. Visibly panicked, Edward pulled out of the parking zone and shot down the street like a bullet. I wasn't even sure if he knew where he was going.

"What is going on?" Edward demanded, hitting the breaks just in time to not put us in the middle of an intersection when the light turned red.

"She's having a baby," I said as Tanya continued to scream and groan.

"I've gathered that," Edward said. "But why is she trying to have it in my car?"

"Royce left," I said.

"Where did he go?" Edward asked. "Can we call him or something?"

"No he left. _Left_," I emphasized. Tanya howled in pain.

"He is a rat bastard, but what else do you expect?" Edward nodded.

"Quit fucking talking about Royce and fucking drive!" Tanya screeched as the light turned green.

"But why is she here?" Edward asked, making a turn so sharp I swear the car was on two wheels.

"She came looking for you," I said.

"It's not my kid," Edward said, puzzled.

"I thought you'd help," Tanya said before screeching again. "Fuck!"

"Why?" Edward snorted. "You got yourself into this mess… Speaking of mess… there isn't anything going to be any mess left on my backseat is there?"

"If you don't hurry your slow ass up and get me to a hospital, I'm going to have the damned thing right here," Tanya hissed.

"Great motherly instincts you've got there," Edward shot back at her. I sort of understood why they had broken up.

"Edward, drive,' I hissed at him.

"I'm driving!" Edward said, running his fingers through his hair in frustration.

"Where the fuck are you taking us?" Tanya screamed as Edward came to another stop.

"It's not my fault we're hitting every fucking red light in Seattle!" Edward shot back. Tanya wheezed and then screamed again.

"I am not having my fucking baby in the back of my fucking ex-boyfriend's fucking car!" Tanya screamed.

Edward stomped the gas as soon as the light turned green, ran the next red light we came to and managed to slide into the emergency room drop off pavilion at the hospital with all the precision of a Hollywood stunt driver. As soon as the car came to a stop, Tanya jumped out and waddled toward the double doors. Somehow sensing what was happening, two women from the front desk rushed forward to get her into a wheelchair. Edward put the car back into gear and started to turn around.

"Where are you going?" I asked him.

"We got her here. What more are we supposed to do?" Edward grimaced. "She left me on pretty bad terms, I'm over her and then she showed up to harass you!"

"Edward… she is nine month's pregnant and hormonal… and Royce did leave her," I pointed out.

"So?" Edward grimaced.

"We should probably just make sure she's okay," I said. "I mean… she did almost give birth in your car…"

"But…" Edward began.

"I mean, I feel really bad dropping her off like that," Bella said. "Like those people who beat someone up or see their friend is overdosing and just dump them off in front of the hospital…"

"Fine," Edward grimaced. "I'll find a place to park…"

Within five minutes, Edward and I were sitting in the waiting room of the maternity ward. Edward wasn't particularly happy about being there, and even though I didn't really like Tanya, I felt like it was the right thing to do to stay. After all, she didn't seem to have anyone there for her and I had to imagine giving birth for the first time was scary enough without dealing with the pressure of losing your husband and finding out your once reliable ex had moved on. I texted Rose, expecting her to go into full on bitch mode and demand we abandon Tanya at the hospital because she didn't deserve kindness.

However, Rose must have developed some sort of pregnancy sympathy for Tanya and thirty minutes later burst into the waiting room with Emmett hot on her heels. Rose sniffled into Emmett's shoulders for about ten minutes about what a good man he was that he wasn't leaving her and their baby. Only about fifteen minutes after their arrival did Dr. Carlisle Cullen make his appearance in the maternity ward waiting room as well, a bit confused at why all of us where there.

"Edward… what are you and your friends doing in my hospital?" Carlisle asked.

"What are _you _doing in the maternity wing?" Edward replied.

"The head nurse buzzed to tell me you were here…" Carlisle said. "After all, I haven't made any mention of any impending grandchildren, so she was curious as to why you were here…"

"Tanya's in labor," Edward answered.

"Edward… you do realize she's married… and you broke up with her two years ago?" Carlisle said, confused.

"She assaulted Bella in front of our apartment," Edward said.

"Pardon?" Carlisle balked.

While Edward proceeded to pull at his hair, I explained to Carlisle what had happened with Tanya. My retelling of the story only caused Rose to burst out into tears again and Emmett try in vain to console her. By the end of the story, Carlisle was sitting in the chair beside Edward and both of them looked like they could use a big cup of coffee or perhaps something stronger.

"Have any of you called her parents?" Carlisle asked.

"I don't even want to be here!" Edward snorted.

"Someone needs to let Tanya's next of kin know," Carlisle replied calmly.

"How would we know how to contact them?" Edward asked.

"I'll see to that then…" Carlisle nodded. "And maybe call your mother…"

"No. Dad…just… no," Edward shook his head. "The last thing we need to make the awkwardness complete is Mom to show up here… And she might try to bring the dog and…"

"Fine, fine," Carlisle nodded, "but you know she's going to expect a full report tomorrow night at dinner. Maybe you should send her a Facebook message?"

"Oh God," Edward groaned.

"Sorry I said anything," Carlisle rolled his eyes before retreating off to track down Tanya's parents.

Three hours later, Tanya was holding her brand new baby girl. Her parents were flying back from their vacation in the Bahamas and Edward was ready to hightail it out of the hospital, feeling our duties were complete. Rose insisted on going in to visit the baby, which I attributed to curiosity. Edward absolutely refused to go back, not wanting to be in the room with Tanya. Emmett, however, decided to head back with Rose and myself but rather than heading into the hospital room with us stayed outside and decided to look at the new babies in the nursery. I suppose he was scoping out the competition. Rose and I went inside and visited with Tanya for a few moments. Even though Tanya was married to her ex-husband, Rose was nice and sweet to Tanya and the new baby. Of course, as soon as we were out of the hospital room Rose confided in me that the poor baby was cursed with Royce's too big forehead .

"So, ready for eight months from now?" I asked Rose.

"Closer to seven now," Rose grimaced. "And no. But at least I don't have to worry about the father not being there. Hell, I'm sure Tanya was convinced Royce would show up right until her water broke."

"Actually, when her water broke she was scheming of ways to make Edward pity and take care of her since Royce was long gone," I replied.

"Bitch," Rose snorted. "I just hope that whatever evil genes Royce and Tanya possess weren't passed down to that kid. Otherwise, Virginia Mason might have a future super villainess sleeping in its nursery tonight."

"I'll ask Carlisle if he can test her for any radioactive spider bites and the like," I nodded. "Now maybe I will be able to get back on with the uneventful, lounge around the house day my boyfriend and I had planned."

"I know you're supposed to look like shit after you give birth, but I seriously hope I don't end up looking like Tanya does now," Rose shook her head. "It's like she aged ten years in a few hours!"

"I think she sweated off her makeup," I replied.

"Well, I better go fetch Emmett," Rose said, looking at Emmett who had his face pressed to the glass of the nursery. "I seriously don't want him to get accused of leering at the new babies."

"Call me later," I nodded to Rose before heading out into the waiting room where Edward was still sitting.

"Can we go now?" Edward said, hopping up out of his chair as soon as we reentered the waiting room.

"Sure," I nodded. "The baby is cute."

"I'm sure Tanya would send it back if it wasn't," Edward rolled his eyes.

"You sure you don't want to see the baby?" I asked him.

"Positive," Edward said. "All I want to do is go home and try to salvage some semblance of the day we planned together without work or ex-girlfriend or trips to my father's hospital getting in the way."

"Alright," I nodded. "I'm sorry I dragged you in to all this. I just couldn't let her give birth on the sidewalk in front of our apartment."

"I know Bella," Edward said, taking his hand in mine. "Your big heart is one of the things I love about you. I just hope that one day Tanya realizes what you really did for her today. You didn't have to help her out."

"I think she knows," I shrugged as the two of us headed to the elevator and back to the ground floor.

"So… what did she name the baby?" Edward asked, causing me to laugh. "What?"

"Bella," I laughed. "She named the baby Bella."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: There are only about five more chapters left. I am thinking about doing a couple of outtakes, but I'm not sure which ones. I am also looking into a new story completely different from this one. And that is about all for now.**


	64. Chapter 64

**EPOV**

Naturally, my father had to go home and tell my mother how I wound up in the maternity ward waiting room at the hospital that afternoon, so as soon as Bella and I got home I spent twenty minutes on the phone with my mother trying to convince her I didn't need to talk and wasn't having an emotional breakdown over my ex-girlfriend having a baby. I was still a little annoyed the birth almost happened in the backseat of my car, but I had no feelings toward Tanya whatsoever. Honestly, I wasn't even mad or disgusted by her any more. I was just truly apathetic to her existence.

Sunday, we went over to have our customary family meal at my parents' place. For whatever reason, I thought my mother was over the whole Tanya having a baby thing. We arrived only to be ushered into the living room where Mom already was forcing Alice and Jasper to look at the new cute pictures of Miss Priss she had uploaded to Facebook to show all of her college friends. Alice was being rather encouraging of Mom's new Facebook habit and I contemplated telling Mom about Pinterest so Alice would know what it was like helping foster Mom's Internet addiction.

"Oh, Edward, have you seen the new pictures of Bella?" Mom asked as we sat down.

"Um… what pictures?" I asked Bella.

"No, not _your _Bella," Mom rolled her eyes. "Baby Bella."

"Who's 'Baby Bella'?" I asked confused.

"Tanya's baby," Bella prompted me.

"I still can't believe Tanya named her baby after you," Alice said to Bella. "I mean, I guess you earned it after getting her to the hospital and all…"

"How do you all know about this?" I asked with a huff.

"Mom told me," Alice said. "And Mom's Facebook friends with Tanya's mom on Facebook."

"You're friends with my ex's mother?" I groaned at my mother.

"Babs is a nice lady," Mom shrugged.

"This is the same woman who recommended you get plastic surgery," I pointed out.

"She was joking," Mom rolled her eyes. "Anyway, she has all these new pictures of Baby Bella up and I have to say, she is very adorable."

"She is pretty cute, Edward," Alice said. "Not as cute as I was as a baby, but cute none the less."

"Cute?" I snorted. "You had fire engine red hair sticking up everywhere and looked like a baby elf."

"I did not!" Alice shrieked. "I was adorable! And I didn't have hair like that!"

"I think we could settle this matter by bringing out the baby books," Dad suggested.

"No!" Alice and I yelled at the same time.

"I think that would be a good idea," Mom agreed. "I don't think Bella and Jasper have seen any pictures of the two of you when you were little… not that Alice left many of those during the Great Purge of Ninety-Nine…"

"It's a good thing you found her before she burned the house down," Dad nodded to Mom.

"I still don't know how she managed to get the matches out of the cabinet on her own," Mom shook her head.

"You burned all your baby pictures?" Jasper said to Alice in surprise.

"No. She just burned any part of them that showed her hair," I shrugged, leading Alice to glower at me.

"Actually, I was digging around in the attic the other day and found some of the negatives," Dad said. "I was thinking of finding a place to get them developed… maybe digitize they wouldn't get lost? Edward, do you know anything about that?"

"I have a few friends from college that specialize in it, actually," I grinned.

"You wouldn't!" Alice shrieked.

"Oh, you and Jasper could do what Rose and Emmett did at their wedding with the photo montage!" Mom clapped. "Tell me, Jasper, does your mother have any pictures of you potting training because we have the cutest picture of Alice on her pink little…"

"Mother!" Alice glowered.

"You know Dad, maybe when you're done digitizing all of those pictures of Alice you found Mom can upload them to Facebook," I grinned.

"That's a wonderful idea!" Mom beamed.

"I am never speaking to you again," Alice hissed at me.

"How was Rose and Emmett's honeymoon?" Dad asked Bella.

"Went really well," Bella said. "They're glad to be back now, though. They're both still relatively nervous about the pregnancy and making sure everything's ready, but Rose said she thinks things will calm down when the baby arrives…" Mom and Dad both burst into laughter.

"That isn't the case," Dad laughed.

"Oh, heavens no," Mom shook her head before turning to Dad. "Remember what you said to me after Edward was born? That now we'd finally get some peace and quiet?"

"Yes," Dad laughed turning back to me. "You were so quiet at the hospital, but once we brought you home it was as if you hated your crib and screamed any time we brought you near it."

"That only lasted two weeks, thankfully, before you learned that night was for sleeping," Mom sighed.

"I thought I was the easy one," I frowned.

"You were compared with your sister," Dad said.

"Hey! I resent that!" Alice huffed.

"Alice, dear, you always were a rather… willful child," Mom shrugged. "She had to be held constantly until she could crawl. And every morning she would wake up and then promptly throw anything that wasn't nailed down out of her crib… toys, pillows, blankets… once her diaper… it was a mess!"

"Mother!" Alice huffed.

"Of course, Edward did have a penchant for flushing things when he discovered how the toilet worked," Dad pointed out. "Remember? Your pearl necklace, my gold watch… my wallet… my first pair of really pricey shoes… Alice's pacifier…though it wouldn't go down… Good thing we got to him before he tried to put it back in her mouth…"

"Older brothers are so mean," Alice nodded.

"Yeah, will little sisters scream a lot. And loudly," I rolled my eyes at her.

"Well, I should check on the roast," Mom said, standing up.

"I'll help," Bella nodded, jumping up and going with her. Alice turned to me as soon as they were gone.

"So, did Bella really make you drive Tanya to the hospital?" Alice inquired.

"Bella was in the backseat with her," I rolled my eyes.

"Dad said Tanya was having a fight with Bella when you pulled up," Alice said.

"And to think I always thought you got your penchant for gossiping form mom," I said, eyeing my father who was quietly sipping his scotch and looking away from us.

"I can't believe the nerve of her!" Alice huffed. "Showing up like that! Thinking that she'd give you one look and you'd be at her beck and call!"

"It's over, Ali," I rolled my eyes. "It was a weird thing that happened, yeah, but it's done."

"I don't think I could do that," Alice shook her head.

"Good thing all my exes live in Texas," Jasper grinned at her. Alice snorted and rolled her eyes at him.

"There really wasn't much time to think about it," I said. "I mean, when you see someone about to give birth to a baby on a sidewalk, you don't really think about them being your ex or things like that."

"I guess," Alice grimaced.

"Supper's ready!" Mom called from the kitchen, ending what I knew would continue to be an uncomfortable line of questioning from my sister.

I wasn't sure if to be thankful to my mother or annoyed at her for bringing up how Alice's wedding planning was going. Apparently, she was nearly complete making her own dress and had decided designing it and sewing it herself was much easier than she had anticipated. And since she had such a hard time finding exactly what she wanted in a wedding dress, Alice seriously doubted there would be a reproduction company that would be able to follow her exact specifications on bridesmaids' dresses as well. That meant that Alice was now going to sew all of those dresses as well. I could tell that Bella was looking forward to her first measuring session. Jasper was at least nice enough to tell me all he needed was for Alice to measure me and send off the measurements to the company making the Confederate uniforms of the groomsmen who didn't already have them. I had a feeling that might just be me and me alone.

I was lost in my own thoughts on the drive home that night until I realized Bella hadn't said anything either. Usually, visiting with my family got her energized and she would talk to me about her week ahead at work or about upcoming plans she had with the family. To be perfectly honest, I didn't always listen a hundred percent to everything Bella said on these drives home and not just because I was focusing on driving. However, the sound and soothing tones of her voice were always comforting, even if she wasn't talking to me. I looked over to see her leaning against the door of the car, a sad look upon her face. I didn't like it.

"Are you okay?" I asked her. Bella looked at me for a second and then offered me a sad smile.

"Yeah," Bella said, but not convincingly.

"What's wrong?" I wanted to know. Bella sighed and sat up.

"I was just thinking about Bella," she said.

"Um… what?" I said, confused. Bella laughed.

"Baby Bella," she said.

"Sorry. You do understand why that's a little confusing right?" I said. "I thought you were veering off into talking in third person for a minute there…" Bella laughed again.

"No," Bella shook her head. "Though there are definite similarities there…"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, my parents didn't have the best relationship by the time I was born," Bella said. "My mom thought my dad had trapped her."

"Isn't the stereotype about the woman getting pregnant to trap the man?" I said.

"Yeah, but Renee was convinced Charlie tried to get her pregnant on purpose because he wanted to stay in Forks, have the white picket fence, the kids and the whole deal," Bella shrugged. "Renee… Renee wanted to do whatever Renee wanted to do and getting married and having a baby at eighteen wasn't exactly on her to-do list. Of course, as far as the blame game, I'd say Renee was probably more at fault. It's a wonder she and my dad didn't get pregnant earlier."

"You're thinking Tanya's going to be a bad mom?" I asked curiously.

"Actually, I was comparing my mom and Royce," Bella said with a shrug. "Mom had moved out before I was even a year old. She and Dad were divorced before I was two and I didn't really see her again until she showed up three months after I had turned six thinking it was my birthday. I mean, you think a woman wouldn't forget the day she spent twenty hours in labor, but apparently Renee did. I didn't really see her that much until I was twelve and suddenly I was more of a grownup and she wanted to be involved in my life. But Renee has never really wanted to be a mom. She's always wanted to be a pal."

"And you're thinking that Royce is going to show up fifteen or so years from now wanting to be in Baby Bella's life all of a sudden," I nodded.

"Either that or just to date her friends," Bella snorted. "I mean, Royce is a pretty rotten guy, but that doesn't mean Baby Bella doesn't deserve some kind of father figure in her life. It was hard for me to make it without a maternal figure, sure, but there is a lot of stuff a girl needs her daddy for, too. And it's going to be a real challenge for someone like Tanya to raise a kid all by herself. You are right about Tanya and Renee being similar."

"I can't see Tanya as a mother," I shook my head. "I've never seen her give two shits about anyone other than herself. I'm afraid of what might happen the first time the kid spits up on an expensive blouse of hers or something."

"I just feel so sorry for her, you know?" Bella sighed. "Baby Bella didn't exactly sign up for this."

"We don't pick our parents," I shrugged. "But if you went through all that and turned out to be the wonderful woman you are today, I think Baby Bella has a fair chance of doing the same."

"I hope so," Bella sighed.


	65. Chapter 65

**BPOV**

I couldn't believe that I was late to work Monday morning. I had never been late a day in my life and now that I was under Victoria's management the last thing I wanted to do was be late. She seemed like the type to pick someone apart for an infraction like that. Edward didn't mind me taking the car, but he did insist we start looking into getting me a vehicle of my own just in case. I grumbled the entire way to work since my lateness was all his fault anyway. He had assured me he had woken me up early enough to have his wicked way with me before work but whatever it was he had done with his tongue and his hips had taken much longer than anticipated, causing me to be late. And I was pretty sure "having sex with my boyfriend" was not a good reason to give your boss for being late.

As I predicted, Victoria was waiting for me at my desk when I rushed in ten minutes after I was supposed to be there. For a moment I thought it was a little said that she seemed to be waiting for an opportunity for me to screw up so she could lash into me. However, the site of her hair pulled in a tight bun, her angry grimace and her five-inch stiletto heels angrily tapping as she waited for me were enough to jar any emotions but fear out of my system. Kristie and Kim were doing their best to look occupied and act as if Victoria wasn't around, though I could see in the few times they made brief eye contact with me that they were worried. For someone who was usually late to work herself, Victoria was definitely playing the part of a major stickler for punctuality.

"You are late," Victoria said to me disgustedly.

"I'm sorry," I said. "Traffic…"

"There is traffic every morning," Victoria hissed. "I would expect you to remain at least some level of professionalism by showing up to work on time."

"This is the first time I've ever been…" I began.

"There are plenty of people who want this job, Bella," Victoria continued.

"I promise, it won't happen again," I assured her. Victoria looked down her nose at me with a snort.

"I'll see it when I believe it," Victoria snorted.

"Oh, come off it Vick," Kristie said angrily shooting up from her desk. "Bella is on average fifteen minutes early to work every day while you are hardly ever here on time. And you leave earlier than anyone else in this office! I don't know why you're always singling her out! You are the only editor at this entire magazine that treats her staff like they're lower than shit on the bottom of her shoes!"

"You sit your fat ass back down before I fire it," Victoria shouted at her.

"You can't talk to her like that!" Kim shot up angrily. "Especially not since she's right! You belittle us and you treat us like dirt and you shoot down all of our ideas and then make us work on your idiotic ones. And when things don't go your way you blame us and you are always sabotaging other department heads to make yourself look better! If Irina new everything you did there is no way…"

"I don't have time for your bullshit," Victoria cut her off before turning back to me. "You are coming with me into my office to discuss your punishment."

"Punishment? For the being late?" I gaped.

"Yes," Victoria sneered at me. "Are you retarded?"

"You can't just say that to someone!" Kristie shrieked.

"What did I tell you, fat ass?" Victoria hissed at her.

"Victoria, you've really crossed a line," I informed her. "I'm sure Emily and Irina wouldn't appreciate you treating us this way and I'm definitely sure this is against corporate policy for you to…"

"If I wanted Irina's little bitch's opinion I would ask for it," Victoria hissed at me. "My office. _Now_."

"I would prefer if you took a minute or so to calm down before we talk," I said, hoping to diffuse some of her anger. "I don't think you're in the right frame of mind…"

"Get the fuck in my office," Victoria shrieked.

"Vic…I…" I began before feeling a sharp sensation against my face. My hands went to my cheek and I realized Victoria had slapped me at about the same Victoria seemed to realize what she had done.

"What is going on here?" Irina asked angrily. Victoria, Kim, Kristie and I all turned in unison, finding Irina and Emily both standing there. The same shock the four of us had was mirrored on Emily's face though Irina just seem furious. "Victoria. My office. _Now_."

Victoria looked like she was about to protest at being given the same order she had just given me minutes ago. She opened her mouth and closed it a few times like a fish before nodding and following Irina to her office. Emily, in turn, took Kim, Kristie and I aside into her office individually to get our sides of the story. I had to go first as I obviously had a big red bruise in the shape of Victoria's hand across my face. I didn't realize one of the rings on Victoria's fingers had drawn blood until Emily offered me a bandage and some tissue from her desk. I explained my story as carefully as I could, a little nervous I might be in trouble to.

"I mean, I try to be punctual," I said. "This is the first time I've ever been late and I promise it won't happen again…"

"Bella, your tardiness this morning is not the issue here. You aren't in trouble," Emily shook her head. "Being late by a few minutes isn't a big deal as long as you show up and are willing to stay a little extra to make up the time you missed. Victoria – of all people – should know that."

"I just… It may not be fair to say, but I feel like she's had it out for me," I admitted. "I don't know what I did to make her hate me, but she's never liked me. I mean, she's very critical. I know it's her job as an editor to make sure only the best goes into the magazine, but it seems like she's critical of stuff that doesn't even matter."

"Irina will be speaking to her," Emily shrugged. "In the meantime, I think you should finish up what you're doing here and then head home for the afternoon…"

"But…" I began.

"I think after getting literally slapped around at work you'd appreciate the time off," Emily sighed, obviously exhausted from dealing with Victoria herself. "If I were you, I'd go home and take a nice long bubble bath."

"Okay," I nodded, getting ready to leave her office.

"Please ask Kristie to come in," Emily said, massaging her temple. "I need to get all of your sides of the stories for the report I'm going to have to submit."

"Report?" I gaped.

"Whenever there is an incident like this, we have to file proper documentation to avoid a lawsuit," Emily said.

"I'm not going to sue you guys. It's not your fault what Victoria did," I said.

"No, but Victoria might sue. She's the type," Emily said.

"Sue for what?" I asked.

"This doesn't leave the office," Emily instructed me. I nodded. "Irina is firing Victoria right now. Physically assaulting another employee is a fireable offense. We will need to account for what happened. Considering Victoria's history of disciplinary action here, I don't think she will have much of a case for a wrongful dismissal suit, but you can find some skeazy lawyers who will argue anything to the point a jury might believe them. We need our bases covered."

"I'm sorry you have to deal with this," I said to Emily.

"Right back at you," Emily smiled meekly.

After completing out interviews with Emily, Kim, Kristie and I worked in silence for the rest of the morning, not really sure what to say or do. Thirty minutes after she was taken into Irina's office, Victoria had to be forcibly removed by security out of the building. I learned later that Victoria, unable to sweet talk her way back into Irina' good graces, had lunged across the table to attack Irina. We tried not to say anything as we heard Victoria cussing as she was drug out of the building. It was soon after that I had to leave for the day.

Of course, as I headed home Monday afternoon I was less preoccupied with what had sent Victoria into a slap-happy rage and more concerned with what I was going to tell Edward when I showed up early and with a splotchy red mark across my face. I was already pretty shaken up myself and nervous about what the incident with Victoria would mean for my career. Though possessive Edward could sometimes be sexy, I seriously doubted him giving Victoria a beat down for hitting me would be a good thing. Knowing I had to face things head on, I walked into the office to find Edward in his usual work-at-home attire: his pajama bottoms, an old t-shirt, his sexy nerd glasses and his hair all over the place sipping a cup of coffee over his computer keyboard. He heard my footsteps and looked up, genuinely surprised.

"What are you doing home so… What's that on your face?" he said.

"Uh… there might have been an incident at work?" I said nervously.

"What kind of incident?" Edward asked, seeming worried but his eyes also darkening with an emotion I couldn't read.

"Victoria sort of… flew off the handle… and she was really mad… and she hit me," I stuttered out. "Irina fired her and she's no longer in the building and they sent me home because I was 'injured on the job' and Emily told me to take a bubble bath, though I don't think that would help my face…"

"Your boss hit you?" Edward gaped.

"I don't know what is up with her… but she's not my boss any more, I guess, since she lost her job," I shrugged.

"She tried to get you stabbed by a hobo and now she hit you…" Edward shook his head.

"I'm not going to have to deal with her anymore," I assured him.

"Did you at least press assault charges?" Edward said angrily.

"No…" I began.

"Why not?" he demanded to know.

"She's already lost her job," I rolled my eyes. "The company is dealing with it and I don't want to file a personal suit against her…"

"She slapped you and you aren't filing a lawsuit?" Edward shook his head in disgust. He got up from his seat and started heading toward the living room. "I'm calling your Dad. He'll back me up on this…"

"Edward, no," I said, stopping him. "If anyone is going to tell my Dad about this, I want it to be me."

"Fine," Edward said. He reached into my bag, pulled out my phone and handed it to me. "Call your Dad. Now."

"You are overreacting…" I began.

"Your boss slapped you. I don't think this is an overreact," Edward said tersely. "An overreaction would be tracking her down and running her over repeatedly with my car. Now, call your dad."

I sighed, but I knew there was no way Edward was going to let me out of the home office until I called my dad and told him. I knew Edward was probably right that Charlie the Cop would back him up on the whole lawsuit thing. I glared at Edward was my father's secretary transferred me into his office. Charlie, being himself, was immediately suspicious as to why I was calling him in the middle of the day.

"What's wrong, Bells? It's not _that boy_ is it?" Dad asked annoyed.

"Edward's fine," I rolled my eyes. "He's actually the one who made me call you. Uh… something happened at work today."

"What happened?" Dad asked curiously.

"My boss… apparently she's having some anger management issues and…" I said, not sure how to get it out. "AndshefreakedoutIwaslateands lappedme…. But you can barely notice the mark and…"

"Your boss hit you?" Dad asked.

"Yes," I sighed.

"Did you hit her back?" Dad asked curiously.

"Daddy! What? No! I was really too in shock to register what had happened…" I began.

"Why didn't you hit her back?" Dad huffed. "I taught you better than that, Bells."

"Dad, Irina walked in right then. She fired Victoria," I sighed. "Edward things I should press charges but…"

"Damn right," Dad said. "I know some guys on the Seattle PD. I could make a call and have them over there…"

"Dad, I'm not going to press charges," I said. "The company has to do an investigation and I think…"

"Put Edward on the phone," Dad said. I sighed and handed the phone over. Edward and my dad chatted for a few minutes about how I was stubborn and they probably weren't going to get their way before Edward handed the phone back to me. "You should really consider pressing charges, Bells. Make sure this woman stays away from you."

"I'll be fine," I sighed. "I should let you get back to work…"

"I'm still calling my buddies in Seattle to do a check on this woman," Dad informed me.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night," I sighed.

"You take care, Bells," Dad said.

"Bye, Daddy," I sighed before turning to Edward in annoyance.

"See. I told you he agreed with me," Edward said triumphantly.

"Oh, yeah, you're Charlie's best bud now," I snorted. "Wait until I call him after we've had a fight though. See if he'll be in your corner then." Edward laughed and then threaded his arms around me.

"So… you have the whole afternoon off to just laze around?" Edward asked.

"Pretty much," I said as he began to kiss my neck. "You think you can get off too?"

"Oh, I plan on getting off," Edward smirked at me. "But yeah, I think my boss will give me a break for the rest of the afternoon."

Later that night, Kristie called me to give me the update on the Victoria situation. Security was tasked with going through Victoria's office and boxing up all of her personal effects to send to her. When they opened up her bottom desk drawer, they found tons of prescription pills in various names. None of us really had any idea Victoria was popping pills and Kristie and Kim later told me Irina called in Seattle's finest to hand over the pills in case they needed them for a criminal investigation. It was in the papers a few days later that Victoria and her boyfriend James were arrested for helping operate a pill mill in Seattle.

Dad called me with the same news later, saying I wouldn't have to worry about Victoria turning into a stalker because she was looking a decent stint in jail for her pill issues. I was still having a hard time with the fact that Victoria had been addicted right in front of all of our faces and none of us had noticed. Dad assured me that was par for the course with a lot of addicts, and then he asked me if my can of mace was still full. Even though Victoria was no longer working there, Edward also insisted on driving me to and picking me up from work every day for the next two weeks. I decided to embrace the over protective men in my life if only to prevent me from strangling them.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: One of my great-aunts had a very abusive husband and when he came to my great-grandfather's house and made some threats, another one of my great-aunts broke a Coca-Cola bottle over the end of the kitchen table and threatened to slice his neck open for beating up her sister. Later, Pappaw (my great-grandfather), took Great Aunt Judy aside and said "I taught you better than that."**

**She said: "I'm sorry Daddy. I just lost my temper. I shouldn't have threatened him."**

**Pappaw sai:d "No, I'm not mad at you for threatening him. I'm made because you didn't go through with it."**

** Pappaw believed you should never make a threat you weren't going to carry out.**


	66. Chapter 66

**EPOV**

I was not happy that Bella decided not to press charges against her boss, though it was somewhat of a relief that Victoria was already in jail on other charges. Of course, it wasn't much of a comfort to realize my girlfriend's boss had been a pill-popping she-hag. It was just another one of those things that made me glad I was my own boss. A few weekends later, Alice had assembled her bridesmaids for their measurements and so she could begin getting all of their dresses together for her upcoming wedding in the middle of frigid March. She took my measurements as well so she could order my Confederate uniform and then pushed Jasper and I out of the house for the rest of the day Saturday unless we somehow completely mess up all of her wedding plans.

Being the two of us were kicked out for the afternoon, we decided to call up Emmett as well. Rose was four months pregnant, starting to show and hating it. She had physically assaulted an elderly woman in the grocery store who attempted to pat Rose's protruding belly. Rose apparently broke down in tears in the cereal aisle because everyone thought they could "have their way" with her growing belly. To be fair, Rose had been taken advantage of the "I'm pregnant so I'm eating anything I want" thing, so she had expanded a little bit more than the average woman. Bella said it was the first time since Rose was twelve that she was actually eating a wad of food without obsessively exercising the next few days.

In addition, Rose had signed the two of them up for "parent prep" classes at the hospital, was taking Lamaze and had Emmett running out at all hours of the night to deal with her cravings. He had yet to assemble any of the baby stuff they had bought, and we both knew Emmett was exhausted. If anything, he needed a guy's day out. Emmett was thankful to get out of the house, but noted he was only able to because Rose was shopping with her mom and dad for baby stuff. Rose had apparently given him permission to go out, according to Jasper.

"I can't turn off my phone," Emmett told us as the waiter handed us our beers and a bucket of peanuts. "If Rose calls then I have to go."

"She's not going into labor anytime soon," Jasper rolled his eyes.

"You don't understand pregnant women," Emmett shook his head. "They say jump, you better damn well jump or they'll rip off your balls with their bare hands. It's like being pregnant gives them super strength."

"For the record, you are the same guy who asked Rose for a high-five when she showed you the positive pregnancy test, right?" Jasper snorted.

"Hey, it's not all bad," Emmett shrugged. "The sex is great. Lately Rose has been horny as hell. She made me come home from work in the middle of the day for some lovin'. Pregnancy sex is hot."

"Bella's mom said something to that effect when she came in," I nodded.

"Isn't Renee great?" Emmett laughed. "She fondled my balls when we were first introduced. Rose was livid and Bella about passed out."

"Yeah, she's a little ray of sunshine alright," I snorted. "I'd actually prefer a week's worth of hunting with Charlie than to hang around Renee for another thirty minutes. I mean, what kind of woman asks her daughter's boyfriend about his sperm count?"

"Renee," Emmett shrugged. "And how is the ye olde wedding coming along?"

"Shut it," Jasper growled. "I can't go into two rooms in my own house. There is tulle everywhere… I wish I didn't even know what tulle was… and then she got on the phone with the caterers the other day and freaked out because they didn't want to make the food to the exact 19th Century specifications she wanted… And now she wants to have this ladies tea instead of a bachelorette party and they're going to need costumes for that and… I don't know… I feel like I can't talk to her any more. She's so preoccupied with throwing her dream wedding that she can't think past it. I don't even want to reenact after this. Every time I go out there I'm just going to think of her freaking out because they don't make calico the old-fashioned way anymore…"

"You need to tell her," I told Jasper. "Alice needs to get reined in. Do it now before she gets too out of control and looses herself completely."

"I should have done it weeks ago," Jasper admitted.

"Do it soon," I said. "Because I have a feeling if you don't you're going to freak out, leave her at the altar and then I'm going to have to bail my dad out of jail for killing you because my mother's too upset to do so herself."

"And what do I say to her, huh?" Jasper snorted. "You know what she'll do. I'll tell her she's going overboard, she'll pull the puppy dog eyes and then cry and I'll shut up and do whatever she wants to make her feel better."

"You can't have a marriage like that," Emmett shook his head.

"Oh, you've been married three months and you're an expert?" Jasper snapped.

"Dude, cool it," Emmett said. "I get this is really stressing you out, but honestly, it's a bad precedent. I mean, do you want this to be the rest of your life?"

"Shit," Jasper groaned.

"I'll talk to her, but she'll get mad that you aren't doing it to her face," I offered.

"How about… you just be in the room… like my personal teleprompter or something?" Jasper suggested.

"Alright," I sighed, "but if she goes postal she better rip your head off and not mine."

"You know I can't guarantee shit like that," Jasper snorted.

After some beers, some steaks and Emmett loosing very badly to a 13-year-old kid at Mortal Kombat in the arcade across the street, it was time for all us to head home for the evening. Emmett got a call from Rose asking if he could have an entire cherry pie picked up from the grocery store and sitting on the counter by the time she headed home and Bella asked me to come rescue her before she strangled Alice with the tape measure. Jasper didn't seem particularly anxious to head home. When the two of us arrived, the other bridesmaids quickly made their escape. With no one else around I gave Jasper a look letting him know that I was about to throw him under the bus.

"Alice, Jasper has something he needs to say to you," I told my sister as she scribbled away in her wedding date book.

"Just a sec…" Alice began.

"No, Alice," I said, grabbing the book away from her. "Now."

"What?" Alice asked, annoyed. Jasper gave me a pleading look, but I knew he was going to have to man up.

"It's about the wedding," Jasper said finally.

"I already told you that you can have the donut bachelor cake even if it is completely anachronistic and…" Alice began.

"Alice, shut up an listen," I ordered her.

"What?" Alice spat at me.

"I'm just… I…uh…" Jasper said, nervously. I sighed. He was going to back out.

"Jasper's not happy," I said.

"What?" Alice said, shocked.

"I mean, I'm happy I'm just… thrilled about how… the wedding is… you know… taking over our lives," Jasper explained.

"But it's our wedding," Alice said.

"No, Alice this is your wedding," Jasper shook his head. "It's all big and poofy and with home sewn dresses and everything has to be within the time period and historically accurate… and at first I thought it was a really cool and fun idea, but now it's not fun anymore. It's a lot of work and instead of looking forward to it, now I'm just dreading it…"

"You're dreading our wedding?" Alice shrieked.

"It doesn't need to be… all this…" Jasper said, wildly gesticulating at Alice's wedding book. "We don't have to have lace patterns from the Civil War era. You don't have to hand make bridesmaids dresses with hoopskirts that no one is ever going to wear again! You don't have to require guests to wear costumes!"

"But I want things to be perfect!" Alice said.

"It isn't going to be perfect!" Jasper shot back. "Even if you get all of the dresses and doilies and food and flower topiaries you want, it isn't going to be perfect! My family is still going to drink too much, your aunt is going to feel up all of the ushers, my cousin Maria is probably going to break up at least one marriage during the reception, and there are pretty good odds it's going to snow! You can't control, everything Alice, and by trying to control every single little detail you're just making everyone miserable!"

"I'm making everybody miserable?" Alice said, doing the lip-bite, puppy-dog eye single tear rolling down her cheek thing.

"Yes!" Jasper said, too angry to back down. "Jeez, Alice, I want to marry you not some weird incarnation of Scarlett O'Hara! I want you not mountains of fabric and weird Victorian desserts and… I don't know… I guess I just wish I was as important as your perfect wedding day is."

"Jazz!" Alice exclaimed, looking like he'd cut her to the quick. "I do love you!"

"Well, with all of the 'don't go in this room, Jasper' and 'I can't talk to you because I'm on the other line with the caterers' and the 'I don't want to go out tonight because I've got to sew' it's sort of felt like I'm more of a by-product of getting married rather than the reason for it," Jasper shrugged.

"Oh, Jazzy!" Alice said, her tears flowing now. "I never meant to make you feel that way! I'm so, so, so sorry." She wrapped her arms around him and started crying into his chest. I slowly backed out of the room so they could reconcile in piece.

"Finally got someone to rein her in?" Bella sighed as I met her out on the front porch.

"Yeah," I sighed. "How bad was she today?"

"I was pricked with pins a lot," Bella sighed. "But the good news is my birthing hips are perfect for a hoopskirt. Or so your sister said."

"I'm hoping this talk is what Alice needs to lay off," I sighed. "I would really hate to see her and Jasper break up over this."

"He really thought about breaking it off?" Bella said surprised.

"I don't think he was serious," I shrugged. "I think it was more he thought telling Alice he was breaking it off was the only way she was going to listen to him."

"Promise me you'll never let me get that bad? That is something's bugging you that you'll tell me about it before it gets out of hand?" Bella asked.

"You've got grandiose, circus-like plans for our wedding already?" I teased her.

"No, but a circus theme could be nice," I teased him. "I can be the trapeze artist and you can be a clown. And the minister can dress like a ringleader… Charlie can go as a lion tamer… On second thought, my mother will probably warp it into something perverse."

"Yeah," I nodded. "And clowns kind of creep me out, so that would be a no on a clown costume."

"Clowns creep you out?" Bella laughed.

"Have you ever seen or read 'It' by Stephen King?" I shivered. "And then there's John Wayne Gacy… clowns are not good."

"I like clowns," Bella said.

"I'll compromise. You can have a clown stripper at your circus-themed bachelerotte party," I said.

"Okay, that is creepy," Bella laughed, blushing a little bit. I couldn't help but kiss her.

"So, deal, no circus weddings?" I asked her.

"No circus weddings," Bella grinned.

"Other than that, did the fitting go well?" I asked.

"Yep," Bella grinned. "And let me tell you, I think I look damn fine in a hoopskirt."

I could only wait.


	67. Chapter 67

**BPOV**

Months passed but it seemed like no time had passed at all when Edward and I got a phone call from Emmett's dad very late one snowy February morning. Rose had gone into labor. Emmett apparently had a very funny dream, thought he had peed himself and woke up to find Rose sitting up in the bed in disbelief. Around five in the morning, I found myself crowded into the labor and delivery waiting area at Virginia Mason with Edward, Alice, Jasper, Rose's Dad, both of Emmett's parents and Emmett's very sleepy sister Amber. Edward's dad – who was working the night shift – came up to say hi to everyone before going back to do his rounds.

"How long is this going to take?" Jasper asked Carlisle, who in turn, laughed.

"It depends," Carlisle said. "There really is no set time. Edward here took his sweet time. Guess he was all nice and cozy in there…"

"Dad!" Edward exclaimed in embarrassment.

"Sixteen hours of labor for Esme with that one. And three days after his due date." Carlisle continued, pointing toward Edward. "Now, Alice couldn't wait to make her appearance. It was a miracle we managed to get Esme up to labor and delivery. Doctor didn't make it, so the head nurse and I had to deliver her. She was two weeks early on top of that."

"So, we're going to be here a while?" Jasper sighed.

"Don't worry, son," Rose's dad shrugged. "At least it isn't you in there."

"Amen to that," Emmett's dad agreed, getting a sharp elbow from Emmett's mom.

"I just hope the baby doesn't get too many of Emmett's genes," Amber sighed.

"She's really excited," I said quietly to Edward.

"Yeah, but she wasn't so excited with Emmett's dad suggested she watch the birth," Edward replied. "He thought it would put her off dating for a while, but Emmett's mom said that Rose probably didn't want an audience."

"It's good that Rose's mom is in there, anyway," I shrugged. "At least there will be someone to prevent her from killing Emmett when those pains hit."

It was at six-o-four in the morning on February 8 that little Mary Lillian McCarty made her entrance into the world. Mawmaw, who had come up for the birth, was in the labor room with Rose, her mom and Emmett. It was apparently a family tradition that the first girl in every generation be named "Mary" or some form of that, hence Mawmaw being a Mary and Maria having her name. Lily, as she was to be known, was apparently already charming everyone in her grasp as evidence by Mawmaw's disheveled but blissful appearance in the waiting room before the doctor even came out to let us know it had all gone well.

"She's so purtty!" Mawmaw proclaimed. "She's got her daddy's blue eyes and Rosie's baby bald head!" Jasper busted out laughing at that. Mawmaw whopped Jasper one good for talking laughing at her first great-grandbaby and it took several "yes ma'ams" before Jasper was back in Mawmaw's good graces.

Rose's family went in first to visit the new baby and when her parents, Emmett's parents and Mawmaw left to have a celebratory new grandparents breakfast, Alice, Jasper, Edward and I crept into the hospital room to meet the new baby. Rose seemed the perfect mother, cooing and coddling the little pink bundle in her arms while Emmett's smile was even wider than I had ever thought possible. Amber was leaning over, grinning at her new niece.

"You guys make cute kids," Amber informed her brother. "I can't wait to babysit! Aunt Amber and little Lily are going to get into some real shenanigans!"

"No shenanigans," Emmett said, annoyed.

"See, Lily, when your Daddy is a big stick in the mud you can come to Aunt Amber and she'll let you have fun," Amber cooed at the baby.

"She's not even a few hours old, Amber," Emmett rolled her eyes. "Don't start getting her into trouble already."

"She's your kid, big brother," Amber snorted. "Getting in trouble's probably in her genes."

"Nah," Emmett shook his head.

"She so beautiful," Rose cooed. "I just her peach fuzz gets curly when it grows out."

"Maybe she'll get those Shirley Temple ringlets like you had in all your baby pictures," I teased Rose.

"She'll knock 'em dead," Jasper agreed.

"I just can't wait to put her hair up on the first day of school," Rose said. "And I bet it'll look really pretty when she goes to her prom…"

"Prom?" Emmett gulped.

"Maybe an updo on her wedding day," Rose sighed.

"Wedding?" Emmett choked.

"She's going to be the prettiest girl in the world," Rose grinned.

"Boys," Emmett growled.

"What? You don't want her to grow up and be happy?" Rose huffed.

"She's too young to be thinking about boys or to be around boys," Emmett grimaced.

"Emmett… more than half of the babies in the nursery are boys," I pointed out.

"Excuse me," Emmett said, stomping out of the room.

"What's his problem?" Rose huffed. A few minutes later, we heard shouting down the hallway.

"What do you mean you can't separate the boys and girls in the nursery?" Emmett shouted. "What kind of a maternity ward are you hussies running anyhow?"

"I think Emmett has going to have issues with the concept of Lily dating," I informed Rose. She laughed and went back to snuggling the bundle. Within seconds, a rather large nurse had forced Emmett back into the room and he didn't seem too happy.

"Can you believe those old broads? Accusing me of making a scene!" Emmett huffed.

"Emmett," Rose cautioned him. "They're babies. I don't think we have to worry about Lily in the nursery."

"I still think we should keep her in here," Emmett grimaced.

"She won't even be able to see them!" Rose rolled her eyes.

"Do you think your dad will sell me a gun?" Emmett asked me curiously.

"Emmett!" Rose gasped.

"Probably given the situation," I admitted with annoyance. "He'll probably take you out for target practice too."

"Good," Emmett nodded.

"She can't even do anything on her own yet!" Rose said, annoyed. "I think we should worry about getting her to crawl and walk and potty train before you need to start worrying about boys!"

"Nu-uh, Rose. It all starts in preschool," Emmett shook her head. "I'm getting in as many years of target practice as I can."

"Emmett," Rose growled.

"Now, Rosie, it's a man's right to want to shoot the head off any fella that comes around asking for his baby girl," Jasper pointed out.

"You're a boy and an only child. And you don't have any kids," Rose snorted.

"Fine. Don't believe me? Ask _your _Daddy," Jasper snorted. "Actually, just think about the first time a fella came around to ask you out. How well did he take it then?" Rose grimaced and turned her focus back to the baby.

"Can I hold her?" Alice tittered excitedly.

"Sure," Rose nodded. Alice shrieked with excitement and rushed over to the chair Amber vacated so Alice could sit and hold the baby. I walked over myself to get a better look at Rose's new little one as well.

"She's adorable," I grinned at Rose.

"She's much adorable now than she was a few hours ago when I was in labor," Rose groaned. "But, yeah, in my completely biased opinion she's definitely the cutest baby ever born."

"At least until we have another one," Emmett piped up. Rose glowered at him.

"Maybe you should wait until she's had longer to forget labor pains to bring that up," Edward said to him quietly.

"Uh… Alice," Rose said to her. "Why are you looking at my kid like that?"

Alice was looking down at little Lily like she was the Holy Grail. She shifted her arms back and forth in a slight motion, rocking her gently. Lily sucked her thumb, popped it out, looked up Alice with her big blue eyes and then yawned. She closed her eyes and started drifting off to sleep in Alice's arms. Alice was completely enraptured.

"Uh, Alice," Edward said, hoping to distract his sister.

In response, Alice looked up slowly, her eyes focusing on Jasper. When Jasper's eyes met hers, Alice's eyes got very big and pleading. She was doing the puppy dog thing.

"Shit," Jasper muttered.

"Alice, give the baby back," Edward ordered.

"But she's so cute!" Alice pleaded.

"She's not yours," Edward said.

"I'll take her," I offered, though I was a little nervous about handling the baby on my own.

"But…" Alice pleaded.

"Alice," Jasper warned her. Alice pouted and slowly laid Lily in my arms.

I was nervous. I did all the things you were supposed to like support the head and held on tight. I was terrified I was going to drop the baby and then Rose and Emmett would never speak to me ever again. I would be known as Bella the Baby Dropper and no one would ever want to speak to me ever again. However, Lily didn't seem very nervous about me holding her, taking in relaxed breaths as she continued to sleep. After holding her a bit, I deposited the baby back in Rose's arms. I looked over at Edward to find he had that same sort of blissed out look on his face Alice had when she was holding the baby. I attributed it to something being weird with the Cullen gene.

"Well, we should probably let you guys get some rest," Jasper said.

"Yeah," Edward said, shaking himself out of his reverie. "Bella, you've got to be at work in like two hours, right?"

"Yeah," I yawned. "I might ask if I can come in late though. Kristie's not a stickler for punctuality. I'm so glad she got Victoria's job."

We all said our goodbyes to Emmett, Rose, Amber and the baby and then headed out. The entire way out of the hospital Jasper and Alice were talking in hushed tones, mainly with Jasper explaining to Alice that they were only getting married in a month's time and maybe starting a family immediately might not be the best idea. Alice was using words like "so cute" and "snuggly."

"I think your sister has baby fever," I whispered to Edward.

"Huh? What?" Edward said, his thoughts off somewhere else.

"I said I think your sister wants a baby now that she's held Rose's," I said. "Jasper better make sure she's taking her pills and not poking holes in the condoms."

"Yeah, Alice pretty much gets what she wants," Edward shrugged. "I just hope she doesn't do a Civil War themed baby shower for herself."

"It's one day," I reminded him.

"No, it is one very cold night and the following day," Edward shook his head. "I'm going to be too cold with hypothermia to remember where I am."

"I'll secretly pack you one of those astronaut blankets," I said. "And if anyone bugs you about it, I'll come pick you up and then drop you off the next morning."

"Thanks," Edward said.

"What's up?" I asked him worriedly as we made our way to the parking garage. "You seem… distant…"

"Huh?" Edward said.

"Yeah. Just proved my point," I said. "If you're tired, maybe I should drive."

"I'm not tired," Edward shook his head.

"Then what is it?" I asked.

"Seeing you… with Lily… I don't know… it was nice," Edward shrugged embarrassedly.

"Nice?" I repeated.

"It was cute," Edward admitted. "I mean… It was… You do really well with kids."

"I was terrified the entire time I was holding her," I admitted. "I was scared I was going to drop her or something."

"Nah," Edward disagreed. "You were a natural."

"I still think I'm going to wait until Lily grows up a bit before I start carrying her around long-term," I shrugged.

"So, we're going to be babysitting?" Edward asked.

"Rose did make me promise we'd watch Lily after her one month birthday so she and Emmett could have some grown up time," I shrugged.

"It's weird thinking Emmett has a kid," Edward said.

"It's weird thinking Rose has a kid. Not that she hasn't always wanted to be a mom, but I don't think it was in her plans to have one before she turned twenty-five," I replied.

"Plans change," Edward said, giving me a sidelong look.

"I think I want to have fun being Aunt Bella for a while before having any kids," I told him. "I mean, when Lily poops or screams I can just hand her back to Rose and Emmett. I don't have to take the stink and sleepless nights home with me."

"Good point," Edward shrugged.

"But, you know… someday," I shrugged. Edward looked over at me and grinned.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Someday."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: The next chapter will be somewhat of an epilogue. I also have a few outtakes I am working on. **


	68. Chapter 68

**EPOV**

Alice's big day started out as a mess. The problems the week before the wedding when Jasper's cousin Maria – who Alice had unfortunately gotten stuck with as a bridesmaid – showed up pregnant by an unknown father without telling anyone. She no longer fit into her custom made hoopskirt ensemble and there wasn't enough fabric leftover to let it out for her protruding belly. Some distant cousin of ours who's name I could remember was shoved into Maria's dress at the last second and, after blowing up at Jasper, Alice, and Jasper's folks that she wasn't included due to her premarital pregnancy, Maria hitched the first plane back to Texas. It was actually sort of a relief for all of us.

Things only got worse when all of us in the groom's party overslept on account of there were no alarm clocks during the Civil War. An hour late, we all rushed from our camp site to the area where we were set to get ready before the wedding. For what it was worth, Jasper really did look like he had just returned from war with his grass stained pants and exhausted look. Then the thunderstorm hit. Electricity was knocked out to both of the buildings where we were supposed to get ready and one of the tents erected to cover the guests in the event of foul weather blew down. The rain did lessen, but it rained right up until five minutes before Alice was due to walk down the aisle.

I was a little nervous about how Alice would react to the fact that her wedding seemed to be getting completely out of control. Being the control freak we all knew and loved, I wasn't sure that Alice would be able to handle how things were happening without a meltdown. Jasper seemed pretty nervous himself and dispatched me in full Confederate gear to where the girls were gathered to make sure Alice wasn't having second thoughts. I rolled my eyes, but did what I needed to do. I found the girls getting ready by candlelight. Though she was a control freak, I had to admit Alice had a contingency plan for everything.

"What are you doing here?" Alice asked me curiously as Mom helped style up her hair.

"Jasper wanted me to make sure that you showed up," I rolled my eyes.

"Oh! He's nervous! How adorable!" Mom grinned.

"It's not so adorable when you're in the middle of it," I rolled my eyes. "I thought I'd just come and make sure before he finally broke down and accepted the flask Peter keeps pushing into his hands."

"Hold on," Alice said. She grabbed a napkin, scrawled something on it in lipstick and then kissed it before handing it to me. "Give this to Jasper."

"I'm a glorified carrier pigeon," I snorted, folding it up and putting it in one of my uniform pockets.

"You look sweet as a little soldier," Mom informed me. I rolled my eyes.

"So… where's Bella?" I asked, peaking around.

"She's getting ready with everyone else," Alice said. "Now get back to Jasper before he has a fit!"

"But…" I began.

"Shoo!" Mom ordered. I huffed at the two of them and made my way back across the field to where us guys were supposed to be getting ready.

I found Peter taking another swallow full of his flask before passing it off to Jasper's dad who in turn shared it with the rest of the groom's party. It was offered to me and I waved it off before handing Jasper the napkin message Alice has asked me to give him. He grinned, tucked it safely into his pocket and then looked around at the rest of us.

"Alright, fellas, time for me to get hitched!" Jasper proclaimed.

The rain stopped battering down on the tent the ushers and set up people had just re-erected right as we were set to walk into it. I was glad there was no snow, though I had a feeling the only reason why it hadn't snowed on our campout the night before is because the precipitation waited until just before Alice's ceremony to pour down. The quartet consisting of a harpist, piano, violin and flute started playing the wedding march music and the entire ceremony thing began. Mom and Jasper's mother were sat first followed by Meemaw, who was busting with pride as Jasper's cousin Logan lacklusterly led her down the aisle. I was glad when the bridesmaid's finally started making their way. Bella was lined up with me thankfully, and I held my breath waiting for her to make her appearance.

Though I thought she and my sister were just ribbing me, I realized they were right when they said Bella had the perfect childbearing hips for a hoopskirt. She looked damn fine, though I wasn't looking forward to all the ribbons, ties and buttons that we would have to undo later. However, she looked beautiful with her hair up, her cheeks slightly flushed and her pretty bouquet of flowers. I had to say, though, the best site was the glistening ring on her left ring finger.

As cliché as it sounded, I had asked Bella to marry me on Valentine's Day. It was our first Valentine's Day together and, even though we had only been together eleven months, I just knew that she was the one for me. Beforehand, I took a nerve-wracking solo trip to Forks to ask for Charlie's blessing. I stayed there all day Saturday, fishing with him, hanging out at the dinner and finally, right before I was due to leave, he let me know it was alright. He even gave me a an old family ring, a unique and antique sapphire set with diamonds from the 1910.s I thought it was perfect for Bella and it didn't even need to be sized. Exhausted but pleased, I headed back to Seattle only for Bella to ask why I was suddenly going on weekend long man dates with her father. She got her answer a few weeks later.

Thankfully, neither Bella nor I wanted a big to-do like Alice's wedding. There would be no costumes and I think there were less than 100 people on the guest list. Bella's one request was that we get married at the little white church in Forks, which I had no problem with. Renee was less than ecstatic about flying back to Forks, let alone spending several hours in the same room as Charlie, but she was going to put up with it so she could have a full day of attention as mother of the bride. Bella had apparently picked up a cute white wedding dress at a vintage shop she had gone to with Alice, and even though Alice was still trying to convince her to plunk down a couple hundred on something poofier. We were set for the first weekend in June since there weren't that many weddings happening in the small town of Forks and though the Lodge in Forks was a popular reception destination there was by no means a waiting list. Once Alice's wedding was over, the two of us had two months to get everything together for our own celebration.

I was so focused on Bella that I barely acknowledged my father and sister entering the tented area. Dad seemed pretty proud and Alice had a few tear drops. Her eyes were completely focused on Jasper, who looked ready to just run down the aisle and meet her. Peter put his hand on Jasper's shoulder, as if to remind him to stay put. Alice had gotten over having a perfect wedding thanks to her talk with Jasper months before. Today the two of them just seemed to be happy to be together. The ceremony went by in a blur, and before I knew it the minister was telling them to kiss. Jasper dipped Alice back and there was a kiss I was certain no one could have gotten away with in public during the 1800s. Finally, I got to put Bella's arm through mine.

"How was the camp out?" Bella teased me.

"Sucked, but I'd do it again to see you looking like this," I grinned.

"Ugh," Bella rolled her eyes. "You know Alice made us wear corsets under this? I mean, my boobs look fantastic, but it's so hard to breathe."

"I'll help you take it off later," I said to her, wiggling my eyebrows.

"I'm holding you to that," Bella said. "You'll probably be too exhausted after undoing all of these buttons to do anything worthwhile."

"Now it's my mission to prove you wrong," I smirked.

"Looking forward to it," Bella grinned.

Alice's reception was pretty busy and even though not everyone was proficient in the traditional dances Alice had originally wanted things went pretty well. Of course, as part of her efforts to show Jasper she wanted the wedding to be as much his as hers she finally broke down and agreed to let Jasper plug in his iPod and play some more modern music on a playlist he had made especially for the wedding. It was well worth seeing Alice attempt to do the electric slide in a hoopskirt. Seeing my usually tightly-wound baby sister loosen up a bit was great and knowing that Jasper would be there to bring out the fun side of things for her for the rest of their lives together was a comfort.

With the dancing, cake cutting, pictures and everything else the two of them had planned done, Alice and Jasper rode off in a Texas-sized Hummer limo Jasper had rented without telling anyone. Suffice to say, his cousins were not pleased that all of the old shoes, cans, condoms and other paraphernalia they had stuck to Jasper's car wouldn't be used. Rose and Emmett left shortly after to pick up baby Lily from Emmett's parents. Though Emmett said Rose was having a hard time with the separation, I noticed he was the one currently on his phone asking for baby updates during the reception.

Not long after Alice and Jasper had ridden off into the sunset, the Whitlock and Cullen families decided to let loose with the alcohol. It took less than thirty minutes before Aunt Jane was cuddling up to Jasper's twin cousins and my mother was drunkenly giggling as my father shifted her back and forth on the dance floor. Jasper's parents were making out like teenagers at their table and Mawmaw and Pappaw were polishing off any of the uneaten shrimp cocktail. Peter had taken his cousin Logan into the men's room to throw up the entire bottle of champagne he had chugged, thinking no one was looking. It was about this time I looked over at Bella, who was leaning sleepily against me, and began to wonder why we were still at the reception and not at home figuring out how to undo her corset.

"You wanna go home? Let loose?" I grinned at her.

"Yes," Bella groaned. "Get me out of his corset."

"You didn't even have to ask," I smirked. Bella rolled her eyes and pulled me up out of the chair with her.

"You know, this was a lot of fun," Bella said. "Though I don't think your extended family is as crazy as you think. Just wait until we get married and you meet my dad's crazy cousin Phyllis who collects hair from prison inmates."

"As long as she doesn't ask us to install a sex swing, I think I'll manage," I teased her. "And it's good to know the Cullens haven't scared you off from becoming one of us…"

"You make it sound like it's a secret club," Bella teased.

"I'll teach you the secret handshake at home," I wiggled my eyebrows. Bella laughed and then kissed me.

"We should say bye to your folks," Bella pointed out.

"Sure," I said. We managed to wave over Mom and Dad to let them know we were heading out. Mom hugged Bella and, now that Alice was married, Mom's focus seemed to turn to helping Bella with our upcoming nuptials. It was easy to see Esme Cullen was eager to see both of her kids settled.

"You know, son, you're very lucky to have that one," Dad told me, taking me aside.

"Yeah," I smirked. "Thanks for introducing us." Dad laughed a little.

"Just make sure you treat her right so you don't almost loose her and end up meeting a girl your son's age on an internet dating website," Dad cautioned me.

"Yeah, yeah," I laughed. "Thanks for setting us up, by the way."

"About time," Dad smirked. Bella came back to my side and after I gave my mother a brief hug, we waved to my parents and headed on our way.

"What were you and your dad teasing each other about?" Bella asked.

"Nothing really," I smiled. "Just how lucky I am to have you. I mean, it's not every day your Dad sets you up with your future wife."

"I'm never going to live it down, am I?" Bella laughed.

"Maybe not," I said. "Now, let's go home and get you out of that corset."

"Best idea I've heard all day."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Well, this is the end, though I do have three outtakes written to be posted at later dates. I have also posted my new story "Seventeen Minutes" for those who are interested, but I will warn it is a completely different tone and subject than this story. Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed and made my day with their interest in this story! You guys rock!**


	69. Outtake 1: Esme Gets A Facebook

**Outtake: Esme Gets A Facebook**

I was surprised to find we had beat Alice and Jasper there that evening, but mom was quick to tell us Alice had a bridal shower that afternoon that had run over. Mom and Dad were both quick to wish me a happy birthday and then thrilled when Bella and I announced them we were moving in together. Before I knew it, Mom had placed a laptop in my lap and, intrigued, Bella took the seat on the other side of mom to watch my attempt at helping my mother.

"So, what do I do?" Mom asked.

"First, you need to enter your email address," I instructed her after pulling up the register page and typing in her name.

"Do I have to?" Mom scrunched up her nose. "Aren't you not supposed to give out personal information like that?"

"Yes, but in order to register you have to enter your email address," I sighed.

"Okay," Mom frowned. "And then I have to make a password?"

"Yes," I nodded.

"Do I have to list my birthday?" Mom frowned. "I don't want people to know how old I am…"

"It's to show you aren't some twelve year old or a fake person," I sighed. "Just put it in, okay?"

"Maybe I should shave a few years off…" Mom began.

"I think people would be able to tell something was up, Mom," I shook my head. "After all, Alice and I put our real birthdays."

"Fine," Mom grimaced. It registered and her page came up asking for her likes and dislikes. "Ooh! What's all this?"

"You don't have to do it now, but we can proceed if you want," I said. "You put in your interests… jobs you've held, where you went to school, where you live…."

"Why do I need to do all that?" Mom frowned.

"That way it can help you find people you might know," I explained. "You know, old co-workers and classmates… People who lived in the same area as you. Things like that."

"Okay," Mom said. "And the interests?"

"That's just to show people what you like and to recommend pages for you that you might like," I replied. "Like, you can fan author pages and find out the latest news about authors you like or you can become a fan of a local restaurant and get coupons or learn what their specials are for the week."

"Seems complicated," Mom frowned.

"It really isn't," I assured her.

"Ooh! I want to include my family," Mom said. She began typing Dad's name in and a little search bar popped up with every other Carlisle in Washington state. "What's it doing Edward! What's happening?"

"If Dad had a page, you could connect to his page so when people saw you are married, they could click on the link and go to Dad's page to see who you were married to," I said.

"But your father doesn't have a Facebook," Mom frowned.

"Here," I said, moving down and typing Alice's name in. Her name and the picture of her and Jasper popped up and I sent a request.

"What did you do?" Mom asked.

"I just sent a friend request to Alice for you," I explained. "When she accepts, you'll be able to see her page and you will see her information pop up."

"Do it again," Mom said. I sighed and began typing in my own name. "Oooh! Your name popped up!"

"Yeah," I said, trying not to roll my eyes.

"Aw, that's an adorable picture of you and Bella!" Mom grinned.

"Rose took it," Bella informed her.

"Now, you've sent me a friend request and when I get back home I'll accept it," I continued.

"So… how do I connect with people who aren't family?" Mom asked.

"Um… I don't know… is there someone from high school or something you might want to friend?" I asked curiously.

"I can think of a few names," Mom nodded.

"Okay, then just click up here in the search bar and type their name…" I began.

"Ooh! Cecilia!" Mom giggled as the name popped up.

"Who is she?" Bella asked as the page of a woman about mom's age popped up.

"Oh, Cecilia Bennett Myers… she was my best friend in school… back when she was Cecilia Bennett," Esme said, scrolling down the page. "Cici and I were inseparable… Well, at least until I started dating… anyway… she married Max Bennett who was the son of the furniture salesman in town… my, my they've had a lot of boys…"

I glanced over the pictures and saw Cici Bennett surrounded by her five sons. All of them were big and brawny like Emmett while their mother was petite with a heart-shaped face. I couldn't imagine so many big guys coming from such a little woman. I hoped they had been smaller as babies. Mom scrolled around and then found the "add friend" button.

"Do I just push this?" Mom asked.

"Yep," I nodded. "And if you want, you can send her a message, too."

"Oh fun!" Mom cheered.

After sending the friend request, Mom typed in the message. She let Cici know it was Esme Platt from Roosevelt High and then made some inside joke about locker room spying I didn't want to understand. Mom went back to her Facebook page and was delighted to see the little "People You May Know" feature at the top of the corner.

"Ooh! It's all my old high school friends!" Mom said excitedly as she clicked and began scrolling down. She was clicking indiscriminately and I was afraid I was going to have to lecture her about over-friending or just friending random people who might gain access to her personal information. "Oh, Dawn Hayes was such a sweetheart. And Timmy Burnes… you wouldn't be able to tell it now but he was a major hunk in school…"

I pulled a face, looking at the balding man with a huge paunch and wearing a lime green and yellow plaid blazer. He looked like a used car salesman. He probably was a used car salesman. I couldn't see any hint that he had been anything remotely resembling "a hunk" when he was younger. If anything, he looked like he had been old and rotund his entire life.

"And Cheryl Matz… she was my lab partner freshman year," Mom snickered. "It's a wonder Ms. Kintzer didn't kick us out of class for all the hijinx we got into…"

"Oh, I'm sure you were a model student, Esme," Bella assured her.

"Appearances can be deceiving my dear," Mom said. "I could be a bit of a troublemaker when I wanted too. Oh… Michelle Vincilli… what a bitch!"

"Mom!" I groaned as Mom clicked on the woman's Facebook page.

"Divorced… no surprise there… David never could keep it in his pants, not even in high school," Mom muttered.

"Mom!" I said, annoyed.

"Well, it's true!" Mom snorted. "He did half the cheer team and all the girls on the student council… There is no way Michelle's hair is still that same color blonde. I bet she dyes it… and hello boob job…"

"Mom!" I groaned. "This is not the purpose of Facebook."

"Your father and I saw that Social Media movie or whatever it was," Mom snorted. "And Mark Zingleberger or whatever his name in invented this to get back at his girl and those… very scrumptious twins…"

"Mom!" I said, ready to take the laptop from her. "I don't think it's exactly healthy for you to be comparing your life to the people you knew in high school…"

"Then what's the point of school reunions?" Mom huffed. "Oh, look, Michelle's daughter's profile picture has a bong in it. She must be so proud…"

"What would Dad say if he could see you right now?" I huffed.

"He's probably want to know if Tad Bryer still had a crush on me," Mom smirked. "Which reminds me…"

Mom quickly typed in Vera Schneck's name and I rolled my eyes as the picture of the woman showed up.

"That's Dad's ex-girlfriend?" I marveled.

"I know, right? She's had a brow lift too many, that one," Mom snorted.

"She kind of looks like an alien," Bella whispered. She was right. The woman had cat like eyes and lips too plump to be natural.

"I still don't know what Carlisle ever saw in her," Mom said, scrolling down the unrestricted page. "Look at this! All her status updates are either Bible quotes are talking about how she's going out to single's nights at the bar! And hello muffin top! A woman of her age should not be wearing… what is that? Is that a tube top? Ugh! And those _short shorts_! Winter is coming you hag!"

"Mom!" I groaned.

"And look at her son Ryan," Mom snorted. "He's a few years younger than you. She apparently found another doctor to knock her up when she found out your father had gotten married… obviously, the woman doesn't know how to raise a child."

I looked over at Ryan, who had black spiked hair, a zillion tattoos and giant plugs in his ear with a ring through his nose like a bull. He had his arm around a woman who seemed even tinier than Alice and was wearing a t-shirt from a high school fun-run. Ryan was holding a beer and looked like he'd smoked a joint or two before the shot was taken.

"Is that his sister?" Bella asked.

"That's his girlfriend," Mom snorted. "Her name is Ashlee and she's seventeen. Still in high school. And Ryan is presently in between fast food jobs. I can't believe the cops in Illinois aren't all over this. He's eight years older than she is and she's still in high school! If she gets pregnant I guess it's back to jail for Vera's little tyke…"

"Seriously, Mom, you're scaring me," I pointed out.

"It's just… she was always so mean… 'accidentally' running into your father and me when we were out," Mom huffed. "Talking about her boyfriend and her grades and her parents taking her to France for the summer… And then that stunt where she showed up naked to your father's place! The nerve of her!"

"Okay, she was a bitch. Can we move on?" I sighed. "I mean, it's not like Dad still talks to her or anything."

"Well, no…" Mom frowned. "But are you sure I can't send at least one snippy message to her about how both of our children are grown, are gainfully employed and in serious, adult relationships?"

"I don't think the picture of Jasper in his Dale Earnhardt shirt and a bandana will affirm that Alice is in an adult relationship," I pointed out.

"Edward, NASCAR is a professional sport," Mom pointed out.

"I can't believe Jasper convinced you of that argument," I rolled my eyes.

"Ooh! What is this?" Mom asked as a message popped up. She clicked on it. "Emmett McCarty has sent you a friend request… My Emmett does look handsome in that sombrero…"

"Great," I said, head in my hands.

"Oh, and he sent me a message!" Mom smiled. "Welcome to the Facebook Mrs. C! Why, how sweet! I'm accepting…"

"Mom!" I groaned.

"What's this farm thing?" Mom asked, clicking on one of the Farmville requests Emmett had posted to his wall. "A farm? You mean I can have a farm on this thing?"

"It's a game, Mom, and I wouldn't recommend it," I pointed out. "They can sort of take over your life…"

"Chickens and cows! How cute!" Mom grinned.

"Seriously, Alice and Jasper are going to be here any minute," I pointed out.

"Oh, it would be so nice to have a vegetable garden I don't really have to pay attention to…" Mom began.

"She's a goner, Edward. Don't even try," Bella cautioned me.

"Great," I said, watching as Mom started placing her virtual farm stuff.

"Let's see Vera Schneck built a farm like mine!" Mom crowed.


	70. Outtake 2: Carlisle Gets A Facebook

**Carlisle Gets A Facebook**

"I don't understand why your mother is making me do this," Dad groaned as we sat down with his laptop. "Do I really have to do this?"

"It would make her happy," I shrugged. "And I guess it would help you keep in touch with us day-to-day."

"I suppose," Dad groaned.

After too many complaints that it didn't look like she was really married on Facebook because Dad didn't have a Facebook, Dad finally relented. Once again, I found myself with one of my parents in front of the computer to show Dad how to join the site. Bella had lucked out and was just down stairs helping Mom cook. Though Dad still seemed pretty resistant to joining Facebook, I knew he was still trying to make Mom happy following their earlier marital troubles. Mom had guilted me into helping Dad set his Facebook up, and I was less than thrilled that now both my parents had now invaded my social media space. Alice had already gone through and deleted some of her older posts and pictures of herself at bars with friends when Mom had commented that some of her posts were "a little slutty" and "not in good taste." I could only imagine what dad would think of Alice's Facebook exploits. And when Mom sent him a zillion Farmville requests.

"Alright, I've got my email and password in… name… age? Seriously? Where do they get off asking this sort of…" Dad grumbled.

"Dad, it's fine," I snorted.

"Fine," Dad grimaced. "Okay… interests… employment history..… this could take a while…."

"How about we go back to that in a bit," I said. "Just fill out where you work now and your schooling. That way we can get you connected to some of your old classmates."

"Those dolts?" Dad snorted. "I'm sorry, but I left high school behind for a reason. Although it would be nice to see what John Jamison did after he flunked out of med school…"

"Just enter it in, Dad," I said. "I've had enough stalking former classmates with Mom. You can do that on your own time."

"Your mother hasn't been catching up with old boyfriends on this thing, has she?" Dad asked curiously.

"The only ex-boyfriend of hers I know of is in jail," I replied. "Besides, once you friend her you can find that out for yourself."

"Alright, fine," Dad said, typing away his information. Hitting enter, he went in to his page. "Now what do I do?"

"You can start by listing yourself as married to Mom," I said. Dad began entering her name and her picture popped up.

"Do I click it?" he asked.

"Yeah, you can add her as a friend," I said.

"I can't add her as my wife?" Dad asked.

"It will list you to as married but the process is called 'friending' someone," I replied.

"Why is that?" Dad asked.

"Because it's supposed to be a social media site… a place to connect with friends," I replied.

"So, I can't list your mother as my wife?" Dad asked.

"You can, but it's called friending her not wife-ing her!" I groaned. "It's just a general term."

"Alright, alright," Dad snorted. "No need to get all bent out of shape. Now… I can enter you and your sister and… is that… Jasper in your sister's photo?"

"Yep, in the flesh," I nodded.

"What is he… he looks like…" Dad shook his head. "I don't know about your sister sometimes…"

"If he accepts your friend request, you get to see all of the photos of when he and his cousin went bowhunting turkeys last year," I replied. Alice popped up as accepting Dad's request and he clicked on to her page, scrolling down.

"He's a good young man," Dad conceded, "but honestly not the person I thought your sister would end up with…" I waited for a moment, knowing well what he was squinting at. "What does your sister have all these pictures of herself in a bikini on her? Does she know there are… I mean…"

"You should tell her," I smirked.

"She shouldn't even own anything that shows that much skin! When was this?" Dad asked.

"When she and Jasper were visiting his family in South Padre over the summer last year," I replied.

"She was out in public?" Dad hissed.

"You should see how many lingerie stores she's a fan of," I snorted. Dad looked like he was about to have a heart attack.

"I'm talking to her about this later," Dad grimaced. Another friend request popped up. I groaned to see the familiar face of Vera Schneck asking Dad for a friend request. "How did she even know I was on here?"

"Apparently mom also accepted your friend request from her phone in the kitchen," I said, looking up at the top of the screen.

"You can do that on your phone?" Dad said, impressed. His nose scrunched up as he turned back to Vera's picture. "What do I do? I don't want to be rude but…" Suddenly, Dad's message box popped up. It was mom.

"_If you value your life you will NOT friend that bitch._"

"Well, I guess your mother has decided for me," Dad shrugged, clicking the ignore button. "Hold on… she and your mother are friends?"

"Apparently, Facebook does not have a frenemies designation," I sighed.

"Why would your mother friend Vera? She hates her," Dad frowned.

"She wants to keep tabs on her," I shrugged. "To gloat."

"I don't understand why women do things like… Bob Snyder, as I live and breathe," Carlisle said, scrolling down through Mom's friends list. "Why is she friends with him? Oh, he's a _podiatrist_ now. Because that's a _real _medical degree."

"Who is Bob Snyder?" I asked.

"He and I were on the medical track together until he dropped out to go to _podiatry _school," Dad snorted. "He was always bragging about how he was top of the class and teacher's pet before he decided he wanted to be a _foot doctor_. Seriously."

"Um… what's wrong with being a foot doctor?" I asked. "I mean, dentists are tooth doctors…"

"It's not that he became a _foot doctor_," Dad snorted. "For the year and a half he managed to stay in medical school he was the biggest… jackass on campus. I don't know if he was insecure or something, but he found it absolutely hilarious to only flirt with girls in relationships. Your mother in particular. I don't know why she's friended him."

"Dad, he's probably married now… you know… and old…" I shrugged.

"He's a year younger than me" Dad grimaced.

"Okay… how about you see if any of your cousins are on here…" I said, hoping to distract Dad.

"How's it going boys?" Mom asked, walking into the room with a glass of wine.

"Why are you friends with Bob Snyder?" Dad asked her.

"He was your friend in college," Esme shrugged.

"He and I were not friends," Dad snorted.

"You roomed together for a semester," Mom pointed out. "You know until he dropped out and…"

"Became a foot doctor," Dad spat.

"Does dad have some aversion to podiatrists that I never knew about before?" I asked Mom. She rolled her eyes.

"If I can't be friends with Vera I don't want you being friends with Bob," Dad said.

"Carlisle, you know Bob and I never dated," Mom snorted. "I only met him because you introduced us after we started dating! Sure, he was flirty but I was never interested in him, unlike you a Vera."

"Why are you friends with Vera anyway?" Dad asked.

"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer," Mom snorted.

"Enemies?" Dad laughed. "I haven't seen her since… since before graduation at least… I can't remember the last time I saw her actually…"

"Was it when she dropped trou in your apartment?" Mom snorted.

"No… I ran into her and her mother at the grocery store after that…rather awkward," Dad admitted.

"Can you guys debate this when I finish helping dad set this up?" I begged.

"Sure," Mom said. "Oh, and Carlisle, you should join Farmville. It's fun!" Mom turned and exited the room.

"What's a Farmville?" Dad asked.

"It's a game where you raise a virtual farm," I sighed. "Basically, it's a bunch of waiting around for crops to grow so you can earn achievements."

"Why is that fun?" Dad snorted.

"I don't know, but Mom likes it," I sighed. "And apparently she surpassed Emmett in levels after only playing two weeks…"

"I don't want to know," Dad agreed. He scrolled down the page and then his eyes got wide. "What is this?"

"Dad don't just click…" I began.

"Mafia Wars," Dad muttered to himself. "What is this?"

"It's a game," I replied. "You can fool around with it later. Now we have to…"

"This seems kind of fun," Dad said.

"Dad… we need to…" I began.

"In a minute Edward," Dad snorted. "Oh! I leveled up!"

"How about I let you play that and then we resume setting up your Facebook later Dad?" I sighed.

"In a minute, Edward," Dad said, focused on his laptop.

I sighed, got up and decided to head down to the kitchen to see what Mom and Bella were working on. When I arrived downstairs, I found Bella with a messy bun on top of her head, slicing up some vegetables. Mom was nowhere to be seen. Keeping my footfalls heavy so she would know I was walking up behind her and not cut herself with the knife, I wrapped by arms around Bella from behind and she set the knife aside, smiling up at me.

"You got your Dad all set?" Bella asked.

"Not exactly," I sighed. "He accidentally discovered Mafia Wars and I lost him completely to the game."

"Well, Rose has been looking for more friends on that," Bella shrugged.

"Where's Mom?" I asked.

"Miss Priss had to do her business, so your mom is out there with her in the yard," Bella replied.

"If that dog weren't so evil I'd kind of feel sorry that she can't do her business without someone watching her," I admitted. "I mean, how demeaning is it for my mom to not only watch you poo but baby talk to you afterwards about how you did such a good job."

"Miss Priss doesn't seem to mind," Bella shrugged.

"You know, after five minutes with Dad up there you should really be glad your father is stuck in a technological dark age," I pointed out to Bella.

"I think my mother posting links to articles on the Kama Sutra as well as the results of her 'What Sexual Position Are You' quiz to my wall more than makes up for the fact that Charlie isn't on Facebook," Bella snorted.

"I guess," Edward said. "And he probably would make you take down that one shot of you in your bathing suite you let Rose put up. Dad about had an aneurysm when he saw all those photos of Alice and Jasper on vacation."

"He should have seen the ones she didn't post," Bella smirked.

"Don't remind me," I groaned.

"Hey, on the bright side your mother is happy now and you can get some quality bonding time with your Dad over Mafia Wars," Bella teased me.

"Ugh," I groaned. "I'm already too busy trying to block all of Mom's Farmville requests and explaining to her that I don't play Farmville…"

"They just want to connect with you," Bella replied.

"Funny, I thought that was why we came over here every Sunday," I smirked.

"You should probably go make sure your Dad doesn't get so involved in Mafia Wars he misses dinner," Bella pointed out.

"Right," I sighed, giving her a peck before turning and heading back to find my father.

I found him in the same spot grinning maniacally at his laptop screen. I had a feeling that Dad was getting much more involved in Mafia Wars than he probably should have been. I cleared my throat and Dad looked up, so shocked and surprised that he nearly dropped his laptop and fell out of the couch. Curiously approaching him, I picked the laptop are.

"What are you…" I began, looking down and reading the chat log with Mom that had popped up on the bottom of the screen. "Dad! You're sexting Mom over Facebook chat!"

"Some things are private between married couples, Edward," Dad cautioned me.

"I need eye bleach," I groaned, handing the laptop back to him. "You know, I think I liked Facebook better when you were just in the mafia."


	71. Outtake 3: A Romantic Comedy of Errors

**A Romantic Comedy of Errors**

All those romantic comedies totally gloss over how nerve-wracking the proposal is for the guy. Sure, there might be humorous scenes with him sweating it out, but more likely you're going to get some amazing proposal where he's somehow managed to rent out the entire top of the Eiffel Tower, got a band playing and even got perfect weather – even if he's a hobo or a struggling artist who can't even afford a five-dollar hamburger. The internet provided to be no help ever, and I realized Googling "How to Propose Marriage" probably wasn't my best idea. And of course, realizing I had no good ideas was already weighing on me. After all, Charlie Swan would probably gut me like a fish if I didn't make his daughter's proposal magical.

Asking for Charlie's blessing the weekend before had been hard enough. Bella was skeptical about him spending a "guy's weekend" with her father and a few guy s from the force. I had truthfully expected to go fishing and watch TV, but instead Charlie had put me to work, asking me to help clean the gutters, shovel the snow from the front walk, and of course the ritual cleaning of the shooting trophies. I had second-guessed myself a few times while cleaning the word's "Charlie 'Sure-Shot' Swan: First Place" with a Q-tip. I never realized how many shooting trophies Charlie had until he made me clean all of them. Charlie had been pretty good about it afterward though, and even got us both beers to celebrate and gave me his mother's ring to use. Bella was apparently expecting that ring as a signal that Charlie approved, though I was sort of sure Charlie made that part up.

All this time, I thought the hardest part would be asking Charlie for his blessing on our relationship, but I was quickly realizing that the hardest part would actually asking Bella to marry me. Not exactly sure how to ask her, I decided to ask people I knew about their own proposals. Emmett seemed a natural first.

"Dude, I knocked her up," Emmett shrugged. "She told me she was knocked up, I said 'so you wanna get married' and Rose said 'you bet your dumb ass.' That was that."

So, Emmett's method was probably out. Getting Bella pregnant might have been a good way to get her to agree, but I probably wouldn't make it down the aisle without Charlie shooting me for getting his baby girl pregnant out of wedlock. Though technically he was guilty of the same thing with Renee, I didn't think Charlie would be as forgiving as Mr. Higginbotham had been. Next, I turned to Jasper.

"Uh… I don't think… you might want to ask Alice," Jasper had replied before quickly tossing the phone to my sister.

"What's the question?" Alice asked curiously.

"How did Jasper ask you to marry him?" I asked.

"Oh, it was so romantic!" Alice grinned. "I was in the middle of the biggest orgasm of my life…"

"Alice!" I gaped.

"What?" Alice said.

"Okay, scratch the real proposal. How did you tell Mom and Dad he proposed?" I groaned.

"Uh… I just said he proposed," Alice shrugged. "I didn't go into details."

"You've been a great help," I groaned.

With my sister and Emmett no help, I decided the next best thing was to try my parents. I made some lame excuse about them having technical difficulties so Bella wouldn't question why I had gone over there all of a sudden on a Tuesday evening. I figured to try Mom first since I figured she would have some good concrete ideas on how to handle the situation with Bella.

"So, how did Dad ask you to marry him?" I asked her casually as I helped her chop some vegetables in the kitchen for the stew she was making.

"The first time?" Mom snorted.

"You turned him down?" I gaped.

"Yes," Mom nodded. "It was Wednesday night and we were at your father's place watching 'WKRP in Cincinnati.' When the show went to commercial he looked at me and said 'Esme, if I were to ask you to marry me, what would you say?'"

"And what did you say?" I asked.

"I told him I'd probably say yes as long as the next time he asked me he made it count," Mom smirked. "I think he was a little put off that I didn't make things easy on him and just say yes then and there."

"So, he f…mucked it up and you still said yes?" I asked.

"Well, his second proposal more than made up for his first," Mom smiled. Just then, my father walked into the room on his new iPhone, no doubt playing Mafia Wars again.

"Hello, son," Dad smiled before giving Mom a peck on the cheek. "What's the occasion?"

"I needed some advice," I shrugged.

"Edward wanted to know how you proposed to me," Mom smirked.

"Oh, it's a great story son," Dad beamed. "We went to the Navy Pier. We got hot dogs and salt water taffy, and then we went on the carousel and then we got on the Ferris wheel and I timed it just right, so when we were at the top the fireworks went off and then I pulled the ring out of my pocket and asked her. I had a great speech…"

"You don't need to recite the speech," I rolled my eyes.

"It was a great speech," Dad pouted.

"It was," Mom smirked, giving him a kiss. "Now tell our son the real story about how you asked me when we were watching TV."

"Hey! It's a very nerve-wracking thing for a young man," Dad protested. "Do you have any idea how mortifying it would be to pour your heart out to the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with only for her to say 'no' or 'I'll think about it'?"

"Who said 'I'll think about it'?" Mom snorted.

"Jane said that's what you told Charlie Evenson when he proposed," Dad said with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, he was sort of a criminal, Carlisle. Even back then," Mom rolled her eyes. "And I wanted to let him down gently, even if he did ask me to marry him in the backseat of his Corvair because I wouldn't put out."

"Mom!" I groaned.

"Well, I did think about it and I didn't marry him," Mom shrugged.

"How many times were you proposed to?" I asked her.

"If you don't count Sammy Turner in the third grade then three," Mom said.

"I thought we agreed my first one didn't count," Dad pointed out.

"Yes," Mom nodded. "Don't you remember? I went with Joey Piekarski for three months in college before I started dating you. He was majoring in teaching so he…"

"Could become one of those _Dead Poets Society_ types," Dad muttered.

"Anyway, Joey asked me to marry him as a sort of last ditch effort so I wouldn't break up with him," Mom shrugged. "I wasn't all that serious about him. I was just waiting for your father to grow a pair and ask me out."

"Seriously, mom?" I shook my head. "So, you could have been married to three different guys?"

"If you don't count Sammy Turner in the third grade," Mom shrugged.

"So… Dad… how many women have you proposed to?" I asked slyly.

"One. Your mother. And the first time didn't count," Dad said.

"You guys have made me feel a lot better," I said sarcastically.

I had to admit, I debated the asking Bella while watching TV thing the next afternoon when we were cuddled on the couch together, but I had a feeling it would go over just as well as it had with my father. I wanted to plan something nice and memorable, but with a limited budget and practical expectations, I seriously doubted I would be able to rent out the top of the Space Needle or plan a fireworks display to go off at the right time over Puget Sound. For some reason, all those people in Hollywood seem to thing the Average Joe can drop thousands of dollars on an elaborate proposal. I nearly had a heart attack when Bella and I spent five hundred dollars at the grocery store the month before.

After all, I was lucky enough to get the ring for free from her Dad. I had no idea how I would have afforded the giant rock on Alice's finger and Emmett secretly confided in me that he would probably be finished paying off Rose's ring in time to pay for their daughter's wedding. That was saying something since Emmett insisted Lily couldn't get married until she was 40. Figuring out how to make the moment special for Bella was literally keeping me up at night, tossing and turning.

Finally, I decided that proposing shouldn't be that nerve-wracking. After all, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, so I should be excited about proposing rather than dreading it. It was while looking at the looming date of Valentine's Day on the calendar that I finally had my epiphany moment. Valentine's Day was on a Tuesday that year, which I kind of found annoying, but it did fall perfectly into place with my plan.

As cheesy as it sounded, I wanted to take Bella back to the place where we first met, even as embarrassing as that first meeting was. I cooked up a pretty elaborate e-vite I sent to her work address asking her to meet me at the restaurant after work. I didn't know if Bella even remembered the restaurant because she sent me a message back, saying she was a little tired and maybe we could just stay in and have leftover Chinese food. After another email practically begging her to come out, she agreed but insisted on going home, showering and changing first.

I didn't mind that as it gave me even more time to set the whole thing up. I managed to not only find the table she had was supposed to meet my father at but had it reserved. It was a little creepy if I put too much thought into the fact that she had originally come to this table to meet my Dad, so I didn't think about it. Instead, I focused on making sure all of my plans were in place. Bella came in about five minutes later that she said she would, but was pretty surprised by the white roses I had waiting for her.

"I'm sorry I was gruff earlier," Bella said as she slid into the seat across from mine. "Busy day at work. But it is really sweet that you wanted to do something nice for Valentine's Day. Thank you."

"I thought it would be nice for you to get a break," I shrugged. Bella looked at the menu and then up at me.

"You know… it doesn't have to be an expensive meal to be romantic, right?" Bella asked me with a raised eyebrow.

"Fine, we'll only get one dessert," I smirked. "Come on, Bella, let me treat you special."

"Alright," she laughed.

Bella ended up ordering the_ Ravioli di Funghi_ – the fancy term for the mushroom ravioli – and then proceeded to tease me for ordering the unabashedly un-Italian grilled salmon. I had contemplating doing the thing where you put the ring in the food, dessert or wine glass, but then I had gone on the internet. A guy there had posted how he had put the ring in the dessert only for his girlfriend to swallow it, start choking and then ended up in the hospital after the maître d' performed the Heimlich maneuver and broke two of her ribs. Later in the hospital she said she not only didn't want to marry him but never wanted to see him again. A few others had chimed in with similar stories of their own.

After convincing Bella a nice tiramisu wouldn't hurt, I reached into my pocket to get the ring only to find it wasn't there. Panicked, I felt to make sure there wasn't a hole in my pocket and then felt around in my jeans to make sure I hadn't put it in that pocket. Then I shifted to the other side of my jacket and found the ring wasn't in that pocket nor in those jeans. I made the excuse that I had to use the bathroom and then rushed out to my car. I basically pulled the seats apart until I found where the ring box had fallen out of my pocket and wedged itself under the driver's seat. Breathing a sigh of relief, I walked back into the restaurant only to be confronted by the annoyed maître d and our waiter.

"Thought you would dine and dash on us?" the maître d' asked with a scowl.

"No… I left something in the car…" I began.

"Maybe we should go tell your little girlfriend about how you left her with a big bill," the waiter snorted.

"Dude, I have half an eight-dollar cheesecake left on my plate," I snorted. "I was coming back!"

"Maybe we should take you up to see the boss," the maître d said.

"Seriously, you guys have never seen someone accidentally leave an engagement ring in their car before?" I groaned.

"We'll let you in," the waiter said. "But I'm expecting at least a 20 percent tip."

"Fine," I groaned. They let me past and I plopped down in the seat across from Bella with a heavy sigh.

"Did you get lost?" she laughed.

"Huh? What?" I gaped.

"IT's just… the bathrooms are in the back and you came from the front…" Bella began.

"Uh… left something in my car," I shrugged.

"You said you were going to the bathroom," Bella said.

"Yeah… I went to the bathroom and then realized I left something in the car and had to go back for it," I explained.

"Maybe you had a little too much wine tonight," Bella said. "You probably shouldn't drive home."

"Yeah," I said. My throat was drying up and I was totally losing my nerve.

What happened next didn't help.

"Edward! Bella! When didn't expect to see you here tonight!"

"Oh, hi Esme!" Bella grinned.

"Taking the lady out for a special Valentine's Day meal?" Dad raised his eyebrows at me.

"Aren't these Cullen men sweet?" Mom grinned at Bella.

"What are you two doing here?" I groaned.

"I thought it would be nice to take your mother out for a special dinner tonight," Dad shrugged. "Great minds think alike, I guess, son."

"Great," I groaned.

"You know," Mom said. "I can't remember the last time I ate here. It used to be one of our favorites."

"I feel like it was last year sometime," Dad said.

"I think I've only been here once…" Bella began. Then, suddenly, realization dawned on all three of their faces about exactly when the last time they had eaten here was.

"Oh heavens," Mom said.

"Edward?" Bella asked me curiously.

"So…uh… this is where we first met…even if it wasn't really the best meeting and I uh…" I stammered out, "but I mean it's a great place and I didn't… want you to always associate it with… you know… bad stuff… so I thought I'd bring you back here and… I guess make good memories or whatever and… I am really blowing this…"

"You can do this son," Dad prompted me.

"So anyway… I thought maybe we could start fresh with this place," I resumed. "And I thought what better way to make this place special for the right reasons than…" I fished the ring box out of my pocket and opened it for her over the table "…than making it the place where we started our lives together again. Bella, will you marry me?"

"Oh my God!" Bella gaped.

"Yes! Say yes!" Mom urged her.

"Yes," Bella laughed before reaching across the table and kissing me. I didn't even care that she knocked the eight-dollar plate of cheesecake off the table when she did so. When Bella was finished kissing me I looked up to find my parents still standing there, beaming.

"Oh, this is so wonderful!" Mom said, teary-eyed. She gave Bella hug and then me.

"Was it as good as Dad's speech?" I asked.

"Actually, your father blathered on about natural selection for five minutes before almost dropping the ring off the top of the Ferris wheel," Mom smirked. "And then he asked 'Will you Esme me, Mary?' I had no idea what he was talking about at first!"

"I thought it was a great speech," I said to Dad.

"It was a great speech," Dad laughed. "It was great because… somehow… it landed me your mother."


	72. Outtake 4: The Civil War Rides Again

**The Civil War Rides Again**

"Jazz, I am freezing my nuts off," Peter moaned as we set around the very tiny campfire.

"Are you _sure_ this is how things worked in the Civil War?" Jasper's cousin Logan moaned.

"I have a Ph.D. in the subject," Jasper reminded him.

"Why couldn't you have a Ph.D. in titty bars?" Peter grimaced.

"You can do that?" Kevin and Casey asked at the same time.

"No," Jasper hissed at his twin cousins.

"I don't know," Peter said, scratching himself. "I have put a lot of intense study sessions at strip joints."

"I'm sure Charlotte would _love_ to hear about all of that," Jasper snorted.

"Now, Jazz, don't knock strip clubs," Uncle Jeff said before turning to Kevin, Casey and Logan. "Boys, I met your mamma in a strip club, and it was the best thing I ever did."

"Mom was a stripper?" Logan balked.

"No," Dad shook his head. "She was a cocktail waitress. She was working her way up so she could afford implants and then she could…"

It was 9 p.m. and already Jasper's Civil War-themed bachelor party was getting off to a great start. I was the only non-Texan present as Emmett was staying home with his girls that night. He had said something about Lily not wanting to sleep without her daddy home, but Rose had assured us that it was the other way around. Every other guy involved had decided to stay in a hotel or at home that night, so I was stuck with Jasper, his cousins and Uncle Jeff all night in the park, trying not to freeze my but off in the 30-below degree weather and the wool uniforms we had to wear.

I would be lying if I said it was easily being the only Yankee in Jasper's Confederate camp. His relatives were already highly leery of me before they found out I was born in Illinois, the state Abe Lincoln had called home. The fact that I was a Yankee dressed up in Confederate uniform only seemed to further convince them I had to be some kind of spy. Of course, the fact that Jasper's family was innately suspicious of me wasn't the worst part of the evening.

No, the worst part was I would be freezing my ass off in a wool coat under a dilapidated tent, snuggling for warmth with Jasper, Peter and their whiney cousin Logan when I could be at home, in my nice warm bed snuggling up to Bella's curves. I understood fully the prohibition of Jasper seeing or sleeping with Alice the night before their wedding, but I was still a little put out that I had to abstain from seeing Bella during the same time period as well. I wasn't allowed to bring my phone and text her because it wasn't "historically accurate" and Alice had nixed the idea of Bella making a late night visit to our campsite, partially out of jealousy and partially because she had a very boring _Gone with the Wind_-themed bachelorette party going on. I found out quickly that I wasn't even allowed to talk about Bella.

"What do you think the girls are doing right now?" I asked as Jasper tried to show his cousins how they used to dress wounds.

"No talk of womenfolk on the campsite," Uncle Jeff replied.

"You were talking about your wife like five seconds ago," I snorted.

"Do you think the girls are having a sexy pillow fight?" Casey asked curiously.

"Dammit. Now you've got them started again," Uncle Jeff groaned.

"Why would they be having a sexy pillow fight?" Jasper asked curiously.

"Because Peter said girls always have sexy pillow fights when they're alone together," Kevin shrugged.

"Pete, you watch too much porn, man," Jasper shook his head.

"What can I say? It makes Char frisky!" Peter wiggled his eyebrows.

"One of these days you're going to rent a video and find that sister of yours in it," Jasper snorted.

"Don't I know it," Peter rolled his eyes. "I just hope she's not got twins in that belly of hers. If she's anything like her mama Char and I'll be raising my niece or nephew. Char's not ready for kids yet, either. She saw her older sister have one of those no medication home births and it scared her shitless."

"You're lucky," Jasper scoffed. "If I called Alice and said I wanted to start working on a baby tonight she'd be over here in no time flat."

"That is still my sister you're talking about," I reminded him.

"Yeah, but you saw her in the hospital!" Jasper shook his head. "She's ga-ga over Rose's little one and now she wants one too."

"That is typical Alice," I shrugged. "Some girl had the newest Barbie and she wanted one too. It's why she wasn't allowed to watch TV around the holidays. She'd want every toy in every commercial just because someone suggested it to her."

"Well, I don't think having a baby is something you should do just because you're highly suggestible," Jasper said.

"Yeah, you should have kids for good reasons," Peter nodded. "Like the condom broke."

"That's a shitty reason," Logan snorted.

"It's why you're here," Uncle Jeff pointed out to him, causing Logan to pout.

"Hell, it's why I'm here," Peter laughed. "I'd wager half of us are here because of some shit like that. You know it, Uncle Jeff. Mawmaw was done having kids when you showed up."

"Yep," Uncle Jeff smirked, looking to me. "Growing up, Mama always called me 'Daddy's Little Accident.' Talk about a nickname."

"At least she didn't call you punkin head," Jasper tittered, looking at his younger cousins. He pointed back between Kevin and Casey "Punkin Head One and Punkin Head Two!"

"Yeah, well you better lay down the law with Alice or you'll be getting a punkin head of your own," Casey snorted, obviously using me as an example. I didn't believe any of Jasper's family knew Alice's real hair color. Of course, any baby of hers that came out with hair like Ronald McDonald would probably give it away. I tried not to snicker at the thought of my future niece or nephew with a bright red afro.

"That ain't how it works, son," Uncle Jeff shook his head.

"No siree," Peter agreed.

"But the man's the law in the family," Kevin piped up. Peter and Uncle Jeff got a big laugh out of that one.

"Son, I may wear the pants in the family, but your mamma buys 'em, washes 'em, irons 'em and sometimes tells me how to put 'em on," Uncle Jeff said.

"Any fella that tells you he's in charge of his wife is either lying through his teeth or just dumb enough to believe it," Peter nodded. "You better learn this tonight, Jasper, if she ain't happy _ain't nobody_ happy, especially not you."

"And 'I'm fine' usually means the exact opposite," Uncle Jeff nodded.

"She is always right. Even when she's wrong she's right, because if you point out she's wrong then she'll make you sleep on the couch," Peter said. "If she tells you grass is polka-dotted and striped, you go along with it."

"And always appreciate her cooking," Uncle Jeff nodded. "Women love it when you tell 'em how good they cooked and how full they made you. It's like an instinct they have to take care of their men or something."

"Alice doesn't cook," I pointed out. "She burned those ready-made cookies at Christmas because she couldn't follow the instructions."

"Well, even if she just picks you up a bucket of fried chicken, you gotta get all sweet on her about how thoughtful she was and how she takes such good care of you," Peter shrugged. "Women eat that shit up."

"And if she talks, you better damn well listen because every so often there's a pop quiz at the end of whatever she's saying," Uncle Jeff nodded. "And if you fail... it's the couch."

"I can't see Alice making me sleep on the couch," Jasper snorted.

"That's your first rookie mistake right there. Underestimating the couch," Peter said. "That same couch that's so comfy to lay on when you're watching the football game suddenly gets all hard and lumpy when she makes you sleep on it all night. That couch is your enemy. Be afraid of the couch."

"Well, any more fun advice from the peanut gallery?" Jasper snorted.

"My dad always tells me to do something surprising for Bella," I shrugged. "Like bring her flowers even though it's not her birthday or a holiday. Or just send her a text message to tell her I'm thinking about her. Just small stuff like that. He said he forgot the small stuff for a while and he almost lost my mom in the process."

"That's the heavy thing, man," Peter nodded. "You think it's just dumb stupid shit she's asking you to do all the time, but if enough of it adds up over time she'll start talking about leaving your ass. And then you're up shit creek without a paddle because she's the one who's been making the meals and knows when your next dentist appointment is and has all the receipts you need at tax time and knows where your socks are. Man, when Char and her bible study group went on that weeklong women's retreat... I about tore the house up because we ran out of toilet paper and I couldn't find where she put it. You don't realize how much shit she does until she's gone and you're suddenly staring into an empty freezer wishing you had a nice, hot steak dinner with mashed potatoes and all the fixings."

"Shit, why didn't we at least order a pizza?" Logan grumbled. Uncle Jeff whopped him upside the head and told him to stop using bad language.

"There wasn't pizza delivery during the Civil War," Jasper pointed out.

"So what're we gonna eat? Hot dogs?" Kevin asked.

"No," Jasper shook his head, producing our rations for the evening. "We each got some salted beef, beans, hardtack, hominy, coffee, and some dried potatoes."

"You found hominy up here?" Peter asked surprised.

"I have my ways," Jasper grinned. Peter took one bite of the mixture in the completely anachronistic plastic tub and then looked at Jasper knowingly.

"Mawmaw made this," Peter said. "She brought it up with her, didn't she?"

"No! She actually found it in the grocery store," Jasper shook his head. "But yeah, she cooked it up nice for us. Made the bread too."

"Make that coffee," Logan said. "I'm freezing my britches off."

"You and me both," Kevin nodded.

"Me three!" Casey said.

As if to accentuate their point, a cold gust of wind blew through our campsite, knocking over one of the poorly built tents and nearly destroying our fire. The next few minutes were a flurry of activity trying to set the campsite to right and then a few ominous thunderclaps overhead made things even worse. When that calmed down, Jasper led us in a round of campfire songs and then told us some of his favorite gory Civil War incidents as a bedtime story. We all went to sleep after that, or at least tried to. The only thing that managed to keep me asleep amid Jasper's constant rolling around next to me was sweet dreams of what Bella might have under her hoopskirt.

We woke up the next morning to howling wind, pouring rain and my dad jostling us to say we were going to be late for the wedding. Drenched in my wool uniform and feeling queasy from my historically accurate meal, I started sneezing over my breakfast coffee and was certain I was coming down with the flu. There were three things I was absolutely sure of: camping in March in Seattle was never a good idea, my sister owed me big time for putting up with her perfect special day, and I fucking hate the Civil War.


	73. Outtake 5: The Little White Chapel

**The Little White Chapel**

The little white chapel in downtown Forks had been done up with daisies, baby's breath, Queen Anne's lace and an abundance of other wildflowers from across the area. A good number of the flowers had been picked from the flower garden Granny Swan had started in the backyard of the house I grew up in. We had spent the better part of the day before decorating the church with the home-grown and hand-picked flowers from around the area. The whole thing was going to be simple. Neither Edward nor I really wanted that big of a fuss.

Of course, Alice and Rose had both thrown a fit when I showed them the wedding dress I had picked out. It was a simple ivory number I had found for very cheap in a vintage shop. They had both protested until I reminded Rose about how well her fancy first wedding had gone and then pointed out to Alice how her over-the-top nuptials sent Jasper into a tailspin. I wanted things to be simple, just a day to make memories. I didn't need the thousand dollar dress or the expensive flowers or a tiara with real diamonds.

Edward had opted to wear the tux he owned for special occasions, though my Dad was just happy with his regular suit. I had managed to talk him out of wearing his cop clothes, though Dad thought it would be a good idea to remind Edward just who his future father-in-law was. Mom had even reluctantly come out to the wedding with Phil, but they couldn't stay for the reception as they had to fly back to Florida so Phil could rest up for his next game. It hurt a little that she didn't want to stay, but once I caught a peek at the cleavage-displaying dress she had chosen with a huge slit up the thigh, I thought it might be best if Mom ducked out before the reception anyway.

Though Renee wasn't big on tradition, she was big on good luck. She made sure I had everything traditional to make the day a success. My something old was a pearl necklace of Granny Higginbotham's mom gave to me. My something blue was the ribbon tied around my bouquet, borrowed was the veil Rose had worn at her wedding to Emmett and new were the white brand-name heels I had allowed Alice to buy for me.

"And here's a penny," Mom said.

"Penny?" I frowned.

"I know you say 'something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue,' but your Grandmother swore it was 'something old, something new, and a penny in your shoe," Mom shrugged. "You know, your father found this penny in the parking lot of the hospital the day we had you. I, of course, screamed at him because I was too busy having a baby to worry about loose change on the ground. He put it on the bedside table in the hospital room for good luck."

"I never thought of Dad as superstitious," I shrugged.

"Your father isn't always so clinical and pragmatic," Mom smiled. "Anyway, I think you should have it today. A little extra luck never hurt."

"Thanks mom," I smiled.

"It's actually from your father," Mom said, "but he made me give it to you. He's trying to act all tough, but giving away his baby is really getting to him. Well, I better go find my seat." With Mom gone, Dad came over, taking my arm and his.

"You sure about this Bells? Just say the word and it's off," Dad informed me. "I've got the cruiser outside for your getaway and I can get my guys to tow his car at a moment's notice if you need…"

"Dad," I shook my head.

"Just saying," Dad frowned.

"Come on, Dad," I rolled my eyes. "You like Edward. He rented you guys a big boat to go fishing on Puget Sound and you guys had fun at the Mariner's game together. You didn't even shoot him when you took him to the gun range that first time."

"He did get me the complete Gunsmoke on DVD for my birthday," Dad gruffed.

"And he has a good job, insurance and a safe car," I pointed out.

"He did ask for my permission to marry you," Dad acquiesced.

"Blessing, Dad," I rolled my eyes.

"Same thing," Dad huffed. I smiled. Dad would probably go to his grave believing I wouldn't have married Edward if he hadn't approved.

"You know I love you, Daddy," I said.

"I know," Dad sighed. "But it's hard thinking I'm going to have to share you with someone. That I'm not going to be the person who you turn to for protection or to change your oil…"

"Dad, Rose has been changing my oil since college," I reminded him. "She changed your oil that one time…"

"Fair enough," Dad sighed.

"Hey, how do you think Edward's Mom feels, huh? Esme is no longer the one who's going to make him chicken soup when he's sick or help him pick out Christmas presents for people," I said. "Daddy, I know how important Sue is to you. Don't you want me to have someone in my life like that?"

"I guess," Dad sighed. "Well, we better get this shindig underway."

"Thanks Dad," I smiled.

Perfect was really the only way I could describe my wedding. It went by in a blur, Edward and I focused on each other the entire time. We both were so focused on each other the pastor had to prompt us to speak a few times and Edward may have kissed me a little longer than most residents of Forks thought appropriate in a church, but I didn't care. Rather than a limo, Dad got one of his grunts to drive the two of us to the Lodge in a cruiser with the lights on. I was slightly mortified, but Edward thought the entire thing was hilarious. Our one expense for the wedding had been renting out the party room at the Lodge for dancing and food, though Edward's parents hadn't minded the bill.

It was nice getting to see all of our friends together in one place. When the music started up, Dad was on the floor with Sue while Carlisle danced with Esme. Rose was a little tired but smiled and took pictures as Emmett danced around the floor with Lily, who was four months old already. It was also nice to see Jasper gliding Alice around the floor not only in time with the music but without either of them wearing Civil War getup. Of course, the best thing wasn't that all these people were there in this room together, but rather that they were there because they were as happy as Edward and I were about our marriage.

"Having fun, Mrs. Cullen?" Edward asked me as we swayed back and forth.

"Are you going to keep calling me that for the rest of our married life together?" I teased him.

"I don't know, Mrs. Cullen. Maybe, Mrs. Cullen," Edward grinned.

"In answer to your question, I've never had more fun in my life," I laughed. "It's been a lot of fun getting to meet your family."

"Honestly, Bella, I don't know if these people are my family or some weird doppelgangers," Edward said. "The Cullen family is never this well-behaved in public and certainly not when there's an open bar involved. I'm starting to wonder if Alice hired people who look similar to them for the day or something."

"They're nice," I snorted. "Even if your cousins did get into a fist fight over the bouquet. Besides, no one's done a keg stand like at Alice's wedding."

"True," Edward relented. "But I warned you the Chicago Cullens were a little out there."

"I don't think anyone will ever be able to outdo those Texas Whitlocks," I argued.

"Maybe the fact that your dad has been showing off his badge as kept the family in check," Edward mused.

"Oh God. He brought it? I already had to talk him out of wearing his uniform to give me away!" I sighed. "Let me guess, he was wearing it when you talked to him about marrying me?"

"No," Edward admitted. "Though he did make me help him clean all of the trophies he's won at shooting competitions while we talked."

"You're not going to rag on him for crying during the ceremony, are you?" I laughed.

"Nah," Edward shook his head. "I'm sure if I said anything he'd just tell me he was thinking about a big fish that got away or accidentally stubbed his toe on a pew or something."

"He likes you," I said. "It'll probably be another ten years before he admits it, but I think Dad knows you're the one."

"As long as you know I'm the one, then it's fine," Edward said.

"Cheeseball," I teased him.

"Ah, but I'm your cheeseball Mrs. Cullen."


	74. Outtake 6: Lily's First Birthday

**Lily's First Birthday**

"So sorry we're late," I sighed, setting the present for Lily down on the dining room table in Emmett and Rose's new house. "Someone doesn't care how great the safety rating on his car is if there is ice predicted in the forecast."

"I heard that Mrs. Cullen!" Edward bellowed from the kitchen. He had somehow gotten roped into helping Emmett construction some giant plastic play garden thing for Lily so it would be ready for her birthday party.

"It's no problem," Rose said. "I'm just glad you guys agreed to come and set up."

"Where's the birthday girl?" I asked.

"Taking a nap, thank God," Rose rolled her eyes. "Emmett decided it was a good idea to wake Lily up at three in the morning as 'payback' for her early morning entrance into the world last year. It took forever to get her back to bed and he is totally in the doghouse."

"How is he doing with his little girl turning one?" I asked.

"He's okay with that, but he's totally freaking out that she's walking now," Rose admitted. "I found him in our bedroom yesterday actually crying because she had walked across the living room on her own. He said that now she's walking she can get up and walk away from him. It was kind of sad. Of course, I reminded him she's financially dependent on us for at least the next eighteen years and that made him feel better."

"That's Emmett," I laughed. "So, what do you need me to do?"

Rose and I pulled out the cake, began setting up drinks and chips as Emmett and Edward worked on Lily's new little play place. It was only about a foot tall and had a wide variety of mirrors, buttons that made noise and other weird contraptions I guessed could entertain a toddler. With it finally set up, the two of them dragged it into the living room and then came into the kitchen to get something to eat after their hard work.

"You're right, Rose," Emmett said, getting a glass of water. "It's a good thing we didn't spring for the full swing-set and gym set. That dumb plastic thing was hard enough to put together. I don't even want to think about all the stuff I'd have to do for something like that."

"Told you," Rose smirked. "I'm not looking forward to when she gets big enough for a real bed."

"Don't remind me," Emmett grumbled. He then mumbled something about understanding why guys hid their daughters in towers.

"It's hard to believe Lily's already a year old," Edward said.

"Definitely don't remind me of that," Emmett grimaced.

"Oh, come on, Emmett," I smirked at him. "You've got at least twelve years before you really have to start worrying about boys."

"Please," Emmett snorted. "She's got my eyes, platinum blonde hair and her mother's sexy pout."

"Our baby does not have a sexy pout," Rose laughed.

"She pouts just like you do when you want something! And she uses it on me all the time! Seriously, Rose, between the two of you I can't win in this house," Emmett protested. The doorbell rang just as Lily's fussing began over the baby monitor in the kitchen. "I'll get Lily ready to meet her public." Emmett laughed.

"I'll get the door," Rose nodded.

Emmett brought Lily down dressed in a pretty little purple play dress with a bow in her hair. Though Emmett was a brawny guy, I had to admit he had gotten really good at dressing Lily up in girly outfits and was very particular about how the little bows went in her hair. Rose's parents were the first to arrive, shortly followed by Emmett's parents and his sister. Edward's parents were coming too but would be a little late as Carlisle had to get off work. Next to arrive were Jasper and Alice. I tried not to laugh as Alice shoved Jasper away from her, preferring to get herself out of the car and then waddled up Rose and Emmett's front walk. With a sigh, Jasper went to get their presents for Lily out of the backseat.

"How's it going little mama?" Rose grinned at Alice.

"Seriously, my boobs were half this size yesterday. Not that Jasper's complaining," Alice laughed. "It's like I had to get pregnant in order to grow tits!"

"Hey, sis," Edward called from the house. "How's my nephew?"

"Kickboxing my kidneys," Alice snorted.

Jasper had wanted the two of them to put off having babies for at least a year after their wedding, but here it was a matter of weeks from their one-year anniversary and Alice was five months pregnant. However, on a summer trip to visit the few remaining Civil War battlefields Jasper hadn't been to, they had run into a children's re-enactment camp. Apparently, the thought of a son in a little Rebel drummer boy costume or a little girl in a calico dress and bonnet was all Jasper needed. They had announced they were expecting over Thanksgiving, and Jasper ordered a baby-sized Texas cavalry style hat when they found out the baby was going to be a boy.

Though there had been some bickering about the name, Alice had let Jasper pick out Robert Jefferson Whitlock as their son's name. Jasper had compromised in allowing Alice to nickname him Robby rather than R.J. as well as allowing Alice to pick out the name if their next child was a girl. Edward had snickered at that and told me there was one name Alice had wanted for her daughter since she was a girl herself. That named just happened to be Edith Gabrielle Vivienne after Edith Head, Gabrielle "Coco" Chanel and Vivienne Westwood.

"I told you not to want kids so early," Rose smirked.

"Oh hush," Alice snorted, walking into the house. "You of all people should be sympathetic." Of course, the second she saw a barely awake Lily bouncing on Emmett's knee, Alice shrieked and rushed forward to coo over the little girl. Jasper huffed behind us with two presents under each arm.

"What's that?" Rose sighed. "I told you that you didn't…"

"Have to get anything expensive and go overboard. Yeah, yeah," Jasper grimaced. "But you know Alice… she saw little girl dresses and went kinda nuts… I'm glad you have a girl. Otherwise, she'd be putting this frilly nonsense on my son when he gets here."

"I'd almost trade you," Rose snorted as we moved into the living room for the party. "If we had a boy for Emmett to pal around with, maybe he'd stop freaking out about the fact that I take her to a co-ed Mommy and Baby swim class once a week."

"Hey!" Emmett said defensively from his seat in the recliner, "I saw the way that Kabrinsky kid was looking at her in the pool the other week! He's almost two! What are they doing letting a cradle robber like that in the baby class?"

"He's a toddler, Emmett," Rose rolled her eyes. "I'm sure he doesn't have any ulterior motives."

"Ulterior motives? He was trying to pull her bikini straps off!" Emmett said angrily.

"He didn't know what they were! He was curious!" Rose snorted. "He tried pulling his mom's bathing suite straps too!"

"I shouldn't have let you buy our baby a bikini," Emmett huffed. "They shouldn't even make bikinis for babies. What pervert thought of that anyway? We're getting Lily one of those eighteen-hundreds style bathing suit that covers everything for this summer! Or better yet, she can swim in her snowsuit!"

"Splash! Dada! Splash! Splash!" Lily chanted from Alice's lap.

"Yes, tell Daddy you have fun going to Splash Splash Class," Rose grinned at her daughter.

The doorbell rang announcing Edward's parents were there, and Alice sat Lily down on the floor, allowing her to run between her grandparents and babble nonsense. Soon, the party was in full swing and Lily enthusiastically helped rip the wrapping paper away from her presents while sitting in Rose's lap. In addition to her big plastic play garden, Lily received a few toys from her parents and grandparents, dresses she could never wear outside from Alice and Jasper, and a few books and toys I and Edward had bought off of Rose's list of ideas. Emmett glared at his sister as Lily tore open the Princess Jasmine costume Amber had bought for her complete with baby-sized high heels and tiara.

"You bought my one-year-old a belly shirt," Emmett said to his sister sternly.

"Jasmine is Lily and Aunt Amber's favorite," Amber snorted. "Besides, it was either this or the Cinderella bride costume. That one had heels, a wedding veil and bouquet."

"Oh, come on Emmett," Rose rolled her eyes. "It's just for dress up time. You should really worry about when she's sixteen and wants to get that cute little belly button pierced."

"I'm getting a beer," Emmett groaned. "Anyone else want one?"

"Emmett, this is a kid's party," Rose cautioned him. Emmett huffed and sat back down.

An hour later, most of the guests had gone, Lily was asleep on her dad's chest, and Rose and Emmett's living room was littered with wrapping paper and half-played with presents. Though he had spazzed out over his sister's gift, Emmett was happy to see that the Mega Blocks Carlisle and Esme had gotten seemed to be Lily's favorite present. Emmett even rolled around on the floor with her, encouraging her to spend her time learning how to build things rather than think about boys.

"So, when can we expect big news from you and Edward?" Rose asked me with a wink as we cleaned up the remaining dishes. I smiled lazily at my husband, who was sitting next to Emmett. They were watching ESPN rather than cleaning up the living room like the two of them said they would be.

"I don't know," I shrugged. "It's not the right time. I mean, I just got promoted to senior writer and Edward's business has really taken off since last year. We're so busy it's hard to find time for each other, let alone a kid."

"Yeah, and I guess if you two had kids immediately after you got married last June Charlie would have assumed you got married because you were knocked up," Rose nodded. "And he probably would have hunted Edward down, right?"

"Well, when he found out you and Emmett were expecting he said having a little girl would be the worst punishment for Emmett," I shrugged.

"I think he was right," Rose snickered. "Of course, Lily is a little daddy's girl. They even have the same burp."

"Yeah, and from that time she spent overnight at our place I know their farts stink just the same," I shook my head.

"Oh God! That's so true!" Rose cackled. "And Emmett being Emmett he's _proud _of it."

"Besides, if we were worrying about a baby of our own, who would babysit Lily when her mother wanted a little nookie?" I smirked.

"Touché," Rose admitted. "You have to admit, though, he is pretty good with kids."

"He's awesome with kids," I agreed. "And believe me, there is no shortage of hinting about grandbabies from the Cullen side of things."

"Esme a little over eager?" Rose laughed.

"She's nice about it," I shook my head. "It's Carlisle we're all worried about. Ever since he announced he was taking an early retirement and then with Alice's baby news… Carlisle's decided he wants a baseball team of grandchildren to cart around in his golden years. He's already got plans of a giant playground in their backyard with a sandbox and see saw. Esme isn't exactly complaining, but she is at least attempting to be subtle. She just happened to be cleaning out the attic last week and just happened to bring all of Edward's old baby stuff down to show me at Sunday dinner. Then she gave Edward his Chicago White Sox onesie to take home and now it's hanging up in his office. And sometimes he just gets this far off look in his face when he stares at it."

"He's probably just trying to remember the last time the Sox won a world series," Rose snorted.

"It was 2006," I shrugged. Rose eyed me. "What? Edward likes stats and he loves when I make him nachos to eat while he watches the game."

"You just wait," Rose smirked. "You'll have a baseball team of your own running around before you know it."

Soon after, Edward and I headed home. Lily was down for her nap and Rose had started hinting she and Emmett might like some alone time before their daughter woke up. Edward kept yawning in the car during the drive back into the heart of the city, shaking his head and then fiddling with the radio. He leaned back against his headrest and sighed.

"Why am I so tired?" he groaned. "All we did was eat cake and chips and play blocks with Lily."

"That's probably why," I smirked. "I mean, all of that was enough to tucker Lily out."

"She's a good kid," Edward shrugged. "Alice and Jasper will be lucky of Robby is as well behaved as Lily is."

"Alice will be lucky if Robby is as calm and laid back as Jasper is," I pointed out.

"I don't know… an over-energetic kid would probably be some good payback for her," Edward smirked.

"Yeah," I shrugged with a sigh.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked instinctively.

"I don't know… it's just weird," I shrugged. "Alice is having a baby and now that Lily's a year old Rose said she and Emmett have discussed having another kid and… I don't know… It's just… weird…"

"So… are you saying you think we should…" Edward said anxiously. "Have a baby?"

"You know I want to eventually but now… I mean, it's hectic, right?" I sighed. "You've got work and I've got work and Alice is probably going to need some help when Robby comes and… I don't know."

"Bella, if it's what you really want, we can make it work, okay?" Edward assured me.

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" I asked him nervously.

"Bella, I'm thrilled every morning that I wake up and see you're not a figment of my imagination," Edward snorted. "Besides, I like kids and I don't think anyone could be a better mother than you'll be."

"Well, I'm open to it, you know?" I shrugged. "Not like we have to start trying immediately or anything."

"Okay," Edward smirked. "Just let me know when you're ready."

Nine months later our son Edward, Jr. was born.


	75. Outtake 6: A Cullen Christmas

**Merry Christmas!**

* * *

><p>"Did you remember the presents?"<p>

"Already loaded up in the car," I informed Bella.

"What about the car seats?" Bella asked.

"All secure," I nodded. "Your dad did that last night."

"Daddy! I don't want to wear my coat!" E.J. huffed from behind Bella in the garage. "We're just gonna be in the car!"

"It's cold outside," I reminded him, "and if you want to play in the snow with your cousins later, you're going to have to bring your coat, hat and gloves."

"Fine," he stomped.

"Daddy, can I built a 'noman with Seth?" Carlie asked from underneath her parka.

"Seth is going with Aunt Rose and Uncle Emmett to his grandparents' house today," I reminded her. "You can play with him this weekend." I couldn't believe that at four-years-old my daughter already had a crush on Rose and Emmett's son.

Emmett had been excited, thinking he was finally getting his boy when Rose found out she was pregnant again, but a matter of days after Lily turned three they found out they were expecting another girl. Lily and her sister Violet were eventually joined by their baby brother Seth two years later and now that they had their boy, Rose had sworn off having any more kids. It was hard enough on having two little girls with all of the boundless energy of their father mixed in with the sass and attitude of their mother. Seth, however, had obviously taken after the Whitlock side of the family, blessed with the same laidback attitude and quiet thoughtfulness Jasper had.

Jasper, however, would be with us today at my parents' house for the now annual Cullen Christmas extravaganza. Between Alice and myself, Dad hadn't quite gotten his baseball team of grandchildren, but he seemed to still be working on it. For a while there, it almost seemed like a contest between Alice and Bella to see who could pop out the most buns from their ovens. Less than six months after Robby was born we had Edward Jr., who we called E.J. to avoid the confusion. Within a year of that, Alice and Jasper had their daughter Edith, who they nicknamed Edie to go with more modern times. Our Carlie followed two years later and then Alice popped out a pair of twins a few weeks shy of Carlie's first birthday. Janey and John Carlisle – or J.C. as he was known – were polar opposites and mini-me's of their parents. Bella and I had honestly thought we were finished having kids until Elizabeth surprised us. Now 14 months old, Beth was definitely going to be the last for us. Bella had all but supervised my vasectomy.

Of course, seven grandchildren wasn't enough for Carlisle Cullen and, with me out of the game, he was still dropping hints to Alice and Jasper about how nice another baby or two might be. Between the twins fighting over toys, Edie going through a biting phase in first grade and Robby "accidentally" packing the class's pet frog in his backpack a few weeks ago, I didn't think Alice and Jasper would be so easily swayed.

"Grandpa, you build a 'noman with me?" Carlie asked Charlie, one of her namesakes. Bella's father had come to stay with us during the holidays, but it was no secret his three grandchildren were the real reason he had made the long drive up from Forks to stay the week.

"Sure thing, cupcake," Charlie nodded, helping Carlie into her carseat and buckling her up. Charlie was a stickler for the kids' safety, something he and I heartily agreed on. I took Beth from Bella and nestled her into her seat as E.J. scrambled into the backseat of the minivan to sit with his grandpa.

"Dad, if he takes his seatbelt off during the drive you have my full permission to beat his butt," Bella said, glaring at our son in the reflection of the rearview mirror.

"It was only off for a second!" E.J. protested. "I dropped my DS!"

"Now, buddy, you gotta keep these seatbelts on," Charlie reminded him. "You don't want to worry your mom, huh? Besides, I hear Batman wears his seatbelt."

"Cool," E.J. grinned. True to form, Beth was out like a light as soon as I buckled her into her car seat. Mentally making sure everything was in the car that was supposed to be, I got into the driver's seat and began the trek across town to my folks' place.

I was glad it was a short drive to my folks' house, especially when Charlie chimed in on singing fractured Christmas carols in his off-key baritone with the kids. Bella tried not to laugh, but was failing miserably. Alice and Jasper were already at my parents' house as evidenced by the huge SUV Jasper had insisted on when the twins were born. Within seconds of putting the car in park, E.J. and Carlie were running to the front door, Grandpa Charlie close behind. Bella shook her head and unbuckled a sleeping Beth while I was given the task of rounding up all the Christmas presents from the trunk and bringing them in. By the time I reached the front door my mother was holding open for me, I could hear the sounds of my children roughhousing with their cousins in the living room. I just hoped they didn't knock the tree over again this year. After leaving Beth with her father, Bella returned to help me get the rest of the gifts, though there weren't that many left by that point.

"I'm going to go help your mother, Alice and Aunt Jane in the kitchen," Bella said, pecking me on the lips as soon as we set down the last of the presents. "E.J. and Carlie are playing video games in the living room with Robby and Edie. The twins are playing with some toys. My dad has Beth until she wakes up, and he and your dad are supervising the kids."

"That's a recipe for disaster," I rolled my eyes. "They know Grandpa Charlie and Grandpa Carlisle will let them get away with murder. Where's Jasper?"

"Hiding from his children, according to Alice," Bella shrugged. "They tried to play horsey with Daddy last night and Alice said she almost had to put Jasper out to pasture."

"Better him than me," I shrugged.

As Bella ventured off into the kitchen, I went to join by father and father-in-law with the kids. While the older bunch were banging away on some video game system they had convinced my parents to buy, Charlie and my father were chatting over cups of coffee. Charlie had Beth curled up, asleep against his chest while Dad was bouncing J.C. on one knee and Janey on the other.

"Merry Christmas, son," Dad grinned as I sighed and deposited myself in a recliner.

"Merry Christmas, Dad," I nodded. I sighed as I looked over at my children. "Carlie, don't pull on Miss Priss' tail!"

"She don't mind," Carlie huffed, scooping the tired looking dog into her lap.

While Miss Priss had been mean from the onset, she had calmed down considerably when we started bringing babies into the house. The kids were her puppies in the same way they were Mom's grandchildren. Though she was tiny, Miss Priss would defend those kids to the death and didn't mind when they pulled on her tale, put her in fuzzy sweaters or the time Robby and E.J. brought her into the kiddie pool with them one summer. With a yawn and a stretch, Miss Priss laid out in Carlie's lap. Her eyes didn't close completely as she had to keep watch over the kids.

"So, how was Christmas morning?" Dad asked me.

"Busy," I sighed. "E.J. hooked his new fishing rod on the tree, Carlie ate half her candy before breakfast and Beth tuckered herself out with her new doll."

"Say what you will about hooking the tree, that kid is a natural at casting," Charlie pointed out to me.

"I've seen him with a fillet knife," Dad agreed. "Surgical precision that one."

"When did you let my son have a knife?" I asked both of them. Luckily for them, Beth stirred awake, distracting all of us.

"Well, good morning princess," Charlie laughed as Beth looked up at him wide-eyed. She looked over at my dad and grinned but reached out for me instead. Charlie reluctantly let me hold my daughter.

"Santa?" Beth asked me.

"Santa came to our house last night," I nodded. "Soon, we're going to eat a big dinner with everyone and then you'll get to open your presents from Grandpa Carlisle and Nana."

"Nana?" Beth asked, looking around the room for my mother.

"She's with Mommy making your favorite mashed sweet potatoes," I informed Beth.

"Toe-toes!" Beth grinned excitedly.

"Reminds me of her mother, that one," Charlie laughed as Beth rubbed her hand up against her fine, brown hair. "Of course, all those kids have a good bit of Swan in them." He turned to my dad. "You ready for the big fishing trip this spring?"

"I'm trying to talk Esme into letting me get a new boat for the occasion," Carlisle nodded. "Something we can comfortably fit all the kids on." I rolled my eyes. Since Dad had retired, he had taken up fishing on Charlie's recommendation and now the two proud grandpas took the kids out several times a year with them.

Moments later, Mom came in to announce the food was ready and was immediately surrounded by eager grandchildren. Of course, Mom lavished the attention all of her grandchildren paid her, and even though the didn't need the extra sugar, I could smell the several trays of Christmas cookies she had already baking in the kitchen for after the meal. Jasper slunk down from his hiding place to join us at the table for food and earned a wallop from Alice for abandoning her with their four little ones.

Though years before Cullen family Christmas celebrations had meant fine china and crystal glasses, the messiness of the kids had changed things. Mom had whipped out her best Christmas-styled paper plates and Bella and Alice were making sure each of the kids had a lid firmly pressed down on their cups. There were more little people than big people at the fancy dining table, but we managed by putting one kid on each adults' side. Of course, by the end of the meal E.J., Robby and J.C. were chasing each other around the table, Beth had found her way back into Grandpa Charlie's lap and Mom was up and distributing cookies to our already hyper kids.

"We are never going to get them to sleep tonight," I groaned to Bella as my dad adjourned us into the living room for presents.

"I think they'll tucker themselves out by this evening," Bella said. "And I think your mother's cookies will probably lead to a sugar crash in an hour or so. Well… if she doesn't put them all in a sugar coma first…"

"If worst comes to worst I think we can coax the grandpas into starting a snowball fight," I nodded.

"Speaking of grandpas," Bella smirked. "Your father was wondering if we'd ever consider adoption."

"What?" I groaned.

"Apparently, there are plenty of needy children who would love to have a nice home with siblings," Bella said.

"My dad has been shopping for grandchildren on the Internet," I shook my head. "He's really not given up on the team has he? He can get Mom and Miss Priss a shirt and call it even. Besides, you said we were done having kids. You made sure of that."

"You know how your Dad is," Bella laughed. "And yeah, we are done having kids. The ones we have are enough of a handful."

"Don't need to tell me," I snorted as we took our seats in the living room. Beth had plopped herself on Charlie's lap again and while E.J. was with his male cousins, Carlie decided to come and sit between Bella and myself as my parents handed out gifts.

In mere minutes, the kids had ripped open all the wrapping paper and were running around the living room with their new toys. Soon, I knew they would want to be bundled up so they could go outside and have a snowball fight in my parents' huge backyard. Though the floor of their living room was littered with empty boxes, discarded wrapping paper and ripped bows, my parents seemed pretty content watching their grandchildren wrestling around on the floors. Charlie had fallen asleep in the recliner and Beth had nodded off on his chest. Alice and Jasper had snuck off, probably to make out. If they kept it up, I had no doubt my father might get his eighth and ninth grandchildren.

"I know they stress you out, but I love having our family together for Christmas," Bella said to me with a knowing smirk as we reclined together on the couch.

"Yeah, yeah," I sighed, curling my arm further around her. "Remind me of that later today when the kids break something."


End file.
